Veronica Mars

Veronica Mars, created by Rob Thomas. Starring Kristen Bell (as Veronica Mars), Teddy Dunn (as Duncan Kane), Jason Dohring (as Logan Echolls), Francis Capra (as Eli "Weevil" Navarro), Percy Daggs III (as Wallace Fennell), and Enrico Colantoni (as Keith Mars).

The Pilot (1x01)

Veronica: (voiceover) This is my school. If you go here, your parents are either millionaires, or your parents work for millionaires. Neptune California, a town without the middle class. If you're in the second group, you get a job. Fast food, movie theaters, mini marts. Or you could be me. My after school job means tailing philandering spouses or investigating false injury claims.

Veronica: (voiceover) Let's not forget Logan Echolls. His dad makes twenty million a picture. You probably own his action figure. (Logan laughs, pointing at Veronica) Every school has an obligatory psychotic jackass. He's ours.

Weevil: Sister, the only time I care what a woman has to say is-is when she's riding my big old hog but even then it's not so much words just a bunch of oohs and aahs, you know?

Veronica: So it's big, huh?

Weevil: Legendary.

Veronica: Well, let's see it. I mean, if it's as big as you say, I'll be your girlfriend. (gasps) We could go to prom together!

Veronica: You want to know how I lost my virginity? So do I.

Sheriff Lamb: You need to go see the wizard. Ask him for some guts.

Cliff: I make no apologies. I like this case, it's tawdry.

Veronica: God Lilly, I see the Prozac's working.

Lilly: High on life, Veronica Mars. I've got a secret, a good one.

Weevil: Why you care so much for that skinny negro anyway. Things I heard about you, he must really lay the pipe right, huh.

Weevil: Alright, one week. After that, we come for you, your boy... and your little dog too.

Weevil: You get lonely out here remember, Weevil love you long time.

Wallace: Girl, you should hear what people say about you.

Keith: Tonight we eat like the lower-middle class to which we aspire.

Fire Chief: Well, if it isn't Smokey the Barely Legal.

Wallace: That might play with the masses but underneath that angry young woman show there's a slightly less angry young woman who's just dying to bake me something. You're a marshmallow, Veronica Mars. A twinkie!

Logan: Hey, Veronica Mars. Do you know what your little joke cost me?

Veronica: Well, I'm pretty sure you won't be getting your bong back.

Wallace:: I suddenly feel like I'm in a scene from The Outsiders.

Veronica: Be cool, Soda Pop.

Credit Where Credit's Due (1x02)

Duncan: (chuckles) My plan, and I haven't worked this out entirely yet, so bear with me, was to... raise the roof.

Weevil: My reputation? Oh, well, then I guess what everybody says about you is true, too, huh? That you, you like it a little freaky. Don't you. That you spy on Duncan Kane, that you send him pictures of yourself? Be honest, Veronica. You think you're this big outsider. But push comes to shove? You're still one of them. You still think like one of them. Take off. I don't want you around here.

Keith: Way to stand up on your own two feet, Lamb, and say, hey, the buck stoooops - there.

Wallace: Do I look like James Bond to you?

Veronica: Am I asking you to retrieve a nuclear warhead? No. Just copy the attendance records. It's cake. Facile.

Caitlin: I'm gonna go down to the gym to talk to people for the student poll.

Ms Dent: Be back by the end of the period. And remember that we're a multicultural school with a diverse population of students from a wide range of socio-economic backgrounds.

Caitlin: Meaning?

Ms Dent: Meaning don't just interview your friends.

Ms Dent: Duncan Kane, this is Veronica. (oblivious to the discomfort of both) Veronica's going to be taking pictures tomorrow and I arranged for you to ride with Bodie's parents.

Duncan: I'll drive.

Ms Dent: Great, maybe Veronica can-

Veronica: I can drive too.

Ms Dent: Okay. Oil crisis be damned.

Troy: Flat?

Veronica: Just as God made me.

Troy: Are you always this persnickety?

Veronica: Sometimes I'm even persnickety-er.

Veronica: I'm Veronica.

Troy: Really. Veronica. Okay, yeah, that-that does make a lot more sense.

Veronica: M-makes more sense how?

Troy: Aaa, it's nothing. I just, uh, should never listen to those guys. I mean really, who names a daughter Trampy McBitch.

Lilly: Well, you know what my mom says. You have to kiss a few toads... That's it. That's her entire philosophy.

Wallace: Where you off to, superfly?

Veronica: I'm gonna nail that sucker.

Weevil: Veronica Mars, I hear you're to thank for this Kodak moment. Didn't you get the memo? The bad guy was already in jail. Gimme some love.

Troy: Well a wise man once said that a `No' is like a `Yes' except with different letters and arranged in a different order and spoken out loud but, you know, it disappears on the wind.

Meet John Smith (1x03)

Veronica: (voiceover) The weird thing about going to high school with your ex is they're inescapable. Everywhere you turn, there they are.

Keith: Have you been playing nice with the other children?

Veronica: You know Dad, I'm old school, an eye for an eye.

Keith: I think that's actually Old Testament.

Logan: Okay nowhere man, you be the fool on the hill, see if I care. Dude you don't look so hot.

Duncan: Yes. Sweet old Molly, god rest her soul. Boy, could that dog catch a frisbee, ha. If only she'd had the good sense to not whiz in the flowerbed she'd still be with us.

Keith: So how did she rope you into this?

Wallace: She promised me all the answer keys to--just promised to be my friend.

Keith: I'd have held out for a better offer. I'll be in my office.

Veronica: Hey would you do me a favor?

Wallace: Why did all the hair on the back of my neck just stick up?

Veronica: It's not that big of a deal. Just--the next time you're in the administrations office, could you borrow my permanent file? I want to see what that counselor is telling Dad.

Wallace: Oh hey yeah, no big deal, I can't get expelled for that.

Keith: How was your date?

Veronica: Oh, you know, lousy conversation but the sex was fantastic.

Keith: That's not funny.

Veronica: I don't know, I'm pretty sure it was.

Veronica (voiceover): Tragedy blows through your life like a tornado, uprooting everything, creating chaos. You wait for the dust to settle, and then you choose. You can live in the wreckage and pretend it's still the mansion you remember. Or you can crawl from the rubble and slowly rebuild.

The Wrath of Con (1x04)

Wallace: It's not going to work. You can't take the cool out of me. Look, pocket protector and I'm still full of pimp juice.

Lilly: What did you think of Veronica the first time you saw her?

Logan: I don't know, I thought she was hot.

Veronica: I was 12 when you moved here!

Logan: Oh and like you weren't working it in your shorts and knee socks.

Veronica: That was my soccer uniform!

Logan: So, whatever, it totally worked.

Veronica: You need to lay off the caffeine, Grrrant. 'Cause you're downright testy!

You Think You Know Somebody (1x05)

Veronica: Dude, where's your car?

Veronica: So far it's been a whole lot of brick walls, but I talked to my buddy, Earl yesterday, at the impound yard.

Troy: What do I love more? That you have a buddy named Earl or that he works at the impound yard?

Return of the Kane (1x06)

Duncan: Thanks, Dad. You know I polled the rest of the soccer team? None of them want to see my junk.

Veronica: You're in luck, Phillip Marlowe. Because it's dessert for dinner night, and I've got a sundae thing set-up here.

Keith: If child services finds out about this, they will take you away.

Veronica: Well, that's a risk I'm willing to take.

Keith: Honey, shouldn't we try something at the base of the food pyramid? You know - fruits and vegetables.

Veronica: (gasps) What is that? A maraschino cherry.

Lilly: Check you out, Veronica Mars. You're like a rocker chick now. You and I, we'd have a lot of fun together. Yeah, if, um, if I wasn't dead and stuff.

Veronica: Why are you here?

Lilly: Don't you watch any horror movies? My soul is doomed to walk the earth until justice has been served.

Veronica: Really?

Lilly: Yeah, that, and as kinda a side project, I dispense fashion advice.

Veronica: Why would he have wanted to kill you?

Lilly: Honestly! I was awesome, right?

Veronica: I miss you, Lilly.

Miss Dent: Good morning, Veronica. I was thinking maybe you'd be interested in covering the election for the student newspaper.

Veronica: Sure, I'll write it up this afternoon.

Miss Dent: The election's tomorrow.

Veronica: And I can already see the headline. "Brown-nosing, resume-packer wins in a landslide."

The Girl Next Door (1x07)

Veronica: You are so lucky he's your dog. I would immediately put him in a little sailor's outfit.

Vice Principal Clemmons: Mr. Echolls, I was wondering if I could have a word?

Logan: "Anthropomorphic." All yours, big guy.

Vice Principal Clemmons: Oh. (fake laugh) Your father has generously offered to donate a pair of boots for our school fundraising auction.

Logan: Not the ones made for walking? God, I love those boots.

Ms Dent: Class of '79. Think of all the bad clothes you can mock. Velour shirts. Platform shoes.

Logan: They teach you manners in ESL?

Weevil: If I was gonna cheat, don't you think I'd pick somebody smart?

Logan: "If you was gonna"?

Mr Daniels: You know, the glow of your father's wealth and celebrity may be enough to sustain you through high school, Mr Echolls, but do you know what it will get you in the real world?

Logan: (clasping his hands together in prayer and raising his eyes to the heavens) Please say "high school English teacher." Please say "high school English teacher."

Weevil: Let me ask you something, man.

Logan: Is this detention or hell?

Weevil: How do you people not make yourselves sick? I mean, it's like you walk on water in this school. For what? It's nothing that you do. I mean, all that matters is who your parents are and the zip code your mom shot you out in.

Logan: And if I donate to the United Latino Pain-in-the-Ass fund, will you shut the hell up?

Weevil: You like playin' wit' yourself?

Logan: Huh?

Weevil: Or you wanna make things interesting?

Logan: What did you have in mind?

Mr Daniels: Is this Reno or detention?

Logan: Would you believe the best of both?

Mr Daniels: This is punishment, gentlemen, not party time.

Logan: Well, that would explain the absence of balloon animals.

Veronica: I don't know. It sounded like a falling body. It really freaked me out.

Keith: A falling body?

Veronica: Yes. A falling body.

Keith: Would you describe the sound as Hitchcockian?

Veronica: I'm glad you're able to entertain yourself.

Keith: Oh, sweetie, don't sell yourself short. I find you completely entertaining.

Veronica: I heard a noise come from your apartment last night. A loud thump.

Andre: Thump. Hmm. That must have been when I cracked her head open with a candlestick and she crumpled to the ground. No, wait. That was Professor Plum in the study.

Logan: Never underestimate the size of my cojones.

Weevil: Sometimes the girls get put off by this old motorcycle jacket thing. Do you think something in suede might make me seem more... accessible?

Keith: Let's do something normal fathers and daughters do.

Veronica: Buy me a pony?

Keith: I was thinking I'd watch TV and you'd rub my feet.

Veronica: Hmm. Yeah, that's normal.

Like A Virgin (1x08)

Wallace: So, did you take the purity test? (Veronica looks at him disgustedly) Yeah, me either...stupid right?

Veronica: What'd you score?

Wallace: 70

Veronica: Wow, you're a 30% danger loving, girl touching rock star!

Wallace: More like 1 point away from being cool

Veronica: Here (she unzips her jacket/shirt to reveal a sports bra) Now, you're a big stud, happy?

(Wallace laughs then has shocked look on his face, zoom on Veronica's face she turns around and looks shocked as well, Wallace's mom has seen the whole thing.)

Wallace's mom: Wallace? Can I talk to you for a moment?

Veronica:That had to be worth at least two points.

Veronica: They say the truth will set you free, and I'm looking for the truth in a maximum security prison.

Drinking the Kool-Aid (1x09)

Veronica: What is your deal? You're jacked up like some hillbilly kid who just stumbled into daddy's meth lab.

Keith: This is so endearing. My bad-ass action figure daughter is afraid to draw a teensy little drop of blood.

Veronica: He joined a cult? What do they worship? Wedgies? Keggers? Their parents' platinum cards?

Veronica: (voiceover) Maybe I should play this needy, despondent waif card more often.

Veronica: (voiceover) Do not roll your eyes Veronica. You're undercover.

Veronica: Forbidden barn? Check. Implied polygamy? Check. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a cult.

Keith: You're covered in mud.

Veronica: See, that's why you make the big bucks.

Josh: I'm just saying what you already know.

Veronica: (voiceover) That fake fur was a poor choice to infiltrate utopia?

Veronica: (voiceover) You're saying you don't want my money, you don't want my body, you don't want me working in your ganja fields, you just want me to be happy. Strange.

Keith: It's like listening to the Brady Bunch with a reggae soundtrack.

An Echolls Family Christmas (1x10)

Duncan: (singing and dancing) I'm Mr. Heat-Blister. I'm Mr. 101. They call Heat-Meiser. Whatever I touch, starts to melt --

Logan: You start singing, you stop drinking.

Veronica: (tilts head) Hey.

Weevil: See, there you go with that head-tilt thing. You know, you think you're all bad-ass, but whenever you need something it's all (mimics Veronica's head-tilt) "Hey."

Veronica: Just be glad I don't flip my hair. I'd own you.

Logan: (to Weevil) If you're asking me to the prom again, the answer is still no.

Logan: What, are we breaking up now? You want your best friend charm back?

Veronica: I love the smell of testosterone in the morning.

Connor: (Talking about why Logan makes racist comments) Is it because Rosie Perez thought you were a girl?

Weevil: What? Wait, wait. This I gotta hear!

Connor: When Logan was like ten, he was madly in love with Rosie Perez.

Logan: (mutters) You so don't know what you're talking about.

Connor: Aaron arranged for her to come to his birthday party, it was like this big moment. She walks in with this gift and she's like, (imitating Rosie Perez) "Hahppy birthday, Lauren!" (everyone laughs)

Logan: That's funny. Really hysterical.

Connor: Oh dude, she got you a purse! (everyone laughs)

Sean: So, Connor, you really are like the son Aaron Echolls never had.

Weevil: So wait, wait. Do you still have the purse?

Veronica: Look at you, all helpful.

Logan: Hey, your pestiness being unleashed on Connor brings me joy. Annoy, tiny blonde one, annoy like the wind!

Weevil: Want a sody-pop, or something?

Veronica: You know, I think I want something with a little more kick. (takes Duncan's bottle of Jim Beam)

Duncan: Hey, no!

Weevil: (after seeing Veronica chug from the bottle) Damn, girl.

Veronica: (to Duncan) Mmmm, iced tea?

Duncan: Yeah ...

Veronica: How very musical theater of you.

Veronica: And then, there's Bachelor Number Three. And he's got it all. Motive. Access. Looks like an evil-doer, smells like an evil-doer, but surprisingly, not so much ...

Silence of the Lamb (1x11)

Jackson: I hear you do detective stuff for people.

Veronica: I do favors for friends.

Jackson: I can pay.

Veronica: Sit down, friend.

Jackson: I don't care what people say about you, Veronica Mars. You rock.

Veronica: Yes, I do. I also take cash.

Mac: (After Veronica delays) Suspense effectively built. Hit me.

Veronica: Same old story: girl uses boy, girl falls for boy, boy saves girl's dad's life, girl gets what she deserves.

Clash of the Tritons (1x12)

Veronica: Know any good lawyers?

Cliff: Very cute. I know an adequate one that just posted your $500 bail.

Veronica: They take Diner's Club here?

Veronica: Howdy, Rick. Do I know you? No. Then why'd you tell Sheriff Lamb I sold you fake a ID?

Rick: It's - it's what they told me to say.

Veronica: Who's they?

Rick: No way. They're everywhere. They will destroy me.

Veronica: I'll destroy you worse.

Wallace:This mission better involve me seducing the head cheerleader

Veronica: I need you to poke around and see if you can get me a fake ID. If you must seduce the head cheerleader in order to accomplish your mission, so be it.

Wallace: No sweat! How do I do it?

Veronica: Play on her insecurity.

Wallace: I meant the fake ID.

Veronica: Hi, Dad. Their case is fuzzy and circumstantial.

Keith: (laughs) You know the odd thing? Those were also her first words.

Miss James: You know what, it sounds like you blame Veronica.

Logan: You know, Veronica was my friend too. And if she hadn't ratted me out, then Lilly and I would have stayed together. And Lilly wouldn't have been alone that day. I would have been there. So, yeah, I blame Veronica. And I blame myself for being stupid. And I blame Lilly for being a bitch that week.

Miss James: You know, there is another way of looking at this, Logan. If you'd still been together, you might be dead too.

Logan: And what is so great about living?

Veronica: This is a $250 piece of crap. Now I'm not just falsely accused, I'm genuinely offended.

Veronica: Hi, everybody! Say "repressed homosexuality!"

Sherriff Lamb: Your court date isn't until next Tuesday, right?

Veronica: You might as well go ahead and cancel that while I'm here.

Sherriff Lamb: Oh, really? Why's that?

Veronica: Well, I thought, for a change, you might be interested in having the real criminal stand trial. In the meantime, I'm gonna have a seat in your lounge - learn how to turn men into jelly with a new way of walking - and wait for the bad guy to turn himself in.

Sherriff Lamb: I don't have time for your games.

Veronica: And I don't have time to "wrongfully tamper a government-issued document" if I'm stuck here in your office. I'll make you a little deal, Lamb. If I don't deliver the person who put Tim in the hospital by 5pm today, I promise to walk - with a little something extra - into the courthouse on Tuesday and plead guilty to anything you wanna throw at me.

Sherriff Lamb: What do I have to do?

Veronica: Just pick a name. Write the name of any student on this post-it. Put it on the envelope, and have one of your minions drop it into locker 110. By the end of the day, that kid will have a fake ID, and you'll have yourself a crook. And I'll be sittin' over here, chillin' like a villian.

Logan: Gosh, Mom. Gee, Dad. Will I be going to live with Grandma?

Sheriff Lamb: (reading off of a $50 bill) Veronica Mars is... smarter than me.

Veronica: Oh, you stop it!

Lord of the Bling (1x13)

Veronica: Next time remember: Lift drunk combative bail jumpers with your legs, not your back.

Veronica: We used to be friends. A long time ago.

Keith: Hey honey, what's cooking?

Veronica: Not sure myself. Something that ends in -aroni.

Aaron: Have you heard from your sister?

Logan: She sent a telegram. Heartbroken, stop. Can't make it back from Sydney, stop. Underwater shit starts tommorow, stop. Entire crew said prayer for mom, stop. Love you, stop.

Aaron: Logan...

Logan: Stop?

Lilly: I can't help it if God made me fabulous!

Mars vs. Mars (1x14)

Logan: There's a woman who saw my mom get out of her car and get in a van with a "mysterious stranger."

Veronica: There's also a jungle tribe that worships Donald Trump's hair. It's a tabloid.

Logan: So the girl with a pig arm can't really bowl?

Veronica: I just don't want you to get your hopes up.

Logan: I'm not paying you to worry about my hopes; I'm paying you to follow leads.

Veronica: I wasn't aware you were paying me.

Logan: This isn't a favor. It's a job, you know. I mean, we're not exchanging friendship bracelets.

Veronica: I'll stop braiding.

Weevil: (approaching Veronica who's looking in a trophy case) If you're looking for my trophy it's back by auto shop.

Veronica: Lube job? Or, can you medal in stealing hub caps?

Weevil: Is this 1970? Rims baby.

Veronica: So you got a trophy for a rim job?

Weevil: Forget it. Look, I've got some information for you.

Veronica: Finally, a deep throat to call my own.

Weevil: I'm not going to touch that one.

Russkie Business (1x15)

Duncan: Don't be stingy with the glitter. Remember. It's an eighties dance.

Meg: Caz is always flirty with me but that guy would flirt with a trash can if it had boobs.

Veronica: Nothing soothes the nausea, headache and occasional dizziness of a romance overdose like a glimpse of the aftermath. The custody battles, the affairs and...

Veronica: How hard can it be to find an actor named Tom Cruz?

Wallace: Tom Cruise? Not as good a private eye as I thought.

Veronica: In the detective business, we call this a clue.

Wallace: About this secret mission.

Veronica: What'cha got?

Wallace: A reputation as a jock-sniffer. You can be your own FF. I'm retired.

Logan: This is Logan with today's inspirational greeting. "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." -Eleanor Roosevelt. Leave a message.

Logan: Wow, sugarpuss. You've certainly been a busy little bee. Ah, she's a keeper!

Wallace: Mexican hairless. What's the point of having a dog if it's bald? What are you gonna pet? Skin?

Keith: Don't forget. You're a high school girl. Do some high school girl things now and then.

Veronica: Relax, Dad. I'm cutting pictures of Ashton out of Teen People as we speak.

Leo: We have the sketch artist up from San Diego. Figured I'd test him out. He's not bad.

Veronica: I don't have horns.

Meg: Wow, Veronica, he totally wants to protect and serve you.

Meg: Granted, I would look good on Caz's arm but do you have anything available in sensitive or charming.

Logan: But if you're coming home, who will play Dead Hooker Number Two on CSI this week? How will you get your attention fix?

Trina: Maybe I can be the ring girl at one of your bum fights.

Veronica: You're a prince, Leo.

Leo: Yeah, I'm writing that down.

Veronica: I look like Manila Whore Barbie.

Veronica: (voiceover) J. Geils was right. Love stinks. You can dress it up with sequins and shoulder pads but one way or another you're just gonna end up alone at the spring dance strapped into uncomfortable underwear.

Logan: I love the 80's!

Leo: Head's up, Risky Business at 12 o'clock.

Logan: Come on, everybody, wang chung tonight! What? Everybody, wang chung tonight! Wang chung, or I'll kick your ass!

Veronica: I cannot escape Tom Cruise.

Trina: Logan, when did you stop wearing pants?

Betty and Veronica (1x16)

Veronica: Wow, a snack and an ego stroke. I wish I was a baller.

Duncan: Great game the other night man. Eighteen points, eight assists.

Wallace: On the streets we call those dimes.

Veronica: Streets? You live on the corner of Pleasant Valley and Marigold.

Veronica: Whoever said it is a men's world had no idea how easy it is sometimes to be a girl.

Veronica: (as "Betty") At my old school I was horny. (receives odd looks) We were the Rhinos. I was the mascot.

Richie: And what school was that?

Veronica: Riverdale.

Richie: Never heard of it.

Veronica: A day in the life of a human google. Always in search mode. One moment tracking down the absurd, parrots and goats, metaphors for a school pride I don't possess, and an hour or two later, going after the appalling, the murderer of a teenage girl.

Leo: Just so you know, in my mind that daydream was about me.

Veronica: Oh yeah?

Leo: I was a little surprised you had me in full armour but, whatever.

Weevil: Where's the bird, Wilson? I'm nearly bursting with Pirate pride here. Weevil wanna punch a cracker.

Weevil': Wait a minute. You went to a pet store and took a picture of yourself with a parrot so people would think you were cool?

Wilson: Yeah. All right?

Weevil: That's this close (use thumb and finger to illustrate) to taking a hot cousin to your prom. Go home.

Leo: I hate to bribe you but I'm fairly certain that aiding and abetting qualifies me for a dinner date.

Veronica: Actually, it qualifies you for dinner and a movie but you undershot, so...

Leo: Damn.

Duncan: Students Against Animal Cruelty. They threw the bucket of blood on the homecoming queen a couple of years ago for wearing fur.

Veronica: Bucket of blood. Have we learned nothing from "Carrie"?

Veronica: Can you do me a weird favour without asking any questions?

Wallace: Isn't that the bedrock upon which our friendship was founded?

Kanes and Abel's (1x17)

Clarence: Could you describe this friend?

Roommate: Tiny, blonde, cute as a bug.

Sabrina: I need your help.

Veronica: A little club soda on the sleeves?

Veronica: Caz, I'm kind of busy so let's play this at fast forward. I ask you to stop harassing Sabrina Fuller. You deny it. I eventually catch you. You're suspended, dropped from basketball and made the subject of a news blurb that everyone chuckles at in the papers. So stop harassing Sabrina, okay?

Caz: Look, I'm not harassing Sabrina.

Veronica: Caz, did you listen?

Keith: Look, I don't know if you were looking for "Pimp" in the phone book and just stopped at P.I....

Veronica: Hello? Yes, this is 'Miss Sabrina'. A bad boy? Well...Nestor Greely of Encinitas, twenty grand on credit cards, two divorces, and a repo'd Sebring. You have been a bad boy! Miss Sabrina commands you: put your pants back on and get a job!

Veronica: Caz, you were lurking. The innocent rarely lurk.

Caz: You know if you asked, I would jump off the roof?

Sabrina: Can I get you to stop that?

Veronica: Ask him to jump.

Jake: You are having sex with my daughter?

Weevil: Not right now.

Keith: Guess who stopped by today?

Veronica: If you say Josh Hartnett, I'm gonna be so bummed.

Weapons of Class Destruction (1x18)

Veronica: Dear Seventeen Magazine, how can I tell if the really cute boy in my class has a crush on me? No, strike that. Dear Seventeen, how can I tell if the really cute boy in my class murdered his sister?

Wallace: He's not gropin' her, is he?

Veronica: No, but earlier I saw him cutting a hole in the bottom of the popcorn bucket.

Pete: How can you even have an opinion on Ubuntu if you haven't tried it? 2.6 kernel, live CD that even had GNOME 2 point 0 the day warty warthog came out.

Mac: I'm sorry, I am perfectly content with OS X. I have all the awk/grep-ance that I want without the need for pitiful fonts uglification.

Pete: But...but...but...the fonts are deuglified, and it's free. Fine, you know, live in the dark ages.

Mac: I know what I like - and I like what I know.

Veronica: Hey, that iPod mini is something else, isn't it?

Mac: Veronica? Earth to Mars?

Veronica: My dad is a private detective, if I don't check in after school he freaks, their will be people looking for me, armed people.

Ben: I want to show you something

Veronica: Why can't we do it someplace public? Frappuccino anyone? My treat.

Ben: I know you think you are being a hero, but, a lot of people might die because of you.

(Logan punches Ben in the face, he goes down)

Ben: (talking to Veronica) Is it okay if he goes outside (referring to Logan) I would like to talk to you.

Logan: Dream on Jumpstreet, I'm not leaving you alone with her

Hot Dogs (1x19)

Logan: So, what do you think?

Veronca: Like, in general? Or is there a specific arena on which you'd like my opinion?

Veronica: (voiceover) Alrighty, Logan, we'll just skip over the two minutes in heaven we had. You want to pretend it never happened? No argument here. My lips, for all intents and purposes, are sealed.

Logan: (walking in on Aaron and Trina talking) Push in on our hero. Natural light frames his handsome, weathered face, as he passed sage advice to his doting daughter. The music swells. "Imporant your family is," hmph, hmpf.

Trina: Pop Tart?

Logan: Hmmm, a Tart from a tart.

Trina: Ye of the cynical wit. Can I ask you something?

Logan: Hmm, would you look at that? (mimics pulling something from his mouth) There was a string attached to my Pop Tart. (tosses away imaginary string)

Trina: Yeah, well, I'm in a little bit of a jam, and I could use a loan.

Logan: (stops his stopwatch) Twelve hours to hit me up for my dead mother's money. Hmmm, I wonder who had that in the pool.

Trina: You know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important.

Logan: Oh, I do. I do.

Trina: Could I just borrow ten grand? Just for a little while.

Logan: Ten grand?!

Trina: Will you just hear me out, please? My boyfriend Dylan spotted me some cash a few months ago, and now he's bugging me about it. I -- I can't get him off my back.

Logan: Did you try standing up?

Trina: Is Dad still at dinner?

Logan: Yeah, but he's not far. I'm sure if you really tried, you could blow smoke up his ass from here. (pauses) Hey, Trin - if you take your top off before you get on the mechanical bull, you won't fall off.

Logan: Hey, I need your help.

Veronica: Would it be weird for me to start my own drinking game? Like, I have to do a shot anytime someone asks for my help.

Logan: Do you think Lilly loved Weevil?

Veronica: I don't know. Um, Lilly never mentioned anything to me about Weevil. I was wondering when you were going to ask me about that.

Logan: Yeah, well, I don't know. When he's caught in her bedroom, you know, I guess you gotta think.

Veronica: You're handling it a lot better than I thought you would.

Logan: I loved Lilly. And Lilly loved guys.

Veronica: Logan, you know that --

Logan: You know, she used to say that her parents worshipped Duncan and tolerated her. And if she couldn't please them, she was going to go out of her way to piss 'em off. Weevil must have been perfect for that.

Veronica: I know Lilly loved you.

Logan: Just not like I loved her. (pauses) It's okay. No, you know, it kinda lets me off the hook. I don't have to feel guilty anymore.

Veronica: Feel guilty about what?

Logan: Movin' on. (he kisses her)

Veronica: What are we doing? (they giggle)

Logan: No idea. (resume kissing)

Veronica: We need to talk about this.

Logan: I know.

Veronica: Maybe we should just keep it to ourselves for awhile and see what happens.

Logan: Meet in mop closets, pass each other secret notes in the hallway. (pauses) Come on, I'll drive you home on the back streets.

Lilly: Oh my gosh, look what I found in my cereal box this morning. It's a spy pen!

Veronica: What's a spy pen? (Lilly pulls out the pen) How covert ops of you!

Lilly: I'm going to use to pass secret messages to all of my lovers.

Veronica: (examines pen) This is going to be a very busy little pen.

Veronica: I need to talk to you.

Leo: Me. Finally, me.

Veronica: I can't date you anymore.

Leo: Huh. Whoa. Okay.

Veronica: Trust me, you don't want to date me. I'm a train wreck. Seriously. The first guy I ever loved just dropped off the face of the earth, probably because of something I said. The last guy I dated turned out to be a drug dealer. And I just made out with my dead best friend's boyfriend, who - incidentally - I hate. So ... (points to self) Train wreck.

M.A.D. (1x20) [unaired]

[Nothing yet - episode to air 26 April 2005]

A Trip to the Dentist (1x21) [unaired]

[Nothing yet - episode to air 3 May 2005]

Leave it to Beaver (1x22) [unaired]

[Nothing yet - episode to air 10 May 2005]

External links

Wikipedia

Wikipedia has an article about:

Veronica Mars