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My Spy is a 2020 American action comedy film directed by Peter Segal, written by Jon and Erich Hoeber, and starring Dave Bautista, Chloe Coleman in her film debut, Kristen Schaal, Parisa Fitz-Henley, and Ken Jeong. It follows a CIA agent who finds himself at the mercy of a precocious 9-year-old girl in a family that he and his tech support are surveilling while undercover.

JJ

The objective of this exercise is to get past me. A good idea might be to cause a distraction, because otherwise, there'd be 0 chance of you getting-- [Sophie dumps fish bowl, gasps] Blueberry!
[quoting Notting Hill] I'm just a guy...standing in front of another guy...asking him not to shoot him.

Sophie

JJ, I admire all of your tattoos. [blinks]
[referring to JJ] You messed with the wrong dude.
I don't care about some stupid plans, JJ. [turns around] Let him have it. [blinks]

Bobbi

[sees JJ dancing on screen] This looks like the wedding at the end of Shrek.
Oh, I'm gonna touch! [opens the box, tries to load a gun, but bullets flew out the magazine] Ahh! Great, teach the kid. No need to show me anything.

Dialogue

JJ: What do you do for a living?

Sophie: [hooked up to the lie detector] I'm a KGB agent posing as a 4th grader. My brother has three legs and sells crack, and my mother is a prostitute.

JJ: [turns off the lie detector] I don't need a machine to tell me if someone's lying.

Sophie: Yeah?

JJ: [pulls Sophie's chair] Yeah. I can smell a lie.

[elevator door opens and Kate sees Sophie holding JJ's hand]

Sophie: Mom, Mom... No! Wait... Oh my god!

[Kate starts to attack JJ]

Kate: Let go of my daughter! Give me my phone. I'm calling the police.

Sophie: Mom, you don't understand. I ignored your rules and went to the park. There were two jerks from school that pushed me down and it really hurt. JJ saw it. He lives upstairs. He recognized me from the building and calmly talked to the boys and told them what they did was wrong then got me ice cream to make me feel better and walked me home!

Kate: Oh. I. um. I'm sorry. This is my kid. Can I just help you?

JJ: No. it's okay. I'm good. I'm just gonna head home and gather my thoughts. Really, I'm fine. Excuse me.

[Carlos, Todd, Kate, and Sophie watch JJ walk out of the elevator injured and limping to his room]

Bobbi: [hears JJ enter the room] How was your day?

JJ: It was good. Yours?

Bobbi: Fine.

JJ: Something wrong?

Bobbi: No.

JJ: Are you sure? 'Cause it seems like something might be bothering you.

Bobbi: You helped train her how to pass a lie detector, but not me. I mean, I don't wanna be ageist here, JJ, but she is 9. She still sleeps with a night-light. I'm a professional hacker with a Master's degree in English!

JJ: We just spent a little time together. I wasn't teaching her anything.

Bobbi: Oh, well, you taught her how to place shaped charges! [shows footage]

JJ: It was just Play-Doh.

Bobbi: That's not the point.

JJ: Should I get you some Play-Doh?

Bobbi: I can get my own Play-Doh.

JJ: Are you sure? Because I'd be happy to get you some.

Bobbi: Don't you make this about the Play-Doh. This is about us! We're partners!

JJ: I already told you: you are not my partner. [Bobbi walks out] Hey! Did you make dinner?

Bobbi: [walks back in] Let me just hop right on that. [blinks angrily, then walks back out]

Kate: We're out of olive oil

JJ: There's a new bottle in the back behind the mustard. [Kate and Sophie looks at JJ] I'd... bet.

Kate: Thanks.

Sophie: Uncle Victor, why are you doing this?

Victor: You're my insurance. And don't call me "uncle". Your father and I hated each other. I'm not your family.

Sophie: I wanna go home! Take me back!

Victor: SHUT UP! Not another word!

Cast

Dave Bautista as JJ, a CIA agent tasked with surveilling Sophie's mother in hopes of locating her criminal brother-in-law
Chloe Coleman as Sophie, a nine-year-old elementary school girl who blackmails JJ into training her to be a spy
Kristen Schaal as Bobbi, JJ's tech specialist
Parisa Fitz-Henley as Kate, Sophie's mother
Ken Jeong as David Kim, JJ's boss at the CIA
Devere Rogers as Carlos, Sophie's neighbor
Greg Bryk as Victor Marquez
Ali Hassan as Azar
Noah Danby as Todd, Carlos' partner
Nicola Correia-Damude as Christina, JJ's fellow agent at the CIA

External links

My Spy quotes at the Internet Movie Database

Wikipedia

Wikipedia has an article about:

My Spy

@@ Line 9: / Line 9: @@
 == Sophie ==
 * JJ, I admire all of your tattoos. ''[blinks]''
+* ''[referring to JJ]'' You messed with the wrong dude.
+* I don't care about some stupid plans, JJ. ''[turns around]'' Let him have it. ''[blinks]''
 == Bobbi ==
 * ''[sees JJ dancing on screen]'' This looks like the wedding at the end of [[Shrek]].
+* Oh, I'm gonna touch! ''[opens the box, tries to load a gun, but bullets flew out the magazine]'' Ahh! Great, teach the kid. No need to show ''me'' anything.
 == Dialogue ==
 :'''JJ''': What do you do for a living?
 :'''Sophie''': ''[hooked up to the lie detector]'' I'm a KGB agent posing as a 4th grader. My brother has three legs and sells crack, and my mother is a prostitute.
+:'''JJ''': ''[turns off the lie detector]'' I don't need a machine to tell me if someone's lying.
+:'''Sophie''': Yeah?
+:'''JJ''': ''[pulls Sophie's chair]'' Yeah. I can smell a lie.
 <hr width="50%"/>
@@ Line 26: / Line 32: @@
 :'''JJ''': No. it's okay. I'm good. I'm just gonna head home and gather my thoughts. Really, I'm fine. Excuse me.
 :''[Carlos, Todd, Kate, and Sophie watch JJ walk out of the elevator injured and limping to his room]''
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:'''Bobbi''': ''[hears JJ enter the room]'' How was your day?
+:'''JJ''': It was good. Yours?
+:'''Bobbi''': Fine.
+:'''JJ''': Something wrong?
+:'''Bobbi''': No.
+:'''JJ''': Are you sure? 'Cause it seems like something might be bothering you.
+:'''Bobbi''': You helped train her how to pass a lie detector, but not me. I mean, I don't wanna be ageist here, JJ, but she is 9. She still sleeps with a night-light. I'm a professional hacker with a Master's degree in English!
+:'''JJ''': We just spent a little time together. I wasn't teaching her anything.
+:'''Bobbi''': Oh, well, you taught her how to place shaped charges! ''[shows footage]''
+:'''JJ''': It was just Play-Doh.
+:'''Bobbi''': That's not the point.
+:'''JJ''': Should I get you some Play-Doh?
+:'''Bobbi''': I can get my own Play-Doh.
+:'''JJ''': Are you sure? Because I'd be happy to get you some.
+:'''Bobbi''': Don't you make this about the Play-Doh. This is about us! We're partners!
+:'''JJ''': I already told you: you are not my partner. ''[Bobbi walks out]'' Hey! Did you make dinner?
+:'''Bobbi''': ''[walks back in]'' Let me just hop right on that. ''[blinks angrily, then walks back out]''
 <hr width="50%"/>
@@ Line 31: / Line 56: @@
 :'''JJ''': There's a new bottle in the back behind the mustard. ''[Kate and Sophie looks at JJ]'' I'd... bet.
 :'''Kate''': Thanks.
+<hr width="50%"/>
+:'''Sophie''': Uncle Victor, why are you doing this?
+:'''Victor''': [[Muppets Most Wanted|You're my insurance.]] And don't call me "uncle". [[The Lion King|Your father and I hated each other.]] I'm not your family.
+:'''Sophie''': I wanna go home! Take me back!
+:'''Victor''': SHUT UP! Not another word!
 == Cast ==

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