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Nixon (film)

2019-09-14T15:09:59Z

StjJackson:

{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Nixon (film)|Nixon]]''''' is a [[w:1995 in film|1995 American biographical film]] that tells the story of the political and personal life of former [[w:President of the United States|US President]] [[Richard Nixon]].
:''Directed by [[Oliver Stone]]. Written by [[w:Stephen J. Rivele|Stephen J. Rivele]], [[w:Christopher Wilkinson|Christopher Wilkinson]], and [[Oliver Stone]].''
{{center|'''He changed the world, but lost a nation.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

== [[Richard Nixon]] ==

* Buddy, before you join the jubilation at my being beaten again, you should remember: people vote not out of love, but fear. They don't teach that at Sunday School or the Whittier Community Playhouse!
* ''[to a portrait of John F. Kennedy]'' When they look at you, they see who they want to be. They look at me and they see what they are.
* This is about me. Why can't you understand that, you of all people? It's not the war—it's Nixon! They want to destroy Nixon! And if I expose myself even the slightest bit they'll tear my insides out. Do you want that? Do you want to see that, Buddy? It's not pretty.
* Always remember: others may hate you. But those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself.
* I believe Governor Brown has a heart, even though he believes I do not. I believe he's a good American, even though he feels I am not. I'm proud of the fact that I defended my opponent's patriotism. You gentlemen didn't report it, but I'm proud that I did that. And I would appreciate it for once, gentlemen, if you would just print what I say. For sixteen years, ever since the Hiss case, you've had a lot of fun - a lot of fun. But recognize you have a responsibility, if you're against the candidate, to give him the shaft, but if you do that, at least put one lonely reporter on the campaign who will report what the candidate says now and then. I think, all-in-all, I've given as good as I've taken. But as I leave you I-I want you to know—just think what you're gonna be missing. You won't have Nixon to kick around any more ''[echoes]'' - uh, uh, because, gentlemen, this is my last press conference. Thank you and good day.
* ''[saying farewell to his staff]'' There are many fine careers. This country needs good farmers, good businessmen, good plumbers, good carpenters. I remember my old man. I think that they would have called him sort of a, sort of a little man, common man. Well, he didn't consider himself that way. You know what he was? He was a streetcar motorman first. Then he was a farmer, and then he had a lemon ranch. It was the poorest lemon ranch in California, I can assure you. He sold it before they found oil on it. And then he was a grocer. But he was a great man because he did his job, and every job counts, up to the hilt, regardless of what happened. Nobody will ever write a book, probably, about my mother. Well, I guess all of you would say this about your mother. But my mother was a saint. When I think of her two boys dying of tuberculosis, and seeing each of them die, and when they died. Yes, she will have no books written about her. But, she was a saint. Now, however, we look to the future. I remember something, uh, Theodore Roosevelt wrote when his first wife died in his twenties. He thought the light had gone from his life forever. But he went on and he not only became President, but as an ex-President he served his country, always in the arena, tempestuous, strong, sometimes right, sometimes wrong, but he was a man.

And as I leave, that's an example I think all of us should remember. You see, we think sometimes when things happen that don't go the right way, we think that when someone dear to us dies, uh, when we lose an election, or when we suffer defeat, that all is ended. Not true. It's only a beginning, always, because the greatness comes not when things go always good for you, but the greatness comes when you're really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes. Because only if you have been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain. So, I say to you on this occasion, we leave, proud of the people who have stood by us and worked for us, and served this government and this country. We want you to continue to serve in government, if that is what you wish. Remember, always give your best. Never get discouraged. Never be petty. And always remember: Others may hate you, but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them, and then, you destroy yourself. And so we leave with high hopes and good spirits and deep humility. And I say to each and every one of you, not only will we always remember you, but always you will be in our hearts, and you will be in our prayers.

== Pat Nixon ==

* It took me a long time to fall in love with you, Dick. But it doesn't make you happy. You want them to love you. But they never will, Dick. No matter how many elections you win.

== J. Edgar Hoover ==

* Why do you think Kissinger is taping your calls? For history. His word against yours — and right now he's got the records.

== Henry Kissinger ==

* Can you imagine what this man would be like had anyone ever loved him?

== E. Howard Hunt ==

* ''[to John Dean]'' John, sooner or later, sooner, I think, you're gonna learn a lesson that's been learned by everyone who's ever gotten close to Richard Nixon. That he's the darkness reaching out for the darkness. And eventually, it's either you or him. Your grave's already been dug, John.

== Dialogue ==

:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': I hate these cocktail parties. John, I'm in hell. I'll be mentally dead in two years and physically dead in four.
:'''John Mitchell''': Make some money, Dick. Prove yourself to the Wall Street crowd. Let [[Barry Goldwater|Goldwater]] and [[w:Nelson Rockefeller|Rockefeller]] take the fall against [[John F. Kennedy|Kennedy]].
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': I don't know why. I miss making love to the people. I miss entering a room. I miss the pure acting of it, John. I gotta get back in the arena.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': Nobody's gonna beat Kennedy in '64. Not with all the money in the world.
:'''Cuban Man''': Suppose Kennedy don't run in '64.
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': Not a chance.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': ''[speaking to a group of young protestors outside the Lincoln Memorial]'' Well, probably most of you think I'm a real SOB. I know that. I understand how you feel, but you know, I want peace too. But peace with honor.
:'''Student #2''': What does that mean?
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': Well, you can't have peace without a price. Sometimes you have to be willing to fight for peace, and sometimes to die.
:'''Student #2''': Yeah? Tell that to the GI's who are gonna die tomorrow in Vietnam.
:'''Student #1''': What you have to understand, Mr. Nixon, is we're willing to die for what we believe in.
:''[the other protesters say "Yeah!"]''
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': ''[Turns and points to the statue of Lincoln]'' Look, that man up there, he lived in similar times. He had chaos and civil war and hatred between the races. Sometimes I go to the Lincoln room at the White House and just pray. But you know, liberals act like idealism belongs to them. That's not true. My family went Republican because Lincoln freed the slaves. My grandmother was an abolitionist, those Quakers who founded Whittier, my hometown... to abolish slavery. They were, y'know, conservative Bible folk, but they had a powerful sense of right and wrong. And 40 years ago, I was like you, looking for answers.
:''[the protesters scoff, unconvinced. Haldeman arrives and push through the crowd to come to his side]''
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': It's OK, Bob, we're just rapping, my friends and I. In fact we agree on a lot of things, don't we?
:'''Young Student''': No, we don't! You say you want to end the war, so why don't you?
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': Change always comes slowly. I pulled out more than half the troops. I'm trying to cut the military budget for the first time in 30 years. I want a volunteer army. But it's also a question of American credibility, our position in the world.
:'''Student #1''': Come on, Mr. Nixon. It's a civil war between Vietnamese.
:'''Young Student''': You don't want the war, we don't want the war, the Vietnamese don't want the war, so why does it go on?
:''[Nixon hesitates. Haldeman whispers "We should be going" to him]''
:'''Young Student''': You can't stop it, can you? Even if you wanted to. Because it's not you, it's the system. The system won't let you stop it.
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': There's... there's more at stake here than what you want, or what I want.
:'''Young Student''': Then what's the point? What's the point of being President? You're powerless!
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': No. No, I'm not powerless. Because, because I understand the system, I believe I can, uh, I can control it. Maybe not control it totally, but tame it enough to make it do some good.
:'''Young Student''': Sounds like you're talking about a wild animal.
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': Yeah, maybe I am.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Pat Nixon''': This isn't political, Dick. This is our life.
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': Everything's political, for Christ's sake! I'm political! You're political!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': You see, when I saw [[Robert Kennedy|Bobby]] lying there on the floor, arms stretched out, his eyes staring... I knew then I'd be President. His death paved the way, didn't it? Vietnam, the Kennedys, cleared a path through the wilderness just for me. Over the bodies. Four bodies.
:'''H. R. Haldeman''': You mean two. Two bodies.
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': Four.
:''[He walks up to a portrait of Abraham Lincoln]''
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': How many did you have? Hundreds of thousands? Where would we be without death? Abe? Who's helping us? Is it God or is it death?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''H. R. Haldeman''': Eight words back in '72. 'I covered up. I was wrong. I'm sorry'. The American public would have forgiven him. But we never opened our mouths, John. We failed him.
:'''John Ehrlichman''': Dick Nixon apologize? That will be the day. Most of his armor would fall off.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': ''[putting his arm around him]'' John, I want you to get away from this madhouse, these reporters, and go up to Camp David for the weekend. And I want you to write up a report. I want you to put everything you know about Watergate in there.
:'''John Dean''': You want me to put it all in writing. Over my signature.
:'''[[Richard Nixon]]''': Well, nobody knows more about this thing than you do, John. The details, that stuff, I don't know about.
:''[pause]''
:'''John Dean''': Sir, I'm not going to be the scapegoat for this. Haldeman and Ehrlichman are in just as deep as me.

== Taglines ==
* He changed the world, but lost a nation.
* He had greatness within his grasp.
* Triumphant in Victory, Bitter in Defeat. He Changed the World, But Lost a Nation.
* Shattered by a dangerous web of conspiracy, betrayal and intrigue!

== Cast ==
* [[Anthony Hopkins]] - [[Richard Nixon]]
* [[w:Joan Allen|Joan Allen]] - [[w:Pat Nixon|Pat Nixon]]
* [[James Woods]] - [[w:H. R. Haldeman|H. R. Haldeman]]
* [[w:J. T. Walsh|J. T. Walsh]] - [[John Ehrlichman]]
* [[w:John Diehl (actor)|John Diehl]] - [[G. Gordon Liddy]]
* [[w:Paul Sorvino|Paul Sorvino]] - [[Henry Kissinger]]
* [[w:Powers Boothe|Powers Boothe]] - [[Alexander Haig]]
* [[w:Ed Harris|Ed Harris]] - [[w:E. Howard Hunt|E. Howard Hunt]]
* [[w:Bob Hoskins|Bob Hoskins]] - [[J. Edgar Hoover]]
* [[w:Brian Bedford|Brian Bedford]] - [[w:Clyde Tolson|Clyde Tolson]]
* [[Mary Steenburgen]] - [[w:Hannah Milhous Nixon|Hannah Milhous Nixon]]
* [[w:E. G. Marshall|E. G. Marshall]] - [[John N. Mitchell]]
* [[Madeline Kahn]] - [[Martha Beall Mitchell]]
* [[w:David Paymer|David Paymer]] - [[w:Ron Ziegler|Ron Ziegler]]
* [[w:David Hyde Pierce|David Hyde Pierce]] - [[John Dean]]
* [[w:Kevin Dunn|Kevin Dunn]] - [[Charles Colson]]
* [[w:Tony Goldwyn|Tony Goldwyn]] - [[w:Harold Nixon|Harold Nixon]]
* [[w:Saul Rubinek|Saul Rubinek]] - [[w:Herbert G. Klein|Herbert G. Klein]]
* [[w:Edward Herrmann|Edward Herrmann]] - [[w:Nelson Rockefeller|Nelson Rockefeller]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0113987|title=Nixon}}

[[Category:1995 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Biographical films]]
[[Category:Political drama films]]
[[Category:Oliver Stone films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Oliver Stone]]
[[Category:Films set in Washington, D.C.]]

Darkseid

2019-07-23T21:32:38Z

StjJackson: /* Legacy */

{{cleanup}}
[[File:Coughlin-Social-Justice-NYC-Lange.jpeg|thumb|I like you [[w:Glorious Godfrey|Glorious Godfrey]]! You're a [[w:Shallow|shallow]], [[precious]] [[child]] -- The [[w:Revelationist|Revelationist]] -- [[Happy]] with the sweeping [[sound]] of [[words]]! But I am the Revelation! The tiger-force at the core of all things! When you cry out in your [[dreams]]--it is Darkseid that you see! ~ [[Jack Kirby]]]]
[[File:Enigma.jpg|thumb|Haven't you heard that Darkseid is a doddering [[old]] [[fool]] who spends his days working his [[w:Cipher|cypher]]? That's right...[[adding]], [[subtracting]], [[multiplying]], [[dividing]]...I fear this: As long as the [[w:Anti-Life Equation|Anti-Life Equation]] is unsolved, as long as a scrap of [[free will]] exists anywhere in the [[universe]]--then Darkseid remains unfulfilled. ~ [[w:Rick Veitch|Rick Veitch]]]]
'''[[w:Darkseid|Darkseid]]''' is a fictional character from DC Comics. He was created by [[w:Jack Kirby|Jack Kirby]] and his first appearance was in Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #134 November 1970.

==In Comics==

===New Gods #1 (1971)===
:''Written by [[Jack Kirby]]''

:'''[[w:Highfather|Highfather]]''': The [[universe]]--[[slave]] or [[free]]--on Apokolips their ruler, Darkseid, has already made that choice! What shall ours be, Orion?

===Final Crisis #5===
:'''Darkseid''' [simultaneously speaking through the three billion humans dominated by the Anti-Life Equation]: ''I. Am. The. New. God. All is one in Darkseid. This mighty body is my church. When I command your surrender, I speak with three billion voices. When I make a fist to crush your resistance. It is with three billion hands. When I stare into your eyes and shatter your dreams. And break your heart. It is with six billion eyes! Nothing like Darkseid has ever come among you: Nothing will again. I will take you to a hell without exit or end. And there I will murder your souls! And make you crawl and beg! And die! Die! Die for Darkseid!''

===Final Crisis #7===
:'''Darkseid''': ''You turned your back and I wrecked your world. I robbed your people of their powers, their hopes, their future, themselves. What will you do when your friends, your enemies, your lover, are all Darkseid? When there is one body. One mind. One will. One life that is Darkseid. Will you be the enemy of all existence, then? What irony that will be, Son of Krypton.''
----
:'''Darkseid''': ''The sun has set forever. There is a black hole where my heart should be.''

===Justice League of America vol. 3 #13===
:'''Darkseid''': ''New Genesis is a stinking cosmic sewer! I have fouled Paradise beyond repair and broken in the mire the shining cities of the Gods! I have won! Is this vanity? Then I will remake the entire universe in the image of my soul, Desaad. And when at last I turn to look upon the eternal desolation I have wrought...I will see Darkseid, as in a mirror....and know what fear is.''

===Justice League of America vol. 3 #14===
:'''Darkseid''': ''See what I have made! Imagine what is yet to come! I take away their confusion and give them obedience. I take away their fear of themselves and give them fear of Darkseid. I have liberated them from the chaos and indecision! I have given one straight path! One clear purpose! One goal: To die for Darkseid!''
----
:'''Darkseid''': ''Pain is what makes us strong. And all the gods are dead, Wonder Woman. There is no god but Darkseid. So kneel now or later. In the end, you will kneel.''

===Crisis on Infinite Earths #12===
:'''Darkseid''': (before attacking the [[w:Anti-Monitor|Anti-Monitor]]) ''Thus let him suffer the wrath of Darkseid.''

===Countdown to Final Crisis #8===
:'''Darkseid''': (To Solomon the Monitor) ''Checkmate, Monitor. Take consolation in the fact you never had a chance against me.''

===JLA Vol 1 14===
:'''Darkseid''': I CANNOT BE DESTROYED! I AM EVERYTHING! I CANNOT BE STOPPED! AND IN THE RUIN OF THIS ANTHILL PLANET I WILL BUILD AN EMPIRE OF ORDER! THAT IS MY WILL! THAT IS THE WILL OF DARKSEID!

===Legends Vol 1 1===
:'''Darkseid''': Perhaps the time has come to strike at the core of the problem - to destroy the very concept of such legends!

===Legends Vol 1 3===
:'''Darkseid''': Soon now, Earth's mightiest legends will be no more than dust - and that miserable world will at last be ripe for my picking!

===Legion of Super-Heroes Vol 2 292===
:'''Darkseid''': You may live to witness my triumph. Live -- to witness the darkness transcendant... and your ultimate, undying doom.

===Legion of Super-Heroes Vol 4 22===
:'''Darkseid''': Pitiful, transient beings. Their hour upon the stage is so indelibly brief. They would sooner have evolved to something of value. A prouder form... one of loftier ideals. And one without such petty concerns. The universe needs something closer to its kind. For Man is too cynical. It's not a time for Gods.

===Legion of Super-Heroes Vol 4 24===
:'''Darkseid''': Your conception of good and evil are insignificant, Querl Dox. In fact, your minuscule awareness of this is so obtuse and vain that to even consider yourself sentient -- would be a monumental disservice to those who are.

===New Gods Vol 4 1===
:'''Darkseid''': I am fear itself -- the terror hidden in your darkest dreams.
===Final Crisis===
:'''Darkseid''': There was a war in heaven, Mr. Turpin. And I won. Your future belongs to Darkseid now.

==Superman: The Animated Series==
[[File:Knight-chess.jpg|thumb|If you won't be my [[knight]], you will be my [[pawn]].]]
[[File:Graves_at_Arlington_on_Memorial_Day.JPG|thumb|Had I known one [[human]]'s [[death]] would [[pain]] you so, I would have [[killed]] more. And kill more I shall. Carry that [[agony]] with you to [[oblivion]], [[Superman]].]]
[[File:Omega_uc_lc.svg|thumb|I am many things [[Superman|Kal-El]] - but here, I am [[God]].]]
===Father's Day===
:''[Flying in, after Darkseid has just vaporized his son, Kalibak]''
:'''Superman:''' What have you done to him? ''[Pause; no response]'' I asked you a question. Who are you? ''[Smile; no response]'' Answer me!
:'''[[W:Darkseid|Darkseid]]:''' ''[attacks Superman with his Omega Beams, frying him until he's on the ground, writhing]'' ''That'' is who I am.

===Apokolips...Now!===
:'''Darkseid''': I did not return you to Earth so you could indulge in petty theft.
:'''Bruno Manheim''': Petty?! We cleared over twenty million!
:'''Darkseid''': I play for higher stakes.
----
:'''Bruno:''' You promised me you would make me a king!
:'''[[W:Darkseid|Darkseid]]:''' And so you are – a king of fools!
----
:'''Darkseid:''' If you won't be my knight, you will be my pawn.
----
:'''Darkseid:''' People of Earth, I am Darkseid, Lord of Apokolips! Here is your savior, cowed and broken. I have crushed him as easily as I have crushed all who have dared to oppose me throughout the Cosmos. I am power unlike any you have ever known: absolute, infinite, and unrelenting. You have no choice but to prepare as a long dark future as my subjects and my slaves.
----

===Little Girl Lost===

:'''Darkseid:''' Ever proud, eh, Kryptonian? I must say, I find it to be very...wearying.
:'''Superman:''' ''(referencing Granny Goodness)'' What was this bootlicker doing on Earth, Darkseid? I thought your business there was settled.
:'''Darkseid:''' I never settle. What I cannot have, I [[destroy]].

===Legacy===
:'''Darkseid:''' I can't [[believe]] he's [[blood]].
:'''Superman:''' You used me.
:'''Darkseid:''' I told you once, Superman: If you would not be my [[knight]], you would be my [[pawn]].
:'''Superman:''' I see you're a man of your [[word]].
:'''Darkseid:''' I am many things, Kal-El. You couldn't even begin to [[imagine]] half of them. But for now, I shall take the role of the [[executioner]]. A final [[gift]], my wayward son: A fast [[death]], infinitely preferable to the [[shame]] of returning to [[Earth]]. There, your [[legacy]] would be one of [[fear]] and [[distrust]] - a [[pariah]] desperately seeking the [[favor]] of a [[world]] that [[cursed]] your [[name]].
----
:'''Superman:''' ''[Punches Darkseid]'' That's for Dan Turpin!
:'''Darkseid:''' Who?
:'''Superman:''' The [[good]] [[man]] you [[murdered]]!
:'''Darkseid:''' Had I known one [[human]]'s [[death]] would [[pain]] you so, I would have [[killed]] more. ''[pummels Superman]'' And kill more I shall. Carry that [[agony]] with you to [[oblivion]], [[Superman]].
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Darkseid:''' I am many things, Kal-El - but here, I am [[God]].

==Justice League==
===Twilight===
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darkseid''': You really are a glutton for punishment. Time and again, I've beaten you, humbled you. What makes you think today's outcome will be any different?
:'''Superman''': Because this time, I'm not going to stop until you're just a greasy smear on my fist. Let's go.
----
:'''Darkseid''': This is where you belong, Superman -- Under my heel.
----
:'''Darkseid''': [''Watches as Superman, Batman, and Orion go through the Boom Tube, leaving him stranded''] Heh, loser.

===Alive!===
:'''Darkseid''': [''After an attempt to resurrect Brainiac by Lex Luthor, Darkseid is resurrected instead''] It seems I have you to thank for my resurrection. Though your world will suffer slowly I grant you a quick death.
:'''Darkseid''': Let the universe howl in despair, for I have returned.

===Destroyer===
:'''Darkseid:''' I hope you appreciate, Kal-El, that everything that happens from this point is on your head. The skies will rain fire, the oceans will boil, the streets will run red with the blood of billions. Only then, after your last pitiful hope is extinguished, will I end your life. Let's go.
----
:'''Lex Luthor:''' You destroyed Brainiac! I'm going to make you pay!
:'''Darkseid:''' Unlikely.
----
:'''Darkseid:''' I'm more powerful than I've ever been, and the last time we met, you barely managed to hold your own.
:'''Superman:''' Funny. That's not how I remember it.
:'''Darkseid:''' Allow me to refresh your memory. ''[Darkseid picks up the Daily Planet globe and uses it to slam Superman through every floor of the building]''
----
:'''Darkseid:''' Don't leave us yet, Kal-El. I want you to see your adopted homeworld bow down before me. Only then will I allow you death's sweet release.
----
:'''Darkseid:''' Impressive. No one has ever avoided my Omega Beam. I wonder if the other one is as agile. ''[Lex Luthor runs away]'' Excellent strategy.
----
:'''Darkseid:''' Your friends have abandoned you or fallen before my might. Super or otherwise, you're merely a man. And I am a god.
----
:'''Darkseid:''' It's called the Agony Matrix. Direct neural stimulation of pain receptors - all of them. Imagine the worst pain you've ever felt in your life, times a thousand. Now imagine that pain continuing. Forever. Oh, that's right... you don't ''have'' to ''imagine''.
----
:'''Darkseid:''' Still alive. You impress me, Kryptonian. More, your valor has touched my heart. Oh yes, there is still some small part of me that knows mercy. I will end your pain... with something special I've been saving for just this occasion. ''[Darkseid draws a [[W:Kryptonite|Kryptonite]] knife]'' I'm going to carve out your heart and put it on a pike in my throne room.
:'''Lex Luthor:''' As much as I'd enjoy seeing that, first you've got some business with me. Sorry it took me so long - I had to go get my power suit.
:'''Darkseid:''' You dare challenge me? Insanity!
:'''Lex Luthor:''' Oh, I'm not here to challenge you, Darkseid. Quite the contrary. I've got something you want. The ''only'' thing you want.
:'''Darkseid:''' ''[astonished]'' The [[W:Anti-Life Equation|Anti-Life Equation]]!
:'''Lex Luthor:''' My gift to you.
----
:'''Darkseid:''' [[W:Anti-Life Equation|It]]'s beautiful, isn't it?
:'''Lex Luthor:''' Yes...yes, it is.
''[Darkseid and Luthor are swept up in the equation's cosmic power.]''

==Justice League Heroes==
:'''Darkseid''': Brainiac is no more. Tremble before the power of...
:'''Superman''': [surprisingly shocked] Darkseid!
:'''Darkseid''': Greetings, Superman.
:'''Batman''': You tricked Brainiac into freeing you from your extra-dimensional prison.
:'''Darkseid''': I promised him he would unleash power beyond imagining. I fulfilled our bargain. To the letter.
:'''Zatanna''': Yeah, and he was also promised great knowledge.
:'''Darkseid''': And I delivered. What higher lesson is there than is this: Never trust Darkseid.
:'''Superman''': Get off my planet... monster!
:'''Darkseid''': Normally a threat from you is worth considering, but with both the Mother Box and Sensory Matrix Field Generator at my command, I'd rather think you should get off my planet.
:'''Darkseid''': You can't control me, you can't destroy me, and there is no prison in the universe that can hold me.
:'''Wonder Woman''': I don't believe you're telling me the truth.
:[wraps her lasso around Darkseid]
:'''Wonder Woman''': You know the power of my magic lasso. No one bound by it can tell a lie.
:'''Darkseid''': If I were free, I'd tear you limb from limb.
:'''Zatanna''': I believe him.

==Injustice 2==
The Coluan, Brainiac, was a genius without peer. But. I. Am. A God. I could not allow an errant intellect to steal the object of my vengeance. Superman refused to submit to my will, denied my conquest of Earth, and killed my son, Kalibak. He suffered and perished. But not until I told him exactly what would happen after he died. Kara Zor-El proved quite resilient, but eventually, DeSaad broke her. She is a powerful weapon--a natural leader for my new, invincible breed of parademons, cloned from the DNA of Superman himself. Superman robbed me of my blood. Now, our score is settled. That is the will of Darkseid!

== About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' ==
[[File:Lviv_pogrom_(June_-_July_1941).jpg|thumb|Ruler of [[w:Apokolips|Apokolips]]! Wielder of [[Holocaust]]! Disciple of [[power]] and [[death]]! ~ [[Jack Kirby]]]]
[[File:Jacob_Riis,_Lodgers_in_a_Crowded_Bayard_Street_Tenement.jpg|thumb|200px|Darkseid constitutes the kind of [[men]] Kirby was acquainted with in his [[youth]]. The [[w:slumlord|slum lords]], made famous in [[Will Eisner]]’s ''[[w:A Contract With God|A Contract With God]]'', were men (perhaps [[women]]?) with [[w:agenda|agendas]]. They operated on [[morals]] dictated by their [[business]] mindset. The [[cost]] of [[rent]], the [[w:Living conditions|living conditions]], and the [[w:quality of life|quality of life]] they allowed for their [[w:tenants|tenants]] was in line with their [[w:standards|standards]]. To them, that standard was [[w:Appropriate|appropriate]]. To call them “[[evil]]” or “[[unethical]]” is an inaccurate [[w:assessment|assessment]]. They were [[gods]] within the [[worlds]] they created. ~ Stuart Warren]]
*'''[[w:Orion (DC comics)|Orion]]''': Ruler of [[w:Apokolips|Apokolips]]! Wielder of [[Holocaust]]! Disciple of [[power]] and [[death]]!
** [[Jack Kirby]], ''[[w:New Gods|New Gods]]'' #1, (February 1971).

*'''Darkseid''': I like you [[w:Glorious Godfrey|Glorious Godfrey]]! You're a [[w:Shallow|shallow]], [[precious]] [[child]] -- The [[w:Revelationist|Revelationist]] -- [[Happy]] with the sweeping [[sound]] of [[words]]! But I am the Revelation! The tiger-force at the core of all things! When you cry out in your [[dreams]]--it is Darkseid that you see!
** [[Jack Kirby]], ''[[w:The Forever People|The Forever People]]'' vol. 1 #3, (July 1971)

* As for his [Darkseid's] creation, this would've been the late 1960s, while Kirby was still at Marvel Comics, before he jumped ship to DC, Mark Evanier is on record saying Jack was channeling [[Richard Nixon]] when writing Darkseid's dialogue. Kirby hated Nixon.
** John Morrow; as quoted in "Come Into The Darkside: A Look Inside the Mind of Darkseid, the Tyrant of Apokolips", by James Heath Lance; in [https://books.google.com/books?id=b4VXDwAAQBAJ ''Back Issue #104''], (June, 2018), p.26 .

*'''[[Superman]]''': Darkseid lives for [[manipulation]]. He has [[hypnotists]], [[scientists]] and [[sadists]] whose only functions are to break your [[spirit]]. Darkseid is [[evil]].
** [[w:Tab Murphy|Tab Murphy]], ''[[Superman/Batman: Apocalypse]]'', (September 28, 2010).

*'''Darkseid''': To Darkseid there is [[value]] in anything that can turn a being of such [[power]] into quivering jelly. I think we owe this [[w:Mother Box|mother box]] a [[debt]] for relieving his [[dementia]] and preserving a [[w:Record|record]] of it for us. Little mother box...you [[fear]] me, do you? Haven't you heard that Darkseid is a doddering old fool who spends his days working his cypher? That's right...[[adding]], [[subtracting]], [[multiplying]], [[dividing]]...I fear this: As long as the [[w:Anti-Life Equation|Anti-Life Equation]] is unsolved, as long as a scrap of [[free will]] exists anywhere in the [[universe]]--then Darkseid remains unfulfilled.
** [[w:Rick Veitch|Rick Veitch]], ''[[Swamp Thing]]'' Vol 2 #62, (July, 1987)

* Darkseid constitutes the kind of [[men]] Kirby was acquainted with in his [[youth]]. The [[w:slumlord|slum lords]], made famous in [[Will Eisner]]’s ''[[w:A Contract With God|A Contract With God]]'', were men (perhaps [[women]]?) with [[w:agenda|agendas]]. They operated on [[morals]] dictated by their [[business]] mindset. The [[cost]] of [[rent]], the [[w:Living conditions|living conditions]], and the [[w:quality of life|quality of life]] they allowed for their [[w:tenants|tenants]] was in line with their [[w:standards|standards]]. To them, that standard was [[w:Appropriate|appropriate]]. To call them “[[evil]]” or “[[unethical]]” is an inaccurate [[w:assessment|assessment]]. They were [[gods]] within the [[worlds]] they created.
** Stuart Warren, [http://sequart.org/magazine/49427/jack-kirby-and-his-pal-darkseid/ "Jack Kirby and His Pal Darkseid"], ''Sequart'', (August 26, 2014).

== External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:Fictional characters]]
[[Category:DC Comics]]

John F. Kennedy

2019-07-01T15:40:17Z

StjJackson: Said by a Navy buddy of JFK in some documentary. The Navy buddy died in 2015, i think

[[File:John F. Kennedy, White House color photo portrait.jpg|thumb|The [[w:New Frontier|New Frontier]] of which I [[speak]] is not a set of [[promises]] — it is a set of [[challenges]]. It sums up not what I intend to offer the [[American]] [[people]], but what I intend to ask of them.]]
'''[[w:John F. Kennedy|John Fitzgerald Kennedy]]''' ([[29 May]] [[1917]] – [[22 November]] [[1963]]), often referred to by his initials '''JFK''', was the 35th [[w:President|President]] of the [[w:United States|United States]], a brother of [[Robert F. Kennedy]] and [[Ted Kennedy]], and the first husband of [[Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis]].

== Quotes ==
[[File:Minute_Man_Statue_Lexington_Massachusetts_cropped.jpg|thumb|[[War]] will exist until that distant day when the [[w:Conscientious objector|conscientious objector]] enjoys the same [[reputation]] and prestige that the warrior does today.]]
[[File:JFK PT-109 Coconut.jpg|thumb|NATIVE [[Knowledge|KNOWS]] POS'IT…HE CAN PILOT…]]
[[File:Lt. John F. Kennedy with other crewmen on board USS PT-109.jpg|thumb|11 [[Life|ALIVE]] NEED SMALL BOAT]]
[[File:Sprit of '76.2.jpeg|thumb|Those who make [[peaceful]] [[revolution]] [[impossible]] will make [[violent]] revolution inevitable.]]
[[File:Kennedy at the Brandenburg Gate.jpg|thumb|The [[great]] [[revolution]] in the [[history]] of man, past, present and future, is the revolution of those determined to be [[free]].]]
[[File:President Kennedy signs Nuclear Test Ban Treaty, 07 October 1963.jpg|thumb|I can assure you that every degree of [[mind]] and [[spirit]] that I possess will be devoted to the long-range interests of the [[United States]] and to the cause of [[freedom]] around the [[world]].]]
[[File:John_F._Kennedy_-_NARA_-_518134.jpg|thumb|I [[believe]] in an [[America]] that is on the march — an America respected by all [[nations]], [[friends]] and [[foes]] alike — an America that is moving, doing, working, trying — a [[strong]] America in a [[world]] of [[peace]]. That peace must be based on world [[law]] and world [[order]], on the mutual respect of all nations for the [[rights]] and [[powers]] of others and on a world [[economy]] in which no nation lacks the [[ability]] to provide a decent standard of living for all of its people.]]
[[File:Kennedy and Shepard in Washington D.C. - GPN-2000-001659.jpg|thumb|This flight was made out in the open with all the possibilities of [[failure]], which would have been damaging to our country's prestige. Because great risks were taken in that regard, it seems to me that we have some right to claim that this open [[society]] of ours which risked much, gained much.]]
[[File:JFK and PC 96 Officers.jpg|thumb|We sometimes chafe at the burden of our [[obligations]], the [[complexity]] of our [[decisions]], the [[agony]] of our [[choices]]. But there is no [[comfort]] or [[security]] for us in evasion, no solution in abdication, no relief in irresponsibility.]]
[[File:Frankfurt Paulskirche Relief Kennedy 2.jpg|thumb|[[Change]] is the [[law]] of [[life]]. And those who look only to the [[past]] or the [[present]] are certain to miss the [[future]].]]
[[File:Artgate Fondazione Cariplo - Canova Antonio, Socrate congeda la propria famiglia.jpg|thumb|Although a country may stand still, [[history]] never stands still. Thus, if we do not soon begin to move forward again, we will inevitably be left behind. … But [[effort]] and [[courage]] are not enough without [[purpose]] and direction. For, as [[Socrates]] told us, "If a man does not know to what port he is sailing, no [[wind]] is favorable."]]
[[File:JFK Khrushchev Handshake 1961.jpg|thumb|Across the gulfs and barriers that now divide us, we must remember that there are no permanent [[enemies]]. Hostility today is a [[fact]], but it is not a ruling [[law]]. The supreme [[reality]] of our [[time]] is our indivisibility as [[children]] of [[God]] and our common vulnerability on this planet.]]
[[File:JFK and family in Hyannis Port, 04 August 1962.jpg|thumb|Our [[progress]] as a [[nation]] can be no swifter than our progress in [[education]]. … The [[human]] [[mind]] is our fundamental resource.]]
[[File:Gedenktafel John-F.-Kennedy-Platz (Schöb) John F Kennedy.JPG|thumb|The great [[enemy]] of the [[truth]] is very often not the [[lie]] — deliberate, contrived and [[dishonest]] — but the [[myth]] — persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic.]]
[[File:Printing4 Walk of Ideas Berlin.JPG|thumb|A man may die, [[nations]] may rise and fall, but an [[idea]] [[lives]] on. Ideas have endurance without [[death]].]]
[[File:Kennedy and Khrushchev in Vienna 1961.png|thumb|[[Nikita Khrushchev|He]] reminds me of the [[tiger]] hunter who has picked a place on the wall to hang the tiger's skin long before he his caught the tiger. This tiger has other ideas.]]
[[File:Leeds Town Hall, General Election results.jpg|thumb|In a [[democracy]], every citizen, regardless of his interest in [[politics]], 'hold office'; everyone of us is in a position of [[responsibility]]; and, in the final analysis, the kind of [[government]] we get depends upon how we fulfill those responsibilities. We, the [[people]], are the boss, and we will get the kind of political [[leadership]], be it good or bad, that we demand and deserve.]]
[[File:Hardtack Umbrella nuke.jpg|thumb|In a [[world]] of [[danger]] and trial, [[peace]] is our deepest aspiration … But it is an unfortunate [[fact]] that we can secure peace only by preparing for [[war]].]]
[[File:Kennedy greeting Peace Corps volunteers, 1961.jpg|thumb|The [[courage]] of [[life]] is often a less dramatic spectacle than the courage of a final [[moment]]; but it is no less a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy. A man does what he [[must]] — in spite of personal [[consequences]], in spite of obstacles and [[dangers]], and pressures — and that is the basis of all human [[morality]].]]
[[File:Congressman John F. Kennedy 1947.JPG|thumb| Things don't just happen, they are made to happen.]]
[[File:Kennedy funeral procession leaves White House, 25 November 1963.jpg|thumb|The [[world]] was not meant to be a [[prison]] in which man awaits his execution.]]

=== Pre-1960 ===
* '''[[War]] will exist until that distant day when the [[w:Conscientious objector|conscientious objector]] enjoys the same [[reputation]] and prestige that the warrior does today.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Undated Letter to a Navy friend]; [http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/26/magazine/26wwln-safire-t.html also mentioned by William Safire in his "On Language" article "Warrior" in the ''New York Times'' rubric Magazines (26 August 2007)]; [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx also in ''A Thousand Days : John F. Kennedy in the White House'' (1965), by Arthur Schlesinger, p. 88]

* '''NAURO NATIVE KNOWS POSIT   HE CAN PILOT   11 ALIVE   NEED SMALL BOAT   KENNEDY'''
** Message carved into a coconut after the wreck of [[w:Motor Torpedo Boat PT-109|PT-109]] (6 August 1943). This has often been misquoted as "11 ALIVE NATIVE KNOWS POSIT & REEF NAURU ISLAND KENNEDY"
*** [http://web.archive.org/web/20021217024428/http://www.npr.org/programs/re/archivesdate/2002/jul/ Explorer Finds Kennedy's WWII Boat]
* '''Where in the hell have you guys been? I've been at this bus stop for a whole week now."
**Kennedy upon being rescued.

* After visiting these places, you can easily understand how that within a few years [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] will emerge from the hatred that surrounds him now as one of the most significant figures who ever lived. He had boundless [[ambition]] for his [[country]] which rendered him a menace to the [[peace]] of the [[world]], but he had a mystery about him in the way that he lived and in the manner of his death that will live and grow after him. He had in him the stuff of which legends are made.
** After visiting such Nazi strongholds as were found in [[w:Berchtesgaden|Berchtesgaden]] and [[w:Kehlsteinhaus|Kehlsteinhaus]]; Personal diary (1 August 1945); published in ''Prelude to Leadership'' (1995)

* '''If more politicians knew [[poetry]], and more poets knew [[politics]], I am convinced the world would be a little better place in which to live.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Remarks at Harvard University, Cambridge, Massachusetts (14 June 1956)]; Box 895, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library

* '''Let us not despair but act. Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past — let us accept our own responsibility for the future.'''
** Remarks at [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Loyola College Alumni Banquet, Baltimore, Maryland (18 February 1958)]; Box 899, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library

* '''In the Chinese language, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters, one representing danger and the other, opportunity.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Remarks at the United Negro College Fund, Indianapolis, Indiana (12 April 1959)]; Box 902, Senate Speech Files, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library; also in Remarks at Valley Forge Country Club, Pennsylvania (29 October 1960), Box 914, Senate Speech Files, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library

* Mr. President, Senate Joint Resolution 31, concerning which there has been little, if any, public interest or knowledge, constitutes one of the most far-reaching — and I believe mistaken — schemes ever proposed to alter the American constitutional system. No one knows with any certainty what will happen if our electoral system is totally revamped as proposed by Senate Joint Resolution 31 and the various amendments which will be offered to it. Today, we have a clearly Federal system of electing our President, under which the States act as units. Today, we have the two-party system, under which third parties and splinter parties are effectively discouraged from playing more than a negligible role. Today, we have a system which in all but one instance throughout our history has given us presidents elected by a plurality of the popular vote. I refer to one instance, because the frequently mentioned situation in 1824, involving Andrew Jackson and John Quincy Adams, in which six States did not have popular votes, can be ignored; and the other frequently mentioned case, that of the Hayes-Tilden contest, involved outright corruption, and the decision of the electoral commission was responsible for the election of Hayes; so in the 175 years of our constitutional system, there is really only one valid example in which the present system produced the election of a candidate who did not receive the largest number of votes. And today we have an electoral vote system which gives both large States and small States certain advantages and disadvantages that offset each other.
**Debate about the Lodge-Gossett amendment, which would abolish the Electoral College; [https://www.nytimes.com/1955/06/22/archives/to-change-election-system-senator-explains-the-resolution-to.html To Change Election System; Senator Explains the Resolution to Abolish Electoral College] Congressional Record, March 20th 1955 [https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/GPO-CRECB-1956-pt4/pdf/GPO-CRECB-1956-pt4-9-1.pdf Congressional Record], page 5156

==== ''[[w:Profiles_in_Courage|Profiles in Courage]]'' (1956) ====

* The voters selected us, in short, because they had [[confidence]] in our [[judgement]] and our [[ability]] to exercise that judgement from a position where we could determine what were their own best interest, as a part of the nation's interest.
** p. 15

* Only the very [[courageous]] will be able to keep alive the [[spirit]] of [[individualism]] and [[dissent]] which gave birth to this nation, nourished it as an infant, and carried it through its severest tests upon the attainment of its maturity.
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=JVEHpHb-VKQC&printsec=frontcover&dq=Pro%EF%AC%81les+in+Courage&hl=en&sa=X&ei=aZntUeC6CpOMyAG2_ICgAw&ved=0CDQQ6AEwAA#v=snippet&q=individualism%20&f=false ''Profiles in Courage'' (1956), p. 17]

* '''The true [[democracy]], living and growing and inspiring, puts its [[faith]] in the [[people]] — faith that the people will not simply elect men who will represent their views ably and faithfully, but will also elect men who will exercise their conscientious judgment — faith that the people will not condemn those whose devotion to [[principle]] leads them to unpopular courses, but will reward [[courage]], respect [[honor]], and ultimately recognize right.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations/Profiles-in-Courage-quotations.aspx 1964 Memorial Edition, p. 264]

* '''For in a democracy, every citizen, regardless of his interest in politics, 'hold office'; everyone of us is in a position of responsibility; and, in the final analysis, the kind of government we get depends upon how we fulfill those responsibilities. We, the people, are the boss, and we will get the kind of political leadership, be it good or bad, that we demand and deserve.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations/Profiles-in-Courage-quotations.aspx 1964 Memorial Edition, p. 265]

* For without belittling the courage with which men have died, we should not forget those acts of courage with which men — such as the subjects of this book — have lived. '''The courage of life is often a less dramatic spectacle than the courage of a final moment; but it is no less a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy. A man does what he must — in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers, and pressures — and that is the basis of all human morality. In whatever area in life one may meet the challenges of courage, whatever may be the sacrifices he faces if he follows his conscience — the loss of his friends, his fortune, his contentment, even the esteem of his fellow men — each man must decide for himself the course he will follow. The stories of past courage can define that ingredient — they can teach, they can offer hope, they can provide inspiration. But they cannot supply courage itself. For this each man must look into his own soul.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations/Profiles-in-Courage-quotations.aspx 1964 Memorial Edition, p. 266]

=== 1960 ===
* '''[[Richard Nixon|Dick Nixon]] is the victim of the worst press that ever hit a politician in this country.''' What they did to him in the Helen Gahagan Douglas race was disgusting.
** As quoted in ''Kennedy and Nixon'' (1996) by Christopher Matthews, p.123

* '''We celebrate the past to awaken the future.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks at the 25th Anniversary of the Signing of the Social Security Act," Hyde Park, New York (14 August 1960)]; Box 910, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library

* [[Franklin Roosevelt|President Roosevelt]] and [[Harry Truman|President Truman]] and [[Dwight D. Eisenhower|President Eisenhower]] had the same [[experience]], they all made the effort to get along with the Russians. But every time, finally it failed. And the reason it failed was because '''the [[Communists]] are determined to destroy us, and regardless of what hand of friendship we may hold out or what arguments we may put up, the only thing that will make that decisive difference is the strength of the United States.'''
**[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=74188 Speech at Democratic Rally, George Washington High School Stadium, Alexandria, Virginia (24 August 1960)]

* '''Now let me make it clear that I believe there can only be one defense policy for the United States and that is summed up in the word 'first.' I do not mean 'first, but'. I do not mean 'first, when'. I do not mean 'first, if'. I mean 'first — period'.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Speech at VFW Convention, Detroit, Michigan," (26 August 1960); Box 910, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library]

* '''In a world of danger and trial, peace is our deepest aspiration''', and when peace comes we will gladly convert not our swords into plowshares, but our bombs into peaceful reactors, and our planes into space vessels. "Pursue peace," the Bible tells us, and we shall pursue it with every effort and every energy that we possess. But '''it is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only by preparing for war.'''
** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=25654 Speech at Civic Auditorium, Seattle, Washington (6 September 1960)]

* '''That requires only one kind of defense policy, a policy summed up in a single word "first." I do not mean "first, if," I do not mean "first, but," I do not mean "first, when," but I mean "First, period."'''
** Speech at Civic Auditorium, Seattle, Washington (6 September 1960)

* '''My call is not to those who believe they belong to the past. My call is to those who believe in the future.'''
** Speech at Civic Auditorium, Seattle, Washington (6 September 1960)

* We are a great and strong country — perhaps the greatest and strongest in the history of the world. But greatness and strength are not our natural right. They are not gifts which are automatically ours forever. It took toil and courage and determination to build this country — and it will take those same qualities if we are to maintain it. For, '''although a country may stand still, history never stands still. Thus, if we do not soon begin to move forward again, we will inevitably be left behind.''' And I know that Americans today are tired of standing still — and that we do not intend to be left behind. But '''effort and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.''' For, as [[Socrates]] told us, "If a man does not know to what port he is sailing, no wind is favorable."
** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=74076 Speech at the Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina" (17 September 1960)]

* '''There is a connection, hard to explain logically but easy to feel, between achievement in public life and progress in the arts.''' The age of [[Pericles]] was also the age of [[w:Phidias|Phidias]]. The age of [[w:Lorenzo de' Medici|Lorenzo de Medici]] was also the age of [[Leonardo da Vinci]]. The age of [[Elizabeth I of England|Elizabeth]] was also the age of [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]]. And the New Frontier for which I campaign in public life, can also be a New Frontier for American art.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Response to letter sent by Miss Theodate Johnson, Publisher of Musical America to the two presidential candidates requesting their views on music in relation to the Federal Government and domestic world affairs (13 September 1960); published in ''Musical America'' (October 1960), p. 11; later inscribed on the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, Washington, D.C.

* If by a "Liberal" they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, and their civil liberties — someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a "Liberal," then I'm proud to say I'm a "Liberal."
** Acceptance of the New York Liberal Party nomination (14 September 1960) · [https://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/JFK-Speeches/Liberal-Party-Nomination-NYC_19600914.aspx Address of John F. Kennedy upon Accepting the Liberal Party Nomination for President]

* Their platform, made up of left-over Democratic planks, has the courage of our old convictions. '''Their pledge is a pledge to the status quo — and today there can be no status quo.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Address Accepting the Democratic Party Nomination for the Presidency of the United States — Memorial Coliseum, Los Angeles (15 July 1960)]

* If this nation is to be wise as well as strong, if we are to achieve our destiny, then we need more new ideas for more wise men reading more good books in more public [[libraries]]. These libraries should be open to all — except the censor. '''We must know all the facts and hear all the alternatives and listen to all the criticisms. Let us welcome controversial books and controversial authors. For the Bill of Rights is the guardian of our security as well as our liberty.'''
** ''Saturday Review'' (29 October 1960), p. 44

* There are indications because of new inventions, that 10, 15, or 20 nations will have a nuclear capacity, including Red China, by the end of the Presidential office in 1964. This is extremely serious. . . I think the fate not only of our own civilization, but I think the fate of world and the future of the human race, is involved in preventing a nuclear war.
** [[s:1960 U.S. Presidential Debate - October 13|Third Nixon-Kennedy Presidential Debate (13 October 1960)]]

* We have all seen these circus elephants complete with tusks, ivory in their head and thick skins, who move around the circus ring and grab the tail of the elephant ahead of them."
** Comments on [[w:Republican Party (United States)|members of the Republican party]], in [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Remarks at the Cow Palace, San Francisco, California (2 November 1960)]; Box 914, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library

* '''I can assure you that every degree of mind and spirit that I possess will be devoted to the long-range interests of the United States and to the cause of freedom around the world.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Speeches/Acceptance-Speech-by-John-F-Kennedy-Hyannis-Armory-Hyannis-Massachusetts-November-9-1960.aspx Acceptance speech (9 November 1960)]

==== The New Frontier ====
:[[s:John F. Kennedy's Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech|John F. Kennedy's Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech]] to the [[w:1960 Democratic National Convention|Democratic National Convention]] at the [[w:Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum|Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum]] (15 July 1960) · [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx The term "New Frontier" was first used in this speech.]
[[File:ARC194238-JFK-Robert-Edward.jpg|thumb|The [[world]] is [[changing]]. The old era is ending. The old ways will not do. ... It is a time, in short, for a new generation of [[leadership]].]]
[[File:1942 JFK uniform portrait.jpg|thumb|We can have [[faith]] in the [[future]] only if we have faith in ourselves. ]]
[[File:John F Kennedy.jpg|thumb|Are we up to the task — are we equal to the challenge? Are we willing to match the Russian sacrifice of the present for the future — or must we sacrifice our future in order to enjoy the present? That is the question of the New Frontier. ]]

* But I think the American people expect more from us than cries of indignation and attack. '''The times are too grave, the challenge too urgent, and the stakes too high — to permit the customary passions of political debate. We are not here to curse the darkness, but to light the candle that can guide us through that darkness to a safe and sane future.''' As [[Winston Churchill]] said on taking office some twenty years ago: if we open a quarrel between the present and the past, we shall be in danger of losing the future. '''Today our concern must be with that future. For the world is changing. The old era is ending. The old ways will not do. [...] It is a time, in short, for a new generation of leadership — new men to cope with new problems and new opportunities.'''

* Today some would say that those struggles are all over — that all the horizons have been explored — that all the battles have been won — that there is no longer an American frontier. But I trust that no one in this vast assemblage will agree with those sentiments. For the problems are not all solved and the battles are not all won — and '''we stand today on the edge of a [[w:New Frontier|New Frontier]] — the frontier of the 1960's — a frontier of unknown opportunities and perils — a frontier of unfulfilled hopes and threats.'''

* [[Woodrow Wilson]]'s New Freedom promised our nation a new political and economic framework. [[Franklin Roosevelt]]'s New Deal promised security and succor to those in need. But '''the New Frontier of which I speak is not a set of promises — it is a set of challenges. It sums up not what I intend to offer the American people, but what I intend to ask of them. It appeals to their pride, not to their pocketbook — it holds out the promise of more sacrifice instead of more security.'''

* But I tell you the '''New Frontier''' is here, whether we seek it or not. '''Beyond that frontier are the uncharted areas of science and space, unsolved problems of peace and war, unconquered pockets of ignorance and prejudice, unanswered questions of poverty and surplus.''' It would be easier to shrink back from that frontier, to look to the safe mediocrity of the past, to be lulled by good intentions and high rhetoric — and those who prefer that course should not cast their votes for me, regardless of party. But I believe '''the times demand new invention, innovation, imagination, decision. I am asking each of you to be pioneers on that New Frontier.''' My call is to the young in heart, regardless of age — to all who respond to the Scriptural call: [[s: Bible (King James)/Joshua#Chapter_1|"Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed."]] For courage — not complacency — is our need today — leadership — not salesmanship. And '''the only valid test of leadership is the ability to lead, and lead vigorously.'''

* There may be those who wish to hear more — more promises to this group or that — more harsh rhetoric about the men in the Kremlin — more assurances of a golden future, where taxes are always low and subsidies ever high. But my promises are in the platform you have adopted — our ends will not be won by rhetoric and '''we can have faith in the future only if we have faith in ourselves.'''

* For the harsh facts of the matter are that we stand on this frontier at a turning-point in history. [[Abraham Lincoln#The_Gettysburg_Address_.281863.29|We must prove all over again whether this nation — or any nation so conceived — can long endure]] — whether our society — with its [[freedom of choice]], its breadth of opportunity, its range of alternatives — can compete with the single-minded advance of the [[Communist system]]. Can a nation organized and governed such as ours endure? That is the real question. Have we the nerve and the will? Can we carry through in an age where we will witness not only new breakthroughs in weapons of destruction — but also a race for mastery of the sky and the rain, the ocean and the tides, the far side of space and the inside of men's minds? '''Are we up to the task — are we equal to the challenge? Are we willing to match the Russian sacrifice of the present for the future — or must we sacrifice our future in order to enjoy the present? That is the question of the New Frontier.''' That is the choice our nation must make — a choice that lies not merely between two men or two parties, but between the public interest and private comfort — between national greatness and national decline — between the fresh air of progress and the stale, dank atmosphere of "normalcy" — between determined dedication and creeping mediocrity. '''All mankind waits upon our decision. A whole world looks to see what we will do. We cannot fail their trust, we cannot fail to try.'''

* It has been a long road from that first snowy day in New Hampshire to this crowded convention city. Now begins another long journey, taking me into your cities and homes all over America. Give me your help, your hand, your voice, your vote. Recall with me the words of Isaiah: [[s:Bible (King James)/Isaiah#Chapter_40|"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary."]] As we face the coming challenge, we too, shall wait upon the Lord, and ask that he renew our strength. Then shall we be equal to the test. Then we shall not be weary. And then we shall prevail.

==== Speech to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association ====
:Speech to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association, a group of Protestant ministers, on the issue of his religion (12 September 1960); at the time, many Protestants questioned whether Kennedy's Roman Catholic faith would allow him to make important national decisions as president independent of the church. He addressed those concerns before a skeptical audience of Protestant clergy. · [[s:Address of Senator John F. Kennedy to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association|Full text online available at Wikisource]] and [http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=16920600 NPR].
[[File:Iakovos kennedy.jpg|thumb|War and hunger and ignorance and despair know no religious barriers.]]
[[File:2005 Half Dollar Obv Unc P.png|thumb|I believe in a President whose religious views are his own private affair, neither imposed by him upon the nation or imposed by the nation upon him as a condition to holding that office.]]
[[File:Kennedy Giving Historic Speech to Congress - GPN-2000-001658.jpg|thumb|I want a Chief Executive whose public acts are responsible to all groups and obligated to none — who can attend any ceremony, service or dinner his office may appropriately require of him — and whose fulfillment of his Presidential oath is not limited or conditioned by any religious oath, ritual or obligation.]]

* While the so-called religious issue is necessarily and properly the chief topic here tonight, I want to emphasize from the outset that we have far more critical issues to face in the 1960 election; the spread of Communist influence, until it now festers 90 miles off the coast of Florida — the humiliating treatment of our President and Vice President by those who no longer respect our power — the hungry children I saw in West Virginia, the old people who cannot pay their doctor bills, the families forced to give up their farms — an America with too many slums, with too few schools, and too late to the moon and outer space. These are the real issues which should decide this campaign. And they are not religious issues — for '''war and hunger and ignorance and despair know no religious barriers.'''

* '''I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute''' — where no Catholic prelate would tell the President (should he be Catholic) how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishoners for whom to vote — where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference — and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the President who might appoint him or the people who might elect him.

* '''I believe in an America that is officially neither [[Catholic]], Protestant nor [[Jewish]] — where no public official either requests or accepts instructions on public policy from the Pope, the National Council of Churches or any other ecclesiastical source — where no religious body seeks to impose its will directly or indirectly upon the general populace or the public acts of its officials — and where religious liberty is so indivisible that an act against one church is treated as an act against all.''' For while this year it may be a Catholic against whom the finger of suspicion is pointed, in other years it has been, and may someday be again, a Jew — or a [[Quaker]] — or a Unitarian — or a Baptist. It was Virginia's harassment of Baptist preachers, for example, that helped lead to Jefferson's statute of religious freedom. Today I may be the victim- -but tomorrow it may be you — until the whole fabric of our harmonious society is ripped at a time of great national peril.

* Finally, '''I believe in an America where religious intolerance will someday end — where all men and all churches are treated as equal — where every man has the same right to attend or not attend the church of his choice''' — where there is no Catholic vote, no anti-Catholic vote, no bloc voting of any kind — and where Catholics, Protestants and Jews, at both the lay and pastoral level, will refrain from those attitudes of disdain and division which have so often marred their works in the past, and promote instead the American ideal of brotherhood.

* That is the kind of America in which I believe. And it represents the kind of Presidency in which I believe — a great office that must neither be humbled by making it the instrument of any one religious group nor tarnished by arbitrarily withholding its occupancy from the members of any one religious group. '''I believe in a President whose religious views are his own private affair, neither imposed by him upon the nation or imposed by the nation upon him as a condition to holding that office.'''

* I would not look with favor upon a President working to subvert the first amendment's guarantees of religious liberty. Nor would our system of checks and balances permit him to do so — and neither do I look with favor upon those who would work to subvert Article VI of the Constitution by requiring a religious test — even by indirection — for it. If they disagree with that safeguard they should be out openly working to repeal it.

* '''I want a Chief Executive whose public acts are responsible to all groups and obligated to none — who can attend any ceremony, service or dinner his office may appropriately require of him — and whose fulfillment of his Presidential oath is not limited or conditioned by any religious oath, ritual or obligation.'''

* But let me say, with respect to other countries, that '''I am wholly opposed to the state being used by any religious group, Catholic or Protestant, to compel, prohibit, or persecute the free exercise of any other religion.''' And I hope that you and I condemn with equal fervor those nations which deny their Presidency to Protestants and those which deny it to Catholics.

* But let me stress again that these are my views — for contrary to common newspaper usage, I am not the Catholic candidate for President. I am the Democratic Party's candidate for President who happens also to be a Catholic. I do not speak for my church on public matters — and the church does not speak for me. Whatever issue may come before me as President — on birth control, divorce, censorship, gambling or any other subject — I will make my decision in accordance with these views, in accordance with what my conscience tells me to be the national interest, and without regard to outside religious pressures or dictates. And no power or threat of punishment could cause me to decide otherwise. But '''if the time should ever come — and I do not concede any conflict to be even remotely possible — when my office would require me to either violate my conscience or violate the national interest, then I would resign the office; and I hope any conscientious public servant would do the same.'''

* If I should lose on the real issues, I shall return to my seat in the Senate, satisfied that I had tried my best and was fairly judged. But if this election is decided on the basis that 40 million Americans lost their chance of being President on the day they were baptized, then it is the whole nation that will be the loser, in the eyes of Catholics and non-Catholics around the world, in the eyes of history, and in the eyes of our own people.

==== Address at Convention Hall, Philadelphia ====
:[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=74316 Speech at Convention Hall, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (31 October 1960)]

* '''I believe in an America where the free enterprise system flourishes for all other systems to see and admire — where no businessman lacks either competition or credit — and where no monopoly, no racketeer, no government bureaucracy can put him out of business that he built up with his own initiative.'''

* '''I believe in an America where the rights that I have described '''are enjoyed by all, regardless of their race or their creed or their national origin — where every citizen is free to think and speak as he pleases and write and worship as he pleases — and where every citizen is free to vote as he pleases, without instructions from anyone, his employer, the union leader or his clergyman.'''

* Finally, '''I believe in an America with a government of men devoted solely to the public interests — men of ability and dedication, free from conflict or corruption or other commitment — '''a responsible government that is efficient and economical, with a balanced budget over the years of the cycle, reducing its debt in prosperous times — '''a government willing to entrust the people with the facts that they have — not a businessman's government, with business in the saddle,''' as the late Secretary McKay described this administration of which he was a member — '''not a labor government, not a farmer's government, not a government of one section of the country or another, but a government of, for and by the people.'''

* In short, '''I believe in an America that is on the march — an America respected by all nations, friends and foes alike — an America that is moving, doing, working, trying — a strong America in a world of peace. That peace must be based on world law and world order, on the mutual respect of all nations for the rights and powers of others and on a [[world economy]] in which no nation lacks the ability to provide a decent standard of living for all of its people.''' But we cannot have such a world, and we cannot have such a peace, unless the United States has the vitality and the inspiration and the strength. If we continue to stand still, if we continue to lie at anchor, if we continue to sit on dead center, if we content ourselves with the easy life and the rosy assurances, then the gates will soon be open to a lean and hungry enemy.

==== Speech at East Los Angeles College Stadium, Los Angeles, California ====
:John F. Kennedy, at East Los Angeles College Stadium, Los Angeles, CA (November 1, 1960)

* Our prestige abroad, what other peoples think of us, is not of importance only to those Americans who work or travel abroad. The sign "Yankee go home" does not apply only to our diplomats, foreign-aid specialists, and military personnel who are stationed overseas.

* The great struggle in the world today is not one of popularity but one of power, and '''our power depends in considerable measure upon our ability to influence other nations, upon their willingness to associate themselves with our efforts, upon the strength of our stature and leadership.''' ... this deterioration in our prestige abroad threatens our bases, our alliances, our security and the peace itself and it is time we were respected once again throughout the would as the good neighbor.

* We live under majority rule and if that majority is not well educated in its responsibilities, the whole Nation suffers.

==== Sport at the New Frontier: The Soft American ====
[[File:Seal of the United States Department of Health, Education, and Welfare.png|thumb|Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body; it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.]]
[[File:Liberty - Soldiers' and Sailors' Monument (Cleveland) - DSC07985.JPG|thumb|The stamina and strength which the defense of liberty requires are not the product of a few weeks' basic training or a month's conditioning. These only come from bodies which have been conditioned by a lifetime of participation in sports and interest in physical activity.]]
:John F. Kennedy, [http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1134750/1/index.htm "Sport at the New Frontier: The Soft American"] in [http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/cover/featured/7698/index.htm ''Sports Illustrated'' Vol. 13, Issue 26 (26 December 1960)], [http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/edb/reader.html?magID=SI&issueDate=19601226&mode=reader_vault p. 14-17]

* This knowledge, '''the knowledge that the physical well-being of the citizen is an important foundation for the vigor and vitality of all the activities of the nation, is as old as Western civilization itself.

* But the harsh fact of the matter is that there is also an increasingly large number of young Americans who are neglecting their bodies — whose physical fitness is not what it should be — who are getting soft. And such '''softness on the part of individual citizens can help to strip and destroy the vitality of a nation.''' For '''the physical vigor of our citizens is one of America's most precious resources. If we waste and neglect this resource, if we allow it to dwindle and grow soft then we will destroy much of our ability to meet the great and vital challenges which confront our people. We will be unable to realize our full potential as a nation.'''

* Throughout our history we have been challenged to armed conflict by nations which sought to destroy our independence or threatened our freedom. The young men of America have risen to those occasions, giving themselves freely to the rigors and hardships of warfare. But '''the stamina and strength which the defense of liberty requires are not the product of a few weeks' basic training or a month's conditioning. These only come from bodies which have been conditioned by a lifetime of participation in sports and interest in physical activity.''' Our struggles against aggressors throughout our history have been won on the playgrounds and corner lots and fields of America. Thus, in a very real and immediate sense, our growing softness, our increasing lack of physical fitness, is a menace to our security.

* But '''physical fitness is as vital to the activities of peace as to those of war, especially when our success in those activities may well determine the future of freedom in the years to come.''' We face in the Soviet Union a powerful and implacable adversary determined to show the world that only the Communist system possesses the vigor and determination necessary to satisfy awakening aspirations for progress and the elimination of poverty and want. To meet the challenge of this enemy will require determination and will and effort on the part of all Americans. '''Only if our citizens are physically fit will they be fully capable of such an effort.'''

* For '''physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body; it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.''' The relationship between the soundness of the body and the activities of the mind is subtle and complex. Much is not yet understood. But we do know what the Greeks knew: that '''intelligence and skill can only function at the peak of their capacity when the body is healthy and strong'''; that '''hardy spirits and tough minds usually inhabit sound bodies.'''

* In this sense, '''physical fitness is the basis of all the activities of our society. And if our bodies grow soft and inactive, if we fail to encourage physical development and prowess, we will undermine our capacity for thought, for work and for the use of those skills vital to an expanding and complex America. Thus the physical fitness of our citizens is a vital prerequisite to America's realization of its full potential as a nation, and to the opportunity of each individual citizen to make full and fruitful use of his capacities.'''

* It is ironic that at a time when the magnitude of our dangers makes the physical fitness of our citizens a matter of increasing importance, it takes greater effort and determination than ever before to build the strength of our bodies. The age of leisure and abundance can destroy vigor and muscle tone as effortlessly as it can gain time. '''Today human activity, the labor of the human body, is rapidly being engineered out of working life.'''

=== 1961 ===
*Today we need a nation of minute men; citizens who are not only prepared to take up arms, but citizens who regard the preservation of freedom as a basic purpose of their daily life and who are willing to consciously work and sacrifice for that freedom.
**[http://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/about-jfk/life-of-john-f-kennedy/john-f-kennedy-quotations/commemorative-message-on-roosevelt-day “Message to Those Participating in Roosevelt Day Commemoration (29 January 1961)]." ''Papers of John F. Kennedy. Presidential Papers'', "New Minute Men Urged by Kennedy," ''The New York Times''(30 January 1961) pg. 13

* '''Our Constitution wisely assigns both joint and separate roles to each branch of the government; and a President and a Congress who hold each other in mutual respect will neither permit nor attempt any trespass.'''
** [[s:John F. Kennedy's First State of the Union Address|First State of the Union Address]] (30 January 1961)

* '''Where nature makes natural allies of us all, we can demonstrate that beneficial relations are possible even with those with whom we most deeply disagree-and this must someday be the basis of world peace and world law.'''
** [[s:John F. Kennedy's First State of the Union Address|First State of the Union Address]] (30 January 1961)

* The deadly arms race, and the huge resources it absorbs, have too long overshadowed all else we must do. We must prevent that arms race from spreading to new nations, to new nuclear powers and to the reaches of outer space.
** [[s:John F. Kennedy's First State of the Union Address|First State of the Union Address]] (30 January 1961)

* '''I have pledged myself and my colleagues in the cabinet to a continuous encouragement of initiative, responsibility and energy in serving the public interest. Let every public servant know, whether his post is high or low, that a man's rank and reputation in this Administration will be determined by the size of the job he does, and not by the size of his staff, his office or his budget. Let it be clear that this Administration recognizes the value of dissent and daring — that we greet healthy controversy as the hallmark of healthy change. Let the public service be a proud and lively career. And let every man and woman who works in any area of our national government, in any branch, at any level, be able to say with pride and with honor in future years: "I served the United States government in that hour of our nation's need."''' For only with complete dedication by us all to the national interest can we bring our country through the troubled years that lie ahead. Our problems are critical. The tide is unfavorable. The news will be worse before it is better. And while hoping and working for the best, we should prepare ourselves now for the worst.
** [[s:John F. Kennedy's First State of the Union Address|First State of the Union Address]] (30 January 1961)

* '''The Federal Budget can and should be made an instrument of prosperity and stability, not a deterrent to recovery.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Special message to Congress: Program for Economic Recovery and Growth (17)", (2 February 1961)]

* For I can assure you that '''we love our country, not for what it was, though it has always been great — not for what it is, though of this we are deeply proud — but for what it someday can, and, through the efforts of us all, someday will be.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Address at a Luncheon Meeting of the National Industrial Conference Board (33)", (13 February 1961)]

* '''Our progress as a nation can be no swifter than our progress in education.''' Our requirements for world leadership, our hopes for economic growth, and the demands of citizenship itself in an era such as this all require the maximum development of every young American's capacity. '''The human mind is our fundamental resource.'''
** [http://www.jfklink.com/speeches/jfk/publicpapers/1961/jfk46_61.html Special Message to the Congress on Education (20 February 1961)]

* It cannot be surprising that, as resistance within Cuba grows, refugees have been using whatever means are available to return and support their countrymen in the continuing '''struggle for freedom. Where people are denied the right of choice, recourse to such struggle is the only means of achieving their liberties.'''
** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=8070 Message to Chairman Khrushchev Concerning the Meaning of Events in Cuba (18 April 1961)]

* '''The great revolution in the history of man, past, present and future, is the revolution of those determined to be free.'''
** Message to Chairman Khrushchev Concerning the Meaning of Events in Cuba (18 April 1961).

*'''There's an old saying that victory has a hundred fathers and defeat is an orphan.... I'm the responsible officer of the Government.'''
** State Department press conference (21 April 1961), following the Bay of Pigs Invasion, as quoted in ''A Thousand Days : John F. Kennedy in the White House'' (1965, 2002 edition), by Arthur Schlesinger, p. 262; also in [http://books.google.com/books?id=McO2Co4Ih98C&pg=PA234 ''The Quote Verifier'' (2006) by Ralph Keyes, p. 234]). The exact wording used by Kennedy (a hundred, not a thousand) had appeared in the 1951 film ''[[w:The Desert Fox: The Story of Rommel|The Desert Fox: The Story of Rommel]]'', as reported in ''Safire's New Political Dictionary'' (1993) by [[w:William Safire|William Safire]], pp 841–842). The earliest known occurrence is [[w:Galeazzo Ciano|Galeazzo Ciano]], ''Diary 1937-1943'', entry for 9 September 1942 ("''La victoria trova cento padri, e nessuno vuole riconoscere l'insuccesso.''"), but the earliest known occurrence on such a theme is in [[Tacitus]]'s : [http://www.sacred-texts.com/cla/tac/ag01020.htm Agricola Book 1 ab paragraph 27]: “Iniquissima haec bellorum condicio est: prospera omnes sibi vindicant, adversa uni imputantur.” (It is the singularly unfair peculiarity of war that '''the credit of success is claimed by all, while a disaster is attributed to one alone.''')

* If all of you had voted the other way — there's about 5500 of you here tonight — I would not be the President of the United States.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Address in Chicago at a dinner of the Democratic Party of Cook County (155)," (28 April 1961)]

* Commander [[Alan Shepard|Shepard]] has pointed out from the time that this flight began and from the time this flight was a success, that this was a common effort in which a good many men were involved. I think it does credit to him that he is associated with such a distinguished group of Americans whom we are all glad to honor today, his companions in the flight into outer space, so I think we want to give them all a hand. … '''I also want to take cognizance of the fact that this flight was made out in the open with all the possibilities of failure, which would have been damaging to our country's prestige. Because great risks were taken in that regard, it seems to me that we have some right to claim that this open society of ours which risked much, gained much.''' … This is a civilian award for a great civilian accomplishment, and therefore I want to again express my congratulations to Alan Shepard. We are very proud of him, and I speak on behalf of the Vice President, who is Chairman of our Space Council and who bears great responsibilities in this field, and the Members of the House and Senate Space Committee who are with us today. ''[accidentally drops the medallion, and picks it up]'' '''This decoration which has gone from the ground up — ''here''.'''
** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=8119 Remarks at the presentation of NASA's Distinguished Service Medal to Astronaut Alan B. Shepard (8 May 1961)] — [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0OurosNBFo Video of presentation at YouTube]

* Geography has made us neighbors. History has made us friends. Economics has made us partners. And necessity has made us allies. Those whom nature hath so joined together, let no man put asunder.
** Address to the Canadian Parliament (17 May 1961)

* '''There is danger that totalitarian governments, not subject to vigorous popular debate, will underestimate the will and unity of democratic societies where vital interests are concerned.'''
** President Kennedy's 13th News Conferences on June 28, 1961 John Source: [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/Press-Conferences/News-Conference-13.aspx F. Kennedy Presidential Library & Museum]

* And lastly, Chairman Khrushchev has compared the United States to a worn-out runner living on its past performance, and stated that the Soviet Union would out-produce the United States by 1970. Without wishing to trade hyperbole with the Chairman, I do suggest that '''[[Nikita Khrushchev|he]] reminds me of the tiger hunter who has picked a place on the wall to hang the tiger's skin long before he his caught the tiger. This tiger has other ideas.'''
** President Kennedy's 13th News Conferences on June 28, 1961 John Source: [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/Press-Conferences/News-Conference-13.aspx F. Kennedy Presidential Library & Museum]

* The education of our people should be a lifelong process by which we continue to feed new vigor into the lifestream of the Nation through intelligent, reasoned decisions. '''Let us not think of education only in terms of its costs, but rather in terms of the infinite potential of the human mind that can be realized through education. Let us think of education as the means of developing our greatest abilities, because in each of us there is a private hope and dream which, fulfilled, can be translated into benefit for everyone and greater strength for our Nation.'''
** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=24146 "Proclamation 3422 — American Education Week, 1961" (25 July 1961)]

* Freedom is not merely a word or an abstract theory, but the most effective instrument for advancing the welfare of man.
**[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=8271 Message to the Inter-American Economic and Social Conference at Punta del Este, Uruguay (5 August 1961)]

* Somebody once said that Washington was a city of Northern charm and Southern efficiency.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Archives/JFKPOF-036-014.aspx Speech] to the Trustees and Advisory Committee of the [[w:John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts|National Cultural Center]] in the White House Movie Theater, 14 November 1961

* We have become more and more not a nation of athletes but a nation of spectators.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks at National Football Foundation and Hall of Fame Banquet (496)," December 5 1961. Public Papers of the Presidents: John F. Kennedy, 1961.]

* '''We must use time as a tool, not as a couch.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Address in New York City to the National Association of Manufacturers (496)," December 5, 1961, Public Papers of the Presidents: John F. Kennedy, 1961.]

* I wonder how it is with you, Harold? If I don't have a woman for three days, I get terrible headaches.
** Conversation with [[w:Harold Macmillan, Earl of Stockton|Harold Macmillan]], in Bermuda (1961) as recounted by [[w:Richard Reeves|Richard Reeves]] in his book ''President Kennedy: Profile of Power'' (1994)

==== The City upon a Hill speech ====
:[[s:Address of President-Elect John F. Kennedy Delivered to a Joint Convention of the General Court of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts|Speech to Massachusetts State Legislature]] (9 January 1961) in The State House, Boston; ''Congressional Record'', January 10, 1961, vol. 107, Appendix, p. A169. In this speech, given eleven days prior to his inauguration, the President-elect quotes John Winthrop's "city upon a hill" sermon and highlights four qualities that he hopes to bring to his presidency: courage, judgment, integrity and dedication. 
[[File:John F. Kennedy campaigning in Florida 1960.jpg|thumb|When at some future date the high court of history sits in judgment on each of us — recording whether in our brief span of service we fulfilled our responsibilities to the state — our success or failure, in whatever office we hold, will be measured by the answers to four questions: ...]]

* During the last sixty days, I have been at the task of constructing an administration. It has been a long and deliberate process. Some have counseled greater speed. Others have counseled more expedient tests. But I have been guided by the standard [[John Winthrop]] set before his shipmates on the flagship ''Arbella'' three hundred and thirty-one years ago, as they, too, faced the task of building a new government on a perilous frontier. "We must always consider," he said, "that we shall be as a city upon a hill — the eyes of all people are upon us." '''Today the eyes of all people are truly upon us — and our governments, in every branch, at every level, national, state and local, must be as a [[w:City upon Hill|city upon a hill]] — constructed and inhabited by men aware of their great trust and their great responsibilities.''' For we are setting out upon a voyage in 1961 no less hazardous than that undertaken by the ''Arbella'' in 1630. We are committing ourselves to tasks of statecraft no less awesome than that of governing the Massachusetts Bay Colony, beset as it was then by terror without and disorder within. History will not judge our endeavors — and a government cannot be selected — merely on the basis of color or creed or even party affiliation. Neither will competence and loyalty and stature, while essential to the utmost, suffice in times such as these.

* '''For of those to whom much is given, much is required.''' And when at some future date the high court of history sits in judgment on each of us — recording whether in our brief span of service we fulfilled our responsibilities to the state — '''our success or failure, in whatever office we hold, will be measured by the answers to four questions: First, were we truly men of courage — with the courage to stand up to one’s enemies — and the courage to stand up, when necessary, to one’s associates — the courage to resist public pressure, as well as private greed? Secondly, were we truly men of judgment — with perceptive judgment of the future as well as the past — of our mistakes as well as the mistakes of others — with enough wisdom to know what we did not know and enough candor to admit it? Third, were we truly men of integrity — men who never ran out on either the principles in which we believed or the men who believed in us — men whom neither financial gain nor political ambition could ever divert from the fulfillment of our sacred trust? Finally, were we truly men of dedication — with an honor mortgaged to no single individual or group, and comprised of no private obligation or aim, but devoted solely to serving the public good and the national interest? Courage — judgment — integrity — dedication — these are the historic qualities''' … which, with God’s help … will characterize our Government’s conduct in the 4 stormy years that lie ahead.

==== Inaugural Address ====
[[File:President Kennedy inaugural address (color).jpg|thumb|Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans.]]
[[File:USA NYC Statue-of-Liberty.jpg|thumb|Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.]]
[[File:Jfk inauguration.jpg|thumb|In your hands, my fellow citizens, more than in mine, will rest the final success or failure of our course.]]
[[File:Ask not what your country can do for you.jpg|thumb|The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it — and the glow from that fire can truly light the world. And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country.]]
[[File:Sun Falls on Iwo Jima.jpg|thumb|With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God's work must truly be our own.]]

:[http://avalon.law.yale.edu/20th_century/kennedy.asp Inaugural address, Washington D.C. (20 January 1961)] [[:Image:Kennedy inauguration footage.ogg|(video file)]]. In his speech President Kennedy urges American citizens to participate in public service and "ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country." [http://www.jfklibrary.org/JFK/Historic-Speeches/Multilingual-Inaugural-Address.aspx This is also the speech he delivered announcing the dawn of a new era as young Americans born in the 20th century first assumed leadership of the Nation.]

* Vice President [[Lyndon B. Johnson|Johnson]], [[w:John William McCormack|Mr. Speaker]], [[Earl Warren|Mr. Chief Justice]], President [[Dwight David Eisenhower|Eisenhower]], Vice President [[Richard Nixon|Nixon]], President [[Harry S. Truman|Truman]], reverend clergy, fellow citizens, '''we observe today not a victory of party, but a celebration of freedom — symbolizing an end, as well as a beginning — signifying renewal, as well as change.''' For I have sworn before you and Almighty God the same solemn oath our forebears prescribed nearly a century and three quarters ago.

* The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty and all forms of human life. And yet the same revolutionary beliefs for which our forebears fought are still at issue around the globe — the belief that '''the rights of man come not from the generosity of the state, but from the hand of [[God]].'''

* '''Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans''' — born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage — and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this Nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed today at home and around the world.
** The quote "Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans" is [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Researchold/Ready-Reference/JFK-Miscellaneous-Information/Grave-Inscription.aspx one of seven quotes inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery.] [[commons:File:Memorial_leading_to_grave_of_John_F._Kennedy_in_Arlington_National_Cemetery.jpg|One can see it inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery.]]

* '''Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.'''
** This is one of seven quotes [[commons:File:Memorial_leading_to_grave_of_John_F._Kennedy_in_Arlington_National_Cemetery.jpg|inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery.]]

* To those old allies whose cultural and spiritual origins we share, we pledge the loyalty of faithful friends. '''United, there is little we cannot do in a host of cooperative ventures. Divided, there is little we can do — for we dare not meet a powerful challenge at odds and split asunder.'''

* To those new States whom we welcome to the ranks of the free, we pledge our word that one form of colonial control shall not have passed away merely to be replaced by a far more iron tyranny. We shall not always expect to find them supporting our view. But we shall always hope to find them strongly supporting their own freedom — and to remember that, in the past, '''those who foolishly sought power by riding the back of the tiger ended up inside.'''

* To those people in the huts and villages of half the globe struggling to break the bonds of mass misery, we pledge our best efforts to help them help themselves, for whatever period is required — not because the communists may be doing it, not because we seek their votes, but because it is right. '''If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich.'''

* Finally, '''to those nations who would make themselves our adversary''', we offer not a pledge but a request: that both sides begin anew the quest for peace, before the dark powers of destruction unleashed by science engulf all humanity in planned or accidental self-destruction. '''We dare not tempt them with weakness. For only when our arms are sufficient beyond doubt can we be certain beyond doubt that they will never be employed.'''

* So let us begin anew — remembering on both sides that '''civility is not a sign of weakness, and sincerity is always subject to proof. Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.''' '''Let both sides explore what problems unite us instead of belaboring those problems which divide us. [...] Let both sides seek to invoke the wonders of science instead of its terrors.''' Together let us explore the stars, conquer the deserts, eradicate disease, tap the ocean depths, and encourage the arts and commerce. '''Let both sides unite to heed in all corners of the earth the command of [[Isaiah]] — to "undo the heavy burdens … and to let the oppressed go free."'''

* If a beachhead of cooperation may push back the jungle of suspicion, let both sides join in creating a new endeavor, not a new balance of power, but '''a new world of law, where the strong are just and the weak secure and the peace preserved.''' '''All this will not be finished in the first one hundred days. Nor will it be finished in the first one thousand days, nor in the life of this Administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet. But let us begin.'''

* '''[[Abraham_Lincoln#First_Inaugural_Address_.281861.29|In your hands, my fellow citizens]], more than in mine, will rest the final success or failure of our course. Since this country was founded, each generation of Americans has been summoned to give testimony to its national loyalty.''' The graves of young Americans who answered the call to service surround the globe.

* '''Now the trumpet summons us again — not as a call to bear arms, though arms we need; not as a call to battle, though embattled we are — but a call to bear the burden of a long twilight struggle''', year in and year out, "rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation" — '''a struggle against the common enemies of man: tyranny, poverty, disease, and war itself.''' Can we forge against these enemies a grand and global alliance, North and South, East and West, that can assure a more fruitful life for all mankind? Will you join in that historic effort?
** The bold portions are one of seven quotes [[commons:File:Memorial_leading_to_grave_of_John_F._Kennedy_in_Arlington_National_Cemetery.jpg|inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery.]]

* In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility — I welcome it. I do not believe that any of us would exchange places with any other people or any other generation. '''The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it — and the glow from that fire can truly light the world. And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.'''
** "In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility — I welcome it." is one of seven quotes [[commons:File:Memorial_leading_to_grave_of_John_F._Kennedy_in_Arlington_National_Cemetery.jpg|inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery.]]
** "The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it — and the glow from that fire can truly light the world." is one of seven quotes [[commons:File:Memorial_leading_to_grave_of_John_F._Kennedy_in_Arlington_National_Cemetery.jpg|inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery.]]
** "And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man." is one of seven quotes [[commons:File:Memorial_leading_to_grave_of_John_F._Kennedy_in_Arlington_National_Cemetery.jpg|inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery.]]
** It has been reported at various places on the internet that in JFK's Inaugural address, the famous line "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country", was inspired by, or even a direct quotation of the famous and much esteemed writer and poet [[Khalil Gibran]]. Gibran in 1925 wrote in Arabic a line that has been translated as:
**::'''''Are you a politician asking what your country can do for you or a zealous one asking what you can do for your country?'''''
**::If you are the first, then you are a parasite; if the second, then you are an oasis in a desert.''
** However, this ''translation'' of Gibran is one that occurred over a decade after Kennedy's 1961 speech, appearing in ''A Third Treasury of Kahlil Gibran'' (1975) edited by Andrew Dib Sherfan, and the translator most likely drew upon Kennedy's famous words in expressing Gibran's prior ideas. For a further [[Talk:John_F._Kennedy#.22Ask_not....22|discussion regarding the quote see here]].

* Finally, whether you are citizens of America or citizens of the world, ask of us the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we ask of you. '''[[Abraham_Lincoln#Second_Inaugural_Address_.281865.29|With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds]], let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God's work must truly be our own.'''
** This is one of seven quotes inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy, Arlington National Cemetery.

==== Address before the American Society of Newspaper Editors ====
{{Smallcite|1=[http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Speeches/Address-before-the-American-Society-of-Newspaper-Editors-April-20-1961.aspx Address before the American Society of Newspaper Editors at the Statler Hilton Hotel in Washington, D.C. (April 20, 1961)] In his speech President Kennedy discusses the purpose of American intervention abroad and the spread of communist ideology to Latin America and Southeast Asia, with particular emphasis on the [[w:Bay of Pigs incident|Bay of Pigs incident]] that occurred in Cuba four days prior.

Following his address before the American Society of Newspapers President Kennedy assumed responsibily for the Bay of Pigs Invasion at the next day by saying: "There's an old saying that victory has a hundred fathers and defeat is an orphan.... I'm the responsible officer of the Government." (Source: State Department press conference 21 April 1961, following the Bay of Pigs Invasion. Schlesinger, Arthur M. Jr. 1965, 2002. ''A Thousand Days: John F. Kennedy in the White House''. Houghton Mifflin {{ISBN|1-57912-449-6}} {{ISBN|978-1-57912-449-6}}, p. 262.)}}

* '''The President of a''' great '''democracy''' such as ours, '''and the editors of''' great '''newspapers''' such as yours, '''owe a common obligation to the people: an obligation to present the facts, to present them with candor, and to present them in perspective.'''

* '''If the self-discipline of the free cannot match the iron discipline of the mailed fist'''-in economic, political, scientific and all the other kinds of struggles as well as the military-'''then the peril to freedom will continue to rise.'''

* '''The complacent, the self-indulgent, the soft societies are about to be swept away with the debris of history. Only the strong, only the industrious, only the determined, only the courageous, only the visionary who determine the real nature of our struggle can possibly survive.'''

==== Address to ANPA ====
:[https://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/JFK-Speeches/American-Newspaper-Publishers-Association_19610427.aspx Address before the American Newspaper Publishers Association (27 April 1961)] [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Archives/JFKWHA-025-001.aspx Audio] President Kennedy's address was delivered to the American Newspaper Publishers Association at a Bureau of Advertising dinner held at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in New York City. In his speech President Kennedy addresses his discontent with the press's news coverage before, during, and after the [[w:Bay of Pigs incident|Bay of Pigs incident]], suggesting that there is a need for "far greater public information" and "far greater official secrecy." 
[[File:John F Kennedy 1964 Issue-5c.jpg|thumb|The very word "secrecy" is repugnant in a free and open society; and we are as a people inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths and to secret proceedings. ... there is little value in opposing the threat of a closed society by imitating its arbitrary restrictions. Even today, there is little value in insuring the survival of our nation if our traditions do not survive with it.]]
[[File:DBP 1964 453 John F. Kennedy.jpg|thumb|No President should fear public scrutiny of his program. For from that scrutiny comes understanding; and from that understanding comes support or opposition. And both are necessary.]]
[[File:JFK grave.jpg|thumb|Without debate, without criticism, no Administration and no country can succeed — and no republic can survive.]]
[[File:John F Kennedy 1967 Issue-13c.jpg|thumb|Man will be what he was born to be: free and independent.]]

* I appreciate very much your generous invitation to be here tonight. You bear heavy responsibilities these days and an article I read some time ago reminded me of how particularly heavily the burdens of present day events bear upon your profession. You may remember that in 1851 the [[w:New York Herald Tribune|New York Herald Tribune]] under the sponsorship and publishing of [[w:Horace Greeley|Horace Greeley]], employed as its [[w:London|London]] correspondent an obscure journalist by the name of [[w:Karl Marx|Karl Marx]]. We are told that foreign correspondent Marx, stone broke, and with a family ill and undernourished, constantly appealed to Greeley and managing editor Charles Dana for an increase in his munificent salary of $5 per installment, a salary which he and Engels ungratefully labeled as the "lousiest petty bourgeois cheating." But when all his financial appeals were refused, Marx looked around for other means of livelihood and fame, eventually terminating his relationship with the Tribune and devoting his talents full time to the cause that would bequeath the world the seeds of [[w:Leninism|Leninism]], [[w:Stalinism|Stalinism]], [[w:revolution|revolution]] and the [[w:Cold War|cold war]]. If only this capitalistic New York newspaper had treated him more kindly; if only Marx had remained a foreign correspondent, history might have been different. And I hope all publishers will bear this lesson in mind the next time they receive a poverty-stricken appeal for a small increase in the expense account from an obscure newspaper man.

* '''I want to talk about our common responsibilities in the face of a common danger. The events of recent weeks may have helped to illuminate that challenge for some; but the dimensions of its threat have loomed large on the horizon for many years.''' Whatever our hopes may be for the future — for reducing this threat or living with it — there is no escaping either the gravity or the totality of its challenge to our survival and to our security — a challenge that confronts us in unaccustomed ways in every sphere of human activity. This deadly challenge imposes upon our society two requirements of direct concern both to the press and to the President — two requirements that may seem almost contradictory in tone, but which must be reconciled and fulfilled if we are to meet this national peril. '''I refer, first, to the need for a far greater public information; and, second, to the need for far greater official secrecy.'''

* '''The very word "secrecy" is repugnant in a free and open society; and we are as a people inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths and to secret proceedings.''' We decided long ago that the dangers of excessive and unwarranted concealment of pertinent facts far outweighed the dangers which are cited to justify it. Even today, '''there is little value in opposing the threat of a closed society by imitating its arbitrary restrictions. Even today, there is little value in insuring the survival of our nation if our traditions do not survive with it. And there is very grave danger that an announced need for increased security will be seized upon by those anxious to expand its meaning to the very limits of official censorship and concealment.''' That I do not intend to permit to the extent that it is in my control. And '''no official of my Administration, whether his rank is high or low, civilian or military, should interpret my words here tonight as an excuse to censor the news, to stifle dissent, to cover up our mistakes or to withhold from the press and the public the facts they deserve to know.'''

* '''Today no war has been declared — and however fierce the struggle may be, it may never be declared in the traditional fashion. Our way of life is under attack.''' Those who make themselves our enemy are advancing around the globe. '''The survival of our friends is in danger.''' And yet no war has been declared, no borders have been crossed by marching troops, no missiles have been fired. If the press is awaiting a declaration of war before it imposes the self-discipline of combat conditions, then I can only say that no war ever posed a greater threat to our security. '''If you are awaiting a finding of "clear and present danger," then I can only say that the danger has never been more clear and its presence has never been more imminent.''' It requires a change in outlook, a change in tactics, a change in missions — by the government, by the people, by every businessman or labor leader, and by every newspaper. For '''we are opposed around the world by a monolithic and ruthless conspiracy that relies primarily on covert means for expanding its sphere of influence — on infiltration instead of invasion, on subversion instead of elections, on intimidation instead of free choice, on guerrillas by night instead of armies by day. It is a system which has conscripted vast human and material resources into the building of a tightly knit, highly efficient machine that combines military, diplomatic, intelligence, economic, scientific and political operations. Its preparations are concealed, not published. Its mistakes are buried, not headlined. Its dissenters are silenced not praised. No expenditure is questioned, no rumor is printed, no secret is revealed.''' It conducts the Cold War, in short, with a war-time discipline no democracy would ever hope or wish to match. Nevertheless, every democracy recognizes the necessary restraints of national security — and the question remains whether those restraints need to be more strictly observed if we are to oppose this kind of attack as well as outright invasion.

* '''No President should fear public scrutiny of his program. For from that scrutiny comes understanding; and from that understanding comes support or opposition. And both are necessary.''' I am not asking your newspapers to support the Administration, but I am asking your help in the tremendous task of informing and alerting the American people. For I have complete confidence in the response and dedication of our citizens whenever they are fully informed. I not only could not stifle controversy among your readers — I welcome it. This Administration intends to be candid about its errors; for as '''[[w:Orlando Aloysius Battista|a wise man]] once said: "An error does not become a mistake until you refuse to correct it."''' We intend to accept full responsibility for our errors; and we expect you to point them out when we miss them.

* '''Without debate, without criticism, no Administration and no country can succeed — and no republic can survive.''' That is why the Athenian lawmaker [[Solon]] decreed it a crime for any citizen to shrink from controversy. '''And that is why our press was protected by the [[First Amendment to the United States Constitution|First Amendment]]''' — the only business in America specifically protected by the Constitution- -'''not primarily to amuse and entertain, not to emphasize the trivial and the sentimental, not to simply "give the public what it wants" — but to inform, to arouse, to reflect, to state our dangers and our opportunities, to indicate our crises and our choices, to lead, mold, educate and sometimes even anger public opinion. This means greater coverage and analysis of international news — for it is no longer far away and foreign but close at hand and local. It means greater attention to improved understanding of the news as well as improved transmission. And it means, finally, that government at all levels, must meet its obligation to provide you with the fullest possible information outside the narrowest limits of national security''' — and we intend to do it.

* It was early in the Seventeenth Century that [[Francis Bacon]] remarked on three recent inventions already transforming the world: the compass, gunpowder and the printing press. Now the links between the nations first forged by the compass have made us all citizens of the world, the hopes and threats of one becoming the hopes and threats of us all. In that one world's efforts to live together, the evolution of gunpowder to its ultimate limit has warned mankind of the terrible consequences of failure. And so it is to the printing press — to the recorder of man's deeds, the keeper of his conscience, the courier of his news — that we look for strength and assistance, confident that with your help '''man will be what he was born to be: free and independent.'''
** Kennedy here references [[Francis Bacon]]’s Aphorism 129 of ''[[w:Novum Organum|Novum Organum]]'': [[s:Novum Organum/Book I (Wood)|Again, we should notice the force, effect, and consequences of inventions, which are nowhere more conspicuous than in those three which were unknown to the ancients; namely, printing, gunpowder, and the compass. For these three have changed the appearance and state of the whole world; first in literature, then in warfare, and lastly in navigation: and innumerable changes have been thence derived, so that no empire, sect, or star, appears to have exercised a greater power and influence on human affairs than these mechanical discoveries.]]

==== Speech to Special Joint Session of Congress ====
[[File:Kennedy Giving Historic Speech to Congress - GPN-2000-001658.jpg|thumb|I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the Earth.]]
{{original recording|Discurso de Kennedy.ogg}}
[[File:Apollo 11 Launch2.jpg|thumb|But in a very real sense, it will not be one man going to the moon — if we make this judgment affirmatively, it will be an entire nation.]]
[[File:Kennedyallee Plittersdorf.jpg|thumb|If we are to go only half way, or reduce our sights in the face of difficulty, in my judgment it would be better not to go at all.]]
: Address to a Joint Session of Congress (25 May 1961); this includes his Special Message to the Congress on urgent national needs the goal of sending a Man to the Moon before the 1960's are over. More specifically President Kennedy asked for an additional $7 billion to $9 billion over the next five years for the space program, proclaiming that “this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before the decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the earth.” President Kennedy settled upon this dramatic goal as a means of focusing and mobilizing our lagging space efforts. He did not justify the needed expenditure on the basis of science and exploration, but placed the program clearly in the camp of the competing ideologies of [[democracy]] vs. [[communism]].

* I stress the strength of our economy because it is essential to the strength of our nation. And what is true in our case is true in the case of other countries. Their strength in the struggle for freedom depends on the strength of their economic and their social progress. We would be badly mistaken to consider their problems in military terms alone. For '''no amount of arms and armies can help stabilize those governments which are unable or unwilling to achieve social and economic reform and development. Military pacts cannot help nations whose social injustice and economic chaos invite insurgency and penetration and subversion.''' The most skillful counter-guerrilla efforts cannot succeed where the local population is too caught up in its own misery to be concerned about the advance of communism.

* Military and economic assistance has been a heavy burden on our citizens for a long time, and I recognize the strong pressures against it; but this battle is far from over, it is reaching a crucial stage, and I believe we should participate in it. We cannot merely state our opposition to totalitarian advance without paying the price of helping those now under the greatest pressure. '''We cannot merely state our opposition to totalitarian advance without paying the price of helping those now under the greatest pressure.'''

* Finally, if we are to win the battle that is now going on around the world between freedom and tyranny, the dramatic achievements in space which occurred in recent weeks should have made clear to us all, as did the Sputnik in 1957, the impact of this adventure on the minds of men everywhere, who are attempting to make a determination of which road they should take. […] '''Now it is time to take longer strides — time for a great new American enterprise — time for this nation to take a clearly leading role in space achievement, which in many ways may hold the key to our future on earth. I believe we possess all the resources and talents necessary.''' But the facts of the matter are that we have never made the national decisions or marshaled the national resources required for such leadership. We have never specified long-range goals on an urgent time schedule, or managed our resources and our time so as to insure theft fulfillment. Recognizing the head start obtained by the Soviets with their large rocket engines, which gives them many months of lead-time, and recognizing the likelihood that they will exploit this lead for some time to come in still more impressive successes, we nevertheless are required to make new efforts on our own. For '''while we cannot guarantee that we shall one day be first, we can guarantee that any failure to make this effort will make us last. We take an additional risk by making it in full view of the world, but as shown by [[w:Project_Mercury#Space_race|feat]] of [[w:Alan Shepard#Mercury:_Freedom_7_pilot|astronaut Shepard]], this very risk enhances our stature when we are successful. But this is not merely a race. Space is open to us now; and our eagerness to share its meaning is not governed by the efforts of others. We go into space because whatever mankind must undertake, free men must fully share.'''

* '''I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the earth. No single space project in this period will be more impressive to mankind, or more important for the long-range exploration of space; and none will be so difficult or expensive to accomplish.''' We propose to accelerate the development of the appropriate lunar space craft. We propose to develop alternate liquid and solid fuel boosters, much larger than any now being developed, until certain which is superior. We propose additional funds for other engine development and for unmanned explorations — explorations which are particularly important for one purpose which this nation will never overlook: the survival of the man who first makes this daring flight. '''But in a very real sense, it will not be one man going to the moon — if we make this judgment affirmatively, it will be an entire nation. For all of us must work to put him there.'''

* Let it be clear — and this is a judgment which the Members of the Congress must finally make — let it be clear that I am asking the Congress and the country to accept a firm commitment to a new course of action — a course which will last for many years and carry very heavy costs: 531 million dollars in fiscal '62 — an estimated seven to nine billion dollars additional over the next five years. '''If we are to go only half way, or reduce our sights in the face of difficulty, in my judgment it would be better not to go at all.'''

* I believe we should go to the moon. But I think every citizen of this country as well as the Members of the Congress should consider the matter carefully in making their judgment, to which we have given attention over many weeks and months, because it is a heavy burden, and '''there is no sense in agreeing or desiring that the United States take an affirmative position in outer space, unless we are prepared to do the work and bear the burdens to make it successful.''' If we are not, we should decide today and this year.

* '''This decision demands a major national commitment of scientific and technical manpower, materiel and facilities''', and the possibility of their diversion from other important activities where they are already thinly spread. It means a degree of dedication, organization and discipline which have not always characterized our research and development efforts. '''It means we cannot afford undue work stoppages, inflated costs of material or talent, wasteful interagency rivalries, or a high turnover of key personnel. New objectives and new money cannot solve these problems. They could in fact, aggravate them further — unless every scientist, every engineer, every serviceman, every technician, contractor, and civil servant gives his personal pledge that this nation will move forward, with the full speed of freedom, in the exciting adventure of space.'''

==== [[w:Berlin Crisis of 1961|Berlin Crisis]] speech ====
:[http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Speeches/Radio-and-Television-Report-to-the-American-People-on-the-Berlin-Crisis-July-25-1961.aspx "Radio and Television Report to the American People on the Berlin Crisis" (25 July 1961)]; addressing the impending possibility of war between the United States and the [[w:Soviet Union|Soviet Union]] (USSR) over the crisis in [[w:Berlin|Berlin]], [[w:Germany|Germany]]. In his speech the President addresses the Soviet Union's attempts to cut off America's access to West Berlin, thus making it impossible to secure freedom from [[communism]] for the people of Berlin. The President goes on to discuss the imminent threat of [[w:nuclear war|nuclear war]] and his plan to increase funding and manpower for the military, provide appropriate communications for air raid warnings, and ensure that all Americans have access to fall-out shelters should a [[w:nuclear holocaust|nuclear holocaust]] occur. 
[[File:NATO flag.svg|thumb|The strength of the alliance on which our security depends is dependent in turn on our willingness to meet our commitments to them.]]

* '''When I ran for Presidency of the United States, I knew that this country faced serious challenges, but I could not realize — nor could any man realize who does not bear the burdens of this office — how heavy and constant would be those burdens.'''

* We do not want to fight — but we have fought before. And others in earlier times have made the same dangerous mistake of assuming that the West was too selfish and too soft and too divided to resist invasions of freedom in other lands. Those who threaten to unleash the forces of war on a dispute over West Berlin should recall the words of the ancient philosopher: "[[w:Epicurus |A man who causes fear cannot be free from fear.]]"

* '''We do not intend to abandon our duty to mankind to seek a peaceful solution.''' As signers of the UN Charter, we shall always be prepared to discuss international problems with any and all nations that are willing to talk — and listen — with reason. If they have proposals — not demands — we shall hear them. If they seek genuine understanding — not concessions of our rights — we shall meet with them.

* '''The strength of the alliance on which our security depends is dependent in turn on our willingness to meet our commitments to them.'''

* We will at all times be ready to talk, if '''talk''' will help. But we must also be ready to resist with '''force''', if force is used upon us. '''Either alone would fail. Together, they can serve the cause of freedom and peace.'''

* And as Americans know from our history [[w:American Frontier|on our own old frontier]], '''gun battles are caused by outlaws, and not by officers of the peace.'''

* And '''if there is one path above all others to war, it is the path of weakness and disunity.'''

* Now, '''in the thermonuclear age, any misjudgment on either side about the intentions of the other could rain more devastation in several hours than has been wrought in all the wars of human history.'''

* The steps I have indicated tonight are aimed at avoiding that war. To sum it all up: '''we seek peace — but we shall not surrender.''' That is the central meaning of this crisis, and the meaning of your government's policy. '''With your help, and the help of other free men, this crisis can be surmounted. Freedom can prevail and peace can endure.'''

==== UN speech ====
[[File:Nagasakibomb.jpg|thumb|Mankind must put an end to war or war will put an end to mankind.]]
[[File:Castle Romeo.jpg|thumb|The weapons of war must be abolished before they abolish us.]]
[[File:Winken ueber die Berliner Mauer.jpg|thumb|Self-determination is but a slogan if the future holds no hope.]]
[[File:Tuojiangosaurus multispinus.jpg|thumb|Unless man can match his strides in weaponry and technology with equal strides in social and political development, our great strength, like that of the dinosaur, will become incapable of proper control — and like the dinosaur vanish from the earth.]]
[[File:BlueMarble-2001-2002.jpg|thumb|If we all can persevere, if we can in every land and office look beyond our own shores and ambitions, then surely the age will dawn in which the strong are just and the weak secure and the peace preserved.]]
[[File:The Earth seen from Apollo 17.jpg|thumb|Together we shall save our planet, or together we shall perish in its flames.]]
:[http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Speeches/Address-Before-the-General-Assembly-of-the-United-Nations-September-25-1961.aspx Address before the General Assembly of the United Nations] (25 September 1961); this addresses the recent death of U.N. Secretary-General [[Dag Hammarskjold]], presents six proposals for the new Disarmament Program, and provides information on the current crises in [[w:Berlin|Berlin]], [[w:Germany|Germany]], [[w:Laos|Laos]], and [[w:South Vietnam|South Vietnam]].

* '''We meet in an hour of grief and challenge. [[Dag Hammarskjold]] is dead. But the [[United Nations]] lives. His tragedy is deep in our hearts, but the task for which he died is at the top of our agenda. A noble servant of [[peace]] is gone. But the quest for peace lies before us.''' The problem is not the death of one man — the problem is the life of this organization. It will either grow to meet the challenges of our age, or it will be gone with the wind, without influence, without force, without respect. Were we to let it die, to enfeeble its vigor, to cripple its powers, we would condemn our future. For in the development of this organization rests the only true alternative to war — and war appeals no longer as a rational alternative. Unconditional war can no longer lead to unconditional victory. It can no longer serve to settle disputes. It can no longer concern the great powers alone. For a nuclear disaster, spread by wind and water and fear, could well engulf the great and the small, the rich and the poor, the committed and the uncommitted alike. '''Mankind must put an end to war — or war will put an end to mankind. So let us here resolve that Dag Hammarskjold did not live, or die, in vain. Let us call a truce to terror. Let us invoke the blessings of peace. And as we build an international capacity to keep peace, let us join in dismantling the national capacity to wage war.'''

* '''[[Disarmament]] without checks is but a shadow — and a community without law is but a shell.'''

* The great question which confronted this body in 1945 is still before us: whether man's cherished hopes for progress and peace are to be destroyed by terror and disruption, whether the "foul winds of war" can be tamed in time to free the cooling winds of reason, and whether the pledges of our Charter are to be fulfilled or defied — pledges to secure peace, progress, human rights and world law.

* The Secretary General, in a very real sense, is the servant of the '''General Assembly'''. Diminish his authority and you diminish the authority of '''the only body where all nations, regardless of power, are equal and sovereign. Until all the powerful are just, the weak will be secure only in the strength of this Assembly.'''

* Today, every inhabitant of this planet must contemplate the day when this planet may no longer be habitable. '''Every man, woman and child lives under a nuclear [[w:sword of Damocles|sword of Damocles]], hanging by the slenderest of threads, capable of being cut at any moment by accident, or miscalculation, or by madness. The weapons of war must be abolished before they abolish us.'''

* Men no longer debate whether armaments are a symptom or a cause of tension. '''The mere existence of modern weapons''' — ten million times more powerful than any that the world has ever seen, and only minutes away from any target on earth — '''is a source of horror, and discord and distrust.''' Men no longer maintain that disarmament must await the settlement of all disputes — for disarmament must be a part of any permanent settlement. And men may no longer pretend that the quest for disarmament is a sign of weakness — for in a spiraling arms race, a nation's security may well be shrinking even as its arms increase.

* For fifteen years this organization has sought the reduction and destruction of arms. Now that goal is no longer a dream — it is a practical matter of life or death. '''The risks inherent in disarmament pale in comparison to the risks inherent in an unlimited arms race.''' In short, general and complete disarmament must no longer be a slogan, used to resist the first steps. It is no longer to be a goal without means of achieving it, without means of verifying its progress, without means of keeping the peace. It is now a realistic plan, and a test — a test of those only willing to talk and a test of those willing to act. Such a plan would not bring a world free from conflict and greed — but it would bring a world free from the terrors of mass destruction. It would not usher in the era of the super state — but it would usher in an era in which no state could annihilate or be annihilated by another. But to halt the spread of these terrible weapons, to halt the contamination of the air, to halt the spiraling nuclear arms race, we remain ready to seek new avenues of agreement, our new Disarmament Program thus includes the following proposals:
:First, signing [[w:Partial Nuclear Test Ban Treaty|the test-ban treaty]] by all nations. This can be done now. Test ban [[negotiations]] need not and should not await general disarmament.
:Second, stopping the production of fissionable materials for use in weapons, and preventing their transfer to any nation now lacking in nuclear weapons.
:Third, prohibiting the transfer of control over nuclear weapons to states that do not own them.
:Fourth, keeping nuclear weapons from seeding new battlegrounds in outer space.
:Fifth, gradually destroying existing nuclear weapons and converting their materials to peaceful uses; and
:Finally, halting the unlimited testing and production of strategic nuclear delivery vehicles, and gradually destroying them as well.

* But we are well aware that all issues of principle are not settled, and that principles alone are not enough. '''It is''' therefore '''our intention to challenge the [[w:Soviet Union|Soviet Union]], not to an arms race, but to a peace race- -to advance together step by step, stage by stage, until general and complete disarmament has been achieved.''' We invite them now to go beyond agreement in principle to reach agreement on actual plans.

* '''Peace is not solely a matter of military or technical problems — it is primarily a problem of politics and people. And unless man can match his strides in weaponry and technology with equal strides in social and political development, our great strength, like that of the dinosaur, will become incapable of proper control — and like the dinosaur vanish from the earth.'''

* '''Political sovereignty is but a mockery without the means of meeting poverty and illiteracy and disease. Self-determination is but a slogan if the future holds no hope.'''

* I do not ignore '''the remaining problems of [[w:colonialism|traditional colonialism]]''' which still confront this body. '''Those problems will be solved, with patience, good will, and determination.''' Within the limits of our responsibility in such matters, my Country intends to be a participant and not merely an observer, in the peaceful, expeditious movement of nations from the status of colonies to the partnership of equals. That continuing tide of self-determination, which runs so strong, has our sympathy and our support. '''But colonialism in its harshest forms is not only the exploitation of new nations by old, of dark skins by light, or the subjugation of the poor by the rich. My Nation was once a colony, and we know what colonialism means; the exploitation and subjugation of the weak by the powerful, of the many by the few, of the governed who have given no consent to be governed, whatever their continent, their class, their color.'''

* '''For a city or a people to be truly free they must have the secure right, without economic, political or police pressure, to make their own choice and to live their own lives.'''

* '''The political disposition of peoples should rest upon their own wishes, freely expressed in plebiscites or free elections.''' If there are legal problems, they can be solved by legal means. If there is a threat of force, it must be rejected. If there is desire for change, it must be a subject for [[negotiation]], and if there is negotiation, it must be rooted in mutual respect and concern for the rights of others.

* I pledge you that we will neither commit nor provoke aggression, that we shall neither flee nor invoke the threat of force, that '''we shall never negotiate out of fear, we shall never fear to negotiate.'''

* '''Terror is not a new weapon. Throughout history it has been used by those who could not prevail, either by persuasion or example. But inevitably they fail, either because men are not afraid to die for a life worth living, or because the terrorists themselves came to realize that free men cannot be frightened by threats, and that aggression would meet its own response.''' And it is in the light of that history that every nation today should know, be he friend or foe, that the United States has both the will and the weapons to join free men in standing up to their responsibilities.

* '''I come here today to look across this world of threats to a world of peace. In that search we cannot expect any final triumph''' — for new problems will always arise. We cannot expect that all nations will adopt like systems — for '''conformity is the jailor of freedom, and the enemy of growth.''' Nor can we expect to reach our goal by contrivance, by fiat or even by the wishes of all. '''But however close we sometimes seem to that dark and final abyss, let no man of peace and freedom despair. For he does not stand alone. If we all can persevere, if we can in every land and office look beyond our own shores and ambitions, then surely the age will dawn in which the strong are just and the weak secure and the peace preserved.'''

* Ladies and gentlemen of this Assembly, the decision is ours. Never have the nations of the world had so much to lose, or so much to gain. '''Together we shall save our planet, or together we shall perish in its flames. Save it we can — and save it we must — and then shall we earn the eternal thanks of mankind and, as peacemakers, the eternal blessing of [[God]].'''

==== Address at the University of Washington ====
:[http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Aw3MwwJMf0631R6JLmAprQ.aspx Address at the University of Washington's 100th Anniversary Program] (16 November 1961). As 1961 drew to an end, the United States and the [[w:Soviet Union|Soviet Union]] were at the height of the [[w:Cold War|Cold War]], and Cuba and [[w:Berlin Crisis of 1961|Berlin]] were hot spots. In April 1961, the United States Central Intelligence Agency had organized 1,400 armed Cuban exiles in [[w:Bay of Pigs Invasion|a failed attempt to invade Cuba at the Bay of Pigs]]. On August 20, 1961, East Germany erected a five foot high concrete wall dividing East and West Berlin and on October 28, 1961, a tense, 16-hour face off occurred at the Berlin Wall between Soviet and American tanks. On August 31, 1961, the Soviet Union began conducting aboveground nuclear tests, detonating perhaps 15 bombs during September 1961. Local newspapers advised Seattleites on how to construct and stock personal nuclear fallout shelters. It was in this context that President John F. Kennedy arrived at Boeing Airport in Seattle, Washington on November 16, 1961 to deliver a major foreign policy speech at the [[w:University of Washington|University of Washington]] Centennial Convocation. In his speech President Kennedy discusses the creation of [[w:Land-grant university|educational institutions]] through the [[w:Morrill Land-Grant Acts|Morrill Acts of 1862 and 1890]]. He also addresses the current state of American international relations, with emphasis on the challenges of defending freedom and maintaining peace as a world power. · [http://www.learner.org/channel/workshops/primarysources/coldwar/docs/jfk.html "President John F. Kennedy's University of Washington Speech" in ''Primary Sources: Workshops in American History'' Annenberg Media Learner.org]
[[File:President Kennedy American University Commencement Address June 10, 1963.jpg|thumb|The basis of self-government and freedom requires the development of character and self-restraint and perseverance and the long view. And these are qualities which require many years of training and education.]]
[[File:UN General Assembly.jpg|thumb|We must face problems which do not lend themselves to easy or quick or permanent solutions … there cannot be an American solution to every world problem...]]
[[File:President Kennedy and Vice President Johnson prior to ceremony.jpg|thumb|Diplomacy and defense are not substitutes for one another. Either alone would fail. A willingness to resist force, unaccompanied by a willingness to talk, could provoke belligerence — while a willingness to talk, unaccompanied by a willingness to resist force, could invite disaster.]]
[[File:Signing Of The Social Security Act.jpg|thumb|We celebrate the past to awaken the future.]]
[[File:John Kennedy, Nikita Khrushchev 1961.jpg|thumb|While we shall negotiate freely, we shall not negotiate freedom.]]
[[File:United States Capitol - west front.jpg|thumb|The business of the Government is the business of the people.]]
[[File:Golden statue.jpg|thumb|For to save mankind's future freedom, we must face up to any risk that is necessary. We will always seek peace — but we will never surrender.]]

* '''The basis of self-government and freedom requires the development of character and self-restraint and perseverance and the long view. And these are qualities which require many years of training and education.'''

* We increase our arms at a heavy cost, primarily to make certain that we will not have to use them. We must face up to the chance of war, if we are to maintain the peace. We must work with certain countries lacking in freedom in order to strengthen the cause of freedom. We find some who call themselves neutral who are our friends and sympathetic to us, and others who call themselves neutral who are unremittingly hostile to us. And as the most powerful defender of freedom on earth, we find ourselves unable to escape the responsibilities of freedom, and yet unable to exercise it without restraints imposed by the very freedoms we seek to protect. We cannot, as a free nation, compete with our adversaries in tactics of terror, assassination, false promises, counterfeit mobs and crises. '''We cannot, under the scrutiny of a free press and public, tell different stories to different audiences, foreign and domestic, friendly and hostile.''' We cannot abandon the slow processes of consulting with our allies to match the swift expediencies of those who merely dictate to their satellites. We can neither abandon nor control the international organization in which we now cast less than 1 percent of the vote in the General Assembly. '''We possess weapons of tremendous power — but they are least effective in combating the weapons most often used by freedom's foes: subversion, infiltration, guerrilla warfare, civil disorder.''' We send arms to other peoples — just as we send them the ideals of democracy in which we believe — but we cannot send them the will to use those arms or to abide by those ideals. And while we believe not only in the force of arms but in the force of right and reason, we have learned that reason does not always appeal to unreasonable men — that it is not always true that [[s:Bible (King James)/Proverbs#Chapter_15|"a soft answer turneth away wrath"]] — and that right does not always make might. In short, '''we must face problems which do not lend themselves to easy or quick or permanent solutions. And we must face the fact that the United States is neither omnipotent or omniscient — that we are only 6 percent of the world's population — that we cannot impose our will upon the other 94 percent of mankind — that we cannot right every wrong or reverse each adversity — and that therefore there cannot be an American solution to every world problem.'''
** Also quoted in [http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/article/0,28804,1635958_1635999_1634954-6,00.html "Warrior for Peace" by David Talbot, in ''TIME'' (2 July 2007), p. 50]

* These burdens and frustrations are accepted by most Americans with maturity and understanding. They may long for the days when war meant charging up [[w:Battle of San Juan Hill|San Juan Hill]]-or when our isolation was guarded by two oceans — or when the atomic bomb was ours alone — or when much of the industrialized world depended upon our resources and our aid. But they now know that those days are gone — and that gone with them are the old policies and the old complacency's. And they know, too, that '''we must make the best of our new problems and our new opportunities, whatever the risk and the cost.''' But there are others who cannot bear the burden of a long twilight struggle. They lack confidence in our long-run capacity to survive and succeed. Hating communism, yet they see communism in the long run, perhaps, as the wave of the future. And they want some quick and easy and final and cheap solution — now. There are two groups of these frustrated citizens, far apart in their views yet very much alike in their approach. On the one hand are those who urge upon us what I regard to be the pathway of surrender-appeasing our enemies, compromising our commitments, purchasing peace at any price, disavowing our arms, our friends, our obligations. If their view had prevailed, the world of free choice would be smaller today. On the other hand are those who urge upon us what I regard to be the pathway of war: equating [[negotiations]] with appeasement and substituting rigidity for firmness. If their view had prevailed, we would be at war today, and in more than one place. It is a curious fact that each of these extreme opposites resembles the other. Each believes that we have only two choices: appeasement or war, suicide or surrender, humiliation or holocaust, to be either Red or dead. Each side sees only "hard" and "soft" nations, hard and soft policies, hard and soft men. Each believes that any departure from its own course inevitably leads to the other: one group believes that any peaceful solution means appeasement; the other believes that any arms build-up means war. One group regards everyone else as warmongers, the other regards everyone else as appeasers. Neither side admits that its path will lead to disaster — but neither can tell us how or where to draw the line once we descend the slippery slopes of appeasement or constant intervention. In short, while both extremes profess to be the true realists of our time, neither could be more unrealistic. While both claim to be doing the nation a service, they could do it no greater disservice. This kind of talk and '''easy solutions to difficult problems, if believed, could inspire a lack of confidence among our people when they must all — above all else — be united in recognizing the long and difficult days that lie ahead. It could inspire uncertainty among our allies when above all else they must be confident in us. And even more dangerously, it could, if believed, inspire doubt among our adversaries when they must above all be convinced that we will defend our vital interests.''' The essential fact that both of these groups fail to grasp is that '''diplomacy and defense are not substitutes for one another. Either alone would fail. A willingness to resist force, unaccompanied by a willingness to talk, could provoke belligerence — while a willingness to talk, unaccompanied by a willingness to resist force, could invite disaster.'''

* But '''as long as we know what comprises our vital interests and our long-range goals, we have nothing to fear from [[negotiations]] at the appropriate time, and nothing to gain by refusing to take part in them.''' At a time when a single clash could escalate overnight into a holocaust of mushroom clouds, '''a great power does not prove its firmness by leaving the task of exploring the other's intentions to sentries or those without full responsibility. Nor can ultimate weapons rightfully be employed, or the ultimate sacrifice rightfully demanded of our citizens, until every reasonable solution has been explored.''' "How many wars," [[Winston Churchill]] has written, "have been averted by patience and persisting good will! .... How many wars have been precipitated by firebrands!"

* '''If vital interests under duress can be preserved by peaceful means, [[negotiations]] will find that out. If our adversary will accept nothing-less than a concession of our rights, negotiations will find that out. And if negotiations are to take place, this nation cannot abdicate to its adversaries the task of choosing the forum and the framework and the time.'''

* '''No one should be under the illusion that negotiations for the sake of negotiations always advance the cause of peace. If for lack of preparation they break up in bitterness, the prospects of peace have been endangered. If they are made a forum for propaganda or a cover for aggression, the processes of peace have been abused.''' But it is a test of our national maturity to accept the fact that negotiations are not a contest spelling victory or defeat. They may succeed — they may fail. They are likely to be successful only if both sides reach an agreement which both regard as preferable to the status quo — an agreement in which each side can consider its own situation to be improved. And this is most difficult to obtain. But, '''while we shall negotiate freely, we shall not negotiate freedom.''' Our answer to the classic question of [[Patrick Henry]] is still no-life is not so dear, and peace is not so precious, "as to be purchased at the price of chains and [[slavery]]." And that is our answer even though, for the first time since the ancient battles between Greek city-states, war entails the threat of total annihilation, of everything we know, of society itself. '''For to save mankind's future freedom, we must face up to any risk that is necessary. We will always seek peace — but we will never surrender.'''

* '''In short, we are neither "warmongers" nor "appeasers," neither "hard" nor "soft." We are Americans, determined to defend the frontiers of freedom, by an honorable peace if peace is possible, but by arms if arms are used against us.''' And if we are to move forward in that spirit, we shall need all the calm and thoughtful citizens that this great University can produce, all the light they can shed, all the wisdom they can bring to bear. It is customary, both here and around the world, to regard life in the United States as easy. Our advantages are many. But more than any other people on earth, '''we bear burdens and accept risks unprecedented in their size and their duration, not for ourselves alone but for all who wish to be free.'''

=== 1962 ===
[[File:The Blue Marble.jpg|thumb|The world was not meant to be a prison in which man awaits his execution.]]
[[File:ARC200454.gif|thumb|We sometimes chafe at the burden of our obligations, the complexity of our decisions, the agony of our choices. But there is no comfort or security for us in evasion, no solution in abdication, no relief in irresponsibility.]]
[[File:CE479.jpg|thumb|Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.]]
[[File:JFK limousine.png|thumb|The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie — deliberate, contrived and dishonest — but the myth — persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic.]]
[[File:International newspaper, Rome May 2005.jpg|thumb|A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people.]]
[[File:Henry-Presentation of Colors.JPG|thumb|The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.]]
[[File:Diagram of the Federal Government and American Union edit.jpg|thumb|The success of this Government, and thus the success of our Nation, depends in the last analysis upon the quality.of our career services.]]
[[File:Iwo-Jima-3c.jpg|thumb|What really counts is not the immediate act of courage or of valor, but those who bear the struggle day in and day out — not the sunshine patriots but those who are willing to stand for a long period of time.]]
[[File:THE HOPE OF ALL THE WORLD - NARA - 515613.jpg|thumb|The most effective means of upholding the law is not the State policeman or the marshals or the National Guard. It is you. It lies in your courage to accept those laws with which you disagree as well as those with which you agree.]]
[[File:Seal of the District of Columbia.svg|thumb|There is such a difference between those who advise or speak or legislate, and between the man who must select from the various alternatives proposed and say that this shall be the policy of the United States. It is much easier to make the speeches than it is to finally make the judgments.]]

* '''The success of this Government, and thus the success of our Nation, depends in the last analysis upon the quality of our career services. The legislation enacted by the Congress, as well as the decisions made by me and by the department and agency heads, must all be implemented by the career men and women in the Federal service.''' In foreign affairs, national defense, science and technology, and a host of other fields, they face problems of unprecedented importance and perplexity. '''We are all dependent on their sense of loyalty and responsibility as well as their competence and energy.'''"
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Special Message to the Congress on Federal Pay Reform (55)" (20 February 1962)]

* We welcome the views of others. We seek a free flow of information across national boundaries and oceans, across iron curtains and stone walls. We are not afraid to entrust the American people with unpleasant facts, foreign ideas, alien philosophies, and competitive values. For '''a nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people.'''
** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=9075&st=&st1= John F. Kennedy: "Remarks on the 20th Anniversary of the Voice of America" (26 February 1962)]

* For '''one true measure of a nation is its success in fulfilling the promise of a better life for each of its members.''' Let this be the measure of our nation.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Special message to the Congress on National Health Needs (65)" (27 February 1962)]

* '''Our deep spiritual confidence that this nation will survive the perils of today''' — which may well be with us for decades to come — '''compels us to invest in our nation's future, to consider and meet our obligations to our children and the numberless generations that will follow.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Special message to the Congress on Conservation (69)" (1 March 1962)]

* ...'''what really counts is not the immediate act of courage or of valor, but those who bear the struggle day in and day out — not the sunshine patriots but those who are willing to stand for a long period of time.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks at the White House to Members of the American Legion (70)" (1 March 1962)]

* ...'''there is always inequity in life. Some men are killed in a war and some men are wounded, and some men never leave the country,''' and some men are stationed in the Antarctic and some are stationed in San Francisco. It's very hard in the military or personal life to assure complete equality. '''Life is unfair.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "President's News Conference (107)" (21 March 1962)

* '''And Prince [[Otto von Bismarck|Bismarck]] was even more specific. One third, he said, of the students of German universities broke down from overwork, another third broked down from dissipation, and the other third ruled Germany.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Address in Berkeley at the University of California (109)" (23 March 1962)]

* The [[w:Special Forces (United States Army)|green beret]]' is again becoming a symbol of excellence, a badge of courage, a mark of distinction in the fight for freedom. I know the United States Army will live up to its reputation for imagination, resourcefulness, and spirit as we meet this challenge.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Letter to the United States Army" (11 April 1962)]; Box 5, President's Outgoing Executive Correspondence, White House Central Chronological Files, Papers of John F. Kennedy, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library

* I think it is most appropriate that the President of the United States, whose business place is in Washington, should come to this city and participate in these rallies. Because '''the business of the Government is the business of the people''' — and the people are right here.
** Speech at [[w:Madison Square Garden (1925)|Madison Square Garden]] in [[w:New York City|New York City]] to support his program of "medical care for the aged." (20 May 1962)[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=8669][http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Archives/JFKPOF-038-023.aspx]

* '''The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie — deliberate, contrived and dishonest — but the myth — persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic.''' Too often we hold fast to the cliches of our forebears. We subject all facts to a prefabricated set of interpretations. '''We enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.'''
** Commencement address, Yale University, New Haven, Connecticut (11 June 1962) [http://millercenter.org/scripps/archive/speeches/detail/3370]

* '''Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.'''
** Address to Latin American diplomats at the White House (13 March 1962) [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=9100&st=&st1=]

* I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered together at the White House, with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone.
** Address at a White House dinner honoring Nobel Prize winners (29 April 1962), quoted in [http://www.jfklibrary.org/white%20house%20diary/1962/April/29 ''The White House Diary'', at the JFK Library]

* While '''geography has made us neighbors, tradition has made us friends. Economics has made us partners. And necessity has made us allies''' — in a vast Alianza para el Progreso. '''Those whom nature has so joined together, let no man put asunder.'''
** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=8741&st=&st1= Address by the President at a Luncheon Given in His Honor by President Lopez Matcos (29 June 1962)]

* I have seen in many places housing which has been developed under government influences, but I have never seen any projects in which governments have played their part which have fountains and statues and grass and trees, which are as important to the concept of the home as the roof itself."
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Remarks at the Unidad Independencia Housing Project, City of Mexico (269)" (30 June 1962)]

* '''It's only when they join together in a forward movement that this country moves ahead...'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks at Los Banos, CA at the Groundbreaking Ceremonies for the San Luis Dam (337)" (18 August 1962)]

* I really don't know why it is that all of us are so committed to the sea, except I think it's because in addition to the fact that the sea changes, and the light changes, and ships change, it's because we all came from the sea. And it is an interesting biological fact that all of us have, in our veins the exact same percentage of salt in our blood that exists in the ocean, and, therefore, we have salt in our blood, in our sweat, in our tears. We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea — whether it is to sail or to watch it — we are going back from whence we came."
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks in Newport at the Australian Ambassador's Dinner for the America's Cup Crews (383)" (14 September 1962)]

* All students, members of the faculty, and public officials in both Mississippi and the Nation will be able, it is hoped, to return to their normal activities with full confidence in the integrity of American law. This is as it should be, for '''our Nation is founded on the principle that observance of the law is the eternal safeguard of liberty and defiance of the law is the surest road to tyranny.''' The law which we obey includes the final rulings of the courts, as well as the enactments of our legislative bodies. Even among law-abiding men few laws are universally loved, but they are uniformly respected and not resisted. '''Americans are free''', in short, '''to disagree with the law but not to disobey it.''' For '''in a government of laws and not of men, no man, however prominent or powerful, and no mob however unruly or boisterous, is entitled to defy a court of law. If this country should ever reach the point where any man or group of men by force or threat of force could long defy the commands of our court and our Constitution, then no law would stand free from doubt, no judge would be sure of his writ, and no citizen would be safe from his neighbors.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Speeches/Radio-and-Television-Report-to-the-Nation-on-the-Situation-at-the-University-of-Mississippi.aspx Radio and Television Report to the Nation on the Situation at the University of Mississippi (30 September 1962)]

* In 1945 a Mississippi sergeant, Jake Lindsey, was honored by an unusual joint session of the Congress. I close therefore, with this appeal to the students of the University, the people who are most concerned. You have a great tradition to uphold, a tradition of honor and courage won on the field of battle and on the gridiron as well as the University campus. You have a new opportunity to show that you are men of patriotism and integrity. For '''the most effective means of upholding the law is not the State policeman or the marshals or the National Guard. It is you. It lies in your courage to accept those laws with which you disagree as well as those with which you agree.'''
** Radio and Television Report to the Nation on the Situation at the University of Mississippi (30 September 1962)

* Bullfight critics row on row Fill the enormous Plaza de toros But only one is there who knows And he is the one who fights the bull.
** Slightly misquoting [[w:Domingo Ortega|Domingo Ortega]], as translated by the English poet [[Robert Graves]]), in remarks during a Presidential Backgrounder before the National Foreign Policy Conference for Editors and Radio-TV Public Affairs Broadcasters (16 October 1962)]; "Presidential Backgrounder 16 October 1962 #50," Box 134, Classified Background Briefing Material Series, Pierre Salinger Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library
** The original poem: Bullfight critics ranked in rows Crowd the enormous Plaza full But only one is there who knows And he's the man who fights the bull.

* '''I am certain that after the dust of centuries has passed over our cities, we, too, will be remembered not for victories or defeats in battle or in politics, but for our contribution to the human spirit.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks at a Closed-circuit Television Broadcast on Behalf of the National Cultural Center (527)" (29 November 1962)]

* '''There is a limitation''', in other words, '''upon the power of the United States to bring about solutions.''' I think our people get awfully impatient and maybe fatigued and tired, and saying "We have been carrying this burden for 17 years; can we lay it down?" We can't lay it down, and I don't see how we are going to lay it down in this century. '''So that I would say that the problems are more difficult than I had imagined them to be. The responsibilities placed on the United States are greater than I imagined them to be, and there are greater limitations upon our ability to bring about a favorable result than I had imagined them to be. And I think that is probably true of anyone who becomes President, because there is such a difference between those who advise or speak or legislate, and between the man who must select from the various alternatives proposed and say that this shall be the policy of the United States. It is much easier to make the speeches than it is to finally make the judgments, because unfortunately your advisers are frequently divided. If you take the wrong course''', and on occasion I have, '''the President bears the burden of the responsibility quite rightly. The advisers may move on to new advice.'''
** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=9060 John F. Kennedy: "Television and Radio Interview: "After Two Years — a Conversation With the President" (17 December 1962)]

* To further the appreciation of culture among all the people, to increase respect for the creative individual, to widen participation by all the processes and fulfillments of art — this is one of the fascinating challenges of these days.
** "The Arts in America" in ''LOOK'' magazine (18 December 1962), p. 110; also reported in ''[http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy, 1962]'', p. 907 and inscribed on the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, Washington, D.C.

* '''Too often in the past, we have thought of the artist as an idler and dilettante and of the lover of arts as somehow sissy and effete. We have done both an injustice. The life of the artist is, in relation to his work, stern and lonely. He has labored hard, often amid deprivation, to perfect his skill. He has turned aside from quick success in order to strip his vision of everything secondary or cheapening. His working life is marked by intense application and intense discipline.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "LOOK Magazine Article 'The Arts in America' (552)" (18 December 1962)]

* '''The life of the arts, far from being an interruption, a distraction, in the life of a nation, is very close to the center of a nation's purpose...and is a test of the quality of a nation's civilization.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "LOOK Magazine Article 'The Arts in America' (552)" (18 December 1962)]; also inscribed at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, Washington, D.C.

==== Second State of the Union Address ====
:[[s:John F. Kennedy's Second State of the Union Address|Second State of the Union Address]] (11 January 1962)

* Members of the Congress, '''the Constitution makes us not rivals for power but partners for progress. We are all trustees for the American people, custodians of the American heritage.''' It is my task to report the State of '''the Union — to improve it is the task of us all.'''

* '''The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining''' — by filling three basic gaps in our anti-recession protection.

* World order will be secured only when the whole world has laid down these weapons which seem to offer us present security but threaten the future survival of the human race. That armistice day seems very far away. The vast resources of this planet are being devoted more and more to the means of destroying, instead of enriching, human life. But '''the world was not meant to be a prison in which man awaits his execution.''' Nor has mankind survived the tests and trials of thousands of years to surrender everything — including its existence — now. This Nation has the will and the faith to make a supreme effort to break the log jam on disarmament and nuclear tests — and we will persist until we prevail, until the rule of law has replaced the ever dangerous use of force.

* These various elements in our foreign policy lead, as I have said, to a single goal — the goal of a peaceful world of free and independent states. This is our guide for the present and our vision for the future — a free community of nations, independent but interdependent, uniting north and south, east and west, in one great family of man, outgrowing and transcending the hates and fears that rend our age. We will not reach that goal today, or tomorrow. We may not reach it in our own lifetime. But the quest is the greatest adventure of our century. '''We sometimes chafe at the burden of our obligations, the complexity of our decisions, the agony of our choices. But there is no comfort or security for us in evasion, no solution in abdication, no relief in irresponsibility.'''

==== Address at Independence Hall ====
: [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/RrjaDhW5B0OYm2zaJbyPgg.aspx Address at Independence Hall by John F. Kennedy in Independence Square at [[w:Independence Hall|Independence Hall]] in Philadelphia] (4 July 1962). In his speech President Kennedy praises the American democratic system which encourages differences and allows for dissent, discusses the enduring relevance of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, and addresses the role of the United States in relation to the emerging [[w:European Communities|European Community]].
[[File:EXCOMM_meeting,_Cuban_Missile_Crisis,_29_October_1962.jpg|thumb|Our responsibility is one of decision — for to govern is to choose.]]
[[File:Scene_at_the_Signing_of_the_Constitution_of_the_United_States.jpg|thumb|As apt and applicable as the [[United States Declaration of Independence|Declaration of Independence]] is today, we would do well to honor that other historic document drafted in this hall — the [[Constitution of the United States]]. For it stressed not independence but interdependence — not the individual liberty of one but the indivisible liberty of all.]]

* The necessity for comity between the National Government and the several States is an indelible lesson of our long history. Because our system is designed to encourage both differences and dissent, because its checks and balances are designed to preserve the rights of the individual and the locality against preeminent central authority, you and I, Governors, recognize how dependent we both are, one upon the other, for the successful operation of our unique and happy form of government. Our system and our freedom permit the legislative to be pitted against the executive, the State against the Federal Government, the city against the countryside, party against party, interest against interest, all in competition or in contention one with another. Our task — your task in the State House and my task in the White House — is to weave from all these tangled threads a fabric of law and progress. We are not permitted the luxury of irresolution. Others may confine themselves to debate, discussion, and that ultimate luxury — free advice. '''Our responsibility is one of decision — for to govern is to choose.'''

* The theory of independence is as old as man himself, and it was not invented in this hall. But it was in this hall that the theory became a practice; that the word went out to all, in [[Thomas Jefferson]]'s phrase, that "the God who gave us life, gave us liberty at the same time." And today this Nation — conceived in revolution, nurtured in liberty, maturing in independence — has no intention of abdicating its leadership in that worldwide movement for independence to any nation or society committed to systematic human oppression.

* '''As apt and applicable as the [[United States Declaration of Independence|Declaration of Independence]] is today, we would do well to honor that other historic document drafted in this hall — the [[Constitution of the United States]]. For it stressed not independence but interdependence — not the individual liberty of one but the indivisible liberty of all.'''

* A great new edifice is not built overnight. It was 11 years from the Declaration of Independence to the writing of the Constitution. The construction of workable federal institutions required still another generation. The greatest works of our Nation's founders lay not in documents and in declarations, but in creative, determined action. The building of the new house of Europe has followed the same practical, purposeful course. Building the Atlantic partnership now will not be easily or cheaply finished.

* In most of the old colonial world, the struggle for independence is coming to an end. Even in areas behind the [[w:Iron Curtain|Curtain]], that which Jefferson called "the disease of liberty" still appears to be infectious. With the passing of ancient empires, today less than 2 percent of the world's population lives in territories officially termed "dependent." As this effort for independence, inspired by the American Declaration of Independence, now approaches a successful close, a great new effort — for interdependence — is transforming the world about us. And the spirit of that new effort is the same spirit which gave birth to the American Constitution. That spirit is today most clearly seen across the Atlantic Ocean. The nations of Western Europe, long divided by feuds far more bitter than any which existed among the 13 colonies, are today joining together, seeking, as our forefathers sought, to find freedom in diversity and in unity, strength.

* '''Acting on our own, by ourselves, we cannot establish justice throughout the world; we cannot insure its domestic tranquility, or provide for its common defense, or promote its general welfare, or secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity. But joined with other free nations, we can do all this and more. We can assist the developing nations to throw off the yoke of poverty. We can balance our worldwide trade and payments at the highest possible level of growth. We can mount a deterrent powerful enough to deter any aggression. And ultimately we can help to achieve a world of law and free choice, banishing the world of war and coercion.'''

* '''On this fourth day of July, 1962, we''' who are gathered at this same hall, entrusted with the fate and future of our States and Nation, '''declare''' now '''our vow to do our part to lift the weights from the shoulders of all, to join other men and nations in preserving both peace and freedom, and to regard any threat to the peace or freedom of one as a threat to the peace and freedom of all.'''

==== Rice University speech ====
[[File:JFK inspects Mercury capsule, 23 February 1962.jpg|thumb|The exploration of space will go ahead, whether we join in it or not, and it is one of the great adventures of all time, and no nation which expects to be the leader of other nations can expect to stay behind in this race for space.]]
[[File:Skylab and Earth Limb - GPN-2000-001055.jpg|thumb|We have vowed that we shall not see space filled with weapons of mass destruction, but with instruments of knowledge and understanding.]]
[[File:Apollo-Soyuz Test Project Commemorative Plaque.jpg|thumb|There is no strife, no prejudice, no national conflict in outer space as yet. Its conquest deserves the best of all mankind, and its opportunity for peaceful cooperation may never come again.]]
: [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Archives/JFKWHA-127-002.aspx Address at Rice University on the Nation's Space Effort, Houston, TX] (12 September 1962); addresses the necessity for the United States to become an international leader in space exploration and famously states, "We choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard."

*'''The greater our knowledge increases the greater our ignorance unfolds.'''

* No man can fully grasp how far and how fast we have come, but condense, if you will, the 50 thousand years of man's recorded history in a time span of but a half-century. Stated in these terms, we know very little about the first 40 years, except at the end of them advanced man had learned to use the skins of animals to cover them. Then about 10 years ago, under this standard, man emerged from his caves to construct other kinds of shelter. Only five years ago man learned to write and use a cart with wheels. [[Christianity]] began less than two years ago. The printing press came this year, and then less than two months ago, during this whole 50-year span of human history, the steam engine provided a new source of power. [[Isaac Newton|Newton]] explored the meaning of gravity. Last month electric lights and telephones and automobiles and airplanes became available. Only last week did we develop penicillin and television and nuclear power, and now if America's new spacecraft succeeds in reaching Venus, we will have literally reached the stars before midnight tonight. This is a breathtaking pace, and such a pace cannot help but create new ills as it dispels old, new ignorance, new problems, new dangers. Surely '''the opening vistas of space promise high costs and hardships, as well as high reward.''' So it is not surprising that some would have us stay where we are a little longer to rest, to wait. But this city of Houston, this state of Texas, this country of '''the United States was not built by those who waited and rested and wished to look behind them. This country was conquered by those who moved forward — and so will space.'''

* If this capsule history of our progress teaches us anything, it is that '''man, in his quest for knowledge and progress, is determined and cannot be deterred. The exploration of space will go ahead, whether we join in it or not, and it is one of the great adventures of all time, and no nation which expects to be the leader of other nations can expect to stay behind in this race for space.'''

* Those who came before us made certain that this country rode the first waves of the [[Industrial Revolution|industrial revolution]], the first waves of modern invention, and the first wave of nuclear power, and '''this generation does not intend to founder in the backwash of the coming age of space. We mean to be a part of it — we mean to lead it. For the eyes of the world now look into space, to the moon and to the planets beyond, and we have vowed that we shall not see it governed by a hostile flag of conquest, but by a banner of freedom and peace. We have vowed that we shall not see space filled with weapons of mass destruction, but with instruments of knowledge and understanding.'''

* '''Yet the vows of this Nation can only be fulfilled if we in this Nation are first, and, therefore, we intend to be first. In short, our leadership in science and industry, our hopes for peace and security, our obligations to ourselves as well as others, all require us to make this effort, to solve these mysteries, to solve them for the good of all men, and to become the world's leading space-faring nation.'''

* '''We set sail on this new sea because there is new knowledge to be gained, and new rights to be won, and they must be won and used for the progress of all people. For space science, like nuclear science and all technology, has no conscience of its own. Whether it will become a force for good or ill depends on man, and only if the United States occupies a position of pre-eminence can we help decide whether this new ocean will be a sea of peace or a new terrifying theater of war.''' I do not say that we should or will go unprotected against the hostile misuse of space any more than we go unprotected against the hostile use of land or sea, but I do say that space can be explored and mastered without feeding the fires of war, without repeating the mistakes that man has made in extending his writ around this globe of ours.

* '''There is no strife, no prejudice, no national conflict in outer space as yet. Its hazards are hostile to us all.''' Its conquest deserves the best of all mankind, and its opportunity for peaceful cooperation many never come again.

*'''We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too.'''

* We have had our failures, but so have others, even if they do not admit them. And they may be less public.

* '''The growth of our science and education will be enriched by new knowledge of our universe and environment, by new techniques of learning and mapping and observation, by new tools and computers for industry, medicine, the home as well as the school. Technical institutions''', such as Rice, '''will reap the harvest of these gains.''' And finally, the space effort itself, while still in its infancy, has already created a great number of new companies, and tens of thousands of new jobs. '''Space and related industries are generating new demands in [[investment]] and skilled personnel''', and this city and this state, and this region, will share greatly in this growth.

* Many years ago the great British explorer [[George Mallory]], who was to die on Mount Everest, was asked why did he want to climb it. He said, "Because it is there." '''Well, space is there, and we're going to climb it, and the moon and the planets are there, and new hopes for knowledge and peace are there. And, therefore, as we set sail we ask God's blessing on the most hazardous and dangerous and greatest adventure on which man has ever embarked.'''

==== [[w:Cuban Missile Crisis|Cuban Missile Crisis]] speech ====
[[File:October 23, 1962- President Kennedy signs Proclamation 3504, authorizing the naval quarantine of Cuba.jpg|thumb|Our goal is not victory of might but the vindication of right — not peace at the expense of freedom, but both peace and freedom, here in this hemisphere and, we hope, around the world.]]
: [http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/presidents/35_kennedy/psources/ps_armsbild.html Radio and television address] about the Cuban missile crisis (22 October 1962). This reports on the establishment of offensive missile sites presumably intended to launch a nuclear offensive against Western nations. The President characterizes the transformation of Cuba into an important strategic base as an explicit threat to American security, and explains seven components to his proposed course of action: quarantine all offensive military equipment under shipment to Cuba, increase the degree of surveillance, regard a possible attack launched from Cuba as a Soviet attack, reinforce the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base, call for a meeting of the Organ of Consultation, call for an emergency meeting of the United Nations Security Council, and demand that Premier [[Nikita Khrushchev]] cease his current course of action.

* Neither the United States of America nor the world community of nations can tolerate deliberate deception and offensive threats on the part of any nation, large or small. We no longer live in a world where only the actual firing of weapons represents a sufficient challenge to a nation's security to constitute maximum peril. Nuclear weapons are so destructive and ballistic missiles are so swift, that any substantially increased possibility of their use or any sudden change in their deployment may well be regarded as a definite threat to peace.

* The [[w:1930s|1930's]] taught us a clear lesson: '''aggressive conduct, if allowed to go unchecked and unchallenged ultimately leads to war.'''

* We will not prematurely or unnecessarily risk the costs of '''a worldwide nuclear war in which even the fruits of victory would be ashes in our mouth''' — but neither shall we shrink from that risk any time it must be faced.

* The path we have chosen for the present is full of hazards, as all paths are; but it is one of the most consistent with our character and our courage as a nation and our commitments around the world. The cost of freedom is always high — but Americans have always paid it. And one path we shall never choose, and this is the path of surrender or submission. '''Our goal is not victory of might but the vindication of right — not peace at the expense of freedom, but both peace and freedom, here in this hemisphere and, we hope, around the world.''' God willing, that goal will be achieved. Thank you, and good night.

==== First letter to Nikita Khrushchev ====
:[http://www.digitalhistory.uh.edu/disp_textbook.cfm?smtID=3&psid=3637transcript JFK points out that the U.S. is pursuing a "minimum response" but will do whatever is necessary to assure its security.(22 October 1962)]

* A copy of the statement I am making tonight concerning developments in Cuba and the reaction of my Government thereto has been handed to your Ambassador in Washington. In view of the gravity of the developments to which I refer, I want you to know immediately and accurately the position of my Government in this matter.

* In our discussions and exchanges on Berlin and other international questions, the one thing that has most concerned me has been the possibility that your Government would not correctly understand the will and determination of the United States in any given situation, since I have not assumed that you or any other sane man would, in this nuclear age, deliberately plunge the world into war which it is crystal clear no country could win and which could only result in catastrophic consequences to the whole world, including the aggressor.

* At our meeting in Vienna and subsequently, I expressed our readiness and desire to find, through peaceful negotiation, a solution to any and all problems that divide us. At the same time. I made clear that in view of the objectives of the ideology to which you adhere, the United States could not tolerate any action on your part which in a major way disturbed the existing over-all balance of power in the world. I stated that an attempt to force abandonment of our responsibilities and commitments in Berlin would constitute such an action and that the United States would resist with all the power at its command.

* It was in order to avoid any incorrect assessment on the part of your Government with respect to Cuba that I publicly stated that if certain developments in Cuba took place, the United States would do whatever must be done to protect its own security and that of its allies.

* Moreover, the Congress adopted a resolution expressing its support of this declared policy. Despite this, the rapid development of long-range missile bases and other offensive weapons systems in Cuba has proceeded. I must tell you that the United States is determined that this threat to the security of this hemisphere be removed. At the same time, I wish to point out that the action we are taking is the minimum necessary to remove the threat to the security of the nations of this hemisphere. The fact of this minimum response should not be taken as a basis, however, for any misjudgment on your part.

* I hope that your Government will refrain from any action which would widen or deepen this already grave crisis and that we can agree to resume the path of peaceful negotiation.

==== Second Letter to Nikita Khrushchev ====
:[http://www.digitalhistory.uh.edu/disp_textbook.cfm?smtID=3&psid=3637transcript This is a response from Kennedy to Nikita Khrushchev reassuring the Soviets that the U.S. would not invade Cuba. President Kennedy responded to the requests of Khrushchev's first letter to him, disregarding the second letter. Upon agreement of these letters, the Missile Crisis was over (27 October 1962)]

* I have read your letter of October 26th with great care and welcomed the statement of your desire to seek a prompt solution to the problem. The first thing that needs to be done, however, is for work to cease on offensive missile bases on Cuba and for all weapons systems in Cuba capable of offensive use to be rendered inoperable, under effective United Nations arrangements.

* Assuming this is done promptly, I have given my representatives in New York instructions that will permit them to work out this weekend — in cooperation with the Acting Secretary General and your representative — an arrangement for a permanent solution to the Cuban problem along the lines suggested in your letter of October 26th. As I read your letter, the key elements of your proposals — which seem generally acceptable as I understand them — are as follows:

* 1) You would agree to remove these weapons systems from Cuba under appropriate United Nations observation and supervision; and undertake, with suitable safeguards, to halt the further introduction of such weapons systems into Cuba.

* 2) We, on our part, would agree — upon the establishment of adequate arrangements through the United Nations to ensure the carrying out and continuation of these commitments — (a) to remove promptly the quarantine measures now in effect and (b) to give assurances against an invasion of Cuba. I am confident that other nations of the Western Hemisphere would be prepared to do likewise.

* If you will give your representative similar instructions, there is no reason why we should not be able to complete these arrangements and announce them to the world within a couple of days. The effect of such a settlement on easing world tensions would enable us to work toward a more general arrangement regarding "other armaments," as proposed in your second letter which you made public. I would like to say again that the United States is very much interested in reducing tensions and halting the arms race; and if your letter signifies that you are prepared to discuss a detente affecting NATO and the Warsaw Pact, we are quite prepared to consider with our allies any useful proposals.

* But the first ingredient, let me emphasize, is the cessation of work on missile sites on Cuba and measures to render such weapons inoperable, under effective international guarantees. The continuations of this threat, or prolonging of this discussion concerning Cuba by linking these problems to the broader questions of European and world security, would surely lead to the peace of the world. For this reason I hope we can quickly agree along the lines outlined in this letter of October 26th.

====Address and Question and Answer Period at the Economic Club of New York (549)====
: (14 December 1962) [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=9057 ''Public Papers of the Presidents: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' ] )]

* It is increasingly clear that no matter what party is in power, '''so long as our national security needs keep rising, an economy hampered by restrictive tax rates will never produce enough jobs or enough profits.'''

* '''If the economy of today were operating close to capacity levels with little unemployment, or if a sudden change in our military requirements should cause a scramble for men and resources, then I would oppose tax reductions as irresponsible and inflationary; and I would not hesitate to recommend a tax increase if that were necessary.'''

*The final and best means of strengthening demand among consumers and business is to reduce the burden on private income and the deterrents to private initiative which are imposed by our present tax system.

*In short, to increase demand and lift the economy, the '''Federal Government's most useful role is not to rush into a program of excessive increases in public expenditures, but to expand the incentives and opportunities for private expenditures.'''

*[O]ur present tax system, developed as it was, in good part, during World War II to restrain growth, exerts too heavy a drag on growth in peace time; that it siphons out of the private economy too large a share of personal and business purchasing power; that it reduces the financial incentives for personal effort, investment, and risk-taking.

*When consumers purchase more goods, plants use more of their capacity, men are hired instead of laid off, investment increases and profits are high.

*Corporate tax rates must also be cut to increase incentives and the availability of investment capital. The Government has already taken major steps this year to reduce business tax liability and to stimulate the modernization, replacement, and expansion of our productive plant and equipment.

*In short, it is a paradoxical truth that tax rates are too high today and tax revenues are too low and the soundest way to raise the revenues in the long run is to cut the rates now.

=== 1963 ===
[[File:Inferno Canto 9 verses 124-126.jpg|thumb|[[Dante]] once said that the hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in a period of moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.]]
[[File:PSU Army ROTC Cadets on Ropes Course.JPG|thumb|A young man who does not have what it takes to perform military service is not likely to have what it takes to make a living. Today’s military rejects include tomorrow’s hard core unemployed.]]
[[File:Archives of American Art - Children at a free Federal Art Project art class - 12043.jpg|thumb|Partnership is not a posture but a process-a continuous process that grows stronger each year as we devote ourselves to common tasks.]]
[[File:Adam Bernaert - "Vanitas" Still Life - Walters 37682.jpg|thumb|We need not feel the bitterness of the past to discover its meaning for the present and the future.]]
[[File:Kennedy children visit the Oval Office, October 1962.jpg|thumb|Children are the world's most valuable resource and its best hope for the future.]]
[[File:Jfk2.jpg|thumb|As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words but to live by them.]]
[[File:President Kennedy signing the 1961 Amendments into law, June 30, 1961.jpg|thumb|This is a great country and requires a good deal of all of us, so I can imagine nothing more important than for all of you to continue to work in public affairs and be interested in them, not only to bring up a family, but also give part of your time to your community, your state, and your country.]]
[[File:Kennedy vonbraun 19may63 02.jpg|thumb|The problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or cynics whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities. We need men who can dream of things that never were and ask "why not?".]]
[[File:Kennedy with von Braun.jpg|thumb|This nation has tossed its cap over the wall of space, and we have no choice but to follow it.]]
[[File:President Kennedy inaugural address (color).jpg|thumb|Unless in this free country of ours we are able to demonstrate that we are able to make this society work and progress, unless we can hope that from you we are going to get back all of the talents which society has helped develop in you, then, quite obviously, all the hopes of all of us that freedom will not only endure but prevail, of course, will be disappointed.]]

* '''A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on. Ideas have endurance without death.'''
** Remarks Recorded for the Opening of a USIA Transmitter at Greenville, North Carolina (8 February 1963) [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Archives/JFKWHA-161-010.aspx Audio at JFK Library (01:29 - 01:40)] · [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=9551 Text of speech at ''The American Presidency Project'']

* This increase in the life span and in the number of our senior citizens presents this Nation with increased opportunities: the opportunity to draw upon their skill and sagacity — and the opportunity to provide the respect and recognition they have earned. It is not enough for a great nation merely to have added new years to life — our objective must also be to add new life to those years.
** Special message to the Congress on the needs of the nation’s senior citizens (21 February 1963); in ''Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy, 1963'', p. 189

* With all of the history of war, and the human race's history unfortunately has been a good deal more war than peace, with nuclear weapons distributed all through the world, and available, and the strong reluctance of any people to accept defeat, I see the possibility in the 1970's of the President of the United States having to face a world in which 15 or 20 or 25 nations may have these weapons."
* [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx The President's News Conference (107)" (21 March 1963)]

* "...'''we must think and act not only for the moment but for our time.''' I am reminded of the story of the great French Marshal Lyautey, who once asked his gardener to plant a tree. The gardener objected that the tree was slow-growing and would not reach maturity for a hundred years. The Marshal replied, 'In that case, there is no time to lose, plant it this afternoon.'"
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Address in Berkeley at the University of California (109)" (23 March 1962)]

* I think when we talk about corporal punishment, and we have to think about our own children, and we are rather reluctant, it seems to me, to have other people administering punishment to our own children, because we are reluctant, it puts a special obligation on us to maintain order and to send children out from our homes who accept the idea of discipline. So I would not be for corporal punishment in the school, but I would be for very strong discipline at home so we don't place an unfair burden on our teachers.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Historical+Resources/Archives/Reference+Desk/Press+Conferences/003POF05Pressconference56_05221963.htm News Conference 56 (22 May 1963)]

* "O God, thy sea is so great and my boat is so small."
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks in New York City at the Dedication of the East Coast Memorial to the Missing at Sea (203)" (23 May 1963)] [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Quoting an old Breton fishermen's prayer that Admiral Rickover had inscribed on plaques that he gave to newly commissioned submarine captains. Rickover presented President Kennedy with one of these plaques, which sat on his desk in the Oval Office.]

* '''No country can possibly move ahead, no free society can possibly be sustained, unless it has an educated citizenry whose qualities of mind and heart permit it to take part in the complicated and increasingly sophisticated decisions that pour not only upon the President and upon the Congress, but upon all the citizens who exercise the ultimate power...Quite obviously, there is a higher purpose, and that is the hope that you will turn to the service of the State the scholarship, the education, the qualities which society has helped develop in you; that you will render on the community level, or on the state level, or on the national level, or render on the community level, or on the state level, or on the national level, or the international level a contribution to the maintenance of freedom and peace and the security of our country and those associated with it in a most critical time.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Commencement Address at San Diego State College (226)" (6 June 1963)]

* This Nation was founded by men of many nations and backgrounds. It was founded on the principle that all men are created equal, and that the rights of every man are diminished when the rights of one man are threatened.
** Radio and television report to the American people on civil rights (11 June 1963)]

* '''[[Dante]] once said that the hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in a period of moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.'''
** At the signing of a charter establishing the German Peace Corps, Bonn, West Germany (24 June 1963);
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx according to the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library & Museum] President Kennedy got his facts wrong. Dante never made this statement. The closest to what President Kennedy meant is in the Inferno where the souls in the ante-room of hell, who "lived without disgrace and without praise," and the coward angels, who did not rebel but did not resist the cohorts of Lucifer, are condemned to being whirled through the air by great winds while being stung by wasps and horseflies. Dante placed those who "non furon ribelli né fur fedeli" — were neither for nor against God, in a special region near the mouth of [[Hell]]; the lowest part of Hell, a lake of ice, was for traitors. [http://www.bartleby.com/73/1211.html According to Bartleby.com] Kennedy's remark may have been inspired by the passage from Dante Alighieri’s [[The Divine Comedy|La Comedia Divina]] “Inferno,” canto 3, lines 35–42 (1972) passage as translated by Geoffrey L. Bickersteth: "by those disbodied wretches who were loth when living, to be either blamed or praised. [...] Fear to lose beauty caused the heavens to expel these caitiffs; nor, lest to the damned they theng ave cause to boast, receives them the deep hell." A more modern-sounding translation from the foregoing Dante’s Inferno passage was translataed 1971 by Mark Musa thus: “They are mixed with that repulsive choir of angels … undecided in neutrality. Heaven, to keep its beauty, cast them out, but even Hell itself would not receive them for fear the wicked there might glory over them.”

* There are those who regard this history of past strife and exile as better forgotten. But, to use the phrase of Yeats, let us not casually reduce "that great past to a trouble of fools." For '''we need not feel the bitterness of the past to discover its meaning for the present and the future.'''
** Speech to a joint session of the Dail and the Seanad, Dublin, Ireland (28 June 1963)

* The world is even smaller today, though the enemy of [[John Boyle O'Reilly]] is no longer a hostile power. Indeed, '''across the gulfs and barriers that now divide us, we must remember that there are no permanent enemies. Hostility today is a fact, but it is not a ruling law. The supreme reality of our time is our indivisibility as children of God and our common vulnerability on this planet.'''
** Speech to a joint session of the Dail and the Seanad, Dublin, Ireland (28 June 1963)

* '''The problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or cynics whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities. We need men who can dream of things that never were and ask "why not?".'''
** Speech delivered to the Dail (Parliament of Ireland) (28 June 1963)

* The peace-keeping machinery of the [[w:United Nations|United Nations]] cannot work without the help of the smaller nations, nations whose forces threaten no one and whose forces can thus help create a world in which no nation is threatened. Great powers have their responsibilities and their burdens, but the smaller nations of the world must fulfill their obligations as well.
** Speech to a joint session of the Dail and the Seanad, Dublin, Ireland (28 June 1963)

* Five score years ago the ground on which we here stand shuddered under the clash of arms and was consecrated for all time by the blood of American manhood. [[Abraham Lincoln]], [[Abraham Lincoln#The_Gettysburg_Address_.281863.29|in dedicating this great battlefield, has expressed, in words too eloquent for paraphrase or summary, why this sacrifice was necessary.]] Today, we meet not to add to his words nor to amend his sentiment but to recapture the feeling of awe that comes when contemplating a memorial to so many who placed their lives at hazard for right, as God gave them to see right. Among those who fought here were young men who but a short time before were pursuing truth in the peaceful halls of the then new University of Notre Dame. Since that time men of Notre Dame have proven, on a hundred battlefields, that the words, "For God, For Country, and For Notre Dame," are full of meaning. Let us pray that God may grant us the wisdom to find and to follow a path that will enable the men of Notre Dame and all of our young men to seek truth in the halls of study rather than on the field of battle."
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Message from the President on the Occasion of Field Mass at Gettysburg, delivered by John S. Gleason, Jr." (29 June 1963)]; Box 10, President's Outgoing Executive Correspondence, White House Central Chronological Files, Papers of John F. Kennedy, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library

* I must say that though other days may not be so bright, as we look toward the future, that the brightest days will continue to be those we spent with you here in Ireland.
** Speech at Eyre Square, Galway, Ireland (29 June 1963)

* This is not the land of my birth, but it is the land for which I hold the greatest affection, and I certainly will come back in the springtime
** Speech at [[w:Limerick|Limerick]], [[w:Ireland|Ireland]] (29 June 1963)

* Communism has sometimes succeeded as a scavenger, but never as a leader. It has never come to power in a country that was not disrupted by war or corruption, or both.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Archives/JFKPOF-045-049.aspx Speech at] [[w:Allied Joint Force Command Naples|NATO Headquarters, Naples Italy]] (2 July 1963)

* '''Children are the world's most valuable resource and its best hope for the future.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Re: United States Committee for UNICEF (25 July 1963); Box 11, President's Outgoing Executive Correspondence Series, White House Central Chronological File, Presidential Papers, Papers of John F. Kennedy]

*'''And any man who may be asked in this century what he did to make his life worth while, I think can respond with a good deal of pride and satisfaction: "I served in the [[United States Navy]]."'''
** Remarks at the U.S. Naval Academy (1 August 1963), ''Public Papers of the Presidents'' 321, p. 620

* I want to drink a cup of tea to all those Kennedys who went and all those Kennedys who stayed.
** While visiting his ancestral homestead in [[w:Wexford|Wexford]], as quoted in [http://news.bbc.co.uk/onthisday/hi/dates/stories/june/27/newsid_4461000/4461115.stm ''BBC News'']

* '''This is a great country and requires a good deal of all of us, so I can imagine nothing more important than for all of you to continue to work in public affairs and be interested in them, not only to bring up a family, but also give part of your time to your community, your state, and your country.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks to the Delegates of Girls Nation (322)" (2 August 1963)]

* As this State's income rises, so does the income of Michigan. As the income of Michigan rises, so does the income of the United States. '''''A rising tide lifts all the boats''''' and as Arkansas becomes more prosperous so does the United States and as this section declines so does the United States. So I regard this as an [[investment]] by the people of the United States in the United States.
** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=9455 Remarks in Heber Springs, Arkansas, at the Dedication of Greers Ferry Dam (3 October 1963)]
** Variant: '''Rising tide lifts all boats.'''
*** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Remarks in Pueblo, Colorado following Approval of the Frying Pan-Arkansas Project (336)" (17 August 1962)]

* I can assure you that there is no career which you will adopt when you leave college that will bring you a more and greater sense of satisfaction and a greater feeling of participation in a great effort than will your work here or in your state or in your community...this generation of Americans — you here who will be in positions of responsibility for the rest of this century — will deal with the most difficult, sensitive, and dangerous problems that any society of people has ever dealt with at any age...The Greeks defined happiness as the full use of your powers along the lines of excellence, and I can imagine no place where you can use your powers more fully along lines more excellent in the 1960's than to be in the service of the United States.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks to Student Participants in the White House Seminar in Government (334)" (27 August 1963)]

* A tax cut means higher family income and higher business profits and a balanced federal budget.... As the national income grows, the federal government will ultimately end up with more revenues. Prosperity is the real way to balance our budget. By lowering tax rates, by increasing jobs and income, we can expand tax revenues and finally bring our budget into balance.
** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=9413 "Radio and Television Address to the Nation on the Test Ban Treaty and the Tax Reduction Bill" (18 September 1963)]

* What we seek to advance, what we seek to develop in all of our colleges and universities, are educated men and women who can bear the burdens of responsible citizenship, who can make judgments about life as it is, and as it must be, and encourage the people to make those decisions which can bring not only prosperity and security, but happiness to the people of the United Sates and those who depend upon it.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Address at the University of North Dakota (379)" (25 September 1963)]

* I hope that all of you who are students here will recognize the great opportunity that lies before you in this decade, and in the decades to come, to be of service to our country. The Greeks once defined happiness as full use of your powers along lines of excellence, and I can assure you that there is no area of life where you will have an opportunity to use whatever powers you have, and to use them along more excellent lines, bringing ultimately, I think, happiness to you and those whom you serve."
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Address at the University of Wyoming (381)" (25 September 1963)]

* I ask particularly that those of you who are now in school will prepare yourselves to bear the burden of leadership over the next 40 years here in the United States, and make sure that the United States — which I believe almost alone has maintained watch and ward for freedom — that the United States meet its responsibility. That is a wonderful challenge for us as a people.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks at the Cheney Stadium in Tacoma, Washington (387)" (27 September 1963)]

* '''A young man who does not have what it takes to perform military service is not likely to have what it takes to make a living. Today’s military rejects include tomorrow’s hard core unemployed.'''
** [http://www.bartleby.com/73/1189.html President JOHN F. KENNEDY, statement on the need for training or rehabilitation of Selective Service rejectees" (30 September 1963)]; also: [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=9446&st=&st1= John F. Kennedy: "Statement by the President on the Need for Training or Rehabilitation of Selective Service Rejectees" (30 September 1963)]

* '''Things don't just happen, they are made to happen.'''
** Speech given at the Arkansas State Fairground, Little Rock, United States of America (3 October 1963); quoted in ''John F. Kennedy in Quotations: A Topical Dictionary, with Sources'' (2013), McFarland, entry 1729

* We can say with some assurance that, although children may be the victims of fate, they will not be the victims of our neglect.
** "Remarks upon signing the Maternal and Child Health and Mental Retardation Planning Bill (434)" (24 October 1963)]

* '''A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers.'''
** [http://millercenter.org/president/speeches/speech-3379 Remarks at Amherst College (26 October 1963)]

* The men who create power make an indispensable contribution to the Nation's greatness, but the men who question power make a contribution just as indispensable, especially when that questioning is disinterested, for they determine whether we use power or power uses us.
** Remarks at {{w|Amherst College}} (26 October 1963)

* '''When power leads man towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses. For art establishes the basic human truth which must serve as the touchstone of our judgment.'''
** Remarks at Amherst College (26 October 1963)

* The artist, however faithful to his personal vision of reality, becomes the last champion of the individual mind and sensibility against an intrusive society and an officious state. The great artist is thus a solitary figure.
** Remarks at Amherst College (26 October 1963)

* '''We must never forget that art is not a form of propaganda; it is a form of truth.'''
** Remarks at Amherst College (26 October 1963)

* '''I have said that control of arms is a mission that we undertake particularly for our children and our grandchildren and that they have no lobby in Washington.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Statement by the President to American Women Concerning their Role in Securing World Peace (449)" (1 November 1963)]

* '''This nation has tossed its cap over the wall of space, and we have no choice but to follow it.'''
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks in San Antonio at the Dedication of the Aerospace Medical Health Center (472)," (21 November 1963)]; the original anecdote from which Kennedy derived this comparison is in ''An Only Child'' (1961) by Frank O'Connor, p. 180.

* Much [[time]] has passed since the first colonists came to rocky shores and dark forests of an unknown continent, much time since [[President of the United States|President]] [[George Washington|Washington]] led a young people into the [[experience]] of nationhood, much time since President [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]] saw the American nation through the ordeal of fraternal war — and in these years our population, our plenty and our [[power]] have all grown apace. Today we are a nation of nearly two hundred million souls, stretching from coast to coast, on into the Pacific and north toward the Arctic, a nation enjoying the fruits of an ever-expanding agriculture and industry and achieving standards of living unknown in previous history. We give our humble thanks for this. Yet, as our power has grown, so has our [[peril]]. Today we give our thanks, most of all, for the [[ideals]] of [[honor]] and [[faith]] we inherit from our forefathers — for the [[decency]] of [[purpose]], steadfastness of [[resolve]] and [[strength]] of [[will]], for the [[courage]] and the [[humility]], which they possessed and which we must seek every day to emulate. '''As we express our [[gratitude]], we must never forget that the highest [[appreciation]] is not to utter [[words]] but to [[live]] by them. Let us therefore proclaim our gratitude to [[Providence]] for manifold [[blessings]] — let us be humbly thankful for inherited ideals — and let us [[resolve]] to [[share]] those blessings and those ideals with our fellow [[human]] beings throughout the [[world]].'''
** [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/proclamation-3560-thanksgiving-day-1963 Proclamation 3560 — Thanksgiving Day (5 November 1963)]; this was a proclamation released on 5 November for the Thanksgiving Day of 1963, which in that year fell upon the 28th day of that month.

* I come here today...not just because you are doing well and because you are outstanding students, but because we expect something of you. And '''unless in this free country of ours we are able to demonstrate that we are able to make this society work and progress, unless we can hope that from you we are going to get back all of the talents which society has helped develop in you, then, quite obviously, all the hopes of all of us that freedom will not only endure but prevail, of course, will be disappointed.''' So we ask the best of you...I congratulate you on what you have done, and most of all I congratulate you on what you are going to do.
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks in New York City to the National Convention of the Catholic Youth Organization (463)," (15 November 1963)]

====Third State of the Union Address ====
[[File:Kennedy Family with Dogs During a Weekend at Hyannisport 1963-crop.png|thumb|The future of any country which is dependent upon the will and wisdom of its citizens is damaged, and irreparably damaged, whenever any of its children is not educated to the full extent of his talent.]]
[[File:Flickr - The U.S. Army - Young patriot.jpg|thumb|This country cannot afford to be materially rich and spiritually poor.]]
[[File:MacMillian and Kennedy in Key West March 1961.jpg|thumb|While we shall never weary in the defense of freedom, neither shall we ever abandon the pursuit of peace.]]
:[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=9138&st=&st1= "Annual Message to the Congress on the State of the Union" (14 January 1963)]

* Little more than 100 weeks ago I assumed the office of President of the United States. '''In seeking the help of the Congress and our countrymen, I pledged no easy answers. I pledged — and asked — only toil and dedication. These the Congress and the people have given in good measure.'''

* In short, both at home and abroad, there may now be a temptation to relax. For '''the road has been long, the burden heavy, and the pace consistently urgent. But we cannot be satisfied to rest here. This is the side of the hill, not the top. The mere absence of war is not peace. The mere absence of recession is not growth. We have made a beginning — but we have only begun. Now the time has come to make the most of our gains''' — to translate the renewal of our national strength into the achievement of our national purpose.

* I am convinced that the enactment this year of tax reduction and tax reform overshadows all other domestic problems in this Congress. For we cannot for long lead the cause of peace and freedom, if we ever cease to set the pace here at home. For '''we cannot for long lead the cause of peace and freedom, if we ever cease to set the pace here at home.'''

* '''This country cannot afford to be materially rich and spiritually poor.'''

* '''The future of any country which is dependent upon the will and wisdom of its citizens is damaged, and irreparably damaged, whenever any of its children is not educated to the full extent of his talent''', from grade school through graduate school.

* '''As the idealism of our youth has served world peace, so can it serve the domestic tranquility.'''

* These are not domestic concerns alone. For '''upon our achievement of greater vitality and strength here at home hang our fate and future in the world''': our ability to sustain and supply the security of free men and nations, our ability to command their respect for our leadership, our ability to expand our trade without threat to our balance of payments, and our ability to adjust to the changing demands of cold war competition and challenge. '''We shall be judged more by what we do at home than by what we preach abroad.''' Nothing we could do to help the developing countries would help them half as much as a booming U.S. economy. And nothing our opponents could do to encourage their own ambitions would encourage them half as much as a chronic lagging U.S. economy. These domestic tasks do not divert energy from our security — they provide the very foundation for freedom's survival and success.

* But '''complacency or self-congratulation can imperil our security as much as the weapons of tyranny. A moment of pause is not a promise of peace.'''

* For '''the road to world peace and freedom is still long, and there are burdens which only full partners can share — in supporting the common defense, in expanding world trade''', in aligning our balance of payments, in aiding the emergent nations, '''in concerting political and economic policies''', and in welcoming to our common effort other industrialized nations, notably Japan, whose remarkable economic and political development of the 1950's permits it now to play on the world scene a major constructive role.

* For '''the unity of freedom has never relied on uniformity of opinion.'''

* '''While we shall never weary in the defense of freedom, neither shall we ever abandon the pursuit of peace.'''

* For '''we seek not the worldwide victory of one nation or system but a worldwide victory of man. The modern globe is too small, its weapons are too destructive, and its disorders are too contagious to permit any other kind of victory.'''

==== Address at Vanderbilt University ====
[[File:Statue of Liberty 23.JPG|thumb|Liberty without learning is always in peril, and learning without liberty is always in vain.]]
[[File:ArchivesRotunda.jpg|thumb|The protection of our rights can endure no longer than the performance of our responsibilities. Each can be neglected only at the peril of the other.]]
[[File:The County Election, Bingham, 1846.jpg|thumb|The ignorance of one voter in a democracy impairs the security of all.]]
[[File:Statue of Liberty, Silhouette.jpg|thumb|Only an educated and informed people will be a free people.]]
[[File:Authority of Law SCOTUS.JPG|thumb|Law is the adhesive force in the cement of society, creating order out of chaos and coherence in place of anarchy.]]
[[File:1942 JFK uniform portrait.jpg|thumb|Only a respect for the law makes it possible for free men to dwell together in peace and progress.]]
: [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/aZ0Im5s0mUqPJlFNs6iO4A.aspx Remarks in Nashville at the 90th Anniversary Convocation of Vanderbilt University] ([[18 May]] [[1963]]). In May of 1963, President Kennedy added his weight to the federal government’s preparation for the impending clash with the state of Alabama over the integration of the [[w:University of Alabama|University of Alabama]]. Less than a week after the bombing of a Black American’s home and hotel in Birmingham, President Kennedy made a one-day trip to Tennessee and Alabama, saluting the ninetieth anniversary of Vanderbilt University and the thirtieth anniversary of the Tennessee Valley Authority, but in addition reminding his listeners of their roles and responsibilities as citizens. In a spirited and eloquent speech before an estimated crowd of 30,000 people in the stadium at [[w:Vanderbilt University|Vanderbilt University]] in Nashville, Tennessee on May 18, 1963, President Kennedy reminded his listeners that it falls to the educated man to assume the greater obligations of citizenship — for the pursuit of learning, to serve the public and to uphold the law.

* The essence of Vanderbilt is still learning, the essence of its outlook is still liberty, and liberty and learning will be and must be the touchstones of Vanderbilt University and of any free university in this country or the world. I say two touchstones, yet they are almost inseparable, inseparable if not indistinguishable, for '''liberty without learning is always in peril, and learning without liberty is always in vain.'''

* This State, this city, this campus, have stood long for both human rights and human enlightenment — and let that forever be true. This Nation is now engaged in a continuing debate about the rights of a portion of its citizens. This Nation is now engaged in a continuing debate about the rights of a portion of its citizens. That will go on, and those rights will expand until the standard first forged by the Nation's founders has been reached, and all Americans enjoy equal opportunity and liberty under law. But this Nation was not founded solely on the principle of citizens' rights. Equally important, though too often not discussed, is the citizen's responsibility. For '''our privileges can be no greater than our obligations. The protection of our rights can endure no longer than the performance of our responsibilities. Each can be neglected only at the peril of the other. I speak to you today, therefore, not of your rights as Americans, but of your responsibilities. They are many in number and different in nature. They do not rest with equal weight upon the shoulders of all. Equality of opportunity does not mean equality of responsibility. All Americans must be responsible citizens, but some must be more responsible than others, by virtue of their public or their private position, their role in the family or community, their prospects for the future, or their legacy from the past. Increased responsibility goes with increased ability, for "[[s:Bible_(King_James)/Luke#Chapter_12|of those to whom much is given, much is required.]]"'''

* You have responsibilities, in short, to use your talents for the benefit of the society which helped develop those talents. You must decide, as [[Goethe]] put it, whether you will be an anvil or a hammer, whether you will give to the world in which you were reared and educated the broadest possible benefits of that education. '''Of the many special obligations incumbent upon an educated citizen, I would cite three as outstanding: your obligation to the pursuit of learning, your obligation to serve the public, your obligation to uphold the law.'''

* '''If the pursuit of learning is not defended by the educated citizen, it will not be defended at all.''' For there will always be those who scoff at intellectuals, who cry out against research, who seek to limit our educational system. Modern cynics and skeptics see no more reason for landing a man on the moon, which we shall do, than the cynics and skeptics of half a millennium ago saw for the discovery of this country. They see no harm in paying those to whom they entrust the minds of their children a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom they entrust the care of their plumbing. But the educated citizen knows how much more there is to know. He knows that "knowledge is power," more so today than ever before. He knows that '''only an educated and informed people will be a free people''', that '''the ignorance of one voter in a democracy impairs the security of all''', and that '''if we can, as [[Thomas Jefferson|Jefferson]] put it, "enlighten the people generally … tyranny and the oppressions of mind and body will vanish, like evil spirits at the dawn of day." And, therefore, the educated citizen has a special obligation to encourage the pursuit of learning, to promote exploration of the unknown, to preserve the freedom of inquiry, to support the advancement of research, and to assist at every level of government the improvement of education for all Americans, from grade school to graduate school.'''

* Secondly, the educated citizen has an obligation to serve the public. He may be a precinct worker or President. He may give his talents at the courthouse, the State house, the White House. He may be a civil servant or a Senator, a candidate or a campaign worker, a winner or a loser. But he must be a participant and not a spectator. "At the Olympic games," [[Aristotle]] wrote, "it is not the finest and strongest men who are crowned, but they who enter the lists-for out of these the prize-men are elected. So, too, in life, of the honorable and the good, it is they who act who rightly win the prizes."

* I urge all of you today, especially those who are students, to act, to enter the lists of public service and rightly win or lose the prize. For we can have only one form of aristocracy in this country, as Jefferson wrote long ago in rejecting John Adams' suggestion of an artificial aristocracy of wealth and birth. It is, he wrote, the natural aristocracy of character and talent, and the best form of government, he added, was that which selected these men for positions of responsibility.

* I would hope that all educated citizens would fulfill this obligation — in politics, in Government, here in Nashville, here in this State, in the Peace Corps, in the Foreign Service, in the Government Service, in the Tennessee Valley, in the world. You will find the pressures greater than the pay. You may endure more public attacks than support. But you will have the unequaled satisfaction of knowing that your character and talent are contributing to the direction and success of this free society.

* '''Third, and finally, the educated citizen has an obligation to uphold the law.''' This is the obligation of every citizen in a free and peaceful society — but the educated citizen has a special responsibility by the virtue of his greater understanding. For whether he has ever studied history or current events, ethics or civics, the rules of a profession or the tools of a trade, he knows that '''only a respect for the law makes it possible for free men to dwell together in peace and progress.'''

* He knows that '''law is the adhesive force in the cement of society, creating order out of chaos and coherence in place of anarchy.''' He knows that for one man to defy a law or court order he does not like is to invite others to defy those which they do not like, leading to a breakdown of all justice and all order. He knows, too, that '''every fellowman is entitled to be regarded with decency and treated with dignity. Any educated citizen who seeks to subvert the law, to suppress freedom, or to subject other human beings to acts that are less than human, degrades his heritage, ignores his learning, and betrays his obligation.'''

* Certain '''other societies may respect the rule of force — we respect the rule of law.'''

* Ninety years from now I have no doubt that Vanderbilt University will still be fulfilling this mission. It will still uphold learning, encourage public service, and teach respect for the law. It will neither turn its back on proven wisdom or turn its face from newborn challenge. It will still pass on to the youth of our land the full meaning of their rights and their responsibilities. And it will still be teaching the truth — the '''truth''' that '''makes us free and will keep us free.'''

==== American University speech ====
: [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/BWC7I4C9QUmLG9J6I8oy8w.aspx Commencement Address at American University (10 June 1963)]; also entitled “Strategy of Peace”, is considered one of Kennedy’s most powerful speeches, in which Kennedy laid out a hopeful, yet realistic route for world peace at a time when the U.S. and [[w:Soviet Union|Soviet Union]] faced the potential for an escalating nuclear arms race. Kennedy addressed American University graduates mere months after the fierce standoff over the Cuban Missile Crisis. At the time of his speech world powers were gathered in Geneva to discuss complete nuclear disarmament. In his speech the President asks the graduates to re-examine their attitudes towards my mom, your mom, and the [[w:Cold War|Cold War]], famously remarking, "If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can make the world safe for diversity." The President also announces that he, Soviet Premier [[Nikita Khrushchev]], and British Prime Minister [[Harold Macmillan]] have agreed to hold discussions concerning a comprehensive nuclear test ban treaty. Finally, he explains that the United States will not conduct atmospheric nuclear tests on the condition that other countries uphold this same promise.
[[File:JFK1968-Front&Back.jpg|thumb|Our problems are manmade — therefore, they can be solved by man. And man can be as big as he wants. No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings.]]
[[File:President Kennedy addresses nation on Civil Rights, 11 June 1963.jpg|thumb|If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can make the world safe for diversity.]]
[[File:President Kennedy American University Commencement Address June 10, 1963.jpg|thumb|No government or social system is so evil that its people must be considered as lacking in virtue.]]
[[File:Castle Romeo.jpg|thumb|Nuclear powers must avert those confrontations which bring an adversary to a choice of either a humiliating retreat or a nuclear war. To adopt that kind of course in the nuclear age would be evidence only of the bankruptcy of our policy — or of a collective death-wish for the world.]]
[[File:Children living next to Daurra Oil Refinery in Iraq.jpg|thumb|Our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children's future. And we are all mortal.]]

* I have, therefore, chosen this time and this place to discuss a topic on which ignorance too often abounds and the truth is too rarely perceived — yet it is the most important topic on earth: world peace. What kind of peace do I mean? '''What kind of peace do we seek? Not a Pax Americana enforced on the world by American weapons of war. Not the peace of the grave or the security of the slave. I am talking about genuine peace, the kind of peace that makes life on earth worth living, the kind that enables men and nations to grow and to hope and to build a better life for their children — not merely peace for Americans but peace for all men and women — not merely peace in our time but peace for all time.'''

* I speak of peace because of the new face of war. Total war makes no sense in an age when great powers can maintain large and relatively invulnerable nuclear forces and refuse to surrender without resort to those forces. It makes no sense in an age when a single nuclear weapon contains almost ten times the explosive force delivered by all the allied air forces in the Second World War. It makes no sense in an age when the deadly poisons produced by a nuclear exchange would be carried by wind and water and soil and seed to the far corners of the globe and to generations yet unborn. '''Today the expenditure of billions of dollars every year on weapons acquired for the purpose of making sure we never need to use them is essential to keeping the peace. But surely the acquisition of such idle stockpiles — which can only destroy and never create — is not the only, much less the most efficient, means of assuring peace. I speak of peace''', therefore, '''as the necessary rational end of rational men. I realize that the pursuit of peace is not as dramatic as the pursuit of war — and frequently the words of the pursuer fall on deaf ears. But we have no more urgent task.'''

* '''Some say that it is useless to speak of world peace or world law or world disarmament — and that it will be useless until the leaders of the Soviet Union adopt a more enlightened attitude. I hope they do. I believe we can help them do it. But I also believe that we must reexamine our own attitude — as individuals and as a Nation — for our attitude is as essential as theirs.''' And every graduate of this school, '''every thoughtful citizen who despairs of war and wishes to bring peace, should begin by looking inward — by examining his own attitude toward the possibilities of peace, toward the Soviet Union, toward the course of the cold war and toward freedom and peace here at home.'''

* '''Let us examine our attitude toward peace itself. Too many of us think it is impossible. Too many think it unreal. But that is a dangerous, defeatist belief. It leads to the conclusion that war is inevitable — that mankind is doomed — that we are gripped by forces we cannot control.''' We need not accept that view. '''Our problems are manmade — therefore, they can be solved by man. And man can be as big as he wants. No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings.''' Man's reason and spirit have often solved the seemingly unsolvable — and we believe they can do it again.

* '''I am not referring to the absolute, infinite concept of peace and good will of which some fantasies and fanatics dream. I do not deny the value of hopes and dreams but we merely invite discouragement and incredulity by making that our only and immediate goal. Let us focus instead on a more practical, more attainable peace — based not on a sudden revolution in human nature but on a gradual evolution in human institutions — on a series of concrete actions and effective agreements which are in the interest of all concerned.''' There is no single, simple key to this peace — no grand or magic formula to be adopted by one or two powers. '''Genuine peace must be the product of many nations, the sum of many acts. It must be dynamic, not static, changing to meet the challenge of each new generation. For peace is a process — a way of solving problems'''.
** Kennedy's "focus on a more practical, more attainable peace, based not on a sudden revolution in human nature but on a gradual evolution of human institutions." was quoted by [[Barack Obama]] in his [[Barack Obama#Nobel_Prize_acceptance_speech|Nobel Prize acceptance speech]].

* '''World peace, like community peace, does not require that each man love his neighbor — it requires only that they live together in mutual tolerance, submitting their disputes to a just and peaceful settlement.''' And history teaches us that enmities between nations, as between individuals, do not last forever. However fixed our likes and dislikes may seem, the tide of time and events will often bring surprising changes in the relations between nations and neighbors.

* '''Peace need not be impracticable, and war need not be inevitable. By defining our goal more clearly, by making it seem more manageable and less remote, we can help all peoples to see it, to draw hope from it, and to move irresistibly toward it.'''

* '''No government or social system is so evil that its people must be considered as lacking in virtue.'''

* In short, both the United States and its allies, and the Soviet Union and its allies, have a mutually deep interest in a just and genuine peace and in halting the arms race. Agreements to this end are in the interests of the Soviet Union as well as ours — and even the most hostile nations can be relied upon to accept and keep those treaty obligations, and only those treaty obligations, which are in their own interest. So, '''let us not be blind to our differences — but let us also direct attention to our common interests and to the means by which those differences can be resolved. And if we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity. For, in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children's future. And we are all mortal.'''

* Let us reexamine our attitude toward the cold war, remembering that we are not engaged in a debate, seeking to pile up debating points. We are not here distributing blame or pointing the finger of judgment. '''We must deal with the world as it is, and not as it might have been had the history of the last 18 years been different.''' We must, therefore, persevere in the search for peace in the hope that constructive changes within the Communist bloc might bring within reach solutions which now seem beyond us. We must conduct our affairs in such a way that it becomes in the Communists' interest to agree on a genuine peace. Above all, while defending our own vital interests, '''nuclear powers must avert those confrontations which bring an adversary to a choice of either a humiliating retreat or a nuclear war. To adopt that kind of course in the nuclear age would be evidence only of the bankruptcy of our policy — or of a collective death-wish for the world.''' To secure these ends, America's weapons are nonprovocative, carefully controlled, designed to deter, and capable of selective use. Our military forces are committed to peace and disciplined in self- restraint. Our diplomats are instructed to avoid unnecessary irritants and purely rhetorical hostility. For '''we can seek a relaxation of tension without relaxing our guard.''' And, for our part, '''we do not need to use threats to prove that we are resolute.''' We do not need to jam foreign broadcasts out of fear our faith will be eroded. '''We are unwilling to impose our system on any unwilling people — but we are willing and able to engage in peaceful competition with any people on earth.'''

* The one major area of these negotiations where the end is in sight, yet where a fresh start is badly needed, is in a treaty to outlaw nuclear tests. The conclusion of such a treaty, so near and yet so far, would check the spiraling arms race in one of its most dangerous areas. It would place the nuclear powers in a position to deal more effectively with one of the greatest hazards which man faces in 1963, the further spread of nuclear arms. It would increase our security — it would decrease the prospects of war. Surely this goal is sufficiently important to require our steady pursuit, yielding neither to the temptation to give up the whole effort nor the temptation to give up our insistence on vital and responsible safeguards.

* '''The quality and spirit of our own society must justify and support our efforts abroad.'''

* '''And is not peace, in the last analysis, basically a matter of human rights — the right to live out our lives without fear of devastation — the right to breathe air as nature provided it — the right of future generations to a healthy existence?'''

* '''While we proceed to safeguard our national interests, let us also safeguard human interests. And the elimination of war and arms is clearly in the interest of both.'''

* '''No treaty, however much it may be to the advantage of all, however tightly it may be worded, can provide absolute security against the risks of deception and evasion. But it can — if it is sufficiently effective in its enforcement and if it is sufficiently in the interests of its signers — offer far more security and far fewer risks than an unabated, uncontrolled, unpredictable arms race.'''

* '''The United States, as the world knows, will never start a war. We do not want a war. We do not now expect a war. This generation of Americans has already had enough — more than enough — of war and hate and oppression. We shall be prepared if others wish it. We shall be alert to try to stop it. But we shall also do our part to build a world of peace where the weak are safe and the strong are just. We are not helpless before that task or hopeless of its success. Confident and unafraid, we labor on — not toward a strategy of annihilation but toward a strategy of peace.'''

==== [[w:Civil Rights Address|Civil Rights Address]] ====
: The [[s:Civil Rights Message|Civil Rights Address]] delivered on radio and television from the Oval Office (11 June 1963) in which he proposed the [[w:Civil Rights Act of 1964|Civil Rights Act of 1964]]. He responds to the threats of violence and obstruction on the [[w:University of Alabama|University of Alabama]] campus following [[w:Desegregation|desegregation attempts]], explaining that the United States was founded on the principle that all men are created equal and thus, all American students are entitled to attend public educational institutions, regardless of race. He also discusses how discrimination affects education, public safety, and international relations, noting that the country cannot preach freedom internationally while ignoring it domestically. The President asks Congress to enact legislation protecting all Americans' voting rights, legal standing, educational opportunities, and access to public facilities, but recognizes that legislation alone cannot solve the country's problems concerning race relations.
[[File:Writing the Declaration of Independence 1776 cph.3g09904.jpg|thumb|This Nation was founded by men of many nations and backgrounds. It was founded on the principle that all men are created equal, and that the rights of every man are diminished when the rights of one man are threatened.]]
[[File:March_on_Washington_edit.jpg|thumb|A great change is at hand, and our task, our obligation, is to make that revolution, that change, peaceful and constructive for all.]]
[[File:President Kennedy addresses nation on Civil Rights, 11 June 1963.jpg|thumb|This Nation, for all its hopes and all its boasts, will not be fully free until all its citizens are free.]]

* '''This Nation was founded by men of many nations and backgrounds. It was founded on the principle that all men are created equal, and that the rights of every man are diminished when the rights of one man are threatened.'''

* Today we are committed to a worldwide struggle to promote and protect the rights of all who wish to be free. And when Americans are sent to Vietnam or West Berlin, we do not ask for whites only. It ought to be possible, therefore, for American students of any color to attend any public institution they select without having to be backed up by troops.

* It ought to be possible for American consumers of any color to receive equal service in places of public accommodation, such as hotels and restaurants and theaters and retail stores, without being forced to resort to demonstrations in the street, and it ought to be possible for American citizens of any color to register and to vote in a free election without interference or fear of reprisal. It ought to be possible, in short, for every American to enjoy the privileges of being American without regard to his race or his color. In short, every American ought to have the right to be treated as he would wish to be treated, as one would wish his children to be treated. But this is not the case.

* This is not a sectional issue. Difficulties over segregation and discrimination exist in every city, in every State of the Union, producing in many cities a rising tide of discontent that threatens the public safety. Nor is this a partisan issue. '''In a time of domestic crisis men of good will and generosity should be able to unite regardless of party or politics.''' This is not even a legal or legislative issue alone. It is better to settle these matters in the courts than on the streets, and new laws are needed at every level, but law alone cannot make men see right. We are confronted primarily with a moral issue. It is as old as the [[w:Religious text|scriptures]] and is as clear as the [[United States Constitution|American Constitution]].

* The heart of the question is whether all Americans are to be afforded equal rights and equal opportunities, whether we are going to treat our fellow Americans as we want to be treated. If an American, because his skin is dark, cannot eat lunch in a restaurant open to the public, if he cannot send his children to the best public school available, if he cannot vote for the public officials who represent him, if, in short, he cannot enjoy the full and free life which all of us want, then who among us would be content to have the color of his skin changed and stand in his place? Who among us would then be content with the counsels of patience and delay?

* One hundred years of delay have passed since President Lincoln freed the slaves, yet their heirs, their grandsons, are not fully free. They are not yet freed from the bonds of injustice. They are not yet freed from social and economic oppression. And '''this Nation, for all its hopes and all its boasts, will not be fully free until all its citizens are free.'''

* We preach freedom around the world, and we mean it, and we cherish our freedom here at home, but are we to say to the world, and much more importantly, to each other that this is a land of the free except for the Negroes; that we have no second-class citizens except Negroes; that we have no class or caste system, no ghettoes, no master race except with respect to Negroes?

* The fires of frustration and discord are burning in every city, North and South, where legal remedies are not at hand. Redress is sought in the streets, in demonstrations, parades, and protests which create tensions and threaten violence and threaten lives. We face, therefore, a moral crisis as a country and as a people. It cannot be met by repressive police action. It cannot be left to increased demonstrations in the streets. It cannot be quieted by token moves or talk. It is a time to act in the Congress, in your State and local legislative body and, above all, in all of our daily lives. '''It is not enough to pin the blame on others, to say this is a problem of one section of the country or another, or deplore the fact that we face. A great change is at hand, and our task, our obligation, is to make that revolution, that change, peaceful and constructive for all. Those who do nothing are inviting shame as well as violence. Those who act boldly are recognizing right as well as reality.'''

* '''This is one country. It has become one country because all of us and all the people who came here had an equal chance to develop their talents.''' We cannot say to 10 percent of the population that you can't have that right; that your children can't have the chance to develop whatever talents they have; that the only way that they are going to get their rights is to go into the streets and demonstrate. I think we owe them and we owe ourselves a better country than that. Therefore, I am asking for your help in making it easier for us to move ahead and to provide the kind of equality of treatment which we would want ourselves; to give a chance for every child to be educated to the limit of his talents. As I have said before, not every child has an equal talent or an equal ability or an equal motivation, but they should have the equal right to develop their talent and their ability and their motivation, to make something of themselves.

* We have a right to expect that the Negro community will be responsible, will uphold the law, but they have a right to expect that the law will be fair, that the Constitution will be color blind, as [[w:John Marshall Harlan|Justice Harlan]] said at the turn of the century.

====Address in the Assembly Hall at the Paulskirche in Frankfurt====
[[File:North America from low orbiting satellite Suomi NPP.jpg|thumb|We must seek a world of peace — a world in which peoples dwell together in mutual respect and work together in mutual regard — a world where peace is not a mere interlude between wars, but an incentive to the creative energies of humanity.]]
:[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=9303 "Address in the Assembly Hall at the Paulskirche in Frankfurt, West Germany" (25 June 1963)]; ''The Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy, 1963'', p. 519; also in ''The Burden and the Glory'' (1964) by John F. Kennedy, edited by Allan Nevins, p. 115]

* '''Partnership is not a posture but a process-a continuous process that grows stronger each year as we devote ourselves to common tasks.'''

* As they say on my own Cape Cod, a rising tide lifts all the boats. And a partnership, by definition, serves both partners, without domination or unfair advantage. Together we have been partners in adversity — let us also be partners in prosperity.

* But [[Goethe]] tells us in his greatest poem that [[Faust]] lost the [[liberty]] of his soul when he said to the passing moment: "Stay, thou art so fair." And '''our liberty''', too, '''is endangered if we pause for the passing moment, if we rest on our achievements, if we resist the pace of progress. For time and the world do not stand still. Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or the present are certain to miss the future.'''
** ''Variant:'' '''Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or the present are certain to miss the future.'''
*** ''Documents on International Affairs'', 1963, Royal Institute of International Affairs, ed. Sir John Wheeler Wheeler-Bennett, p. 36.

* '''The mission is to create a new social order, rounded on liberty and justice, in which men are the masters of their fate, in which states are the servants of their citizens, and in which all men and women can share a better life for themselves and their children.''' That is the object of our common policy. To realize this vision, '''we must seek a world of peace — a world in which peoples dwell together in mutual respect and work together in mutual regard — a world where peace is not a mere interlude between wars, but an incentive to the creative energies of humanity.''' We will not find such a peace today, or even tomorrow. The obstacles to hope are large and menacing. Yet the goal of a peaceful world — today and tomorrow-must shape our decisions and inspire our purposes. So we are all idealists. We are all visionaries. Let it not be said of this''' Atlantic '''generation that we left ideals and visions to the past, nor purpose and determination to our adversaries. We have come too far, we have sacrificed too much, to disdain the future now. And we shall ever remember what Goethe told us — that the "highest wisdom, the best that mankind ever knew" was the realization that "he only earns his freedom and existence who daily conquers them anew."'''

==== ''[[w:Ich bin ein Berliner|Ich bin ein Berliner]]'' ====
:"[[s:Ich bin ein Berliner|Ich bin ein Berliner]]" address at 'Rathaus Schöneberg' in West-Berlin, Germany (26 June 1963); presented in the midst of a five-nation tour of Western Europe, Kennedy discusses his hopes for the reunification of Germany, and emphasizes the philosophical differences between capitalism and communism, noting, "Freedom is indivisible, and when one man is enslaved, all are not free." In his remarks President Kennedy famously proclaims, "Ich bin ein Berliner."
[[File:Winken ueber die Berliner Mauer.jpg|thumb|Freedom is indivisible, and when one man is enslaved, all are not free.]]
[[File:JFK speech lch bin ein berliner 1.jpg|thumb|All free men, wherever they may live, are citizens of Berlin, and, therefore, as a free man, I take pride in the words "Ich bin ein Berliner."]]

* '''Two thousand years ago the proudest boast was "[[w:Civis romanus sum|civis Romanus sum]]." Today, in the world of freedom, the proudest boast is "Ich bin ein Berliner."'''

* There are many people in the world who really don't understand, or say they don't, what is the great issue between the free world and the Communist world. ''Let them come to Berlin.'' There are some who say that communism is the wave of the future. ''Let them come to Berlin.'' And there are some who say in Europe and elsewhere we can work with the Communists. ''Let them come to Berlin.'' And there are even a few who say that it is true that communism is an evil system, but it permits us to make economic progress. ''Lass' sie nach Berlin kommen. Let them come to Berlin.''

* '''[[Freedom]] has many difficulties and [[democracy]] is not perfect, but we have never had to put a [[w:Berlin Wall|wall]] up to keep our people in, to prevent them from leaving us.''' [...] While '''the wall is the most obvious and vivid demonstration of the failures of the Communist system''', for all the world to see, we take no satisfaction in it, for '''it is''', as [[Willy Brandt|your Mayor]] has said, '''an offense not only against history but an offense against humanity, separating families, dividing husbands and wives and brothers and sisters, and dividing a people who wish to be joined together.'''

* What is true of this city is true of Germany — real, lasting peace in Europe can never be assured as long as one German out of four is denied the elementary right of free men, and that is to make a free choice. In 18 years of peace and good faith, this generation of Germans has earned the right to be free, including the right to unite their families and their nation in lasting peace, with good will to all people. '''You live in a defended island of freedom, but your life is part of the main. So let me ask you as I close, to lift your eyes beyond the dangers of today, to the hopes of tomorrow, beyond the freedom merely of this city of Berlin, or your country of Germany, to the advance of freedom everywhere, beyond the wall to the day of peace with justice, beyond yourselves and ourselves to all mankind.'''

* '''Freedom is indivisible, and when one man is enslaved, all are not free. When all are free, then we can look forward to that day when this city will be joined as one and this country and this great Continent of Europe in a peaceful and hopeful globe.''' When that day finally comes, as it will, the people of West Berlin can take sober satisfaction in the fact that they were in the front lines for almost two decades. '''All free men, wherever they may live, are citizens of Berlin, and, therefore, as a free man, I take pride in the words "Ich bin ein Berliner."'''

==== ''Address at the Free University of Berlin'' ====
:[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=9310 Address at the Free University of Berlin (26 June 1963)] 
[[File:Holbein-erasmus.jpg|thumb|The duty of the scholar, of the educated man, of the man or woman whom society has developed talents in, the duty of that man or woman is to help build the society which has made their own advancement possible.]]
[[File:What_is_truth.jpg|thumb|What does truth require? It requires us to face the facts as they are, not to involve ourselves in self-deception; to refuse to think merely in slogans. [...] let us deal with the realities as they actually are, not as they might have been, and not as we wish they were.]]

* '''Prince [[Bismarck]] once said that one-third of the students of German universities broke down from overwork; another third broke down from dissipation, and the other third ruled Germany.'''
* '''The duty of the scholar, of the educated man, of the man or woman whom society has developed talents in, the duty of that man or woman is to help build the society which has made their own advancement possible.'''

* '''The scholar, the teacher, the intellectual, have a higher duty than any of the others, for society has trained you to think as well as do.'''

* First, '''what does truth require? It requires us to face the facts as they are, not to involve ourselves in self-deception; to refuse to think merely in slogans.''' If we are to work for the future of the city, '''let us deal with the realities as they actually are, not as they might have been, and not as we wish they were.'''

* '''We must''' first '''bring others to see their own true interests better than they do today.'''

* Secondly, '''what does justice require? In the end, it requires liberty.'''

* This right of '''free choice''' is no special privilege claimed by the Germans alone. It '''is an elemental requirement of human justice.'''

* '''The truth doesn't die. The desire for liberty cannot be fully suppressed.'''

* As I said this morning, I am not impressed by the opportunities open to popular fronts throughout the world. '''I do not believe that any democrat can successfully ride that tiger. But I do believe in the necessity of great powers working together to preserve the human race, or otherwise we can be destroyed.'''

* But '''life is never easy. There is work to be done and obligations to be met — obligations to truth, to justice, and to liberty.'''

==== [[w:Partial_Nuclear_Test_Ban_Treaty|Limited Nuclear Test Ban Treaty]] speech ====
:[http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Speeches/Radio-and-Television-Address-to-the-American-People-on-the-Nuclear-Test-Ban-Treaty-July-26-1963.aspx Radio and Television Address to the American People on the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty (26 July 1963)], asserting that the [[w:Partial_Nuclear_Test_Ban_Treaty|Limited Nuclear Test Ban Treaty]] will strengthen national security, lessen the risk and fear of radioactive fallout, reduce world tension by encouraging further dialogue, and prevent acquisition of nuclear weapons by nations not currently possessing them. The President emphasizes that while the treaty does not eliminate the threat of nuclear war, a limited test ban is safer than an unlimited arms race.
[[File:President Kennedy signs Nuclear Test Ban Treaty, 07 October 1963.jpg|thumb|I ask you to stop and think for a moment what it would mean to have nuclear weapons in so many hands, in the hands of countries large and small, stable and unstable, responsible and irresponsible, scattered throughout the world. There would be no rest for anyone then, no stability, no real security, and no chance of effective disarmament.]]
[[File:Kennedy Family with Dogs During a Weekend at Hyannisport 1963-crop.png|thumb|The loss of even one human life [...] should be of concern to us all. Our children and grandchildren are not merely statistics toward which we can be indifferent.]]

* [[w:Trinity (nuclear test)|Eighteen years ago the advent of nuclear weapons]] [[w:History of nuclear weapons|changed the course of the world as well as the war]]. Since that time, all mankind has been struggling to escape from the darkening prospect of mass destruction on earth. In an age when both sides have come to possess enough nuclear power to destroy the human race several times over, the world of communism and the world of free choice have been caught up in a vicious circle of conflicting ideology and interest. Each increase of tension has produced an increase of arms; each increase of arms has produced an increase of tension.

* Yesterday a shaft of light cut into the darkness. Negotiations were concluded in Moscow on a treaty to ban all nuclear tests in the atmosphere, in outer space, and under water. For the first time, an agreement has been reached on bringing the forces of nuclear destruction under international control-a goal first sought in 1946 when [[Bernard Baruch]] presented [[w:Baruch Plan|a comprehensive control plan to the United Nations]].

* '''I do not say that a world without aggression or threats of war would be an easy world. It will bring new problems, new challenges from the Communists, new dangers of relaxing our vigilance or of mistaking their intent. But those dangers pale in comparison to those of the spiraling arms race and a collision course towards war. Since the beginning of history, war has been mankind’s constant companion.''' It has been the rule, not the exception. Even a nation as young and as peace-loving as our own has fought through eight wars.

* '''A war today or tomorrow, if it led to nuclear war, would not be like any war in history.''' A full-scale nuclear exchange, lasting less than 60 minutes, with the weapons now in existence, could wipe out more than 300 million Americans, Europeans, and Russians, as well as untold numbers elsewhere. And '''the survivors''', as Chairman Khrushchev warned the Communist Chinese, "the survivors would envy the dead." For they '''would inherit a world so devastated by explosions and poison and fire that today we cannot even conceive of its horrors. So let us try to turn the world away from war. Let us make the most of this opportunity, and every opportunity, to reduce tension, to slow down the perilous nuclear arms race, and to check the world's slide toward final annihilation.'''

* '''Continued unrestricted testing by the nuclear powers, joined in time by other nations which may be less adept in limiting pollution, will increasingly contaminate the air that all of us must breathe.''' Even then, the number of children and grandchildren with cancer in their bones, with leukemia in their blood, or with poison in their lungs might seem statistically small to some, in comparison with natural health hazards. But this is not a natural health hazard — and it is not a statistical issue. '''The loss of even one human life, or the malformation of even one baby — who may be born long after we are gone — should be of concern to us all. Our children and grandchildren are not merely statistics toward which we can be indifferent.'''

* During the next several years, in addition to the four current nuclear powers, a small but significant number of nations will have the intellectual, physical, and financial resources to produce both nuclear weapons and the means of delivering them. In time, it is estimated, many other nations will have either this capacity or other ways of obtaining nuclear warheads, even as missiles can be commercially purchased today. '''I ask you to stop and think for a moment what it would mean to have nuclear weapons in so many hands, in the hands of countries large and small, stable and unstable, responsible and irresponsible, scattered throughout the world. There would be no rest for anyone then, no stability, no real security, and no chance of effective disarmament. There would only be the increased chance of accidental war, and an increased necessity for the great powers to involve themselves in what otherwise would be local conflicts.''' If only one thermonuclear bomb were to be dropped on any American, Russian, or any other city, whether it was launched by accident or design, by a madman or by an enemy, by a large nation or by a small, from any corner of the world, that one bomb could release more destructive power on the inhabitants of that one helpless city than all the bombs dropped in the Second World War.

* '''No one can be certain what the future will bring. No one can say whether the time has come for an easing of the struggle. But history and our own conscience will judge us harsher if we do not now make every effort to test our hopes by action. And this is the place to begin.'''

* '''According to the ancient Chinese proverb, "A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." My fellow Americans, let us take that first step. Let us, if we can, step back from the shadows of war and seek out the way of peace. And if that journey is a thousand miles, or even more, let history record that we, in this land, at this time, took the first step.'''

==== UN speech ====
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|[[Peace]] is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures. And however undramatic the pursuit of peace, that pursuit must go on.]]
[[File:UN Headquarters 2.jpg|thumb|The task of building the peace lies with the leaders of every nation, large and small. … The long labor of peace is an undertaking for every nation — and in this effort none of us can remain unaligned.To this goal none can be uncommitted.]]
[[File:UN_security_council_2005.jpg|thumb|But peace does not rest in charters and covenants alone. It lies in the hearts and minds of all people. And if it is cast out there, then no act, no pact, no treaty, no organization can hope to preserve it without the support and the wholehearted commitment of all people.]]
:[[s:Address to the United Nations General Assembly (Kennedy, 1963-09-20)|Address Before the 18th General Assembly of the United Nations]] (20 September 1963). In his speech the President discusses the recently signed treaty banning atmospheric nuclear weapons tests (later known as the Partial Test Ban Treaty or Limited Test Ban Treaty), remarking that peace may be attainable when two nations with incompatible ideologies negotiate with each other. The President famously asks, "Space offers no problems of sovereignty…Why, therefore, should man's first flight to the moon be a matter of national competition?" President Kennedy also explains that the task of maintaining peace and decreasing global tension must be shared by all nations. He proposes ways for the United Nations to increase and improve their efforts in developing countries, specifically focusing on health, human rights, agriculture, communication, and the environment.

* The world has not escaped from the darkness. The long shadows of conflict and crisis envelop us still. But we meet today in an atmosphere of rising hope, and at a moment of comparative calm. My presence here today is not a sign of crisis, but of confidence. I am not here to report on a new threat to the peace or new signs of war. I have come to salute the United Nations and to show the support of the American people for your daily deliberations. For the value of this body's work is not dependent on the existence of emergencies — nor can the winning of peace consist only of dramatic victories. '''[[Peace]] is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures. And however undramatic the pursuit of peace, that pursuit must go on.'''

* '''The task of building the peace lies with the leaders of every nation, large and small. For the great powers have no monopoly on conflict or ambition.''' The cold war is not the only expression of tension in this world — and the nuclear race is not the only arms race. Even little wars are dangerous in a nuclear world. '''The long labor of peace is an undertaking for every nation — and in this effort none of us can remain unaligned. To this goal none can be uncommitted.'''

* Chronic disputes which divert precious resources from the needs of the people or drain the energies of both sides serve the interests of no one — and '''the badge of responsibility in the modern world is a willingness to seek peaceful solutions.'''

* I would say to the leaders of the [[w:Soviet Union|Soviet Union]], and to their people, that '''if either of our countries is to be fully secure, we need a much better weapon than the [[w:H-bomb|H-bomb]] — a weapon better than ballistic missiles or nuclear submarines — and that better weapon is peaceful cooperation.'''

* In these and other ways, '''let us move up the steep and difficult path toward comprehensive disarmament, securing mutual confidence through mutual verification, and building the institutions of peace as we dismantle the engines of war. We must not let failure to agree on all points delay agreements where agreement is possible. And we must not put forward proposals for propaganda purposes.'''

* Finally, in a field where the United States and the Soviet Union have a special capacity — in the field of space — there is room for new cooperation, for further joint efforts in the regulation and exploration of space. I include among these possibilities a joint expedition to the moon. '''Space offers no problems of sovereignty'''; by resolution of this Assembly, the members of the United Nations have foresworn any claim to territorial rights in outer space or on celestial bodies, and declared that international law and the United Nations Charter will apply. '''Why, therefore, should man's first flight to the moon be a matter of national competition?''' Why should the United States and the Soviet Union, in preparing for such expeditions, become involved in immense duplications of research, construction, and expenditure? Surely we should explore whether the scientists and astronauts of our two countries — indeed of all the world — cannot work together in the conquest of space, sending someday in this decade to the moon not the representatives of a single nation, but the representatives of all of our countries.

* The contest will continue — the contest between those who see a monolithic world and those who believe in diversity — but it should be a contest in leadership and responsibility instead of destruction, a contest in achievement instead of intimidation. Speaking for the United States of America, I welcome such a contest. For we believe that '''truth is stronger than error — and that freedom is more enduring than coercion.''' And in the contest for a better life, all the world can be a winner.

* '''The effort to improve the conditions of man, however, is not a task for the few. It is the task of all nations''' — acting alone, acting in groups, acting in the United Nations, '''for plague and pestilence, and plunder and pollution, the hazards of nature, and the hunger of children are the foes of every nation. The earth, the sea, and the air are the concern of every nation. And science, technology, and education can be the ally of every nation. Never before has man had such capacity to control his own environment, to end thirst and hunger, to conquer poverty and disease, to banish illiteracy and massive human misery. We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind in the history of the world — or to make it the last.'''

* New efforts are needed if this Assembly's [[w:Universal Declaration of Human Rights|Declaration of Human Rights]], now 15 years old, is to have full meaning. And new means should be found for promoting the free expression and trade of ideas — through travel and communication, and through increased exchanges of people, and books, and broadcasts. For as the world renounces the competition of weapons, competition in ideas must flourish — and that competition must be as full and as fair as possible.

* '''The [[United Nations]] cannot survive as a static organization.''' Its obligations are increasing as well as its size. Its Charter must be changed as well as its customs. The authors of that Charter did not intend that it be frozen in perpetuity. '''The science of weapons and war has made us all''', far more than 18 years ago in San Francisco, '''one world and one human race, with one common destiny. In such a world, absolute sovereignty no longer assures us of absolute security. The conventions of peace must pull abreast and then ahead of the inventions of war. The United Nations, building on its successes and learning from its failures, must be developed into a genuine world security system.'''

* '''But peace does not rest in charters and covenants alone. It lies in the hearts and minds of all people. And if it is cast out there, then no act, no pact, no treaty, no organization can hope to preserve it without the support and the wholehearted commitment of all people. So let us not rest all our hopes on parchment and on paper; let us strive to build peace, a desire for peace, a willingness to work for peace, in the hearts and minds of all our people.''' I believe that we can. I believe '''the problems of human destiny are not beyond the reach of human beings.'''

* Two years ago I told this body that the United States had proposed, and was willing to sign, a limited test ban treaty. Today that treaty has been signed. It will not put an end to war. It will not remove basic conflicts. It will not secure freedom for all. But it can be a lever, and [[Archimedes]], in explaining the principles of the lever, was said to have declared to his friends: "Give me a place where I can stand — and I shall move the world." '''My fellow inhabitants of this planet: Let us take our stand here in [[w:United Nations General Assembly|this Assembly of nations]]. And let us see if we, in our own time, can move the world to a just and lasting peace.'''

==== Speech at Amherst College ====
:Remarks upon receiving an honorary degree, [[w:Amherst College|Amherst College]], Amherst, Massachusetts (October 26, 1963); reported in ''Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy, 1963'', p. 817. In his speech President Kennedy explains the importance of public service from educated citizens, and describes the role of an artist in society, noting [[Robert Frost|Frost]]’s contributions to American arts, culture, and ideology. The President discusses the nature of strength and power, famously stating, “When power leads men towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man’s concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.”

[[File:John_F_Kennedy_Official_Portrait.jpg |thumb|When power leads men towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations...]]
[[File:Chapmans Coffin.jpg|thumb|A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers.]]

* Privilege is here, and '''with privilege goes responsibility.'''

* '''A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers.'''

* '''The men who create power make an indispensable contribution to the Nation's greatness, but the men who question power make a contribution just as indispensable''', especially when that questioning is disinterested, for they determine whether we use power or power uses us.

* '''When power leads men towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.''' For art establishes the basic human truth which must serve as the touchstone of our judgment.

* '''The artist, however faithful to his personal vision of reality, becomes the last champion of the individual mind and sensibility against an intrusive society and an officious state. The great artist is thus a solitary figure.''' He has, as [[Robert Frost|Frost]] said, a lover's quarrel with the world. In pursuing his perceptions of reality, he must often sail against the currents of his time. This is not a popular role. If Robert Frost was much honored in his lifetime, it was because a good many preferred to ignore his darker truths. Yet in retrospect, we see how the artist's fidelity has strengthened the fibre of our national life. If sometimes our great artist have been the most critical of our society, it is because their sensitivity and their concern for justice, which must motivate any true artist, makes him aware that our Nation falls short of its highest potential. '''I see little of more importance to the future of our country and our civilization than full recognition of the place of the artist.'''

* '''If art is to nourish the roots of our culture, society must set the artist free to follow his vision wherever it takes him. We must never forget that art is not a form of propaganda; it is a form of truth.''' And as Mr. MacLeish once remarked of poets, there is nothing worse for our trade than to be in style. '''In free society art is not a weapon and it does not belong to the spheres of polemic and ideology. Artists are not engineers of the soul. It may be different elsewhere. But democratic society — in it, the highest duty of the writer, the composer, the artist is to remain true to himself and to let the chips fall where they may. In serving his vision of the truth, the artist best serves his nation. And the nation which disdains the mission of art invites the fate of [[Robert Frost]]'s hired man, the fate of having "nothing to look backward to with pride, and nothing to look forward to with hope."'''

* '''I look forward to a great future for America, a future in which our country will match its military strength with our moral restraint, its wealth with our wisdom, its power with our purpose. I look forward to an America which will not be afraid of grace and beauty, which will protect the beauty of our natural environment, which will preserve the great old American houses and squares and parks of our national past, and which will build handsome and balanced cities for our future.'''

* '''I look forward to an America which will reward achievement in the arts as we reward achievement in business or statecraft. I look forward to an America which will steadily raise the standards of artistic accomplishment and which will steadily enlarge cultural opportunities for all of our citizens. And I look forward to an America which commands respect throughout the world not only for its strength but for its civilization as well. And I look forward to a world which will be safe not only for democracy and diversity but also for personal distinction.'''

==== President John F. Kennedy's last formal speech and public words ====
[[File:TheKennedyFamily1.jpg |thumb|I have spoken about the New Frontier. [...] It is an era which calls for action and for the best efforts of all those who would test the unknown and the uncertain in every phase of human endeavor. It is a time for pathfinders and pioneers.]]
[[File:USA123.jpg|thumb|I think the United States should be a leader. A country as rich and powerful as this which bears so many burdens and responsibilities, which has so many opportunities, should be second to none.]]
[[File:Kennedy, Johnson, and others watching flight of Astronaut Shepard on television, 05 May 1961.png |thumb|This Nation has tossed its cap over the wall of space, and we have no choice but to follow it. Whatever the difficulties, they will be overcome [...] we will climb this wall with safety and with speed-and we shall then explore the wonders on the other side.]]

:[http://www.dennismansfield.com/business/2009/11/president-john-f-kennedys-last-formal-speech.html President John F. Kennedy last formal speech and public words at Aerospace Medical Center in San Antonio, Texas on November 21, 1963.]

* For more than 3 years '''I have spoken about the New Frontier.''' This is not a partisan term, and it is not the exclusive property of Republicans or Democrats. '''It refers''', instead, '''to this Nation's place in history, to the fact that we do stand on the edge of a great new era, filled with both crisis and opportunity, an era to be characterized by achievement and by challenge. It is an era which calls for action and for the best efforts of all those who would test the unknown and the uncertain in every phase of human endeavor. It is a time for pathfinders and pioneers.'''

* '''Many''' Americans '''make the mistake of assuming that space research has no values here on earth. Nothing could be further from the truth. Just as the wartime development of radar gave us the transistor, and all that it made possible, so research in space medicine holds the promise of substantial benefit for those of us who are earthbound. For our effort in space is not as some have suggested, a competitor for the natural resources that we need to develop the earth. It is a working partner and a coproducer of these resources. And nothing makes this clearer than the fact that medicine in space is going to make our lives healthier and happier here on earth.'''

* I give you three examples: first, '''medical space research may open up new understanding of man's relation to his environment. Examinations of the astronaut's physical, and mental, and emotional reactions can teach us more about the differences between normal and abnormal, about the causes and effects of disorientation, about changes in metabolism which could result in extending the life span. When you study the effects on our astronauts of exhaust gases which can contaminate their environment, and you seek ways to alter these gases so as to reduce their toxicity, you are working on problems similar to those in our great urban centers which themselves are being corrupted by gases and which must be clear.'''

* And second, '''medical space research may revolutionize the technology and the techniques of modern medicine. Whatever new devices are created, for example, '''to monitor our astronauts, to measure their heart activity, their breathing, their brain waves, their eye motion, at great distances and under difficult conditions, will also represent a major advance in general medical instrumentation.''' Heart patients may even be able to wear a light monitor which will sound a warning if their activity exceeds certain limits. An instrument recently developed to record automatically the impact of acceleration upon an astronaut's eyes will also be of help to small children who are suffering miserably from eye defects, but are unable to describe their impairment. And also by the use of instruments similar to those used in [[w:Project Mercury|Project Mercury]], this Nation's private as well as public nursing services are being improved, enabling one nurse now to give more critically ill patients greater attention than they ever could in the past.

* And third, '''medical space research may lead to new safeguards against hazards common to many environments'''. Specifically, our astronauts will need fundamentally new devices to protect them from the ill effects of radiation which can have a profound influence upon medicine and man's relations to our present environment.

* '''I think the United States should be a leader. A country as rich and powerful as this which bears so many burdens and responsibilities, which has so many opportunities, should be second to none.''' And in December, while I do not regard our mastery of space as anywhere near complete, while I recognize that there are still areas where we are behind — at least in one area, the size of the booster — this year I hope the United States will be ahead. And I am for it. '''We have a long way to go. Many weeks and months and years of long, tedious work lie ahead. There will be setbacks and frustrations and disappointments. There will be, as there always are, pressures in this country to do less in this area as in so many others, and temptations to do something else that is perhaps easier. But this research here must go on. This space effort must go on. The conquest of space must and will go ahead. That much we know. That much we can say with confidence and conviction.'''

* Frank O'Connor, the Irish writer, tells in one of his books how, as a boy, he and his friends would make their way across the countryside, and when they came to an orchard wall that seemed too high and too doubtful to try and too difficult to permit their voyage to continue, they took off their hats and tossed them over the wall — and then they had no choice but to follow them.

* '''This Nation has tossed its cap over the wall of space, and we have no choice but to follow it. Whatever the difficulties, they will be overcome. Whatever the hazards, they must be guarded against. With the vital''' help of this Aerospace Medical Center, with the '''help of all those who labor in the space endeavor, with the help and support of all Americans, we will climb this wall with safety and with speed-and we shall then explore the wonders on the other side.'''
** The original anecdote from whence Kennedy derived this comparison is in An Only Child, Frank O'Connor, London: MacMillan & Co. Ltd., 1961; p. 180.

==== [[s:Remarks Prepared for Delivery at the Trade Mart in Dallas|Remarks Prepared for Delivery at the Trade Mart in Dallas]] ====
:The following quotes were meant to be delivered on 22 November 1963, in Dallas, Texas. They were however never delivered; Kennedy was on his way to the [[w:Dallas Market Center|Trade Mart]] when [[w:Assassination of John F. Kennedy|he was assassinated]].

[[File:Kennedys arrive at Dallas 11-22-63.JPG |thumb|If we are strong, our strength will speak for itself. If we are weak, words will be of no help.]]
[[File:Two JFKs.jpg|thumb|Only an America which has fully educated its citizens is fully capable of tackling the complex problems and perceiving the hidden dangers of the world in which we live.]]
[[File:John F. Kennedy motorcade, Dallas crop.png |thumb|Only an America which practices what it preaches about equal rights and social justice will be respected by those whose choice affects our future.]]

* It is fitting that these two symbols of Dallas progress are united in the sponsorship of this meeting, for they represent the best qualities, I am told, of leadership and learning in this city — and '''leadership and learning are indispensable to each other. The advancement of learning depends on community leadership for financial and political support and the products of that learning, in turn, are essential to the leadership's hopes for continued progress and prosperity. It is not a coincidence that those communities possessing the best in research and graduate facilities''' — from [[w:Massachusetts Institute of Technology|MIT]] to [[w:California Institute of Technology|Cal Tech]] — '''tend to attract the new and growing industries. […] This link between leadership and learning is not only essential at the community level, it is even more indispensable in world affairs. Ignorance and misinformation can handicap the progress of a city or a company, but they can, if allowed to prevail in foreign policy, handicap this country's security. In a world of complex and continuing problems, in a world full of frustrations and irritations, America's leadership must be guided by the lights of learning and reason''', or else those who confuse rhetoric with reality and the plausible with the possible will gain the popular ascendancy with their seemingly swift and simple solutions to every world problem.

* We cannot expect that everyone, to use the phrase of a decade ago, will [[w:Adlai_Stevenson#1952_presidential_bid|''"talk sense to the American people"'']]. But we can hope that fewer people will listen to nonsense. And '''the notion''' that this Nation is headed for defeat through deficit, or '''that strength is but a matter of slogans, is nothing but just plain nonsense.'''

* I want to discuss with you today the status of our strength and our security because this question clearly calls for the most responsible qualities of leadership and the most enlightened products of scholarship. For this Nation's strength and security are not easily or cheaply obtained, nor are they quickly and simply explained. '''There are many kinds of strength and no one kind will suffice. Overwhelming nuclear strength cannot stop a guerrilla war. Formal pacts of alliance cannot stop internal subversion. Displays of material wealth cannot stop the disillusionment of diplomats subjected to discrimination. Above all, words alone are not enough.''' The United States is a peaceful nation. And '''where our strength and determination are clear, our words need merely to convey conviction, not belligerence. If we are strong, our strength will speak for itself. If we are weak, words will be of no help.'''

* In this administration also it has been necessary at times to issue specific warnings — warnings that [[w:History of Laos since 1945#The_failure_of_neutralism|we could not stand by]] and [[w:Laotian civil war#1961:_Superpowers.27_involvement_deepens|watch the Communists conquer Laos by force]], or [[w:Congo Crisis|intervene in the Congo]], or [[w:Berlin Crisis of 1961|swallow West Berlin]], or [[w:Cuban Missile Crisis|maintain offensive missiles on Cuba]]. But while our goals were at least temporarily obtained in these and other instances, '''our successful defense of freedom was due not to the words we used, but to the strength we stood ready to use on behalf of the principles we stand ready to defend. This strength is composed of many different elements, ranging from the most massive deterrents to the most subtle influences. And all types of strength are needed — no one kind could do the job alone.'''

* '''Our security and strength, in the last analysis, directly depend on the security and strength of others''', and that is why our military and economic assistance plays such a key role in enabling those who live on the periphery of the Communist world to maintain their independence of choice. Our assistance to these nations can be painful, risky and costly, as is true in Southeast Asia today. But we dare not weary of the task. For our assistance makes possible the stationing of 3-5 million allied troops along the Communist frontier at one-tenth the cost of maintaining a comparable number of American soldiers.

* Our foreign aid program is not growing in size, it is, on the contrary, smaller now than in previous years. It has had its weaknesses, but we have undertaken to correct them. And '''the proper way of treating weaknesses is to replace them with strength, not to increase those weaknesses by emasculating essential programs.''' Dollar for dollar, in or out of government, there is no better form of investment in our national security than our much-abused foreign aid program.

* Finally, it '''should be clear by now that a nation can be no stronger abroad than she is at home. Only an America which practices what it preaches about equal rights and social justice will be respected by those whose choice affects our future. Only an America which has fully educated its citizens is fully capable of tackling the complex problems and perceiving the hidden dangers of the world in which we live. And only an America which is growing and prospering economically can sustain the worldwide defenses of freedom, while demonstrating to all concerned the opportunities of our system and society.'''

* Our adversaries have not abandoned their ambitions, our dangers have not diminished, our vigilance cannot be relaxed. But now we have the military, the scientific, and the economic strength to do whatever must be done for the preservation and promotion of freedom. That strength will never be used in pursuit of aggressive ambitions — it will always be used in pursuit of peace. It will never be used to promote provocations — it will always be used to promote the peaceful settlement of disputes.

* '''We in this country, in this generation, are — by destiny rather than choice — the watchmen on the walls of world freedom. We ask, therefore, that we may be worthy of our power and responsibility, that we may exercise our strength with wisdom and restraint, and that we may achieve in our time and for all time the ancient vision of [[s:Bible_(King_James)/Luke#Chapter_2|''"peace on earth, good will toward men"'']]. That must always be our goal, and the righteousness of our cause must always underlie our strength.''' For as was written long ago: [[s:Bible_(King_James)/Psalms#Psalm_127|''"except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain."'']]

==== Remarks Intended for Delivery to the Texas Democratic State Committee in the Municipal Auditorium in Austin ====
[[File:Fort Worth rally, 22 November 1963.jpg |thumb|Our duty is not merely the preservation of political power but the preservation of peace and freedom.]]
[[File:Flag-lens-flare.jpg |thumb|Let us stand together with renewed confidence in our cause — united in our heritage of the past and our hopes for the future — and determined that this land we love shall lead all mankind into new frontiers of peace and abundance.]]
:JFK's words at a speech he planned to give at [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/10425030/JFK-the-last-word.html Texas Welcome Dinner at Municipal Auditorium, Austin, Texas], night of 11/22/1963. The following quotes were meant to be delivered on 22 November 1963, in Austin, Texas. They were however never delivered; Kennedy was on his way to the [[w:Dallas Market Center|Trade Mart]] when [[w:Assassination of John F. Kennedy|he was assassinated]]. Michael Beschloss, a presidential historian and PBS contributor, flagged the final lines of the speech that JFK would have given on the night of his assassination. Sources: [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=9540&st=&st1= John F. Kennedy: "Remarks Intended for Delivery to the Texas Democratic State Committee in the Municipal Auditorium in Austin," November 22, 1963. , [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/10425030/JFK-the-last-word.html ''JFK: the last word'' by The Guardian's Alex Hannaford on November 6, 2013], [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/07/jfk-assassination_n_4233535.html ''The Last Lines Of The Speech JFK Would Have Given The Night Of His Assassination'' by The Huffington Post's Paige Lavender on November 7, 2013], and [http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/11/07/read-the-last-lines-of-the-speech-jfk-was-supposed-to-give-on-the-night-of-his-assassination/ ''Read the Last Lines of the Speech JFK Was Supposed to Give on the Night of His Assassination'' by The Blaze's Jason Howert on November 7, 2013]

* '''Civilization''', it was once said, '''is a race between education and catastrophe''' — and we intend to win that race for education.

* For this country is moving and it must not stop. It cannot stop. For '''this is a time for courage and a time for challenge. Neither conformity nor complacency will do. Neither the fanatics nor the faint-hearted are needed.''' And '''our duty''' as a Party '''is''' not to our Party alone, but '''to the nation, and, indeed, to all mankind. Our duty is not merely the preservation of political power but the preservation of peace and freedom.'''

* So '''let us not be petty when our cause is so great. Let us not quarrel amongst ourselves when our Nation’s future is at stake.'''

* '''Let us stand together with renewed confidence in our cause — united in our heritage of the past and our hopes for the future — and determined that this land we love shall lead all mankind into new frontiers of peace and abundance.'''

== Attributed ==

* Just as I went into politics because [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_P._Kennedy,_Jr. Joe] died, if anything happened to me tomorrow, my brother [[Robert F. Kennedy|Bobby]] would run for my seat in the Senate. And if Bobby died, [[Edward Kennedy|Teddy]] would take over for him.
** Quoted in ''The Remarkable Kennedys'', Joe McCarthy, New York: Dial Press, 1960, page 114.

* I'm always rather nervous about how you talk about women who are active in politics, whether they want to be talked about as women or as politicians.
** Quoted in Bill Adler, "The Presidency," ''The Wit of President Kennedy'' (1964).
** [JFK was speaking]...To a group of women delegates to the [[United Nations]] who had suggested that there might one day be a woman President.

* Whether I serve one or two terms in the Presidency, I will find myself at the end of that period at what might be called the awkward age — too old to begin a new career and too young to write my memoirs.
** Quoted in [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx ''A Thousand Days: John F. Kennedy in the White House'', Arthur Schlesinger (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1965), page 1017.] According to a footnote in Schlesinger's manuscript (1st draft, page 1378), this was stated on February 13, 1961.

* All my life I've known better than to depend on the experts. How could I have been so stupid, to let them go ahead?
** Conversation with Theodore C. Sorensen concerning the [[w:Bay of Pigs Invasion|Bay of Pigs Invasion]]; as quoted in Sorensen's ''Kennedy'' (1965), p. 309.

* '''If anyone is crazy enough to want to kill a president of the United States, he can do it. All he must be prepared to do is give his life for the president’s.'''
** Pierre Salinger, ''With Kennedy'' (1966), [http://books.google.de/books?id=vx45mXCc4JoC&pg=PA1&lpg=PA1&dq=If+anyone+is+crazy+enough+to+want+to+kill+a+president+of+the+United+States,+he+can+do+it.+All+he+must+be+prepared+to+do+is+give+his+life+for+the+president%E2%80%99s.&source=bl&ots=Bom2TtsfyN&sig=WyeTm82PlS5xBDf7-sIY6xehqbo&hl=de&sa=X&ei=OewXUqv8JJSihgf07IHICA&ved=0CDAQ6AEwADgU#v=onepage&q=If%20anyone%20is%20crazy%20enough%20to%20want%20to%20kill%20a%20president%20of%20the%20United%20States%2C%20he%20can%20do%20it.%20All%20he%20must%20be%20prepared%20to%20do%20is%20give%20his%20life%20for%20the%20president%E2%80%99s.&f=false Chapter 1: Lancer to Wayside, page 1]

* When discussing the possibility of a complete military takeover in the country after reading the book [[w:Seven Days in May|Seven Days in May]], President Kennedy said, "...if there were a third Bay of Pigs, it could happen." He paused and then said "But it won't happen on my watch."
** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Related in The Pleasure of His Company, Paul Fay, Jr., New York: Harper & Row, 1966, p. 190.]

* I have a nice home, the office is close by, and the pay is good.
** Quoted in ''Johnny We Hardly Knew Ye'', Kenneth O'Donnell, Dave Powers, and Joseph McCarthy, Boston: Little, Brown, and Company, 1970, page 262.

* I was assured by every son of a bitch I checked with — all the military experts and the CIA — that the plan would succeed.
** Comment to [[Richard Nixon]], about the failure of the [[w:Bay of Pigs Invasion|Bay of Pigs Invasion]], as quoted in ''The Memoirs of Richard Nixon'' (1978) by Richard Nixon

* '''Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.'''
** As quoted in ''Mayor'' (1984) by [[Ed Koch]]

* It really is true that foreign affairs is the only important issue for a president to handle, isn't? … I mean, Who gives a shit if the minimum wage is $1.15 or $1.25 in comparison to something like this?
** Comment to [[Richard Nixon]], after the [[w:Bay of Pigs Invasion|Bay of Pigs Invasion]], as quoted in ''John F. Kennedy: The Presidential Portfolio : History as told through the collection of the John F. Kennedy Library and Museum'' (2000) by Charles Kenney

* '''A wall is a hell of a lot better than a war.'''
** Upon hearing about the construction of the Berlin Wall, as quoted in [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/books/non-fiction/article724547.ece "Savage century" in "The Sunday Times'' (28 May 2006)]

* I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
** When asked what his favorite song was, as quoted in ''The Ultimate Book of Useless Information'' (2007) by Noel Botham

* '''I’m an idealist without illusions.'''
** Comment about JFK by [[Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis]] as quoted in the Audiobook ''Jacqueline Kennedy: Historic Conversations on Life with John F. Kennedy'' (December 27, 2011) by Caroline Kennedy (Author, Narrator), Michael Beschloss (Author, Narrator), Jacqueline Kennedy (Narrator) & [[Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr.]] (Narrator) and published by Hyperion AudioBooks.

* What would Lincoln have been without the Civil War? Just another railroad lawyer!
** JFK to [[Gore Vidal]], quoted in David Swanson's ''Daybreak: Undoing the Imperial Presidency and Forming a More Perfect Union'' (2011).

{{Misattributed begin}}

== Misattributed ==

* A revolution is coming — a revolution which will be peaceful if we are wise enough; compassionate if we care enough; successful if we are fortunate enough — But a revolution which is coming whether we will it or not. We can affect its character; we cannot alter its inevitability.
** [[Robert F. Kennedy]], in a speech in the US Senate (9 May 1966)
* One person can make a difference, and every person should try.
** Political scientist [[w:Thomas Cronin|Thomas E. Cronin]], "Leadership and Democracy", in 'Liberal Education', 1987

* A child miseducated is a child lost.
** [[w:Umaru Tanko Al-Makura|Umaru Tanko Al-Makura]] on 29th July, 2013 at The Official Commissioning Of Ta’al Model School, Lafia By Nigeria's President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan where Umaru Tanko Al-Makura said: "[http://www.spyghana.com/speech-delivered-by-his-excellency-umaru-tanko-al-makura/ And, because the human mind is our fundamental resource, we are determined to avail our children the opportunity to acquire the best education possible, since a child mis-educated is a child lost.]"

* There's a plot in this country to enslave every man, woman, and child. Before I leave this high and noble office, I intend to expose this plot. - President John F. Kennedy 7 days before his assassination
** a fake quote debunked on several websites, including [https://www.metabunk.org/debunked-theres-a-plot-in-this-country-to-enslave-every-man-woman-and-child-jfk.t319/ metabunk.org]
{{Misattributed end}}

[[File:Civil rights leaders meet with President John F. Kennedy3.tiff|thumb|There was a civil war in this country... Kennedy provoked such hostility and hatred. His death was cheered in the South because of his support for Martin Luther King. ~Oliver Stone]]

== Quotes about Kennedy ==
[[File:John F. Kennedy, White House photo portrait, looking up.jpg |thumb|President Kennedy stood for the belief that idealism, high aspirations, and deep convictions are not incompatible with the most practical and efficient of programs — that there is no basic inconsistency between ideals and realistic possibilities, no separation between the deepest desires of heart and of mind and the rational application of human effort to human problems. ~ [[Robert F. Kennedy]]]]

*McCarthy was a Republican. The Democrats, however, have skeletons in their own closet and it's worth remembering them, too. For example, Democrat Woodrow Wilson's Attorney General, A. Mitchell Palmer, who was just as rabid an anti-Communist as McCarthy, did far more to repress free speech and political freedom than McCarthy ever attempted. It wasn't a Republican president who locked up thousands of loyal Americans of Japanese descent in concentration camps for years. It was Democrat Franklin D. Roosevelt. And it wasn't a Republican who wiretapped and snooped on [[Martin Luther King, Jr.|Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.]], but Democrats John F. Kennedy and his brother Robert, who signed the order as Attorney General.
**[[w:Bruce Bartlett|Bruce Bartlett]], as quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=vb3Mx7GqAmwC&printsec=frontcover&dq=isbn:9780230600621&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0CB4Q6AEwAGoVChMIi92Er-SPxwIVhnQ-Ch3plQCk#v=onepage&q&f=false ''Wrong on Race: The Democratic Party's Buried Past''] (2008), by B. Bartlett, p. xi.

* I met him in the 1950s when I was at Harvard, and I thought the world of him. I was greatly inspired by him when he became president, I found his inaugural address moving, I liked that special sense of vigor and enthusiasm that he injected into an America that seemed to be a little bit uncertain of itself, especially after the launch of the Sputnik. And I was profoundly shocked when he was shot. I remember that moment vividly, but I have to add that the more I learned about him later on, the more I became inclined to temper my enthusiasm for him. I began to see that he was much more manipulative, much more opportunistic, much more self-serving, much less guided by any profound sort of code of conduct or standard than I had believed. So it was, in a way, a disillusioning reassessment.
** [[Zbigniew Brzezinski]], [http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2013/11/the-world-according-to-zbigniew-brzezinski-100354_Page2.html#.U2sjP61_sSc "The World According to Zbig"] by Charles Gati in ''Politico'', November 27, 2013.

* This story, prepared in close cooperation with the late President Kennedy, was scheduled for publication in Superman No. 168, when word of his tragic assassination reached us. We immediately took it off the press and substituted other material. How-ever, white house officials have since informed us that President Johnson wanted it published, as a tribute to his great predecessor, and so we dedicate to the memory of our late, beloved president this plea for his physical fitness program, to which he was wholeheartedly devoted during his life..."Superman's mission for president Kennedy!"
** [[w:E. Nelson Bridwell|E. Nelson Bridwell]], "Superman's mission for president Kennedy!", ''Superman'' #170 July 1964, as quoted in [http://www.slate.com/blogs/weigel/2013/11/22/jfk_assassination_superman_comic_dedicated_to_kennedy.html "Revisiting Superman's Mission for JFK"], Emma Roller, ''Slate'', Nov 22 2013.

* Kennedy was at the hawkish end of the administration.
** [[Noam Chomsky]] in ''Rethinking Camelot'' (1993).

*There are people who always want to get rid of anyone who is doing good for the world - like Martin Luther King, or President Kennedy; it always happens... he had a vision of right relationships for humanity.
**[[Benjamin Creme]], [https://www.share-international.org/archives/M_emergence/faq_M_emergence.htm ''Maitreya's Emergence FAQ, Share International,''] (April 1999)

*[[John F. Kennedy|President Kennedy]] was not aware of [[UFOs|the Space Brothers]] per se, nor was he aware of the source of information. But he was aware of certain individuals in the [[w:United States Foreign Service|diplomatic corps of America]] who were agents of the Space Brothers. He thought highly of their advice and information, and acted on it. It was always given through that agency in the diplomatic service. Likewise, President [[George W. Bush|George W.Bush]], when he was in office, was informed by such an agent in the diplomatic service that there would be an attack on America – the White House, the Pentagon and major buildings – which came to pass on 9/11. The government was warned three months in advance of this event and did nothing about it. That is the extraordinary thing, the difference between Presidents Kennedy and Bush. Bush was advised not to react to the events of 9/11. Of course, the first thing he did was to react immediately in the wrong way.
**[[Benjamin Creme]], [https://share-international.org/magazine/old_issues/2010/2010-03.htm ''UFOs: Their Spiritual Mission Conference Q & A, Part 1, Share International magazine''] (March 2010)

* “I’m sure [[Obama]] is an atheist, I’m sure Kennedy was an atheist, but I doubt if [[Pope Francis|Pope Frank]] is.
** [[Richard Dawkins]] [http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=d2b_1382908273 Interview with Bill Maher (2013)]

* Kennedy survived as an orator to the point of delivering his own funeral oration, since [[:w:Ted Sorensen|Theodore Sorensen]] continued to write speeches for his successor in the same style that had contributed so much toward the dead man’s public persona.
** [[Guy Debord]], [[:s:The Society of the Spectacle/Chapter 3|''The Society of the Spectacle'']] (1967)

* [The] premise is that Kennedy was a very good president, and might have been a great one if he’d lived. Few serious historians take this view … In reality, the kindest interpretation of Kennedy’s presidency is that he was a mediocrity whose death left his final grade as “incomplete.” The harsher view would deem him a near disaster — ineffective in domestic policy, evasive on civil rights and a serial blunderer in foreign policy, who barely avoided a nuclear war that his own brinksmanship had pushed us toward … We confuse charisma with competence, rhetoric with results, celebrity with genuine achievement.
** [[w:Ross Douthat|Ross Douthat]] [http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/27/opinion/sunday/Douthat-The-Enduring-Cult-of-Kennedy.html?_r=0 ''The Enduring Cult of Kennedy''], ''New York Times'', November 26, 2011.
[[File:Dr Steven Greer Picwiki.jpg|thumb|President Kennedy was assassinated for a constellation of related issues: [[UFOs]] and extraterrestrial intelligence are part of a set of problems that include the world banking system, the intelligence directorates, this shadowy group that controls our society through interlocking corporate, financial and institutional interests and corrupt corporate interests in military and government affairs. ~[[Steven M. Greer]] ]]
*President Kennedy was assassinated for a constellation of related issues: [[UFOs]] and extraterrestrial intelligence are part of a set of problems that include the world banking system, the intelligence directorates, this shadowy group that controls our society through interlocking corporate, financial and institutional interests and corrupt corporate interests in military and government affairs. Jack Kennedy knew a great deal about this and was going to take decisive actions to try to correct it. He was going to rein in the military industrial complex. He was going to make peace with the Soviets; he was going to end the Cold War. In short, he was going to upset the fascist apple cart. And you have to understand that Jack Kennedy also was bright enough to know that Marilyn Monroe was murdered because she was going to talk about some of the things he had told her about ETs and related issues.
**[[Steven M. Greer]] in [https://archive.org/details/HiddenTruthForbiddenKnowledgeStevenM.Greer/page/n1 ''Hidden Truth Forbidden Knowledge,''] (2013)

*Jack Kennedy, as I understand it from my sources, was in the process, in the fall of 1963, of putting through the federal system an executive order that would have altered the dynamics of many of these projects. He was very much in favor of virtually dissolving the CIA. He wanted the UFO matter disclosed and the technologies used to benefit humanity He wanted to change the course we were taking in Vietnam. Well, this rogue entity was not going to let all this happen. He was, of course, assassinated before these changes could be effected.
**[[Steven M. Greer]] in [https://archive.org/details/HiddenTruthForbiddenKnowledgeStevenM.Greer/page/n1 ''Hidden Truth Forbidden Knowledge,''] (2013)

*John Fitzgerald Kennedy, 35th President of the United States, has been taken from us by an act which outrages decent men everywhere. He upheld the faith of our fathers, which is freedom for all men. He broadened the frontiers of that faith, and backed it with the energy and the courage which are the mark of the Nation he led. A man of wisdom, strength, and peace, he moulded and moved the power of our Nation in the service of a world of growing liberty and order. All who love freedom will mourn his death. As he did not shrink from his responsibilities, but welcomed them, so he would not have us shrink from carrying on his work beyond [[w:Assassination of John F. Kennedy|this hour of national tragedy]]. [...] I earnestly recommend the people [...] to pay their homage of love and reverence to the memory of '''a great and good man'''.
** [[Lyndon B. Johnson]], [[s:Proclamation 3561|Lyndon B. Johnson declaration upon John F. Kennedy's assassination]] (1963)

*The greatest leader of our time has been struck down by the foulest deed of our time. Today 'John Fitzgerald Kennedy lives on in the immortal words and works that he left behind. He lives on in the mind and memories of mankind. He lives on in the hearts of his countrymen. No words are sad enough to express our sense of loss. No words are strong enough to express our determination to continue the forward thrust of America that he began. The dream of conquering the vastness of space — the dream of partnership across the Atlantic — and across the Pacific as well-the dream of a Peace Corps in less developed nations — the dream of education for all of our children — the dream of jobs for all who seek them and need them — the dream of care for our elderly — the dream of an all-out attack on mental illness — and above all, the dream of equal rights for all Americans, whatever their race or color — these and other American dreams have been vitalized by his drive and by his dedication. And now the ideas and the ideals which he so nobly represented must and will be translated into effective action.
** [[Lyndon B. Johnson]], [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=25988&st=&st1= ''Address Before a Joint Session of the Congress'' (27 November 1963)

* Courage is the virtue that President Kennedy most admired. He sought out those people who had demonstrated in some way, whether it was on a battlefield or a baseball diamond, in a speech or fighting for a cause, that they had courage that they would stand up, that they could be counted on.
** [[Robert F. Kennedy]], [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations/Profiles-in-Courage-quotations.aspx ''1964 Memorial Edition of ''Profiles in Courage,'' Foreword by Robert F. Kennedy, p. 9]

* But if there was one thing that 'President Kennedy stood for that touched the most profound feeling of young people around the world, it was the belief that idealism, high aspirations, and deep convictions are not incompatible with the most practical and efficient of programs — that there is no basic inconsistency between ideals and realistic possibilities, no separation between the deepest desires of heart and of mind and the rational application of human effort to human problems.
** [[Robert F. Kennedy]], [[Robert_F._Kennedy#Day_of_Affirmation_Address_.281966.29|Day of Affirmation Address]] (1966).

*In the Vietnam War, the leaders of the White House claimed at the time that it was a necessary and crucial war, and during it, [[Donald Rumsfeld]] and his aides murdered two million villagers. And when Kennedy took over the presidency and deviated from the general line of policy drawn up for the White House and wanted to stop this unjust war, that angered the owners of the major corporations who were benefiting from its continuation. And so Kennedy was killed, and al-Qaida wasn't present at that time, but rather, those corporations were the primary beneficiary from his killing. And the war continued after that for approximately one decade. But after it became clear to you that it was an unjust and unnecessary war, you made one of your greatest mistakes, in that you neither brought to account nor punished those who waged this war, not even the most violent of its murderers, Rumsfeld.
**[[Osama bin Laden]], as quoted in [http://www.notpopular.com/board/viewtopic.php?topic=45940&forum=11&17 ''Not Popular''].

* Kennedy's posthumous reputation has undergone an extraordinary series of metamorphoses. As could have been predicted, the first revaluation of his character and achievement was almost as depressing as the conspiracy theories; his ''histoire amoureuse'' was being touted around before the first blade of grass had grown on his grave, and soon every whore in America was announcing that he had enjoyed her favours.
**[[Bernard Levin]], "The Last Hurrah", ''The Times'', November 21, 1988.

* And none so poor to do it reverence. What happened? Surely something did, for that portrait of Kennedy can hardly be recognised from the version we have today. He is now widely thought of, when he is thought of at all, as either an earlier model of President Carter, all goodwill and muddle, or a belligerent adventurer likely to follow the Bay of Pigs fiasco with an unprovoked nuclear strike on Moscow. Was it all show and froth, good looks and rhetoric? I do not believe it. In the first place, Kennedy was not a liberal in the Carter mode (let alone the Dukakis version); it would almost be closer to the reality to say that he was a liberal in the sense of the Manchester school.
**Ibid.

* Kennedy would have ordered nuclear retaliation on Cuba — and perhaps the Soviet Union — if nuclear weapons had been fired at United States forces.
** [[Robert McNamara]], U.S. secretary of defense under President John F. Kennedy, according to ''The New York Times''; ''On the Brink of Nuclear War'', ''Awake!'' magazine, May 22, 1992.

* Nikita Krushchev's eagerness to challenge U.S. interests around the world contributed to the spread of the Cold War in the Middle East, East Asia, Latin America, and even Africa. Krushchev's aggressiveness was motivated not only by a desire to take advantage of an opportunity to expand Soviet influence but also by the perceived Soviet need to fend off a growing challenge by China for leadership of the communist movement. Krushchev's willingness to engage the United States in a nuclear arms race was motivated primarily by his realization that the Soviet Union, despite the continuing development of its nuclear arsenal, was still vulnerable to an American nuclear strike. He undoubtedly believed that the best defense is a good offense and that a forward policy would conceal Soviet nuclear weakness while serving to pressure the West to resolve issues, such as Berlin, to the satisfaction of the Soviet Union. Krushchev's aggressiveness also made Soviet-American reconciliation impossible during the 1950s.
** Ronald Powaski, ''The Cold War: The United States and the Soviet Union, 1917-1991'' (1998), p. 133-134

* Krushchev's public rhetoric also made Soviet-American reconciliation difficult, if not impossible, early in Kennedy's presidency. On January 6, 1961, the Soviet leader declared his country would support "wars of national liberation" in the underdeveloped world. Krushchev's declaration, wrote the president's confidante and historian Arthur Schlesinger, Jr., "alarmed Kennedy more than Moscow's amiable signals assuaged him." Although Kennedy was willing to negotiate an end to the Cold War, the Third World challenge which Krushchev threw at him would have to be dealt with first.
** Ronald Powaski, ''The Cold War: The United States and the Soviet Union, 1917-1991'' (1998), p. 135

* In the opinion of another historian, Bruce Miroff, Kennedy's reaction to Krushchev's blustering revealed an acute inferiority complex, which the president manifested by a perverse need to prove his leadership capabilities. As a result, rather than ignoring or minimizing Krushchev's threats, as Eisenhower usually did, Kennedy personalized them and converted them into tests of will, in the process manufacturing crises that need not have been. "There was really nothing in that [Eisenhower] era comparable to the Berlin crisis of 1961 and the Cuban missile crisis of 1962," Miroff observes, both of which represented the closest approaches to a superpower nuclear war during the Cold War. For whatever reasons, whether they were primarily ideological, political, or psychological- and all were important- in formulating his initial response to the Soviet Union Kennedy chose to emphasize Krushchev's bellicose actions rather than his friendly gestures. Only after Kennedy had proved to the Soviet leader that he was not soft on communism would diplomacy make any headway during his presidency.
** Ronald Powaski, ''The Cold War: The United States and the Soviet Union, 1917-1991'' (1998), p. 136

* Kennedy was praised nationwide, even by his Republican critics, for his masterly handling of the Cuban missile crisis, a response Schlesinger characterized as a "combination of toughness and restraint." Yet few discussed what could have happened had he failed. Historian Louise FitzSimons points out what many preferred not to think about: "In the flush of success and relief from danger, Kennedy was determined to force Krushchev's total capitulation- no matter the cost." During the height of the crisis, the president himself placed the likelihood of disaster at "somewhere between one out of three and even," and lamented that the world's children might not live out their lives. Ironically, the enhanced short-term prestige that Kennedy experienced in the wake of the Cuban missile crisis only produced greater long-term insecurity for his country. The humiliation Krushchev suffered at the hands of Kennedy during the missile crisis contributed to his removal from power in October 1964. The new Soviet leadership, headed by Leonid Brezhnev, was determined to avoid a repetition of the humiliation Krushchev had experienced. Beginning in early 1965, the Kremlin embarked on a massive expansion of the Soviet nuclear arsenal that would enable the Soviet Union to achieve nuclear parity with the United States by the end of the decade. in addition, Kennedy's triumph in the Cuban missile crisis contributed to the development of what historian William J. Medland has called an "arrogance of power," a belief that the United States had the communists on the run. This new attitude helped to explain the growing U.S. involvement in Vietnam.
** Ronald Powaski, ''The Cold War: The United States and the Soviet Union, 1917-1991'' (1998), p. 144

* The Cuban missile crisis also had beneficial consequences. The close brush with nuclear war helped create a climate for productive arms control negotiations, which had not existed since the abortive Paris summit of May 1960. Attempting to reduce tensions with the West, Krushchev, on December 19, 1962, sent Kennedy a personal letter inviting him to intensify the effort to conclude a nuclear test ban treaty. With the humiliation of the Bay of Pigs fiasco erased by his astute performance during the Cuban missile crisis, and sobered by the close superpower approach to nuclear war, Kennedy accepted Krushchev's invitation. Six months later, Kennedy delivered the most conciliatory speech on the Soviet Union of his career. In a commencement address at American University on June 10, 1963, he called on Americans to reexamine their attitudes toward the Soviet Union. "In the final analysis," he told his audience, "we all inhabit this small planet... And we are all mortal." Kennedy called on the American people to support his effort to conclude a nuclear test ban agreement. It would be an initial step toward preserving the life of the planet. As a sign of good faith in the ultimate success of the test ban talks, Kennedy announced that the United States would not conduct atmospheric nuclear tests as long as the Soviet Union employed similar restraint.
** Ronald Powaski, ''The Cold War: The United States and the Soviet Union, 1917-1991'' (1998), p. 144-145

* Despite the limited nature of Kennedy's philosophical transformation after the Cuban missile crisis, his American University speech nevertheless had an extremely favorable impact on the Soviet leadership. Krushchev told Averell Harriman that it was the best speech delivered by a U.S. president since Franklin Roosevelt. In response, on June 20 the Soviet signed a "hot line" agreement, which established a direct teletype link between Moscow and Washington. The agreement was designed to reduce the risks of an accidental nuclear was as well as ease tensions during international crises.
** Ronald Powaski, ''The Cold War: The United States and the Soviet Union, 1917-1991'' (1998), p. 145

* Shouldn't someone tag Mr. Kennedy's "bold new imaginative" program with its proper age? Under the tousled boyish haircut it is still old Karl Marx — first launched a century ago. There is nothing new in the idea of a government being Big Brother to us all. Hitler called his "State Socialism" and way before him it was "benevolent monarchy."
** [[Ronald Reagan]] in a 1960 letter to the GOP presidential candidate [[Richard Nixon]], quoted in Matthew Dallek's ''The Right Moment: Ronald Reagan's First Victory and the Decisive Turning Point in American Politics'' (2000), p. 38

*Yet another universally held conviction [among Europeans is that] Americans make it a point of honor to elect only mental defectives as Presidents. From the Missouri tie salesman [[Harry Truman]] to the Texas cretin [[George W. Bush]], not to mention the peanut farmer [[Jimmy Carter]] and the B-movie actor [[Ronald Reagan]], the White House offers us a gallery of nincompoops. Only John F. Kennedy, in the eyes of the French, rose a little above this undistinguished bunch, probably because he had the merit of having married [[Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis|someone of French extraction]]; naturally, this union could not fail to raise President Kennedy's intelligence to at least average level — but doubtless still too high for his fellow citizens, who never forgave him and ended up assassinating him.
** [[Jean-François Revel]], "[http://eeyore.uh.cz/wp-content/themes/bk/stuff/anti-american%20obsession.pdf Europe's Anti-American Obsession]" (2003)

* Jack ought to show a little less profile and a little more courage.
** Former First Lady [[Eleanor Roosevelt]], quoted in [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_C._Humes James C. Humes's] ''My Fellow Americans: Presidential Addresses that Shaped History'' (1992).

*There was a civil war in this country... Kennedy provoked such hostility and hatred. His death was cheered in the South because of his support for Martin Luther King. He was moving to change things on all fronts. He was starting to end the [[Cold War]]. He made a deal with Khruschev and Russia in 1962 to end the missile crisis, and he furthered the deal when he signed the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty in 1963. He installed the Hot Line. He... described the Soviets for the first time in American history as mortals, like us, who care about their children. He seemed to have an expanding vision of the world, much like Gorbachev did in Russia in the '80s. *People in power are afraid to ask the obvious questions. From Day 1, they accepted the cover story that Oswald did it [assassinated JFK] alone. Oswald said he was the patsy. A lot of people believed him, but not the [[establishment]]. Since that day, the media has chanted the mantra that Oswald did it alone. But the American public, which has been brainwashed with that for 28 years, has never accepted it. They smell a rat.
**[[Oliver Stone]] in [https://www.rogerebert.com/interviews/oliver-stone-defends-jfk-against-conspiracy-of-dunces ''Oliver Stone Defends 'JFK' against conspirancy Dunces by Roger Ebert Interviews''] 22 December 1991

* I was charmed and delighted by Kennedy personally, and certainly he was intelligent. But any man who gave us an invasion of Cuba, a missile crisis, and the war in Vietnam in 1,000 days — give him another 1,000 days, and we would be irradiated atoms in space. No, he was a mistake as president.
** [[Gore Vidal]], quoted in ''I Told You So: Gore Vidal Talks Politics: Interviews with Jon Wiener'' (2013).

*He was in my view the most dangerous cold warrior that we have had since the end of World War II.
** Historian [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Walton Richard Walton], "Kennedy Remembered", ''Newsweek'', November 28, 1983.

* John Kennedy, in his youth and good looks, brought a new generation to replace the dour faces of the Eisenhower administration, and added social glamour and greater public-relations skills to the presidency's power. He was the first president for whom television- particularly his witty and informative news conferences, broadcast live- became a calculated political instrument. In his term, too, the president's responsibility for managing the national economy was acknowledged and accepted. Kennedy's brief tenure, coinciding with the apogee of American power in the world, made him a sort of young emperor; and his murder was doubly shocking because Americans, by 1963, considered their president somehow preeminent over mere mortals, as superior as the nation itself, thus lacking ordinary human vulnerability.
** Tom Wicker, ''One Of Us: Richard Nixon and the American Dream'' (1991), p. 677

== See also ==
* [[JFK_(film)]] by [[Oliver Stone]]
* [[Jim Garrison]]
* [[List of Presidents of the United States]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wikisource author}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.whitehouse.gov/history/presidents/jk35.html The White House Biography]
* [http://www.jfklibrary.org/ John F. Kennedy Library]
* {{nndb name|113/000024041}}
* [http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/jfkhoustonministers.html Address to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association, at the Rice Hotel in Houston, Texas ([[12 September]] [[1960]])]
* [http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/jfkinaugural.htm Video, Audio, Text of John F. Kennedy's Inaugural Address]
* [http://honors.umd.edu/HONR269J/archive/JFK630610.html World Peace Speech at The American University ([[10 June]] [[1963]])]
* [https://www.famouspeoplequote.com/john-f-kennedy-quotes/ John F. Kennedy Quotes]
* [http://www.nps.gov/jofi/ John F. Kennedy Birthplace National Historic Site]
* [http://search.yale.edu:8765/query.html?col=ycsg&col=opa&col=yaleuniv&col=dynamic&qt=John+F.+Kennedy&charset=iso-8859-1&qp=%2Burl%3Awww.yale.edu%2Flawweb%2Favalon JFK at the Avalon Project]
* [http://www.whitehousetapes.org/pages/tapes_jfk.htm JFK's Secret White House Recordings @ University of Virginia's Miller Center of Public Affairs]
* [http://web.archive.org/web/20011111050047/http://www.state.gov/r/pa/ho/frus/kennedyjf/ Kennedy Administration Official Documentary Historical Record of Major Foreign Policy Decisions]
* [http://www.heraldrysociety.us/presidents/index.php?page=Kennedy Armigerous American Presidents Series]
* [http://www.popeducation.org/ The JFK Years And Popular Culture]
* [http://vvl.lib.msu.edu/showfindingaid.cfm?findaidid=KennedyJF Audio clips of Kennedy's speeches and other commentary]
* [http://masteroftheuniverse.be/home/index.php/index.php/content/view/20/ JFK Reloaded — Recreate the assassination of JFK]
* [http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6815620069281926168&q=innerviews InnerVIEWS with Ernie Manouse: Nelley Connally (TV Interview with an eye witness of the Kennedy assassination)]
* [http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/JFKindex.htm Assassination of President Kennedy Encyclopaedia]
* [http://mcadams.posc.mu.edu/home.htm McAdams website about JFK]
* [http://www.csicop.org/si/2005-01/strange-world.html Facts and Fiction in the Kennedy Assassination]
* [http://www.rootdig.com/john_f_kennedy.html John F. Kennedy in United States Census Records]
* [http://www.doctorzebra.com/prez/g35.htm Medical and Health history of John F. Kennedy]
* {{gutenberg author|id=John+F.+Kennedy|name=John F. Kennedy}}
* [http://mcadams.posc.mu.edu/stjohn.htm St. John the Liberal?]
* [http://bioguide.congress.gov/scripts/biodisplay.pl?index=K000107 Biographical Directory of the U.S. Congress]
* [http://www.soundboard.com/sb/John_F_Kennedy_JFK.aspx John F. Kennedy Audio Soundboard]
* [http://www.kcur.org/UTDarchive.html Gretchen Rubin radio interview: [[November 4]], [[2005]] on ''Up To Date'']
* [http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/american_originals_iv/sections/jfk_inaugural_address.html John F. Kennedy's inaugural address: from the National Archives]
* [http://www.americanpresidents.org/presidents/president.asp?PresidentNumber=34 Presidents of the United States]
* [http://www.archive.org/search.php?query=creator%3A%22John%20F.%20Kennedy%22 Archive.org collection of audio recordings]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Kennedy, John Fitzgerald}}
[[Category:Presidents of the United States]]
[[Category:1917 births]]
[[Category:1963 deaths]]
[[Category:People from Boston]]
[[Category:Politicians from the United States]]
[[Category:United States presidential candidates, 1960]]
[[Category:Democratic Party (United States) politicians]]
[[Category:Members of the United States Senate]]
[[Category:Members of the United States House of Representatives]]
[[Category:Journalists from the United States]]
[[Category:Anti-communists from the United States]]
[[Category:Catholics from the United States]]
[[Category:Murdered people]]
[[Category:Harvard University alumni]]

White Heat

2019-01-03T03:28:39Z

StjJackson:

{{italic title}}
[[File:James Cagney in White Heat trailer.jpg|thumb|Made it, Ma! Top of the world!]]
'''''[[w:White Heat|White Heat]]''''' is [[w:1949 in film|1949 film]] about a psychopathic criminal with a mother complex who makes a daring break from prison and leads his old gang in a chemical plant payroll heist. It is considered one of the classic [[w:gangster|gangster]] films and was added to the [[w:National Film Registry|National Film Registry]] in 2003 as being "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant" by the United States [[w:Library of Congress|Library of Congress]].
:''Directed by [[w:Raoul Walsh|Raoul Walsh]]. Written by [[w:Ivan Goff|Ivan Goff]] and [[w:Ben Roberts (writer)|Ben Roberts]] based on a story by [[w:Virginia Kellogg|Virginia Kellogg]].''
<center>'''Pick up the pieces folks, Jimmy's in action again!'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]</center>

== Arthur "Cody" Jarrett ==
* You know something, Verna, if I turn my back for long enough for Big Ed to put a hole in it, there'd be a hole in it. ''[he laughs]'' Big Ed ... great big Ed. Y'know why they call 'im that? 'Cause his ideas are big. One day he's gonna get a really big one ... about me. And it'll be his last.

* You're just lonesome, lonesome, like me...Verna? All I ever had was Ma...I was, uh, I was just walkin' around out there talkin' to mine...well, my old lady never had anything, always on the run, always on the move - some life. First there was my old man, died kickin' and screamin' in a nuthouse. Then my brother. And after that, it was takin' care of me. Always tryin' to put me on top. Top of the world, she used to say. And then, times when I was losin' my grip, there she'd be right behind me, pushin' me back up again. And now...That was a good feelin' out there, talkin' to her, just me and Ma. Good feelin'. Liked it. Maybe I ''am'' nuts.

* '''Made it, Ma! Top of the world!'''
**''Note: ranked #18 in the [[w:AFI's 100 Years... 100 Movie Quotes|American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations]] in American cinema''.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Big Ed''': We gotta blow outta here.
:'''Cotton''': Cody calls chargin' roadblocks 'unscientific.'
:'''Big Ed''': It ain't safe havin' a crackpot givin' orders. About time somebody took over.
:'''Cotton''': Who, for instance?
:'''Big Ed''': A very good friend of mine. Me.
:'''Cotton''': Where d'ya want the body sent?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ma Jarrett''': ''[about Cody's headaches]'' It's these mountains, Cody. It's not good for ya. Cold all the time. Can't breathe air. Let's get out, Son.
:'''Cody''': I'm all right now.
:'''Ma Jarrett''': Is it going?
:'''Cody''': Yeah.
:'''Ma Jarrett''': Are you sure?
:'''Cody''': Yeah....it's like having a red hot buzz-saw inside my head.
:'''Ma Jarrett''': ''[stopping him from walking out]'' No, not yet, Son. Don't let 'em see you like that. Might give some of 'em ideas.
:'''Cody''': ''[sitting in his mother's lap]'' You're always thinkin' about your Cody, aren't ya?
:'''Ma Jarrett''': That's right. ''[She rises and pours him a drink of whiskey]'' Top of the world, Son.
:'''Cody''': Don't know what I'd do without ya, Ma. ''[He downs the drink]''
:'''Ma''': Better?
:'''Cody''': Oh yeah.
:'''Ma''': Now go on out. Show 'em you're all right.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Verna''': Why don't ya keep it all?...Why don't ya? We could travel, buy things. That's what money's for. I'd look good in a mink coat, honey.
:'''Cody''': You'd look good in a shower curtain.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cody''': The T-men have tied him in with us on the tunnel job...I dunno how they did it. Somebody must have tipped 'em.
:'''Verna''': There's always somebody tipped 'em. Never the cops are smart.
:'''Cody''': ''[about his Ma leaving]'' We have enough food in the house for a week. What did she have to go out for?
:'''Verna''': You like strawberries, don't ya? Well, she just had to get some ''for her boy''.
:''[Cody kicks her chair out from under her]''

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Verna''': ''[hiding out at a drive-in movie]'' This is great, but where do we go after the second feature?
:'''Cody''': You're staying put. I'm the only one goin' anyplace.
:'''Ma Jarrett''': Where, Cody?
:'''Cody''': To give myself up.
:'''Ma Jarrett''': What are you talking about? You haven't a chance. Four dead - it'll be the gas chamber for sure.
:'''Cody''': You don't think I'm dumb enough to give myself up to the T-men, do ya?
:'''Verna''': What's the difference? You walk into the cops and ''they'' turn ya over.
:'''Cody''': I pulled that Springfield heist - not Scratch Morton. I'm goin' up to Illinois and take a state rap. I'll get two years at the most...I couldn't be in both places at once, could I? Little thing I cooked up before we pulled the tunnel job.
:'''Ma Jarrett''': You're the smartest there is, Cody.
:'''Verna''': Sure it's smart, but what about me? What do I do for the next two years?
:'''Ma Jarrett''': Same as ya did before he married you.
:'''Cody''': You better not, baby. I'll be back.
:''' Verna''': I'll be waiting for you, honey. You can trust me.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Fallon''': You put it on a pole, wind a spool of silk thread around it, and you hold the pole over the water. Then you sit under a nice shady tree and relax. After a while, a hungry fish comes along, takes a nip at your hook, and you've got dinner. For the next two weeks, I'm not gonna think about anything except the eternal struggle between man and the fish. I've been promised a vacation. You remember?
:'''Evans''': Sorry, Hank, that's out.
:'''Fallon''': Look at me. College degree, lovable personality, and I spend most of my time in prison, an undercover specialist. Eight sentences in five years! ...Sing-Sing, Leavenworth. I joined the Department to put criminals behind bars - and here I am, stir crazy!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Fallon''': A hoodlum turns himself in on a phony rap and beats the gas chamber. I'll betcha he's thumbing his nose at Uncle Sam right now and loving it. Jarrett outsmarted you!
:'''Evans''': That's just what we want him to think. We're working with the Springfield police. We arranged for the confession to check. So what happens? Jarrett does a stretch in the penitentiary - and in case he gets lonely, wants to talk to someone, we're gonna let one of our own boys do a stretch right in the same cell...You'll be one of Jarrett's cellmates. Stick with him until you find out where he unloaded three hundred thousand dollars in federal currency without a single bill showing up. Also, try to learn the identity of the very special fence that engineered this deal.
:'''Fallon''': How does he operate?
:'''Evans''': Buy stolen money here at thirty-four cents on the dollar. Peddles it on the European black market for - who knows how much. No questions asked. Sweet racket.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Evans''': This job isn't gonna be like any of your others, Hank. You see, there's insanity in the Jarretts, and some of it rubbed off on Cody. His father died in an institution...When he was a kid, he used to fake headaches in order to get his mother's attention away from the rest of the family. It worked. As he grew up, the fancied headaches became real, until now they tear him to pieces. Any minute, he's apt to crack open at the seams. And there goes our case. So you'll be workin' against time...Except that Cody's not an easy guy to get close to in a hurry. The only person he's ever cared about or trusted is his mother. No one else has ever made a dent, not even his wife. His mother's been the prop that's held him up. He's got a fierce, psychopathic devotion for her. All his life, whenever he got in a spot, he just put out his hand and there was Ma Jarrett. Without her, maybe Cody'd - just like his old man.
:'''Fallon''': You mean I'm supposed to take Mama's place?
:'''Evans''': You can never tell. He might need someone.
:'''Fallon''': I'll practice up on my lullabies.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ma Jarrett''': I'm the one to tell ya. It's Big Ed and Verna. They run out. It's my fault, Cody. I let you down. I said I'd take care of things. But I let you down. I saw it comin'. I didn't think he'd have the guts.
:'''Cody''': Forget it, Ma, forget it. It was in the cards for Big Ed to make his try.
:'''Ma Jarrett''': Don't you care?
:'''Cody''': Sure. What's mine is mine. I ain't gonna have it make me sick. I'll take care of 'em when I get out.
:'''Ma Jarrett''': That's what I told myself. And I'll help ya Cody, like always. You'll be out soon, back on top of the world.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Parker''': You got me wrong, Cody. I got nothin' against you. It was Big Ed. He told me to do it. You wouldn't kill me in cold blood, would ya?
:'''Cody''': No, I'll let ya warm up a little.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Big Ed''': Now take it easy, baby. We're ready for him when he comes.
:'''Verna''': I can't stand another night, Ed, listenin', goin' crazy. It ain't just like waitin' for some human being who wants to kill ya. Cody ain't human. Fill him full of lead and he'll still come at ya.
:'''Big Ed''': Plug him and he drops, same as anybody else.
:'''Verna''': The boys didn't think so. Why did they beat it down to San Berdoo?
:'''Big Ed''': Because they know this is between me and Cody. They'll be back when it's over.
:'''Verna''': You'll be dead.
:'''Big Ed''': Maybe so. The time comes when a man's gotta stop runnin' away and face things. Or else go on runnin' for good.
:'''Verna''': All right! Throw your life away! Stay here and shoot it out. Me? I'm goin'. I wanta live.
:'''Big Ed''': Cody might have some ideas about that.
:'''Verna''': I'll go someplace he'll never find me.
:'''Big Ed''': The world ain't big enough, sugar, not when he finds out what you did to his Ma.
:'''Verna''': You'd tell him?
:'''Big Ed''': If you run out on me, why not?
:'''Verna''': But I only did it for you, Ed. She had you covered.
:'''Big Ed''': Cody still ain't gonna like to hear that she got it in the back. Feel more like stayin' now?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Verna''': Cody, my radio won't work.
:'''Cody''': Whuddya want for it, unemployment insurance?
:'''Verna''': Can't I go down to San Berdoo and get it fixed?
:'''Cod'''y: Nobody leaves here unless I say so. Now you... ''[terrified, she flinches and recoils as he gestures toward her face]'' - whatsa matter, baby? I'm not gonna hurt ya. ''[He kisses her]'' Go and read your comic books. Good girl.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Creel''': Hey Cody, that guy's a copper.
:'''Cody''': What?
:'''Creel''': He's a T-man. I know him. His name is Fallon.
:'''Cody''': Are you sure?
:'''Creel''': Yeah. He pinched me four years ago.
:'''Fallon''': ''[pointing a shotgun at the men]'' Don't go for your guns.
:'''Cody''': A copper! A copper! How d'ya like that, boys? A copper. And his name is Fallon. ''[He begins to laugh hysterically]'' And we went for it. ''I'' went for it. Treated him like a kid brother. And I was gonna split fifty-fifty with a copper. Maybe they're waitin' to pin a medal on him.
:'''Fallon''': Solid gold. Come on, get up, get your hands up.
:'''Cody''': Yeah, that's it. A nice gold medal for the copper. Only maybe he's gonna get it sooner than he thinks.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Evans''': Cody Jarrett.
:'''Fallon''': He finally got to the top of the world. And it blew right up in his face.

== Cast ==
* [[James Cagney]] - Arthur "Cody" Jarrett
* [[w:Virginia Mayo|Virginia Mayo]] - Verna Jarrett
* [[w:Edmond O'Brien|Edmond O'Brien]] - Hank Fallon aka "Vic Pardo"
* [[w:Margaret Wycherly|Margaret Wycherly]] - "Ma" Jarrett
* [[w:Steve Cochran|Steve Cochran]] - "Big Ed" Somers
* [[w:Ford Rainey|Ford Rainey]] - Zuckie
* [[w:John Archer (actor)|John Archer]] - Philip Evans
* [[w:Wally Cassell|Wally Cassell]] - "Cotton" Valletti
* [[w:Fred Clark|Fred Clark]] - Daniel "The Trader" Winston
* [[w:Ian MacDonald (actor)|Ian MacDonald]] - "Bo" Creel
* [[w:Paul Guilfoyle (actor born in 1902)|Paul Guilfoyle]] - Roy Parker
* G. Pat Collins - "Reader" Curtin
* Fred Coby - "Happy" Taylor

== Taglines ==
* Pick up the pieces folks, Jimmy's in action again!
* Searing the screen like the death-blast of a sub-machine gun!!!
* JAMES CAGNEY in His New Warner Bros. Hit
* JAMES CAGNEY is red hot in "WHITE HEAT"
* His New Hit from Warner Bros.
* New hit! - New heights!
* JAMES CAGNEY IS RED HOT IN "WHITE HEAT"
* JAMES CAGNEY in his new Warner hit "White Heat"
* A Warner Bros. ''Smash'' Hit!

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|id=0042041|title=White Heat}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=white_heat|title=White Heat}}
* [http://www.filmsite.org/whit.html ''White Heat''] at [[w:Filmsite.org|Filmsite.org]]

[[Category:1949 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Crime thriller films]]
[[Category:Film noir]]

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

2018-05-11T23:40:51Z

StjJackson:

{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Star Wars: The Last Jedi|Star Wars: The Last Jedi]]''''' (also known as '''''Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi''''') is a 2017 American epic space opera film written and directed by [[w:Rian Johnson|Rian Johnson]]. It is the second film in the ''[[Star Wars]]'' sequel trilogy, following '''''[[Star Wars: The Force Awakens]]''''' (2015).

{{film-stub}}

==Opening crawl==
* The FIRST ORDER reigns. Having decimated the peaceful Republic, Supreme Leader Snoke now deploys his merciless legions to seize military control of the galaxy. Only General Leia Organa's band of RESISTANCE fighters stand against the rising tyranny, certain that Jedi Master Luke Skywalker will return and restore a spark of hope to the fight. But the Resistance has been exposed. As the First Order speeds toward the Rebel base, the brave heroes mount a desperate escape....

==Luke Skywalker==
* Breathe. Just breathe. Now reach out. What do you see?
* ''[about Ben Solo]'' I saw darkness. I sensed it building in him. I'd seen it in moments during his training. But then I looked inside, and it was beyond what I ever imagined. Snoke had already turned his heart. He would bring destruction, pain, death, and the end of everything I love because of what he will become. And for the briefest moment of pure instinct, I thought I could stop it. It passed like a fleeting shadow. And I was left with shame and with consequence. And the last thing I saw were the eyes of a frightened boy whose Master had failed him.

==General Leia Organa==
* ''[to Luke]'' I know what you're gonna say. I've changed my hair.

==Rey==
* Light. Darkness. The balance.

==Poe Dameron==
* We are the spark that'll light the fire that'll burn the First Order down.

==Supreme Leader Snoke==
* My worthy apprentice, son of darkness, heir apparent to Lord Vader. Where there was conflict, I now sense resolve. Where there was weakness, strength. Complete your training, and fulfill your destiny.
* ''[last words]'' You think you can turn him? Pathetic child. I cannot be betrayed; I cannot be beaten. I see his mind, I see his every intent. Yes. I see him turning the lightsaber to strike true. ''[Prophetically, Ren turns Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber towards him with the Force]'' And now, foolish child, he ignites it, and kills his true enemy! ''[Prophetically, Ren ignites the Skywalker lightsaber kill Snoke]''
==Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo==
* When I served under Leia, she always told me: "Hope is like the sun. If you only believe in it when you can see it, you'll never make it through the night."
* Four hundred of us on three ships. We're the very last of the Resistance. But we're not alone. In every corner of the galaxy, the downtrodden and oppressed know our symbol and they put their hope in it. We are the spark that will light the fire that will restore the Republic. That spark, this Resistance, must survive. That is our mission. Now to your stations, and may the Force be with us.

==DJ==
* Finn, let me learn you something big: It's all a machine, partner. Live free. Don't join.

==Dialogue==
:'''BB-8''': ''[beeping]'' I've got a bad feeling about this.
:'''Poe Dameron''': Happy beeps here, buddy, come on. We've pulled crazier stunts than this.
:'''General Leia Organa''': Just for the record, Commander Dameron, I'm with the droid on this one.
:'''Poe''': Thank you for your support, General. Happy beeps.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Poe''': This is Commander Poe Dameron of the Republic fleet. I have an urgent communique for General Hugs.
:'''General Hux''': This is General Hux of the First Order. The Republic is no more. Your fleet are Rebel scum and war criminals. Tell your precious princess there will be no terms, there will be no surrender—
:'''Poe''': Hi, I'm holding for General Hugs.
:'''Hux''': This is Hux. You and your friends are doomed. We will wipe your filth from the galaxy!
:'''Poe''': ''[pauses]'' Okay, I'll hold.
:'''Hux''': Hello?
:'''Poe''': Hello? Yup, I'm still here.
:'''Hux''': Can you— can he hear me?
:'''Poe''': Hugs?
:'''Captain Canady''': ''[a First Order monitor nods]'' He can.
:'''Poe''': With an 'H'? Skinny guy? Kinda pasty?
:'''Hux''': ''[becoming increasingly annoyed]'' I can hear you. Can you hear me?
:'''Poe''': Look, I can't hold forever. If you reach him, tell him Leia has an urgent message for him...
:'''Canady''': I believe he's tooling with you, sir.
:'''Poe''': ...about his mother.
:'''Hux''': ''[enraged]'' Open fire!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Supreme Leader Snoke''': ''[referring to General Hux]'' You wonder why I keep a rabid cur in such a place of power? A cur's weakness, properly manipulated, can be a sharp tool. How's your wound?
:'''Kylo Ren''': ''[Through damaged vocabulator]'' It's nothing.
:'''Snoke''': Hmm. The mighty Kylo Ren. When I found you, I saw what old masters live to see: raw, untamed power...and beyond that, something truly special. The potential of your bloodline. A new Vader...Now, I fear I was mistaken.
:'''Ren''': I've given everything I have to you...to the Dark Side...
:'''Snoke''': ''[referring to Ren's helmet]'' Take that ridiculous thing off. ''[Ren takes off his helmet, revealing his bandaged facial scar]'' Yes...there it is. You have too much of your father's heart in you, young Solo.
:'''Ren''': I ''killed'' Han Solo. When the moment came, I didn't hesitate!
:'''Snoke''': And look at you. The deed split your spirit to the bone. You were unbalanced, bested by a girl who had never held a lightsaber! You ''failed!'' ''[an enraged Ren tries to attack Snoke, but he blasts Force lightning into the ground which ricochets into Ren, blasting him back; the Praetorian guards draw their weapons in response]'' Skywalker lives! The seed of the Jedi Order lives! As long as he does...hope lives in the galaxy. I thought you would be the one to snuff it out. Alas, you are no Vader. You are just a child in a mask.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Luke Skywalker''': Where are you from?
:'''Rey''': Nowhere.
:'''Luke''': No one's from nowhere.
:'''Rey''': Jakku.
:'''Luke''': All right, that ''is'' pretty much nowhere. Why are you here, Rey from nowhere?
:'''Rey''': The Resistance sent me. The First Order has become unstoppable–
:'''Luke''': Why are ''you'' here?
:'''Rey''': Something inside me has always been there...but now it's awake, and I'm afraid. I don't know what it is, or what to do with it, but I need help.
:'''Luke''': You need a teacher. I can't teach you.
:'''Rey''': Why not? I've seen your daily routine; you are ''not'' busy.
:'''Luke''': I will never train another generation of Jedi. I came to this island to die. It's time for the Jedi...to end.
:'''Rey''': Why? Leia sent me here with hope. If she was wrong, she deserves to know why. We all do.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Luke''': What do you know about the Force?
:'''Rey''': It's a power the Jedi have that lets them control people and...make things float.
:'''Luke''': ... Impressive. Every word in that sentence was wrong.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Luke''': Breathe. Reach out with your feelings. What do you see?
:'''Rey''': The island. Life. Death and decay, that feeds new life. Warmth. Cold. Peace. Violence.
:'''Luke''': And between it all?
:'''Rey''': Balance and energy. A Force.
:'''Luke''': And inside you?
:'''Rey''': Inside me, that same Force.
:'''Luke''': And this is the lesson. That Force does not belong to the Jedi. To say that if the Jedi die, the light dies, is vanity. Can you feel that?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Luke''': ''[to R2-D2]'' There's nothing you can say to change my mind.
:''[R2-D2 plays Leia's message]''
:'''Leia''': General Kenobi, years ago you served my father during the Clone Wars...
:'''Luke''': ... That was a cheap move.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ren''': Why is the Force connecting us? You and I?
:'''Rey''': Murderous snake! You're too late. You lost! I found Skywalker!
:'''Ren''': Did he tell you what happened? The night I destroyed his temple, did he tell you why?
:'''Rey''': I know ''everything'' I need to know about you.
:'''Ren''': You do? Oh, you do. You have that look in your eyes, from the forest. You called me a monster.
:'''Rey''': You ''are'' a monster.
:'''Ren''': ''[pauses]'' Yes, I am.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Luke''': Lesson two. Now that they're extinct, the Jedi are romanticized, deified. But if you strip away the myth and look at their deeds, the legacy of the Jedi is failure. Hypocrisy, hubris.
:'''Rey''': That's not true!
:'''Luke''': At the height of their powers, they allowed Darth Sidious to rise, create the Empire, and wipe them out. It was a Jedi Master who was responsible for the training and creation of Darth Vader.
:'''Rey''': And a Jedi who saved him. Yes, the most hated man in the galaxy. But you saw there was conflict inside him. You believed that he wasn't gone. That he could be turned.
:'''Skywalker:''' And I became a legend. For many years, there was balance and then I saw Ben. My nephew with that mighty Skywalker blood. In my hubris, I thought I could train him, I could pass on my strengths. Han was Han was about it, but...Leia trusted me with her son. I took him, and a dozen students, and began a training temple. By the time I realized I was no match for the darkness rising in him, it was too late.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Rey''': Why did you hate your father? Give me an honest answer. You had a father who loved you; he gave a ''damn'' about you.
:'''Ren''': I didn't hate him.
:'''Rey''': Then ''why?''
:'''Ren''': "Why" what? ''[pauses]'' "Why" what? Say it.
:'''Rey''': ''[sobbing]'' Why did you...why did you kill him? I don't understand.
:'''Ren''': No. Your parents threw you away like garbage.
:'''Rey''': They ''didn't.''
:'''Ren''': They did, but you can't stop needing them. It's your greatest weakness. Looking for them everywhere, in Han Solo, and now in Skywalker. Did he tell you what happened that night?
:'''Rey''': Yes.
:'''Ren''': No. He'd sensed my power, as he senses yours, and he ''feared'' it...Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. That's the only way to become what you were meant to be.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Rey has returned to her hut after her ordeal in the Mirror Cave]''
:'''Rey''': I thought I'd find answers here. I was wrong. I've never felt so alone.
:'''Ren''': You're not alone.
:'''Rey''': Neither are you.
:''[Rey and Ren reach out to each other through the Force, but Luke notices them touching hands]''
:'''Luke''': ''[yells]'' STOP!
:''[Rey and Ren turn at Luke angrily; Luke uses the Force to push the hut apart. Rey searches for Ren, who has vanished]''
:'''Rey''': ''[turns to Luke]'' Is it true? Did you try to murder him?
:'''Luke''': Leave this island, now!
:''[Luke storms off into the rain. But Rey follows after him]''
:'''Rey''': Stop...STOP! ''[knocks Luke in the back of the head with her quarterstaff down]'' Did you do it? Did you create Kylo Ren? ''[the two proceed to fight each other along the cliffside until she gets the upper hand, forcing Luke into submission with Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber]'' Tell me the truth.
:'''Luke''': I saw darkness. I sensed it building in him. I'd seen it in moments during his training. But then I looked inside, and it was beyond what I ever imagined. Snoke had already turned his heart. He would bring destruction and pain and death, and the end of everything I love because of what he will become, and for the briefest moment of pure instinct, I thought I could stop it. It passed like a fleeting shadow, and I was left with shame and with consequence. And the last thing I saw were the eyes of a frightened boy whose Master had failed him.
:'''Rey''': You failed him by thinking his choice was made. It wasn't! There's still conflict in him. If he would turn from the Dark Side, that could shift the tide! This could be how we win!
:'''Luke''': This is ''not'' going to go the way you think!
:'''Rey''': It is. Just now, when we touched hands, I saw his future. As solid as I'm seeing you. If I go to him, Ben Solo ''will'' turn.
:'''Luke''': Rey...don't do this.
:'''Rey''': Then he is our last hope.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Luke''': So it is time for the Jedi Order to end?
:'''Yoda''': Time, it is...hmm, for you to look past a pile of old books, hmm?
:'''Luke''': The sacred Jedi texts!
:'''Yoda''': Oh? Read them, have you?
:'''Luke''': Well, I...
:'''Yoda''': Page-turners, they were not. Yes, yes, yes. Wisdom, they held, but that library contained nothing that the girl Rey does not already possess. Ah, Skywalker...still looking to the horizon. Never here! ''[pokes Luke with his walking stick]'' Now, hmm? The need in front of your nose!
:'''Luke''': I was weak. Unwise.
:'''Yoda''': Lost Ben Solo, you did. Lose Rey, you must not.
:'''Luke''': I can't be what she needs me to be!
:'''Yoda''': Heeded my words not, did you? "Pass on what you have learned." Strength, mastery, hmm...but weakness, folly, ''failure'', also. Yes, failure, most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is. Luke, we are what they grow beyond. That is the true burden of all masters.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Snoke''': ''[Rey's restraints are undone]'' Come closer, child. So much strength. Darkness rises, and light to meet it. I warned my young apprentice that as he grew stronger, his equal in the light would rise. ''[uses the Force to take Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber]'' Skywalker... ''[laughs]'' I assumed. Wrongly. Closer, I said. ''[uses the Force to slowly move Rey toward him]''
:'''Rey''': You underestimate Skywalker, and Ben Solo, and me. It will be your downfall.
:'''Snoke''': Oh. Have you seen something? A weakness...in my apprentice...is that why you came? ''[laughs]'' Young fool. It was ''I'' who bridged your minds. I stoked Ren's conflicted soul. I knew he was not strong enough to hide it from you, and you were not ''wise'' enough to resist the bait! ''[moves Rey closer and looks face to face with Rey]'' And now...you will give me Skywalker. Then...I will kill you with the cruelest stroke.
:'''Rey''': No.
:'''Snoke''': Yes. ''[forces Rey into the air]'' Give...me...''everything.''
:''[Rey screams in agony]''

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Snoke''': I did not expect Skywalker to be so wise. We will give him and the Jedi Order the death he desires. After the Rebels are gone, we will go to his planet and obliterate the entire island. ''[Rey tries to use the Force to take Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber, but Snoke uses it to hit her on the head]'' Such spunk. Look here now. ''[uses the Force to move Rey toward the viewport to show her the Resistance transport ships being destroyed one by one]'' The entire Resistance on those transports. Soon, they will all be gone. For you, all is lost. ''[Rey uses the Force to take Ren's lightsaber]'' Oh, still that fiery spit of hope? You have the spirit of a ''true'' Jedi! ''[Rey charges at Snoke with Ren's lightsaber. Snoke picks her up with the Force and she lands in front of Ren. His lightsaber spins around and stops in front of him]'' And because of that...you must die. ''[uses the Force and turns Rey toward Ren]'' My worthy apprentice, son of darkness, heir apparent to Lord Vader. Where there was conflict, I now sense resolve; where there was weakness, strength. Complete your training, and fulfill your ''destiny''!
:'''Ren''': ''[picks up his lightsaber]'' I know what I have to do.
:'''Rey''': Ben.
:'''Snoke''': ''[laughs]'' You think you can turn him? Pathetic child. I cannot be betrayed. I cannot be beaten. I see his mind: I see his every intent. Yes. I see him turning the lightsaber to strike true– ''[without Snoke knowing, Ren uses the Force to face Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber toward him]'' –and now...foolish child...he ignites it...and ''kills his true enemy''!
:''[Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber ignites and Snoke is cut in half at the waist; the lightsaber flies back into Rey's hand; Ren ignites his own lightsaber and he and Rey fight Snoke's Praetorian guards]''

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Ren''': It's time to let old things die. Snoke, Skywalker, the Sith, the Jedi, the Rebels; let it all die. Rey...I want you to join me. We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy!
:'''Rey''': ''[starting to tear up]'' Don't do this, Ben. Please, don't go this way.
:'''Ren''': No, no, you're still...holding on! Let go! Do you want to know the truth about your parents, or have you always known? You've just hidden it away. You know the truth. Say it. ''[Rey continues to tear up]'' Say it.
:'''Rey''': ''[tearfully]'' They were nobody.
:'''Ren''': They were filthy junk traders; sold you off for drinking money. They're dead in a pauper's grave in the Jakku desert. You have no place in this story; you come from nothing. You're nothing...but not to me. Join me. ''[he extends his hand towards Rey]'' Please.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[DJ has sold Finn and Rose out, and has revealed that the Resistance is fleeing towards Crait]''
:'''Finn''': You murdering ''bastard!!''
:'''DJ''': Hey, take it easy. They blow you up today, you blow them up tomorrow. It's just...good business.
:'''Finn''': You're wrong.
:'''DJ''': Maybe.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Captain Phasma''': You are a bug in the system.
:'''Finn''': Let's go, chrome dome.
:''[The two start to fight]''

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Phasma''': ''[contemptuous]'' You were always scum.
:'''Finn''': ''[proudly]'' ''Rebel'' scum.

<hr width=50%/>
:''[General Hux finds Ren lying unconscious on Snoke's throne room floor amid the wreckage following the battle with Rey and the Praetorian guards. He reaches for his blaster pistol, but instantly recoils once he sees Ren come to]''
:'''Hux''': What...happened?
:'''Ren''': The girl murdered Snoke. ''[surveys the room and notices half of the ''Supremacy'' floating away]'' What happened?!
:'''Hux''': She took Snoke's escape craft.
:'''Ren''': We know where she's going. Get all our forces down to that Resistance base; let's finish this.
:'''Hux''': "Finish this"? Who do you think you're talking to? You presume to command ''my'' army?! Our Supreme Leader is dead! We have no ruler!
:'''Ren''': ''[angrily uses the Force to choke Hux and to bring him to his knees]'' The Supreme Leader...''is dead''.
:'''Hux''': ''[choking]'' Long live the Supreme Leader.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Leia notices a hooded figure walking inside the Resistance base on Crait; he takes off his hood to reveal himself as Luke]''
:'''Leia''': Luke. ''[Luke sits down next to Leia. He hesitates to speak]'' I know what you're going to say...I changed my hair.
:'''Luke''': It's nice that way. Leia, I'm sorry.
:'''Leia''': I know. I know you are. I'm just glad you're here at the end.
:'''Luke''': I came to face him, Leia, and I can't save him.
:'''Leia''': I held out hope for so long...but I know my son is gone.
:'''Luke''': No one's ever really gone.
:''[The two grab their hands together; Luke stands up and gives a kiss on Leia's head before turning to C-3PO]''
:'''C-3PO''': Master Luke.
:''[Luke gives C-3PO a wink before he faces Ren]''

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ren''': Did you come back to say you forgive me? To save my soul?
:'''Luke''': No.
:''[The two draw their lightsabers]''

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Poe''': ''[watching Luke facing Ren]'' He's doing this for a reason. He's stalling so we can escape.
:'''Finn''': Escape? He's one against an army. We have to help him. We have to fight...
:'''Poe''': No, no. We are the spark that'll light the fire that'll burn the First Order down.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Ren charges at Luke, who blocks and dodges each blow as he returns to a ready stance]''
:'''Luke''': I failed you, Ben. I'm sorry.
:'''Ren''': I'm sure you are! The Resistance is dead! The war is over! And when I kill you, I will have killed the last Jedi!
:'''Luke''': Amazing. Every word of what you just said was wrong. The Rebellion is reborn today. The war is just beginning. And I will not be the last Jedi.
:'''Ren''': I'll destroy her...and you...and all of it.
:'''Luke''': ''[extinguishes his lightsaber]'' No. Strike me down in anger, and I will always be with you. Just like your father.
:''[Ren charges at Luke one last time, swinging his lightsaber; however he sees that Luke is still standing. Confused, he jabs Luke with his lightsaber before staring in horror as he realizes he's been fighting a Force projection all this time]''
:'''Ren''': No...
:'''Luke''': See you around, kid. ''[his Force projection fades away]''
:'''Ren''': ''[turning to see that the Resistance has escaped]'' NO!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Rey''': Luke is gone. I felt it. But it wasn't sadness nor pain. It was peace and purpose.
:'''Leia''': I felt it, too.
:'''Rey''': How do we build a Rebellion from this?
:'''Leia''': ''[takes her hand with Rey's, while she's holding onto Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber]'' We have everything we need.

==Cast==
* [[w:Mark Hamill|Mark Hamill]] – Luke Skywalker
* [[w:Carrie Fisher|Carrie Fisher]] – General Leia Organa
* [[w:Adam Driver|Adam Driver]] – Kylo Ren
* [[w:Daisy Ridley|Daisy Ridley]] – Rey
* [[w:John Boyega|John Boyega]] – Finn
* [[w:Oscar Isaac|Oscar Isaac]] – Poe Dameron
* [[w:Andy Serkis|Andy Serkis]] – Supreme Leader Snoke
* [[w:Lupita Nyong'o|Lupita Nyong'o]] – Maz Kanata
* [[w:Domhnall Gleeson|Domhnall Gleeson]] – General Hux
* [[w:Anthony Daniels|Anthony Daniels]] – C-3PO
* [[w:Gwendoline Christie|Gwendoline Christie]] – Captain Phasma
* [[w:Kelly Marie Tran|Kelly Marie Tran]] – Rose Tico
* [[w:Laura Dern|Laura Dern]] – Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo
* [[w:Frank Oz|Frank Oz]] – Yoda
* [[w:Benicio del Toro|Benicio del Toro]] – DJ

----
{{Star Wars}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* {{Official website|http://www.starwars.com/the-last-jedi}}
* [http://www.starwars.com/films/star-wars-episode-viii-the-last-jedi ''Star Wars: The Last Jedi'' at Starwars.com]
* {{IMDb title|2527336|Star Wars: The Last Jedi}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|star_wars_episode_viii|Star Wars: The Last Jedi}}

[[Category:Star Wars]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:2017 films]]

Timothy McVeigh

2018-03-12T15:47:29Z

StjJackson: /* Quotes about McVeigh */

[[File:McVeigh mugshot.jpg|thumb|right|I am sorry these people had to lose their lives. But that's the nature of the beast. It's understood going in what the human toll will be.]]
[[File:TimothyMcVeighPerryOKApr2195.jpg|thumb|right|Should any other person or governing body be able to tell another person that he/she cannot save their own life, because it would be a violation of a law?]]
[[File:Aa McVeigh sketch and pic.jpg|thumb|right|Should only the rich be allowed to live long? Does that say that because a person is poor, he is a lesser human being; and doesn't deserve to live as long, because he doesn't wear a tie to work?]]
[[File:Murrah Building - Aerial.jpg|thumb|right|I understand what they felt... I have no sympathy for them.]]
[[File:Murrah Building Before Demolition.JPG|thumb|right|Do we have to shed blood to reform the current system? I hope it doesn't come to that. But it might.]]
[[File:Oklahomacitybombing-DF-ST-98-01356.jpg|thumb|right|I have come to peace with myself, my God and my cause. Blood will flow in the streets... Pray it is not your blood, my friend.]]
[[File:Flag of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (2002).svg|thumb|ATF, all you tyrannical people will swing in the wind one day for your treasonous actions against the Constitution of the United States. Remember the Nuremberg War Trials.]]
[[File:Constitution of the United States, page 1.jpg|thumb|I have sworn to uphold and defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic and I will. And I will because not only did I swear to, but I believe in what it stands for in every bit of my heart, soul and being. I know in my heart that I am right in my struggle...]]
'''[[w:Timothy McVeigh|Timothy James McVeigh]]''' ([[April 23]], [[1968]] – [[June 11]], [[2001]]) was an American terrorist. A former United States Army soldier and security guard, he bombed the [[w:Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building|Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building]] in Oklahoma City, killing 168 people. He was convicted of committing 11 offenses of United States federal law, and was sentenced to death. He was executed in 2001 for his role in the bombing, which happened on April 19, 1995. The bombing was the deadliest event of [[w:domestic terrorism|domestic terrorism]] in the [[United States]], and the deadliest act of terrorism within the territorial borders of the United States, until the [[w:September 11 attacks|September 11 attacks]] of 2001.

==Quotes==
* ATF, all you tyrannical people will swing in the wind one day for your treasonous actions against the Constitution of the United States. Remember the Nuremberg War Trials.
** As quoted in "Timothy McVeigh & Terry Nichols: Oklahoma Bombing" (2010), ''TruTv''.

* Being face to face with these people, you realize, they're just people like you.
** [http://listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=mHscpPZLwWg#Timothy_McVeigh_talks_about_the_Gulf_War Interview].

=== 1990s ===
* A man with nothing left to lose is a very dangerous man and his energy/anger can be focused toward a common/righteous goal. What I'm asking you to do, then, is sit back and be honest with yourself. Do you have kids/wife? Would you back out at the last minute to care for the family? Are you interested in keeping your firearms for their current/future monetary value, or would you drag that '06 through rock, swamp and cactus...to get off the needed shot? In short, I'm not looking for talkers, I'm looking for fighters...And if you are a fed, think twice. Think twice about the Constitution you are supposedly enforcing (isn't "enforcing freedom" an oxymoron?) and think twice about catching us with our guard down – you will lose just like Degan did – and your family will lose.[
** Letter to Steve Colbern, as quoted in [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/0060394072 ''American Terrorist: Timothy McVeigh and the Oklahoma City Bombing''] (2001), by Lou Michel and Dan Herbeck, New York: ReganBooks (HarperCollins), pp. 184-185.

* Those who betray or subvert the Constitution are guilty of sedition and/or treason, are domestic enemies and should and will be punished accordingly. It also stands to reason that anyone who sympathizes with the enemy or gives aid or comfort to said enemy is likewise guilty. I have sworn to uphold and defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic and I will. And I will because not only did I swear to, but I believe in what it stands for in every bit of my heart, soul and being. I know in my heart that I am right in my struggle, Steve. I have come to peace with myself, my God and my cause. Blood will flow in the streets, Steve. Good vs. Evil. Free Men vs. Socialist Wannabe Slaves. Pray it is not your blood, my friend.
** [[w:Timothy_McVeigh#Plan_against_federal_building_or_individuals|Letter to Steve Hodge]].

* Think of it this way. When I was in the Army, you didn't see me for years. Think of me that way now, like I'm away in the Army again, on an assignment for the military.
** To his mother (1997), as quoted in [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/0060394072 ''American Terrorist: Timothy McVeigh and the Oklahoma City Bombing''] (2001), by Lou Michel and Dan Herbeck, New York: ReganBooks (HarperCollins), p. 347.

==== Letter to the ''Union-Sun & Journal'' (1992) ====
:[http://web.archive.org/web/20080119111020/http://www.cnn.com/US/OKC/faces/Suspects/McVeigh/1st-letter6-15/index.html Letter from Timothy McVeigh to the ''Union-Sun & Journal'' (11 February 1992)]
* Crime is so out of control. Criminals have no fear of punishment. Prisons are overcrowded so they know they will not be imprisoned long. This breeds more crime, in an escalating cyclic pattern.

* Taxes are a joke. Regardless of what a political candidate 'promises', they will increase. More taxes are always the answer to government mismanagement. They mess up. We suffer. Taxes are reaching cataclysmic levels, with no slowdown in sight.

* The 'American Dream' of the middle class has all but disappeared, substituted with people struggling just to buy next week's groceries. Heaven forbid the car breaks down!

* Politicians are further eroding the 'American Dream' by passing laws which are supposed to be a 'quick fix', when all they are really designed for is to get the official re-elected. These laws tend to "dilute" a problem for a while, until the problem comes roaring back in a worsened form much like a strain of bacteria will alter itself to defeat a known medication.

* Politicians are out of control. Their yearly salaries are more than an average person will see in a lifetime. They have been entrusted with the power to regulate their own salaries, and have grossly violated that trust to live in their own luxury.

* Racism on the rise? You had better believe it! Is this America's frustrations venting themselves? Is it a valid frustration? Who is to blame for the mess? At a point when the world has seen communism falter as an imperfect system to manage people; democracy seems to be headed down the same road. No one is seeing the 'big' picture.

* Maybe we have to contribute ideologies to achieve the perfect utopian government. Remember, government-sponsored health care was a communist idea. Should only the rich be allowed to live long? Does that say that because a person is poor, he is a lesser human being; and doesn't deserve to live as long, because he doesn't wear a tie to work?

* What is it going to take to open the eyes of our elected officials? America is in serious decline!

* We have no proverbial tea to dump, should we instead sink a ship full of Japanese imports? Is a Civil War Imminent? Do we have to shed blood to reform the current system? I hope it doesn't come to that. But it might.

==== Letter to John J. LaFalce (1992) ====
:[http://articles.philly.com/1995-05-03/news/25671989_1_union-sun-journal-handwritten-letter-stun-guns Letter to John J. LaFalce (16 February 1992).]
* Should any other person or governing body be able to tell another person that he/she cannot save their own life, because it would be a violation of a law?

* I strongly believe in a God-given right to self-defense.

* It is a lie if we tell ourselves that the police can protect us everywhere, at all times. Firearms restrictions are bad enough, but now a woman can't even carry Mace in her purse?

* I'm the NRA.

==== ''An Essay on Hypocrisy'' (1998) ====
:McVeigh, Timothy J. (June 1998). "An Essay on Hypocrisy". Media Bypass magazine.
The administration has said that Iraq has no right to stockpile chemical or biological weapons ("weapons of mass destruction") -- mainly because they have used them in the past.

Well, if that's the standard by which these matters are decided, then the U.S. is the nation that set the precedent. The U.S. has stockpiled these same weapons (and more) for over 40 years. The U.S. claims that this was done for deterrent purposes during the "Cold War" with the Soviet Union. Why, then is it invalid for Iraq to claim the same reason (deterrence) -- with respect to Iraq's (real) war with, and the continued threat of, its neighbor Iran?

The administration claims that Iraq has used these weapons in the past. We've all seen the pictures that show a Kurdish woman and child frozen in death from the use of chemical weapons. But, have you ever seen these pictures juxtaposed next to pictures from Hiroshima or Nagasaki?

I suggest that one study the histories of World War I, World War II and other "regional conflicts" that the U.S. has been involved in to familiarize themselves with the use of "weapons of mass destruction."

Remember Dresden? How about Hanoi? Tripoli? Baghdad? What about the big ones -- Hiroshima and Nagasaki? (At these two locations, the U.S. killed at least 150,000 non-combatants -- mostly women and children -- in the blink of an eye. Thousands more took hours, days, weeks, or months to die.)

If Saddam is such a demon, and people are calling for war crimes charges and trials against him and his nation, why do we not hear the same cry for blood directed at those responsible for even greater amounts of "mass destruction" -- like those responsible and involved in dropping bombs on the cities mentioned above?

The truth is, the U.S. has set the standard when it comes to the stockpiling and use of weapons of mass destruction.

Hypocrisy when it comes to death of children? In Oklahoma City, it was family convenience that explained the presence of a day-care center placed between street level and the law enforcement agencies which occupied the upper floors of the building. Yet when discussion shifts to Iraq, any day-care center in a government building instantly becomes "a shield." Think about that.

(Actually, there is a difference here. The administration has admitted to knowledge of the presence of children in or near Iraqi government buildings, yet they still proceed with their plans to bomb -- saying that they cannot be held responsible if children die. There is no such proof, however, that knowledge of the presence of children existed in relation to the Oklahoma City bombing.)

When considering morality and mens rea [criminal intent] in light of these facts, I ask: Who are the true barbarians?

Yet another example of this nation's blatant hypocrisy is revealed by the polls which suggest that this nation is greatly in favor of bombing Iraq.

In this instance, the people of the nation approve of bombing government employees because they are "guilty by association" -- they are Iraqi government employees. In regard to the bombing in Oklahoma City, however, such logic is condemned.

What motivates these seemingly contradictory positions? Do people think that government workers in Iraq are any less human than those in Oklahoma City? Do they think that Iraqis don't have families who will grieve and mourn the loss of their loved ones? In this context, do people come to believe that the killing of foreigners is somehow different than the killing of Americans?

I recently read of an arrest in New York City where possession of a mere pipe bomb was charged as possession of a "weapon of mass destruction." If a two pound pipe bomb is a "weapon of mass destruction," then what do people think that a 2,000-pound steel-encased bomb is?

I find it ironic, to say the least, that one of the aircraft that could be used to drop such a bomb on Iraq is dubbed "The Spirit of Oklahoma."

When a U.S. plane or cruise missile is used to bring destruction to a foreign people, this nation rewards the bombers with applause and praise. What a convenient way to absolve these killers of any responsibility for the destruction they leave in their wake.

Unfortunately, the morality of killing is not so superficial. The truth is, the use of a truck, a plane, or a missile for the delivery of a weapon of mass destruction does not alter the nature of the act itself.

These are weapons of mass destruction -- and the method of delivery matters little to those on the receiving end of such weapons.

Whether you wish to admit it or not, when you approve, morally, of the bombing of foreign targets by the U.S. military, you are approving of acts morally equivalent to the bombing in Oklahoma City. The only difference is that this nation is not going to see any foreign casualties appear on the cover of Newsweek magazine.

It seems ironic and hypocritical that an act viciously condemned in Oklahoma City is now a "justified" response to a problem in a foreign land. Then again, the history of United States policy over the last century, when examined fully, tends to exemplify hypocrisy.

When considering the use of weapons of mass destruction against Iraq as a means to an end, it would be wise to reflect on the words of the late U.S. Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis. His words are as true in the context of Olmstead as they are when they stand alone: "Our government is the potent, the omnipresent teacher. For good or for ill, it teaches the whole people by its example."

=== 2000s ===
* I have great respect for human life. My decision to take human life at the Murrah Building – I did not do it for personal gain. I ease my mind in that... I did it for the larger good.
** Interview for ''American Terrorist'' (2001) by Lou Michel and Dan Herbeck

* I like the phrase "shot heard 'round the world," and I don't think there's any doubt the Oklahoma City blast was heard around the world.
** Interview for ''American Terrorist'' (2001) by Lou Michel and Dan Herbeck

* With your recent interview in ''Pitch'', you become the first person I've heard of (or from) that has figured me out.
** [http://juniperhills.net/mcveigh419.pdf Letter] to [[David Woodard]] (April 19, 2001)

* I understand what they felt in Oklahoma City. I have no sympathy for them.
** ''[http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2001/apr/22/mcveigh.usa Dead Man Talking]'', ''The Observer'' (April 22, 2001)

* If there is a hell, then I'll be in good company with a lot of fighter pilots who also had to bomb innocents to win the war.
** ''[http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2001/apr/22/mcveigh.usa Dead Man Talking]'', ''The Observer'' (April 22, 2001)

* You can't handle the truth. Because the truth is, I blew up the Murrah building and isn't it kind of scary that one man could reap this kind of hell?
** ''[http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2001/apr/22/mcveigh.usa Dead Man Talking]'', ''The Observer'' (April 22, 2001)

* I am sorry these people had to lose their lives. But that's the nature of the beast. It's understood going in what the human toll will be.
** Letters published in the ''Buffalo News'' (10 June 2001)

* For those diehard conspiracy theorists who will refuse to believe this, I turn the tables and say: show me where I needed anyone else. Financing? [[Logistics]]? Specialised tech skills? Brainpower? Strategy? Show me where I needed a dark, mysterious 'Mr X'!
** Letters published in the ''Buffalo News'' (10 June 2001)

* If there would not have been a [[w:Waco Siege|Waco]], I would have put down roots somewhere and not been so unsettled with the fact that my government … was a threat to me. Everything that Waco implies was on the forefront of my thoughts. That sort of guided my path for the next couple of years.
** Letters published in the ''Buffalo News'' (10 June 2001).

==== ''Why I Bombed the Murrah Federal Building'' (2001) ====
:[http://www.foxnews.com/story/2001/04/26/mcveigh-apr-26-letter-to-fox-news/ ''I Explain Herein Why I Bombed the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City'' (26 April 2001), ''Fox News''.]
* I explain herein why I bombed the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City. I explain this not for publicity, nor seeking to win an argument of right or wrong. I explain so that the record is clear as to my thinking and motivations in bombing a government installation.

* I chose to bomb a federal building because such an action served more purposes than other options. Foremost, the bombing was a retaliatory strike; a counter attack, for the cumulative raids and subsequent violence and damage that federal agents had participated in over the preceding years (including, but not limited to, Waco.) From the formation of such units as the FBI's 'Hostage Rescue' and other assault teams amongst federal agencies during the '80s; culminating in the Waco incident, federal actions grew increasingly militaristic and violent, to the point where at Waco, our government - like the Chinese - was deploying tanks against its own citizens.

* Knowledge of these multiple and ever-more aggressive raids across the country constituted an identifiable pattern of conduct within and by the federal government and amongst its various agencies. For all intents and purposes, federal agents had become 'soldiers' using military training, tactics, techniques, equipment, language, dress, organization, and mindset and they were escalating their behavior. Therefore, this bombing was also meant as a pre-emptive or pro-active strike against these forces and their command and control centers within the federal building. When an aggressor force continually launches attacks from a particular base of operation, it is sound military strategy to take the fight to the enemy.

* Additionally, borrowing a page from U.S. foreign policy, I decided to send a message to a government that was becoming increasingly hostile, by bombing a government building and the government employees within that building who represent that government. Bombing the Murrah Federal Building was morally and strategically equivalent to the U.S. hitting a government building in Serbia, Iraq, or other nations. Based on observations of the policies of my own government, I viewed this action as an acceptable option. From this perspective, what occurred in Oklahoma City was no different than what Americans rain on the heads of others all the time, and subsequently, my mindset was and is one of clinical detachment. The bombing of the Murrah building was not personal, no more than when Air Force, Army, Navy, or Marine personnel bomb or launch cruise missiles against government installations and their personnel. I hope that this clarification amply addresses your question. Sincerely, Timothy J. McVeigh. USP Terre Haute (IN).

=="McVeigh Tapes" by Rachel Maddow==
* With Oklahoma City being a counterattack, I was only fighting by the rules of engagement that were introduced by the aggressor. Waco started this war. Hopefully Oklahoma would end it.

== Quotes about McVeigh ==
* A decent person who had allowed rage to build up inside him to the point that he had lashed out in one terrible, violent act.
** John Smith, as quoted in [http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/1321244.stm "Profile: Timothy McVeigh"]. BBC News. May 11, 2001. Retrieved March 28, 2010.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:McVeigh, Timothy}}
[[Category:Mass murderers]]
[[Category:Terrorists]]
[[Category:Americans]]
[[Category:2001 deaths]]
[[Category:People executed for murder]]

Gettysburg (film)

2018-02-18T03:27:15Z

StjJackson: /* Gen. Robert E. Lee */

'''''[[w:Gettysburg (1993 film)|Gettysburg]]''''' is a 1993 film based on the novel ''[[w:The Killer Angels|The Killer Angels]]'' by [[w:Michael Shaara|Michael Shaara]], depicting the Battle of Gettysburg in 1863. It was followed up by the prequel film ''[[Gods and Generals (film)|Gods and Generals]]'' in 2003.
::::::::::'''Directed and written by [[w:Ronald F. Maxwell|Ronald F. Maxwell]].'''

[[File:High Water Mark from Gettysburg.PNG|thumb|right|Same Land. Same God. Different Dreams.]]
==Taglines==
* Same Land. Same God. Different Dreams.

*Fate made them soldiers. War made them brothers. Courage made them Heroes.

== Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain ==
[[File:Union soldiers entrenched along the west bank of the Rappahannock River at Fredericksburg, Virginia (111-B-157).jpg|thumb|All of us volunteered to fight for the Union, just as you did. Some came mainly because we were bored at home, thought this looked like it might be fun. Some came because we were ashamed not to. Many of us came because it was the right thing to do. ~ Joshua Chamberlain]]
[[File:1st Minnesota at Gettysburg.jpg|thumb|This is a different kind of army. If you look back through history, you will see men fighting for pay, for women, for some other kind of loot. They fight for land, power, because a king leads them or, or just because they like killing. But we are here for something new. This has not happened much in the history of the world. [[United States Armed Forces|We]] are an army [[Emancipation|out to set other men free]]. ~ Joshua Chamberlain]]
[[File:Flag of the United States of America (1861-1863).svg|thumb|America should be free ground - all of it. Not divided by a line between slave state and free, all the way from here to the Pacific Ocean. No man has to bow. No man born to royalty. Here, we judge you by what you do, not by who your father was. Here, you can be something. Here, is the place to build a home. But it's not the land. There's always more land. It's the idea that we all have value. ~ Joshua Chamberlain]]
[[File:20th Maine Monument, Little Round Top, Gettysburg Battlefield, Pennsylvania.jpg|thumb|We can't run away. If we stay here we can't shoot. So lets fix bayonets. ~ Joshua Chamberlain]]
* Gentlemen. ''We'' are the flank.

* Hold to the last. To the last what? Exercise in rhetoric. Last shell? Last man? Last foot of ground? Last Reb?

* Mutiny. I thought that was a word for the navy.

* It doesn't make sense; hold a gun on a man to get him to fight.

* ''[examining his sword scabbard which was hit by a bullet and bent badly]'' I'll be damned.

* You men gather round. I've been talking with, uh, Pvt Bucklin, he's told me about your problem. There's nothing I can do today. We'll be moving out in a few minutes, we'll be moving all day. I've been ordered to take you men with me. I'm told that, uh, that if you don't come, I can shoot you. Well, you know I won't do that. Maybe somebody else will, but I won't, so, that's that. Uh here's the, uh, situation. The whole Reb army is up that road a ways, waitin' for us, so this is no time for an argument like this, I tell ya. We could surely use you fellas, we're now well below half strength. Whether you fight, or not, that's......that's up to you. Whether you come along is, is.....well, you're comin'.You know who we are and what we're doing here, but if you want to fight along side us, there's some things I want you to know. This regiment was formed last summer in Maine. There were a thousand of us then. There are less than three hundred of us now. All of us volunteered to fight for the Union, just as you did. Some came mainly because we were bored at home, thought this looked like it might be fun. Some came because we were ashamed not to. Many of us came because it was the right thing to do. All of us have seen men die. This is a different kind of army. If you look back through history, you will see men fighting for pay, for women, for some other kind of loot. They fight for land, power, because a king leads them or, or just because they like killing. But we are here for something new. This has not happened much in the history of the world. We are an army out to set other men free.America should be free ground - all of it. Not divided by a line between slave state and free, all the way from here to the Pacific Ocean. No man has to bow. No man born to royalty. Here, we judge you by what you do, not by who your father was. Here, you can be something. Here, is the place to build a home. But it's not the land. There's always more land. It's the idea that we all have value - you and me. What we're fighting for, in the end, we're fighting for each other. Sorry, I, uh, didn't mean to preach. You, uh, you go ahead. You talk for awhile. Uh, if you, uh, if you choose to join us, you want your muskets back, you can have 'em. Nothing more will be said by anybody anywhere. If you, uh, choose not to join us, well you can come along under guard, and when this is all over I will do what I can to see you get a fair treatment. But for now, we're moving out. Gentlemen, I think if we lose this fight, we lose the war. So if you choose to join us, I'll be personally very grateful.

* We can't run away. If we stay here we can't shoot. So lets fix bayonets.

== Gen. Robert E. Lee ==
* It's my fault.

[[File:Conf dead chancellorsville edit1.jpg|thumb|right|If they fight, we must fight with them. And does it matter after all who wins? Was that ever really the question?]]
* ''(thinking)'' In the morning is the great battle. Tomorrow or the next day will determine the war. Virginia is here. All the South is here. What will you do tomorrow? In the morning the enemy will be up in fortified positions on high ground. Longstreet's corps will be coming up and my boys will be ready to finish the job. If I tell them to withdraw now? No, sir. They've been patient for far too long. With the enemy out there up on the hill, they'll be ready to finish the job. But I don't even know how much is up there. How many men? How many cannon? I don't know the ground or the flanks. I don't know. If I wait in the morning, the early morning, maybe Meade, under pressure, will attack. That would make General Longstreet very happy. But I don't think Meade will come down. And I don't think I can withdraw, so, God's will, thy will be done.

* [''to Longstreet, on the nature of the army]'' Soldiering has one great trap. To be a good soldier, you must love the army. To be a good commander, you must be willing to order the death of the thing you love. We do not fear our own death, you and I. But there comes a time... we are never quite prepared for so many to die. Oh, we do expect the occasional empty chair, the salute to fallen comrades. But this war goes on, and the men die, and the price gets ever higher. We are prepared to lose some of us, but we are never prepared to lose all of us. And there is the great trap, General: When you attack, you must hold nothing back. You must commit yourself totally. We are adrift here in a sea of blood, and I want it to end. I want ''this'' to be the final battle.

*[''just before Pickett's Charge''] With General Longstreet in command, my old war horse, meeting the enemy face to face on ground of his own choosing, and with honour, ''we will prevail!''

* They do not die for us. Not for us. That at least is a blessing. If this war goes on, and it will... it will... what else can we do but go on, you and I? It's always the same question forever. What else can we do? '''If they fight, we must fight with them. And does it matter after all who wins?''' Was that ever really the question?

*[''deleted scene''] Major, this Army will conduct itself properly and with respect to all civilian population at all times. And you will personally report to me any infraction no matter how minor or trivial they may appear.

== Lt. Gen. James Longstreet ==
* I don't like going in without Pickett. It's like going in with one boot off. I'll wait as long as I can before sending my boys in.

* We should've freed the slaves, ''then'' fired on Fort Sumter.

* I guess we Southerners and you English have at least one thing in common. We'd rather lose the war than admit to the mistake.
[[File:Pickett's Charge defence.png|thumb|right|No fifteen thousand men, ever made, can take that ridge.]]
* If they get batteries up there, we're gonna need buckets to catch the lead.

* Place the guns! Bring up the guns!

* I must tell you now, I believe this attack will fail. No fifteen thousand men, ever made, can take that ridge.

* ''(to his spy, Harrison, just before Pickett's Charge)'' You know what's gonna happen? I'll tell you what's gonna happen. Troops are now forming behind the line of trees. When they come out, they'll be under enemy long-range artillery fire. Solid shot. Percussion. Every gun they have. Troops will come out under fire with more than a mile to walk. And still, within the open field, among the range of aimed muskets. They'll be slowed by that fence out there, and the formation - what's left of it - will begin to come apart. When they cross that road, they'll be under short-range artillery. Canister fire. Thousands of little bits of shrapnel wiping the holes in the lines. If they get to the wall without breaking up, there won't be many left. A mathematical equation... But maybe, just maybe, our own artillery will break up their defenses. There's always that hope. ''(he sighs)'' That's Hancock out there, and he ain't gonna run. So it's mathematical after all. If they get to that road, or beyond it, we'll suffer over fifty percent casualties. But, Harrison...I don't believe my boys will reach that wall.

== Brig. Gen. Lewis Armistead ==
* Father, into your hands, I commend my spirit.

* Virginians! Virginians! For your lands! For your homes! For your sweethearts! For your wives! For...Virginia! Forward...''march!''

* ''[reaches the fence, noticing a soldier cowering nearby]'' Come on, boy, come on! What will you think of yourself tomorrow? Virginians! Virginians! ''[Impales his hat on his sword]'' We'll stay! Who will come with me?!

[[File:Armistead's last stand.png|thumb|right|The day is ours, men! Turn the cannons on them! Turn the cannons!]]
* The day is ours, men! Turn the cannons on them! Turn the cannons! ''[jumps off the stone wall and places his hand on a cannon]'' Man this cannon! Man this cannon!

* ''(last words)'' Will you tell General Hancock that General Armistead sends his regrets? Will you tell him how very sorry I am?

* ''[to Col. Fremantle, on the irony of [[w:George Armistead|his uncle]] defending the original "Star Spangled Banner" at Ft. McHenry in 1814]'' Colonel Fremantle, it does not begin or end with my uncle, or myself. We're all sons of Virginia here. That major out there, commanding the cannon - that's James Dearing, first in his class at West Point, before Virginia seceded. And the boy over there with the color guard - that's Private Robert Tyler Jones. [[John Tyler|His grandfather]] was President of the United States. The colonel behind me - that's Colonel William Aylett. Now, his great-grandfather was the Virginian, [[Patrick Henry]]. It was Patrick Henry who said to your [[w:George III of the United Kingdom|King George III]], "Give me liberty, or give me death." There are boys here from Norfolk, Portsmouth, small hamlets along the James River... from Charlottesville and Fredericksburg, to the Shenandoah Valley. Mostly, they're all veteran soldiers now; the cowards and shirkers are long gone. Every man here knows his duty. They would make this charge, even without an officer to lead them. They know the gravity of the situation, and the mettle of their foe. They know that this day's work will be desperate and deadly. They know, that for many of them, this will be their last charge. But not one of them needs to be told what is expected of him. They're all willing to make the supreme sacrifice - to achieve victory, here... the crowning victory... and the end of this war. We are all here, Colonel. You may tell them, when you return to your country, that all Virginia was here on this day.

== Maj. Gen. George Pickett ==
* Hello, my bully boys! Virginia has arrived!

* ''[Responding to an order to form a defensive position after his division has been slaughtered]'' General Lee, I have no division.

* For the glory of Virginia, form your brigade.

* Up, men! Up! And to your posts! And let no man forget today that you are from old Virginia!

* You know I consider it unbecomin' to a soldier, all this booklearnin'.

* ''[As Armistead leads the charge to the stone wall]'' That's the style, Lo! ''[Raises his hat in the air]'' THAT'S THE STYLE!!

* ''[As smoke obscures the charge]'' What's happenin'? I can't see what's happenin' to my boys. WHAT'S HAPPENIN' TO MY BOYS?!

== Other ==
* '''Narrator:''' In June 1863, after more than two years of bloody conflict, the Confederate Army of Northern Virginia, Robert E. Lee commanding, slips across the Potomac to begin the invasion of the North. It is an army of 70,000 men. They move slowly behind the Blue Ridge using the mountains to screen their movements. Their objective is to draw the Union army out into the open where it can be destroyed. Late in June, the Union Army of the Potomac, 80,000 men, turns north from Virginia to begin the great pursuit up the narrow roads across Maryland and into Pennsylvania. General Lee knows that a letter has been prepared by the Southern government; a letter which offers peace. It is to be placed on the desk of Abraham Lincoln, President of the United States, the day after Lee has destroyed the Army of the Potomac somewhere north of Washington.

[[File:WarrenStatueGettysburg.jpg|thumb|right|The line runs all the way from here back to Cemetary Hill. But it ends here.]]
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* '''Cpl. Glazier Estabrook:''' Colonel, sir. You know who this 2nd Maine man is? Dan Burns from Orono. I know his daddy, the preacher. Best darn cusser I've ever heard. Knows more fine swear words than any man in Maine.

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* '''Lt. Col. Arthur Fremantle:''' You call yourselves Americans, but you're really just transplanted Englishmen.

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* '''Maj. Gen. Winfield Scott Hancock:''' There are times when a corps commander's life does not count.

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* '''Maj. Gen Isaac Trimble:''' ''[to Lee, after the first day]'' Sir, I said to General Ewell these words. I said to him: "Sir, give me one division and I will take that hill." He said nothing. He just stood there and stared at me. I said, "General Ewell, give me one brigade and I will take that hill." I was becoming disturbed, sir. And General Ewell put his arms behind him and blinked. So I said, "General, give me one ''regiment'' and I will take that hill." And he said ''nothing''! He just ''stood'' there! I threw down my sword. Down on the ground in front of him. We could have done it, sir. A blind man should have seen it. Now they're working up there. You can hear the axes of the federal troops. And so in the morning many a good boy will die... taking that hill. Sir, I must request another assignment.

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* '''Maj. Gen. John Reynolds:''' ''(last words)'' Forward, for God's sake, forward!

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* ''' Col. Strong Vincent''': You are the extreme left of the Union Army. Understood? The line runs all the way from here back to Cemetery Hill. '''But it ends here. You cannot withdraw under any condition. If you go this line will be flanked.''' If you go, the enemy will sweep up over the hillside and take this entire army from the rear. You must defend this place to the last.

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* '''2nd Maine Soldier:''' No man will call me a coward.

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* '''Young Marylander''': (the only line spoken by a female in the entire film) I thought the war was in Virginia.

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* '''Cpt. TJ Goree:''' ''(To Gen. Longstreet)'' No good trying to get yourself killed General. The lord'll come for you in his own good time.

== Dialogue ==
[[File:Captive Slave.jpg|thumb|I haven't known that many freedmen, but those I knew in Bangor, Portland, you look in the eye, there was a man. There was a 'divine spark', as my mother used to call it. That is all there is to it. Races are men: ''"What a piece of work is man. How infinite in faculties, in form and moving. How express and admirable. In action, how like an angel."'' ~ Joshua Chamberlain]]
:'''Pvt. Buster Kilrain:''' Colonel? Colonel, darlin'. Rise up, me bucko. ''(Chamberlain groans.)'' Oh, I'm sorry, darlin', but we've got a bit of a problem here, Colonel, would ye like to hear about it? Would ye wake up, sir? We got a whole company comin', sir. This way. I'll give ye time to wake up, but we've got quite a problem. Altogether, 120 men are comin'. We're to be havin' them as guests.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' ''(still half asleep)'' What?
:'''Pvt. Buster Kilrain:''' Yeah. Should be here any minute.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' Who?
:'''Pvt. Buster Kilrain:''' Mutineers. Mutineers, Colonel, me lad. 120 men from the old 2nd Maine which has been disbanded.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' 120 mutineers? ''(gestures for Kilrain to keep talking.)''
:'''Pvt. Buster Kilrain:''' Yes, sir. Ye see, what happened was the enlistment papers on the old 2nd Maine run out. So they were sent home. All except these 120 fellows who'd foolishly signed 3-year papers. 3 years, that is. So these poor fellows, they got one more year to serve, only, you see, they thought they was signin' to fight only with the 2nd Maine and the 2nd Maine only. So, they, uh, quit. They resigned, ye see. 120 men! ''(Chamberlain puts his head down.)'' Colonel? Are ye all right?
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' Yeah.
:'''Pvt. Buster Kilrain:''' Well, the point is, sir, these Maine fellows; they won't fight no more. And nobody can send them home and nobody knows what to do with them. Til they thought of us. Being as we are the only other Maine regiment in the V Corps. So they've been assigned to us. Yes, sir. I've a message here from the new commanding general. George Meade, sir, that's right! Our very own general of our very own corps has been promoted to command of the whole army. The latest, if ye keep track of them as they go by.

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:'''Lt. Tom Chamberlain:''' One thing about this brigade is we got our own special bugle call. Ever hear tell of Dan Butterfield?
:'''2nd Maine Soldier:''' What, General Butterfield? What was with Hooker?
:'''Lt. Tom Chamberlain:''' That's the same fellow. See, he used to be our brigade commander.
:'''2nd Maine Soldier:''' Yeah, he was a pistol. No man like him for having a good time.
:'''Lt. Tom Chamberlain:''' I don't know about that. But I know he used to like to write bugle calls. The problem with this army is, we got too many calls. We got a call for artillery, infantry, get up and eat, retreat. Anyway, old Butterfield, he wrote a special call for this here brigade. Say there is an order for this brigade, you and me. Some blame fool'll be blowing his bugle, we will think that order's for us when it wasn't. We'll follow that order anyway, and then we'll look around and we'll be in a world of hurt.
:'''2nd Maine Soldier:''' Yeah, that happened to me once. Us, that is. Half the regiment charged, the other half retreated. You had your choice.

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:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' Tell me something, Buster. What do you think of Negroes?
:'''Pvt. Buster Kilrain:''' Well, if you mean the race, I don't really know. This is not a thing to be ashamed of. The thing is, you cannot judge a race. Any man who judges by the group is a pea-wit. You take men one at a time.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' To me, there was never any difference.
:'''Pvt. Buster Kilrain:''' None at all?
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' None at all. Of course, I haven't known that many freed men, but those I knew in Bangor, Portland, you look in the eye, there was a man. There was a "divine spark," as my mother used to call it. That is all there is to it. Races are men. "What a piece of work is man. How infinite in faculties, in form and moving. How express and admirable. In action, how like an angel."
:'''Pvt. Buster Kilrain:''' Well, if he's an angel, all right then. But he damn well must be a killer angel. Colonel, darling, you're a lovely man. I see a great vast difference between us, yet I admire you, lad. You're an idealist, praise be. The truth is, Colonel, there is no "divine spark." There's many a man alive no more of value than a dead dog. Believe me. When you've seen them hang each other the way I have back in the Old Country. Equality? What I'm fighting for is the right to prove I'm a better man than many of them. Where have you seen this "divine spark" in operation, Colonel? Where have you noted this magnificent equality? No two things on earth are equal or have an equal chance. Not a leaf, not a tree. There's many a man worse than me, and some better, but I don't think race or country matters a damn. What matters, Colonel, is justice. Which is why I'm here. I'll be treated as I deserve. Not as my father deserved. I'm Kilrain, and I damn all gentlemen. There is only one aristocracy, and that is right here. ''(taps his temple)'' And that's why we've got to win this war.

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:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet:''' Good Lord, George, what is that smell?
:'''Maj. Gen. George Pickett:''' That's me. Ain't it lovely?
:'''Brig. Gen. Lewis Armistead:''' He got it off a dead Frenchman.

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:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' Sergeant Owen, let's get these fellows some muskets.
:'''Sgt. Owen:''' There are no muskets, sir.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' ''(to 2nd Maine men)'' You just wait here for a bit. There'll be guns available in a little while.

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:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain:''' The boys from the 2nd Maine are being fed, Lawrence.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' Ye- ''Don't'' call me Lawrence.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain:''' Darn it, Lawrence, I'm your brother.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' Well, just be careful about the name business in front of the men, alright? Just because you're my brother- It looks like favoritism.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain:''' God Almighty, General Meade's got his own son as his aide-de-camp.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' Well, that's different. Generals can do anything. Nothing quite so much like God on Earth as a general on a battlefield.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain:''' Well, what are you gonna do with 'em, huh, sir? ''Colonel'', sir. You can't shoot 'em, you'll never go back to Maine if you do that.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' I know that, I know that. I wonder if they do.

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:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet:''' You English had your own civil war once, didn't you?
:'''Lt. Col. Arthur Fremantle:''' Oh, that was ages ago. Wouldn't dream of it now. Cavaliers and Roundheads. "Off with his head, off with his head!" Heads lying about everywhere. One could hardly take a step without tripping over a fallen crown. We're much more civilized now, I assure you.

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:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': I've got some night work for you. Are you up for it?
:'''Harrison:''' ''"All the world will be in love with night, and pay no worship to the garish sun!"''
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': When this is over, I do look forward to seeing you on the stage.

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:'''Brig. Gen. Lewis Armistead''': Well, what do you hear about Sam Hood?
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': May lose an arm.
:'''Brig. Gen. Lewis Armistead''': Dick Garnett ain't fit. Can't hardly walk. Thing is, if there's a fight, he can't stand to stay out of it. But if you ordered him to stay out of it... Huh. Don't suppose you could do that.
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': Mm-mm.
:'''Irish Tenor''': ''(in the background)'' ''Kathleen Mavourneen, the gray dawn is breaking. The horn of the hunter is heard on the hill. The lark from the light...'' ''(continues song through conversation)''
:'''Lt. General James Longstreet''': Mm-hmm. That boy can sing. That's "Kathleen Mavourneen".
:'''Brig. Gen Lewis Armistead''': ''(looks away, slightly husky voice)'' What do you hear about Hancock?
:'''Lt. Gen James Longstreet''': ''(lighting pipe)'' Ran into him today. He's out there, 'bout a mile or so. Just a mile or so. He was... tough. Very tough today.
:'''Brig. Gen. Lewis Armistead''': He's the best they got. God don't make 'em any better, and that's a fact. Well, I'd like to go over and see him as soon as I can. Last time I saw Win, we played that song, that very song. Back in California, we were all together for the last time. Before we broke up. Spring of '61. ''(pauses)'' Almira Hancock. You remember Almira, Hancock's wife? Beautiful woman. Most perfect woman I ever saw. They were a beautiful couple. Beautiful... Garnett was with me that night. A lot of fellows from the old outfit. People standin' around singin'. In the blue uniform. We were leavin', the next day. Some goin' North, some goin' South. Splittin' up. ''(looks up)'' A soldier's farewell. "Goodbye. Good luck. I'll see you in hell." ''(chuckles)'' You remember that? ''(sighs)'' Towards the end of the evening, we all sat around the piano. And Mira played that- that song there, that was the one she played. ''"May be for years, may be forever..."'' I'll never forget that. ''(laughs)'' You know how it was, Pete. ''(sits down, voice husky)'' Win was like a brother to me... Remember? ''(Longstreet nods)'' Towards the end of the evening... ''(shakes his head)'' things got a little rough. We all began to- Well, there were a lot of tears. ''(takes several shaky breaths)'' I went over to Hancock.. I-I took him by the shoulder. I said, "Win... so help me... if I ever raise my hand against you... may God strike me dead!" ''(pauses, quickly wipes his eyes)'' I ain't seen him since. He was at Malvern Hill, White Oak Swamp, Sharpsburg, Fredericksburg... ''(sighs)'' One of these days... I will see him, I'm afraid. Across that small, deadly space. I thought about sittin' this one out, but I can't do that. That wouldn't be right, either. ''(wipes his eyes again)'' I guess not. ''(nods)'' Thank you, Peter. I had to talk about that.
:'''Lt. Gen James Longstreet''': Yup.
:'''Brig. Gen Lewis Armistead''': ''(stands, turns slightly)'' Um, I'm sending Almira Hancock a small package to be opened in the event of my death. ''(takes package from coat, holds it towards Longstreet)'' You'll drop by and see her, after all this is over... Won't you, Pete? ''(Longstreet takes the package)'' Thank you.

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:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': Hello, men. What outfit you with?
:'''Confederate Prisoner''': Archer's Brigade, Heth's Division.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': Where you from?
:'''Confederate Prisoner''': Tennessee. How 'bout you?
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': Maine. I never been to Tennessee.
:'''Confederate Prisoner''': I reckon I never been to Maine neither.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': I don't mean no disrespect to you fightin' men. But sometimes I can't help but figure, why you fightin' this war?
:'''Confederate Prisoner''': Why you fightin' it?
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': Well, to free the slaves, of course. And to preserve the Union.
:'''Confederate Prisoner''': I don't know about some other folk but I ain't fightin' for no darkies, one way or the other. I'm fightin' for my rights ''(pronounced "rats")''. All of us that's what we're fightin' for.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': For your what?
:'''Confederate Prisoner''': For our rights. Why is it you folks can't just live the way you want to live, and let us live the way we do? Live and let live, I hear some folks say. Be a mite less fuss and bother if more folks took it to heart.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': ''(nods slowly, considering the man's words)'' Where'd you get captured?
:'''Confederate Prisoner''': Railroad cut just west of Gettysburg town. Wasn't a pretty sight. Many a good boy lost a young and promising life. Some were blue, some were grey. Seen enough of this war?
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': I guess I have.
:'''Confederate Prisoner''': I guess I have, too. It looks like I'm gonna be sittin' out the rest of it.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': ''(nods)'' Well, I appreciate you talkin' to me.
:'''Confederate Prisoner''': ''(salutes)'' See you in hell, Billy Yank.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': ''(salutes)'' See you in hell, Johnny Reb.

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[[File:Burial of the dead on the Antietam battlefield army.mil-2008-09-10-145638.jpg|thumb|right|I tell you, Lawrence... I sure was fond of that man.]]
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': Lawrence. I just got back from the hospital. Godawful mess. They got no room. They got no shade, they got men lyin' everywhere! They're cuttin' off arms and legs right out there on front of everybody. They oughta not do that in public, Lawrence. Men oughta have some privacy at a time like that.
:'''Col Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain''': You see Kilrain?
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': ''(nods wordlessly)''
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain''': Well, how is he?
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': ''(looks away)'' Well...Lawrence... he died. ''(takes off kepi)'' Yeah... He died this morning, 'fore I got there. A couple o' the fellows, they, they was with 'im. ''(looks at his brother)'' He said to tell you goodbye... And that he was sorry.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain''': Yeah.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': ''(glances across the field for a moment)'' I tell you, Lawrence... I sure was fond of that man.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain''': ''(forces a smile)'' Yeah.

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:'''Maj. Gen. J.E.B. Stuart''': You wish to see me, sir?
:'''General Robert E. Lee''': ''(nods and sighs)'' It is the opinion of some... excellent officers that you have let us all down.
:'''Maj. Gen. J.E.B. Stuart''': ''(looking angry, voice raising)'' General Lee, sir, if you will please tell me who these ''gentlemen'' are...
:'''General Robert E. Lee''': ''(quietly but sharply)'' There will be none of that. There is no time.
:'''Maj. Gen. J.E.B. Stuart''': Sir, I only ask that I be allowed to defend my...
:'''General Robert E. Lee''': ''(sharper, and louder)'' There is no time. ''(Stuart stares for a moment in stunned silence)'' General Stuart... your mission was to free this army from the enemy cavalry and report any movement by the enemy's main body. That mission was not fulfilled. You left here with no word of your movement, or movement of the enemy, for several days. Meanwhile, we were engaged here and drawn into battle without adequate knowledge of the enemy's strength or position, without knowledge of the ground. So it is only by God's grace that we did not meet disaster here.
:'''Maj. Gen. J.E.B. Stuart''': General Lee, there were reasons...
:'''General Robert E. Lee''': ''(holds up his hand for silence)'' Perhaps you misunderstood my orders? Perhaps I did not make myself clear. Well, sir... this must be made ''very'' clear. You, sir, with your cavalry, are the eyes of this army. Without your cavalry, we are made blind. That has already happened once. It must never, ''never'' happen again.
:'''Maj. Gen. J.E.B. Stuart''': ''(stares at the floor, then slowly draws his sword, holding it out)'' Sir... since I no longer hold the General's...
:'''General Robert E. Lee''': ''(pounds the table with his fist, suddenly furious)'' I have ''told'' you, there is no time for that! There is no time! ''(Lee pauses, takes a deep breath, and calms down again)'' There is another fight comin' tomorrow, and we need you. We need every man, God knows. You must take what I have told you, and learn from it, as a man does. ''(He takes Stuart's sword and replaces it in its scabbard)'' There has been a mistake. It will not happen again; I know your quality. You are one of the finest cavalry officers I have ever known, and your service to this army has been invaluable. Now... let us speak no more of this. ''(Lee turns and slowly walks away; Stuart stares in silence for a moment, and Lee turns back to him)'' The matter is concluded. Good night, General.

<hr width="50% "/>
:'''Lt. Col. Edward Porter Alexander''': The longer we delay, the more time the Federals have to strengthen their own line. And even if we recover more supplies from the ordnance trains, how much more damage can we inflict on them then they on us? They're bringing in fresh Batteries as quickly as we drive them off.
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': Just get some more ammunition and keep it hot! I cannot send in Pickett's division, or the others, until we clear some of those guns off that [[w:Cemetery Ridge|ridge]]!

<hr width="50% "/>
:''[Director's Cutː Pickett has a private word with Longstreet]''
:'''Maj. Gen. George Pickett''': Well, sir, you are looking fine.
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': Lookin' lovely yourself, George.
:'''Maj. Gen. George Pickett''': General... uh, no reflection on you, sir, but, well...you know, my division, my Virginia boys, we haven't seen all that much action for a long time. I mean, well, we weren't all that engaged at Fredericksburg; we missed Chancellorsville altogether, off on some piddlin' affair. Now they took two of my brigades, Corse and Jenkins, and sent them off to guard Richmond? I mean, ''Richmond'', of all places? And now, sir, do you know where I have been placed in the line of march? Last, sir. That's where I am. Exactly last. I'm bringin' up the damn rear, beg pardon, sir. You see, my boys are beginning to feel a trifle disgusted at this attitude towards them as fightin' men. My boys --
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': George...
:'''Maj. Gen. George Pickett''': Sir?
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': Please.
:'''Maj. Gen. George Pickett''': Oh, I sure don't mean to imply ''you'', sir. No. Hell no, sir. No, it's just, uh... well, the bureaucrats. See, I was just... I was hoping, sir, that you could talk to somebody about this arrangement of the troops.
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': Would you like me to move the whole army to the side so you can go first?
:'''Maj. Gen. George Pickett''': Sir? ''[chuckles]'' Now that you mention it...
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': There ''is'' no plot, George. It's just the way things fell out. I mean, hell, look at it this way. If the army has to turn around, fight its way back... well, ''you'll'' be first in line.
:'''Maj. Gen. George Pickett''': Yes... yes, I suppose that is true, isn't it? You understand, sir. It's just that this whole damn war might be over after one more bout, and my Virginia boys will have missed most of it.
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': Yeah, I know. How far back are they?
:'''Maj. Gen. George Pickett''': Chambersburg. A hard day's march, sir.
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': Mm-hmm... I know I can count on you, George, when the time comes. And it will come. It will come.
:'''Brig. Gen. Lewis Armistead''': ''[walks up]'' Sorry to butt in, but they're calling for George over at the poker table. Your fame, sir, has preceded you.
:'''Maj. Gen. George Pickett''': Well... thank you, General. ''[shakes Longstreet's hand]'' Well...cheerio, fellas.
:'''Brig. Gen. Lewis Armistead''': Don't forget to bring your money.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Tom Berenger|Tom Berenger]] - Lt. Gen. [[w:James Longstreet|James Longstreet]]

* [[Martin Sheen]] - Gen. [[Robert E. Lee]]

* [[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] - Col. [[w:Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain|Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain]]

* [[w:Sam Elliot|Sam Elliot]] - Brig. Gen. [[w:John Buford|John Buford]]

* [[w:Stephen Lang|Stephen Lang]] - Maj. Gen. [[w:George Pickett|George Pickett]]

* [[w:C. Thomas Howell|C. Thomas Howell]] - Lt. [[w:Thomas Chamberlain|Thomas Chamberlain]]

* [[w:Kevin Conway|Kevin Conway]] - Pvt. [[w:Buster Kilrain|Buster Kilrain]]

* [[w:Richard Jordan|Richard Jordan]] - Brig. Gen. [[w:Lewis Armistead|Lewis Armistead]]

* [[w:James Lancaster|James Lancaster]] - Lt. Col. [[w:Arthur Fremantle|Arthur Fremantle]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Gettysburg (1993 film)}}
* [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107007/ IMDB page]

[[Category:1993 films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Epic films]]
[[Category:Films based on novels]]
[[Category:History films]]
[[Category:American Civil War films]]

The Original Kings of Comedy

2018-01-12T03:48:25Z

StjJackson: /* Quotes from stand-up routines */

'''''[[w:The Original Kings of Comedy|The Original Kings of Comedy]]''''' is a 2000 stand-up comedy film, directed by Spike Lee, and features the comedy routines of [[W:Steve Harvey|Steve Harvey]], [[w:D.L. Hughley|D.L. Hughley]], [[w:Cedric the Entertainer|Cedric the Entertainer]], and [[w:Bernie Mac|Bernie Mac]]. Filmed before a live audience in Charlotte, North Carolina, these comedians gives audiences their views about church, kids, black culture, and African-American families.

==Quotes from stand-up routines==
===[[W:Steve Harvey|Steve Harvey]]===
:*''(re: ''[[W:Rae Carruth|Rae Carruth]]'')'': Goddammit, normally when you runnin' from the law, you wanna get a passport... go to [[w:Canada|Canada]]... [[w:Brazil|Brazil]]... [[w:Mexico|Mexico]]... uh-uh, not Ray-Ray! Ray-Ray took his ass to [[w:Nashville|Nashville]]!

:*''(re: ''[[W:Titanic (1997 film)|Titanic]]'')'': The band was playin' as the ship went down. What black band YOU know gon' keep playin, with the damn ship goin down'? [[w:Kool & the Gang|Kool & the Gang]] woulda been unpluggin' shit! ''[acts like picking equipment up with the microphone cord]'' "Man, let's get the fuck outta here! Wrap that shit up. Goddamn it, come on! Wrap this shit up! Let's go! GODDAMN IT, LET'S GO! Get that amplifier off 'fore somebody fuck around and get shocked!"

:*''(re: [[w:The Temptations|The Temptations]] and [[w:soul music|soul music]] vs. [[w:rapping|rappers]] and [[w:hip hop music|hip hop music]])'' ''Five'' Temptations...''one'' mic. Whatever they did, they came back to the mike! Stank-ass rappers make me sick! Now, ev'rybody on the goddamned stage got a mike! Forty motherfucking people! Motherfucker, ''why''? We can't understand what ONE of yo' asses is sayin'!"

:*''(to "Boogie", a hip-hoppish member of the audience, after "Boogie" tells him he attends "computer school" and works in the field of "computer technology")'': I know we shouldn't say this to one another as black people...but you can't ''spell'' motherfucking "technology". I know you shouldn't even judge a book by its cover...but there is ''nothing'' about you, "Boogie", that says "computer"...or "school"!

:*When you go to church that much when you're a kid, you don't really care for church that much. So what you got to do is find little things to like about church, that make you want to go. And the one thing I liked about my church -- it might seem a little strange to you -- but the one thing that made me want to go all the time was when I found out that there was people that cussed at the church. That might not do it for y'all, but dammit, that done it for me.

===[[w:D.L. Hughley|D.L. Hughley]]===
:*You can't fire white folk. You fire white folk, you'd best believe somebody gettin' shot that day. "I'm FIRED? I'll be right back, you sons of bitches...!" You fire a brother, we be mad for a different reason. "How come you didn't call me at home, motherfucker? You knew I was fired yesterday! Makin' me burn up all my goddamn gas..."

:*Nobody love God like black folks. Black folks love us some God. Jesus was black. If Jesus was black, then you know the apostles were black, 'cause wouldn't no 12 white men follow no brother. Not unless they was the police and Jesus had a warrant, huh? They ain't have to describe Jesus to me for me to know he was black. Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine at a wedding. Now, if that ain't black folks' shit, I don't know what is. "Lord, we done ran outta wine!" "Well, you know, normally, I don't do this, but, uh...''[Jesus turns the water into wine with one hand motion]'' gon' head, keep the party goin'."

:*"We're going out of town; you're gonna have to stay with Big Mama." "GOD DAMN! I hate that bitch and she hate me!" Everything you did over your mean grandmama's house gonna run up her light bill. "Don't you come in my house talking loud! You gonna fuck around and run up my light bill! My light bill be sky high cause of yo' little black ass." Got them silly-ass superstitions: "Don't use the phone; there's a rainstorm! Lighting be done struck my house! Then my light bill be sky high!" "It's bad luck opening an umbrella in the house." No, it's bad luck having a hole in your fuckin' roof, that's what's bad luck!

===[[w:Cedric the Entertainer|Cedric the Entertainer]]===
:*Never in life do you hear about a large group of black people getting killed altogether. 'Cuz we run. Nigga, we run when we see somebody else runnin'. We don't ask no questions why we runnin', we don't need no run coordinator to get the runnin' all organized. Nigga, if I'm with you, and you start runnin'...dammit, I'ma start runnin'!

:*I met this dude the other day named Daryl...he gon' tell me to call him "Delicious". "Ced, you can just call me 'Delicious'". ''[Laughs, then becomes serious]'' I'm a grown-ass man, dawg. I ain't gonna call no other dude "Delicious"! What if that nigga way down the street or summin? "'DELICIOUS'!!! Ay, D, hol' up!".

:*''(re: [[W:Luther Vandross|Luther Vandross]])'': I don't do "little" Luther. I like "big, [[w:Jheri curl|curl]]-not-quite-right" Luther. That boy made all that money, and his curl never...*sigh*...his curl never...really...curled all the way over!

===[[w:Bernie Mac|Bernie Mac]]===
:*''(re: whipping a child)'': I will fuck a kid ''up''. When a kid gets one-years-old, I believe you got the right to hit him in either the throat or the stomach. If you grown enough to talk back, you grown enough to get fucked up!

:*If you don't bust a nut when I bust a nut... then you fresh outta fuckin' luck wit' me!

:*''(re: his two-year-old niece and six-year-old effeminate nephew)'': I came home at one o' clock in the morning. The two-year-old send the faggot downstairs for some milk and cookies! I'm comin' upstairs, he walkin' downstairs. He gon' walk past me like I'm a visitor, you know... ''[imitates his nephew's blank stare]''. I said, "where you goin?" ''[as his nephew, in a stereotypically gay voice]'' "To get some milk an' cooookies!" He said it so funny, I wanted to hear him say it again! I said, "some ''what''?" ''[as his nephew]!!'''".

:*I had a white guy tell me... he said, "Bern, why do black folks use the word 'mother-fucker?'" Well, I'm gonna break down what the word "mother-fucker" actually means. "Mother-fucker" is somethin' that black folks have been using for years. It's about expression. Don't be ashamed of the word "mother-fucker." Because the word "mother-fucker" is a noun: it describes a person, place, or thing!

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Original Kings of Comedy, The}}
[[Category:2000 films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Independent films]]
[[Category:Spike Lee films]]
[[Category:Documentary films]]
[[Category:American films]]

Superman II

2017-08-11T00:03:20Z

StjJackson: /* General Zod */

'''''[[w:Superman II|Superman II]]''''' is the [[w:1980 in films|1980]] sequel to ''[[Superman: The Movie]]'' ([[w:1978 in film|1978]]). The story continues the adventures of the orphan Kryptonian, Kal-El, who has become the world's greatest hero. Superman agrees to sacrifice his powers to marry Lois Lane, unaware that three Kryptonian criminals he inadvertently released are conquering Earth.
:''Directed by '''[[w:Richard Lester|Richard Lester]]'''. ''Story by '''[[w:Mario Puzo|Mario Puzo]]'', ''Screenplay by Mario Puzo & David Newman''', and ''Leslie Newman''.
:Based on the DC Comics characters created by '''[[w:Jerry Siegel|Jerry Siegel]]''' and '''[[w:Joe Shuster|Joe Shuster]]'''.
<center>'''The three outlaws from Krypton descend to Earth to confront the Man of Steel in a cosmic battle for world supremacy.''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]</center>

==Lex Luthor==
* Think of it. Three… count them, three supervillains! Each one with the powers of Superman! They'll need a contact here on Earth! Someone with the same wonderful contempt for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness!

==General Zod==
* The vote must be unanimous Jor-El. It has therefore now become your decision. You alone will condemn us if you wish and you alone with be held responsible by me...Join us. You have been known to disagree with the Council before. Yours could become an important voice in the New Order, second only to my own. I offer you a chance for greatness, Jor-El. Take it! Join us! You will bow down before me, Jor-El! I swear it! No matter that it takes an eternity! YOU WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME! BOTH YOU AND THEN ONE DAY...YOUR HEIRS!
* So this is planet Houston. A very strange surface!
* I like the glow. It flashes red, like the Krypton sun. But not this disturbing noise. Make way!
* [''after shooting himself, unharmed''] Crude noisemaker.
* I win! I always win. Is there no one on this planet to even challenge me?!
* [''referring to the President''] And he will answer to me! Or all of his cities shall end up like this one!
* I see you are practiced in worshipping things that fly.
* Come to me, son of Jor-El! Kneel before Zod!
* [''to Superman''] And now, finally- take my hand, swear eternal loyalty... to Zod.

==Ursa==
* I have powers beyond ''reason'' here!
* If the whole planet is watching, cannot we show them something more interesting?
* General Zod does not take orders! He ''gives'' them.
* Look- they need machines to fly!
* What kind of a backwards planet is this, where the fighting men wear jewelry and ribbons?

==Others==
* Non, you are as without thought as you are without voice. ~ Kryptonian Councilmember
* Then, if this is what you wish, if you intend to live your life with a mortal, you must live ''as'' a mortal. ~ Lara
* I'll bet you 10 dollars they're from Los Ange-leez. ~ Sheriff as he spots Zod and company in the road
* Keep it on the flame Rock, this is just minute steak. - Trucker at diner

==Dialogue==
:'''Council Member #1''': You three criminals have been caught in a further act of seditious treason! General Zod, your only feeling was contempt for our society; your only desire was to command! Ursa, the only feeling you showed was for your vicious General; your only wish: to rule at his side. Non, you are as without thought as you are without voice. This council has no hesitation in proclaiming you all...
:'''Council Member #2''': Guilty.
:'''Council Member #3''': Guilty.
:'''Council Member #4''': Guilty.
:'''Council Member #5''': Guilty.
:'''Council Member #6''': Guilty.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Perry White''': Kent, I need a story to run with the page three sidebar. Get me everything you can on this terrorist group.
:'''Clark Kent''': Right! ''[stops]'' Uh, sorry. T... terrorists?
:'''Perry White''': Get your head out of the closet, Kent! Where've you been for the past twelve hours?
:'''Clark Kent''': Home.
:'''Perry White''': Well, don't you watch television?
:'''Clark Kent''': Frankly, Mr. White, I really don't enjoy television. Too much violence. I was just reading Dickens.
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': [''races in''] Mr. Kent! A gang of terrorists seized the Eiffel Tower! In Paris!
:'''Perry White''': He knows where the Eiffel Tower is, Olsen! You do, don't you Kent?
:'''Clark Kent''': Yes, sir. Has anybody been hurt?
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Well, so far the hostages are unharmed.
:'''Clark Kent''': The hostages?
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Yeah! Terrorists! About twenty of them!
:'''Perry White''': Yeah, but that's just petty stuff. These guys claim that if the French government doesn't meet their demands, they've got a hydrogen bomb ready to level Paris.
:'''Clark Kent''': Well, geez Mr. White. That's t... terrible!
:'''Perry White''': That's why they call them "terrorists", Kent.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''A Niagara crowd witnesses Superman rescue a plummeting boy'']
:'''Woman''': What a nice man!
:'''Another woman''': Of course he's Jewish.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''After saving the boy, Superman flies behind a hot dog stand and puts on his Clark clothes'']
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois! Um, uh Lois! Uh [''offer Lois her hot dog''] Uh, here you go.
:'''Lois Lane''': Where were you?
:'''Clark Kent''': I was getting hot dogs. ''[Lois takes both hot dogs.]'' What do you mean?
:''The two start walking.''
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, it seems kind of strange to me that every time Superman's around, you disappear.
:'''Clark Kent''': Superman?! I mean, he was here?!
:'''Lois Lane''': Mm hmm.
:'''Clark Kent''': [''looks up''] Golly!
:'''Lois Lane''': And you weren't . . . as usual. So what have you got to say about that?
:'''Clark Kent''': Darn! I forgot your orange juice.
:''[Clark starts to walk away.]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark!
:'''Clark Kent''': No orange juice?

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lex Luthor and Miss Teschmacher explore Superman's Fortress of Solitude.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': It's beautiful! It has everything.
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Wrong.
:''[They exchange a "look".]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Why didn't you go before we left?
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': That was ''two days'' ago.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lois and Clark are still walking.]''
:'''Lois Lane''': You know, it's, it's really amazing. I never started to put it together before now. It's just kind of funny, you know, cause a good reporter isn't supposed to let anything slip by her.
:'''Clark Kent''': No. Course not.
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, uh, I'm beginning to get the picture.
:'''Clark Kent''': As usual, Lois, I-I really don't know what you're talking about. Um, tell you what, I-I'll meet you back at the hotel.
:''Clark starts walking away.''
:'''Lois Lane''': What's your hurry, Superman?
:'''Clark Kent''' ''[stops and turns around]'': Sorry?
:'''Lois Lane''': I gotta admit, you know. Your disguise is nearly perfect. You had me fooled. And I am nobody's fool, believe me.
:'''Clark Kent''': Oh no, of course not, Lois. I mean, you just have an active imagination. You just get carried away sometimes. Believe me, I understand. It can happen to anybody.
:'''Lois Lane''': Listen, I'm so sure you're Superman, that I'm willing to bet my life on it.
:'''Clark Kent''': What?
:'''Lois Lane''' ''[nods her head]'': Now, if I'm right, you'll turn into Superman.
:'''Clark Kent''': Hmm.
:'''Lois Lane''': And if I'm wrong, you've got yourself one hell of a story.
:'''Clark Kent''': You think I'm ''[makes a flying gesture with his arm]'' Superman? ''[Lois nods.]'' Boy, you certainly have some imagination, Lois. Huh. For a minute there, you almost had me convinced ''[turns around and starts walking]'', for a minute.
:'''Lois''': Bye bye Baby!
:[''Lois throws herself into the Falls'']

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''Lex accesses Superman's power crystals, this one makes a Kryptonian professor appear'']
:'''Kryptonian Man''': Literature Lesson #35: "[[w:Joyce Kilmer#"Trees"|Trees]]" by [[w:Joyce Kilmer|Joyce Kilmer]] of Earth. I think I shall never see a poem lovely as a tree . . .
:[''Lex interrupt the lesson intended for Superman by ejecting the power crystal'']
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': I ''like'' trees!
:'''Lex Luthor''': So does your average cocker spaniel.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Spotting the strangely dressed Kryptonians in the road, a sheriff flips on his police lights and siren.]''
:'''Sheriff''': Hey, ya hippies! Get your butts off the road!
:'''General Zod''': I like the glow that flashes red like our Krypton sun. But not this irritating noise. Make way.
:'''Sheriff''': Did I hear right? That son of a bitch give me an order?!
:''[He hands a shotgun to his deputy.]''
:'''Sheriff''': Dwayne, you take care of him.
:'''Dwayne''': But I—
:'''Sheriff''': Dwayne, you gotta learn to kick ass, you wanna be a peacemaker.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''In East Houston, Non is about to destroy a TV newscrew's equipment, but he is stopped by Zod''
:'''General Zod''': Wait! Who else is seeing this?
:'''Reporter''': Ah . . . well, with this satellite link up, uh . . . just about everybody. I mean, the whole planet!
:'''General Zod''': The whole planet Houston?
:'''Reporter''': Earth. The whole planet Earth.
:''Zod looks arrogantly into the camera''
:'''General Zod''': You may continue.
:'''Reporter''': As the extraordinary story continues . . . as this extraordinary st—
:'''Ursa'''{petulantly}: Enough of this nonsense! If the whole planet is watching, can't we show them something more interesting?
:''A US Army battalion has been deployed to East Houston''
:'''Army Major'''{via bullhorn}: Throw down your arms and surrender! This is an order!
:'''Ursa''': General Zod does not take orders. He gives them.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After Zod literally blows off a flamethrower attack from soldiers . . .]''
:'''Reporter''': I haven't seen the likes of this since Superman.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[An Army helicopter fires on the Kryptonians, to no effect.]''
:'''Ursa''': Look! They need machines to fly!
:'''General Zod''': What bravery! Be nice to them, my dear. Blow them a kiss.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''East Houston is in ruins. US Army battalion surrenders to the Zod trio'']
:'''Ursa''': Come forward. Your General wishes to speak.
:'''General Zod''': I am General Zod. Your ruler. Yes, today begins a new order! Your lands, your possessions, your very lives will gladly be given in tribute to me, General Zod. In return for your obedience, you will enjoy my generous protection. In other words, you will be allowed to live. [''Zod rips an Army general's stars from his shoulder''] So you are a general too? And who is your superior?
:'''Army General''': I answer only to the President.
:'''General Zod''': And he will answer to me! Or all of his cities will end up like this one.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''In the Fortress of Solitude, with Lois watching, Superman addresses the image of his Kryptonian mother, Lara'']
:'''Lara''': Your father and I tried to anticipate your every question, Kal-El. This is the one we hoped you would not ask.
:'''Superman''': But I have to, because... she's everything I want in life.
:'''Lara''': And she, the one you have chosen, she feels as much for you?
:'''Superman''': Yes.
:'''Lara''': Then, if this is what you wish, if you intend to live your life with a mortal, you must live as a mortal. You must become one of them.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Superman has lost his powers to be with Lois Lane]''
:'''Lois Lane''': You did all that for me, I don't know what to say.
:'''Superman''': Just say you love me.
:''[Lois is very touched upon hearing this.]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The U.S. president watches on TV as Zod, Ursa, and Non remake Mount Rushmore in their own images.]''
:'''President''': Thousands of hours to create, and they defaced it in seconds. Imagine what they'll do to the world if we resist!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Zod demands that the president kneel before him. The man complies.]''
:'''General Zod''': You are not the President. No one who leads so many could possibly kneel so quickly.
:''[The real President emerges from the group.]''
:'''President''': I am the man they're protecting. I'm the President. I'll kneel before you if it will save lives.
:'''General Zod''': It will. Starting with your own.
:'''President''': What I do now, I do for the sake of the people of the world. But there is one man here on Earth who will never kneel before you.
:'''General Zod''': Who is this imbecile? Where is he?
:'''President''': I wish I knew. [''kneels before Zod''] Oh, God...
:'''General Zod''': Zod.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''[After losing his superpowers, Clark gets beaten by rude diner patron "Rocky"'']
:'''Clark Kent''': I think... think maybe we oughta hire a bodyguard from now on.
:'''Lois Lane''': I don't want a bodyguard. I want the man I fell in love with.
:'''Clark Kent''': I know that, Lois. I wish he were here.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Clark and Lois watch the President address the nation on TV.]''
:'''President''': This is your President. On behalf of my country, and in the name of the other leaders of the world, with whom I have today consulted, I hereby abdicate all authority and control over this planet . . . to General Zod.
:'''Clark Kent''': Zod!
:'''President''': Only by strict compliance with all his directions will the lives of innocent millions be spared . . . ''[desperately]'' Superman! Can you hear me? Superman! Where—?
:''[The camera pans to Zod as he grabs a microphone.]''
:'''General Zod''': Who is this "Superman"?!
:'''President''': You'll find out, General, and when you do—
:'''General Zod''': Come to me, Superman! If you dare. I defy you! Come! Come and kneel before Zod! Zod!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Non, Ursa, and Zod lounge about the Oval Office, bored.]''
:'''Ursa''': You're master of all you survey.
:'''General Zod''': So I was yesterday. And the day before.
:''[Lex Luthor waves a white handkerchief in the doorway, knocks, then enters.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Hello, there. Lex Luthor. Lex Luthor. Possibly you've heard of the name — the greatest, eh, criminal mind on Earth?
:'''Ursa''': I told you this was a puny planet.
:''[She and Non advance on Lex]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Wait just a moment! Wait— till you get to know me better, will you, please? ''[laughs nervously]'' Wait! Look! I-I-I-I-I can give you, uh, anything you want! I-I can give you the brass ''ring''! The… uh, unlimited freedom to maim, kill, destroy! Plus . . . Lex Luthor's keen mind, Lex Luthor's savvy . . . [He grasps Ursa's hand.] . . . Lex Luthor's career guidance, Lex Luthor's school of better re—
:''[Ursa squeezes. Lex grimaces as his bones audibly crunch.]''
:'''General Zod''': We have all of this without you. You cannot bargain with what you don't have.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Oh, Magnificent One. ''[bows]'' What I am bargaining with is what ''you'' do not have. The Son of Jor-El.
:''(Non turns to General Zod, clearly intrigued by Luthor's offer)''
:'''General Zod''': ''(taken aback)'' The ''son'' of Jor-El?
:'''Lex Luthor''': I said that, didn't I?
:'''General Zod''': Jor-El, our jailer?
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''(sarcastically)'' No Jor-El the baseball player.... ''(seeing Non and Ursa start toward him)'' Uh yes! Jor-El, your jailer.
:'''General Zod''': ''(still at a loss)'' The Son or Jor-El! On this planet?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Ah, possibly you know him better by his nom de voyage, or his . . . name he travels under — Superman.
:'''General Zod''': ''(everything now making sense)'' Ah, so this is Superman. How do you know of Jor-El?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Oh, my Fullness . . . as I explained to you before . . . I'm about the best there is.
:'''General Zod''': Revenge! We will kill the son of our jailer!
:'''Ursa''': Revenge!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Revenge! Heh heh, now we're cooking, huh?
:'''General Zod''': He flies, then?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Constantly.
:'''General Zod''': He has powers as we do?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Certainly, but, uh . . . oh, Magnificent One, he is . . . just one, where you are . . . three!
:''[Non growls menacingly]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Or four, if you count him twice.
:'''General Zod''': We will bring him to his knees!
:'''Ursa''': Praying!
:'''General Zod''': Yes, to me!
:''[Zod strides toward the door, Ursa and Non following]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Wait!
:''[They turn back to Lex]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': First you must find him. And Lex Baby is the only one who knows where he is.
:'''General Zod''': What . . . do you want?
:''[Lex makes himself at home in the President's chair and lights a cigar.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Well, General . . . the world is a big place. Thank goodness, uh . . . my needs are small. Eh, as it turns out, I have this affinity for, uh . . . beachfront property.
:'''General Zod''': ''(approaching Luthor and mildly irked)'' What do you want?
:''[Lex, feet up on the Oval Office desk, makes a Nixonian double-V sign with his fingers]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Australia!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lex, walking through the Daily Planet, observes the destruction wrought by Non.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[muttering]'' Even with all this accumulated knowledge, when will these dummies learn to use a doorknob?
:''[He enters Perry White's office.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Hi! You should see the White House. They'll be cleaning it for months.
:'''Lois Lane''': Lex Luthor.
: . . .
:''[Lex suggests that Superman will emerge if Lois Lane is threatened.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': They're the best of friends. ''[snickers]'' You know what I mean?
:'''Ursa''': What an undemanding male this Superman must be.
:'''Lois Lane''': Yeah, and you could use a tuck here and there yourself, sister.
: . . .
:'''General Zod''': She lives for now. Kill the rest. ''[nods to Lex]'' Starting with him.
:'''Lex Luthor''': W— w— wait! W-wait! Wait! Don't you remember the White House? The- the Oval Room? We had a few laughs, right? Oh, it's Australia, ''Australia!'' It's too much, right, okay forget it. I can turn over a new leaf...a tree, a whole forest.
:''[Superman arrives, floating just outside Perry White's office window.]''
:'''Superman''': General? Would you care to step outside?
:'''Lois Lane''': Superman!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Superman! Thank God. [''Zod looks sharply at Lex''] I mean, get him!
:'''General Zod''': Come to me, son of Jor-El! ''Kneel'' before Zod!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''General Zod''': Son of Jor-El. We were beginning to think you were a coward.
:'''Superman''': I'm not a coward, Zod.
:'''Ursa''': Let him prove it!
:'''General Zod''': Possibly not. It is extremely likely you are merely a fool. Like father, like son.
:'''Superman''': Somehow I just can't hear you, Zod.
:''[Zod fetches slab of concrete and prepares to throw it at Superman.]''
:'''General Zod''': Then die as you deserve to!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''General Zod''': This . . . Superman is nothing of the kind! I've discovered his weakness.
:'''Ursa''': Yes.
:'''General Zod''': He cares. He actually cares for these Earth people.
:'''Ursa''': Like pets?
:'''General Zod''': I suppose so.
:'''Ursa''': Sentimental idiot.
:''(Superman rams the mammoth radio antenna back onto the Metropolis State Building, onto the momentarily supine Non)''
:'''Ursa''': He's caged Non.
:'''General Zod''': I'll draw his fire . . . with some of my own.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Man in Crowd #1''': They killed Superman!
:'''Man in Crowd #2''': Let's go get 'em!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Superman flies off, abandoning Metropolis to Zod]''
:'''General Zod''': Our victory is complete. The Son of Jor-El has fled.
:'''Jimmy Olson''': Superman fled?
:'''Perry White''': I don't believe you!
:'''Lex Luthor''': You heard him. Three against one.
:'''General Zod''': He fled in fear of us!
:'''Lois Lane''': ''(shakily)'' He'll be back! As long as he's alive, he's going to try again.
:'''General Zod''': The next time we will kill him.
:'''Lex Luthor''': The next time? The next time? What am I gonna do with you people, huh? I held up my end. I delivered the Blue Boy. What do I get for my triple threat? "Bow! Yield! Kneel!" That kind of stuff closes out of town.
:'''General Zod''': Why do you say this to me… when you know I will kill you for it?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Kill me? Lex Luthor? Extinguish the greatest criminal flame of our age? Eradicate the only man on Earth with—
:'''Ursa''': Kill him!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Superman's address?

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Zod and company arrive at the Fortress of Solitude, Lex and Lois in tow.]''
:'''General Zod''': Scruffy. So morbid! A sentimental replica of a planet long since vanished! No style at all!
:'''Superman''': ''[off-camera]'' I expect better manners from my guests, Zod.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''General Zod''': Now. The son of Jor-El will be my slave . . . forever. If not, the millions of Earthlings you protect will pay for your defiance. Destroy this place.
:''[Lex finally makes his way down the crystal walls.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Hi, guys. Uh, sorry I'm late—
:'''General Zod''': We have no more use for this one. Kill him.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Me?! Lex Luthor? General . . . y-you came to me with nothing! I gave you Superman!
:'''General Zod''': Silence!
:''[Non pushes Lex, who moves off.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Watch it! Don't touch me.
:''[Lex approaches Superman.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[muttering, to Superman]'' Guy's a clod! ''[laughs nervously]'' Promises were made, gifts exchanged, I . . . I gotta hand it to you, you know. You always told the truth. Guy always knew where he stood with you.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': ''[whispering to Lex Luthor]'': Try to get them all into this molecular chamber.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Huh?
:'''Superman''': It takes away their powers. See—
:'''Lex Luthor''': Ahh!
:'''Superman''': And turns them into ordinary human beings.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Hmm.
:'''Superman''': Now, if you could—
:''General Zod approaches them.''
:'''Superman''': Shh! Shh!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Don't go in there, General. It's a trap.
:'''Superman''': Luthor, you poisonous snake!
:'''Lex Luthor''': That's a molecule chamber. It makes people like you . . . into people like me.
:'''General Zod''': You've done well, Lex Luthor.
:'''Lex Luthor''': General, um, the crystal there activates the mechanism.
:'''General Zod''': Lex Luthor, ruler of Australia, activate the machine.
:''Non grabs Luthor from behind and flies him to the machine.''
:'''Lex Luthor''' ''[on the way there]'': Hugh! Whoa! Wuh!
:''The two land.''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Thank you. ''[grabs the crystal]'' ''[to General Zod]'' With your permission.
:''General Zod nods. Luthor places the crystal into the machine. Superman sighs while Lois cries. Superman walks into the chamber. Lois continues crying. The machine activates. Lois puts her hand to her face. Superman steps out of the chamber''
:'''Superman''': Huh, huh.
:''Lois continues crying. General Zod beckons Superman to come to him. Superman sighs and obeys.''
:'''General Zod''': And now ''[Lois sniffles and continues to do so.]'', . . . finally. ''[motions Superman to kneel, and Superman obeys]'' Take my hand and swear eternal loyalty to Zod.
:''Superman takes Zod's hand and crushes it, causing Zod to scream in pain. Superman lets go of Zod's hand, grabs Zod and lifts him into the air while standing up. Superman looks at Zod and shakes his head. He then throws Zod, who falls to his death. Non growls and attempts to fly, only to discover that he cannot. He loses his balance and falls to his death while screaming.''
:'''Lex Luthor''': He switched it. He did it to them. I mean the lights were on out here . . . while he was safe in there.
:'''Lois Lane''' ''[to Ursa]'': Hey, you know something? ''[grabs Ursa's arm and gets out of her grip.]'' You're a real pain in the neck!
:''Lois punches Ursa who falls to her death screaming.''

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': I'd knew you'd double-cross me, Luthor. A lying weasel like you couldn't resist the chance.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Are you kidding? That was ''beautiful''! Did you see the way they fell into our trap!
:'''Superman''': Too late, Luthor! Too late.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Back at the Daily Planet, Clark nervously enters the office of a brooding Lois]''
:'''Clark Kent''': Hi.
:'''Lois Lane''': Hi.
:'''Clark Kent''': How'd you sleep, all right?
:'''Lois Lane''': No, I didn't close my eyes all night.
:'''Clark Kent''': Look, Lois—
:'''Lois Lane''': I understand. I understand. I sat up all ''night'' listening to the voices of reason. Do you know how vile it is to hear the first bird of the morning singing, when you've been sitting up all night, crying?
:'''Clark Kent''': I'm sorry.
:'''Lois Lane''': I'm sorry, too. I guess it's, uh… sorta like being married to a doctor, you know. The doctor gets wakened in the middle of the night, and then the wife has to cope with the fact that he's gone. I guess I'm just too selfish.
:'''Clark Kent''': No, no, you're not selfish at all.
:'''Lois Lane''': Yes, I ''am'' selfish when it comes to you. I ''am'' selfish. And I'm jealous of the ''whole world''.
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, it may not be easy for you to hear this now, but… someday, you'll—
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark! Look. Don't tell me that I'll ''meet'' somebody. You're kinda… tough act to follow, you know? Now, I'm gonna be fine. You don't have to worry about me.
:'''Clark Kent''': I like worrying about you.
:''[Lois fights more sobbing as she continues.]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Would you ''stop''? Don't you know that this is ''killing'' me? Do you know what it's like to have you come in here, every morning, and not be able to talk to you? Not be able to… show I have any feelings for you, not… be able to tell anyone I know who you are? I don't even know what to ''call'' you!
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, I don't know what to say.
:'''Lois Lane''': I dunno, just... say that you love me.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Clark returns to the diner where he was beaten by Rocky, who is stuffing his face.]''
:'''Rocky''': Gimme another plate of this garbage.
:'''Waitress Ann''': Garbage?! That's my number one special, Rocky!
:'''Rocky''': All right, Ann! Gimme some more coffee, too, will ya?
:'''Clark Kent''': Gee, that's funny. I've never seen garbage eat garbage before. Excuse me, sir, I believe you're sitting in my favorite seat.
:'''Rocky''': Come and get it, four-eyes.
:''Rocky moves to punch Clark, who picks him up and throws him across the room, where Rocky's butt lands into the table of a pinball machine and he breaks the backglass, making various pinball jingles. Truckstop patrons and the counterman look in awe''
:'''Clark Kent''': Sorry about that sir. This should cover you for damages.
:''Clark hands a wad of cash to the counterman, who still looks dumbfounded''
:'''Clark Kent''': I'm, uh, terribly sorry about all the damage, sir. Oh, I've been, uh… uh, working out.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Inside the ceiling-less Oval Office, the President sees Superman arrive with a new dome.]''
:'''Superman''': Good afternoon, Mr. President! Sorry I've been away so long. I won't let you down again.

==Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut==
'''''[[w:Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut|Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut]]''''' is an offical 2006 re-edit of Richard Lester's 1980 film, ''Superman II'' and sequel to Richard Donner's ''[[Superman: The Movie]]'' (1978).
:''Directed by '''[[w:Richard Donner|Richard Donner]]''' and written by '''[[w:Mario Puzo|Mario Puzo]]''', '''David Newman''', and '''Leslie Newman'''.
:Based on the DC Comics characters created by '''[[w:Jerry Siegel|Jerry Siegel]]''' and '''[[w:Joe Shuster|Joe Shuster]]'''.
<center> '''The Version You Have Never Seen''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]</center>

===Lex Luthor===
* That's Kryptonite, Superman. A little souvenir from the old home town?
* You were great in your day, Superman. But it just stands to reason! When it came time to cash in your chips, this old...diseased maniac would be your banker. Mind over muscle?
* ''Wrong Lex?'' Miss Teschmacher, those are two words we don't use in the same sentence.
* "''Funny''" is a person trying to smile without any teeth.

===Kal-El / Superman===
* Father? If you can hear me, I failed. I failed you, I failed myself, and... and all humanity. I traded my birthright for a life submission in a world that's ruled by your enemies. There's nobody left to help them now... the people of the world... not since I... FATHER!!

* General, haven't you ever heard of freedom of the press? ''[alternate line of "General, would you care to step outside?"]''

===Dialogue===
:'''Jor-El''': I ask you now to pronounce judgment on those accused: on this ''[referring to Non]''... this mindless aberration, whose only means of expression are wanton violence and destruction. On the woman Ursa, whose perversions and unreasoning hatred of all mankind have threatened even the children of the planet Krypton. Finally, General Zod - chief architect of this intended revolution, and author of this insidious plot, to establish a "New Order" amongst us - with himself as absolute ruler! The decision of the Council will now be heard.
:'''Council Member 1''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 2''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 3''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 4''': Guilty.
:'''General Zod''': The vote must be unanimous, Jor-El. It has therefore now become your decision. You alone will condemn us, if you wish, and you alone will be held responsible by me. ''[Jor-El signals the Phantom Zone]'' You will bow down before me, Jor-El! I swear it! No matter that it takes an eternity! YOU WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!! BOTH YOU AND THEN, ONE DAY, YOUR HEIRS!!!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Clark and Lois enter Mr. White's office]''
:'''Clark Kent''': Good Morning, Lois. How are you today?
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, I'm just ''super''. Thanks.
:'''Clark Kent''': Good morning, Mr. White.
:'''Lois Lane''': [''elbows Clark''] I'm ''super''.
:'''Perry White''': Yeah, morning. You're late, Kent.
:'''Clark Kent''': Yeah, uh, sorry, Mr. White. I got stuck in traffic.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, that's a new one.
:'''Clark Kent''': Excuse me?
:'''Lois Lane''': I mean, as opposed to: "I got stuck in a phone booth" or "I got locked in the men's bathroom".
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, what are you talking about? I'm sorry I was late-
:'''Perry White''': If you two wanna bicker, that's great! I have just the assignment for you. You're gonna pose as a honeymoon couple in Niagara Falls to get an expose on the newlywed racket. Some of the hotels up there are just bilking those poor kids for every cent they can get. Real human-interest stuff, though. Make your Aunt Hatie cry her eyes out.
:'''Clark Kent''': Um, newlyweds?
:'''Lois Lane''': That is a great idea, Mr. White!
:'''Clark Kent''': Excuse me, Mr. White, I'm sorry, but I'm right in the middle of a series on the city council and I-
:'''Lois Lane''': I mean, it wouldn't take long! We could just fly right up there and zoom back down again. No, Superman?
:'''Perry White''': Ha! Yeah. If he'd give you two a ride, maybe we could save a couple bucks.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Clark Kent''': Well, my goodness, you sure look like the cat that has swallowed the canary this morning.
:'''Lois Lane''': A canary? No, I was thinking of something a lot more bigger. Something that flies. Something more in blue.
:'''Clark Kent''': Uh, Lois, as usual, I'm totally in the dark-
:'''Lois Lane''': Let me just turn on the lights for you then. [''shows Clark Superman's picture with Clark's discription drawn on it''] Get the picture?
:'''Clark Kent''': Hmm...
:'''Lois Lane''': You know, I didn't start to put this together until this morning, which is really strange because a good reporter isn't supposed to let anything slip by her.
:'''Clark Kent''': Hmm. Well that's, um, very amusing. Yes. Excuse me.
:'''Lois Lane''': Amusing?
:'''Clark Kent''': Yes siree. That's, uh, that's very ammusing.
:'''Lois Lane''': Amusing, huh? Tall, broad sholders, dark hair; I gotta give you credit, you really had me fooled. And I'm nobody's fool... Superman.
:'''Clark Kent''': S-Superman? You mean you think I'm Superman?
:'''Lois Lane''': Willing to bet my life on it.
:'''Clark Kent''': [''laughs''] Lois, you know, you are priceless. Really! I mean that is the single most ridiculous thing I've ever - ''[Lois opens a window]'' Lois, what are you doing!?
:'''Lois Lane''': You wouldn't let me die, Superman! [''she jumps'']

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[An alarm sounds off in jail. Otis grabs a basket full of prisoners' uniforms and joins Luthor, who is serving time behind bars for his previous crime in the first movie.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': So this is how it ends for the Greatest Criminal Mind for Our Time. Not with a whimper. Not with a bang. How do they choose to reward Lex Luthor, the Greatest Genius in this World? Do they give him glory? Do they give him treasure? What matter in fact do they give him?
:'''Guard''': Life plus 25, Luthor. Get to work.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Otis''': How're we gonna get over that wall?
:'''Lex Luthor''': How'd we get in here?
:'''Otis''': We flew in, doncha remember?
:'''Lex Luthor''': That's how we're gonna get out.
:'''Otis''': Oh, no! Not that guy...
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': [Offscreen from a baloon] Psst.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Shh! Did you do "psst?"
:'''Otis''': I wish I had, Mr. Luthor, before we left.
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': Psst.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Not that "psst", that "psst."
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': Psst.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Psst.
:'''Otis''': Psst.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Don't go "psst" when I go "psst".
:'''Otis''': Oh.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Get out there and find it.
:'''Otis''': Okay. What am I looking for?
:'''Lex Luthor''': You'll know it when you see it.
:'''Otis''': Oh. Psst.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''After Miss Teschmacher rescues Lex from prison'']
:'''Lex Luthor''': Miss Teschmacher, how would you like to go on a vacation?
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': A vacation!? Do I get to wear a bikini, Lex? Please tell me you thought about me in a bikini, Lex?
:'''Lex Luthor''': No, actually I thought about you in a parka.
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': You thought about me in a parka!? You are sick, Lex. You're really sick.
:'''Lex Luthor''': That's possible. ''[points]'' North, Miss Teschmacher. Due north.
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': Um, Lex...''[points the other way]'' North!
:'''Lex Luthor''': That's what I said North!
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': Well, you said -
:'''Lex Luthor''': Don't repeat what I just said.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': You are Superman, aren't you?
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, now we've been through these haullcinations of yours before. Can't you see what you almost did? Throwing yourself off a building 30 stories high? Can't you see what a tragic mistake you almost made?
:'''Lois Lane''': I made a mistake? I made a mistake because I risked my life instead of yours.
:[''Lois pulls a gun on Clark'']
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois! Don't be insane!
:'''Lois Lane''': And don't fall down 'cause you're just going to have to get up again!
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, don't be crazy! LOIS!
:[''Lois fires at Clark, who is not affected'']
:'''Lois Lane''': It is you. I guess I've know it for the longest time.
:[''Clark removes his glasses and reveales himself as Superman'']
:'''Superman''': You realize, of course, if you'd been wrong, Clark Kent would've killed.
:'''Lois Lane''': With a blank? Gotcha!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After Kal-El and Lois sleep together in the Fortress of Solitude, Kal-El addresses the image of his father, Jor-El]''
:'''Jor-El''': The people of your planet are well pleased with you, Kal-El. You have served them faithfully and they are grateful for it. And yet you have returned to reason with me once again. My son, I have tried to anticipate your ever question. This is one I'd... hoped you would not ask.
:'''Kal-El''': My attatchments, um, the feelings which I have developed for a certain human being have deeply affected me, Father.
:'''Jor-El''': You cannot serve humanity by investing your time and emotion in one human being at the expence of the rest. The concepts are mutally exclusive.
:'''Kal-El''': And if I no longer wish to serve humanity...
:'''Jor-El''': Is this how you repay their gratitude? By abandoning the weak, the defenceless, the needy for the sake of you selfish pursuits?
:'''Kal-El''': Selfish!? After all I've done for them? Will there ever come a time when I've served enough? At least they get a chance for happiness. I only ask as much, no more.
:'''Jor-El''': Yours is a higher happiness. The fulfillment of your mission, as inspiration you must have felt. You must have felt that happiness within you. My son, surely you cannot deny that feeling.
:'''Kal-El''': No, I cannot... any more than I can deny the other, which is stronger in me, Father. So much stronger. Is there no way then, Father? Must I finally be denied the one thing in life which I truly desire?
:'''Jor-El''': If you will not be Kal-El, if you will live as one of them, love their kind as one of them, then it follows that you must become one of them. This crystal chamber has in it the harnessed rays of the red sun of Krypton. Once exposed to them all your great powers on Earth will disappear... forever. Once this is done, there's no going back. You will feel like an ordinary man and you can be harmed like an ordinary man. Think, Kal-El, I beg you.
:'''Kal-El''': Father... I love her.
:'''Jor-El''': Think, Kal-El.
:''[Kal-El steps into the chamber]''

<hr width="50%"/>
''[Extended version with Lex visiting the villians in the Oval Office]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Oh, Magnificent One. ''[bows]'' What I am bargaining with is what ''you'' do not have. The Son of Jor-El.
:'''General Zod''': The Son or Jor-El!
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[to himself]'' I said that right?
:'''General Zod''': Jor-El!? Our jailor?
:'''Lex Luthor''': No, Jorel the baseball player... ''[Non growls]'' Yes, Jor-El, your jailor. Ah, possibly you know him better by his ''nom de voyage'', or his... name he travels under — Superman.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jor-El''': Listen carefully, my son, for we shall never speak again. If you hear me now then you have made use of the only means left in you: The crystal source through which our communications begun. The circle is now complete. You have made a dreadful mistake, Kal-El. You did this of your own free will in spite of all I could say to dissuade you.
:'''Clark Kent''': I, uh...
:'''Jor-El''': Now, you have returned to me for one last chance to redeem yourself. This too finally I have anticipated, my son.
:'''Clark Kent''': Father, no...
:'''Jor-El''': Look at me, Kal-El. Once before when you were small, I died while giving you a chance for life. And now, even though it will exhaust the final energy left within me- Look at me, Kal-El. The Kryptonian prophecy will be at once fulfilled. The son becomes the father, the father becomes the son. Farewell forever, Kal-El. Remember me, my son.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Wouldn't you know it?
:'''General Zod''': ''[thinks Jimmy is Superman]'' This is the son of Jor-El?
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': No, but I bet you're a son of a-
:'''Lois Lane''': Jimmy!
:'''General Zod''': ''[to Lex Luthor]'' You promised me the son of Jor-El.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''General Zod''': Son of Jor-El. We were beginning to think you were a coward.
:'''Clark Kent''': I'm not a coward, Zod.
:'''General Zod''': It is extremely likely you are merely a fool. Like father, like son.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lex Luthor takes Jimmy Olson's cup of coffee]''
:'''Jimmy Olson''': Hey, that's for the chief!
:'''Lex Luthor''': The chief's got it.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Superman flees Metropolis; the villians return to the Daily Planet]''
:'''General Zod''': Our victory is complete. The Son of Jor-El has fled.
:'''Jimmy Olson''': Superman fled?
:'''Perry White''': I don't believe it.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Believe it.
:'''General Zod''': He fled in fear of us!
:'''Lois Lane''': He'll be back! Believe me, he'll be back.
:'''General Zod''': Then next time we will kill him.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Next time? What am I gonna do with you people, huh? I held up my end; I delivered the Blue Boy. What do I get for my triple threat? "Bow! Yield! Kneel!" That kind of stuff closes out of town.
:'''General Zod''': Why do you say this to me when you know I will kill you for it?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Kill me? Lex Luthor? Extinguish the greatest criminal flame of our age? Eradicate the only man on Earth with—
:'''Ursa''': Let me kill him!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Superman's address?
:'''General Zod''': What more do you want? I can see the greed written on your face.
:'''Lex Luthor''': A small incentive, oh Fullest One. A mere bauble to jog the memory.
:'''General Zod''': What more?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Cuba.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''After Superman destroys the Fortress of Solitude'']
:'''Superman''': Look, Lois -
:'''Lois Lane''': No regrets, okay? I did it. I got the man I loved to love me. Didn't I?
:'''Superman''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, okay then. Those people need you. Do you think I don't understand that?
:'''Superman''': We can still see each other, you know. I mean, all the time. But it just can't be -
:[''Lois kisses Superman'']
:'''Lois Lane''': Just don't forget, that's all. Don't ever forget.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Superman returns Lois Lane home]''
:'''Superman''': See you at work in the morning.
:'''Lois Lane''': Bright and early, huh? The same old Clark and the same old Lois.
:'''Superman''': Yep.
:'''Lois Lane''': Except, maybe I won't be quite so mean to you from now on. You don't have to worry. Your secret's safe with me.
:'''Superman''': I know. I know that, Lois. [''flies off'']
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, there he goes, kid. Up, up, and away.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''Clark arrives for work the next day after he turned back time again'']
:'''Clark Kent''': [''hangs his coat up''] Good morning, Lois. [''his coat falls down; Lois ignores him''] Good morning, Lois.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh. Hi, Clark.
:'''Clark Kent''': Jeepers, I have seen some faraway looks in my time, but with that look, you might as well be on the North Pole.
:'''Lois Lane''': The North Pole! No, that's too silly. Did you ever feel like you knew something that was so important that... No, you never did. I mean, I'm sitting on the single most important story of my career and I can't even remember what it is.
:'''Clark Kent''': Well, knowing- knowing you it must be about Superman. Maybe how he saved the city or saved the world or saved the universe.
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark, Clark. Listen, jealousy's really not counterproductive. Now there's some things that you can do.
:'''Clark Kent''': Oh, yeah? Really? Like what?
:'''Lois Lane''': Like... get us a pizza!
:'''Clark Kent''': A pizza? Now?
:'''Lois Lane''': Yah, I'm hungry.
:'''Clark Kent''': Actually, I don't think Mr. White would like it if -
:'''Lois Lane''': I'll pay for half of it, all right.
:'''Clark Kent''': I'm going. [''gets his coat and hat''] Lois, you know about the pizza? It's okay. I'll pay for the whole thing.
:'''Lois Lane''': You know you really are super!
:[''Clark stops and glares at her thinking she was about to say "Superman"'']

==Taglines==
===Superman II===
* The Adventure Continues.
* Miraculously freed from eternal orbit, the three outlaws from Krypton descend to earth, for ultimate confrontation.
* The three outlaws from Krypton descend to Earth to confront the Man of Steel in a cosmic battle for world supremacy.
* The Man of Steel meets his match!
* The Man of Steel is back, and better than ever!

===Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut===
* As Originally Conceived and Intended.
* The Version You Have Never Seen.
* A Hero Revealed, A Vision Restored.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Gene Hackman|Gene Hackman]] — [[w:Lex Luthor|Lex Luthor]]
* [[Christopher Reeve]] — [[w:Superman|Kal-El, Superman]] / [[w:Clark Kent|Clark Kent]]
* [[w:Marlon Brando|Marlon Brando]] - [[w:Jor-El|Jor-El]] (only appears in ''The Richard Donner Cut'')
* [[w:Ned Beatty|Ned Beatty]] — Otis
* [[w:Jackie Cooper|Jackie Cooper]] — [[w:Perry White|Perry White]]
* [[w:Sarah Douglas|Sarah Douglas]] — Ursa
* [[w:Margot Kidder|Margot Kidder]] — [[w:Lois Lane|Lois Lane]]
* [[w:Jack O'Halloran|Jack O'Halloran]] — Non
* [[w:Valerie Perrine|Valerie Perrine]] — Eve Teschmacher
* [[w:Susannah York|Susannah York]] — [[w:Lara Lor-Van|Lara Lor-Van]] (theatrical version)
* [[w:Clifton James|Clifton James]] — Sheriff
* [[w:E.G. Marshall|E.G. Marshall]] — The President
* [[w:Marc McClure|Marc McClure]] — [[w:Jimmy Olsen|Jimmy Olsen]]
* [[w:Terence Stamp|Terence Stamp]] — [[w:General Zod|General Zod]]

==See also==
* ''[[Superman: The Movie]]'' (1978)
* ''[[Superman Returns]]'' (2006)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{imdb title|id=0081573|title=Superman II}}
*{{imdb title|id=0081573|title=Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut}}
*{{rotten-tomatoes|id=superman_ii|title=Superman II}}
*{{rotten-tomatoes|id=superman_ii|title=Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Superman 2}}
[[Category:Superman films]]
[[Category:1980 films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Comic book films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:Romance films]]
[[Category:Journalist films]]
[[Category:Moon-related films]]
[[Category:Films about altered memories]]

Superman II

2017-08-11T00:01:13Z

StjJackson: /* General Zod */

'''''[[w:Superman II|Superman II]]''''' is the [[w:1980 in films|1980]] sequel to ''[[Superman: The Movie]]'' ([[w:1978 in film|1978]]). The story continues the adventures of the orphan Kryptonian, Kal-El, who has become the world's greatest hero. Superman agrees to sacrifice his powers to marry Lois Lane, unaware that three Kryptonian criminals he inadvertently released are conquering Earth.
:''Directed by '''[[w:Richard Lester|Richard Lester]]'''. ''Story by '''[[w:Mario Puzo|Mario Puzo]]'', ''Screenplay by Mario Puzo & David Newman''', and ''Leslie Newman''.
:Based on the DC Comics characters created by '''[[w:Jerry Siegel|Jerry Siegel]]''' and '''[[w:Joe Shuster|Joe Shuster]]'''.
<center>'''The three outlaws from Krypton descend to Earth to confront the Man of Steel in a cosmic battle for world supremacy.''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]</center>

==Lex Luthor==
* Think of it. Three… count them, three supervillains! Each one with the powers of Superman! They'll need a contact here on Earth! Someone with the same wonderful contempt for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness!

==General Zod==
* The vote must be unanimous Jor-El. It has therefore now become your decision. You alone will condemn if you wish and you alone with be held responsible by me...Join us. You have been known to disagree with the Council before. Yours could become an important voice in the New Order, second only to my own. I offer you a chance for greatness, Jor-El. Take it! Join us! You will bow down before me, Jor-El! I swear it! No matter that it takes an eternity! YOU WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME! BOTH YOU AND THEN ONE DAY YOUR HEIRS!
* So this is planet Houston. A very strange surface!
* I like the glow. It flashes red, like the Krypton sun. But not this disturbing noise. Make way!
* [''after shooting himself, unharmed''] Crude noisemaker.
* I win! I always win. Is there no one on this planet to even challenge me?!
* [''referring to the President''] And he will answer to me! Or all of his cities shall end up like this one!
* I see you are practiced in worshipping things that fly.
* Come to me, son of Jor-El! Kneel before Zod!
* [''to Superman''] And now, finally- take my hand, swear eternal loyalty... to Zod.

==Ursa==
* I have powers beyond ''reason'' here!
* If the whole planet is watching, cannot we show them something more interesting?
* General Zod does not take orders! He ''gives'' them.
* Look- they need machines to fly!
* What kind of a backwards planet is this, where the fighting men wear jewelry and ribbons?

==Others==
* Non, you are as without thought as you are without voice. ~ Kryptonian Councilmember
* Then, if this is what you wish, if you intend to live your life with a mortal, you must live ''as'' a mortal. ~ Lara
* I'll bet you 10 dollars they're from Los Ange-leez. ~ Sheriff as he spots Zod and company in the road
* Keep it on the flame Rock, this is just minute steak. - Trucker at diner

==Dialogue==
:'''Council Member #1''': You three criminals have been caught in a further act of seditious treason! General Zod, your only feeling was contempt for our society; your only desire was to command! Ursa, the only feeling you showed was for your vicious General; your only wish: to rule at his side. Non, you are as without thought as you are without voice. This council has no hesitation in proclaiming you all...
:'''Council Member #2''': Guilty.
:'''Council Member #3''': Guilty.
:'''Council Member #4''': Guilty.
:'''Council Member #5''': Guilty.
:'''Council Member #6''': Guilty.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Perry White''': Kent, I need a story to run with the page three sidebar. Get me everything you can on this terrorist group.
:'''Clark Kent''': Right! ''[stops]'' Uh, sorry. T... terrorists?
:'''Perry White''': Get your head out of the closet, Kent! Where've you been for the past twelve hours?
:'''Clark Kent''': Home.
:'''Perry White''': Well, don't you watch television?
:'''Clark Kent''': Frankly, Mr. White, I really don't enjoy television. Too much violence. I was just reading Dickens.
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': [''races in''] Mr. Kent! A gang of terrorists seized the Eiffel Tower! In Paris!
:'''Perry White''': He knows where the Eiffel Tower is, Olsen! You do, don't you Kent?
:'''Clark Kent''': Yes, sir. Has anybody been hurt?
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Well, so far the hostages are unharmed.
:'''Clark Kent''': The hostages?
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Yeah! Terrorists! About twenty of them!
:'''Perry White''': Yeah, but that's just petty stuff. These guys claim that if the French government doesn't meet their demands, they've got a hydrogen bomb ready to level Paris.
:'''Clark Kent''': Well, geez Mr. White. That's t... terrible!
:'''Perry White''': That's why they call them "terrorists", Kent.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''A Niagara crowd witnesses Superman rescue a plummeting boy'']
:'''Woman''': What a nice man!
:'''Another woman''': Of course he's Jewish.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''After saving the boy, Superman flies behind a hot dog stand and puts on his Clark clothes'']
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois! Um, uh Lois! Uh [''offer Lois her hot dog''] Uh, here you go.
:'''Lois Lane''': Where were you?
:'''Clark Kent''': I was getting hot dogs. ''[Lois takes both hot dogs.]'' What do you mean?
:''The two start walking.''
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, it seems kind of strange to me that every time Superman's around, you disappear.
:'''Clark Kent''': Superman?! I mean, he was here?!
:'''Lois Lane''': Mm hmm.
:'''Clark Kent''': [''looks up''] Golly!
:'''Lois Lane''': And you weren't . . . as usual. So what have you got to say about that?
:'''Clark Kent''': Darn! I forgot your orange juice.
:''[Clark starts to walk away.]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark!
:'''Clark Kent''': No orange juice?

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lex Luthor and Miss Teschmacher explore Superman's Fortress of Solitude.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': It's beautiful! It has everything.
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Wrong.
:''[They exchange a "look".]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Why didn't you go before we left?
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': That was ''two days'' ago.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lois and Clark are still walking.]''
:'''Lois Lane''': You know, it's, it's really amazing. I never started to put it together before now. It's just kind of funny, you know, cause a good reporter isn't supposed to let anything slip by her.
:'''Clark Kent''': No. Course not.
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, uh, I'm beginning to get the picture.
:'''Clark Kent''': As usual, Lois, I-I really don't know what you're talking about. Um, tell you what, I-I'll meet you back at the hotel.
:''Clark starts walking away.''
:'''Lois Lane''': What's your hurry, Superman?
:'''Clark Kent''' ''[stops and turns around]'': Sorry?
:'''Lois Lane''': I gotta admit, you know. Your disguise is nearly perfect. You had me fooled. And I am nobody's fool, believe me.
:'''Clark Kent''': Oh no, of course not, Lois. I mean, you just have an active imagination. You just get carried away sometimes. Believe me, I understand. It can happen to anybody.
:'''Lois Lane''': Listen, I'm so sure you're Superman, that I'm willing to bet my life on it.
:'''Clark Kent''': What?
:'''Lois Lane''' ''[nods her head]'': Now, if I'm right, you'll turn into Superman.
:'''Clark Kent''': Hmm.
:'''Lois Lane''': And if I'm wrong, you've got yourself one hell of a story.
:'''Clark Kent''': You think I'm ''[makes a flying gesture with his arm]'' Superman? ''[Lois nods.]'' Boy, you certainly have some imagination, Lois. Huh. For a minute there, you almost had me convinced ''[turns around and starts walking]'', for a minute.
:'''Lois''': Bye bye Baby!
:[''Lois throws herself into the Falls'']

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''Lex accesses Superman's power crystals, this one makes a Kryptonian professor appear'']
:'''Kryptonian Man''': Literature Lesson #35: "[[w:Joyce Kilmer#"Trees"|Trees]]" by [[w:Joyce Kilmer|Joyce Kilmer]] of Earth. I think I shall never see a poem lovely as a tree . . .
:[''Lex interrupt the lesson intended for Superman by ejecting the power crystal'']
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': I ''like'' trees!
:'''Lex Luthor''': So does your average cocker spaniel.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Spotting the strangely dressed Kryptonians in the road, a sheriff flips on his police lights and siren.]''
:'''Sheriff''': Hey, ya hippies! Get your butts off the road!
:'''General Zod''': I like the glow that flashes red like our Krypton sun. But not this irritating noise. Make way.
:'''Sheriff''': Did I hear right? That son of a bitch give me an order?!
:''[He hands a shotgun to his deputy.]''
:'''Sheriff''': Dwayne, you take care of him.
:'''Dwayne''': But I—
:'''Sheriff''': Dwayne, you gotta learn to kick ass, you wanna be a peacemaker.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''In East Houston, Non is about to destroy a TV newscrew's equipment, but he is stopped by Zod''
:'''General Zod''': Wait! Who else is seeing this?
:'''Reporter''': Ah . . . well, with this satellite link up, uh . . . just about everybody. I mean, the whole planet!
:'''General Zod''': The whole planet Houston?
:'''Reporter''': Earth. The whole planet Earth.
:''Zod looks arrogantly into the camera''
:'''General Zod''': You may continue.
:'''Reporter''': As the extraordinary story continues . . . as this extraordinary st—
:'''Ursa'''{petulantly}: Enough of this nonsense! If the whole planet is watching, can't we show them something more interesting?
:''A US Army battalion has been deployed to East Houston''
:'''Army Major'''{via bullhorn}: Throw down your arms and surrender! This is an order!
:'''Ursa''': General Zod does not take orders. He gives them.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After Zod literally blows off a flamethrower attack from soldiers . . .]''
:'''Reporter''': I haven't seen the likes of this since Superman.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[An Army helicopter fires on the Kryptonians, to no effect.]''
:'''Ursa''': Look! They need machines to fly!
:'''General Zod''': What bravery! Be nice to them, my dear. Blow them a kiss.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''East Houston is in ruins. US Army battalion surrenders to the Zod trio'']
:'''Ursa''': Come forward. Your General wishes to speak.
:'''General Zod''': I am General Zod. Your ruler. Yes, today begins a new order! Your lands, your possessions, your very lives will gladly be given in tribute to me, General Zod. In return for your obedience, you will enjoy my generous protection. In other words, you will be allowed to live. [''Zod rips an Army general's stars from his shoulder''] So you are a general too? And who is your superior?
:'''Army General''': I answer only to the President.
:'''General Zod''': And he will answer to me! Or all of his cities will end up like this one.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''In the Fortress of Solitude, with Lois watching, Superman addresses the image of his Kryptonian mother, Lara'']
:'''Lara''': Your father and I tried to anticipate your every question, Kal-El. This is the one we hoped you would not ask.
:'''Superman''': But I have to, because... she's everything I want in life.
:'''Lara''': And she, the one you have chosen, she feels as much for you?
:'''Superman''': Yes.
:'''Lara''': Then, if this is what you wish, if you intend to live your life with a mortal, you must live as a mortal. You must become one of them.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Superman has lost his powers to be with Lois Lane]''
:'''Lois Lane''': You did all that for me, I don't know what to say.
:'''Superman''': Just say you love me.
:''[Lois is very touched upon hearing this.]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The U.S. president watches on TV as Zod, Ursa, and Non remake Mount Rushmore in their own images.]''
:'''President''': Thousands of hours to create, and they defaced it in seconds. Imagine what they'll do to the world if we resist!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Zod demands that the president kneel before him. The man complies.]''
:'''General Zod''': You are not the President. No one who leads so many could possibly kneel so quickly.
:''[The real President emerges from the group.]''
:'''President''': I am the man they're protecting. I'm the President. I'll kneel before you if it will save lives.
:'''General Zod''': It will. Starting with your own.
:'''President''': What I do now, I do for the sake of the people of the world. But there is one man here on Earth who will never kneel before you.
:'''General Zod''': Who is this imbecile? Where is he?
:'''President''': I wish I knew. [''kneels before Zod''] Oh, God...
:'''General Zod''': Zod.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''[After losing his superpowers, Clark gets beaten by rude diner patron "Rocky"'']
:'''Clark Kent''': I think... think maybe we oughta hire a bodyguard from now on.
:'''Lois Lane''': I don't want a bodyguard. I want the man I fell in love with.
:'''Clark Kent''': I know that, Lois. I wish he were here.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Clark and Lois watch the President address the nation on TV.]''
:'''President''': This is your President. On behalf of my country, and in the name of the other leaders of the world, with whom I have today consulted, I hereby abdicate all authority and control over this planet . . . to General Zod.
:'''Clark Kent''': Zod!
:'''President''': Only by strict compliance with all his directions will the lives of innocent millions be spared . . . ''[desperately]'' Superman! Can you hear me? Superman! Where—?
:''[The camera pans to Zod as he grabs a microphone.]''
:'''General Zod''': Who is this "Superman"?!
:'''President''': You'll find out, General, and when you do—
:'''General Zod''': Come to me, Superman! If you dare. I defy you! Come! Come and kneel before Zod! Zod!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Non, Ursa, and Zod lounge about the Oval Office, bored.]''
:'''Ursa''': You're master of all you survey.
:'''General Zod''': So I was yesterday. And the day before.
:''[Lex Luthor waves a white handkerchief in the doorway, knocks, then enters.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Hello, there. Lex Luthor. Lex Luthor. Possibly you've heard of the name — the greatest, eh, criminal mind on Earth?
:'''Ursa''': I told you this was a puny planet.
:''[She and Non advance on Lex]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Wait just a moment! Wait— till you get to know me better, will you, please? ''[laughs nervously]'' Wait! Look! I-I-I-I-I can give you, uh, anything you want! I-I can give you the brass ''ring''! The… uh, unlimited freedom to maim, kill, destroy! Plus . . . Lex Luthor's keen mind, Lex Luthor's savvy . . . [He grasps Ursa's hand.] . . . Lex Luthor's career guidance, Lex Luthor's school of better re—
:''[Ursa squeezes. Lex grimaces as his bones audibly crunch.]''
:'''General Zod''': We have all of this without you. You cannot bargain with what you don't have.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Oh, Magnificent One. ''[bows]'' What I am bargaining with is what ''you'' do not have. The Son of Jor-El.
:''(Non turns to General Zod, clearly intrigued by Luthor's offer)''
:'''General Zod''': ''(taken aback)'' The ''son'' of Jor-El?
:'''Lex Luthor''': I said that, didn't I?
:'''General Zod''': Jor-El, our jailer?
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''(sarcastically)'' No Jor-El the baseball player.... ''(seeing Non and Ursa start toward him)'' Uh yes! Jor-El, your jailer.
:'''General Zod''': ''(still at a loss)'' The Son or Jor-El! On this planet?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Ah, possibly you know him better by his nom de voyage, or his . . . name he travels under — Superman.
:'''General Zod''': ''(everything now making sense)'' Ah, so this is Superman. How do you know of Jor-El?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Oh, my Fullness . . . as I explained to you before . . . I'm about the best there is.
:'''General Zod''': Revenge! We will kill the son of our jailer!
:'''Ursa''': Revenge!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Revenge! Heh heh, now we're cooking, huh?
:'''General Zod''': He flies, then?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Constantly.
:'''General Zod''': He has powers as we do?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Certainly, but, uh . . . oh, Magnificent One, he is . . . just one, where you are . . . three!
:''[Non growls menacingly]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Or four, if you count him twice.
:'''General Zod''': We will bring him to his knees!
:'''Ursa''': Praying!
:'''General Zod''': Yes, to me!
:''[Zod strides toward the door, Ursa and Non following]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Wait!
:''[They turn back to Lex]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': First you must find him. And Lex Baby is the only one who knows where he is.
:'''General Zod''': What . . . do you want?
:''[Lex makes himself at home in the President's chair and lights a cigar.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Well, General . . . the world is a big place. Thank goodness, uh . . . my needs are small. Eh, as it turns out, I have this affinity for, uh . . . beachfront property.
:'''General Zod''': ''(approaching Luthor and mildly irked)'' What do you want?
:''[Lex, feet up on the Oval Office desk, makes a Nixonian double-V sign with his fingers]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Australia!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lex, walking through the Daily Planet, observes the destruction wrought by Non.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[muttering]'' Even with all this accumulated knowledge, when will these dummies learn to use a doorknob?
:''[He enters Perry White's office.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Hi! You should see the White House. They'll be cleaning it for months.
:'''Lois Lane''': Lex Luthor.
: . . .
:''[Lex suggests that Superman will emerge if Lois Lane is threatened.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': They're the best of friends. ''[snickers]'' You know what I mean?
:'''Ursa''': What an undemanding male this Superman must be.
:'''Lois Lane''': Yeah, and you could use a tuck here and there yourself, sister.
: . . .
:'''General Zod''': She lives for now. Kill the rest. ''[nods to Lex]'' Starting with him.
:'''Lex Luthor''': W— w— wait! W-wait! Wait! Don't you remember the White House? The- the Oval Room? We had a few laughs, right? Oh, it's Australia, ''Australia!'' It's too much, right, okay forget it. I can turn over a new leaf...a tree, a whole forest.
:''[Superman arrives, floating just outside Perry White's office window.]''
:'''Superman''': General? Would you care to step outside?
:'''Lois Lane''': Superman!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Superman! Thank God. [''Zod looks sharply at Lex''] I mean, get him!
:'''General Zod''': Come to me, son of Jor-El! ''Kneel'' before Zod!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''General Zod''': Son of Jor-El. We were beginning to think you were a coward.
:'''Superman''': I'm not a coward, Zod.
:'''Ursa''': Let him prove it!
:'''General Zod''': Possibly not. It is extremely likely you are merely a fool. Like father, like son.
:'''Superman''': Somehow I just can't hear you, Zod.
:''[Zod fetches slab of concrete and prepares to throw it at Superman.]''
:'''General Zod''': Then die as you deserve to!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''General Zod''': This . . . Superman is nothing of the kind! I've discovered his weakness.
:'''Ursa''': Yes.
:'''General Zod''': He cares. He actually cares for these Earth people.
:'''Ursa''': Like pets?
:'''General Zod''': I suppose so.
:'''Ursa''': Sentimental idiot.
:''(Superman rams the mammoth radio antenna back onto the Metropolis State Building, onto the momentarily supine Non)''
:'''Ursa''': He's caged Non.
:'''General Zod''': I'll draw his fire . . . with some of my own.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Man in Crowd #1''': They killed Superman!
:'''Man in Crowd #2''': Let's go get 'em!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Superman flies off, abandoning Metropolis to Zod]''
:'''General Zod''': Our victory is complete. The Son of Jor-El has fled.
:'''Jimmy Olson''': Superman fled?
:'''Perry White''': I don't believe you!
:'''Lex Luthor''': You heard him. Three against one.
:'''General Zod''': He fled in fear of us!
:'''Lois Lane''': ''(shakily)'' He'll be back! As long as he's alive, he's going to try again.
:'''General Zod''': The next time we will kill him.
:'''Lex Luthor''': The next time? The next time? What am I gonna do with you people, huh? I held up my end. I delivered the Blue Boy. What do I get for my triple threat? "Bow! Yield! Kneel!" That kind of stuff closes out of town.
:'''General Zod''': Why do you say this to me… when you know I will kill you for it?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Kill me? Lex Luthor? Extinguish the greatest criminal flame of our age? Eradicate the only man on Earth with—
:'''Ursa''': Kill him!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Superman's address?

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Zod and company arrive at the Fortress of Solitude, Lex and Lois in tow.]''
:'''General Zod''': Scruffy. So morbid! A sentimental replica of a planet long since vanished! No style at all!
:'''Superman''': ''[off-camera]'' I expect better manners from my guests, Zod.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''General Zod''': Now. The son of Jor-El will be my slave . . . forever. If not, the millions of Earthlings you protect will pay for your defiance. Destroy this place.
:''[Lex finally makes his way down the crystal walls.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Hi, guys. Uh, sorry I'm late—
:'''General Zod''': We have no more use for this one. Kill him.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Me?! Lex Luthor? General . . . y-you came to me with nothing! I gave you Superman!
:'''General Zod''': Silence!
:''[Non pushes Lex, who moves off.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Watch it! Don't touch me.
:''[Lex approaches Superman.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[muttering, to Superman]'' Guy's a clod! ''[laughs nervously]'' Promises were made, gifts exchanged, I . . . I gotta hand it to you, you know. You always told the truth. Guy always knew where he stood with you.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': ''[whispering to Lex Luthor]'': Try to get them all into this molecular chamber.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Huh?
:'''Superman''': It takes away their powers. See—
:'''Lex Luthor''': Ahh!
:'''Superman''': And turns them into ordinary human beings.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Hmm.
:'''Superman''': Now, if you could—
:''General Zod approaches them.''
:'''Superman''': Shh! Shh!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Don't go in there, General. It's a trap.
:'''Superman''': Luthor, you poisonous snake!
:'''Lex Luthor''': That's a molecule chamber. It makes people like you . . . into people like me.
:'''General Zod''': You've done well, Lex Luthor.
:'''Lex Luthor''': General, um, the crystal there activates the mechanism.
:'''General Zod''': Lex Luthor, ruler of Australia, activate the machine.
:''Non grabs Luthor from behind and flies him to the machine.''
:'''Lex Luthor''' ''[on the way there]'': Hugh! Whoa! Wuh!
:''The two land.''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Thank you. ''[grabs the crystal]'' ''[to General Zod]'' With your permission.
:''General Zod nods. Luthor places the crystal into the machine. Superman sighs while Lois cries. Superman walks into the chamber. Lois continues crying. The machine activates. Lois puts her hand to her face. Superman steps out of the chamber''
:'''Superman''': Huh, huh.
:''Lois continues crying. General Zod beckons Superman to come to him. Superman sighs and obeys.''
:'''General Zod''': And now ''[Lois sniffles and continues to do so.]'', . . . finally. ''[motions Superman to kneel, and Superman obeys]'' Take my hand and swear eternal loyalty to Zod.
:''Superman takes Zod's hand and crushes it, causing Zod to scream in pain. Superman lets go of Zod's hand, grabs Zod and lifts him into the air while standing up. Superman looks at Zod and shakes his head. He then throws Zod, who falls to his death. Non growls and attempts to fly, only to discover that he cannot. He loses his balance and falls to his death while screaming.''
:'''Lex Luthor''': He switched it. He did it to them. I mean the lights were on out here . . . while he was safe in there.
:'''Lois Lane''' ''[to Ursa]'': Hey, you know something? ''[grabs Ursa's arm and gets out of her grip.]'' You're a real pain in the neck!
:''Lois punches Ursa who falls to her death screaming.''

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': I'd knew you'd double-cross me, Luthor. A lying weasel like you couldn't resist the chance.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Are you kidding? That was ''beautiful''! Did you see the way they fell into our trap!
:'''Superman''': Too late, Luthor! Too late.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Back at the Daily Planet, Clark nervously enters the office of a brooding Lois]''
:'''Clark Kent''': Hi.
:'''Lois Lane''': Hi.
:'''Clark Kent''': How'd you sleep, all right?
:'''Lois Lane''': No, I didn't close my eyes all night.
:'''Clark Kent''': Look, Lois—
:'''Lois Lane''': I understand. I understand. I sat up all ''night'' listening to the voices of reason. Do you know how vile it is to hear the first bird of the morning singing, when you've been sitting up all night, crying?
:'''Clark Kent''': I'm sorry.
:'''Lois Lane''': I'm sorry, too. I guess it's, uh… sorta like being married to a doctor, you know. The doctor gets wakened in the middle of the night, and then the wife has to cope with the fact that he's gone. I guess I'm just too selfish.
:'''Clark Kent''': No, no, you're not selfish at all.
:'''Lois Lane''': Yes, I ''am'' selfish when it comes to you. I ''am'' selfish. And I'm jealous of the ''whole world''.
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, it may not be easy for you to hear this now, but… someday, you'll—
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark! Look. Don't tell me that I'll ''meet'' somebody. You're kinda… tough act to follow, you know? Now, I'm gonna be fine. You don't have to worry about me.
:'''Clark Kent''': I like worrying about you.
:''[Lois fights more sobbing as she continues.]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Would you ''stop''? Don't you know that this is ''killing'' me? Do you know what it's like to have you come in here, every morning, and not be able to talk to you? Not be able to… show I have any feelings for you, not… be able to tell anyone I know who you are? I don't even know what to ''call'' you!
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, I don't know what to say.
:'''Lois Lane''': I dunno, just... say that you love me.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Clark returns to the diner where he was beaten by Rocky, who is stuffing his face.]''
:'''Rocky''': Gimme another plate of this garbage.
:'''Waitress Ann''': Garbage?! That's my number one special, Rocky!
:'''Rocky''': All right, Ann! Gimme some more coffee, too, will ya?
:'''Clark Kent''': Gee, that's funny. I've never seen garbage eat garbage before. Excuse me, sir, I believe you're sitting in my favorite seat.
:'''Rocky''': Come and get it, four-eyes.
:''Rocky moves to punch Clark, who picks him up and throws him across the room, where Rocky's butt lands into the table of a pinball machine and he breaks the backglass, making various pinball jingles. Truckstop patrons and the counterman look in awe''
:'''Clark Kent''': Sorry about that sir. This should cover you for damages.
:''Clark hands a wad of cash to the counterman, who still looks dumbfounded''
:'''Clark Kent''': I'm, uh, terribly sorry about all the damage, sir. Oh, I've been, uh… uh, working out.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Inside the ceiling-less Oval Office, the President sees Superman arrive with a new dome.]''
:'''Superman''': Good afternoon, Mr. President! Sorry I've been away so long. I won't let you down again.

==Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut==
'''''[[w:Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut|Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut]]''''' is an offical 2006 re-edit of Richard Lester's 1980 film, ''Superman II'' and sequel to Richard Donner's ''[[Superman: The Movie]]'' (1978).
:''Directed by '''[[w:Richard Donner|Richard Donner]]''' and written by '''[[w:Mario Puzo|Mario Puzo]]''', '''David Newman''', and '''Leslie Newman'''.
:Based on the DC Comics characters created by '''[[w:Jerry Siegel|Jerry Siegel]]''' and '''[[w:Joe Shuster|Joe Shuster]]'''.
<center> '''The Version You Have Never Seen''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]</center>

===Lex Luthor===
* That's Kryptonite, Superman. A little souvenir from the old home town?
* You were great in your day, Superman. But it just stands to reason! When it came time to cash in your chips, this old...diseased maniac would be your banker. Mind over muscle?
* ''Wrong Lex?'' Miss Teschmacher, those are two words we don't use in the same sentence.
* "''Funny''" is a person trying to smile without any teeth.

===Kal-El / Superman===
* Father? If you can hear me, I failed. I failed you, I failed myself, and... and all humanity. I traded my birthright for a life submission in a world that's ruled by your enemies. There's nobody left to help them now... the people of the world... not since I... FATHER!!

* General, haven't you ever heard of freedom of the press? ''[alternate line of "General, would you care to step outside?"]''

===Dialogue===
:'''Jor-El''': I ask you now to pronounce judgment on those accused: on this ''[referring to Non]''... this mindless aberration, whose only means of expression are wanton violence and destruction. On the woman Ursa, whose perversions and unreasoning hatred of all mankind have threatened even the children of the planet Krypton. Finally, General Zod - chief architect of this intended revolution, and author of this insidious plot, to establish a "New Order" amongst us - with himself as absolute ruler! The decision of the Council will now be heard.
:'''Council Member 1''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 2''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 3''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 4''': Guilty.
:'''General Zod''': The vote must be unanimous, Jor-El. It has therefore now become your decision. You alone will condemn us, if you wish, and you alone will be held responsible by me. ''[Jor-El signals the Phantom Zone]'' You will bow down before me, Jor-El! I swear it! No matter that it takes an eternity! YOU WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!! BOTH YOU AND THEN, ONE DAY, YOUR HEIRS!!!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Clark and Lois enter Mr. White's office]''
:'''Clark Kent''': Good Morning, Lois. How are you today?
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, I'm just ''super''. Thanks.
:'''Clark Kent''': Good morning, Mr. White.
:'''Lois Lane''': [''elbows Clark''] I'm ''super''.
:'''Perry White''': Yeah, morning. You're late, Kent.
:'''Clark Kent''': Yeah, uh, sorry, Mr. White. I got stuck in traffic.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, that's a new one.
:'''Clark Kent''': Excuse me?
:'''Lois Lane''': I mean, as opposed to: "I got stuck in a phone booth" or "I got locked in the men's bathroom".
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, what are you talking about? I'm sorry I was late-
:'''Perry White''': If you two wanna bicker, that's great! I have just the assignment for you. You're gonna pose as a honeymoon couple in Niagara Falls to get an expose on the newlywed racket. Some of the hotels up there are just bilking those poor kids for every cent they can get. Real human-interest stuff, though. Make your Aunt Hatie cry her eyes out.
:'''Clark Kent''': Um, newlyweds?
:'''Lois Lane''': That is a great idea, Mr. White!
:'''Clark Kent''': Excuse me, Mr. White, I'm sorry, but I'm right in the middle of a series on the city council and I-
:'''Lois Lane''': I mean, it wouldn't take long! We could just fly right up there and zoom back down again. No, Superman?
:'''Perry White''': Ha! Yeah. If he'd give you two a ride, maybe we could save a couple bucks.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Clark Kent''': Well, my goodness, you sure look like the cat that has swallowed the canary this morning.
:'''Lois Lane''': A canary? No, I was thinking of something a lot more bigger. Something that flies. Something more in blue.
:'''Clark Kent''': Uh, Lois, as usual, I'm totally in the dark-
:'''Lois Lane''': Let me just turn on the lights for you then. [''shows Clark Superman's picture with Clark's discription drawn on it''] Get the picture?
:'''Clark Kent''': Hmm...
:'''Lois Lane''': You know, I didn't start to put this together until this morning, which is really strange because a good reporter isn't supposed to let anything slip by her.
:'''Clark Kent''': Hmm. Well that's, um, very amusing. Yes. Excuse me.
:'''Lois Lane''': Amusing?
:'''Clark Kent''': Yes siree. That's, uh, that's very ammusing.
:'''Lois Lane''': Amusing, huh? Tall, broad sholders, dark hair; I gotta give you credit, you really had me fooled. And I'm nobody's fool... Superman.
:'''Clark Kent''': S-Superman? You mean you think I'm Superman?
:'''Lois Lane''': Willing to bet my life on it.
:'''Clark Kent''': [''laughs''] Lois, you know, you are priceless. Really! I mean that is the single most ridiculous thing I've ever - ''[Lois opens a window]'' Lois, what are you doing!?
:'''Lois Lane''': You wouldn't let me die, Superman! [''she jumps'']

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[An alarm sounds off in jail. Otis grabs a basket full of prisoners' uniforms and joins Luthor, who is serving time behind bars for his previous crime in the first movie.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': So this is how it ends for the Greatest Criminal Mind for Our Time. Not with a whimper. Not with a bang. How do they choose to reward Lex Luthor, the Greatest Genius in this World? Do they give him glory? Do they give him treasure? What matter in fact do they give him?
:'''Guard''': Life plus 25, Luthor. Get to work.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Otis''': How're we gonna get over that wall?
:'''Lex Luthor''': How'd we get in here?
:'''Otis''': We flew in, doncha remember?
:'''Lex Luthor''': That's how we're gonna get out.
:'''Otis''': Oh, no! Not that guy...
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': [Offscreen from a baloon] Psst.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Shh! Did you do "psst?"
:'''Otis''': I wish I had, Mr. Luthor, before we left.
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': Psst.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Not that "psst", that "psst."
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': Psst.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Psst.
:'''Otis''': Psst.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Don't go "psst" when I go "psst".
:'''Otis''': Oh.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Get out there and find it.
:'''Otis''': Okay. What am I looking for?
:'''Lex Luthor''': You'll know it when you see it.
:'''Otis''': Oh. Psst.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''After Miss Teschmacher rescues Lex from prison'']
:'''Lex Luthor''': Miss Teschmacher, how would you like to go on a vacation?
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': A vacation!? Do I get to wear a bikini, Lex? Please tell me you thought about me in a bikini, Lex?
:'''Lex Luthor''': No, actually I thought about you in a parka.
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': You thought about me in a parka!? You are sick, Lex. You're really sick.
:'''Lex Luthor''': That's possible. ''[points]'' North, Miss Teschmacher. Due north.
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': Um, Lex...''[points the other way]'' North!
:'''Lex Luthor''': That's what I said North!
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': Well, you said -
:'''Lex Luthor''': Don't repeat what I just said.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': You are Superman, aren't you?
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, now we've been through these haullcinations of yours before. Can't you see what you almost did? Throwing yourself off a building 30 stories high? Can't you see what a tragic mistake you almost made?
:'''Lois Lane''': I made a mistake? I made a mistake because I risked my life instead of yours.
:[''Lois pulls a gun on Clark'']
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois! Don't be insane!
:'''Lois Lane''': And don't fall down 'cause you're just going to have to get up again!
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, don't be crazy! LOIS!
:[''Lois fires at Clark, who is not affected'']
:'''Lois Lane''': It is you. I guess I've know it for the longest time.
:[''Clark removes his glasses and reveales himself as Superman'']
:'''Superman''': You realize, of course, if you'd been wrong, Clark Kent would've killed.
:'''Lois Lane''': With a blank? Gotcha!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After Kal-El and Lois sleep together in the Fortress of Solitude, Kal-El addresses the image of his father, Jor-El]''
:'''Jor-El''': The people of your planet are well pleased with you, Kal-El. You have served them faithfully and they are grateful for it. And yet you have returned to reason with me once again. My son, I have tried to anticipate your ever question. This is one I'd... hoped you would not ask.
:'''Kal-El''': My attatchments, um, the feelings which I have developed for a certain human being have deeply affected me, Father.
:'''Jor-El''': You cannot serve humanity by investing your time and emotion in one human being at the expence of the rest. The concepts are mutally exclusive.
:'''Kal-El''': And if I no longer wish to serve humanity...
:'''Jor-El''': Is this how you repay their gratitude? By abandoning the weak, the defenceless, the needy for the sake of you selfish pursuits?
:'''Kal-El''': Selfish!? After all I've done for them? Will there ever come a time when I've served enough? At least they get a chance for happiness. I only ask as much, no more.
:'''Jor-El''': Yours is a higher happiness. The fulfillment of your mission, as inspiration you must have felt. You must have felt that happiness within you. My son, surely you cannot deny that feeling.
:'''Kal-El''': No, I cannot... any more than I can deny the other, which is stronger in me, Father. So much stronger. Is there no way then, Father? Must I finally be denied the one thing in life which I truly desire?
:'''Jor-El''': If you will not be Kal-El, if you will live as one of them, love their kind as one of them, then it follows that you must become one of them. This crystal chamber has in it the harnessed rays of the red sun of Krypton. Once exposed to them all your great powers on Earth will disappear... forever. Once this is done, there's no going back. You will feel like an ordinary man and you can be harmed like an ordinary man. Think, Kal-El, I beg you.
:'''Kal-El''': Father... I love her.
:'''Jor-El''': Think, Kal-El.
:''[Kal-El steps into the chamber]''

<hr width="50%"/>
''[Extended version with Lex visiting the villians in the Oval Office]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Oh, Magnificent One. ''[bows]'' What I am bargaining with is what ''you'' do not have. The Son of Jor-El.
:'''General Zod''': The Son or Jor-El!
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[to himself]'' I said that right?
:'''General Zod''': Jor-El!? Our jailor?
:'''Lex Luthor''': No, Jorel the baseball player... ''[Non growls]'' Yes, Jor-El, your jailor. Ah, possibly you know him better by his ''nom de voyage'', or his... name he travels under — Superman.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jor-El''': Listen carefully, my son, for we shall never speak again. If you hear me now then you have made use of the only means left in you: The crystal source through which our communications begun. The circle is now complete. You have made a dreadful mistake, Kal-El. You did this of your own free will in spite of all I could say to dissuade you.
:'''Clark Kent''': I, uh...
:'''Jor-El''': Now, you have returned to me for one last chance to redeem yourself. This too finally I have anticipated, my son.
:'''Clark Kent''': Father, no...
:'''Jor-El''': Look at me, Kal-El. Once before when you were small, I died while giving you a chance for life. And now, even though it will exhaust the final energy left within me- Look at me, Kal-El. The Kryptonian prophecy will be at once fulfilled. The son becomes the father, the father becomes the son. Farewell forever, Kal-El. Remember me, my son.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Wouldn't you know it?
:'''General Zod''': ''[thinks Jimmy is Superman]'' This is the son of Jor-El?
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': No, but I bet you're a son of a-
:'''Lois Lane''': Jimmy!
:'''General Zod''': ''[to Lex Luthor]'' You promised me the son of Jor-El.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''General Zod''': Son of Jor-El. We were beginning to think you were a coward.
:'''Clark Kent''': I'm not a coward, Zod.
:'''General Zod''': It is extremely likely you are merely a fool. Like father, like son.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lex Luthor takes Jimmy Olson's cup of coffee]''
:'''Jimmy Olson''': Hey, that's for the chief!
:'''Lex Luthor''': The chief's got it.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Superman flees Metropolis; the villians return to the Daily Planet]''
:'''General Zod''': Our victory is complete. The Son of Jor-El has fled.
:'''Jimmy Olson''': Superman fled?
:'''Perry White''': I don't believe it.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Believe it.
:'''General Zod''': He fled in fear of us!
:'''Lois Lane''': He'll be back! Believe me, he'll be back.
:'''General Zod''': Then next time we will kill him.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Next time? What am I gonna do with you people, huh? I held up my end; I delivered the Blue Boy. What do I get for my triple threat? "Bow! Yield! Kneel!" That kind of stuff closes out of town.
:'''General Zod''': Why do you say this to me when you know I will kill you for it?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Kill me? Lex Luthor? Extinguish the greatest criminal flame of our age? Eradicate the only man on Earth with—
:'''Ursa''': Let me kill him!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Superman's address?
:'''General Zod''': What more do you want? I can see the greed written on your face.
:'''Lex Luthor''': A small incentive, oh Fullest One. A mere bauble to jog the memory.
:'''General Zod''': What more?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Cuba.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''After Superman destroys the Fortress of Solitude'']
:'''Superman''': Look, Lois -
:'''Lois Lane''': No regrets, okay? I did it. I got the man I loved to love me. Didn't I?
:'''Superman''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, okay then. Those people need you. Do you think I don't understand that?
:'''Superman''': We can still see each other, you know. I mean, all the time. But it just can't be -
:[''Lois kisses Superman'']
:'''Lois Lane''': Just don't forget, that's all. Don't ever forget.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Superman returns Lois Lane home]''
:'''Superman''': See you at work in the morning.
:'''Lois Lane''': Bright and early, huh? The same old Clark and the same old Lois.
:'''Superman''': Yep.
:'''Lois Lane''': Except, maybe I won't be quite so mean to you from now on. You don't have to worry. Your secret's safe with me.
:'''Superman''': I know. I know that, Lois. [''flies off'']
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, there he goes, kid. Up, up, and away.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''Clark arrives for work the next day after he turned back time again'']
:'''Clark Kent''': [''hangs his coat up''] Good morning, Lois. [''his coat falls down; Lois ignores him''] Good morning, Lois.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh. Hi, Clark.
:'''Clark Kent''': Jeepers, I have seen some faraway looks in my time, but with that look, you might as well be on the North Pole.
:'''Lois Lane''': The North Pole! No, that's too silly. Did you ever feel like you knew something that was so important that... No, you never did. I mean, I'm sitting on the single most important story of my career and I can't even remember what it is.
:'''Clark Kent''': Well, knowing- knowing you it must be about Superman. Maybe how he saved the city or saved the world or saved the universe.
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark, Clark. Listen, jealousy's really not counterproductive. Now there's some things that you can do.
:'''Clark Kent''': Oh, yeah? Really? Like what?
:'''Lois Lane''': Like... get us a pizza!
:'''Clark Kent''': A pizza? Now?
:'''Lois Lane''': Yah, I'm hungry.
:'''Clark Kent''': Actually, I don't think Mr. White would like it if -
:'''Lois Lane''': I'll pay for half of it, all right.
:'''Clark Kent''': I'm going. [''gets his coat and hat''] Lois, you know about the pizza? It's okay. I'll pay for the whole thing.
:'''Lois Lane''': You know you really are super!
:[''Clark stops and glares at her thinking she was about to say "Superman"'']

==Taglines==
===Superman II===
* The Adventure Continues.
* Miraculously freed from eternal orbit, the three outlaws from Krypton descend to earth, for ultimate confrontation.
* The three outlaws from Krypton descend to Earth to confront the Man of Steel in a cosmic battle for world supremacy.
* The Man of Steel meets his match!
* The Man of Steel is back, and better than ever!

===Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut===
* As Originally Conceived and Intended.
* The Version You Have Never Seen.
* A Hero Revealed, A Vision Restored.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Gene Hackman|Gene Hackman]] — [[w:Lex Luthor|Lex Luthor]]
* [[Christopher Reeve]] — [[w:Superman|Kal-El, Superman]] / [[w:Clark Kent|Clark Kent]]
* [[w:Marlon Brando|Marlon Brando]] - [[w:Jor-El|Jor-El]] (only appears in ''The Richard Donner Cut'')
* [[w:Ned Beatty|Ned Beatty]] — Otis
* [[w:Jackie Cooper|Jackie Cooper]] — [[w:Perry White|Perry White]]
* [[w:Sarah Douglas|Sarah Douglas]] — Ursa
* [[w:Margot Kidder|Margot Kidder]] — [[w:Lois Lane|Lois Lane]]
* [[w:Jack O'Halloran|Jack O'Halloran]] — Non
* [[w:Valerie Perrine|Valerie Perrine]] — Eve Teschmacher
* [[w:Susannah York|Susannah York]] — [[w:Lara Lor-Van|Lara Lor-Van]] (theatrical version)
* [[w:Clifton James|Clifton James]] — Sheriff
* [[w:E.G. Marshall|E.G. Marshall]] — The President
* [[w:Marc McClure|Marc McClure]] — [[w:Jimmy Olsen|Jimmy Olsen]]
* [[w:Terence Stamp|Terence Stamp]] — [[w:General Zod|General Zod]]

==See also==
* ''[[Superman: The Movie]]'' (1978)
* ''[[Superman Returns]]'' (2006)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{imdb title|id=0081573|title=Superman II}}
*{{imdb title|id=0081573|title=Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut}}
*{{rotten-tomatoes|id=superman_ii|title=Superman II}}
*{{rotten-tomatoes|id=superman_ii|title=Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut}}

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[[Category:Superman films]]
[[Category:1980 films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Comic book films]]
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[[Category:Journalist films]]
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[[Category:Films about altered memories]]

Superman II

2017-08-11T00:00:15Z

StjJackson: /* General Zod */

'''''[[w:Superman II|Superman II]]''''' is the [[w:1980 in films|1980]] sequel to ''[[Superman: The Movie]]'' ([[w:1978 in film|1978]]). The story continues the adventures of the orphan Kryptonian, Kal-El, who has become the world's greatest hero. Superman agrees to sacrifice his powers to marry Lois Lane, unaware that three Kryptonian criminals he inadvertently released are conquering Earth.
:''Directed by '''[[w:Richard Lester|Richard Lester]]'''. ''Story by '''[[w:Mario Puzo|Mario Puzo]]'', ''Screenplay by Mario Puzo & David Newman''', and ''Leslie Newman''.
:Based on the DC Comics characters created by '''[[w:Jerry Siegel|Jerry Siegel]]''' and '''[[w:Joe Shuster|Joe Shuster]]'''.
<center>'''The three outlaws from Krypton descend to Earth to confront the Man of Steel in a cosmic battle for world supremacy.''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]</center>

==Lex Luthor==
* Think of it. Three… count them, three supervillains! Each one with the powers of Superman! They'll need a contact here on Earth! Someone with the same wonderful contempt for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness!

==General Zod==
* The vote must be unanimous Jor-El. It has therefore now become your decision. You alone will condemn if you wish and you alone with be held responsible by me...Join us. You have been known to disagree with the Council before. Yours could become an important voice in the New Order, second only to my own. I offer you a chance for greatness, Jor-El. Take it! Join us! You will bow down before me, Jor-El! I swear it! No matter if it takes an eternity! YOU WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME! BOTH YOU AND THEN ONE DAY YOUR HEIRS!
* So this is planet Houston. A very strange surface!
* I like the glow. It flashes red, like the Krypton sun. But not this disturbing noise. Make way!
* [''after shooting himself, unharmed''] Crude noisemaker.
* I win! I always win. Is there no one on this planet to even challenge me?!
* [''referring to the President''] And he will answer to me! Or all of his cities shall end up like this one!
* I see you are practiced in worshipping things that fly.
* Come to me, son of Jor-El! Kneel before Zod!
* [''to Superman''] And now, finally- take my hand, swear eternal loyalty... to Zod.

==Ursa==
* I have powers beyond ''reason'' here!
* If the whole planet is watching, cannot we show them something more interesting?
* General Zod does not take orders! He ''gives'' them.
* Look- they need machines to fly!
* What kind of a backwards planet is this, where the fighting men wear jewelry and ribbons?

==Others==
* Non, you are as without thought as you are without voice. ~ Kryptonian Councilmember
* Then, if this is what you wish, if you intend to live your life with a mortal, you must live ''as'' a mortal. ~ Lara
* I'll bet you 10 dollars they're from Los Ange-leez. ~ Sheriff as he spots Zod and company in the road
* Keep it on the flame Rock, this is just minute steak. - Trucker at diner

==Dialogue==
:'''Council Member #1''': You three criminals have been caught in a further act of seditious treason! General Zod, your only feeling was contempt for our society; your only desire was to command! Ursa, the only feeling you showed was for your vicious General; your only wish: to rule at his side. Non, you are as without thought as you are without voice. This council has no hesitation in proclaiming you all...
:'''Council Member #2''': Guilty.
:'''Council Member #3''': Guilty.
:'''Council Member #4''': Guilty.
:'''Council Member #5''': Guilty.
:'''Council Member #6''': Guilty.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Perry White''': Kent, I need a story to run with the page three sidebar. Get me everything you can on this terrorist group.
:'''Clark Kent''': Right! ''[stops]'' Uh, sorry. T... terrorists?
:'''Perry White''': Get your head out of the closet, Kent! Where've you been for the past twelve hours?
:'''Clark Kent''': Home.
:'''Perry White''': Well, don't you watch television?
:'''Clark Kent''': Frankly, Mr. White, I really don't enjoy television. Too much violence. I was just reading Dickens.
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': [''races in''] Mr. Kent! A gang of terrorists seized the Eiffel Tower! In Paris!
:'''Perry White''': He knows where the Eiffel Tower is, Olsen! You do, don't you Kent?
:'''Clark Kent''': Yes, sir. Has anybody been hurt?
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Well, so far the hostages are unharmed.
:'''Clark Kent''': The hostages?
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Yeah! Terrorists! About twenty of them!
:'''Perry White''': Yeah, but that's just petty stuff. These guys claim that if the French government doesn't meet their demands, they've got a hydrogen bomb ready to level Paris.
:'''Clark Kent''': Well, geez Mr. White. That's t... terrible!
:'''Perry White''': That's why they call them "terrorists", Kent.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''A Niagara crowd witnesses Superman rescue a plummeting boy'']
:'''Woman''': What a nice man!
:'''Another woman''': Of course he's Jewish.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''After saving the boy, Superman flies behind a hot dog stand and puts on his Clark clothes'']
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois! Um, uh Lois! Uh [''offer Lois her hot dog''] Uh, here you go.
:'''Lois Lane''': Where were you?
:'''Clark Kent''': I was getting hot dogs. ''[Lois takes both hot dogs.]'' What do you mean?
:''The two start walking.''
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, it seems kind of strange to me that every time Superman's around, you disappear.
:'''Clark Kent''': Superman?! I mean, he was here?!
:'''Lois Lane''': Mm hmm.
:'''Clark Kent''': [''looks up''] Golly!
:'''Lois Lane''': And you weren't . . . as usual. So what have you got to say about that?
:'''Clark Kent''': Darn! I forgot your orange juice.
:''[Clark starts to walk away.]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark!
:'''Clark Kent''': No orange juice?

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lex Luthor and Miss Teschmacher explore Superman's Fortress of Solitude.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': It's beautiful! It has everything.
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Wrong.
:''[They exchange a "look".]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Why didn't you go before we left?
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': That was ''two days'' ago.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lois and Clark are still walking.]''
:'''Lois Lane''': You know, it's, it's really amazing. I never started to put it together before now. It's just kind of funny, you know, cause a good reporter isn't supposed to let anything slip by her.
:'''Clark Kent''': No. Course not.
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, uh, I'm beginning to get the picture.
:'''Clark Kent''': As usual, Lois, I-I really don't know what you're talking about. Um, tell you what, I-I'll meet you back at the hotel.
:''Clark starts walking away.''
:'''Lois Lane''': What's your hurry, Superman?
:'''Clark Kent''' ''[stops and turns around]'': Sorry?
:'''Lois Lane''': I gotta admit, you know. Your disguise is nearly perfect. You had me fooled. And I am nobody's fool, believe me.
:'''Clark Kent''': Oh no, of course not, Lois. I mean, you just have an active imagination. You just get carried away sometimes. Believe me, I understand. It can happen to anybody.
:'''Lois Lane''': Listen, I'm so sure you're Superman, that I'm willing to bet my life on it.
:'''Clark Kent''': What?
:'''Lois Lane''' ''[nods her head]'': Now, if I'm right, you'll turn into Superman.
:'''Clark Kent''': Hmm.
:'''Lois Lane''': And if I'm wrong, you've got yourself one hell of a story.
:'''Clark Kent''': You think I'm ''[makes a flying gesture with his arm]'' Superman? ''[Lois nods.]'' Boy, you certainly have some imagination, Lois. Huh. For a minute there, you almost had me convinced ''[turns around and starts walking]'', for a minute.
:'''Lois''': Bye bye Baby!
:[''Lois throws herself into the Falls'']

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''Lex accesses Superman's power crystals, this one makes a Kryptonian professor appear'']
:'''Kryptonian Man''': Literature Lesson #35: "[[w:Joyce Kilmer#"Trees"|Trees]]" by [[w:Joyce Kilmer|Joyce Kilmer]] of Earth. I think I shall never see a poem lovely as a tree . . .
:[''Lex interrupt the lesson intended for Superman by ejecting the power crystal'']
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': I ''like'' trees!
:'''Lex Luthor''': So does your average cocker spaniel.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Spotting the strangely dressed Kryptonians in the road, a sheriff flips on his police lights and siren.]''
:'''Sheriff''': Hey, ya hippies! Get your butts off the road!
:'''General Zod''': I like the glow that flashes red like our Krypton sun. But not this irritating noise. Make way.
:'''Sheriff''': Did I hear right? That son of a bitch give me an order?!
:''[He hands a shotgun to his deputy.]''
:'''Sheriff''': Dwayne, you take care of him.
:'''Dwayne''': But I—
:'''Sheriff''': Dwayne, you gotta learn to kick ass, you wanna be a peacemaker.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''In East Houston, Non is about to destroy a TV newscrew's equipment, but he is stopped by Zod''
:'''General Zod''': Wait! Who else is seeing this?
:'''Reporter''': Ah . . . well, with this satellite link up, uh . . . just about everybody. I mean, the whole planet!
:'''General Zod''': The whole planet Houston?
:'''Reporter''': Earth. The whole planet Earth.
:''Zod looks arrogantly into the camera''
:'''General Zod''': You may continue.
:'''Reporter''': As the extraordinary story continues . . . as this extraordinary st—
:'''Ursa'''{petulantly}: Enough of this nonsense! If the whole planet is watching, can't we show them something more interesting?
:''A US Army battalion has been deployed to East Houston''
:'''Army Major'''{via bullhorn}: Throw down your arms and surrender! This is an order!
:'''Ursa''': General Zod does not take orders. He gives them.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After Zod literally blows off a flamethrower attack from soldiers . . .]''
:'''Reporter''': I haven't seen the likes of this since Superman.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[An Army helicopter fires on the Kryptonians, to no effect.]''
:'''Ursa''': Look! They need machines to fly!
:'''General Zod''': What bravery! Be nice to them, my dear. Blow them a kiss.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''East Houston is in ruins. US Army battalion surrenders to the Zod trio'']
:'''Ursa''': Come forward. Your General wishes to speak.
:'''General Zod''': I am General Zod. Your ruler. Yes, today begins a new order! Your lands, your possessions, your very lives will gladly be given in tribute to me, General Zod. In return for your obedience, you will enjoy my generous protection. In other words, you will be allowed to live. [''Zod rips an Army general's stars from his shoulder''] So you are a general too? And who is your superior?
:'''Army General''': I answer only to the President.
:'''General Zod''': And he will answer to me! Or all of his cities will end up like this one.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''In the Fortress of Solitude, with Lois watching, Superman addresses the image of his Kryptonian mother, Lara'']
:'''Lara''': Your father and I tried to anticipate your every question, Kal-El. This is the one we hoped you would not ask.
:'''Superman''': But I have to, because... she's everything I want in life.
:'''Lara''': And she, the one you have chosen, she feels as much for you?
:'''Superman''': Yes.
:'''Lara''': Then, if this is what you wish, if you intend to live your life with a mortal, you must live as a mortal. You must become one of them.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Superman has lost his powers to be with Lois Lane]''
:'''Lois Lane''': You did all that for me, I don't know what to say.
:'''Superman''': Just say you love me.
:''[Lois is very touched upon hearing this.]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The U.S. president watches on TV as Zod, Ursa, and Non remake Mount Rushmore in their own images.]''
:'''President''': Thousands of hours to create, and they defaced it in seconds. Imagine what they'll do to the world if we resist!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Zod demands that the president kneel before him. The man complies.]''
:'''General Zod''': You are not the President. No one who leads so many could possibly kneel so quickly.
:''[The real President emerges from the group.]''
:'''President''': I am the man they're protecting. I'm the President. I'll kneel before you if it will save lives.
:'''General Zod''': It will. Starting with your own.
:'''President''': What I do now, I do for the sake of the people of the world. But there is one man here on Earth who will never kneel before you.
:'''General Zod''': Who is this imbecile? Where is he?
:'''President''': I wish I knew. [''kneels before Zod''] Oh, God...
:'''General Zod''': Zod.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''[After losing his superpowers, Clark gets beaten by rude diner patron "Rocky"'']
:'''Clark Kent''': I think... think maybe we oughta hire a bodyguard from now on.
:'''Lois Lane''': I don't want a bodyguard. I want the man I fell in love with.
:'''Clark Kent''': I know that, Lois. I wish he were here.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Clark and Lois watch the President address the nation on TV.]''
:'''President''': This is your President. On behalf of my country, and in the name of the other leaders of the world, with whom I have today consulted, I hereby abdicate all authority and control over this planet . . . to General Zod.
:'''Clark Kent''': Zod!
:'''President''': Only by strict compliance with all his directions will the lives of innocent millions be spared . . . ''[desperately]'' Superman! Can you hear me? Superman! Where—?
:''[The camera pans to Zod as he grabs a microphone.]''
:'''General Zod''': Who is this "Superman"?!
:'''President''': You'll find out, General, and when you do—
:'''General Zod''': Come to me, Superman! If you dare. I defy you! Come! Come and kneel before Zod! Zod!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Non, Ursa, and Zod lounge about the Oval Office, bored.]''
:'''Ursa''': You're master of all you survey.
:'''General Zod''': So I was yesterday. And the day before.
:''[Lex Luthor waves a white handkerchief in the doorway, knocks, then enters.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Hello, there. Lex Luthor. Lex Luthor. Possibly you've heard of the name — the greatest, eh, criminal mind on Earth?
:'''Ursa''': I told you this was a puny planet.
:''[She and Non advance on Lex]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Wait just a moment! Wait— till you get to know me better, will you, please? ''[laughs nervously]'' Wait! Look! I-I-I-I-I can give you, uh, anything you want! I-I can give you the brass ''ring''! The… uh, unlimited freedom to maim, kill, destroy! Plus . . . Lex Luthor's keen mind, Lex Luthor's savvy . . . [He grasps Ursa's hand.] . . . Lex Luthor's career guidance, Lex Luthor's school of better re—
:''[Ursa squeezes. Lex grimaces as his bones audibly crunch.]''
:'''General Zod''': We have all of this without you. You cannot bargain with what you don't have.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Oh, Magnificent One. ''[bows]'' What I am bargaining with is what ''you'' do not have. The Son of Jor-El.
:''(Non turns to General Zod, clearly intrigued by Luthor's offer)''
:'''General Zod''': ''(taken aback)'' The ''son'' of Jor-El?
:'''Lex Luthor''': I said that, didn't I?
:'''General Zod''': Jor-El, our jailer?
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''(sarcastically)'' No Jor-El the baseball player.... ''(seeing Non and Ursa start toward him)'' Uh yes! Jor-El, your jailer.
:'''General Zod''': ''(still at a loss)'' The Son or Jor-El! On this planet?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Ah, possibly you know him better by his nom de voyage, or his . . . name he travels under — Superman.
:'''General Zod''': ''(everything now making sense)'' Ah, so this is Superman. How do you know of Jor-El?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Oh, my Fullness . . . as I explained to you before . . . I'm about the best there is.
:'''General Zod''': Revenge! We will kill the son of our jailer!
:'''Ursa''': Revenge!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Revenge! Heh heh, now we're cooking, huh?
:'''General Zod''': He flies, then?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Constantly.
:'''General Zod''': He has powers as we do?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Certainly, but, uh . . . oh, Magnificent One, he is . . . just one, where you are . . . three!
:''[Non growls menacingly]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Or four, if you count him twice.
:'''General Zod''': We will bring him to his knees!
:'''Ursa''': Praying!
:'''General Zod''': Yes, to me!
:''[Zod strides toward the door, Ursa and Non following]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Wait!
:''[They turn back to Lex]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': First you must find him. And Lex Baby is the only one who knows where he is.
:'''General Zod''': What . . . do you want?
:''[Lex makes himself at home in the President's chair and lights a cigar.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Well, General . . . the world is a big place. Thank goodness, uh . . . my needs are small. Eh, as it turns out, I have this affinity for, uh . . . beachfront property.
:'''General Zod''': ''(approaching Luthor and mildly irked)'' What do you want?
:''[Lex, feet up on the Oval Office desk, makes a Nixonian double-V sign with his fingers]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Australia!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lex, walking through the Daily Planet, observes the destruction wrought by Non.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[muttering]'' Even with all this accumulated knowledge, when will these dummies learn to use a doorknob?
:''[He enters Perry White's office.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Hi! You should see the White House. They'll be cleaning it for months.
:'''Lois Lane''': Lex Luthor.
: . . .
:''[Lex suggests that Superman will emerge if Lois Lane is threatened.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': They're the best of friends. ''[snickers]'' You know what I mean?
:'''Ursa''': What an undemanding male this Superman must be.
:'''Lois Lane''': Yeah, and you could use a tuck here and there yourself, sister.
: . . .
:'''General Zod''': She lives for now. Kill the rest. ''[nods to Lex]'' Starting with him.
:'''Lex Luthor''': W— w— wait! W-wait! Wait! Don't you remember the White House? The- the Oval Room? We had a few laughs, right? Oh, it's Australia, ''Australia!'' It's too much, right, okay forget it. I can turn over a new leaf...a tree, a whole forest.
:''[Superman arrives, floating just outside Perry White's office window.]''
:'''Superman''': General? Would you care to step outside?
:'''Lois Lane''': Superman!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Superman! Thank God. [''Zod looks sharply at Lex''] I mean, get him!
:'''General Zod''': Come to me, son of Jor-El! ''Kneel'' before Zod!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''General Zod''': Son of Jor-El. We were beginning to think you were a coward.
:'''Superman''': I'm not a coward, Zod.
:'''Ursa''': Let him prove it!
:'''General Zod''': Possibly not. It is extremely likely you are merely a fool. Like father, like son.
:'''Superman''': Somehow I just can't hear you, Zod.
:''[Zod fetches slab of concrete and prepares to throw it at Superman.]''
:'''General Zod''': Then die as you deserve to!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''General Zod''': This . . . Superman is nothing of the kind! I've discovered his weakness.
:'''Ursa''': Yes.
:'''General Zod''': He cares. He actually cares for these Earth people.
:'''Ursa''': Like pets?
:'''General Zod''': I suppose so.
:'''Ursa''': Sentimental idiot.
:''(Superman rams the mammoth radio antenna back onto the Metropolis State Building, onto the momentarily supine Non)''
:'''Ursa''': He's caged Non.
:'''General Zod''': I'll draw his fire . . . with some of my own.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Man in Crowd #1''': They killed Superman!
:'''Man in Crowd #2''': Let's go get 'em!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Superman flies off, abandoning Metropolis to Zod]''
:'''General Zod''': Our victory is complete. The Son of Jor-El has fled.
:'''Jimmy Olson''': Superman fled?
:'''Perry White''': I don't believe you!
:'''Lex Luthor''': You heard him. Three against one.
:'''General Zod''': He fled in fear of us!
:'''Lois Lane''': ''(shakily)'' He'll be back! As long as he's alive, he's going to try again.
:'''General Zod''': The next time we will kill him.
:'''Lex Luthor''': The next time? The next time? What am I gonna do with you people, huh? I held up my end. I delivered the Blue Boy. What do I get for my triple threat? "Bow! Yield! Kneel!" That kind of stuff closes out of town.
:'''General Zod''': Why do you say this to me… when you know I will kill you for it?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Kill me? Lex Luthor? Extinguish the greatest criminal flame of our age? Eradicate the only man on Earth with—
:'''Ursa''': Kill him!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Superman's address?

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Zod and company arrive at the Fortress of Solitude, Lex and Lois in tow.]''
:'''General Zod''': Scruffy. So morbid! A sentimental replica of a planet long since vanished! No style at all!
:'''Superman''': ''[off-camera]'' I expect better manners from my guests, Zod.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''General Zod''': Now. The son of Jor-El will be my slave . . . forever. If not, the millions of Earthlings you protect will pay for your defiance. Destroy this place.
:''[Lex finally makes his way down the crystal walls.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Hi, guys. Uh, sorry I'm late—
:'''General Zod''': We have no more use for this one. Kill him.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Me?! Lex Luthor? General . . . y-you came to me with nothing! I gave you Superman!
:'''General Zod''': Silence!
:''[Non pushes Lex, who moves off.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Watch it! Don't touch me.
:''[Lex approaches Superman.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[muttering, to Superman]'' Guy's a clod! ''[laughs nervously]'' Promises were made, gifts exchanged, I . . . I gotta hand it to you, you know. You always told the truth. Guy always knew where he stood with you.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': ''[whispering to Lex Luthor]'': Try to get them all into this molecular chamber.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Huh?
:'''Superman''': It takes away their powers. See—
:'''Lex Luthor''': Ahh!
:'''Superman''': And turns them into ordinary human beings.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Hmm.
:'''Superman''': Now, if you could—
:''General Zod approaches them.''
:'''Superman''': Shh! Shh!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Don't go in there, General. It's a trap.
:'''Superman''': Luthor, you poisonous snake!
:'''Lex Luthor''': That's a molecule chamber. It makes people like you . . . into people like me.
:'''General Zod''': You've done well, Lex Luthor.
:'''Lex Luthor''': General, um, the crystal there activates the mechanism.
:'''General Zod''': Lex Luthor, ruler of Australia, activate the machine.
:''Non grabs Luthor from behind and flies him to the machine.''
:'''Lex Luthor''' ''[on the way there]'': Hugh! Whoa! Wuh!
:''The two land.''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Thank you. ''[grabs the crystal]'' ''[to General Zod]'' With your permission.
:''General Zod nods. Luthor places the crystal into the machine. Superman sighs while Lois cries. Superman walks into the chamber. Lois continues crying. The machine activates. Lois puts her hand to her face. Superman steps out of the chamber''
:'''Superman''': Huh, huh.
:''Lois continues crying. General Zod beckons Superman to come to him. Superman sighs and obeys.''
:'''General Zod''': And now ''[Lois sniffles and continues to do so.]'', . . . finally. ''[motions Superman to kneel, and Superman obeys]'' Take my hand and swear eternal loyalty to Zod.
:''Superman takes Zod's hand and crushes it, causing Zod to scream in pain. Superman lets go of Zod's hand, grabs Zod and lifts him into the air while standing up. Superman looks at Zod and shakes his head. He then throws Zod, who falls to his death. Non growls and attempts to fly, only to discover that he cannot. He loses his balance and falls to his death while screaming.''
:'''Lex Luthor''': He switched it. He did it to them. I mean the lights were on out here . . . while he was safe in there.
:'''Lois Lane''' ''[to Ursa]'': Hey, you know something? ''[grabs Ursa's arm and gets out of her grip.]'' You're a real pain in the neck!
:''Lois punches Ursa who falls to her death screaming.''

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': I'd knew you'd double-cross me, Luthor. A lying weasel like you couldn't resist the chance.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Are you kidding? That was ''beautiful''! Did you see the way they fell into our trap!
:'''Superman''': Too late, Luthor! Too late.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Back at the Daily Planet, Clark nervously enters the office of a brooding Lois]''
:'''Clark Kent''': Hi.
:'''Lois Lane''': Hi.
:'''Clark Kent''': How'd you sleep, all right?
:'''Lois Lane''': No, I didn't close my eyes all night.
:'''Clark Kent''': Look, Lois—
:'''Lois Lane''': I understand. I understand. I sat up all ''night'' listening to the voices of reason. Do you know how vile it is to hear the first bird of the morning singing, when you've been sitting up all night, crying?
:'''Clark Kent''': I'm sorry.
:'''Lois Lane''': I'm sorry, too. I guess it's, uh… sorta like being married to a doctor, you know. The doctor gets wakened in the middle of the night, and then the wife has to cope with the fact that he's gone. I guess I'm just too selfish.
:'''Clark Kent''': No, no, you're not selfish at all.
:'''Lois Lane''': Yes, I ''am'' selfish when it comes to you. I ''am'' selfish. And I'm jealous of the ''whole world''.
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, it may not be easy for you to hear this now, but… someday, you'll—
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark! Look. Don't tell me that I'll ''meet'' somebody. You're kinda… tough act to follow, you know? Now, I'm gonna be fine. You don't have to worry about me.
:'''Clark Kent''': I like worrying about you.
:''[Lois fights more sobbing as she continues.]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Would you ''stop''? Don't you know that this is ''killing'' me? Do you know what it's like to have you come in here, every morning, and not be able to talk to you? Not be able to… show I have any feelings for you, not… be able to tell anyone I know who you are? I don't even know what to ''call'' you!
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, I don't know what to say.
:'''Lois Lane''': I dunno, just... say that you love me.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Clark returns to the diner where he was beaten by Rocky, who is stuffing his face.]''
:'''Rocky''': Gimme another plate of this garbage.
:'''Waitress Ann''': Garbage?! That's my number one special, Rocky!
:'''Rocky''': All right, Ann! Gimme some more coffee, too, will ya?
:'''Clark Kent''': Gee, that's funny. I've never seen garbage eat garbage before. Excuse me, sir, I believe you're sitting in my favorite seat.
:'''Rocky''': Come and get it, four-eyes.
:''Rocky moves to punch Clark, who picks him up and throws him across the room, where Rocky's butt lands into the table of a pinball machine and he breaks the backglass, making various pinball jingles. Truckstop patrons and the counterman look in awe''
:'''Clark Kent''': Sorry about that sir. This should cover you for damages.
:''Clark hands a wad of cash to the counterman, who still looks dumbfounded''
:'''Clark Kent''': I'm, uh, terribly sorry about all the damage, sir. Oh, I've been, uh… uh, working out.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Inside the ceiling-less Oval Office, the President sees Superman arrive with a new dome.]''
:'''Superman''': Good afternoon, Mr. President! Sorry I've been away so long. I won't let you down again.

==Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut==
'''''[[w:Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut|Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut]]''''' is an offical 2006 re-edit of Richard Lester's 1980 film, ''Superman II'' and sequel to Richard Donner's ''[[Superman: The Movie]]'' (1978).
:''Directed by '''[[w:Richard Donner|Richard Donner]]''' and written by '''[[w:Mario Puzo|Mario Puzo]]''', '''David Newman''', and '''Leslie Newman'''.
:Based on the DC Comics characters created by '''[[w:Jerry Siegel|Jerry Siegel]]''' and '''[[w:Joe Shuster|Joe Shuster]]'''.
<center> '''The Version You Have Never Seen''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]</center>

===Lex Luthor===
* That's Kryptonite, Superman. A little souvenir from the old home town?
* You were great in your day, Superman. But it just stands to reason! When it came time to cash in your chips, this old...diseased maniac would be your banker. Mind over muscle?
* ''Wrong Lex?'' Miss Teschmacher, those are two words we don't use in the same sentence.
* "''Funny''" is a person trying to smile without any teeth.

===Kal-El / Superman===
* Father? If you can hear me, I failed. I failed you, I failed myself, and... and all humanity. I traded my birthright for a life submission in a world that's ruled by your enemies. There's nobody left to help them now... the people of the world... not since I... FATHER!!

* General, haven't you ever heard of freedom of the press? ''[alternate line of "General, would you care to step outside?"]''

===Dialogue===
:'''Jor-El''': I ask you now to pronounce judgment on those accused: on this ''[referring to Non]''... this mindless aberration, whose only means of expression are wanton violence and destruction. On the woman Ursa, whose perversions and unreasoning hatred of all mankind have threatened even the children of the planet Krypton. Finally, General Zod - chief architect of this intended revolution, and author of this insidious plot, to establish a "New Order" amongst us - with himself as absolute ruler! The decision of the Council will now be heard.
:'''Council Member 1''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 2''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 3''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 4''': Guilty.
:'''General Zod''': The vote must be unanimous, Jor-El. It has therefore now become your decision. You alone will condemn us, if you wish, and you alone will be held responsible by me. ''[Jor-El signals the Phantom Zone]'' You will bow down before me, Jor-El! I swear it! No matter that it takes an eternity! YOU WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!! BOTH YOU AND THEN, ONE DAY, YOUR HEIRS!!!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Clark and Lois enter Mr. White's office]''
:'''Clark Kent''': Good Morning, Lois. How are you today?
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, I'm just ''super''. Thanks.
:'''Clark Kent''': Good morning, Mr. White.
:'''Lois Lane''': [''elbows Clark''] I'm ''super''.
:'''Perry White''': Yeah, morning. You're late, Kent.
:'''Clark Kent''': Yeah, uh, sorry, Mr. White. I got stuck in traffic.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, that's a new one.
:'''Clark Kent''': Excuse me?
:'''Lois Lane''': I mean, as opposed to: "I got stuck in a phone booth" or "I got locked in the men's bathroom".
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, what are you talking about? I'm sorry I was late-
:'''Perry White''': If you two wanna bicker, that's great! I have just the assignment for you. You're gonna pose as a honeymoon couple in Niagara Falls to get an expose on the newlywed racket. Some of the hotels up there are just bilking those poor kids for every cent they can get. Real human-interest stuff, though. Make your Aunt Hatie cry her eyes out.
:'''Clark Kent''': Um, newlyweds?
:'''Lois Lane''': That is a great idea, Mr. White!
:'''Clark Kent''': Excuse me, Mr. White, I'm sorry, but I'm right in the middle of a series on the city council and I-
:'''Lois Lane''': I mean, it wouldn't take long! We could just fly right up there and zoom back down again. No, Superman?
:'''Perry White''': Ha! Yeah. If he'd give you two a ride, maybe we could save a couple bucks.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Clark Kent''': Well, my goodness, you sure look like the cat that has swallowed the canary this morning.
:'''Lois Lane''': A canary? No, I was thinking of something a lot more bigger. Something that flies. Something more in blue.
:'''Clark Kent''': Uh, Lois, as usual, I'm totally in the dark-
:'''Lois Lane''': Let me just turn on the lights for you then. [''shows Clark Superman's picture with Clark's discription drawn on it''] Get the picture?
:'''Clark Kent''': Hmm...
:'''Lois Lane''': You know, I didn't start to put this together until this morning, which is really strange because a good reporter isn't supposed to let anything slip by her.
:'''Clark Kent''': Hmm. Well that's, um, very amusing. Yes. Excuse me.
:'''Lois Lane''': Amusing?
:'''Clark Kent''': Yes siree. That's, uh, that's very ammusing.
:'''Lois Lane''': Amusing, huh? Tall, broad sholders, dark hair; I gotta give you credit, you really had me fooled. And I'm nobody's fool... Superman.
:'''Clark Kent''': S-Superman? You mean you think I'm Superman?
:'''Lois Lane''': Willing to bet my life on it.
:'''Clark Kent''': [''laughs''] Lois, you know, you are priceless. Really! I mean that is the single most ridiculous thing I've ever - ''[Lois opens a window]'' Lois, what are you doing!?
:'''Lois Lane''': You wouldn't let me die, Superman! [''she jumps'']

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[An alarm sounds off in jail. Otis grabs a basket full of prisoners' uniforms and joins Luthor, who is serving time behind bars for his previous crime in the first movie.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': So this is how it ends for the Greatest Criminal Mind for Our Time. Not with a whimper. Not with a bang. How do they choose to reward Lex Luthor, the Greatest Genius in this World? Do they give him glory? Do they give him treasure? What matter in fact do they give him?
:'''Guard''': Life plus 25, Luthor. Get to work.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Otis''': How're we gonna get over that wall?
:'''Lex Luthor''': How'd we get in here?
:'''Otis''': We flew in, doncha remember?
:'''Lex Luthor''': That's how we're gonna get out.
:'''Otis''': Oh, no! Not that guy...
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': [Offscreen from a baloon] Psst.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Shh! Did you do "psst?"
:'''Otis''': I wish I had, Mr. Luthor, before we left.
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': Psst.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Not that "psst", that "psst."
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': Psst.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Psst.
:'''Otis''': Psst.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Don't go "psst" when I go "psst".
:'''Otis''': Oh.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Get out there and find it.
:'''Otis''': Okay. What am I looking for?
:'''Lex Luthor''': You'll know it when you see it.
:'''Otis''': Oh. Psst.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''After Miss Teschmacher rescues Lex from prison'']
:'''Lex Luthor''': Miss Teschmacher, how would you like to go on a vacation?
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': A vacation!? Do I get to wear a bikini, Lex? Please tell me you thought about me in a bikini, Lex?
:'''Lex Luthor''': No, actually I thought about you in a parka.
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': You thought about me in a parka!? You are sick, Lex. You're really sick.
:'''Lex Luthor''': That's possible. ''[points]'' North, Miss Teschmacher. Due north.
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': Um, Lex...''[points the other way]'' North!
:'''Lex Luthor''': That's what I said North!
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': Well, you said -
:'''Lex Luthor''': Don't repeat what I just said.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': You are Superman, aren't you?
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, now we've been through these haullcinations of yours before. Can't you see what you almost did? Throwing yourself off a building 30 stories high? Can't you see what a tragic mistake you almost made?
:'''Lois Lane''': I made a mistake? I made a mistake because I risked my life instead of yours.
:[''Lois pulls a gun on Clark'']
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois! Don't be insane!
:'''Lois Lane''': And don't fall down 'cause you're just going to have to get up again!
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, don't be crazy! LOIS!
:[''Lois fires at Clark, who is not affected'']
:'''Lois Lane''': It is you. I guess I've know it for the longest time.
:[''Clark removes his glasses and reveales himself as Superman'']
:'''Superman''': You realize, of course, if you'd been wrong, Clark Kent would've killed.
:'''Lois Lane''': With a blank? Gotcha!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After Kal-El and Lois sleep together in the Fortress of Solitude, Kal-El addresses the image of his father, Jor-El]''
:'''Jor-El''': The people of your planet are well pleased with you, Kal-El. You have served them faithfully and they are grateful for it. And yet you have returned to reason with me once again. My son, I have tried to anticipate your ever question. This is one I'd... hoped you would not ask.
:'''Kal-El''': My attatchments, um, the feelings which I have developed for a certain human being have deeply affected me, Father.
:'''Jor-El''': You cannot serve humanity by investing your time and emotion in one human being at the expence of the rest. The concepts are mutally exclusive.
:'''Kal-El''': And if I no longer wish to serve humanity...
:'''Jor-El''': Is this how you repay their gratitude? By abandoning the weak, the defenceless, the needy for the sake of you selfish pursuits?
:'''Kal-El''': Selfish!? After all I've done for them? Will there ever come a time when I've served enough? At least they get a chance for happiness. I only ask as much, no more.
:'''Jor-El''': Yours is a higher happiness. The fulfillment of your mission, as inspiration you must have felt. You must have felt that happiness within you. My son, surely you cannot deny that feeling.
:'''Kal-El''': No, I cannot... any more than I can deny the other, which is stronger in me, Father. So much stronger. Is there no way then, Father? Must I finally be denied the one thing in life which I truly desire?
:'''Jor-El''': If you will not be Kal-El, if you will live as one of them, love their kind as one of them, then it follows that you must become one of them. This crystal chamber has in it the harnessed rays of the red sun of Krypton. Once exposed to them all your great powers on Earth will disappear... forever. Once this is done, there's no going back. You will feel like an ordinary man and you can be harmed like an ordinary man. Think, Kal-El, I beg you.
:'''Kal-El''': Father... I love her.
:'''Jor-El''': Think, Kal-El.
:''[Kal-El steps into the chamber]''

<hr width="50%"/>
''[Extended version with Lex visiting the villians in the Oval Office]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Oh, Magnificent One. ''[bows]'' What I am bargaining with is what ''you'' do not have. The Son of Jor-El.
:'''General Zod''': The Son or Jor-El!
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[to himself]'' I said that right?
:'''General Zod''': Jor-El!? Our jailor?
:'''Lex Luthor''': No, Jorel the baseball player... ''[Non growls]'' Yes, Jor-El, your jailor. Ah, possibly you know him better by his ''nom de voyage'', or his... name he travels under — Superman.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jor-El''': Listen carefully, my son, for we shall never speak again. If you hear me now then you have made use of the only means left in you: The crystal source through which our communications begun. The circle is now complete. You have made a dreadful mistake, Kal-El. You did this of your own free will in spite of all I could say to dissuade you.
:'''Clark Kent''': I, uh...
:'''Jor-El''': Now, you have returned to me for one last chance to redeem yourself. This too finally I have anticipated, my son.
:'''Clark Kent''': Father, no...
:'''Jor-El''': Look at me, Kal-El. Once before when you were small, I died while giving you a chance for life. And now, even though it will exhaust the final energy left within me- Look at me, Kal-El. The Kryptonian prophecy will be at once fulfilled. The son becomes the father, the father becomes the son. Farewell forever, Kal-El. Remember me, my son.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Wouldn't you know it?
:'''General Zod''': ''[thinks Jimmy is Superman]'' This is the son of Jor-El?
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': No, but I bet you're a son of a-
:'''Lois Lane''': Jimmy!
:'''General Zod''': ''[to Lex Luthor]'' You promised me the son of Jor-El.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''General Zod''': Son of Jor-El. We were beginning to think you were a coward.
:'''Clark Kent''': I'm not a coward, Zod.
:'''General Zod''': It is extremely likely you are merely a fool. Like father, like son.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lex Luthor takes Jimmy Olson's cup of coffee]''
:'''Jimmy Olson''': Hey, that's for the chief!
:'''Lex Luthor''': The chief's got it.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Superman flees Metropolis; the villians return to the Daily Planet]''
:'''General Zod''': Our victory is complete. The Son of Jor-El has fled.
:'''Jimmy Olson''': Superman fled?
:'''Perry White''': I don't believe it.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Believe it.
:'''General Zod''': He fled in fear of us!
:'''Lois Lane''': He'll be back! Believe me, he'll be back.
:'''General Zod''': Then next time we will kill him.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Next time? What am I gonna do with you people, huh? I held up my end; I delivered the Blue Boy. What do I get for my triple threat? "Bow! Yield! Kneel!" That kind of stuff closes out of town.
:'''General Zod''': Why do you say this to me when you know I will kill you for it?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Kill me? Lex Luthor? Extinguish the greatest criminal flame of our age? Eradicate the only man on Earth with—
:'''Ursa''': Let me kill him!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Superman's address?
:'''General Zod''': What more do you want? I can see the greed written on your face.
:'''Lex Luthor''': A small incentive, oh Fullest One. A mere bauble to jog the memory.
:'''General Zod''': What more?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Cuba.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''After Superman destroys the Fortress of Solitude'']
:'''Superman''': Look, Lois -
:'''Lois Lane''': No regrets, okay? I did it. I got the man I loved to love me. Didn't I?
:'''Superman''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, okay then. Those people need you. Do you think I don't understand that?
:'''Superman''': We can still see each other, you know. I mean, all the time. But it just can't be -
:[''Lois kisses Superman'']
:'''Lois Lane''': Just don't forget, that's all. Don't ever forget.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Superman returns Lois Lane home]''
:'''Superman''': See you at work in the morning.
:'''Lois Lane''': Bright and early, huh? The same old Clark and the same old Lois.
:'''Superman''': Yep.
:'''Lois Lane''': Except, maybe I won't be quite so mean to you from now on. You don't have to worry. Your secret's safe with me.
:'''Superman''': I know. I know that, Lois. [''flies off'']
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, there he goes, kid. Up, up, and away.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''Clark arrives for work the next day after he turned back time again'']
:'''Clark Kent''': [''hangs his coat up''] Good morning, Lois. [''his coat falls down; Lois ignores him''] Good morning, Lois.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh. Hi, Clark.
:'''Clark Kent''': Jeepers, I have seen some faraway looks in my time, but with that look, you might as well be on the North Pole.
:'''Lois Lane''': The North Pole! No, that's too silly. Did you ever feel like you knew something that was so important that... No, you never did. I mean, I'm sitting on the single most important story of my career and I can't even remember what it is.
:'''Clark Kent''': Well, knowing- knowing you it must be about Superman. Maybe how he saved the city or saved the world or saved the universe.
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark, Clark. Listen, jealousy's really not counterproductive. Now there's some things that you can do.
:'''Clark Kent''': Oh, yeah? Really? Like what?
:'''Lois Lane''': Like... get us a pizza!
:'''Clark Kent''': A pizza? Now?
:'''Lois Lane''': Yah, I'm hungry.
:'''Clark Kent''': Actually, I don't think Mr. White would like it if -
:'''Lois Lane''': I'll pay for half of it, all right.
:'''Clark Kent''': I'm going. [''gets his coat and hat''] Lois, you know about the pizza? It's okay. I'll pay for the whole thing.
:'''Lois Lane''': You know you really are super!
:[''Clark stops and glares at her thinking she was about to say "Superman"'']

==Taglines==
===Superman II===
* The Adventure Continues.
* Miraculously freed from eternal orbit, the three outlaws from Krypton descend to earth, for ultimate confrontation.
* The three outlaws from Krypton descend to Earth to confront the Man of Steel in a cosmic battle for world supremacy.
* The Man of Steel meets his match!
* The Man of Steel is back, and better than ever!

===Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut===
* As Originally Conceived and Intended.
* The Version You Have Never Seen.
* A Hero Revealed, A Vision Restored.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Gene Hackman|Gene Hackman]] — [[w:Lex Luthor|Lex Luthor]]
* [[Christopher Reeve]] — [[w:Superman|Kal-El, Superman]] / [[w:Clark Kent|Clark Kent]]
* [[w:Marlon Brando|Marlon Brando]] - [[w:Jor-El|Jor-El]] (only appears in ''The Richard Donner Cut'')
* [[w:Ned Beatty|Ned Beatty]] — Otis
* [[w:Jackie Cooper|Jackie Cooper]] — [[w:Perry White|Perry White]]
* [[w:Sarah Douglas|Sarah Douglas]] — Ursa
* [[w:Margot Kidder|Margot Kidder]] — [[w:Lois Lane|Lois Lane]]
* [[w:Jack O'Halloran|Jack O'Halloran]] — Non
* [[w:Valerie Perrine|Valerie Perrine]] — Eve Teschmacher
* [[w:Susannah York|Susannah York]] — [[w:Lara Lor-Van|Lara Lor-Van]] (theatrical version)
* [[w:Clifton James|Clifton James]] — Sheriff
* [[w:E.G. Marshall|E.G. Marshall]] — The President
* [[w:Marc McClure|Marc McClure]] — [[w:Jimmy Olsen|Jimmy Olsen]]
* [[w:Terence Stamp|Terence Stamp]] — [[w:General Zod|General Zod]]

==See also==
* ''[[Superman: The Movie]]'' (1978)
* ''[[Superman Returns]]'' (2006)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{imdb title|id=0081573|title=Superman II}}
*{{imdb title|id=0081573|title=Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut}}
*{{rotten-tomatoes|id=superman_ii|title=Superman II}}
*{{rotten-tomatoes|id=superman_ii|title=Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Superman 2}}
[[Category:Superman films]]
[[Category:1980 films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Comic book films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:Romance films]]
[[Category:Journalist films]]
[[Category:Moon-related films]]
[[Category:Films about altered memories]]

Superman II

2017-08-10T23:59:15Z

StjJackson: /* General Zod */

'''''[[w:Superman II|Superman II]]''''' is the [[w:1980 in films|1980]] sequel to ''[[Superman: The Movie]]'' ([[w:1978 in film|1978]]). The story continues the adventures of the orphan Kryptonian, Kal-El, who has become the world's greatest hero. Superman agrees to sacrifice his powers to marry Lois Lane, unaware that three Kryptonian criminals he inadvertently released are conquering Earth.
:''Directed by '''[[w:Richard Lester|Richard Lester]]'''. ''Story by '''[[w:Mario Puzo|Mario Puzo]]'', ''Screenplay by Mario Puzo & David Newman''', and ''Leslie Newman''.
:Based on the DC Comics characters created by '''[[w:Jerry Siegel|Jerry Siegel]]''' and '''[[w:Joe Shuster|Joe Shuster]]'''.
<center>'''The three outlaws from Krypton descend to Earth to confront the Man of Steel in a cosmic battle for world supremacy.''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]</center>

==Lex Luthor==
* Think of it. Three… count them, three supervillains! Each one with the powers of Superman! They'll need a contact here on Earth! Someone with the same wonderful contempt for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness!

==General Zod==
* The vote must be unanimous Jor-El. It has therefore now become your decision. You alone will condemn if you wish and you alone with be held responsible by me...Join us. You have been known to disagree with the Council before. Yours could become an important voice in the New Order, second only to my own. I offer a chance for greatness, Jor-El. Take it! Join us! You will bow down before me, Jor-El! I swear it! No matter if it takes an eternity! YOU WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME! BOTH YOU AND THEN ONE DAY YOUR HEIRS!
* So this is planet Houston. A very strange surface!
* I like the glow. It flashes red, like the Krypton sun. But not this disturbing noise. Make way!
* [''after shooting himself, unharmed''] Crude noisemaker.
* I win! I always win. Is there no one on this planet to even challenge me?!
* [''referring to the President''] And he will answer to me! Or all of his cities shall end up like this one!
* I see you are practiced in worshipping things that fly.
* Come to me, son of Jor-El! Kneel before Zod!
* [''to Superman''] And now, finally- take my hand, swear eternal loyalty... to Zod.

==Ursa==
* I have powers beyond ''reason'' here!
* If the whole planet is watching, cannot we show them something more interesting?
* General Zod does not take orders! He ''gives'' them.
* Look- they need machines to fly!
* What kind of a backwards planet is this, where the fighting men wear jewelry and ribbons?

==Others==
* Non, you are as without thought as you are without voice. ~ Kryptonian Councilmember
* Then, if this is what you wish, if you intend to live your life with a mortal, you must live ''as'' a mortal. ~ Lara
* I'll bet you 10 dollars they're from Los Ange-leez. ~ Sheriff as he spots Zod and company in the road
* Keep it on the flame Rock, this is just minute steak. - Trucker at diner

==Dialogue==
:'''Council Member #1''': You three criminals have been caught in a further act of seditious treason! General Zod, your only feeling was contempt for our society; your only desire was to command! Ursa, the only feeling you showed was for your vicious General; your only wish: to rule at his side. Non, you are as without thought as you are without voice. This council has no hesitation in proclaiming you all...
:'''Council Member #2''': Guilty.
:'''Council Member #3''': Guilty.
:'''Council Member #4''': Guilty.
:'''Council Member #5''': Guilty.
:'''Council Member #6''': Guilty.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Perry White''': Kent, I need a story to run with the page three sidebar. Get me everything you can on this terrorist group.
:'''Clark Kent''': Right! ''[stops]'' Uh, sorry. T... terrorists?
:'''Perry White''': Get your head out of the closet, Kent! Where've you been for the past twelve hours?
:'''Clark Kent''': Home.
:'''Perry White''': Well, don't you watch television?
:'''Clark Kent''': Frankly, Mr. White, I really don't enjoy television. Too much violence. I was just reading Dickens.
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': [''races in''] Mr. Kent! A gang of terrorists seized the Eiffel Tower! In Paris!
:'''Perry White''': He knows where the Eiffel Tower is, Olsen! You do, don't you Kent?
:'''Clark Kent''': Yes, sir. Has anybody been hurt?
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Well, so far the hostages are unharmed.
:'''Clark Kent''': The hostages?
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Yeah! Terrorists! About twenty of them!
:'''Perry White''': Yeah, but that's just petty stuff. These guys claim that if the French government doesn't meet their demands, they've got a hydrogen bomb ready to level Paris.
:'''Clark Kent''': Well, geez Mr. White. That's t... terrible!
:'''Perry White''': That's why they call them "terrorists", Kent.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''A Niagara crowd witnesses Superman rescue a plummeting boy'']
:'''Woman''': What a nice man!
:'''Another woman''': Of course he's Jewish.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''After saving the boy, Superman flies behind a hot dog stand and puts on his Clark clothes'']
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois! Um, uh Lois! Uh [''offer Lois her hot dog''] Uh, here you go.
:'''Lois Lane''': Where were you?
:'''Clark Kent''': I was getting hot dogs. ''[Lois takes both hot dogs.]'' What do you mean?
:''The two start walking.''
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, it seems kind of strange to me that every time Superman's around, you disappear.
:'''Clark Kent''': Superman?! I mean, he was here?!
:'''Lois Lane''': Mm hmm.
:'''Clark Kent''': [''looks up''] Golly!
:'''Lois Lane''': And you weren't . . . as usual. So what have you got to say about that?
:'''Clark Kent''': Darn! I forgot your orange juice.
:''[Clark starts to walk away.]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark!
:'''Clark Kent''': No orange juice?

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lex Luthor and Miss Teschmacher explore Superman's Fortress of Solitude.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': It's beautiful! It has everything.
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Wrong.
:''[They exchange a "look".]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Why didn't you go before we left?
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': That was ''two days'' ago.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lois and Clark are still walking.]''
:'''Lois Lane''': You know, it's, it's really amazing. I never started to put it together before now. It's just kind of funny, you know, cause a good reporter isn't supposed to let anything slip by her.
:'''Clark Kent''': No. Course not.
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, uh, I'm beginning to get the picture.
:'''Clark Kent''': As usual, Lois, I-I really don't know what you're talking about. Um, tell you what, I-I'll meet you back at the hotel.
:''Clark starts walking away.''
:'''Lois Lane''': What's your hurry, Superman?
:'''Clark Kent''' ''[stops and turns around]'': Sorry?
:'''Lois Lane''': I gotta admit, you know. Your disguise is nearly perfect. You had me fooled. And I am nobody's fool, believe me.
:'''Clark Kent''': Oh no, of course not, Lois. I mean, you just have an active imagination. You just get carried away sometimes. Believe me, I understand. It can happen to anybody.
:'''Lois Lane''': Listen, I'm so sure you're Superman, that I'm willing to bet my life on it.
:'''Clark Kent''': What?
:'''Lois Lane''' ''[nods her head]'': Now, if I'm right, you'll turn into Superman.
:'''Clark Kent''': Hmm.
:'''Lois Lane''': And if I'm wrong, you've got yourself one hell of a story.
:'''Clark Kent''': You think I'm ''[makes a flying gesture with his arm]'' Superman? ''[Lois nods.]'' Boy, you certainly have some imagination, Lois. Huh. For a minute there, you almost had me convinced ''[turns around and starts walking]'', for a minute.
:'''Lois''': Bye bye Baby!
:[''Lois throws herself into the Falls'']

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''Lex accesses Superman's power crystals, this one makes a Kryptonian professor appear'']
:'''Kryptonian Man''': Literature Lesson #35: "[[w:Joyce Kilmer#"Trees"|Trees]]" by [[w:Joyce Kilmer|Joyce Kilmer]] of Earth. I think I shall never see a poem lovely as a tree . . .
:[''Lex interrupt the lesson intended for Superman by ejecting the power crystal'']
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': I ''like'' trees!
:'''Lex Luthor''': So does your average cocker spaniel.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Spotting the strangely dressed Kryptonians in the road, a sheriff flips on his police lights and siren.]''
:'''Sheriff''': Hey, ya hippies! Get your butts off the road!
:'''General Zod''': I like the glow that flashes red like our Krypton sun. But not this irritating noise. Make way.
:'''Sheriff''': Did I hear right? That son of a bitch give me an order?!
:''[He hands a shotgun to his deputy.]''
:'''Sheriff''': Dwayne, you take care of him.
:'''Dwayne''': But I—
:'''Sheriff''': Dwayne, you gotta learn to kick ass, you wanna be a peacemaker.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''In East Houston, Non is about to destroy a TV newscrew's equipment, but he is stopped by Zod''
:'''General Zod''': Wait! Who else is seeing this?
:'''Reporter''': Ah . . . well, with this satellite link up, uh . . . just about everybody. I mean, the whole planet!
:'''General Zod''': The whole planet Houston?
:'''Reporter''': Earth. The whole planet Earth.
:''Zod looks arrogantly into the camera''
:'''General Zod''': You may continue.
:'''Reporter''': As the extraordinary story continues . . . as this extraordinary st—
:'''Ursa'''{petulantly}: Enough of this nonsense! If the whole planet is watching, can't we show them something more interesting?
:''A US Army battalion has been deployed to East Houston''
:'''Army Major'''{via bullhorn}: Throw down your arms and surrender! This is an order!
:'''Ursa''': General Zod does not take orders. He gives them.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After Zod literally blows off a flamethrower attack from soldiers . . .]''
:'''Reporter''': I haven't seen the likes of this since Superman.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[An Army helicopter fires on the Kryptonians, to no effect.]''
:'''Ursa''': Look! They need machines to fly!
:'''General Zod''': What bravery! Be nice to them, my dear. Blow them a kiss.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''East Houston is in ruins. US Army battalion surrenders to the Zod trio'']
:'''Ursa''': Come forward. Your General wishes to speak.
:'''General Zod''': I am General Zod. Your ruler. Yes, today begins a new order! Your lands, your possessions, your very lives will gladly be given in tribute to me, General Zod. In return for your obedience, you will enjoy my generous protection. In other words, you will be allowed to live. [''Zod rips an Army general's stars from his shoulder''] So you are a general too? And who is your superior?
:'''Army General''': I answer only to the President.
:'''General Zod''': And he will answer to me! Or all of his cities will end up like this one.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''In the Fortress of Solitude, with Lois watching, Superman addresses the image of his Kryptonian mother, Lara'']
:'''Lara''': Your father and I tried to anticipate your every question, Kal-El. This is the one we hoped you would not ask.
:'''Superman''': But I have to, because... she's everything I want in life.
:'''Lara''': And she, the one you have chosen, she feels as much for you?
:'''Superman''': Yes.
:'''Lara''': Then, if this is what you wish, if you intend to live your life with a mortal, you must live as a mortal. You must become one of them.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Superman has lost his powers to be with Lois Lane]''
:'''Lois Lane''': You did all that for me, I don't know what to say.
:'''Superman''': Just say you love me.
:''[Lois is very touched upon hearing this.]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The U.S. president watches on TV as Zod, Ursa, and Non remake Mount Rushmore in their own images.]''
:'''President''': Thousands of hours to create, and they defaced it in seconds. Imagine what they'll do to the world if we resist!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Zod demands that the president kneel before him. The man complies.]''
:'''General Zod''': You are not the President. No one who leads so many could possibly kneel so quickly.
:''[The real President emerges from the group.]''
:'''President''': I am the man they're protecting. I'm the President. I'll kneel before you if it will save lives.
:'''General Zod''': It will. Starting with your own.
:'''President''': What I do now, I do for the sake of the people of the world. But there is one man here on Earth who will never kneel before you.
:'''General Zod''': Who is this imbecile? Where is he?
:'''President''': I wish I knew. [''kneels before Zod''] Oh, God...
:'''General Zod''': Zod.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''[After losing his superpowers, Clark gets beaten by rude diner patron "Rocky"'']
:'''Clark Kent''': I think... think maybe we oughta hire a bodyguard from now on.
:'''Lois Lane''': I don't want a bodyguard. I want the man I fell in love with.
:'''Clark Kent''': I know that, Lois. I wish he were here.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Clark and Lois watch the President address the nation on TV.]''
:'''President''': This is your President. On behalf of my country, and in the name of the other leaders of the world, with whom I have today consulted, I hereby abdicate all authority and control over this planet . . . to General Zod.
:'''Clark Kent''': Zod!
:'''President''': Only by strict compliance with all his directions will the lives of innocent millions be spared . . . ''[desperately]'' Superman! Can you hear me? Superman! Where—?
:''[The camera pans to Zod as he grabs a microphone.]''
:'''General Zod''': Who is this "Superman"?!
:'''President''': You'll find out, General, and when you do—
:'''General Zod''': Come to me, Superman! If you dare. I defy you! Come! Come and kneel before Zod! Zod!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Non, Ursa, and Zod lounge about the Oval Office, bored.]''
:'''Ursa''': You're master of all you survey.
:'''General Zod''': So I was yesterday. And the day before.
:''[Lex Luthor waves a white handkerchief in the doorway, knocks, then enters.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Hello, there. Lex Luthor. Lex Luthor. Possibly you've heard of the name — the greatest, eh, criminal mind on Earth?
:'''Ursa''': I told you this was a puny planet.
:''[She and Non advance on Lex]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Wait just a moment! Wait— till you get to know me better, will you, please? ''[laughs nervously]'' Wait! Look! I-I-I-I-I can give you, uh, anything you want! I-I can give you the brass ''ring''! The… uh, unlimited freedom to maim, kill, destroy! Plus . . . Lex Luthor's keen mind, Lex Luthor's savvy . . . [He grasps Ursa's hand.] . . . Lex Luthor's career guidance, Lex Luthor's school of better re—
:''[Ursa squeezes. Lex grimaces as his bones audibly crunch.]''
:'''General Zod''': We have all of this without you. You cannot bargain with what you don't have.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Oh, Magnificent One. ''[bows]'' What I am bargaining with is what ''you'' do not have. The Son of Jor-El.
:''(Non turns to General Zod, clearly intrigued by Luthor's offer)''
:'''General Zod''': ''(taken aback)'' The ''son'' of Jor-El?
:'''Lex Luthor''': I said that, didn't I?
:'''General Zod''': Jor-El, our jailer?
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''(sarcastically)'' No Jor-El the baseball player.... ''(seeing Non and Ursa start toward him)'' Uh yes! Jor-El, your jailer.
:'''General Zod''': ''(still at a loss)'' The Son or Jor-El! On this planet?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Ah, possibly you know him better by his nom de voyage, or his . . . name he travels under — Superman.
:'''General Zod''': ''(everything now making sense)'' Ah, so this is Superman. How do you know of Jor-El?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Oh, my Fullness . . . as I explained to you before . . . I'm about the best there is.
:'''General Zod''': Revenge! We will kill the son of our jailer!
:'''Ursa''': Revenge!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Revenge! Heh heh, now we're cooking, huh?
:'''General Zod''': He flies, then?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Constantly.
:'''General Zod''': He has powers as we do?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Certainly, but, uh . . . oh, Magnificent One, he is . . . just one, where you are . . . three!
:''[Non growls menacingly]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Or four, if you count him twice.
:'''General Zod''': We will bring him to his knees!
:'''Ursa''': Praying!
:'''General Zod''': Yes, to me!
:''[Zod strides toward the door, Ursa and Non following]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Wait!
:''[They turn back to Lex]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': First you must find him. And Lex Baby is the only one who knows where he is.
:'''General Zod''': What . . . do you want?
:''[Lex makes himself at home in the President's chair and lights a cigar.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Well, General . . . the world is a big place. Thank goodness, uh . . . my needs are small. Eh, as it turns out, I have this affinity for, uh . . . beachfront property.
:'''General Zod''': ''(approaching Luthor and mildly irked)'' What do you want?
:''[Lex, feet up on the Oval Office desk, makes a Nixonian double-V sign with his fingers]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Australia!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lex, walking through the Daily Planet, observes the destruction wrought by Non.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[muttering]'' Even with all this accumulated knowledge, when will these dummies learn to use a doorknob?
:''[He enters Perry White's office.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Hi! You should see the White House. They'll be cleaning it for months.
:'''Lois Lane''': Lex Luthor.
: . . .
:''[Lex suggests that Superman will emerge if Lois Lane is threatened.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': They're the best of friends. ''[snickers]'' You know what I mean?
:'''Ursa''': What an undemanding male this Superman must be.
:'''Lois Lane''': Yeah, and you could use a tuck here and there yourself, sister.
: . . .
:'''General Zod''': She lives for now. Kill the rest. ''[nods to Lex]'' Starting with him.
:'''Lex Luthor''': W— w— wait! W-wait! Wait! Don't you remember the White House? The- the Oval Room? We had a few laughs, right? Oh, it's Australia, ''Australia!'' It's too much, right, okay forget it. I can turn over a new leaf...a tree, a whole forest.
:''[Superman arrives, floating just outside Perry White's office window.]''
:'''Superman''': General? Would you care to step outside?
:'''Lois Lane''': Superman!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Superman! Thank God. [''Zod looks sharply at Lex''] I mean, get him!
:'''General Zod''': Come to me, son of Jor-El! ''Kneel'' before Zod!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''General Zod''': Son of Jor-El. We were beginning to think you were a coward.
:'''Superman''': I'm not a coward, Zod.
:'''Ursa''': Let him prove it!
:'''General Zod''': Possibly not. It is extremely likely you are merely a fool. Like father, like son.
:'''Superman''': Somehow I just can't hear you, Zod.
:''[Zod fetches slab of concrete and prepares to throw it at Superman.]''
:'''General Zod''': Then die as you deserve to!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''General Zod''': This . . . Superman is nothing of the kind! I've discovered his weakness.
:'''Ursa''': Yes.
:'''General Zod''': He cares. He actually cares for these Earth people.
:'''Ursa''': Like pets?
:'''General Zod''': I suppose so.
:'''Ursa''': Sentimental idiot.
:''(Superman rams the mammoth radio antenna back onto the Metropolis State Building, onto the momentarily supine Non)''
:'''Ursa''': He's caged Non.
:'''General Zod''': I'll draw his fire . . . with some of my own.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Man in Crowd #1''': They killed Superman!
:'''Man in Crowd #2''': Let's go get 'em!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Superman flies off, abandoning Metropolis to Zod]''
:'''General Zod''': Our victory is complete. The Son of Jor-El has fled.
:'''Jimmy Olson''': Superman fled?
:'''Perry White''': I don't believe you!
:'''Lex Luthor''': You heard him. Three against one.
:'''General Zod''': He fled in fear of us!
:'''Lois Lane''': ''(shakily)'' He'll be back! As long as he's alive, he's going to try again.
:'''General Zod''': The next time we will kill him.
:'''Lex Luthor''': The next time? The next time? What am I gonna do with you people, huh? I held up my end. I delivered the Blue Boy. What do I get for my triple threat? "Bow! Yield! Kneel!" That kind of stuff closes out of town.
:'''General Zod''': Why do you say this to me… when you know I will kill you for it?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Kill me? Lex Luthor? Extinguish the greatest criminal flame of our age? Eradicate the only man on Earth with—
:'''Ursa''': Kill him!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Superman's address?

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Zod and company arrive at the Fortress of Solitude, Lex and Lois in tow.]''
:'''General Zod''': Scruffy. So morbid! A sentimental replica of a planet long since vanished! No style at all!
:'''Superman''': ''[off-camera]'' I expect better manners from my guests, Zod.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''General Zod''': Now. The son of Jor-El will be my slave . . . forever. If not, the millions of Earthlings you protect will pay for your defiance. Destroy this place.
:''[Lex finally makes his way down the crystal walls.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Hi, guys. Uh, sorry I'm late—
:'''General Zod''': We have no more use for this one. Kill him.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Me?! Lex Luthor? General . . . y-you came to me with nothing! I gave you Superman!
:'''General Zod''': Silence!
:''[Non pushes Lex, who moves off.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Watch it! Don't touch me.
:''[Lex approaches Superman.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[muttering, to Superman]'' Guy's a clod! ''[laughs nervously]'' Promises were made, gifts exchanged, I . . . I gotta hand it to you, you know. You always told the truth. Guy always knew where he stood with you.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': ''[whispering to Lex Luthor]'': Try to get them all into this molecular chamber.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Huh?
:'''Superman''': It takes away their powers. See—
:'''Lex Luthor''': Ahh!
:'''Superman''': And turns them into ordinary human beings.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Hmm.
:'''Superman''': Now, if you could—
:''General Zod approaches them.''
:'''Superman''': Shh! Shh!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Don't go in there, General. It's a trap.
:'''Superman''': Luthor, you poisonous snake!
:'''Lex Luthor''': That's a molecule chamber. It makes people like you . . . into people like me.
:'''General Zod''': You've done well, Lex Luthor.
:'''Lex Luthor''': General, um, the crystal there activates the mechanism.
:'''General Zod''': Lex Luthor, ruler of Australia, activate the machine.
:''Non grabs Luthor from behind and flies him to the machine.''
:'''Lex Luthor''' ''[on the way there]'': Hugh! Whoa! Wuh!
:''The two land.''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Thank you. ''[grabs the crystal]'' ''[to General Zod]'' With your permission.
:''General Zod nods. Luthor places the crystal into the machine. Superman sighs while Lois cries. Superman walks into the chamber. Lois continues crying. The machine activates. Lois puts her hand to her face. Superman steps out of the chamber''
:'''Superman''': Huh, huh.
:''Lois continues crying. General Zod beckons Superman to come to him. Superman sighs and obeys.''
:'''General Zod''': And now ''[Lois sniffles and continues to do so.]'', . . . finally. ''[motions Superman to kneel, and Superman obeys]'' Take my hand and swear eternal loyalty to Zod.
:''Superman takes Zod's hand and crushes it, causing Zod to scream in pain. Superman lets go of Zod's hand, grabs Zod and lifts him into the air while standing up. Superman looks at Zod and shakes his head. He then throws Zod, who falls to his death. Non growls and attempts to fly, only to discover that he cannot. He loses his balance and falls to his death while screaming.''
:'''Lex Luthor''': He switched it. He did it to them. I mean the lights were on out here . . . while he was safe in there.
:'''Lois Lane''' ''[to Ursa]'': Hey, you know something? ''[grabs Ursa's arm and gets out of her grip.]'' You're a real pain in the neck!
:''Lois punches Ursa who falls to her death screaming.''

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': I'd knew you'd double-cross me, Luthor. A lying weasel like you couldn't resist the chance.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Are you kidding? That was ''beautiful''! Did you see the way they fell into our trap!
:'''Superman''': Too late, Luthor! Too late.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Back at the Daily Planet, Clark nervously enters the office of a brooding Lois]''
:'''Clark Kent''': Hi.
:'''Lois Lane''': Hi.
:'''Clark Kent''': How'd you sleep, all right?
:'''Lois Lane''': No, I didn't close my eyes all night.
:'''Clark Kent''': Look, Lois—
:'''Lois Lane''': I understand. I understand. I sat up all ''night'' listening to the voices of reason. Do you know how vile it is to hear the first bird of the morning singing, when you've been sitting up all night, crying?
:'''Clark Kent''': I'm sorry.
:'''Lois Lane''': I'm sorry, too. I guess it's, uh… sorta like being married to a doctor, you know. The doctor gets wakened in the middle of the night, and then the wife has to cope with the fact that he's gone. I guess I'm just too selfish.
:'''Clark Kent''': No, no, you're not selfish at all.
:'''Lois Lane''': Yes, I ''am'' selfish when it comes to you. I ''am'' selfish. And I'm jealous of the ''whole world''.
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, it may not be easy for you to hear this now, but… someday, you'll—
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark! Look. Don't tell me that I'll ''meet'' somebody. You're kinda… tough act to follow, you know? Now, I'm gonna be fine. You don't have to worry about me.
:'''Clark Kent''': I like worrying about you.
:''[Lois fights more sobbing as she continues.]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Would you ''stop''? Don't you know that this is ''killing'' me? Do you know what it's like to have you come in here, every morning, and not be able to talk to you? Not be able to… show I have any feelings for you, not… be able to tell anyone I know who you are? I don't even know what to ''call'' you!
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, I don't know what to say.
:'''Lois Lane''': I dunno, just... say that you love me.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Clark returns to the diner where he was beaten by Rocky, who is stuffing his face.]''
:'''Rocky''': Gimme another plate of this garbage.
:'''Waitress Ann''': Garbage?! That's my number one special, Rocky!
:'''Rocky''': All right, Ann! Gimme some more coffee, too, will ya?
:'''Clark Kent''': Gee, that's funny. I've never seen garbage eat garbage before. Excuse me, sir, I believe you're sitting in my favorite seat.
:'''Rocky''': Come and get it, four-eyes.
:''Rocky moves to punch Clark, who picks him up and throws him across the room, where Rocky's butt lands into the table of a pinball machine and he breaks the backglass, making various pinball jingles. Truckstop patrons and the counterman look in awe''
:'''Clark Kent''': Sorry about that sir. This should cover you for damages.
:''Clark hands a wad of cash to the counterman, who still looks dumbfounded''
:'''Clark Kent''': I'm, uh, terribly sorry about all the damage, sir. Oh, I've been, uh… uh, working out.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Inside the ceiling-less Oval Office, the President sees Superman arrive with a new dome.]''
:'''Superman''': Good afternoon, Mr. President! Sorry I've been away so long. I won't let you down again.

==Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut==
'''''[[w:Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut|Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut]]''''' is an offical 2006 re-edit of Richard Lester's 1980 film, ''Superman II'' and sequel to Richard Donner's ''[[Superman: The Movie]]'' (1978).
:''Directed by '''[[w:Richard Donner|Richard Donner]]''' and written by '''[[w:Mario Puzo|Mario Puzo]]''', '''David Newman''', and '''Leslie Newman'''.
:Based on the DC Comics characters created by '''[[w:Jerry Siegel|Jerry Siegel]]''' and '''[[w:Joe Shuster|Joe Shuster]]'''.
<center> '''The Version You Have Never Seen''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]</center>

===Lex Luthor===
* That's Kryptonite, Superman. A little souvenir from the old home town?
* You were great in your day, Superman. But it just stands to reason! When it came time to cash in your chips, this old...diseased maniac would be your banker. Mind over muscle?
* ''Wrong Lex?'' Miss Teschmacher, those are two words we don't use in the same sentence.
* "''Funny''" is a person trying to smile without any teeth.

===Kal-El / Superman===
* Father? If you can hear me, I failed. I failed you, I failed myself, and... and all humanity. I traded my birthright for a life submission in a world that's ruled by your enemies. There's nobody left to help them now... the people of the world... not since I... FATHER!!

* General, haven't you ever heard of freedom of the press? ''[alternate line of "General, would you care to step outside?"]''

===Dialogue===
:'''Jor-El''': I ask you now to pronounce judgment on those accused: on this ''[referring to Non]''... this mindless aberration, whose only means of expression are wanton violence and destruction. On the woman Ursa, whose perversions and unreasoning hatred of all mankind have threatened even the children of the planet Krypton. Finally, General Zod - chief architect of this intended revolution, and author of this insidious plot, to establish a "New Order" amongst us - with himself as absolute ruler! The decision of the Council will now be heard.
:'''Council Member 1''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 2''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 3''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 4''': Guilty.
:'''General Zod''': The vote must be unanimous, Jor-El. It has therefore now become your decision. You alone will condemn us, if you wish, and you alone will be held responsible by me. ''[Jor-El signals the Phantom Zone]'' You will bow down before me, Jor-El! I swear it! No matter that it takes an eternity! YOU WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!! BOTH YOU AND THEN, ONE DAY, YOUR HEIRS!!!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Clark and Lois enter Mr. White's office]''
:'''Clark Kent''': Good Morning, Lois. How are you today?
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, I'm just ''super''. Thanks.
:'''Clark Kent''': Good morning, Mr. White.
:'''Lois Lane''': [''elbows Clark''] I'm ''super''.
:'''Perry White''': Yeah, morning. You're late, Kent.
:'''Clark Kent''': Yeah, uh, sorry, Mr. White. I got stuck in traffic.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, that's a new one.
:'''Clark Kent''': Excuse me?
:'''Lois Lane''': I mean, as opposed to: "I got stuck in a phone booth" or "I got locked in the men's bathroom".
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, what are you talking about? I'm sorry I was late-
:'''Perry White''': If you two wanna bicker, that's great! I have just the assignment for you. You're gonna pose as a honeymoon couple in Niagara Falls to get an expose on the newlywed racket. Some of the hotels up there are just bilking those poor kids for every cent they can get. Real human-interest stuff, though. Make your Aunt Hatie cry her eyes out.
:'''Clark Kent''': Um, newlyweds?
:'''Lois Lane''': That is a great idea, Mr. White!
:'''Clark Kent''': Excuse me, Mr. White, I'm sorry, but I'm right in the middle of a series on the city council and I-
:'''Lois Lane''': I mean, it wouldn't take long! We could just fly right up there and zoom back down again. No, Superman?
:'''Perry White''': Ha! Yeah. If he'd give you two a ride, maybe we could save a couple bucks.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Clark Kent''': Well, my goodness, you sure look like the cat that has swallowed the canary this morning.
:'''Lois Lane''': A canary? No, I was thinking of something a lot more bigger. Something that flies. Something more in blue.
:'''Clark Kent''': Uh, Lois, as usual, I'm totally in the dark-
:'''Lois Lane''': Let me just turn on the lights for you then. [''shows Clark Superman's picture with Clark's discription drawn on it''] Get the picture?
:'''Clark Kent''': Hmm...
:'''Lois Lane''': You know, I didn't start to put this together until this morning, which is really strange because a good reporter isn't supposed to let anything slip by her.
:'''Clark Kent''': Hmm. Well that's, um, very amusing. Yes. Excuse me.
:'''Lois Lane''': Amusing?
:'''Clark Kent''': Yes siree. That's, uh, that's very ammusing.
:'''Lois Lane''': Amusing, huh? Tall, broad sholders, dark hair; I gotta give you credit, you really had me fooled. And I'm nobody's fool... Superman.
:'''Clark Kent''': S-Superman? You mean you think I'm Superman?
:'''Lois Lane''': Willing to bet my life on it.
:'''Clark Kent''': [''laughs''] Lois, you know, you are priceless. Really! I mean that is the single most ridiculous thing I've ever - ''[Lois opens a window]'' Lois, what are you doing!?
:'''Lois Lane''': You wouldn't let me die, Superman! [''she jumps'']

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[An alarm sounds off in jail. Otis grabs a basket full of prisoners' uniforms and joins Luthor, who is serving time behind bars for his previous crime in the first movie.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': So this is how it ends for the Greatest Criminal Mind for Our Time. Not with a whimper. Not with a bang. How do they choose to reward Lex Luthor, the Greatest Genius in this World? Do they give him glory? Do they give him treasure? What matter in fact do they give him?
:'''Guard''': Life plus 25, Luthor. Get to work.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Otis''': How're we gonna get over that wall?
:'''Lex Luthor''': How'd we get in here?
:'''Otis''': We flew in, doncha remember?
:'''Lex Luthor''': That's how we're gonna get out.
:'''Otis''': Oh, no! Not that guy...
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': [Offscreen from a baloon] Psst.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Shh! Did you do "psst?"
:'''Otis''': I wish I had, Mr. Luthor, before we left.
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': Psst.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Not that "psst", that "psst."
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': Psst.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Psst.
:'''Otis''': Psst.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Don't go "psst" when I go "psst".
:'''Otis''': Oh.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Get out there and find it.
:'''Otis''': Okay. What am I looking for?
:'''Lex Luthor''': You'll know it when you see it.
:'''Otis''': Oh. Psst.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''After Miss Teschmacher rescues Lex from prison'']
:'''Lex Luthor''': Miss Teschmacher, how would you like to go on a vacation?
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': A vacation!? Do I get to wear a bikini, Lex? Please tell me you thought about me in a bikini, Lex?
:'''Lex Luthor''': No, actually I thought about you in a parka.
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': You thought about me in a parka!? You are sick, Lex. You're really sick.
:'''Lex Luthor''': That's possible. ''[points]'' North, Miss Teschmacher. Due north.
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': Um, Lex...''[points the other way]'' North!
:'''Lex Luthor''': That's what I said North!
:'''Eve Teschmacher''': Well, you said -
:'''Lex Luthor''': Don't repeat what I just said.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': You are Superman, aren't you?
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, now we've been through these haullcinations of yours before. Can't you see what you almost did? Throwing yourself off a building 30 stories high? Can't you see what a tragic mistake you almost made?
:'''Lois Lane''': I made a mistake? I made a mistake because I risked my life instead of yours.
:[''Lois pulls a gun on Clark'']
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois! Don't be insane!
:'''Lois Lane''': And don't fall down 'cause you're just going to have to get up again!
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, don't be crazy! LOIS!
:[''Lois fires at Clark, who is not affected'']
:'''Lois Lane''': It is you. I guess I've know it for the longest time.
:[''Clark removes his glasses and reveales himself as Superman'']
:'''Superman''': You realize, of course, if you'd been wrong, Clark Kent would've killed.
:'''Lois Lane''': With a blank? Gotcha!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After Kal-El and Lois sleep together in the Fortress of Solitude, Kal-El addresses the image of his father, Jor-El]''
:'''Jor-El''': The people of your planet are well pleased with you, Kal-El. You have served them faithfully and they are grateful for it. And yet you have returned to reason with me once again. My son, I have tried to anticipate your ever question. This is one I'd... hoped you would not ask.
:'''Kal-El''': My attatchments, um, the feelings which I have developed for a certain human being have deeply affected me, Father.
:'''Jor-El''': You cannot serve humanity by investing your time and emotion in one human being at the expence of the rest. The concepts are mutally exclusive.
:'''Kal-El''': And if I no longer wish to serve humanity...
:'''Jor-El''': Is this how you repay their gratitude? By abandoning the weak, the defenceless, the needy for the sake of you selfish pursuits?
:'''Kal-El''': Selfish!? After all I've done for them? Will there ever come a time when I've served enough? At least they get a chance for happiness. I only ask as much, no more.
:'''Jor-El''': Yours is a higher happiness. The fulfillment of your mission, as inspiration you must have felt. You must have felt that happiness within you. My son, surely you cannot deny that feeling.
:'''Kal-El''': No, I cannot... any more than I can deny the other, which is stronger in me, Father. So much stronger. Is there no way then, Father? Must I finally be denied the one thing in life which I truly desire?
:'''Jor-El''': If you will not be Kal-El, if you will live as one of them, love their kind as one of them, then it follows that you must become one of them. This crystal chamber has in it the harnessed rays of the red sun of Krypton. Once exposed to them all your great powers on Earth will disappear... forever. Once this is done, there's no going back. You will feel like an ordinary man and you can be harmed like an ordinary man. Think, Kal-El, I beg you.
:'''Kal-El''': Father... I love her.
:'''Jor-El''': Think, Kal-El.
:''[Kal-El steps into the chamber]''

<hr width="50%"/>
''[Extended version with Lex visiting the villians in the Oval Office]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Oh, Magnificent One. ''[bows]'' What I am bargaining with is what ''you'' do not have. The Son of Jor-El.
:'''General Zod''': The Son or Jor-El!
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[to himself]'' I said that right?
:'''General Zod''': Jor-El!? Our jailor?
:'''Lex Luthor''': No, Jorel the baseball player... ''[Non growls]'' Yes, Jor-El, your jailor. Ah, possibly you know him better by his ''nom de voyage'', or his... name he travels under — Superman.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jor-El''': Listen carefully, my son, for we shall never speak again. If you hear me now then you have made use of the only means left in you: The crystal source through which our communications begun. The circle is now complete. You have made a dreadful mistake, Kal-El. You did this of your own free will in spite of all I could say to dissuade you.
:'''Clark Kent''': I, uh...
:'''Jor-El''': Now, you have returned to me for one last chance to redeem yourself. This too finally I have anticipated, my son.
:'''Clark Kent''': Father, no...
:'''Jor-El''': Look at me, Kal-El. Once before when you were small, I died while giving you a chance for life. And now, even though it will exhaust the final energy left within me- Look at me, Kal-El. The Kryptonian prophecy will be at once fulfilled. The son becomes the father, the father becomes the son. Farewell forever, Kal-El. Remember me, my son.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Wouldn't you know it?
:'''General Zod''': ''[thinks Jimmy is Superman]'' This is the son of Jor-El?
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': No, but I bet you're a son of a-
:'''Lois Lane''': Jimmy!
:'''General Zod''': ''[to Lex Luthor]'' You promised me the son of Jor-El.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''General Zod''': Son of Jor-El. We were beginning to think you were a coward.
:'''Clark Kent''': I'm not a coward, Zod.
:'''General Zod''': It is extremely likely you are merely a fool. Like father, like son.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lex Luthor takes Jimmy Olson's cup of coffee]''
:'''Jimmy Olson''': Hey, that's for the chief!
:'''Lex Luthor''': The chief's got it.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Superman flees Metropolis; the villians return to the Daily Planet]''
:'''General Zod''': Our victory is complete. The Son of Jor-El has fled.
:'''Jimmy Olson''': Superman fled?
:'''Perry White''': I don't believe it.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Believe it.
:'''General Zod''': He fled in fear of us!
:'''Lois Lane''': He'll be back! Believe me, he'll be back.
:'''General Zod''': Then next time we will kill him.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Next time? What am I gonna do with you people, huh? I held up my end; I delivered the Blue Boy. What do I get for my triple threat? "Bow! Yield! Kneel!" That kind of stuff closes out of town.
:'''General Zod''': Why do you say this to me when you know I will kill you for it?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Kill me? Lex Luthor? Extinguish the greatest criminal flame of our age? Eradicate the only man on Earth with—
:'''Ursa''': Let me kill him!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Superman's address?
:'''General Zod''': What more do you want? I can see the greed written on your face.
:'''Lex Luthor''': A small incentive, oh Fullest One. A mere bauble to jog the memory.
:'''General Zod''': What more?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Cuba.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''After Superman destroys the Fortress of Solitude'']
:'''Superman''': Look, Lois -
:'''Lois Lane''': No regrets, okay? I did it. I got the man I loved to love me. Didn't I?
:'''Superman''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, okay then. Those people need you. Do you think I don't understand that?
:'''Superman''': We can still see each other, you know. I mean, all the time. But it just can't be -
:[''Lois kisses Superman'']
:'''Lois Lane''': Just don't forget, that's all. Don't ever forget.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Superman returns Lois Lane home]''
:'''Superman''': See you at work in the morning.
:'''Lois Lane''': Bright and early, huh? The same old Clark and the same old Lois.
:'''Superman''': Yep.
:'''Lois Lane''': Except, maybe I won't be quite so mean to you from now on. You don't have to worry. Your secret's safe with me.
:'''Superman''': I know. I know that, Lois. [''flies off'']
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, there he goes, kid. Up, up, and away.

<hr width="50%"/>
:[''Clark arrives for work the next day after he turned back time again'']
:'''Clark Kent''': [''hangs his coat up''] Good morning, Lois. [''his coat falls down; Lois ignores him''] Good morning, Lois.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh. Hi, Clark.
:'''Clark Kent''': Jeepers, I have seen some faraway looks in my time, but with that look, you might as well be on the North Pole.
:'''Lois Lane''': The North Pole! No, that's too silly. Did you ever feel like you knew something that was so important that... No, you never did. I mean, I'm sitting on the single most important story of my career and I can't even remember what it is.
:'''Clark Kent''': Well, knowing- knowing you it must be about Superman. Maybe how he saved the city or saved the world or saved the universe.
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark, Clark. Listen, jealousy's really not counterproductive. Now there's some things that you can do.
:'''Clark Kent''': Oh, yeah? Really? Like what?
:'''Lois Lane''': Like... get us a pizza!
:'''Clark Kent''': A pizza? Now?
:'''Lois Lane''': Yah, I'm hungry.
:'''Clark Kent''': Actually, I don't think Mr. White would like it if -
:'''Lois Lane''': I'll pay for half of it, all right.
:'''Clark Kent''': I'm going. [''gets his coat and hat''] Lois, you know about the pizza? It's okay. I'll pay for the whole thing.
:'''Lois Lane''': You know you really are super!
:[''Clark stops and glares at her thinking she was about to say "Superman"'']

==Taglines==
===Superman II===
* The Adventure Continues.
* Miraculously freed from eternal orbit, the three outlaws from Krypton descend to earth, for ultimate confrontation.
* The three outlaws from Krypton descend to Earth to confront the Man of Steel in a cosmic battle for world supremacy.
* The Man of Steel meets his match!
* The Man of Steel is back, and better than ever!

===Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut===
* As Originally Conceived and Intended.
* The Version You Have Never Seen.
* A Hero Revealed, A Vision Restored.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Gene Hackman|Gene Hackman]] — [[w:Lex Luthor|Lex Luthor]]
* [[Christopher Reeve]] — [[w:Superman|Kal-El, Superman]] / [[w:Clark Kent|Clark Kent]]
* [[w:Marlon Brando|Marlon Brando]] - [[w:Jor-El|Jor-El]] (only appears in ''The Richard Donner Cut'')
* [[w:Ned Beatty|Ned Beatty]] — Otis
* [[w:Jackie Cooper|Jackie Cooper]] — [[w:Perry White|Perry White]]
* [[w:Sarah Douglas|Sarah Douglas]] — Ursa
* [[w:Margot Kidder|Margot Kidder]] — [[w:Lois Lane|Lois Lane]]
* [[w:Jack O'Halloran|Jack O'Halloran]] — Non
* [[w:Valerie Perrine|Valerie Perrine]] — Eve Teschmacher
* [[w:Susannah York|Susannah York]] — [[w:Lara Lor-Van|Lara Lor-Van]] (theatrical version)
* [[w:Clifton James|Clifton James]] — Sheriff
* [[w:E.G. Marshall|E.G. Marshall]] — The President
* [[w:Marc McClure|Marc McClure]] — [[w:Jimmy Olsen|Jimmy Olsen]]
* [[w:Terence Stamp|Terence Stamp]] — [[w:General Zod|General Zod]]

==See also==
* ''[[Superman: The Movie]]'' (1978)
* ''[[Superman Returns]]'' (2006)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{imdb title|id=0081573|title=Superman II}}
*{{imdb title|id=0081573|title=Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut}}
*{{rotten-tomatoes|id=superman_ii|title=Superman II}}
*{{rotten-tomatoes|id=superman_ii|title=Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Superman 2}}
[[Category:Superman films]]
[[Category:1980 films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Comic book films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:Romance films]]
[[Category:Journalist films]]
[[Category:Moon-related films]]
[[Category:Films about altered memories]]

Man of Steel (film)

2017-08-09T19:24:21Z

StjJackson: /* Dialogue */

{{italic title}}
[[File:Superman S symbol.svg|thumb|The [[symbol]] of the House of El means "[[Hope]]". Embodied within that hope is the fundamental [[belief]] the potential of every person to be a [[force]] for [[good]].]]
'''''[[w:Man of Steel (film)|Man of Steel]]''''' is a 2013 American superhero film directed by [[w:Zack Snyder|Zack Snyder]], produced by [[Christopher Nolan]], and scripted by [[w:David S. Goyer|David S. Goyer]]. The first film in the DC Extended Universe, it is a rebooted origin story for [[Superman]].

== Kal-El/Clark Kent/[[Superman]] ==
[[File:Henry Cavill Wondercon 2011.jpg|thumb|My father [[believed]] that if the [[world]] found out who I really was, they'd reject me…out of [[fear]]. I let my father die because I trusted him. Because he was convinced that I had to wait, that the [[world]] was not ready. What do you think?]]

* I have so many questions. Where do I come from?
* My father [[believed]] that if the [[world]] found out who I really was, they'd reject me…out of [[fear]]. I let my father die because I trusted him. Because he was convinced that I had to wait, that the world was not ready. What do you think?
* Krypton had its chance!
* Let's put our cards on the table, General. You're scared of me because you can't control me. You don't, and you never will. But that doesn't mean I'm your enemy.
* '''YOU THINK YOU CAN THREATEN MY MOTHER!?'''

== Jor-El ==
* What if a child dreamed of becoming something other than what society had intended? What if a child aspired to something greater?
* [[Earth]]'s [[sun]] is younger and brighter than ours was. Your cells have drunk in its radiation, strengthening your muscles, your skin, your senses. Earth's gravity is weaker, yet its atmosphere is more nourishing. You've grown stronger here than I ever could've imagined. The only way to know how strong is to keep testing your limits. You will give the people an ideal to strive towards. They will race behind you, they will stumble, they will fall. But in time, they will join you in the sun, Kal. In time, you will help them accomplish wonders.
* You can [[save]] her Kal. You can save all of them.
* Silencing me won't change anything. My son is twice the man you were, and he will finish what we started, I can promise you that.

== Lara Lor-Van==
* Make a better world than ours, Kal.
* His name is Kal, son of El, and he's beyond your reach.

== Jonathan Kent ==
* People are afraid of what they don't understand.
* You're not just ''anyone'', Clark, and I have to believe that you're—that you're sent here for a ''reason''. All these changes you're going through, one day—one day, you're goin'a think of them as a blessing, and when that day comes, you're goin'a have to make a choice: a choice of whether to stand proud in front of the human race or ''not''.
* You'll just have to decide what kind of man you'll want to grow up to be, Clark, because whoever that man is, good character or bad, he's—he's gonna change the world.

== Lois Lane ==
[[File:Amy Adams in St Helier, Jersey.JPG|thumb| How do you find someone who has spent a lifetime covering his tracks?]]

* How do you find someone who has spent a lifetime covering his tracks? For some, he was a guardian angel. To others, a ghost who never quite fit in.
* Welcome to the ''Planet''.
* What's the "S" stands for? .....well ,here it's an S. ...well ,how about "Super...".

== General Zod ==
* My name is General Zod. I come from a world far from yours. I have journeyed across an ocean of stars to reach you. For some time, your world has sheltered one of my citizens. I request that you return this individual to my custody. For reasons unknown, he has chosen to keep his existence a secret from you. He will have made efforts to blend in. He will look like you, but he is not one of you. To those of you who may know of his current location: the fate of your planet rests in your hands. To Kal-El, I say this: surrender within twenty-four hours, or watch this world suffer the consequences...
* Tell me, you have Jor-El's memories, his conscience, can you experience his pain? I will harvest the Codex from your son's corpse, and I will rebuild Krypton atop his bones.
* If you destroy this ship, YOU DESTROY KRYPTON!
* Look at this. We could have built a new Krypton in this squalor, but you choose the humans over us. I exist only to protect Krypton. That is the sole purpose for which I was born, and every action I take, no matter how violent or how cruel, is for the ''greater good'' of my people. And now, I have no people.  My soul—''that'' is what ''you'' have ''taken'' from ''me''!
* There is only one way this ends, Kal: either you die or I do.
* I was ''bred'' to be a warrior, Kal-El, trained my entire ''life'' to master my senses. ''Where'' did you train? '''ON A FARM!?'''

== Dialogue ==
:'''Jor-El''': Goodbye, my son. Our hopes and dreams travel with you.
:'''Lara Lor-Van''': He will be an outcast. They'll kill him.
:'''Jor-El''': How? He'll be a god to them.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Jor-El is on assembly with the Elders of Krypton]''
:'''Jor-El''': Will you not understand? Krypton's core is collapsing. We may only have a matter of weeks. I warned you, harvesting the core was suicide. It has accelerated the process of implosion.
:'''Lor-Em''': Our energy reserves were exhausted. What would you have us do, El?
:'''Jor-El''': Look to the stars, like our ancestors did, for habitable worlds within reach. We can begin by using the old outposts.
:'''Ro-Zar''': Are you seriously suggesting that we evacuate the entire planet?
:'''Jor-El''': No, everybody here is already dead. Give me control of the Codex. I will ensure the survival of our race. There is still hope. I have held that hope in my hands.
:''[There is a large blast as Zod is bringing about a coup for control of Krypton]''
:'''General Zod''': This council has been disbanded!
:'''Ro-Zar''': On whose authority?
:''[Zod shoots and kills Ro-Zar]''
:'''General Zod''': Mine. The rest of you will be tried and punished accordingly.
:'''Jor-El''': What are you doing, Zod? This is madness!
:'''General Zod''': What I should have done years ago. These lawmakers with their endless debates have led Krypton to ruin.
:'''Jor-El''': And if your forces prevail? You'll be the leader of nothing!
:'''General Zod''': Then join me. Help me save our race. We'll start anew. We'll sever the degenerative bloodlines that led us to this state.
:'''Jor-El''': And who will decide which bloodlines survive, Zod? You?
:'''General Zod''': Don't do this, El. The last thing I want is for us to be enemies.
:'''Jor-El''': You have abandoned the principles that bound us together. You've taken up the sword against your own people. I will honor the man you once were, Zod. Not this monster you have become.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Zod arrives as Jor-El and Lara are about to launch their son into space]''
:'''General Zod''': I know you stole the Codex, Jor-El. Surrender it and I'll let you live.
:'''Jor-El''': This is a second chance for all of Krypton, not just the bloodlines you deem worthy.
:'''General Zod''': What have you done?
:'''Jor-El''': We've had a child, Zod. A boy child. Krypton's first natural birth in centuries, and he will be free, free to forge his own destiny.
:'''General Zod''': Heresy! Destroy it!
:''[Zod attempts to destroy the launch, but is stopped by Jor-El and they engage each other in combat. Lara is nearly complete with the launch sequence. As Jor-El has Zod temporarily restrained he begins to plead with Lara]''
:'''General Zod''': Lara, listen to me, the Codex is Krypton's future. Abort the launch!
:''[Lara continues the launch sequence and sends her son into space]''
:'''General Zod''': '''NOOOOOOO!''' ''[Zod stabs and kills Jor-El. Lara runs over to his fallen body and mourns him]'' Your son, Lara, where have you sent him?
:'''Lara''': His name is Kal, son of El. And he is beyond your reach.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Zod is being tried for the crimes by the Kryptonian Elders]''
:'''Lor-Em''': General Zod, for the crimes of murder and high treason, the council has sentenced you and your fellow insurgents to 300 cycles of somatic reconditioning. Do you have any last words?
:'''General Zod''': You won't kill us yourself! You wouldn't sully your hands but you'll damn us to a black hole for eternity! ''[He spits at him in disgust]'' Jor-El was right! You're a pack of fools! Every last one of you! ''[He approaches Lara, but is held back by a guard]'' And you...you believe your son is safe...I will find him. I will reclaim what you have taken from us! I will find him. I will find him, Lara. '''''I WILL FIND HIM!'''''
:''[He is silenced as they are banished to the Phantom Zone]''

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Jonathan Kent shows Clark the pod in which they found him in, revealing he is not from Earth]''
:'''Jonathan Kent''': We found you in this. We were sure the government was gonna show up on our doorstep. No one ever came. ''[He hands him the key]'' This was in the chamber with your diapers. I took it to a metallurgist at Kansas State. He said whatever it was made from didn't even exist on the periodic table. It's another way of saying it's not from this world, Clark, and neither are you… You're the answer, son. You're the answer to "Are we alone in the universe?"
:'''Clark Kent''' (13 years old): I don't want to be.
:'''Jonathan Kent''': And I don't blame you, son. It'd be a huge burden for anyone to carry, but you're not just anyone, Clark, and I have to believe that you were sent here for a reason. All these changes you're going through, one day your going to think of them as a blessing and when that day comes, you're going to have to make a choice. A choice for whether to stand proud before the human race, or not.
:'''Clark Kent''' (13 years old): Can't I just…keep pretending I'm your son?
:'''Jonathan Kent''': ''[Voice breaks]'' You ''are'' my son. ''[Hugs Clark tightly]'' But somewhere out there, you have another father too, who gave you another name. And he sent you here for a reason, Clark, and even if it takes the rest of your life, you owe it to yourself to find out what that reason is.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[inside the Kryptonian ship buried in the Arctic, Clark inserts his key into a console and is greeted by an unfamiliar face]''
:'''Jor-El''': To see you standing there having grown into an adult…if only Lara could have witnessed this.
:'''Clark Kent''': Who are you?
:'''Jor-El''': I am your father, Kal, or at least a shadow of him. His consciousness. My name is Jor-El.
:'''Clark Kent''': Kal? That's my name?
:'''Jor-El''': Kal-El, it is.
:'''Clark Kent''': I have so many questions. Where do I come from? Why did you send me here?
:'''Jor-El''': You came from Krypton, a world with a much harsher environment than Earth's. Long ago, in an era of expansion, our race spread out through the stars, seeking new worlds to settle upon. This scout ship was one of thousands launched into the void. We built outposts on other planets, using great machines to reshape environments to our needs. For a hundred thousand years our civilization flourished, accomplishing wonders.
:'''Clark Kent''': What happened?
:'''Jor-El''': Artificial population control was established. The outposts and space exploration were abandoned. We exhausted our natural resources. As a result, our planet's core became unstable. Eventually, our military leader, General Zod, attempted a coup, but by then it was too late. Your mother and I foresaw the coming calamity and we took certain steps to ensure your survival. This is a genesis chamber. All Kryptonians were conceived in chambers such as this. Every child was designed to perform a predetermined role in our society as a worker, a warrior, a leader, and so on. Your mother and I believed Krypton lost something precious: the element of choice, of chance. What if a child dreamed of becoming something other than what society had intended? What if a child aspired to something greater? You were the embodiment of that belief, Kal. Krypton's first natural birth in centuries. That's why we risked so much to save you.
:'''Clark Kent''': Why didn't you come with me?
:'''Jor-El''': We couldn't, Kal. No matter how much we wanted to. No matter how we loved you. Your mother, Lara, and I were a product of the failures of our world as much as Zod was. It's hard to explain.
:'''Clark Kent''': So I'm alone?
:'''Jor-El''': No. You are as much a child of Earth now as you are of Krypton. You can embody the best of both worlds. The dream your mother and I dedicated our lives to preserve. ''[He reveals to him the Superman suit]'' The people of Earth are different from us, it's true, but ultimately I believe that is a good thing. They won't necessarily make the same mistakes we did, but if you guide them, Kal, if you give them hope. That's what this symbol means. ''[Pulls back his coat to reveal the House of El symbol on his chest]'' The symbol of the House of El means "Hope". Embodied within that hope is the fundamental belief in the potential of every person to be a force for good. That's what you can bring them.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': I figured if I turned over enough stones you'd eventually find me. Where are you from? What are you doing here? Let me tell your story?
:'''Clark Kent''': What if I don't want my story told?
:'''Lois Lane''': It's going to come out eventually. Somebody's going to get a photograph or figure out where you live.
:'''Clark Kent''': Well, then I'll just disappear again.
:'''Lois Lane''': The only way you could disappear for good is to stop helping all together and I sense that's not an option for you.
:'''Clark Kent''': My father believed that if the world found out who I really was, they'd reject me, out of fear. I let my father die because I trusted him. Because he was convinced that I had to wait, that the world was not ready. What do you think?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Father Leone''': What's on your mind?
:'''Clark Kent''': I don't know where to start.
:'''Father Leone''': Wherever you want.
:'''Clark Kent''': That ship that appeared last night? I'm the one they're looking for.
:'''Father Leone''': …do you know why they want you?
:'''Clark Kent''': No. But this General Zod, even if I surrender, there's no guarantee he will keep his word. But if there's a chance I can save Earth by turning myself in, shouldn't I take it?
:'''Father Leone''': What does your gut tell you?
:'''Clark Kent''': That Zod can't be trusted. The problem is, I'm not sure the people of Earth can be either.
:'''Father Leone''': Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust part comes later.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': Why are you surrendering to Zod?
:'''Superman''': I'm surrendering to mankind. There's a difference.
:'''Lois Lane''': You let them handcuff you?
:'''Superman''': Wouldn't be much of a surrender if I resisted. And if it makes them feel more secure, then all the better for it.
:'''Lois Lane''': What's the "S" stand for?
:'''Superman''': It's not an "S". On my world it means "[[Hope]]".
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, here it's…an "S"....how about "super....".

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Superman has a vision while his body is adapting to the Kryptonian atmosphere on Zod's ship]''
:'''General Zod''': Hello, Kal. Or do you prefer Clark? That's the name they gave you, isn't it? I was Krypton's military leader. Your father, our foremost scientist. The only thing we agreed on was that Krypton was dying. In return for my efforts to protect our civilization and save our planet, I and my fellow officers were sentenced to the Phantom Zone. And then, the destruction of our world freed us. We were adrift, destined to float amongst the ruins of our planet until we starved.
:'''Superman''': How did you find your way to Earth?
:'''General Zod''': We managed to retrofit the phantom projector into a hyper-drive. Your father made a similar modification to the craft that brought you here. And so, the instrument of our damnation become our salvation. We sought out the old colonial outposts looking for signs of life, but all we found was death. Away from Krypton, these outposts withered and died long ago. We salvaged what we could: armor, weapons, even a World Engine. For 33 years, we prepared, until finally we detected a distress beacon you triggered when you accessed the ancient scout ship. You led us here, Kal. And now, it's within your power to save what remains of your race. On Krypton, the genetic template for every being yet to be born is incarnate in the Registry of Citizens. Your father stole the registry's Codex and stored it in the capsule that brought you here.
:'''Superman''': For what purpose?
:'''General Zod''': So that Krypton can live again, on Earth. Where is the Codex, Kal?
:'''Superman''': If Krypton lives again, what happens to Earth?
:'''General Zod''': A foundation has to be built on something. Even your father recognized that.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''General Zod''': Your father acquitted himself with great honor, Kal.
:'''Superman''': You killed him?
:'''General Zod''': I did. And not a day goes by where it does not haunt me. But if I had to do it again, I would. I have a duty to my people, and I will not allow anyone to prevent me from carrying it out.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[General Zod activates the Genesis chamber]''
:'''Computer''': Genesis Chamber activated.
:'''Jor-El''': Stop this, Zod, while there's still time.
:'''General Zod''': Haven't given up lecturing me, have you? Even in death.
:'''Jor-El''': I will not let you use the Codex like this.
:'''General Zod''': You don't have the power to stop me. The command key I have entered is revoking your authority. This ship is now under my control.
:'''Jor-El''': Our people can coexist.
:'''General Zod''': So we can suffer through years of pain trying to adapt, like your son has?
:'''Jor-El''': You're talking about genocide.
:'''General Zod''': Yes. And I'm arguing its merits with a ghost.
:'''Jor-El''': We're both ghosts, Zod. Can't you see that? The Krypton you're clinging onto is gone!
:'''General Zod''': ''[Ordering the computer]'' Ship, have you managed to quarantine this invasive intelligence?
:'''Computer''': I have.
:'''Jor-El''': You'll fail.
:'''General Zod''': Then prepare to terminate it. I'm tired of this debate.
:'''Jor-El''': Silencing me won't change anything. My son is twice the man you were. He will finish what we started. I can promise you that.
:'''General Zod''': Tell me. You have Jor-El's memories. His conscience. Can you experience his pain? I will harvest the Codex from your son's ''corpse'', and I will rebuild Krypton ''atop his bones''.
:''[Zod then terminates the artificial Jor-El]''

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Zod is in sheer defeat after the destruction of everything he was going to use to terraform Earth; with the return of his crew along with Dr. Emil Hamilton, and Colonel Nathan Hardy to the Phantom Zone, Zod and Superman are the last of the Kryptonians]''
:'''General Zod''': Look at this. We could have built a new Krypton in this squalor, but you chose the humans over us. I exist only to protect Krypton. That is the sole purpose for which I was born. And every action I take, no matter how ''violent'', or how ''cruel'', is for the greater good of my people. And now, I ''have no people''. My soul…''that'' is what you have ''taken from me''!
:''[He lunges at Superman and attacks him in his rage and pain at having lost his purpose]''
:'''General Zod''': I am going to make them suffer, Kal-El. These humans you've adopted, I will take them all from you, one by one!
:'''Superman''': You're a monster, Zod. And I'm going to stop you.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''General Zod''': If you love these people so much, you can mourn for them!
:''[Zod starts firing heat vision next to a cornered family and Superman struggles to keep him from doing it]''
:'''Superman''': Don't do this! ''[the beams get closer to the family]'' Stop! ''[Zod doesn't as the family panic more]'' '''Stop!!'''
:'''General Zod''': ''[last words]'' '''''Never.'''''
:''[Superman snaps Zod's neck, killing him]''
:'''Superman''': '''NOOOO!'''

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Superman has taken down one of the government's surveillance satellite drones]''
:'''General Swanwick''': Are you effing stupid?!
:'''Superman''': It's one of your surveillance drones.
:'''General Swanwick''': That's a $12 million dollar piece of hardware!
:'''Superman''': It was. I know you're trying to find out where I hang my cape. You won't.
:'''General Swanwick''': Then I'll ask the obvious question: how do we know know you won't one day act against America's interests?
:'''Superman''': I grew up in Kansas, General. I'm about as American as it gets. Look, I'm here to help. But it has to be on my own terms. And you have to convince Washington of that.
:'''General Swanwick''': Even if I were willing to try, what makes you think they'd listen?
:'''Superman''': I don't know, General. I guess I'll just have to trust you.
:''[Superman flies away and the General turns to see Captain Carrie Farris grinning]''
:'''General Swanwick''': What are you smiling about, Captain?
:'''Captain Farris''': Nothing, sir... I just think he's kinda hot.
:'''General Swanwick''': Get in the car.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Flashback]''
:'''Clark Kent''': I'm tired of "safe!" I just wanna do something useful with my life!
:'''Jonathan Kent''': So farming, and feeding people, that's not useful?
:'''Clark Kent''': I didn't say that!
:'''Jonathan Kent''': Our family's been farming for generations, Clark.
:'''Clark Kent''': ''Your'' family, not mine. I-I don't even know why I'm listening to you right now! You're not my dad, okay? You're just a guy who found me in a field!
:'''Martha Kent''': Clark!
:'''Jonathan Kent''': It's alright, Martha. He's right, Clark has a point. We're not your parents. But we've been doing our best, and maybe... maybe our best isn't good enough anymore.

== About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' ==
*'''[[Ben Affleck]]''': One of the things I liked was Zack’s idea of showing accountability and the consequences of violence and seeing that there are real people in those buildings.
*'''Zack Snyder''': I was surprised because that’s the thesis of Superman for me, that you can’t just have superheroes knock around and have there be no consequences.
:* [http://www.ew.com/article/2015/07/02/man-steel-ending...-zack-snyder-makes-his-case "Zack Snyder defends Man of Steel ending"] KEITH STASKIEWICZ, ''Ew'' July 2, 2015

* We were pretty sure that was going to be controversial. It's not like we were deluding ourselves, and we weren't just doing it to be cool. We felt, in the case of Zod, we wanted to put the character in an impossible situation and make an impossible choice.
: This is one area, and I've written comic books as well and this is where I disagree with some of my fellow comic book writers - 'Superman doesn't kill'. It's a rule that exists outside of the narrative and I just don't believe in rules like that. I believe when you're writing film or television, you can't rely on a crutch or rule that exists outside of the narrative of the film.
: Also our movie was in a way Superman Begins, he's not really Superman until the end of the film. We wanted him to have had that experience of having taken a life and carry that through onto the next films. Because he's Superman and because people idolise him he will have to hold himself to a higher standard.
:* David Goyer [http://www.digitalspy.com/movies/superman/news/a518041/man-of-steels-david-s-goyer-on-general-zod-controversy-spoilers/ "Man of Steel's David S Goyer on General Zod controversy - spoilers"] ''Digital Spy'', by Simon Reynolds, 24 September 2013.

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
*{{Official website|http://www.manofsteel.com}}
*{{IMDb title|0770828|Man of Steel}}
*{{amg movie|527047|Man of Steel}}
*{{rotten-tomatoes|superman-man-of-steel|Man of Steel}}
*{{mojo title|superman2012|Man of Steel}}

[[Category:Superman films]]
[[Category:2013 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:Comic book films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:Thriller films]]
[[Category:Zack Snyder films]]
[[Category:DC Extended Universe]]
[[Category:Disaster films]]
[[Category:Journalist films]]
[[Category:Reboot films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by David S. Goyer]]

John Adams (miniseries)

2017-07-21T19:18:39Z

StjJackson:

{{italic title}}
[[File:Adamstrumbull.jpg|thumb|I have no attachment to any country but my own. ~ John Adams]]
[[File:US flag 13 stars.svg|thumb|Liberty will reign in America! ~ John Adams]]
[[File:George_III_(by_Allan_Ramsay).jpg|thumb|God DAMN the King! ~ Samuel Adams]]
'''''[[w:John Adams (miniseries)|John Adams]]''''' is a [[w:2008 in film|2008 HBO miniseries]] on the life of [[John Adams]] and the first 50 years of the United States.
:''Directed by [[w:Tom Hooper|Tom Hooper]]. Written by [[w:Kirk Ellis|Kirk Ellis]], based on the book by [[w:David McCullough|David McCullough]].''
<center>'''Join or Die.'''</center>
{{tv-stub}}
== ''Join or Die'' [1] ==
:'''Abigail Adams''': You do not need to quote great men to show you are one.

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:'''John Adams''': Liberty will reign in America!

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:'''John Adams''': [''on clubs used for beating out rope''] Could they not also be used for beating out men's brains?!

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:'''John Adams''': Facts are very stubborn things.

== ''Independence'' [2] ==

:'''Edward Rutledge''': South Carolina, on behalf of its sister colonies ...
:'''John Adams''': STATES!

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:'''John Hancock''': The Proclamation by King George III. "Many of our subjects, mislead by a desperate conspiracy of dangerous and ill-designing men, have forgotten the allegiance which they owe to the power that has protected and supported them and have declared rebellion and traitorously levied war against us. It is a better part of wisdom to put a speedy end to such disorders. We have thought fit to issue a royal proclamation that all our royal officers, both civil and military, are obliged to suppress such rebellion and bring the traitors to justice. When the unhappy and deluded multitude against whom this force shall be directed shall become sensible of their error, I shall be ready to receive the misled with tenderness and mercy. For those who persist in their treason...''[shocked]'' for those who persist in their treason, the punishment shall be death by hanging. Given in parliament this 26th day of October in the year, 1775...God save the King."
:'''Samuel Adams''': ''[furious]'' God...''damn'' the King!
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': God bless the King. Who else could've brought such a spirit of unity to the Congress?

:'''John Adams''': Objects of the most stupendous magnitude. Measures which will affect the lives of millions, born and unborn are now before us. We must expect a great expense of blood to obtain them but we must always remember that a free constitution of civil government cannot be purchased a too dear a rate as there is nothing on this side of Jerusalem, of greater importance to mankind. [[w:John Dickinson (Pennsylvania and Delaware)|My worthy colleague from Pennsylvania]] has spoken with great ingenuity and eloquence. He's given you a grim prognostication of our national future, but where he foresees apocalypse I see hope. I see a new nation ready to take its place in the world. Not an empire, but a republic. And a republic of laws, not men. Gentlemen, we are in the very midst of revolution. The most complete unexpected and remarkable of any in the history of the world. How few of the human race have ever had an opportunity of choosing a system of government for themselves, and their children. I am not without apprehensions, gentlemen. But the end that we have in sight is more than worth all the means. My belief says that the hour has come. My judgment approves this measure and my whole heart is in it. All that I have, all that I am and all that I hope in this life, I am now ready to stake upon it. While I'll live, let me have a country. A free country.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': My dearest friend, the break is made and now our work begins. You will think me transported with enthusiasm but I am not. I am well aware of the toil and blood and treasure that it will cost us to maintain this Declaration and support and defend these states. It is the will of Heaven that the two countries should be sundered forever. It may be the will of Heaven that America shall suffer calamities still more wasting and distresses yet more dreadful. Yet through all the gloom, I can see the rays of ravishing light and glory and that posterity will triumph in that day's transaction.

== ''Don't Tread on Me'' [3] ==

:'''Abigail "Nabby"''': Why do boys have all the pleasure?
:'''Abigail Adams:''' Because we let them.
...
:'''Abigail "Nabby"''': When they get back, we shall be very strict with them.
:'''Abagail Adams''': When they get back, we shall be far too lenient with them

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': All of Paris is a school, master Adams. A young man need only to avail himself of the lessons.

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:'''John Adams''': Our independence cannot be achieved if we are to be nothing more than a pawn in France’s never-ending game with our common enemy.

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:'''Benjamin Franklin''': Have you learned nothing, Mr. Adams? If you continue to exasperate and antagonize these people--
:'''John Adams''': As I did in Philadelphia and we declared independence, you recall.
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': In Philadelphia we ''negotiated'' independence.
:'''John Adams''': Well, you may be as patient and accommodating as you like, doctor, but for myself, I will not voluntarily put on the chains of France while I am struggling to throw off those of Great Britain!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': You know, it is universally believed that dr. Franklin has accomplished our revolution entirely by himself with a simple wave of his electric wand. Whatever merits he may have as a philosopher, as a legislator he has done very little, sir. Very little indeed.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': If ever there was a natural alliance, surely it is between the republics of the Netherlands and the United States. The Dutch first gave asylum to the pilgrims. New York and New Jersey were first settled by your countrymen.
:'''Dutch Banker''': May I remind you, that the Netherlands were a republic long before America was even an idea?
:'''John Adams''': Indeed. Indeed, sir. If I may, America and Holland are so close, in history, in religion, in government, that every Dutchman instructed in the subject must pronounce the American Revolution just and necessary, or pass censure on the greatest actions of his immortal ancestors.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dutch Banker''': There are rumours, that America will settle for a negotiated peace.
:'''John Adams''': No, sir. No. No, the only acceptable outcome is complete and irrevocable independence.

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:'''John Adams''': The charge of vanity is the last refuge of little wits and of mercenary quacks! I have long learned, that a man may give offense, and he may still succeed!

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:'''Abigail “Nabby”''': Is the war over?
:'''Abigail Adams''': Not while there is a single British soldier remaining in America. But they cannot hold on for long. Not after this. God be praised, and General Washington.

== ''Reunion'' [4] ==

:'''Abigail Adams''': Well, I have been in France for such a short time. It would be unfair to pass sentence or form judgement.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Which implies that you've already done both.
:'''Abigail Adams''': Well, if I had, Mr. Jefferson, I would only offer them after my further experience had shown my wisdom, or the error of my ways.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': An admirable caution.
:'''John Adams''': Yes, and highly uncharacteristic, I assure you.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Abigail Adams''': Paris is unique.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Yes, and best enjoyed in the company of women.
:'''Abigail Adams''': Women would add interest to many things, Mr. Jefferson, if men would allow it.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Well, that has been my experience, Ms. Adams.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I've resolved to renounce embarrassment in favor of enjoyment

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:'''Benjamin Franklin''': The English love an insult. It's their only test of a man's sincerity.

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:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I expect that any constitutional document that emerges from Philadelphia will be as compromised as our Declaration of Independency. I am increasingly persuaded that the Earth belongs exclusively to the living, and that one generation has no more right to bind another to its laws and judgements, than one independent nation has the right to command another.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': It is no small thing to build a new world, gentlemen. We have our republic. We must endeavour to keep it, if we can.

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:'''John Adams''': I shall esteem myself the happiest of men if I can be instrumental in restoring the confidence and affection - or in better words, the good old nature and the good old humour, between peoples who, though separated by an ocean and under different governments, have the same language, the same religion, and kindred blood.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''George III''': There is an opinion among some people, Mr. Adams, that you are not the most attached of all your countrymen to the manners of France.
:'''John Adams''': Yes, well, I avow to your majesty that I have no attachment to any country but my own.
:'''George III''': An honest man will never have any other.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': Abigail. Here's a fine culmination to all my years of service - fewer than half the votes of the electoral college. General Washington is unanimously acclaimed President with 69 votes, whereas I apparently am scorned by all but 34 of the electors.
:'''Abigail Adams''': John, there are two, four, six, eight, ten other names here. You have more votes than all of them put together. And John Jay comes in third with nine.
:'''John Adams''': Nonetheless, I consider - I consider such a showing a stain upon my character.
:'''Abigail Adams''': John!
:'''John Adams''': I will not and I cannot accept it.
:'''Abigail Adams''': John... You are vice president now.

== ''Unite or Die'' [5] ==

:'''John Adams''': I have seen what the future holds, Abigail. Men and manners, principles, opinions. They've altered very much in this country. Authority is our only protection against discord, civil war and sedition. Now the office of the president, no doubt, is sufficient to establish such authority. But we must not be surprised if we ever find we need a monarch -
:'''Abigail Adams''': Oh! You would do well -
:'''John Adams''': - to keep us from coming asunder!
:'''Abigail Adams''': - to keep your thoughts to yourself, John! People will say that your mind has been tainted by foreign courts. They are already saying such things in Boston.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I've been, as you know, in revolutionary France, where the streets are filled with the songs of Liberty and Brotherhood, and the overthrow of ancient tyrannies of Europe. And to return from there to this, our cradle of revolution, and find the dinner table chatter is all of money, and banks, and authority, is an unwelcome surprise.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Unwelcome perhaps, but necessary.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': The future prosperity of this nation rests chiefly in trade. Trade depends, among other things, on the willingness of other nations to lend us money.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': And how would you propose to establish international credit?
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Our first step would be to incur a national debt. The greater the debt, the greater the credit. And to that end I have recommended to the president that Congress adopt all the debts incurred by the individual states during the war through a national bank. The idea being that if the states owe Congress money, then other nations will feel more inclined to lend it to us.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': If the states are indebted to a central authority, it increases the power of the central government.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': There you have it exactly. The greater the government's responsibility, the greater its authority.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': The moneyed interest in this country is all in the north, so the wealth and power would inevitably be concentrated there in a federal government. To the expense of the south.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': If that is the case, it is unavoidable if the Union is to be preserved.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I fear our revolution will have been in vain if a Virginia farmer is to be held in hock to a New York stock jobber, who in turn is in hock to a London banker. The opportunities for avarice and corruption would certainly prove irresistible.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Well there you have it, as I have heard said, "If men were angels then no government would be necessary."

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Our constitution has many good articles, and some bad ones. I do not know yet which predominate.
:'''John Adams''': Well without this government our republic would have collapsed into anarchy long ago.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': With this government, I am not certain that we are a republic.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Well... to the revolution.
:'''John Adams''': Whose?
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': [''angrily''] They are one and the same, John! Are they not?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': Mr. President.
:'''George Washington''': Mr. President.
:'''John Adams''': Thank you, sir. Thank you.
:'''George Washington''': I am fairly out, and you are fairly in. See which of us will be the happiest.

== ''Unnecessary War'' [6] ==

:'''John Adams''': Oh, surely you and I, Thomas, can rise above the din of politics.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Nowhere is the din of politics greater than in your own cabinet, which you have inherited from Washington without making a single change. They are Hamilton's men - they are determined upon a course of war with France.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''James McHenry''': War is inevitable, sir.
:'''John Adams''': No, war is never inevitable. It must be the course of last resort. How great would be the guilt of an unnecessary war?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': These war measures will protect us from insurrection and subversion.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': There is no war.
:'''John Adams''': And that is the principle behind these measures - the prevention of war.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': You cannot protect the nation by attacking the right of every man to speak freely without fear. You're trampling on the constitution. The states will have no alternative but to resist these measures, which are an assault on the liberty of their people.
:'''John Adams''': Yes, but the people's representatives demanded these acts. Would you have me deaf to the voice of the people?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': If we're forced to rely on incompetent state militias for our defense, we may as well start learning French now, Mr. President. ''[chuckling]'' A national army binds the country much as a national bank does.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Let us not forget there are those in our own country, sir, who would prefer secession to our continued Union. If they should be so bold as to act on their threats, in the event, say, of a French victory, we must be prepared to bring the renegades back into the fold by force if necessary.
:'''John Adams''': Never in my life have I heard a man speak more like a fool. Your actions, Mr. Hamilton, would precipitate the very thing that you pretend to protect against; the dissolution of this nation.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Timothy Pickering''': Why on earth would you disband the army when we are preparing for war?
:'''John Adams''': Why on earth do we need an army when we are preparing for peace?
:'''Timothy Pickering''': You must abandon this folly of a renewed peace commission--
:'''John Adams''': You may think it folly, Mr. Pickering. I do not.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': You, sirs, are subservient to Hamilton, who ruled General Washington and would rule me, if he could. Mr. Jefferson, whom you despise, is an infinitely better man. ''[shouting]'' I would rather be vice-president under him or resident minister to the Barbary pirates than be indebted to a creature such as Hamilton for my present post!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Abigail Adams''': Half-fed slaves building our nation's capital. What possible good can come from such a place?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': If the Federalist conspirators are allowed to defeat this election, there will be resistance by force, and the consequences could be incalculable.
:'''John Adams''': The outcome of this election is within your power. You would do well to quiet your revolutionary notions, Thomas. You have only to say that you will not turn out the government's officers, will maintain the navy, that you will honor the national debt -all of which the Federalists hold dear- and the government will instantly be in your hands.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I will not enter office but in perfect freedom to follow the dictates of my own judgment.

== ''Peacefield'' [7] ==
:'''John Adams''': I consider the true history of our revolution to be lost forever.

Ending Narrative

:'''John Adams''': My dearest friend, whether I stand high or low in the estimation of the world, my conscious is clear. I thank God I have you as a partner in all the joys and sorrows, all the prosperities and adversities of my life, to take a part with me in the struggle...
:'''Mrs Adams''': Should I draw you the picture of my heart, you would know with what indescribable pleasure I have seen so many scores of years roll over our heads, with an affection heightened and improved by time. Nor have the dreary years of absence in the smallest degree effaced from my mind the image of the dear untitled man to whom I gave my heart. You could not be, nor did I wish to see you, an inactive spectator...
:'''John Adams''': Oh posterity, you will never know how much it cost us to preserve your freedom. I hope that you will make a good use of it, for if you do not, I shall repent in Heaven that I ever took half the pains to preserve it.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Paul Giamatti|Paul Giamatti]] - [[John Adams]]
* [[w:Laura Linney|Laura Linney]] - [[Abigail Adams]]
* [[w:David Morse|David Morse]] - [[George Washington]]
* [[w:Clancy O'Connor|Clancy O'Connor]] - [[w:Edward Rutledge|Edward Rutledge]]
* [[w:Sarah Polley|Sarah Polley]] - Abigail 'Nabby' Adams
* [[w:Rufus Sewell|Rufus Sewell]] - [[w:Alexander Hamilton|Alexander Hamilton]]
* [[w:Justin Theroux|Justin Theroux]] - [[w:John Hancock|John Hancock]]
* [[w:Tom Wilkinson|Tom Wilkinson]] - [[Benjamin Franklin]]
* [[w:Danny Huston|Danny Huston]] - [[Samuel Adams]]
* [[w:Stephen Dillane|Stephen Dillane]] - [[Thomas Jefferson]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0472027|title=John Adams}}
* {{tv.com show|75065|John Adams}}
* The official [http://www.hbo.com/films/johnadams/ site]

[[Category:HBO shows]]
[[Category:Documentary television series and miniseries]]
[[Category:Television programs based on books]]
[[Category:Television series based on actual events]]
[[Category:American TV shows]]

House (Season 7)

2017-06-14T05:29:14Z

StjJackson: /* Office Politics [7.06] */

----
:'''Seasons:''' [[House (Season 1)|1]] [[House (Season 2)|2]] [[House (Season 3)|3]] [[House (Season 4)|4]] [[House (Season 5)|5]] [[House (Season 6)|6]] [[House (Season 7)|7]] [[House (Season 8)|8]] | [[House (TV series)|Main]]
----

'''''[[w:House (TV series)|House]]''''' (2004–2012), created by David Shore, is about an irreverent, controversial, but successful doctor who trusts no one, least of all his patients.

=== ''[[w:Now What? (House)|Now What?]]'' [7.01] ===
:''[Wilson is knocking on the door.]''
:'''Cuddy''': Just let him in.
:'''House''': No! He's like a stray... he'll eat everything, shed all over the place, and crap on the floor.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': ''[Answers cell phone]'' Hi, this is Gregory House. I can't take your call at the moment. Please leave a message. If this is Wilson, I'm fine. Not suicidal. Not on drugs. Coping very well with the loss of my last patient. So feel free to go about your day without worrying. Beeeeep.
:'''Wilson''': ''[both outside House's door and on cell phone]'' House, you can't just NOT show up to work. What's Cuddy going to say?
:'''House''': If this is still Wilson, she gave me the day off and tomorrow. ''[Cuddy glares at him.]'' Okay, maybe not tomorrow, but today. I'm fine. Now go away! ...........beeeeeeeep.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thirteen''': So you gonna ask me about this Huntington's trial? And by ask I mean give me your opinion.
:'''Chase''': No. There's one thing, though....will you have sex with me?
:'''Thirteen''': ...what?
:'''Chase''': Well, this trial mean you're leaving right away. I was playing a long game. Deadlines have been moved up.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cuddy''': I really do have to leave.
:'''House''': I know.
:'''Cuddy''': Then what's the problem?
:'''House''': This isn't going to work.
:'''Cuddy''': ....that's it? You can't just say that and shut up.
:'''House''': It's just a statement of fact, it's not a debatable proposition.
:'''Cuddy''': Right...because you can see the future.
:'''House''': No, but I can see the past and you're going to remember all the horrible things I've done and try to convince yourself that I've changed and I'm going to start doing those horrible things again because I haven't changed..then you'll realize that I'm an insane choice for someone who has a kid. And from there it's a short step to the inevitable conclusion that all of this...was a mistake. Tell me any of that isn't true.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cuddy''': The only time you're afraid is when you're happy. You just don't expect it to last.
:'''House''': 'Cause it doesn't.
:'''Cuddy''': You don't know that.
:'''House''': I've done horrible things to you. And I'll do horrible things again, to you. Because of one stupid moment with a dying girl in a pile of rubble, you think I can change. Tell me where I am wrong.
:'''Cuddy''': I don't want you to change. I know you're screwed up. I know you are always going to be screwed up. But you're the most incredible man I've ever known. You are always going to be the most incredible man I have ever known. So, unless you're breaking up with me, I am going home now.
:''[She kisses him goodbye and gets up to leave, to be held back by House grabbing her hand.]''
:'''House''': I love you.

=== ''[[w:Selfish (House)|Selfish]]'' [7.02] ===
:'''Wilson''': What happened?
:'''House''': She said 'yes' and I heard 'no'. I didn't actually hear 'no', but I just was sure that was what she meant. What do I even care what she meant? She said 'yes' and that's all that matters. ....I'm screwing this up.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After Cuddy gives House a kiss in front of Wilson to confirm House's claims to him]''
:'''Wilson''': I've been more passionate with my great-aunt.
:'''House''': Mabel? Up high!
:''[A brief pause after House holds up his right hand. Cuddy grabs his crotch with a surprised look from Wilson.]''
:'''Cuddy''': We done here?
:''[Wilson nods and she leaves.]''
:'''House''': She didn't even ask me to cough.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hugo''': ''[To his sister Della, the patient]'' You do so many great things. I just watch. I get to watch and coach and cheer. That's not me out there. It never will be. If you take this piece of me, carry it with you, then I really can share everything you do. THIS is the great thing I can do with my life. Don't make me live without you.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cuddy''': HR can't find you a new supervisor.
:'''House''': How come?
:'''Cuddy''': Because you're unsuperviseable, House. Two department chairs threatened to quit.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Taub''': And you're not worried you're being selfless to the point of self-denial?
:'''Della''': You've never been inspired by someone?

=== ''[[w:Unwritten (House)|Unwritten]]'' [7.03] ===
:'''Foreman''': So we're taking this case because you are a fan?
:'''House''': No, that would be crazy and unprofessional. You're taking this case because I said so.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cuddy''': You used a 3 million dollar piece of hospital equipment so you could read a novel?
:'''House''': Cool, right?
:'''Cuddy''': Well, as your girlfriend, I'm impressed. As your boss, you're a jackass. Don't do it again.
:'''House''': As your boyfriend, I thank you. As your employee, I resent you because I need this for my case.
:'''Cuddy''': As your boss, you just got six more clinic hours next week.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': We need to make her cooperate. We have to offer her something she wants.
:'''Foreman''': She wants to kill herself, House.
:'''House''': ...I can work with that.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': I've been busy.
:'''Cuddy''': Doing what?
:'''House''': You.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': We're fine. Never seen her happier.
:'''Wilson''': Yeah? How about you?
:'''House''': I'm worried.
:'''Wilson''': Because she's happy?
:'''House''': No. Because I am.
:'''Wilson''': House, that's...
:'''House''': Ironic? Weird? Crazy?
:'''Wilson''': I was going to say normal.

=== '' [[w:Massage Therapy (House)|Massage Therapy]]'' [7.04] ===
:'''Chase''': Oh, and she's not like Cameron.
:'''House''': True. Cameron had much smaller breasts. By which I mean she was smarter.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': So this time I'm gonna put you at ease. It's just you and old Doc House. A couple of pals chittin' the chat.
:'''Chase''': Why not just place a chair above a trap door with a shark tank underneath?
:'''House''': Wednesday is when I have my shark tank cleaned.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kelly''': Normal EKG. No osler nodes.
:'''House''': Right, Dr. Kelly!
:'''Chase''': Kelly's her first name.
:'''House''': What's your point, Dr. Robert?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Chase''' [to Foreman]: So who gives a crap if I prepped her?
:'''Foreman''': Uh, House. And that's just off the top of my head.
:'''Chase''': Why are you doing this? You trying to make me look bad so you look better… or you don't like her, or you're angry at me? What?
:'''Foreman''': We hire someone unqualified, it's just dead weight we'll all be pulling. Me especially.
:'''Chase''': You especially why?
:'''Foreman''': What do you mean why? Because I'm...
:'''Chase''': You're what? You're my boss or something?
:'''Foreman''': Something like.
:'''Chase''': So that's what it is. You're angry that House gave me the chance to hire someone because you still think you're at a different level to everyone else. That's just pathetic.
:'''Foreman''': I am at a different level.
:'''Chase''': Which is reflected in what, exactly? Your title? No. Your salary? Not really. Your responsibilities? Hardly. Your attitude? Ah. I think we finally found it.
:'''Foreman''': It doesn't change the fact that you made a bad decision because you want to get laid.
:'''Chase''': Or the fact that you're courageously picking on Kelly because you're scared to take on House. Congratulations. You're a real leader.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': You know what, I'm back to the Cameron theory. That you hired the dumb version of Cameron so that you could fire her and get revenge.
:'''Foreman''': Give her a break.
:'''House''': Oh, you've switched sides? Let me guess, Chase represents the dumb version of Thirteen…
:'''Foreman''': I realized if we all just keep pressuring Kelly, of course she's gonna get stuff wrong. It's irresponsible of me to let that happen.
:'''House''': You are a true leader of men.

=== '' [[w:Unplanned Parenthood (House)|Unplanned Parenthood]]'' [7.05] ===
:'''Wilson''': Hey, hey, hey! You are not going to pin this on me. Rachel needs to be monitored for 24 hours to see that the dime passes. You know, just to make sure she doesn't die.
:'''House''': You're telling me to do the right thing ''while climbing out the window''?!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Wilson''': ''[to House]'' You told me you gave them your credit card...
:'''House''': And you were dumb enough to believe me. ''[Wilson walks into the house and sees Rachel. House picks up his jacket]'' Cuddy'll be back in an hour and ten minutes... I'll be back in an hour and five.
:'''Wilson''': ''[follows House to the door]'' Ohhh, no, you don't.
:'''House''': Oh, yes, I do.
:'''Wilson''': You're not gonna leave the kid?
:'''House''': Yes, I am. ''[begins putting on his coat]'' 'Cause unlike you, I don't have a conscience.
:'''Wilson''': ''[tries to get past House to the door]'' And unlike you, I'm not having sex with Cuddy, so I actually can leave.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Taub''': So what do you guys think of Dr. Cheng?
:'''Chase''': Best treatment for a vascular malformation is surgery. And I think your wife thinks you shouldn't think anything of Dr. Cheng.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Taub''': ''[to Chase]'' So, what was that shrug? A "Dr.-Cheng-could-work" shrug? Or a "House-is-gonna-crush-you-for-even-considering-her" shrug? ''[Chase shrugs again]'' You suck.
:'''Chase''': House is gonna hate anyone we hire, because he doesn't want to hire ''[gesticulates wildly]'' ...anyone.
:'''Taub''': So you think I should abstain? Just give the decision back to him?
:'''Chase''': Then he'll just mock you for being a wuss. You're screwed.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Wilson''': ''[to House]'' If Rachel wakes up, she's gonna tell Cuddy everything.
:'''House''': She's two! Last night, she was whining about the giant moose that lives outside her window.

=== ''[[w:Office Politics (House)|Office Politics]]'' [7.06] ===
:'''House''': Black guy campaigning for the opposition? Does Obama know about this?
:'''Dr. Foreman''': I tried calling him on the brotha hotline. He didn't pick up.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. Cuddy''': You'll figure something out. The two of you have a combined IQ north of 300
:'''House''': That's also true of five morons.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': How mad would you be if I fired Masters?
:'''Dr. Cuddy''': Very. Unless you had cause. Real cause. Cause that a human being would consider cause.
:'''House''': Never mind, then.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': Say something brilliant.
:'''Masters''': Oh, I, I don't...
:'''House''': Capital of Azerbaijian?
:'''Masters''': Baku.
:'''House''': Year Beethoven died?
:'''Masters''': 1827.
:'''House''': Twentieth decimal of Eulier's Number?
:'''Masters''': Six. ''[giggles]'' It's my favorite constant.
:'''House''': She's like the Internet with breasts. Oh, no, wait--the Internet has breasts.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': ''[to Cuddy]'' Just because my sausage has been filling your bun doesn't mean you get to decide what flavor chips I nosh on during the day.
:'''Cuddy''': Nope, I get to do that because I'm your boss.

=== ''[[w:A Pox on Our House|A Pox on Our House]]'' [7.07] ===
:'''Chase''': ''[to House]'' You just tried this. I'm not a better liar than Foreman.
:'''House''': Sure you are. You're descended from convicts.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': Why aren't you guys in my office?
:'''Foreman''': Why are you in the building? It's 8:00 in the morning.
:'''House''': Where's Chase?
:'''Taub''': He's not here because it's 8:00 in the morning.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Masters''': ''[to House]'' You don't trust me.
:'''House''': Going behind your back works better when you're not facing us.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Masters''': Julie doesn't have smallpox.
:'''House''': Did I just dream the part where I finally agreed it was smallpox? Well, if what I thought was reality was actually a dream, then the reverse... oh, my God, I had a threesome with Beyonce and Lady Gaga.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Chase''': Your Jedi mind tricks won't work here.
:'''House''': ''[gesture with his hand]'' Those are not the droids you are looking for.

=== ''[[w:Small Sacrifices (House)|Small Sacrifices]]'' [7.08] ===
:'''Marisa''': You don't believe in God?
:'''House''': I did. Then I grew my curly hairs.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': Classic Neurohecatia. Two days of anticholinergics, you'll be walking out of here.
:'''Ramon''': Really?
:'''House''': No. I just made that up to see your reaction. Diagnostic test. This is awesome. 33-year-old carpenter presenting with narcissism, delusions of grandeur, hallucinations.
:'''Taub''': He hasn't had hallucinations.
:'''House''': I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about "him" with a capital "o-m-g."

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ramon''': Faith is not a disease.
:'''House''': No, of course not. On the other hand, it is communicable, and it kills a lot of people.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Masters''': You're smiling. Does that mean that you're comfortable with your choice? Or that you're afraid? Because this may be your only hope.
:'''Ramon''': You can prescribe a lot of things, but hope isn't one of 'em.
:'''House''': Sticking by your convictions and damning the consequences. You two have a lot in common. You're both idiots.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': ''[to Cuddy]'' I've been an idiot. I got this argument stuck in my head. If everybody lies, then trust is not only unfounded and pointless, it's fictional. But trust is not an argument that can be won or lost. Maybe I just have to suspend my cynicism and believe. Maybe it's time I took a leap of faith. ''[pause]'' I'm sorry. I won't lie to you again.

=== ''[[w:Larger than Life (House)|Larger Than Life]]'' [7.09] ===
:'''Cuddy''': Wilson.
:'''House''': It's uh, bowling night. He'll never forgive me if I don't. Oh, screw it. I'm coming.
:'''Cuddy''': No, no. no. I am not going to be responsible for that. You drugged the man, you go bowling with him.
:'''House''': Well, my chances of sex are considerably lower with Wilson.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Arlene''': I wish that you would take a second look. I'm tired all the time, and when it's cold I get this weird pain in my shoulder.
:'''House''': I have a pain in my leg. You don't hear me complaining... except for just now.
:'''Arlene''': How do doctors get this idea you're better than everyone else?
:'''House''': Probably all that pulling people back from the brink of death, it's just a guess.
:'''Arlene''': My own daughter is a doctor. She makes a hobby of dismissing my concerns.
:'''House''': She sounds smart.
:'''Arlene''': Did she tell you to say that?
:'''House''': I've never met your daughter.
:'''Arlene''': That's hard to believe, since you're currently shtupping her.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Masters''': Why is your assumption of his guilt more valid than my assumption of his selflessness?
:'''House''': Because my assumption is backed up by millions of men, and Taub, who cheated on their wives.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Wilson''': You have to go. Your girlfriend's birthday? It's not even a question.
:'''House''': She has one every year. How often do you break up with the love of your life? Okay, for you, it's more often than most, but still...
:'''Wilson''': I'm a big boy. I think I'll survive.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Masters''': Jack has an infection that's spread to his mastoid.
:'''House''': Great. We'll confirm that in a week, when your secret cultures have sprouted.
:'''Masters''': Am I in trouble?
:'''House''': I only get mad when you waste my time. Couldn't care less about yours. But let me know when they come back negative, and I'll mock you.

=== ''[[w:Carrot or Stick (House)|Carrot or Stick]]'' [7.10] ===
:'''Masters''': ''[about Driscoll]'' Military history. In suspiciously good shape for his age. Makes a living bullying kids. I'm thinking… steroids?
:'''House''': Fascinating.
:'''Masters''': ''[smiles]'' Thanks. We can wean him off...
:'''House''': Steroids isn't fascinating, it's moronic. There's no other sign of hormonal imbalance. What's fascinating is that you equate discipline with bullying. Which means that your parents either disciplined you too much or too little. I'm guessing too little.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Foreman''': ''[about Masters]'' She's brilliant, but new to the real world.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': How do you cheat on a test when there's no test?
:'''Wilson''': Sorry, not playing. ''[gets up, grabs his lab coat, and leaves his office with House following behind him.]'' Go away, House. ''[puts on his lab coat while walking]'' I am not giving you advice just so you can distort it to suit your own warped world view.
:'''House''': But it's been working so well. Cuddy wants to get Rachel into Waldenwood Preschool. The problem is, Rachel's dumber than a paste sandwich.
:'''Wilson''': And her not getting in bothers you. You care about Rachel. That was not advice.
:'''House''': Cuddy cares about her. When Rachel gets rejected, Cuddy will be upset. And as the boyfriend, I will be expected to be supportive and consoling.
:'''Wilson''': Not your strengths, I grant you. Leave it alone. It's just a play date. It'll be fine.
:'''House''': Play date being their code for way to weed out the paste sandwiches. They'll hand her puzzles and counting games, and Rachel will just sit there and eat the pieces. ''[gets an idea and turns & walks off]''
:'''Wilson''': Oh, crap! Crap! I'm such a sucker!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Foreman calls House on his cell phone as House is at a playground]''
:'''Foreman''': House, where are you?
:'''House''': Playground. Great place to meet chicks. Their moms too.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Chase''': Everywhere you looked, gingham and stuffed animals.
:'''Taub''': How did you get out of there?
:'''Chase''': I didn't… right away. Wasn't anything wrong with her physically.
:'''Taub''': One down, two members of the threesome to go. You should flip a condom to choose.

=== ''[[w:Family Practice (House)|Family Practice]]'' [7.11] ===
:''[House and his team are watching television in the morgue]''
:'''Masters''': ''[whispers]'' Is no one going to tell me.. ''[House shushes her as he watches television]'' Why we're in the morgue?
:'''Chase''': House is on the lam from someone. Taub's got his money on Wilson, but I'm pretty sure it's Cuddy.
:'''Foreman''': Fool's bet. There's a whole world of angry patients, creditors…

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Taub''': You bugged the room?
:'''House''': I absolutely, without apology, will admit that someone may have allegedly done so.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Taub''': Am I a horrible person? I used to win awards for volunteer work. I went to Guatemala and fixed cleft palates. Now we're sitting back letting Chase do our dirty work.
:'''Foreman''': We're doing the right thing. Stay out of it.
:'''Taub''': I don't know. I don't know about anything anymore. Then this thing with the kid, Rachel's brother...
:'''Foreman''': Stay out of that too. A: radiologists — experts, unlike you — said no bleed. B: you yourself said it's probably not. C: you've got no doctor-patient relationship. D: you'll lose your consulting job. E: your ex will kill you. F: I'm running out of alphabet here.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cuddy''': I asked you before why you were tough on me.
:'''Arlene''': I wasn't.
:'''Cuddy''': You were. And I know why. You see something in me that you didn't see in Julia and you didn't see in you — a type of ambition, a type of brains. That's why you rode me. You made me yearbook editor, summa undergrad, A.O.A. in med school. The only time I ever see light in your eyes is when you hear me talking about my job. The reason you keep coming to see me in the clinic is because you trust me. You trust my medical judgment. So here it is. If you transfer to Princeton General, you'll be treated well, and you'll die. If you stay here with House, you'll be treated badly, but you'll live. I don't care if I have to slash the tires of every ambulance in this bay, Mom. I am not letting you leave my hospital.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': Once again, you are unfired.
:'''Masters''': Why?
:'''House''': You sold me out even though you knew that you were gonna get thrown out of med school. That's just… kind of impressive.
:'''Masters''': I keep my job if I stand up to you. I keep it if I don't. I… don't buy it.
:'''House''': When Cuddy was protecting me before, she was protecting a doctor. She's now protecting a boyfriend. The hospital's not gonna put up with that for long. So I need you to protect me from doing something Cuddy will regret.

=== ''[[w:You Must Remember This (House)|You Must Remember This]]'' [7.12] ===
:'''Foreman''': You're nothing but excuses and distractions.
:'''Taub''': Well, it's a nice match with your condescension and superiority.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': Picture a door. Unlocked with the key of the mind. Two medical cases, both more fascinating than the last.
:'''Masters''': That actually makes no logical sense.
:'''House''': This is not a door to logical sense. Also, shut up.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Masters''': What about a tutor?
:'''Taub''': I don't need a tutor.
:'''House''': Tutor it is. Choose your poison. Chase, if you prefer pounding Aussie beers and commiserating over the suckiness of divorce. Masters, if you want nervous energy, flash cards, and obnoxious pieces of arcane trivia. Foreman, if you need to be berated by a humorless hard-ass.
:'''Taub''': Foreman.
:'''House''': Interesting. You must be more worried than you look.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Taub''': I'm totally fine. I aced my first pathology boards.
:'''Foreman''': Medicine's come a long way in the last hundred years.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Foreman''': Why are you giving me these?
:'''House''': Because, while they're all running all these tests, you will be submitting the insurance forms.
:''' Foreman''': There's an entire department for that.
:'''House''': Exactly. The Foreman Department. Of which you are the foreman, Foreman.

=== ''[[w:Two Stories (House)|Two Stories]]'' [7.13] ===
:'''House''': Any questions?
:'''Alex''': ''[raises his arm]'' What's a vibrator?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sophie''': Isn't that like sexual harassment?
:'''House''': Not if you are good-looking.
:''[after House tells the class about the lung]''
:'''Sophie''': How is it even possible?
:'''House''': That's what she said. ''[after noticing that the class keeps looking at him]'' No, seriously, she really said that.
:'''Masters''': ''[flashback]'' How is it even possible?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cuddy''': I just need some time alone.
:'''House''': Because I used your toothbrush?!
:'''Cuddy''': And you didn't take out the trash.
:'''House''': That's insane. You know that, right?
:'''Cuddy''': You do ''whatever you want''. Always.
:'''House''': I said I was sorry! I was still half asleep. I wasn't paying attention!
:'''Cuddy''': And you're always right. And not you always think you're right. You are actually always right, because that's all that matters.
:'''House''': That doesn't even make sense. You want me to be wrong?
:'''Cuddy''': I want you to care about more than just what you want. What you think. You need me, House. You may even love me, but you don't ''care'' about me, and deserve someone who does.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ms. Fields''': Dr. House, can I ask you a question? Are you insane or just stupid?
:'''House''': Is there a third option?
:'''Fields''': Actually, I don't think there is.
:'''House''': I'm sorry. I just wasn't thinking. I mean, I was, but only about myself, which is apparently the way I am. Usually. Not always. I need to convince someone of that.
:'''Fields''': And you think you can do that by getting someone to pull strings to get her daughter into our pre-school. I spoke to Sanford Wells.
:'''House''': You can call the police. You can turn me in for lying at the accident.
:'''Fields''': I'm sure Mr. Dryden has already taken care of that.
:'''House''': Let her daughter in. She's a great kid and Dr. Cuddy is a great mom. They'll fit in perfectly here.
:'''Fields''': And how exactly does admitting her daughter prove how unselfish you are? It seems like you're still doing it to help yourself, not anyone else.
:'''House''': I don't know. I just know that I need to do something. I need her in my life. Do you know what it's like to actually need someone?
:'''Fields''': Yes. I do. But I also know what it's like to have responsibilities. Maybe it's time you grew up.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': Who password protects a computer they keep in a locked desk in a locked office?
:'''Masters''': Someone who works with someone who thinks it's okay to break into other people's homes.

=== ''[[w:Recession Proof (House)|Recession Proof]]'' [7.14] ===
:'''Cuddy''': House! I assume you're avoiding me because of the charity gala.
:'''House''': This Friday? It's completely slipped my mind.
:'''Cuddy''': So you'll be there?
:'''House''': No, I meant it slipped my mind to tell you I'm not going.
:'''Cuddy''': What do you think it'll look like if you don't show up when I get an award?
:'''House''': Like I don't give a crap about awards, charities, what it looks like.
:'''Cuddy''': If you ever want…
:'''House''': I RSVPed two days ago. What, you think I'm a complete ass?
:'''Cuddy''': If you were already going, why did you…
:'''House''': Foreplay.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Foreman''': Are you wearing my tie?
:'''Taub''': Oh, I saw it in your closet, and it happened to match my shirt.
:'''Foreman''': Why were you in my closet?
:'''Taub''': Looking for a tie. What's the big deal?
:'''House''': Obviously, he wants you out of the closet for some reason. I suspect marriage, but I'm liberal that way.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Wilson''': Looking forward to Friday night?
:'''Cuddy''': Yes and no. Yes, because it is a great honor, and no because… Well, you know the because.
:'''Wilson''': You think House is going to embarrass you.
:'''Cuddy''': Well, not intentionally. ''[glances at Wilson]'' Maybe intentionally.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Masters''': Do you even like me?
:'''Chase''': Why?
:'''Masters''': I put making friends and having relationships on hold so I could concentrate on studying. I always thought there'll be plenty of time for that in the future. But… now when I do want them… I can't even get a date to this charity event. If I can't establish relationships in my personal life, how will I ever do it with a patient?
:'''Chase''': Be honest with her. But if it comes down to a choice between the brutal truth and hope: side with hope.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': ''[knocks repeatedly on Cuddy's door until she opens it]'' We really, really need to talk.
:'''Cuddy''': You're drunk and you screwed up big time. Go home! ''[House walks in, Cuddy closes the door]'' You completely disappeared on me! You wouldn't even answer your cell phone.
:'''House''': You're going to want to sit down for this. ''[motions toward the sofa]'' Go ahead. Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit. I have made a decision. Being happy and being in love with you makes me a crappy doctor.
:'''Cuddy''': Shut up. You're too drunk to end this relationship.
:'''House''': I am drunk, and I'm also right. You have made me a worse doctor, and people are going to die because of that. ''[long pause]'' And you are totally worth it. If I had to choose between saving everyone or loving you and being happy, I choose you. I choose being happy with you. I will always choose you. ''[sits in the sofa, lays his head down in Cuddy's lap]''

=== ''[[w:Bombshells (House)|Bombshells]]'' [7.15] ===
:''[In a sitcom style similar to Two and a Half Men. Applause; knock on door]''
:'''Wilson''': I'll get it!
:'''House''': ''[off screen]'' That better be her.
:''[Wilson opens the door. A police officer and a little girl wearing flannel with a stripe of pink in her hair are standing in the hallway. The audience oohs.]''
:'''Wilson''': Rachel Cuddy, you were supposed to be home half an hour ago.
:'''Rachel''': Don't blame me; he’s the one who wouldn't run any red lights.
:''[The audience laughs. The police officer walks Rachel inside the apartment.]''
:'''Officer''': The mouth on that kid makes Mel Gibson sound like Nelson Mandela. Where’d she learn that?
:''[House enters blowing a bubble with gum. The audience cheers wildly.]''
:'''House''': I don't know why you're here, but I didn't do it.
:'''Wilson:''' What's the problem, officer?
:'''Officer''': She was shoplifting down at the mall. Are either of you this girl's father?
:'''House''': Nope! But since her mom died, she's my favorite tax write-off. ''[walks over to the door and sees the officer out]'' Officer, you have my word it won't happen again, 'cause next time she won't get caught.
:''[House slams the door shut behind the officer, then turns and high-fives Rachel. They hug. Wilson shrugs and joins in on the hug. Cuddy then wakes up from her dream, gasping and staring at the medication on her nightstand.]''

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cuddy''': You took Vicodin. When you came to my hospital room that night, you were stoned.
:'''House''': How did you know?
:'''Cuddy''': How did I not know? How did I make myself forget for months that you're an addict?
:'''House''': It was a one time thing.
:'''Cuddy''': This is not about the pills, House. It's about what they mean.
:'''House''': I was scared because I thought my girlfriend might die.
:'''Cuddy''': No. You don't take Vicodin because you're scared. You take it so you won't feel pain. Everything you've ever done is to avoid pain; drugs, sarcasm, keeping everybody at arm's length so no one can hurt you.
:'''House''': As opposed to everyone else in the world who goes looking for pain like it's buried treasure?
:'''Cuddy''': Pain happens when you care. You can't love someone without making yourself open to their problems, their fears, and you're not willing to do that.
:'''House''': I came -- I came to be with you.
:'''Cuddy''': You weren't with me. Not really.
:'''House''': I wanted to be.
:'''Cuddy''': That's not enough.
:'''House''': I can do better.
:'''Cuddy''': I don't think you can. You'll choose yourself over everybody else over and over again because that's just who you are. ''[strokes House's face]'' I'm sorry.
:'''House''': No, no, no.
:'''Cuddy''': I thought I could do this.
:'''House''': Don't, don't. Please don't.
:'''Cuddy''': Goodbye, House.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cuddy''': Did you actually wake up early and hide under the bed just to scare the crap outta me?
:'''House''': Set an alarm and everything.
:'''Cuddy''': It's like dating a ten-year-old.
:'''House''': God, I hope not.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Chase''': Do you want me to quote from First Corinthians? 'Cause I can do that.
:'''Cuddy''': As a Jew, I'm gonna have to decline that offer.
:'''Chase''': Don't know what you're missing. St. Paul was really on his game.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Foreman''': What is it with you and this kid?
:'''Taub''': He's doggy-paddling in a sea of misery.
:'''Foreman''': How far did you have to reach back for that memory? Last night? Sometimes I hear you in the living room watching TV at 3:00 a.m.
:'''Taub''': That's when classic Doctor Who comes on the BBC.
:'''Foreman''': Yeah, if only they had some device that allowed you to record them and watch them it another time.

=== ''[[w:Out of the Chute|Out of the Chute]]'' [7.16] ===
:'''Cuddy:''' I think maybe you're looking for something that can excite you. Fill a void. And it's affecting your judgement.
:'''House:''' You're right. I am. But my damaged, depressed, drug-addled judgment is still better than yours or any other doctor's in this hospital. And my team is going to do this procedure and save his life. So you can either have security arrest me and my team or you can get the hell out of my way. ''[He pauses and watches her face]'' And she caves.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Wilson''': We are gonna talk about this, and we're gonna deal with this.
:'''House''': So I have no choice. Fine. Unless... unless... yes, I do. I do have legs. I see you didn't factor those into your brilliant plan.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Wilson''': ''[about House]'' He needs you.
:'''Cuddy''': I love him. And I know he loves me. But I just can't.
:'''Wilson''': He needs you in his life. Even if you're not sleeping with him, he needs you. Without you...
:'''Cuddy''': You can't go backwards. I can't fix his problem. I am his problem.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': Who's in charge?
:'''Foreman''': House, as long as you're not here, someone has to have the final…
:'''House''': Let me rephrase. Who's your daddy?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Taub''': It's interesting.
:'''Masters''': No, it's not. It's mundane and simple. He's obviously a very blessed specimen, so from an evolutionary point of view, he'd produce healthy offspring, so my prefrontal cortex is telling me I should have sex with him.
:'''Taub''': Oh. Is that all?
:'''Masters''': Yes. My rational brain knows he's a hillbilly and an idiot.
:'''Taub''': And yet somehow your rational brain is losing the argument, which is interesting.

=== ''[[w:Fall From Grace (House)|Fall From Grace]]'' [7.17] ===
:''[House arrives in his office on a Segway with Dominika]''
:'''House''': Before I forget, I want you to meet Dominika. She's about to become a permanent member of Team House.
:'''Dominika''': ''[stands and hook her arm into House's arm possessively]'' Nice to be meetings you all. ''[puts a wedding invitation down on the table]''
:'''Chase''': Doing what exactly?
:'''House''': Me. We're getting married on Friday. ''[to Dominika]'' Mount up!
:''[Dominika gets on the Segway behind House and puts her arms around his waist]''
:'''Masters''': I don't think that two people are supposed…
:'''House''': Living on the edge, baby doll!
:''[House honks the horn and he and Dominika roll out of the conference room on the Segway]''

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Wilson''': Congratulations on your engagement.
:'''House''': I hear a strange voice.
:'''Dominika''': A very soft-looking man. Must be the Wilson.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Taub''': ''[House's helicopter hits him in the head]'' Ow! What the hell?
:'''House''': Negative reinforcement.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[House checks the patient, Danny's pulse]''
:'''Danny''': Who are you?
:'''House''': Shhh!
:'''Danny''': What are you doing?
:'''House''': Test.
:'''Danny''': Who are you?
:'''House''': The important question is, who are you? Danny Jennings is dead, which means that Danny Jennings has no pulse. You, on the other hand… do. Ergo, you are not Danny Jennings. ''[leans his cane against the bed]'' Or I did the test wrong. So why don't you cut the crap and tell me your real name.
:'''Danny''': No.
:'''House''': Hiding your identity… Well, either you're a criminal or a superhero.
:'''Danny''': I'm not a criminal.
:'''House''': Awesome. What color is my underwear?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Wilson''': ''[about House]'' He's gone too far. He's taking up six handicapped spaces with a monster truck.
:'''Cuddy''': It's only four, and he's gonna get rid of it after the wedding.
:'''Wilson''': And the chapel… He's turned the chapel into his own personal catering hall.
:'''Cuddy''': Who cares? Other than a janitor sleeping off a bender, he's the first person to use it in two weeks.
:'''Wilson''': Appeasement is never the answer in the face of naked aggression. It won't be long before his tanks are rolling down your Champs-Elysees.
:'''Cuddy''': I know what House is doing. You, on the other hand… why do you care? He isn't hurting anyone.
:'''Wilson''': ''[walks to the chair in front of Cuddy's desk and sits down with his arms crossed over his chest]'' You're the first boss he's ever had who could handle him. Before you, he was either fired or buried under a mountain of malpractice suits. He needs someone to say no. He needs someone he'll listen to, when they say no. If you really care about House, you'll stop feeling sorry for him and get out there and start kicking him where he needs kicking.

=== ''[[w:The Dig (House)|The Dig]]'' [7.18] ===
:'''Thirteen''': The interrogation thing is getting annoying.
:'''House''': Studies have shown that un-annoying interrogation is 50% less effective.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': Junior year high school, you placed fourth in the West Virginia all-county science fair. Your project? Clean combustion.
:'''Thirteen''': Yeah. I also wore a training bra. Things have changed.
:'''House''': ''[under his breath]'' Not that much.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Taub''': You're mad.
:'''Foreman''': No. Actually, I'm impressed. Messing around on a 22-year-old hottie with your wife on my sofa. You're a full-throttle head case.
:'''Taub''': I was doing you a solid with the sofa. Rachel wanted to do it in your bed. You've got the memory foam top.
:'''Foreman''': Let's make this really simple: If I own it, I don't want you doing it on it.
:'''Taub''': You might want to get rid of your kitchen table. Look, I'm sorry.. ''[slightly laughing]'' but it was worth it.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Foreman''': Sounded a lot like… Thirteen.
:'''House''': It's a Thirteen tribute band with their new song, "I've got a better theory than Masters."

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': ''[to Thirteen]'' I'll kill you. When the time comes, if you want me to. I'll do it now if you like. ''[looking behind him.]'' I think I've got a baseball bat in the back.

=== ''[[w:Last Temptation (House)|Last Temptation]]'' [7.19] ===
:'''Masters''': She could die.
:'''House''': Pretty sure the law of the land states that everyone has the right to be an idiot. I think it's the Second Amendment.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Masters''': Isn't that House's chicken?
:'''Wilson''': Disgusting beasts. I don't know why I ever agreed to this bet.
:'''Masters''': So call it off.
:'''Wilson''': And lose $20?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Masters''': Why are you lying about rehab?
:'''Thirteen''': Because the real reason I was gone is not something I want to share.
:'''Masters''': Couldn't you just say that? Should be enough for Foreman and the others.
:'''Thirteen''': How long have you worked here? House's people have personalities that range from nosy to, "pardon me while I do this cavity search."

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Foreman''': I'm glad you're gonna be sticking around after today.
:'''Masters''': Really? You want me to stay?
:'''Foreman''': It's good to add a different perspective to the department. Someone who still remembers there are rules other than House's.
:'''Masters''': If I don't play by House's rules, he won't let me in.
:'''Foreman''': Find a way around them.
:'''Masters''': I'd have to lie to him, which is still lying.
:'''Thirteen''': Lying about a lie, that's practically telling the truth.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Masters''': I broke the rules because I believed I was right.
:'''House''': You were right.
:'''Masters''': Then why don't I feel good or satisfied? Instead, I just feel like throwing up.
:'''House''': And you're following me to ask how I break the rules and maintain my rosy demeanor.
:'''Masters''': I didn't do it to be happy. I just thought I would be.
:'''House''': You can't always get what you want.

=== ''[[w:Changes (House)|Changes]]'' [7.20] ===
:'''Taub''': Sure, some people will screw up anything, but some won't. That kind of cash, he has a chance to turn a miserable life around.
:'''House''': Miserable stays miserable. Happy doesn't buy lottery tickets in the first place.
:'''Thirteen''': Our level of happiness is set. It's in our DNA. No cash payout's gonna change that.
:'''House''': It's like there's two of me.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cuddy''': My mother's lawyer called. She's threatening to sue the hospital over our mistreatment of her. Says it slowed her recovery.
:'''House''': You know, I was just thinking how much I want a relationship with no sex, but where I still have to deal with your mother.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cuddy''': No clinic hours for the next quarter.
:'''House''': Yeah, three parking spots, next to each other, so I can park diagonally. And three pairs of your underwear. I'm thinking of taking up sailing.
:'''Cuddy''': Treat your patient, don't treat your patient. Come to the meeting, don't come to the meeting. I'm done playing your game.
:'''House''': You realize the game is automatically over when the loser loses, right?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': Down on the patient's romance because your own lifespan is shorter than dinner and a movie?
:'''Thirteen''': You're the one who said miserable stays miserable.
:'''House''': You keep saying it. Several times a day.
:'''Thirteen''': I love being back, having every theory you and I share used as proof of my own personal damage.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': It'll end horribly.
:'''Thirteen''': Not for him. She may take all his money, and he may be a naive idiot but he'll always be hopeful, so he'll always be happy.
:'''House''': You lost your mother. You euthanized your brother. You got the life expectancy of a pretty good sitcom. If you can convince yourself that you'd be miserable no matter what, even without all that stuff, the maybe you don't have to hate the universe, for dumping a giant turd on you. Fatalism is your survival mechanism.
:'''Thirteen''': And you? Dumped by everyone you've ever loved. Rehab was a bust. Your leg feels like someone took a giant bite out of it. We are who we are. Lotteries are stupid.

=== ''[[w:The Fix (House)|The Fix]]'' [7.21] ===
:'''Thirteen''': Karma's a bitch.
:'''Foreman''': You think her seizures are the result of bad karma?
:'''Thirteen''': I think if you spend your days designing ever more effective ways to blow people up, stuff's bound to come back to you.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Wilson''': If he's ignoring you, it's because he trusts you.
:'''Foreman''': No, it's not.
:'''Wilson''': No, it's not, but he does.
:'''Foreman''': Thanks. I feel all warm inside.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Terry''': What the hell?
:'''House''': Don't worry. It's just epinephrine.
:'''Terry''': Ep... is it dangerous?
:'''House''': In the wrong hands, very. So... yeah, sort of.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Foreman''': My theory is that he's only avoiding us because he really wants to avoid you.
:'''Cuddy''': ''[[w:Ma Nishtana|Ma nishtana]]''.
:''[Foreman looks blank]''
:'''Cuddy''': You made it through med school without ever attending a ''[[w:Passover Seder|seder]]''? It means, "Why is this night different from all other nights?"

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': Leg hurts. Would you mind getting me a coffee?
:'''Dr. Riggin''': How does coffee help your leg?
:'''House''': It will prevent me from walking to get the coffee.
:'''Riggin''': Right.

=== ''[[w:After Hours (House)|After Hours]]'' [7.22] ===
:'''Wilson''': You're an ass.
:'''House''': What, for trying to walk on a freshly mangled leg? Performing surgery on myself? For thinking I could solve my emotional problems with rat medicine? If you're gonna nag, at least have the decency to be specific.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': There are no cars coming. Just go.
:'''Rachel''': The light is red, ye bloody scallywag.
:'''Cuddy''': Stop with the pirate talk.
:'''House''': If you don't want Brownbeard to end up with two wooden legs, better get your ma to move this ship, you mangy bilge rat.
:'''Cuddy''': Of course... you showed her that filthy cartoon. What kind of idiot lets a three-year-old watch that?
:'''House''': If you want to lecture me on my poor judgment, there seems to be more relevant examples.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Chase''': You killed your own brother?
:'''Thirteen''': Yes. It was awful and devastating, but it wasn't murder. He was sick and he wanted to die, and I promised I would help. Now please stop pacing and help me find this thing.
:'''Chase''': Have you talked to anybody about it? I mean, are you okay?
:'''Thirteen''': No, I may have an aortic arch aneurysm. Oh, wait, that's her. Either help me or leave.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Rachel is watching an adult pirate cartoon]''
:'''Cuddy''': What are you watching?
:'''Rachel''': TV, you bloody scallywag. ''[Cuddy turns off the TV]'' ''[whining]'' Mo-om!

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[House wakes up from surgery]''
:'''House''': What are you doing here?
:'''Wilson''': You hoping for someone else?
:'''House''': Hot nurse, candy striper… Someone who doesn't speak English. Someone who doesn't speak judgmental.

=== ''[[W:Moving On (House)|Moving On]]'' [7.23] ===
:'''Wilson''': You're forging my name on prescriptions again.
:'''House''': No. What you just said implies that I stopped at some point.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''House''': You think I have unresolved issues and you are the unresolved issues.
:'''Cuddy''': Yes. but it's... I think more than that. It's your life, your choices.
:'''House''': I did it to fix my life. No, wait, no, I did it because I'm a deeply unhappy person. No, no, I did it to get sympathy from you. I did it to piss you off. I did it because I'm not over you, or I was over you, and I was moving on. I did it because I want to know what it's like not to be in pain. I did it because I want to feel more pain. Whatever the reason, it was a bad reason and a bad idea. That's all that matters. Good lunch.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cuddy''': You stood me up.
:'''House''': Sorry. Should have scheduled my patient's internal bleeding for Thursday.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Chase''': You want us to waste a bed on her?
:'''House''': You took an oath… an oath to be cool. At least that was the one I mumbled under my breath while everyone else was doing the boring one.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cuddy''': House… talk to me!
:'''House''': I already did.
:'''Cuddy''': ''[gets in front of House, trying to stop him]'' No, you just parroted back what Wilson and I've been saying to you the last few days.
:'''House''': Get out of my way.
:'''Cuddy''': No. ''[She looks down and touches his leg.]'' Oh, you pulled a stitch. House, please just talk to me.
:''[Cuddy takes House's arms, trying to turn him to face her and House pushes Cuddy against a wall and they are staring face to face]''
:'''House''': ''[loudly]'' You want to know how I feel? ''[two deep breaths then, quietly]'' I feel hurt.
:''[Cuddy takes House's hands from her upper arms and holds them.]''
:'''Cuddy''': I know. I'm sorry. ''[Cuddy's final line]''
:'''House''': It's not your fault. ''[pulls his hands free and walks off.]''

== Cast ==
* [[w:Gregory House|Dr. Gregory House]] - [[w:Hugh Laurie|Hugh Laurie]]
* [[w:James Wilson (House)|Dr. James Wilson]] - [[w:Robert Sean Leonard|Robert Sean Leonard]]
* [[w:Lisa Cuddy|Dr. Lisa Cuddy]] - [[w:Lisa Edelstein|Lisa Edelstein]]

* [[w:Eric Foreman|Dr. Eric Foreman]] - [[w:Omar Epps|Omar Epps]]
* [[w:Robert Chase|Dr. Robert Chase]] - [[w:Jesse Spencer|Jesse Spencer]]

* [[w:Chris Taub|Dr. Chris Taub]] - [[w:Peter Jacobson|Peter Jacobson]]
* [[w:Thirteen (House)|Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley]] - [[w:Olivia Wilde|Olivia Wilde]]

* [[w:Martha Masters (House)|Dr. Martha Masters]] - [[w:Amber Tamblyn|Amber Tamblyn]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.house-boards.com/ House M.D. Boards]
* {{imdb title|0412142|House}}
* {{tv.com show|22374|House}}
* [http://www.epguides.com/House/ House, M.D. at epguides.com]
* [http://www.watchinghouse.com/ Watching House updated daily]
* [http://www.drhouseforum.de/ German Dr. House Board]
* [http://www.drhouse.de/ German Dr. House Page]
* [http://tvtdb.com/house Episode transcripts] at TVTDB.com

[[Category:American television seasons]]
[[Category:House (TV series)]]

House (Season 1)

2017-06-14T05:27:32Z

StjJackson:

----
:'''Seasons:''' [[House_(Season_1)|1]] [[House_(Season_2)|2]] [[House_(Season_3)|3]] [[House_(Season_4)|4]] [[House_(Season_5)|5]] [[House_(Season_6)|6]] [[House_(Season_7)|7]] [[House_(Season_8)|8]] | [[House (TV series)|Main]]
----

'''''[[w:House (TV series)|House]]''''' (2004–2012), created by David Shore, is about an irreverent, controversial, but successful doctor who trusts no one, least of all his patients.

=== ''[[w:Pilot (House)|Pilot]]'' [1.01] ===
[[File:House graffiti.jpg|thumb| Everybody Lies.]]
:'''[[w:Lisa Cuddy|Dr. Cuddy]]''': Your reputation won't last if you don't do your job; the clinic is part of your job. I want you to do your job.
:'''Dr. House''': Ah, yes, but as the philosopher [[W: Mick Jagger|Jagger]] once said, '[[W: You Can't Always Get What You Want|You can't always get what you want]].'

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Dr. House''': I'm angry! You're risking a patient's life.
:'''Dr. Cuddy''': I assume those are two separate points.

<hr width=50%/>
:'''[[w:Gregory House|Dr. House]]''': You see that? They all assume I'm a patient because of this cane.
:'''[[w:James Wilson (House)|Dr. Wilson]]''': Then why don't you put on a white coat like the rest of us?
:'''Dr. House''': I don't want them to think I'm a doctor.

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Dr. House''': Everybody lies.
:'''Dr. Cameron''': Dr. House doesn't like dealing with patients.
:'''Dr. Foreman''': Isn't treating patients why we became doctors?
:'''Dr. House''': No, treating illnesses is why we became doctors. Treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable.

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Rebecca Adler''': I just want to die with a little dignity.
:'''Dr. House''': There's no such thing! Our bodies break down, sometimes when we're 90, sometimes before we're even born, but it always happens and there's never any dignity in it. I don't care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass. It's always ugly - always! We can live with dignity - we can't die with it.

=== ''[[w:Paternity (House)|Paternity]]'' [1.02] ===
:'''[[w:Robert Chase|Dr. Chase]]''': It doesn't necessarily have to be that bad. If we exclude the night terrors it could be something systemic: his liver, kidneys, something outside the brain.
:'''Dr. House''': Yes, feel free to exclude any symptom if it makes your job easier.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': Thirty percent of all dads out there don't realize they're raising someone else's kid.
:'''[[w:Eric Foreman|Dr. Foreman]]''': From what I've read false paternity is more like ten percent.
:'''Dr. House''': That's what our moms would like us to believe.
:'''Dr. Cameron''': Who cares? If he got it from his parents they'd both be dead by now, can we get on with the differential diagnosis?
:'''Dr. House''': Fifty bucks says I'm right.
:'''Dr. Foreman''': I'll take your money.
:'''Dr. House''': Hit a nerve? Don't worry, Foreman, I'm sure the guy who tucked you in at night was your daddy.
:'''Dr. Foreman''': Make it a hundred.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Lisa Cuddy|Dr. Cuddy]]''': ''[leaving the hospital wearing a tennis outfit with a very short skirt]'' What are you doing back here? A patient?
:'''Dr. House''': No, a hooker. Went to my office instead of my home.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': ''[talking to Wilson about a patient and quickly changing the subject as he sees Dr. Cuddy coming]'' —the cutest little tennis outfit! My God, I thought I was going to have a heart attack! Oh my! I didn't see you there - That is so embarrassing...
:'''Dr. Cuddy''': How's your hooker doing?
:'''Dr. House''': Oh, sweet of you to ask, funny story, she was going to be a hospital administrator, but hated having to screw people like that.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Patient's Mother''': How can you just sit there?
:'''Dr. House''': If I eat standing up, I spill.

=== ''[[w:Occam's Razor (House episode)|Occam's Razor]]'' [1.03] ===
:'''[[w:Gregory House|Dr. House]]''': ''[to the crowd in the walk-in clinic's waiting area]'' Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chitchat later, I'm Doctor Gregory House; you can call me "Greg." I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning.
:'''[[w:Dr. Lisa Cuddy|Dr. Cuddy]]''': Short, sweet, grab a file.
:'''Dr. House''': This ray of sunshine is Doctor Lisa Cuddy. Doctor Cuddy runs this whole hospital, so unfortunately she's much too busy to deal with you. I am a ''board'' ''[emphasized to sound like "bored"]'' ...certified diagnostician with a double specialty in infectious disease and nephrology. I am also the only doctor currently employed at this clinic who is forced to be here against his will.
:''[House turns to face Dr. Cuddy.]''
:'''Dr. House''': That is true, isn't it?
:''[He turns back to the crowd.]''
:'''Dr. House''': But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying, you may see me reach for this. ''[House reaches into his jacket and pulls out a pharmaceutical bottle.]'' This is Vicodin. It's mine. You can't have any. And no, I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem. But who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. So, who wants me? ''[nobody moves]'' And who would rather wait for one of the other two guys?
:''[Everybody raises their hands]''
:'''Dr. House''': Okay. Well, I'll be in Exam Room One if you change your mind.

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:'''Dr. House''': What would you prefer - a doctor who holds your hand while you die or one who ignores you while you get better? I suppose it would particularly suck to have a doctor who ignores you while you die.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. Cameron''': I'm uncomfortable about sex.
:'''[[w:Robert Chase|Dr. Chase]]''': Well, we don't have to talk about this...
:'''Dr. Cameron''': Sex ''could'' kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent, it's ugly and it's messy, and if God hadn't made it ''unbelievably'' fun, the human race would have died out eons ago. ''[pause to breathe deep and stare at each other]'' Men are lucky they can only have one orgasm. Do you know that women can have an hour long orgasm?
:''[Foreman enters]''
:'''Dr. Cameron''': ''[grabs an apple and heads back to her seat]'' Hey, Foreman.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Eric Foreman|Dr. Foreman]]''': [[w:Occam's razor|Occam's razor]]. The simplest explanation is always the best.
:'''Dr. House''': And you think one is simpler than two?
:'''Dr. Cameron''': I'm pretty sure it is, yeah.
:'''Dr. House''': Baby shows up. Chase tells you that two people exchange fluids to create this being. I tell you that one stork dropped the little tyke off in a diaper. Are you going to go with the two or the one?
:'''Dr. Foreman''': I think your argument is specious.
:'''Dr. House''': I think your tie is ugly.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': Reality is almost always wrong.

=== ''[[w:Maternity (House episode)|Maternity]]'' [1.04] ===
:'''[[w:Gregory House|Dr. House]]''': This is our fault. Doctors over-prescribing antibiotics. Got a cold? Take some penicillin. Sniffles? No problem. Have some azithromycin. Is that not working anymore? Well, got your Levaquin. Antibacterial soaps in every bathroom. We'll be adding vancomycin to the water supply soon. We bred these superbugs. They're our babies. And they're all grown up and they've got body piercings and a lot of anger.

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Jill''': My joints have been feeling all loose, and lately I've been feeling sick a lot. Maybe I'm over training; I'm doin' the marathon, like, ten miles a day, but I can't seem to lose any weight.
:'''Dr. House''': Lift up your arms.
:'''Dr. House''': You have a parasite.
:'''Jill''': Like a tapeworm or something?
:'''Dr. House''': Lie back and lift up your sweater.
:'''Dr. House''': You can put your arms down.
:'''Jill''': Can you do anything about it?
:'''Dr. House''': Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
:'''Jill''': Illegal?
:'''Dr. House''': Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
:'''Jill''': Playdates?
:'''Dr. House''': It has your eyes.

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Jill''': No you see I'm on this birth control-
:'''Dr. House''': I know, I saw the scar.
:'''Jill''': And my doctor said I might not get any periods if it's working.
:'''Dr. House''': You also don't get any periods if it isn't working.

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Dr. House''': See, this is why I don't waste money on shrinks, cause you give me all these really great insights for free.
:'''[[w:Dr. Lisa Cuddy|Dr. Cuddy]]''': Shrink. If you would consider going to a shrink, I would pay for it myself. The hospital would hold a bake sale, for God's sake.

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Dr. Wilson''': I'm still amazed you're actually in the same room with a patient.
:'''Dr. House''': People don't bug me until they get teeth.

=== ''[[w:Damned If You Do|Damned If You Do]]'' [1.05] ===
:'''Dr. House''': What the hell are those?
:'''Dr. Cameron''': Candy canes.
:'''Dr. House''': Candy ''canes''? Are you mocking me?
:'''Dr. Cameron''': No, i-it's Christmas and I, I thought...
:'''Dr. House''': Relax, it's a joke.

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Dr. House''': In ten seconds, I'm going to announce that I gave her [the patient] the wrong dosage.
:'''Dr. Cuddy''': ''[Taken aback]'' You're going to admit negligence?
:'''Dr. House''': Unless you leave the room, you'll have to testify as a witness. ''[Cuddy crosses her arms]'' Five, four, three, two... So there I was in the clinic, drunk, I opened the drawer, closed my eyes, grabbed the first syringe I could find and.... ''[Cuddy leaves quickly]''

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Nun''': Sister Augustine believes in things that aren't real.
:'''Dr. House''': I thought that was a job requirement for you people.

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:'''Dr. House''': How is the nun?
:'''Dr. Chase''': Which one?
:'''Dr. House''': The cute one, I think she likes me. The sick one, obviously.

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Sister Augustine''': Why is it so difficult for you to believe in God?
:'''House''': What I have difficulty with is the whole concept of belief. Faith isn't based on logic and experience.
:'''Sister Augustine''': I experience God on a daily basis...and the miracle of life all around--the miracle of birth, the miracle of love. He is always with me.
:'''House''': Where is the miracle in delivering a crack-addicted baby? Hmm? Then watching her mother abandon her 'cause she needs another score. Miracle of love. You're over twice as likely to be killed by the person you love than by a stranger.
:'''Sister Augustine''': Are you trying to talk me out of my faith?
:'''House''': You can have all the faith you want in spirits, and the afterlife, and heaven and hell, but when it comes to this world, don't be an idiot. Cause you can tell me you put your faith in God to get you through the day, but when it comes time to cross the street, I know you look both ways.

=== ''[[w:The Socratic Method (House episode)|The Socratic Method]]'' [1.06] ===
:'''Lucas Palmero''': This is a good hospital?
:'''[[w:Gregory House|Dr. House]]''': Depends what you mean by "good". ''[looks around]'' I like these chairs.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Eric Foreman|Dr. Foreman]]''': ''[Referring to Dr. House]'' He's really talking to a patient.
:'''[[w:Robert Chase|Dr. Chase]]''': I don't know who I am any more.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. Chase''': ''[Referring to Dr. House]'' He likes crazy people. He likes the way they think.
:'''Dr. Foreman''': They think... badly. That's the definition of... crazy.
:'''Dr. Chase''': They're not boring. He likes that.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Dr. Lisa Cuddy|Dr. Cuddy]]''': Good morning, Dr. House.
:'''Dr. House''': Good morning, Dr. Cuddy! Love that outfit. Says, I’m professional, but I’m still a woman. Actually, it sorta yells the second part.
:'''Dr. Cuddy''': Yeah, and your big cane is real subtle too.
:'''Dr. House''': ''[Leaving quickly]'' Gotta go.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': Ah, my birthday. Normally I'd put on a festive hat and celebrate the fact that the Earth has circled the Sun one more time; I really didn't think it was going to make it this year, but darn it if it wasn't the little planet that could all over again.

=== ''[[w:Fidelity (House episode)|Fidelity]]'' [1.07] ===
:'''[[w:Gregory House|Dr. House]]''': I don't ask why patients lie. I just assume they all do.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': Ah! The husband described her as being unusually irritable recently.
:'''[[w:Allison Cameron (House)|Dr. Cameron]]''': And?
:'''Dr. House''': I didn't know it was possible for a woman to be ''unusually'' irritable.
:'''Dr. Cameron''': Nice try, but you're a misanthrope, not a misogynist.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. Foreman''': Why are you riding me?
:'''Dr. House''': It's what I do...has it gotten worse lately?
:'''Dr. Foreman''': Yeah. Seems to me.
:'''Dr. House''': Really. Well, that rules out the race thing. 'Cause you were just as black last week.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want.
:'''Dr. Wilson''': And as long as you're ''not'' trying, you can ''say'' whatever you want.
:'''Dr. House''': So between us, we can do anything. We can rule the world!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': Last three months, same five ties. Thursday should be that paisley thing.
:'''Dr. Wilson''': It's a gift from my wife!
:'''Dr. House''': No it's not, Julie hates green. You bought that yourself. You want to look pretty, at work.[Pause, then in a sing-song tone] ''Wilson's got a girlfriend!''

=== ''[[w:Poison (House episode)|Poison]]'' [1.08] ===
:'''[[w:Eric Foreman|Dr. Foreman]]''': The kid was just taking his AP calculus exam when all of a sudden he got nauseous and disoriented.
:'''[[w:Gregory House|Dr. House]]''': That's the way calculus presents.

<hr width="50%" />
:'''Dr. House''': I assume "minimal at best" is your stiff upper lip British way of saying "no chance in hell."
:'''[[w:Robert Chase|Dr. Chase]]''': I'm Australian.
:'''Dr. House''': You put the Queen on your money; you're British.

<hr width="50%" />
:'''[[w:James Wilson (House)|Dr. Wilson]]''': ''[Reading a poem Georgia left for Dr. House]'' "The healer with his magic powers/I could rub his gentle brow for hours/His manly chest, his stubbled jaw/Everything about him leaves me raw—"
:'''Dr. House''': Psych ward's upstairs.
:'''Dr. Wilson''': "—with joy. Oh, House your very name / Will never leave this girl the same." It's not bad for an 82-year-old. She asked me to give that to her true love.
:'''Dr. House''': What can I say? Chicks with no teeth turn me on.
:'''Dr. Wilson''': That's fairly disgusting.
:'''Dr. House''': That's ageism.
:'''Dr. Wilson''': You better watch yourself around this babe.

<hr width="50%" />
:'''Dr. House''': ''[to Georgia]'' I'm sorry, but the fact that the sexual pleasure center of your cerebral cortex has been over-stimulated by spirochetes is a poor basis for a relationship. Learned that one the hard way.

<hr width="50%" />
:'''Dr. House''': Mr. Adams, would you step outside for a moment?
:'''Adams''': Why?
:'''Dr. House''': Because you irritate me.

=== ''[[w:DNR (House episode)|DNR]]'' [1.09] ===
:'''[[w:Gregory House|Dr. House]]''': DNR means Do Not Resuscitate. It does not mean Do Not Treat!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Gregory House|Dr. House]]''': Like I always say, there's no "I" in "team." There is a "me," though, if you jumble it up.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Gregory House|Dr. House]]''': [to Dr. Foreman] You took a chance, you did something great. You were wrong, but it was still great. You should feel great that it was great. You should feel like crap that it was wrong. That's the difference between him and me; he thinks you do your job, and what will be will be. I think that what I do, and what you do matters. He sleeps better at night, he shouldn't.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John''': You don't risk jail and your career just to save somebody who doesn't want to be saved unless you got something, anything, one thing. The reason normal people got wives and kids and hobbies, whatever, that's because they don't got that one thing that hits them that hard and that true. I got music; you got this. The thing you think about all the time, the thing that keeps you south of normal. Yeah, makes us great, makes us the best. All we miss out on is everything else. No woman waiting at home after work with the drink and the kiss. That ain't gonna happen for us.
:'''Dr. House''': That's why God made microwaves.
:'''John''': Yeah. But when it's over... It's over.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': I'm in pain.
:'''John''': Aren't we all?

=== ''[[w:Histories (House episode)|Histories]]'' [1.10] ===
:'''Student''': You're reading a comic book.
:'''Dr. House''': And you're calling attention to your bosom by wearing a low-cut top.
:''[the student covers her chest with her clipboard]''
:'''Dr. House''': Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were having a state-the-obvious contest. I'm competitive by nature.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:James Wilson (House)|Dr. Wilson]]''': You really don't need to know everything about everybody.
:'''Dr. House''': I don't ''need'' to watch [[w:The O.C.|The O.C.]], but it makes me happy.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[House is snooping through Wilson's file to try finding out why Wilson is insisting on a homeless woman being treated]''
:'''Dr. Wilson''': You know, in some cultures, it's considered almost rude for one friend to spy on another. Of course, in Swedish, the word "friend" can also be translated as "limping twerp."
:''[House's pager starts beeping]''
:'''Dr. Wilson''': Did your pager really just go off, or are you ditching the conversation?
:'''Dr. House''': Why can't both be true?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Robert Chase|Dr. Chase]]''': You're joking.
:'''Dr. House''': Well, hard not to - nothing funnier than cancer.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': Hey! He knows more homeless people than any of us! ''[to Foreman]'' Go check out the hood, dawg.

=== ''[[w:Detox (House episode)|Detox]]'' [1.11] ===
:'''[[w:Dr. Lisa Cuddy|Dr. Cuddy]]''': You know, there are other ways to manage pain.
:'''[[w:Gregory House|Dr. House]]''': Like what, laughter? Meditation? Got a guy who can fix my third chakra?

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[House has just admitted he is addicted to Vicodin.]''
:'''Dr. House''': I said I was an addict, I didn't say I had a problem. I pay my bills, I make my meals. I function.
:'''[[w:James Wilson (House)|Dr. Wilson]]''': That all you want? You have no relationships.
:'''Dr. House''': I don't ''want'' any relationships.
:'''Dr. Wilson''': You alienate people.
:'''Dr. House''': I've been alienating people since I was three.
:'''Dr. Wilson''': Oh, come on! Drop it! You don't think you've changed over the last few years?
:'''Dr. House''': Of course I have. I've...I've gotten older. My hair's got thinner. Sometimes I'm bored. Sometimes I'm lonely. Sometimes I wonder what it all means.
:'''Dr. Wilson''': No. I was there. You are not just some regular guy who's getting older. You've changed! You're ''miserable''! And you're afraid to face yourself-
:'''Dr. House''': ''[slams his cane on the shelf]'' OF COURSE I'VE CHANGED!
:'''Dr. Wilson''': ''[pause]'' And ''everything's'' the leg? ''Nothing's'' the pills? They haven't done a thing to you?
:'''Dr. House''': They let me do my job. And they take away my pain.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': His liver is shutting down.
:'''Father''': What? What does that mean?
:'''Dr. House''': Means he's all better, he can go home.
:'''Father''': What?
:'''Dr. House''': What do you think it means? He can't live without a liver, he's dying.
:'''Father''': What is your problem?
:'''Dr. House''': Bum leg, what's yours?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. Cuddy''': You're addicted.
:'''Dr. House''': If the pills ran my life, I'd agree with you, but it's my leg busy calendaring what I can't do.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': I take risks; sometimes patients die. But not taking risks causes more patients to die, so I guess my biggest problem is I've been cursed with the ability to do the math.

=== ''[[w:Sports Medicine (House episode)|Sports Medicine]]'' [1.12] ===
:'''Patient #3''': I can't get my contact lenses out-
:'''Dr. House''': Out of what? They're not in your eyes.
:'''Patient #3''': But they're red.
:'''Dr. House''': That's because you're trying to remove your corneas. ''[moves to next patient]'' What's wrong with you?
:'''Patient #4''': Uh, lately, my wife has noticed that...
:'''Dr. House''': Yeah, yeah. Symptoms, ''[gestures at Cuddy]'' we're working on a personal best here.
:'''Patient #4''': Numbness in my feet and hands, constipation...
:'''Dr. House''': And?
:'''[[w:Dr. Lisa Cuddy|Dr. Cuddy]]''': Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable talking about his private matters...
:'''Dr. House''': Well, neither would I, if I was having trouble controlling my pee pee!
:''[to patient]''
:'''Dr. House''': You're a dentist. Nitrous oxide poisoning, which means you're either dipping into your own supply, or you've got a bad valve in the office. Laughing gas rehab's probably more expensive than the plumber. Meanwhile, get yourself some B12.
:''[moves to college student]''
:'''Dr. House''': Who's left?
:'''College Student''': I can't see. ''[House and Cuddy look appalled]'' Nah, I'm just screwing with you. ''[House looks at Cuddy, who smiles]'' It's a hangover, my English Lit professor told me he'd fail me next time if I didn't show up with a doctor's note.
:'''Dr. House''': Well, make friends with the dentist. He can give you a note, and maybe a little nitrous to take the edge off.
:''[he looks at the clock and walks out]''

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. Cameron''': Would you give up a baby for someone you love?
:'''Dr. House''': Please tell me I don't have to decide. Depends, how long would they live?
:'''Dr. Cameron''': Is this a pragmatic question for you?
:'''Dr. House''': Fifty years, no problem. Six months, I say let 'em die. Well, I've actually given this a lot of thought, and my personal tipping point is seven years, eight months, and 14 days.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lola''': He drops clean urine, denies using steroids, and you're giving him a drug for what, steroid abuse?
:'''Dr. House''': No, no, it's not. No, it's got calcium in it. It's very good for the bones. Basically, at a molecular level, it's just milk.
:''[Lola leaves]''
:'''Dr. House''': ''[to Foreman]'' How long do you figure before I get a call from Cuddy?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. Cuddy''': You put him on Lupron.
:'''Dr. House''': Uh-huh.
:'''Dr. Cuddy''': And, you told them it was like milk.
:'''Dr. House''': Yes.
:'''Dr. Cuddy''': Is there any way in which that is not a lie?
:'''Dr. House''': It's creamy. But, I had three reasons.
:'''Dr. Cuddy''': Good ones?
:'''Dr. House''': Well, we'll see in a minute; I'm just making them up now.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': We have managed to find the ''only'' sportsman in the galaxy who is ''not'' on steroids!

=== ''[[w:Cursed (House episode)|Cursed]]'' [1.13] ===
:'''[[w:Robert Chase|Dr. Chase]]''': How would you feel if I interfered in your personal life?
:'''Dr. House''': I'd hate it. That's why I cleverly have no personal life.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. Chase''': ''[about his father]'' I don't hate him. I loved him until I figured out it hurts a lot less to just not care. You don't expect him to turn up to your football match? No disappointments. You don't expect a call on your birthday, don't expect to see him for months? No disappointments. You want us to go make up? Sink a few beers together, nice family hug? I've given him enough hugs. He's given me enough disappointments.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:James Wilson (House)|Dr. Wilson]]''': You want to get to the bottom of this, you're doing it exactly right: don't talk to the people involved. Drag your buddy away from work for some pointless speculation.
:'''Dr. House''': You want to know how two chemicals interact. Do you ask them? No, they're going to lie through their lying little chemical teeth. Throw them in a beaker and apply heat.
:'''Dr. Wilson''': God! Even ''I'' don't like you.
:'''Dr. House''': You know, words can hurt.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Allison Cameron (House)|Dr. Cameron]]''': Parents are never as bad as kids think they are.

<hr width=50%>
:'''Dr. House''': You can't tell Chase but I can. What shall I do?
:'''Dr. Wilson''': Oh...This is where I give you advice and pretend you're going to listen to it. I like this part.

=== ''[[w:Control (House episode)|Control]]'' [1.14] ===
:''[The hospital's just been bought by billionaire drug mogul Edward Vogler]''
:'''[[w:Gregory House|Dr. House]]''': No, I have seen every scary movie ever made. Six-year old twins in front of an elevator with blood. Boys' choirs. Those are bad omens. This is much more mundane. A billionaire wants to get laid.
:'''[[w:James Wilson (House)|Dr. Wilson]]''': Billionaires buy movie studios to get laid. They buy hospitals to get respect.
:'''Dr. House''': And the reason you want respect...?
:'''Dr. Wilson''': To... get laid.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': In about an hour there's going to be an emergency meeting with the transplant committee to discuss where you fall on the list should a new heart become available. Problem is, I am required to tell the committee about your bulimia, it's a major psychological condition, ranks up there with suicidal. Means you're a very bad risk.
:'''Carly''': So you're here to tell me I have just a few hours to live?
:'''Dr. House''': Unless I lie to the committee. But if they find out, I lose my medical license.
:''[silence]''
:'''Dr. House''': This would be a very good time to offer me a bribe. How much is your life worth? How much is my job worth?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': You value our friendship more than your ethical responsibilities?
:'''Dr. Wilson''': Our friendship is an ethical responsibility.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Carly''': Why did you fight for me? You risked so much and you hardly know me.
:'''Dr. House''': You're my patient. Don't screw it up.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Vogler has reason to believe House lied during the transplant committee meeting]''
:'''Vogler''': This is not a game, Dr. House.
:'''Dr. House''': No, it's actually more like we're dancing right now. So let's get to the point. You don't like me. I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna like you. It's nothing personal, I don't like anybody.

=== ''[[w:Mob Rules (House episode)|Mob Rules]]'' [1.15] ===
:'''Bill''': His name's Joey, he's my only brother.
:'''[[w:Gregory House|Dr. House]]''': He's important to you. Got it. No placebos for him, we'll use the real medicine.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Robert Chase|Dr. Chase]]''': You can trust me.
:'''Dr. House''': Problem is, if I can't trust you, I can't trust your statement that I can trust you. But thanks anyway, you've been a big help.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': Need the lawyer.
:'''[[w:List of House characters#Edward Vogler|Vogler]]''': Who'd you kill?
:'''Dr. House''': Nobody, but it's not even lunch.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': We're a bit of a specialized hospital. We generally only deal with patients when they're actually sick.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Allison Cameron (House)|Dr. Cameron]]''': I don't have the right to show interest in someone?
:'''Dr. Foreman''': You absolutely do, and I absolutely have the right to humiliate you for it.

=== ''[[w:Heavy (House episode)|Heavy]]'' [1.16] ===
:'''[[w:James Wilson (House)|Dr. Wilson]]''': The ultrasound and biopsy confirmed our worry. The tumor is extremely large, at least thirty pounds.
:'''Lucille''': Oh, God.
:'''[[w:Gregory House|Dr. House]]''': It's actually a personal record for this clinic.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lucille''': I'm not pregnant.
:'''Dr. House''': Sorry, you don't get to make that call unless you have a stethoscope. Union rules.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lucille''': ''This'' is what a woman is supposed to look like. We're not just skin and bones - we have flesh. We have curves.
:'''Dr. House''': You have little people inside you.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': Physician-patient confidentiality protects me from annoying conversations.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': Figures you'd try and come up with a solution where no one gets hurt. The problem is, the world doesn't work that way just 'cause you want it to.
:'''[[w:Allison Cameron (House)|Dr. Cameron]]''': Figures you'd stall and refuse to deal with the issue. Problem is, the world doesn't go away just because you want it to.

=== ''[[w:Role Model (House episode)|Role Model]]'' [1.17] ===
:'''[[w:Dr. Lisa Cuddy|Dr. Cuddy]]''': In the Senator's condition, a spleen biopsy could easily cause sepsis and kill him!
:'''Dr. House''': Why do you do this to me? Now if I kill him, I can't tell the judge I had no idea of the risks involved.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. Cameron''': ''[giving differential diagnosis]'' Idiopathic T-cell deficiency?
:'''Dr. House''': Idiopathic, from the Latin meaning we're idiots 'cause we can't figure out what's causing it. Give him a whole body scan.
:'''Dr. Cameron''': You hate whole body scans.
:'''Dr. House''': 'Cause they're useless. Could probably scan every one of us and find five different doodads that look like cancer. But, when you're 4th-down, 100 to go, in the snow, you don't call a running play up the middle. Unless you're the Jets.
:''[House leaves]''
:'''Dr. Cameron''': I hate sports metaphors.

<hr width=50%>
:'''Senator''': What will the voters think? If they find out I've had a b-b-brain biopsy?
:'''Dr. House''': This could leave you b-b-b-b-brain damaged...and you're worried about NASCAR dads?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': ''[to black Senator]'' You're not going to become President either way. They don't call it the White House because of the paint job.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': ''[at press convention]'' Ed Vogler is a brilliant businessman, a brilliant judge of people, and a man who has never lost a fight. You know how I know that the new ACE inhibitor is good? Because the old one was good. The new one is really the same, it's just more expensive. A lot more expensive. See, that's another example of Ed's brilliance. Whenever one of his drugs is about to lose its patent he has his boys and girls alter it just a tiny bit and patent it all over again. Making not just a pointless new pill, but millions and millions of dollars. Which is good for everybody, right? Except for the patients. Psht. Who cares? They're just so damn sick. God obviously never liked them anyway. ''[Chase chugs his wine.]''

=== ''[[w:Babies & Bathwater|Babies & Bathwater]]'' [1.18] ===
:'''Dr. House''': She has gone from the 25th weight percentile to the 3rd in one month. Now I'm not a baby expert, but I'm pretty sure they're not supposed to shrink.
:'''Rachel Kaplan''': Well there's this diet we put her on when she stopped breast feeding...
:'''Andrew Kaplan''': But it's healthy, um, raw food. We're vegans. Almond milk, tofu, uh, vegetables...
:'''Dr. House''': Raw food... If only her ancestors had mastered the secret of fire. Babies need fat, proteins, calories. Less important: sprouts and hemp. Starving babies is bad and illegal in many cultures. I'm having her admitted.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': Don't worry, it's a vegan I.V.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:James Wilson (House)|Dr. Wilson]]''': I have no kids, my marriage sucks... I only got two things that work for me: this job and this stupid screwed up friendship, and neither mattered enough for you to give one lousy speech.
:'''Dr. House''': They matter... If I could do it all again—
:'''Dr. Wilson''': —you'd do the exact same thing.
:''[House nods]''

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': Any vote to revoke my tenure has to be unanimous. I've got you and maybe even Cuddy.
:'''Dr. Wilson''': Oh, well that settles it. Mr. Ruthless Corporate Raider will be stymied, go home, curl up on the floor of his shower and weep.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Vogler''': It's the same motion as yesterday people, same reasons. All those in favor of dismissing Gregory House raise a hand.
:''[all present apart from Cuddy raise their hands]''
:'''Vogler''': ''[sighs]'' Dr. Cuddy, you realize this is going to happen.
:'''Dr. Cuddy''': I can't do it.
:'''Vogler''': You can't abstain.
:'''Dr. Cuddy''': I'm not abstaining, I'm voting no.
:'''Vogler''': You've changed your mind since yesterday?! What did he do, buy you dinner and roses, threaten to drown your dog?
:'''Dr. Cuddy''': He did his job.
:'''Vogler''': ''[sarcastically]'' Right, he saved another life.
:'''Dr. Cuddy''': Maybe.
:'''Vogler''': Good for him, it's great, it's not the point.
:'''Dr. Cuddy''': It's what we do.
:'''Vogler''': And you could do it a lot better if you didn't have to worry about some madman running around the hospital accountable to no-one.
:'''Dr. Cuddy''': But that's not the choice you're giving us!
:'''Vogler''': ''[cutting in]'' House won't listen to anyone...
:'''Dr. Cuddy''': ''[cutting in]'' And you're not accountable to anyone either, because you think you own us.
:'''Vogler''': ''[sighs]'' I move for the immediate dismissal of Doctor Lisa Cuddy.
:'''Board member''': She's upset, we all are. ''[to Cuddy]'' Why would you risk your career to save him?
:'''Dr. Cuddy''': If you think House deserves to go, if you think I deserve to go, Wilson deserved to go then vote yes. But if you're doing this because you are afraid of losing his money, then he's right, he does own you. ''[gets up to go]'' You have a choice, maybe the last real one you'll have here. ''[leaves]''

=== ''[[w:Kids (House episode)|Kids]]'' [1.19] ===
:'''[[w:Gregory House|Dr. House]]''': I saw the light on.
:'''[[w:Allison Cameron (House)|Dr. Cameron]]''': It's daytime.
:'''Dr. House''': Yeah. It's a figure of speech. Always so literal.
:''[pause]''
:'''Dr. Cameron''': Got a new cane.
:'''Dr. House''': Yeah. Guy in the store said it was slimming. Vertical stripe...
:'''Dr. Cameron''': Why are you here?
:'''Dr. House''': Vogler is dead.
:'''Dr. Cameron''': What? What happened?
:'''Dr. House''': Again with the literal translation. Vogler the idea. Mr. Destructo. Mr. Money Bags, "Bow down before me"; he's gone from the hospital, so things can go back to the way they were.
:'''Dr. Cameron''': The way they were was kinda weird.
:'''Dr. House''': Ehh...weird works for me.
:'''Dr. Cameron''': What are you saying? Literally?
:'''Dr. House''': I want you to come back.
:'''Dr. Cameron''': Why?
:''[House's beeper goes off, Cameron crosses her arms]''
:'''Dr. House''': Please unclench. You're not on the clock, and when you do that, I clench, and then it's the whole thing...
:'''Dr. Cameron''': Could you look at your pager?
:''[he does]''
:'''Dr. House''': It's no big deal, some sort of epidemic. Not my area.
:'''Dr. Cameron''': You should go, it's important.
:'''Dr. House''': What I'm doing now is important.
:'''Dr. Cameron''': Why do you want me back?
:'''Dr. House''': Because you're a good doctor.
:'''Dr. Cameron''': That's it?
:'''Dr. House''': That's not enough?
:'''Dr. Cameron''': Not for me. Go deal with your plague.
:''[she shuts the door in his face]''

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[House walks into hospital and sees room full of possible epidemic patients and turns around towards exit]''
:'''[[w:Dr. Lisa Cuddy|Dr. Cuddy]]''': Dr. House! We need you here.
:'''Dr. House''': Sorry, lotta sick people. I might catch something.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': ''[Walking into his office, where Wilson is waiting with another job applicant]'' Sorry. I was taking a dump.
:'''Dr. Petra Gilmar''': Well I guess I'm better off interviewing right after than right before.
:''[Dr House and Dr Wilson exchange a surprised glance]''
:'''Dr. House''': You Jewish?
:'''Dr. Petra Gilmar''': ''[Keeping her cool]'' Yes.
:'''Dr. House''': Is it true what they say about Jewish foreplay?
:'''Dr. Wilson''': ''[Desperate to change the subject]'' Uh, uh—
:'''Dr. Petra Gilmar''': Two hours of begging?
:'''Dr. House''': I heard four.
:'''Dr. Petra Gilmar''': Well, actually I'm only half Jewish. ''[After a significant, impressed pause from House and Wilson]'' Look, I know you like to play games, push buttons. I have four brothers. Long as you keep your hands to yourself, I'm okay with anything that comes out of your mouth.
:''[After they shake hands and she escorts herself out]''
:'''Dr. Wilson''': That's our Hitler!!
:'''Dr. House''': No. Did you see her shoes?
:'''Dr. Wilson''': Her shoes? What, did your horoscope in ''Vogue'' tell you to avoid women wearing green shoes?
:'''Dr. House''': The eyes can mislead, a smile can lie, but the shoes always tell the truth.
:'''Dr. Wilson''': They were Prada, which means she has good taste.
:'''Dr. House''': They were not Prada. You wouldn't know Prada if one stepped on your scrotum.
:'''Dr. Wilson''': Okay, well... they were nice, pointy.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. Wilson''': You had the perfect person, and you blew it.
:'''Dr. House''': You saw the shoes!
:'''Dr. Wilson''': I'm not talking about her.
:'''Dr. House''': You're talking about Cameron.
:'''Dr. Wilson''': I'm talking about every woman you've ever given a damn about.
:'''Dr. House''': Cameron is so not perfect.
:'''Dr. Wilson''': Nobody's perfect.
:'''Dr. House''': [[w:Mother Theresa|Mother Theresa]]?
:'''Dr. Wilson''': Dead.
:'''Dr. House''': [[w:Angelina Jolie|Angelina Jolie]]?
:'''Dr. Wilson''': No medical degree.
:'''Dr. House''': Oh, so now who's being picky?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. Wilson''': You're not going to be happy with anyone.
:'''Dr. House''': So what, your advice is... hire someone I'm not happy with and be happy?
:'''Dr. Wilson''': No, my advice is much more subtle. Stop being an ass.

=== ''[[w:Love Hurts (House episode)|Love Hurts]]'' [1.20] ===
:'''Dr. Cameron''': ''[Referring to Dr. House]'' He agreed to go on a date with me.
:'''[[w:Eric Foreman|Dr. Foreman]]''': A date? Date, dinner and a movie, naked and sweaty date?
:'''Dr. Cameron''': He only committed to the first two.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ramona''': My OB-GYN died recently. Nice man. Warm hands.
:'''Dr. House''': Not anymore.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': Wow. Well, you've certainly given me a lot to think about. If only I was as open as you.
:'''[[w:Dr. Lisa Cuddy|Dr. Cuddy]]''': Well...
:'''Dr. House''': Actually, it was your blouse I was talking to.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. Wilson''': ''[House is attempting to put on a tie before his date with Cameron]'' The wide side's too short. You're gonna look like [[w:Lou Costello|Lou Costello]].
:'''Dr. House''': This is a mistake. I don't know how to have casual conversation. You think you're talking about one thing, and either you are and it's incredibly boring, or you're not because it's subtext and you need a decoder ring.
:'''Dr. Wilson''': Open doors for her, help her with her chair...
:'''Dr. House''': I have been on a date.
:'''Dr. Wilson''': Uh, not since disco died. Comment on her shoes, her earrings, and then move on to D.H.A.: her Dreams, Hopes, and Aspirations. Trust me — panty-peeler. Oh, and if you need condoms, I've got some.
:'''Dr. House''': ''[sarcastically]'' Did your wife give them to you?
:'''Dr. Wilson''': Drug rep. They got antibiotics built in, somehow.
:'''Dr. House''': I should cancel. I've got a patient in surgery tomorrow.
:''[House moves to the kitchen]''
:'''Dr. Wilson''': And if you were a surgeon, that would actually matter.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. Cameron''': I have one evening with you, one chance. And I don't want to waste it talking about what movies you like or what wines you hate. I want to know how you feel—about me.
:'''Dr. House''': You live under the delusion that you can fix everything that isn't perfect. That's why you married a man who was dying of cancer. You don't love, you need. And now that your husband is dead, you're looking for your new charity case. That's why you're going out with me. I'm twice your age, I'm not great-looking, I'm not charming; I'm not even nice. What I am is what you need. I'm damaged.

=== ''[[w:Three Stories|Three Stories]]'' [1.21] ===
:'''Dr. House''': Would you operate on your mother?
:'''Medical student #2''': Of course not. I'd be too nervous, couldn't be objective.
:'''Dr. House''': Then why are you so anxious to treat everyone like they were family?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': I'm sure this goes against everything you've been taught, but right and wrong do exist. Just because you don't know what the right answer is, maybe there's even no way you could know what the right answer is, doesn't make your answer right or even okay. It's much simpler than that. It's just plain wrong.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. Wilson''': Do you think he was dead? Do you think those experiences were real?
:'''Dr. House''': Define real. They were real experiences. What they meant... Personally, I choose to believe that the white light people sometimes see, visions, this patient saw. They're all just chemical reactions that take place when the brain shuts down.
:'''[[w:Eric Foreman|Dr. Foreman]]''': You choose to believe that?
:'''Dr. House''': There's no conclusive science. My choice has no practical [[relevance]] to my life, I choose the outcome I find more comforting.
:'''[[w:Allison Cameron (House)|Dr. Cameron]]''': You find it more comforting to believe that this is it?
:'''Dr. House''': I find it more comforting to believe that this isn't simply a test.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': It is in the nature of medicine that you are gonna screw up. You are gonna kill someone. If you can't handle that reality, pick another profession. Or finish medical school and teach.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': I like my leg. I've had it for as long as I can remember.

=== ''[[w:Honeymoon (House episode)|Honeymoon]]'' [1.22] ===
:'''[[w:Allison Cameron (House)|Dr. Cameron]]''': [''Coffee mug in hand, standing next to the whiteboard with one arm draped over it''] Foreman! Are you going to contribute, or are you too tired from stealing cars? [''Foreman and Chase stare at her''] I'm being House. It's funny.
:'''[[w:Eric Foreman|Dr. Foreman]]''': [''Deadpan''] I know. You made milk come out of my nose.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Stacy Warner|Stacy]]''': I’m not over you. You were, you were the one, you always will be. But I can’t be with you.
:'''[[w:Gregory House|Dr. House]]''': So I’m the guy, but you want the other guy, who by definition can never be the guy.
:'''Stacy''': What's great about you is that you think you're right, what's frustrating about you is you're right so much of the time.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': Straight from the bladder, that's as fresh as it gets.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': You know we should do things, throw a ball around or something. Guy stuff.
:'''Mark''': We could go for a run together.
:'''Dr. House''': OH! It's Oscar Wilde!
:'''Stacy''': Wow, this pissing contest is really turning me on.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. House''': Here's to women. Can't live with them, can't kill them and tell the neighbors they're stripping in Atlantic City.
:'''Mark''': Damn straight. [''they chug their beers, trying to finish first'']
:'''Dr. House''': I'm definitely taller.
:'''Mark''': I have more hair.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Gregory House|Dr. Gregory House]] - [[w:Hugh Laurie|Hugh Laurie]]
* [[w:James Wilson (House)|Dr. James Wilson]] - [[w:Robert Sean Leonard|Robert Sean Leonard]]
* [[w:Lisa Cuddy|Dr. Lisa Cuddy]] - [[w:Lisa Edelstein|Lisa Edelstein]]

* [[w:Eric Foreman|Dr. Eric Foreman]] - [[w:Omar Epps|Omar Epps]]
* [[w:Robert Chase|Dr. Robert Chase]] - [[w:Jesse Spencer|Jesse Spencer]]
* [[w:Allison Cameron|Dr. Allison Cameron]] - [[w:Jennifer Morrison|Jennifer Morrison]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.house-boards.com/ House M.D. Boards]
* {{imdb title|0412142|House}}
* {{tv.com show|22374|House}}
* [http://www.epguides.com/House/ House, M.D. at epguides.com]
* [http://www.watchinghouse.com/ Watching House updated daily]
* [http://www.drhouseforum.de/ German Dr. House Board]
* [http://www.drhouse.de/ German Dr. House Page]

[[Category:American television seasons]]
[[Category:House (TV series)]]

Stephen Colbert

2017-05-08T19:23:09Z

StjJackson: /* =Late Show with Stephen Colbert */

[[File:Stephen Colbert 2 by David Shankbone.jpg|thumb|right|[[Reality]] has a well-[[known]] [[liberal]] [[bias]].]]
[[File:Stephen Colbert 4 by David Shankbone.jpg|thumb|right|Well, I [[thought]] it was [[funny]].]]
'''[[w:Stephen Colbert|Stephen Tyrone Colbert]]''' (born [[13 May]] [[1964]]) is an American satirist, comedian, writer and actor most famous for his work on ''[[w:The Daily Show|The Daily Show]]'' and, starting in 2005, ''[[w:The Colbert Report|The Colbert Report]]'', in which he portrays a parody of conservative media pundits. He graduated from [[w:Northwestern University|Northwestern University]] in 1986, and appeared in the films ''Nobody Knows Anything!'' (2003), ''Snow Days'' (1999), and ''Shock Asylum'' (1997). In 1995, Colbert made his TV debut on Comedy Central in ''[[w:Exit 57|Exit 57]]'' and was later on the show ''[[w:Strangers with Candy|Strangers with Candy]]''. Colbert did voice work for "The Ambiguously Gay Duo" on ''[[w:Saturday Night Live|Saturday Night Live]]'' as the voice of Ace, and also provided the voices of "Myron Reducto", "Phil Ken Sebben", and "The Eagle Of Truth" on ''[[w:Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law|Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law]].''

== Quotes ==
[[File:Stephen Colbert.jpg|thumb|right|I think of him as well intentioned, poorly [[informed]], high status [[idiot]].]]
[[File:Stephen Colbert in May 2008 No 2.jpg|thumb|right|Don’t be [[afraid]] to be a [[fool]]. ... [[Cynicism]] masquerades as [[wisdom]], but it is the farthest thing from it.]]
[[File:Truthiness comic.jpg|thumb|right|In the [[Wikipedia]] age, everybody can be an expert in five minutes.]]
[[File:Stephen Colbert at FSU Pow Wow.jpg|thumb|right|We claim no [[respectability]]. There's no status I would not surrender for a [[joke]].]]
[[File:Time 100 Stephen Colbert and wife.jpg|thumb|right|I don't perceive my role as a newsman at all. I'm a [[comedian]] from stem to stern.]]
[[File:Stephen Colbert by David Shankbone.jpg|thumb|right|You can’t [[laugh]] and be [[afraid]] at the same [[time]]—of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.]]
[[File:Stephen Colbert at Rally.jpg|thumb|right|If you don't give [[power]] to the [[words]] that [[people]] throw at you to [[hurt]] you, they don't hurt you anymore — and you actually have power over those people.]]

*'''I didn't realize quite how [[liberal]] I was''' until I was asked to make passionate comedic choices as opposed to necessarily successful comedic choices.
** [http://www.npr.org/templates/player/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=4464017&m=4464018 "Fresh Air" NPR interview] (24 January 2005)

* Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
** "The Colbert Report," November 12, 2009.

* Such a proud moment of professionalism. You work for years crafting cogent [[satire|satirical]] essays and the thing that everybody remembers is me making love to a Chiquita and bursting into [[laughter]]. What you can't see off camera is Jon started laughing first. '''And then I'm weak. As much as I want to make the audience laugh, I ''really'' want to make Jon laugh.'''
**[http://www.jerriblank.com/colbert_ew.html ''Entertainment Weekly'' interview], August 13, 2004, on his character break during the infamous Prince Charles sketch on ''The Daily Show''.

* My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned, but an idiot… So we said, "Let's give him a promotion."
** "Colbert spoofs cable news on Daily Show spinoff" Associated Press report (31 October 2005)

* '''[[w:Truthiness|Truthiness]] is tearing apart our country''', and I don't mean the argument over who came up with the word. I don't know whether it's a new thing, but it's certainly a current thing, in that it doesn't seem to matter what facts are. '''It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything. It's certainty.''' People love the president because he's certain of his choices as a leader, even if the facts that back him up don't seem to exist. It's the fact that he's certain that is very appealing to a certain section of the country. I really feel a dichotomy in the American populace. What is important? What you want to be true, or what ''is'' true?
**[http://www.avclub.com/content/node/44705 ''AV Club'' interview], (25 January 2006)

* '''I think of him as well intentioned, poorly informed, high status idiot.'''
** On his character in ''The Colbert Report'', in an interview on [http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/04/27/60minutes/main1553506.shtml ''60 Minutes''] (30 April 2006)

* You said the war would pay for itself in fruit baskets. You said that our soldiers would march in the streets of Havana and people would shower them with bananas and cigars. That didn’t happen. Would you like to look into the camera and apologize to the American people?
** One of his questions to President [[Theodore Roosevelt]] in his series Better Know A President on The Colbert Report[http://www.nofactzone.net/?p=1788] (17 May 2006)

* '''Don’t be afraid to be a fool.''' Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. '''Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it.''' Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. '''Cynics always say no. But saying yes begins things. Saying yes is how things grow. Saying yes leads to knowledge. "Yes" is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say yes.'''
**[http://www.knox.edu/colbert.xml Knox College commencement address] (3 June 2006)

* '''But you have one thing that may save you, and that is your youth. This is your great strength. It is also why I hate and fear you.''' Hear me out. It has been said that children are our future. But does that not also mean that we are their past? You are here to replace us. I don't understand why we're here helping and honoring them. You do not see union workers holding benefits for robots.
** Knox College commencement address (3 June 2006)

* If I want to say he didn't that's my right, and now, thanks to Wikipedia — it's also a fact.
** On the ownership of slaves by [[George Washington]], on ''The Colbert Report'' (31 July 2006).

* Get your own entry in an encyclopedia... '''In the media age, everybody was famous for 15 minutes. In the Wikipedia age, everybody can be an expert in five minutes.''' Special bonus: You can edit your own entry to make yourself seem even smarter.
**[http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/14.08/colbert.html ''Wired Magazine'' article] (14 August 2006)

* Well folks, it's October and you know what that means: only a few more weeks 'til Hallowe'en when my family traditionally puts up our Christmas decorations. People come from far and wide to visit our haunted manger. We make their kids stick their hands in a spoooky bowl of Frankincense!! It's actually just spaghetti.
** On ''The Colbert Report'' (28 September 2006). Video available at [http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/76103/september-28-2006/the-blitzkrieg-on-grinchitude ''Colbert Nation'']

* '''Language has always been important in politics, but language is incredibly important to the present political struggle.''' Because if you can establish an atmosphere in which information doesn't mean anything, then there is no objective reality. The first show we did, a year ago, was our thesis statement: What you wish to be true is all that matters, regardless of the facts. '''Of course, at the time, we thought we were being farcical.'''
**[http://nymag.com/news/politics/22322/ ''New York Magazine'' interview] (16 October 2006)

* '''I have tender feelings for [[Richard Nixon|Nixon]], because everybody has warm feelings about their childhood.''' Actually, I didn't like the Watergate trials 'cause they interrupted ''[[The Munsters]]''... Nixon was the last liberal president. He supported women's rights, the environment, ending the draft, youth involvement, and now he's the boogeyman? [[John Kerry|Kerry]] couldn't even run on that today.
**[http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/news/americas-anchors-20061116?page=3 ''Rolling Stone'' interview] (31 October 2006)

* '''We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke.''' So we don't have to defend anything.
**''Rolling Stone'' interview (31 October 2006)

* '''I don't perceive my role as a newsman at all. I'm a comedian from stem to stern.''' You can cut me open and count the rings of jokes. If people learn something about the news by watching the show, that is incidental to my goal.
** When asked what he perceives his role to be, given that many young people claim to get their news from ''The Daily Show'' and ''The Colbert Report'', on newsman.[http://ksgaccman.harvard.edu/iop/events_forum_video.asp?ID=3051 "Harvard University: A Conversation with Stephen Colbert"] (1 December 2006).

* '''Answer honestly... Disabuse me of my ignorance.''' Don’t let me get away with anything. Don’t try to play my game. Be real. Be passionate. Hold your ideas. Give me resistance. Give me traction I can work against. The friction between reality, or the truly held concerns of the person, and the farcical concerns that I have, or my need to seem important, as opposed to actually understanding what’s true... Where those two things meet is where the comedy happens. '''So be real. That's the best thing you can do.''' And call me on my bullshit.
** On how he would recommend ''Colbert Report'' guests approach interviews, on ''A Conversation with Stephen Colbert'' (1 December 2006).

* '''I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it’s more than that. It’s an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids.''' Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche, and then applies an antibiotic cream... Obviously, it’s a challenge to make light of the darkness but, um, it’s better than crying about it.
**[http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20006490,00.html ''Entertainment Weekly'' interview] (4 January 2007)

* '''I'm surprised at the reaction it got. I went down there and did exactly what I wanted. I didn't expect it to be some sort of cultural-political line in the sand.''' I did the style of jokes I'd been doing for six months. The fact that anybody found it surprising or alarming that I would do that was educational to me.
** On the reaction to his performance at the White House Correspondents' Dinner, in ''Entertainment Weekly'' (4 January 2007)

* At Pottery Barn, if you knock over a lamp, you have to glue it back together, even if when you're done it looks terrible and it doesn't work. Oh, and you have to stay in the store forever. Oh, and it's an exploding lamp.
**On the "[[w:Pottery Barn rule|Pottery Barn Rule]]," ''The Colbert Report'' (16 May 2007)

* We decided that my character had a pre-show tradition, like a ritual, which was to sing the lyrics to "I Want You To Want Me" by Cheap Trick into the mirror. Because, more than anything else, as much as he says he's bringing the truth, he just wants to be liked.
**[http://www.parade.com/celebrity/articles/070923-stephen-colbert.html ''Parade'' web exclusive interview] (19 September 2007)

* Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? '''You can’t laugh and be afraid at the same time—of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.'''
** [http://www.parade.com/articles/editions/2007/edition_09-23-2007/AStephen_Colbert ''Parade'' interview] (23 September 2007)

* After acting for so many years, do you know who you are anymore? Because actors are liars basically, you lie about who you are to an audience.
** [[Stephen Colbert]] to Viggo Mortensen, [[The colbert Report]] September 18, 2014

* We worked very hard to keep him from being a jerk by keeping in mind he's well intentioned. Just poorly informed. '''He wants to do the right thing but has none of the tools to achieve it. Because he has no curiosity, he doesn't like to read and he won't listen anybody, except the voices in his head.'''
** On his character in ''The Colbert Report'' in an interview on [http://www.cnn.com/CNN/Programs/larry.king.live/ ''Larry King Live'' (11 October 2007)]

* Winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think [[George W. Bush|George Bush]] has proved definitively that to be president, you don’t need to care about science, literature or peace.
** [http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/14/opinion/14dowd.html "A Mock Columnist, Amok"], in ''The New York Times'' (14 October 2007)

* While skin and race are often synonymous, skin cleansing is good, race cleansing is bad.
** "A Mock Columnist, Amok", in ''The New York Times'' (14 October 2007)

* '''Well, I thought it was funny.'''
** A six-word autobiography, ''[http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/theampersand/archive/2007/12/13/six-word-memoir-contest-explodes-read-ten-of-the-best-first-fifty-entries.aspx NationalPost.com],'' (13 December 2007)

* I '''''teach''''' [[Sunday School]], motherfucker.
** Interviewing [[w:Stanford|Stanford University]] professor emeritus [[w:Philip Zimbardo|Dr. Philip Zimbardo]], author of the book ''The Lucifer Effect''. After an increasingly heated debate on the problem of [[w:Theodicy|theodicy]], Colbert sets the record straight responding to Zimbardo's slightly sarcastically charged "Obviously you learned well in Sunday School". [http://www.comedycentral.com/motherload/player.jhtml?ml_video=149094&ml_collection=&ml_gateway=&ml_gateway_id=&ml_comedian=&ml_runtime=&ml_context=show&ml_origin_url=%2Fmotherload%2F%3Flnk%3Dv%26ml_video%3D149094&ml_playlist=&lnk=&is_large=true ''The Colbert Report''] (11 February 2008)

* It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.
** In response to a question about what he would put into a [[Jon Stewart]] Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor, University of Buffalo Distinguished Speakers Series (4 April 2008)

* Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you're in business, buddy.
**A parody of the "[[English_proverbs#Give_a_man_a_fish|Give a man a fish...]]" proverb alluding to the [[w:Subprime mortgage crisis|subprime mortgage crisis]] of the aughts on ''The Colbert Report'' (14 May 2008)

* '''The [[w:New York Stock Exchange|market]] is not finished. The market still has over nine thousand points to drop.''' We'll get to Christmas at least.
** On the [[w:Financial crisis of 2008|Financial crisis of 2008]] ''The Colbert Report'' (6 October 2008)

* '''If you don't give power to the words that people throw at you to hurt you, they don't hurt you anymore — and you actually have power over those people.''' … So, if you can, realize that the things that people say about you — they don't really matter — it's who you are. '''And the older you get, the more you'll understand that — because it gets better. And people get nicer too.'''
** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BThRZbCs-p8 Stephen Colbert - It Gets Better (13 July 2011)]

=== [[w:Stephen Colbert at the 2006 White House Correspondents' Association Dinner|White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)]] ===
[[File:20061005-6 p100506pm-397-598v.jpg|thumb|right|Somebody pinch me.]]
[[File:Bush-USS-Lincoln.jpg|thumb|right|No matter what happens to America, she will always rebound — with the most powerfully staged [[wikipedia:Photo op|photo ops]] in the world.]]
[[File:FOX News Channel Stand.jpg|thumb|right|As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America — with the exception of ''Fox News''.]]
[[File:BushFamily-Nov2-2004.jpg|thumb|right|I just like the guy. He's a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half, and polls show America agrees.]]
:Address at the Hilton Washington hotel, Washington, D.C. (29 April 2006) 

* '''Before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers.''' Someone from the [[wikipedia:National Security Agency|NSA]] will be right over with a cocktail.

* I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit.

* '''I believe in America. I believe it exists.''' My gut tells me I live there. I ''feel'' that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I ''strongly'' believe it has 50 states. And I cannot ''wait'' to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow.

* That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say "I did look it up, and that's not true." That's 'cause you looked it up in a book. Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works.

* '''Somebody pinch me.''' You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough. '''Somebody [[w:Dick Cheney hunting incident|shoot me in the face]].''' Is [[w:Dick Cheney|he]] really not here tonight? Dammit.
**Expressing his awe at being so close to the president.

* I believe it's yogurt, but '''[[w:I Can't Believe It's Not Butter|I refuse to believe it's not butter.]]'''

* '''I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands ''on'' things.''' Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound — with the ''most powerfully staged [[w:Photo op|photo ops]] in the world.''

* [[Ray Nagin|Mayor Nagin]] is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city... Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center, and a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a [[w:Chocolate-coated marshmallow treats#Mallomars|Mallomar]] I guess is what I'm describing.

* '''I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government [[w:Government of Iraq from 2006|in Iraq]].'''

* I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble: '''Don't let them retire!''' Come on, we've got a [[w:Stop-loss policy|stop-loss program]]; let's use it on these guys. I've seen [[w:Anthony Zinni|Zinni]] and that crowd on [[w:Wolf Blitzer|Wolf Blitzer]]. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you're strong enough to stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Come on.

* '''I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone".''' ''[[w:Fox News|Fox News]]'', I hold a copyright on that term.

* I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." '''And reality has a well-known liberal bias.'''

* Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass, is my point. But I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash.

* [[Jesse Jackson]] is here. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he’s going to say what he wants at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a [[w:Glacier|glacier]]. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.

* '''As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America — with the exception of ''Fox News''.''' ''Fox News'' gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side. But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. '''Over the last five years you people were so good — over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.'''

* But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the Decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. '''Make, announce, type.''' Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. '''You know — ''fiction''.'''

* Then you write, "Oh, they're just [[w:Rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic|rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic]]." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is ''soaring''. '''If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the ''[[w:Hindenburg disaster|Hindenburg]]''.'''

* The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. '''He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday — no matter what happened [[w: September 11 attacks|Tuesday]].'''

* And though I am a committed Christian, '''I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion — be you Hindu, Jewish, or Muslim, I believe there are infinite paths to accepting [[Jesus Christ]] as your personal savior.'''

* By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got [[w:Frank Rich|Frank Rich]], but we can bump him. And I mean ''bump him''. I know a guy. Say the word.

* Ambassador [[w:Zhou Wenzhong|Zhou Wenzhong]], welcome! Your great country [of China] makes our Happy Meals possible!

* '''I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in [[w:Cirque du Soleil|Cirque du Soleil]].''' It was magical.

* Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my ''right'' as an ''American''.

* '''And I just like the guy. He's a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half, and polls show America agrees.'''
** On [[George W. Bush]].

=== [[w:The O'Reilly Factor|The O'Reilly Factor]], January 2007 ===
:'''Stephen:''' I spend so much time in the world that is spinning all the time, that to be in the no-spin zone actually gives me vertigo.

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Stephen:''' They're ''[[w:New York Times|New York Times]]'', [[Bill O'Reilly (commentator)|Bill]]! They hate [[George W. Bush|George Bush]], of course they're gonna hate you! They're haters, Bill!

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Stephen:''' We on my show, and by "we" I mean ME!

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Stephen:''' Absolutely! You have to be high to understand [[Jon Stewart]].

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Stephen:''' I do fear bears. They're giant, marauding, Godless killing machines!

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Stephen:''' You know what I hate about people who criticize you? They criticize what you say, but they never give you credit for how loud you say it. Or how long you say it.

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Stephen:''' I wanna thank you for not asking me about that thing we pre-agreed you wouldn't ask me about.

=== [[w:58th Primetime Emmy Awards|58th Primetime Emmy Awards]]===
[[File:Stephen Colbert at 2008 Emmy Awards.jpg|thumb|right|Good evening, godless sodomites.]]
: Shrine Auditorium, Los Angeles, California (27 August 2006)
:''[presenting the award for best reality/competition show]''
:'''[[Jon Stewart]]''': Thank you very much, it's a pleasure to be here tonight.
:'''Stephen Colbert''': Good evening, godless sodomites.
:'''Stewart''': ''[pause]'' What're you — what're you doing?
:'''Colbert''': I'm bringing the truth, Jon. We're in Hollywood, the belly of the beast.
:'''Stewart''': You can't just — you can't just read the prompter?
:'''Colbert''': I'm reading the prompter in here. ''[points to his heart]'' You can read that pablum.
:'''Stewart''': Award-show banter is not pablum! ''[reading from the prompter; reluctantly]'' "Reality television celebrates the human condition... by ''[mumbling]'' illuminating what's extraordinary in the ordinary person."
:'''Colbert''': ''[firmly]'' It warps the mind of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.
:'''Stewart''': ''[still mumbling]'' "The results are often dramatic and always unexpected. We're here to honor achievement in that category."
:'''Colbert''': By giving you a golden idol to worship! ''[points at the giant Emmy statue next to the stage]'' KNEEL BEFORE YOUR GOD, BABYLON!
:'''Stewart''': This is, uh... this is about the Manilow thing, isn't it?
:'''Colbert''': I lost to [[w:Barry Manilow|BARRY MANILOW]]! Barry Manilow! I lost to the Copacabana! Singing and dancing is not "performing"! Wolverine I could've lost to — he's got claws for hands!
:'''Stewart''': All right.
:'''Colbert''': Can I hold one of yours?
:'''Stewart''': No! The nominees are...
:*Earlier in the evening, Colbert had been beaten in the [[w:58th Primetime Emmy Awards#Outstanding Individual Performance in a Variety or Music Program|Outstanding Individual Performance]] category by Barry Manilow.

===''Late Show with Stephen Colbert''===
*'''Colbert''': ''[imitating Stephen Miller]'' [[Robert Oppenheimer|I am become death, destroyer of worlds]]. Kneel before Zod.

==Quotes about Colbert==
[[File:Tim & Stephen hanging out for a minute..png|thumb|right|He was always the smartest guy in the room, and he was always smart enough not to let you know he was the smartest guy in the room.]]

* I was motivated to play [[w:Dungeons & Dragons|Dungeons & Dragons]]. I mean highly, highly motivated to play it. Every day, if I could find someone to play with me. If I couldn't find someone to play with me, I would work on my player character.
* I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way. But, in sort of a James Bond-ian kind of explosives in the gas tank of his car kind of way.
:*Stephen Colbert [http://www.ign.com/articles/2003/08/11/an-interview-with-stephen-colbert An interview with Stephen Colbert]

*'''He's like a living wall of encyclopedias that like to drink beer.'''
**[[w:Paul Dinello|Paul Dinello]], quoted in ''Current Biography'' article, (November 2006)

* It's one thing for an asshole to play an asshole. But your basic decency can't be hidden.
**[[Jon Stewart]], speaking to Colbert, in [http://www.rollingstone.com/tv/news/americas-anchors-20061116 "America's Anchors" in ''Rolling Stone'' (31 October 2006)]

* '''Part of the joy of being in character is being able to get away with things others cannot.''' Though a lot of that is that [he] is so high on Nyquil you never know what he's going to do.
**Jon Stewart, [http://www.nofactzone.net/?p=1384 ''Philadelphia Inquirer'' interview] (22 April 2007)]

* '''He's able to create a universe where something surreal happens on the program that seems ordinary, and all of a sudden the absurd appears not mundane but expected, organic...''' So he can have a conversation with [[w:Richard Holbrooke|Richard Holbrooke]] and [[Willie Nelson]] and it all makes perfect sense and yet it couldn't appear anywhere else without appearing burlesque. '''Somehow he has managed to create a fake world that has impacted and found standing in the real world.'''
**Jon Stewart, [http://www.vanityfair.com/fame/features/2007/10/colbert200710?currentPage=2 ''Vanity Fair'' interview],( October 2007)

* '''The thing about Colbert is he's fucking brilliant... He was always the smartest guy in the room, and he was always smart enough not to let you know he was the smartest guy in the room.'''
**Scott Wherry, a long-time friend, in ''[[w:Vanity Fair|Vanity Fair]]'' (October 2007)

* His humor is an accumulation of the eccentricities, mannerisms and jokes of his ten older brothers and sisters, a medley that trickled down.
**''Colbert Report'' staffer, in [http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/12271521/cover_story_americas_anchors_jon_stewart_and_stephen_colbert/print "America's Anchors" in ''Rolling Stone'' (31 October 2006)]

==See also==
* ''[[The Colbert Report]]''
* ''[[The Daily Show]]''
* ''[[I Am America (And So Can You!)]]''
* ''[[Strangers With Candy]]''
* ''[[Wigfield]]''

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

* {{imdb name|id=0170306|name=Stephen Colbert}}
* {{imdb title|id=0166039|name=Exit 57}}
* [http://www.colbertnation.com Colbert Nation]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Colbert, Stephen}}

[[Category:Comedians]]
[[Category:Television personalities]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2008]]

{{political-stub}}

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Stephen Colbert

2017-05-08T19:22:33Z

StjJackson: /* 58th Primetime Emmy Awards */

[[File:Stephen Colbert 2 by David Shankbone.jpg|thumb|right|[[Reality]] has a well-[[known]] [[liberal]] [[bias]].]]
[[File:Stephen Colbert 4 by David Shankbone.jpg|thumb|right|Well, I [[thought]] it was [[funny]].]]
'''[[w:Stephen Colbert|Stephen Tyrone Colbert]]''' (born [[13 May]] [[1964]]) is an American satirist, comedian, writer and actor most famous for his work on ''[[w:The Daily Show|The Daily Show]]'' and, starting in 2005, ''[[w:The Colbert Report|The Colbert Report]]'', in which he portrays a parody of conservative media pundits. He graduated from [[w:Northwestern University|Northwestern University]] in 1986, and appeared in the films ''Nobody Knows Anything!'' (2003), ''Snow Days'' (1999), and ''Shock Asylum'' (1997). In 1995, Colbert made his TV debut on Comedy Central in ''[[w:Exit 57|Exit 57]]'' and was later on the show ''[[w:Strangers with Candy|Strangers with Candy]]''. Colbert did voice work for "The Ambiguously Gay Duo" on ''[[w:Saturday Night Live|Saturday Night Live]]'' as the voice of Ace, and also provided the voices of "Myron Reducto", "Phil Ken Sebben", and "The Eagle Of Truth" on ''[[w:Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law|Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law]].''

== Quotes ==
[[File:Stephen Colbert.jpg|thumb|right|I think of him as well intentioned, poorly [[informed]], high status [[idiot]].]]
[[File:Stephen Colbert in May 2008 No 2.jpg|thumb|right|Don’t be [[afraid]] to be a [[fool]]. ... [[Cynicism]] masquerades as [[wisdom]], but it is the farthest thing from it.]]
[[File:Truthiness comic.jpg|thumb|right|In the [[Wikipedia]] age, everybody can be an expert in five minutes.]]
[[File:Stephen Colbert at FSU Pow Wow.jpg|thumb|right|We claim no [[respectability]]. There's no status I would not surrender for a [[joke]].]]
[[File:Time 100 Stephen Colbert and wife.jpg|thumb|right|I don't perceive my role as a newsman at all. I'm a [[comedian]] from stem to stern.]]
[[File:Stephen Colbert by David Shankbone.jpg|thumb|right|You can’t [[laugh]] and be [[afraid]] at the same [[time]]—of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.]]
[[File:Stephen Colbert at Rally.jpg|thumb|right|If you don't give [[power]] to the [[words]] that [[people]] throw at you to [[hurt]] you, they don't hurt you anymore — and you actually have power over those people.]]

*'''I didn't realize quite how [[liberal]] I was''' until I was asked to make passionate comedic choices as opposed to necessarily successful comedic choices.
** [http://www.npr.org/templates/player/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=4464017&m=4464018 "Fresh Air" NPR interview] (24 January 2005)

* Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
** "The Colbert Report," November 12, 2009.

* Such a proud moment of professionalism. You work for years crafting cogent [[satire|satirical]] essays and the thing that everybody remembers is me making love to a Chiquita and bursting into [[laughter]]. What you can't see off camera is Jon started laughing first. '''And then I'm weak. As much as I want to make the audience laugh, I ''really'' want to make Jon laugh.'''
**[http://www.jerriblank.com/colbert_ew.html ''Entertainment Weekly'' interview], August 13, 2004, on his character break during the infamous Prince Charles sketch on ''The Daily Show''.

* My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned, but an idiot… So we said, "Let's give him a promotion."
** "Colbert spoofs cable news on Daily Show spinoff" Associated Press report (31 October 2005)

* '''[[w:Truthiness|Truthiness]] is tearing apart our country''', and I don't mean the argument over who came up with the word. I don't know whether it's a new thing, but it's certainly a current thing, in that it doesn't seem to matter what facts are. '''It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything. It's certainty.''' People love the president because he's certain of his choices as a leader, even if the facts that back him up don't seem to exist. It's the fact that he's certain that is very appealing to a certain section of the country. I really feel a dichotomy in the American populace. What is important? What you want to be true, or what ''is'' true?
**[http://www.avclub.com/content/node/44705 ''AV Club'' interview], (25 January 2006)

* '''I think of him as well intentioned, poorly informed, high status idiot.'''
** On his character in ''The Colbert Report'', in an interview on [http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/04/27/60minutes/main1553506.shtml ''60 Minutes''] (30 April 2006)

* You said the war would pay for itself in fruit baskets. You said that our soldiers would march in the streets of Havana and people would shower them with bananas and cigars. That didn’t happen. Would you like to look into the camera and apologize to the American people?
** One of his questions to President [[Theodore Roosevelt]] in his series Better Know A President on The Colbert Report[http://www.nofactzone.net/?p=1788] (17 May 2006)

* '''Don’t be afraid to be a fool.''' Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. '''Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it.''' Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. '''Cynics always say no. But saying yes begins things. Saying yes is how things grow. Saying yes leads to knowledge. "Yes" is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say yes.'''
**[http://www.knox.edu/colbert.xml Knox College commencement address] (3 June 2006)

* '''But you have one thing that may save you, and that is your youth. This is your great strength. It is also why I hate and fear you.''' Hear me out. It has been said that children are our future. But does that not also mean that we are their past? You are here to replace us. I don't understand why we're here helping and honoring them. You do not see union workers holding benefits for robots.
** Knox College commencement address (3 June 2006)

* If I want to say he didn't that's my right, and now, thanks to Wikipedia — it's also a fact.
** On the ownership of slaves by [[George Washington]], on ''The Colbert Report'' (31 July 2006).

* Get your own entry in an encyclopedia... '''In the media age, everybody was famous for 15 minutes. In the Wikipedia age, everybody can be an expert in five minutes.''' Special bonus: You can edit your own entry to make yourself seem even smarter.
**[http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/14.08/colbert.html ''Wired Magazine'' article] (14 August 2006)

* Well folks, it's October and you know what that means: only a few more weeks 'til Hallowe'en when my family traditionally puts up our Christmas decorations. People come from far and wide to visit our haunted manger. We make their kids stick their hands in a spoooky bowl of Frankincense!! It's actually just spaghetti.
** On ''The Colbert Report'' (28 September 2006). Video available at [http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/76103/september-28-2006/the-blitzkrieg-on-grinchitude ''Colbert Nation'']

* '''Language has always been important in politics, but language is incredibly important to the present political struggle.''' Because if you can establish an atmosphere in which information doesn't mean anything, then there is no objective reality. The first show we did, a year ago, was our thesis statement: What you wish to be true is all that matters, regardless of the facts. '''Of course, at the time, we thought we were being farcical.'''
**[http://nymag.com/news/politics/22322/ ''New York Magazine'' interview] (16 October 2006)

* '''I have tender feelings for [[Richard Nixon|Nixon]], because everybody has warm feelings about their childhood.''' Actually, I didn't like the Watergate trials 'cause they interrupted ''[[The Munsters]]''... Nixon was the last liberal president. He supported women's rights, the environment, ending the draft, youth involvement, and now he's the boogeyman? [[John Kerry|Kerry]] couldn't even run on that today.
**[http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/news/americas-anchors-20061116?page=3 ''Rolling Stone'' interview] (31 October 2006)

* '''We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke.''' So we don't have to defend anything.
**''Rolling Stone'' interview (31 October 2006)

* '''I don't perceive my role as a newsman at all. I'm a comedian from stem to stern.''' You can cut me open and count the rings of jokes. If people learn something about the news by watching the show, that is incidental to my goal.
** When asked what he perceives his role to be, given that many young people claim to get their news from ''The Daily Show'' and ''The Colbert Report'', on newsman.[http://ksgaccman.harvard.edu/iop/events_forum_video.asp?ID=3051 "Harvard University: A Conversation with Stephen Colbert"] (1 December 2006).

* '''Answer honestly... Disabuse me of my ignorance.''' Don’t let me get away with anything. Don’t try to play my game. Be real. Be passionate. Hold your ideas. Give me resistance. Give me traction I can work against. The friction between reality, or the truly held concerns of the person, and the farcical concerns that I have, or my need to seem important, as opposed to actually understanding what’s true... Where those two things meet is where the comedy happens. '''So be real. That's the best thing you can do.''' And call me on my bullshit.
** On how he would recommend ''Colbert Report'' guests approach interviews, on ''A Conversation with Stephen Colbert'' (1 December 2006).

* '''I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it’s more than that. It’s an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids.''' Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche, and then applies an antibiotic cream... Obviously, it’s a challenge to make light of the darkness but, um, it’s better than crying about it.
**[http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20006490,00.html ''Entertainment Weekly'' interview] (4 January 2007)

* '''I'm surprised at the reaction it got. I went down there and did exactly what I wanted. I didn't expect it to be some sort of cultural-political line in the sand.''' I did the style of jokes I'd been doing for six months. The fact that anybody found it surprising or alarming that I would do that was educational to me.
** On the reaction to his performance at the White House Correspondents' Dinner, in ''Entertainment Weekly'' (4 January 2007)

* At Pottery Barn, if you knock over a lamp, you have to glue it back together, even if when you're done it looks terrible and it doesn't work. Oh, and you have to stay in the store forever. Oh, and it's an exploding lamp.
**On the "[[w:Pottery Barn rule|Pottery Barn Rule]]," ''The Colbert Report'' (16 May 2007)

* We decided that my character had a pre-show tradition, like a ritual, which was to sing the lyrics to "I Want You To Want Me" by Cheap Trick into the mirror. Because, more than anything else, as much as he says he's bringing the truth, he just wants to be liked.
**[http://www.parade.com/celebrity/articles/070923-stephen-colbert.html ''Parade'' web exclusive interview] (19 September 2007)

* Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? '''You can’t laugh and be afraid at the same time—of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.'''
** [http://www.parade.com/articles/editions/2007/edition_09-23-2007/AStephen_Colbert ''Parade'' interview] (23 September 2007)

* After acting for so many years, do you know who you are anymore? Because actors are liars basically, you lie about who you are to an audience.
** [[Stephen Colbert]] to Viggo Mortensen, [[The colbert Report]] September 18, 2014

* We worked very hard to keep him from being a jerk by keeping in mind he's well intentioned. Just poorly informed. '''He wants to do the right thing but has none of the tools to achieve it. Because he has no curiosity, he doesn't like to read and he won't listen anybody, except the voices in his head.'''
** On his character in ''The Colbert Report'' in an interview on [http://www.cnn.com/CNN/Programs/larry.king.live/ ''Larry King Live'' (11 October 2007)]

* Winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think [[George W. Bush|George Bush]] has proved definitively that to be president, you don’t need to care about science, literature or peace.
** [http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/14/opinion/14dowd.html "A Mock Columnist, Amok"], in ''The New York Times'' (14 October 2007)

* While skin and race are often synonymous, skin cleansing is good, race cleansing is bad.
** "A Mock Columnist, Amok", in ''The New York Times'' (14 October 2007)

* '''Well, I thought it was funny.'''
** A six-word autobiography, ''[http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/theampersand/archive/2007/12/13/six-word-memoir-contest-explodes-read-ten-of-the-best-first-fifty-entries.aspx NationalPost.com],'' (13 December 2007)

* I '''''teach''''' [[Sunday School]], motherfucker.
** Interviewing [[w:Stanford|Stanford University]] professor emeritus [[w:Philip Zimbardo|Dr. Philip Zimbardo]], author of the book ''The Lucifer Effect''. After an increasingly heated debate on the problem of [[w:Theodicy|theodicy]], Colbert sets the record straight responding to Zimbardo's slightly sarcastically charged "Obviously you learned well in Sunday School". [http://www.comedycentral.com/motherload/player.jhtml?ml_video=149094&ml_collection=&ml_gateway=&ml_gateway_id=&ml_comedian=&ml_runtime=&ml_context=show&ml_origin_url=%2Fmotherload%2F%3Flnk%3Dv%26ml_video%3D149094&ml_playlist=&lnk=&is_large=true ''The Colbert Report''] (11 February 2008)

* It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.
** In response to a question about what he would put into a [[Jon Stewart]] Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor, University of Buffalo Distinguished Speakers Series (4 April 2008)

* Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you're in business, buddy.
**A parody of the "[[English_proverbs#Give_a_man_a_fish|Give a man a fish...]]" proverb alluding to the [[w:Subprime mortgage crisis|subprime mortgage crisis]] of the aughts on ''The Colbert Report'' (14 May 2008)

* '''The [[w:New York Stock Exchange|market]] is not finished. The market still has over nine thousand points to drop.''' We'll get to Christmas at least.
** On the [[w:Financial crisis of 2008|Financial crisis of 2008]] ''The Colbert Report'' (6 October 2008)

* '''If you don't give power to the words that people throw at you to hurt you, they don't hurt you anymore — and you actually have power over those people.''' … So, if you can, realize that the things that people say about you — they don't really matter — it's who you are. '''And the older you get, the more you'll understand that — because it gets better. And people get nicer too.'''
** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BThRZbCs-p8 Stephen Colbert - It Gets Better (13 July 2011)]

=== [[w:Stephen Colbert at the 2006 White House Correspondents' Association Dinner|White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)]] ===
[[File:20061005-6 p100506pm-397-598v.jpg|thumb|right|Somebody pinch me.]]
[[File:Bush-USS-Lincoln.jpg|thumb|right|No matter what happens to America, she will always rebound — with the most powerfully staged [[wikipedia:Photo op|photo ops]] in the world.]]
[[File:FOX News Channel Stand.jpg|thumb|right|As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America — with the exception of ''Fox News''.]]
[[File:BushFamily-Nov2-2004.jpg|thumb|right|I just like the guy. He's a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half, and polls show America agrees.]]
:Address at the Hilton Washington hotel, Washington, D.C. (29 April 2006) 

* '''Before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers.''' Someone from the [[wikipedia:National Security Agency|NSA]] will be right over with a cocktail.

* I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit.

* '''I believe in America. I believe it exists.''' My gut tells me I live there. I ''feel'' that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I ''strongly'' believe it has 50 states. And I cannot ''wait'' to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow.

* That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say "I did look it up, and that's not true." That's 'cause you looked it up in a book. Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works.

* '''Somebody pinch me.''' You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough. '''Somebody [[w:Dick Cheney hunting incident|shoot me in the face]].''' Is [[w:Dick Cheney|he]] really not here tonight? Dammit.
**Expressing his awe at being so close to the president.

* I believe it's yogurt, but '''[[w:I Can't Believe It's Not Butter|I refuse to believe it's not butter.]]'''

* '''I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands ''on'' things.''' Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound — with the ''most powerfully staged [[w:Photo op|photo ops]] in the world.''

* [[Ray Nagin|Mayor Nagin]] is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city... Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center, and a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a [[w:Chocolate-coated marshmallow treats#Mallomars|Mallomar]] I guess is what I'm describing.

* '''I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government [[w:Government of Iraq from 2006|in Iraq]].'''

* I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble: '''Don't let them retire!''' Come on, we've got a [[w:Stop-loss policy|stop-loss program]]; let's use it on these guys. I've seen [[w:Anthony Zinni|Zinni]] and that crowd on [[w:Wolf Blitzer|Wolf Blitzer]]. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you're strong enough to stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Come on.

* '''I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone".''' ''[[w:Fox News|Fox News]]'', I hold a copyright on that term.

* I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." '''And reality has a well-known liberal bias.'''

* Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass, is my point. But I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash.

* [[Jesse Jackson]] is here. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he’s going to say what he wants at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a [[w:Glacier|glacier]]. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.

* '''As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America — with the exception of ''Fox News''.''' ''Fox News'' gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side. But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. '''Over the last five years you people were so good — over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.'''

* But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the Decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. '''Make, announce, type.''' Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. '''You know — ''fiction''.'''

* Then you write, "Oh, they're just [[w:Rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic|rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic]]." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is ''soaring''. '''If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the ''[[w:Hindenburg disaster|Hindenburg]]''.'''

* The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. '''He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday — no matter what happened [[w: September 11 attacks|Tuesday]].'''

* And though I am a committed Christian, '''I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion — be you Hindu, Jewish, or Muslim, I believe there are infinite paths to accepting [[Jesus Christ]] as your personal savior.'''

* By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got [[w:Frank Rich|Frank Rich]], but we can bump him. And I mean ''bump him''. I know a guy. Say the word.

* Ambassador [[w:Zhou Wenzhong|Zhou Wenzhong]], welcome! Your great country [of China] makes our Happy Meals possible!

* '''I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in [[w:Cirque du Soleil|Cirque du Soleil]].''' It was magical.

* Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my ''right'' as an ''American''.

* '''And I just like the guy. He's a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half, and polls show America agrees.'''
** On [[George W. Bush]].

=== [[w:The O'Reilly Factor|The O'Reilly Factor]], January 2007 ===
:'''Stephen:''' I spend so much time in the world that is spinning all the time, that to be in the no-spin zone actually gives me vertigo.

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Stephen:''' They're ''[[w:New York Times|New York Times]]'', [[Bill O'Reilly (commentator)|Bill]]! They hate [[George W. Bush|George Bush]], of course they're gonna hate you! They're haters, Bill!

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Stephen:''' We on my show, and by "we" I mean ME!

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Stephen:''' Absolutely! You have to be high to understand [[Jon Stewart]].

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Stephen:''' I do fear bears. They're giant, marauding, Godless killing machines!

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Stephen:''' You know what I hate about people who criticize you? They criticize what you say, but they never give you credit for how loud you say it. Or how long you say it.

<hr width=50%/>
:'''Stephen:''' I wanna thank you for not asking me about that thing we pre-agreed you wouldn't ask me about.

=== [[w:58th Primetime Emmy Awards|58th Primetime Emmy Awards]]===
[[File:Stephen Colbert at 2008 Emmy Awards.jpg|thumb|right|Good evening, godless sodomites.]]
: Shrine Auditorium, Los Angeles, California (27 August 2006)
:''[presenting the award for best reality/competition show]''
:'''[[Jon Stewart]]''': Thank you very much, it's a pleasure to be here tonight.
:'''Stephen Colbert''': Good evening, godless sodomites.
:'''Stewart''': ''[pause]'' What're you — what're you doing?
:'''Colbert''': I'm bringing the truth, Jon. We're in Hollywood, the belly of the beast.
:'''Stewart''': You can't just — you can't just read the prompter?
:'''Colbert''': I'm reading the prompter in here. ''[points to his heart]'' You can read that pablum.
:'''Stewart''': Award-show banter is not pablum! ''[reading from the prompter; reluctantly]'' "Reality television celebrates the human condition... by ''[mumbling]'' illuminating what's extraordinary in the ordinary person."
:'''Colbert''': ''[firmly]'' It warps the mind of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.
:'''Stewart''': ''[still mumbling]'' "The results are often dramatic and always unexpected. We're here to honor achievement in that category."
:'''Colbert''': By giving you a golden idol to worship! ''[points at the giant Emmy statue next to the stage]'' KNEEL BEFORE YOUR GOD, BABYLON!
:'''Stewart''': This is, uh... this is about the Manilow thing, isn't it?
:'''Colbert''': I lost to [[w:Barry Manilow|BARRY MANILOW]]! Barry Manilow! I lost to the Copacabana! Singing and dancing is not "performing"! Wolverine I could've lost to — he's got claws for hands!
:'''Stewart''': All right.
:'''Colbert''': Can I hold one of yours?
:'''Stewart''': No! The nominees are...
:*Earlier in the evening, Colbert had been beaten in the [[w:58th Primetime Emmy Awards#Outstanding Individual Performance in a Variety or Music Program|Outstanding Individual Performance]] category by Barry Manilow.

===''Late Show with Stephen Colbert''==
*'''Colbert''': ''[imitating Stephen Miller]'' [[Robert Oppenheimer|I am become death, destroyer of worlds]]. Kneel before Zod.

==Quotes about Colbert==
[[File:Tim & Stephen hanging out for a minute..png|thumb|right|He was always the smartest guy in the room, and he was always smart enough not to let you know he was the smartest guy in the room.]]

* I was motivated to play [[w:Dungeons & Dragons|Dungeons & Dragons]]. I mean highly, highly motivated to play it. Every day, if I could find someone to play with me. If I couldn't find someone to play with me, I would work on my player character.
* I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way. But, in sort of a James Bond-ian kind of explosives in the gas tank of his car kind of way.
:*Stephen Colbert [http://www.ign.com/articles/2003/08/11/an-interview-with-stephen-colbert An interview with Stephen Colbert]

*'''He's like a living wall of encyclopedias that like to drink beer.'''
**[[w:Paul Dinello|Paul Dinello]], quoted in ''Current Biography'' article, (November 2006)

* It's one thing for an asshole to play an asshole. But your basic decency can't be hidden.
**[[Jon Stewart]], speaking to Colbert, in [http://www.rollingstone.com/tv/news/americas-anchors-20061116 "America's Anchors" in ''Rolling Stone'' (31 October 2006)]

* '''Part of the joy of being in character is being able to get away with things others cannot.''' Though a lot of that is that [he] is so high on Nyquil you never know what he's going to do.
**Jon Stewart, [http://www.nofactzone.net/?p=1384 ''Philadelphia Inquirer'' interview] (22 April 2007)]

* '''He's able to create a universe where something surreal happens on the program that seems ordinary, and all of a sudden the absurd appears not mundane but expected, organic...''' So he can have a conversation with [[w:Richard Holbrooke|Richard Holbrooke]] and [[Willie Nelson]] and it all makes perfect sense and yet it couldn't appear anywhere else without appearing burlesque. '''Somehow he has managed to create a fake world that has impacted and found standing in the real world.'''
**Jon Stewart, [http://www.vanityfair.com/fame/features/2007/10/colbert200710?currentPage=2 ''Vanity Fair'' interview],( October 2007)

* '''The thing about Colbert is he's fucking brilliant... He was always the smartest guy in the room, and he was always smart enough not to let you know he was the smartest guy in the room.'''
**Scott Wherry, a long-time friend, in ''[[w:Vanity Fair|Vanity Fair]]'' (October 2007)

* His humor is an accumulation of the eccentricities, mannerisms and jokes of his ten older brothers and sisters, a medley that trickled down.
**''Colbert Report'' staffer, in [http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/12271521/cover_story_americas_anchors_jon_stewart_and_stephen_colbert/print "America's Anchors" in ''Rolling Stone'' (31 October 2006)]

==See also==
* ''[[The Colbert Report]]''
* ''[[The Daily Show]]''
* ''[[I Am America (And So Can You!)]]''
* ''[[Strangers With Candy]]''
* ''[[Wigfield]]''

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

* {{imdb name|id=0170306|name=Stephen Colbert}}
* {{imdb title|id=0166039|name=Exit 57}}
* [http://www.colbertnation.com Colbert Nation]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Colbert, Stephen}}

[[Category:Comedians]]
[[Category:Television personalities]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2008]]

{{political-stub}}

[[bg:Стивън Колбърт]]
[[fa:استیون کلبر]]
[[fr:Stephen Colbert]]
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John Adams (miniseries)

2017-02-24T17:47:57Z

StjJackson: /* Independence [2] */

{{italic title}}
[[File:Adamstrumbull.jpg|thumb|I have no attachment to any country but my own. ~ John Adams]]
[[File:US flag 13 stars.svg|thumb|Liberty will reign in America! ~ John Adams]]
[[File:George_III_(by_Allan_Ramsay).jpg|thumb|God damn the King! ~ Samuel Adams]]
'''''[[w:John Adams (miniseries)|John Adams]]''''' is a [[w:2008 in film|2008 HBO miniseries]] on the life of [[John Adams]] and the first 50 years of the United States.
:''Directed by [[w:Tom Hooper|Tom Hooper]]. Written by [[w:Kirk Ellis|Kirk Ellis]], based on the book by [[w:David McCullough|David McCullough]].''
<center>'''Join or Die.'''</center>
{{tv-stub}}
== ''Join or Die'' [1] ==
:'''Abigail Adams''': You do not need to quote great men to show you are one.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': Liberty will reign in America!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': [''on clubs used for beating out rope''] Could they not also be used for beating out men's brains?!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': Facts are very stubborn things.

== ''Independence'' [2] ==

:'''Edward Rutledge''': South Carolina, on behalf of its sister colonies ...
:'''John Adams''': STATES!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Hancock''': The Proclamation by King George III. "Many of our subjects, mislead by a desperate conspiracy of dangerous and ill-designing men, have forgotten the allegiance which they owe to the power that has protected and supported them and have declared rebellion and traitorously levied war against us. It is a better part of wisdom to put a speedy end to such disorders. We have thought fit to issue a royal proclamation that all our royal officers, both civil and military, are obliged to suppress such rebellion and bring the traitors to justice. When the unhappy and deluded multitude against whom this force shall be directed shall become sensible of their error, I shall be ready to receive the misled with tenderness and mercy. For those who persist in their treason...''[shocked]'' for those who persist in their treason, the punishment shall be death by hanging. Given in parliament this 26th day of October in the year, 1775...God save the King."
:'''Samuel Adams''': ''[furious]'' God...''damn'' the King!
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': God bless the King. Who else could've brought such a spirit of unity to the Congress?

:'''John Adams''': Objects of the most stupendous magnitude. Measures which will affect the lives of millions, born and unborn are now before us. We must expect a great expense of blood to obtain them but we must always remember that a free constitution of civil government cannot be purchased a too dear a rate as there is nothing on this side of Jerusalem, of greater importance to mankind. [[w:John Dickinson (Pennsylvania and Delaware)|My worthy colleague from Pennsylvania]] has spoken with great ingenuity and eloquence. He's given you a grim prognostication of our national future, but where he foresees apocalypse I see hope. I see a new nation ready to take its place in the world. Not an empire, but a republic. And a republic of laws, not men. Gentlemen, we are in the very midst of revolution. The most complete unexpected and remarkable of any in the history of the world. How few of the human race have ever had an opportunity of choosing a system of government for themselves, and their children. I am not without apprehensions, gentlemen. But the end that we have in sight is more than worth all the means. My belief says that the hour has come. My judgment approves this measure and my whole heart is in it. All that I have, all that I am and all that I hope in this life, I am now ready to stake upon it. While I'll live, let me have a country. A free country.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': My dearest friend, the break is made and now our work begins. You will think me transported with enthusiasm but I am not. I am well aware of the toil and blood and treasure that it will cost us to maintain this Declaration and support and defend these states. It is the will of Heaven that the two countries should be sundered forever. It may be the will of Heaven that America shall suffer calamities still more wasting and distresses yet more dreadful. Yet through all the gloom, I can see the rays of ravishing light and glory and that posterity will triumph in that day's transaction.

== ''Don't Tread on Me'' [3] ==

:'''Abigail "Nabby"''': Why do boys have all the pleasure?
:'''Abigail Adams:''' Because we let them.
...
:'''Abigail "Nabby"''': When they get back, we shall be very strict with them.
:'''Abagail Adams''': When they get back, we shall be far too lenient with them

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': All of Paris is a school, master Adams. A young man need only to avail himself of the lessons.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': Our independence cannot be achieved if we are to be nothing more than a pawn in France’s never-ending game with our common enemy.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': Have you learned nothing, Mr. Adams? If you continue to exasperate and antagonize these people--
:'''John Adams''': As I did in Philadelphia and we declared independence, you recall.
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': In Philadelphia we ''negotiated'' independence.
:'''John Adams''': Well, you may be as patient and accommodating as you like, doctor, but for myself, I will not voluntarily put on the chains of France while I am struggling to throw off those of Great Britain!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': You know, it is universally believed that dr. Franklin has accomplished our revolution entirely by himself with a simple wave of his electric wand. Whatever merits he may have as a philosopher, as a legislator he has done very little, sir. Very little indeed.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': If ever there was a natural alliance, surely it is between the republics of the Netherlands and the United States. The Dutch first gave asylum to the pilgrims. New York and New Jersey were first settled by your countrymen.
:'''Dutch Banker''': May I remind you, that the Netherlands were a republic long before America was even an idea?
:'''John Adams''': Indeed. Indeed, sir. If I may, America and Holland are so close, in history, in religion, in government, that every Dutchman instructed in the subject must pronounce the American Revolution just and necessary, or pass censure on the greatest actions of his immortal ancestors.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dutch Banker''': There are rumours, that America will settle for a negotiated peace.
:'''John Adams''': No, sir. No. No, the only acceptable outcome is complete and irrevocable independence.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': The charge of vanity is the last refuge of little wits and of mercenary quacks! I have long learned, that a man may give offense, and he may still succeed!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Abigail “Nabby”''': Is the war over?
:'''Abigail Adams''': Not while there is a single British soldier remaining in America. But they cannot hold on for long. Not after this. God be praised, and General Washington.

== ''Reunion'' [4] ==

:'''Abigail Adams''': Well, I have been in France for such a short time. It would be unfair to pass sentence or form judgement.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Which implies that you've already done both.
:'''Abigail Adams''': Well, if I had, Mr. Jefferson, I would only offer them after my further experience had shown my wisdom, or the error of my ways.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': An admirable caution.
:'''John Adams''': Yes, and highly uncharacteristic, I assure you.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Abigail Adams''': Paris is unique.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Yes, and best enjoyed in the company of women.
:'''Abigail Adams''': Women would add interest to many things, Mr. Jefferson, if men would allow it.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Well, that has been my experience, Ms. Adams.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I've resolved to renounce embarrassment in favor of enjoyment

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': The English love an insult. It's their only test of a man's sincerity.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I expect that any constitutional document that emerges from Philadelphia will be as compromised as our Declaration of Independency. I am increasingly persuaded that the Earth belongs exclusively to the living, and that one generation has no more right to bind another to its laws and judgements, than one independent nation has the right to command another.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': It is no small thing to build a new world, gentlemen. We have our republic. We must endeavour to keep it, if we can.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': I shall esteem myself the happiest of men if I can be instrumental in restoring the confidence and affection - or in better words, the good old nature and the good old humour, between peoples who, though separated by an ocean and under different governments, have the same language, the same religion, and kindred blood.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''George III''': There is an opinion among some people, Mr. Adams, that you are not the most attached of all your countrymen to the manners of France.
:'''John Adams''': Yes, well, I avow to your majesty that I have no attachment to any country but my own.
:'''George III''': An honest man will never have any other.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': Abigail. Here's a fine culmination to all my years of service - fewer than half the votes of the electoral college. General Washington is unanimously acclaimed President with 69 votes, whereas I apparently am scorned by all but 34 of the electors.
:'''Abigail Adams''': John, there are two, four, six, eight, ten other names here. You have more votes than all of them put together. And John Jay comes in third with nine.
:'''John Adams''': Nonetheless, I consider - I consider such a showing a stain upon my character.
:'''Abigail Adams''': John!
:'''John Adams''': I will not and I cannot accept it.
:'''Abigail Adams''': John... You are vice president now.

== ''Unite or Die'' [5] ==

:'''John Adams''': I have seen what the future holds, Abigail. Men and manners, principles, opinions. They've altered very much in this country. Authority is our only protection against discord, civil war and sedition. Now the office of the president, no doubt, is sufficient to establish such authority. But we must not be surprised if we ever find we need a monarch -
:'''Abigail Adams''': Oh! You would do well -
:'''John Adams''': - to keep us from coming asunder!
:'''Abigail Adams''': - to keep your thoughts to yourself, John! People will say that your mind has been tainted by foreign courts. They are already saying such things in Boston.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I've been, as you know, in revolutionary France, where the streets are filled with the songs of Liberty and Brotherhood, and the overthrow of ancient tyrannies of Europe. And to return from there to this, our cradle of revolution, and find the dinner table chatter is all of money, and banks, and authority, is an unwelcome surprise.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Unwelcome perhaps, but necessary.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': The future prosperity of this nation rests chiefly in trade. Trade depends, among other things, on the willingness of other nations to lend us money.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': And how would you propose to establish international credit?
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Our first step would be to incur a national debt. The greater the debt, the greater the credit. And to that end I have recommended to the president that Congress adopt all the debts incurred by the individual states during the war through a national bank. The idea being that if the states owe Congress money, then other nations will feel more inclined to lend it to us.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': If the states are indebted to a central authority, it increases the power of the central government.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': There you have it exactly. The greater the government's responsibility, the greater its authority.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': The moneyed interest in this country is all in the north, so the wealth and power would inevitably be concentrated there in a federal government. To the expense of the south.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': If that is the case, it is unavoidable if the Union is to be preserved.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I fear our revolution will have been in vain if a Virginia farmer is to be held in hock to a New York stock jobber, who in turn is in hock to a London banker. The opportunities for avarice and corruption would certainly prove irresistible.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Well there you have it, as I have heard said, "If men were angels then no government would be necessary."

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Our constitution has many good articles, and some bad ones. I do not know yet which predominate.
:'''John Adams''': Well without this government our republic would have collapsed into anarchy long ago.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': With this government, I am not certain that we are a republic.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Well... to the revolution.
:'''John Adams''': Whose?
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': [''angrily''] They are one and the same, John! Are they not?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': Mr. President.
:'''George Washington''': Mr. President.
:'''John Adams''': Thank you, sir. Thank you.
:'''George Washington''': I am fairly out, and you are fairly in. See which of us will be the happiest.

== ''Unnecessary War'' [6] ==

:'''John Adams''': Oh, surely you and I, Thomas, can rise above the din of politics.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Nowhere is the din of politics greater than in your own cabinet, which you have inherited from Washington without making a single change. They are Hamilton's men - they are determined upon a course of war with France.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''James McHenry''': War is inevitable, sir.
:'''John Adams''': No, war is never inevitable. It must be the course of last resort. How great would be the guilt of an unnecessary war?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': These war measures will protect us from insurrection and subversion.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': There is no war.
:'''John Adams''': And that is the principle behind these measures - the prevention of war.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': You cannot protect the nation by attacking the right of every man to speak freely without fear. You're trampling on the constitution. The states will have no alternative but to resist these measures, which are an assault on the liberty of their people.
:'''John Adams''': Yes, but the people's representatives demanded these acts. Would you have me deaf to the voice of the people?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': If we're forced to rely on incompetent state militias for our defense, we may as well start learning French now, Mr. President. ''[chuckling]'' A national army binds the country much as a national bank does.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Let us not forget there are those in our own country, sir, who would prefer secession to our continued Union. If they should be so bold as to act on their threats, in the event, say, of a French victory, we must be prepared to bring the renegades back into the fold by force if necessary.
:'''John Adams''': Never in my life have I heard a man speak more like a fool. Your actions, Mr. Hamilton, would precipitate the very thing that you pretend to protect against; the dissolution of this nation.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Timothy Pickering''': Why on earth would you disband the army when we are preparing for war?
:'''John Adams''': Why on earth do we need an army when we are preparing for peace?
:'''Timothy Pickering''': You must abandon this folly of a renewed peace commission--
:'''John Adams''': You may think it folly, Mr. Pickering. I do not.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': You, sirs, are subservient to Hamilton, who ruled General Washington and would rule me, if he could. Mr. Jefferson, whom you despise, is an infinitely better man. ''[shouting]'' I would rather be vice-president under him or resident minister to the Barbary pirates than be indebted to a creature such as Hamilton for my present post!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Abigail Adams''': Half-fed slaves building our nation's capital. What possible good can come from such a place?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': If the Federalist conspirators are allowed to defeat this election, there will be resistance by force, and the consequences could be incalculable.
:'''John Adams''': The outcome of this election is within your power. You would do well to quiet your revolutionary notions, Thomas. You have only to say that you will not turn out the government's officers, will maintain the navy, that you will honor the national debt -all of which the Federalists hold dear- and the government will instantly be in your hands.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I will not enter office but in perfect freedom to follow the dictates of my own judgment.

== ''Peacefield'' [7] ==
:'''John Adams''': I consider the true history of our revolution to be lost forever.

Ending Narrative

:'''John Adams''': My dearest friend, whether I stand high or low in the estimation of the world, my conscious is clear. I thank God I have you as a partner in all the joys and sorrows, all the prosperities and adversities of my life, to take a part with me in the struggle...
:'''Mrs Adams''': Should I draw you the picture of my heart, you would know with what indescribable pleasure I have seen so many scores of years roll over our heads, with an affection heightened and improved by time. Nor have the dreary years of absence in the smallest degree effaced from my mind the image of the dear untitled man to whom I gave my heart. You could not be, nor did I wish to see you, an inactive spectator...
:'''John Adams''': Oh posterity, you will never know how much it cost us to preserve your freedom. I hope that you will make a good use of it, for if you do not, I shall repent in Heaven that I ever took half the pains to preserve it.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Paul Giamatti|Paul Giamatti]] - [[John Adams]]
* [[w:Laura Linney|Laura Linney]] - [[Abigail Adams]]
* [[w:David Morse|David Morse]] - [[George Washington]]
* [[w:Clancy O'Connor|Clancy O'Connor]] - [[w:Edward Rutledge|Edward Rutledge]]
* [[w:Sarah Polley|Sarah Polley]] - Abigail 'Nabby' Adams
* [[w:Rufus Sewell|Rufus Sewell]] - [[w:Alexander Hamilton|Alexander Hamilton]]
* [[w:Justin Theroux|Justin Theroux]] - [[w:John Hancock|John Hancock]]
* [[w:Tom Wilkinson|Tom Wilkinson]] - [[Benjamin Franklin]]
* [[w:Danny Huston|Danny Huston]] - [[Samuel Adams]]
* [[w:Stephen Dillane|Stephen Dillane]] - [[Thomas Jefferson]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0472027|title=John Adams}}
* {{tv.com show|75065|John Adams}}
* The official [http://www.hbo.com/films/johnadams/ site]

[[Category:HBO shows]]
[[Category:Documentary television series and miniseries]]
[[Category:Television programs based on books]]
[[Category:Television series based on actual events]]
[[Category:American TV shows]]

John Adams (miniseries)

2017-02-24T17:36:37Z

StjJackson: /* Independence [2] */

{{italic title}}
[[File:Adamstrumbull.jpg|thumb|I have no attachment to any country but my own. ~ John Adams]]
[[File:US flag 13 stars.svg|thumb|Liberty will reign in America! ~ John Adams]]
[[File:George_III_(by_Allan_Ramsay).jpg|thumb|God damn the King! ~ Samuel Adams]]
'''''[[w:John Adams (miniseries)|John Adams]]''''' is a [[w:2008 in film|2008 HBO miniseries]] on the life of [[John Adams]] and the first 50 years of the United States.
:''Directed by [[w:Tom Hooper|Tom Hooper]]. Written by [[w:Kirk Ellis|Kirk Ellis]], based on the book by [[w:David McCullough|David McCullough]].''
<center>'''Join or Die.'''</center>
{{tv-stub}}
== ''Join or Die'' [1] ==
:'''Abigail Adams''': You do not need to quote great men to show you are one.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': Liberty will reign in America!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': [''on clubs used for beating out rope''] Could they not also be used for beating out men's brains?!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': Facts are very stubborn things.

== ''Independence'' [2] ==

:'''Edward Rutledge''': South Carolina, on behalf of its sister colonies ...
:'''John Adams''': STATES!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Hancock''': The Proclamation by King George III. "Many of our subjects, mislead by a desperate conspiracy of dangerous and ill-designing men, have forgotten the allegiance which they owe to the power that has protected and supported them and have declared rebellion and traitorously levied war against us. It is a better part of wisdom to put a speedy end to such disorders. We have thought fit to issue a royal proclamation that all our royal kings, both civil and militarily, are obliged to suppress such rebellion and bring the traitors to justice. When the unhappy and deluded multitude against whom this force shall be directed shall become sensible of their error, I shall be ready to receive the misled with tenderness and mercy. For those who persist in their treason...''[shocked]'' for those who persist in their treason, the punishment shall be death by hanging. Given in parliament this 26th day of October in the year, 1775...God save the King."
:'''Samuel Adams''': ''[furious]'' God...''damn'' the King!
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': God bless the King. Who else could've brought such a spirit of unity to the Congress?

:'''John Adams''': Objects of the most stupendous magnitude. Measures which will affect the lives of millions, born and unborn are now before us. We must expect a great expense of blood to obtain them but we must always remember that a free constitution of civil government cannot be purchased a too dear a rate as there is nothing on this side of Jerusalem, of greater importance to mankind. [[w:John Dickinson (Pennsylvania and Delaware)|My worthy colleague from Pennsylvania]] has spoken with great ingenuity and eloquence. He's given you a grim prognostication of our national future, but where he foresees apocalypse I see hope. I see a new nation ready to take its place in the world. Not an empire, but a republic. And a republic of laws, not men. Gentlemen, we are in the very midst of revolution. The most complete unexpected and remarkable of any in the history of the world. How few of the human race have ever had an opportunity of choosing a system of government for themselves, and their children. I am not without apprehensions, gentlemen. But the end that we have in sight is more than worth all the means. My belief says that the hour has come. My judgment approves this measure and my whole heart is in it. All that I have, all that I am and all that I hope in this life, I am now ready to stake upon it. While I'll live, let me have a country. A free country.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': My dearest friend, the break is made and now our work begins. You will think me transported with enthusiasm but I am not. I am well aware of the toil and blood and treasure that it will cost us to maintain this Declaration and support and defend these states. It is the will of Heaven that the two countries should be sundered forever. It may be the will of Heaven that America shall suffer calamities still more wasting and distresses yet more dreadful. Yet through all the gloom, I can see the rays of ravishing light and glory and that posterity will triumph in that day's transaction.

== ''Don't Tread on Me'' [3] ==

:'''Abigail "Nabby"''': Why do boys have all the pleasure?
:'''Abigail Adams:''' Because we let them.
...
:'''Abigail "Nabby"''': When they get back, we shall be very strict with them.
:'''Abagail Adams''': When they get back, we shall be far too lenient with them

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': All of Paris is a school, master Adams. A young man need only to avail himself of the lessons.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': Our independence cannot be achieved if we are to be nothing more than a pawn in France’s never-ending game with our common enemy.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': Have you learned nothing, Mr. Adams? If you continue to exasperate and antagonize these people--
:'''John Adams''': As I did in Philadelphia and we declared independence, you recall.
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': In Philadelphia we ''negotiated'' independence.
:'''John Adams''': Well, you may be as patient and accommodating as you like, doctor, but for myself, I will not voluntarily put on the chains of France while I am struggling to throw off those of Great Britain!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': You know, it is universally believed that dr. Franklin has accomplished our revolution entirely by himself with a simple wave of his electric wand. Whatever merits he may have as a philosopher, as a legislator he has done very little, sir. Very little indeed.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': If ever there was a natural alliance, surely it is between the republics of the Netherlands and the United States. The Dutch first gave asylum to the pilgrims. New York and New Jersey were first settled by your countrymen.
:'''Dutch Banker''': May I remind you, that the Netherlands were a republic long before America was even an idea?
:'''John Adams''': Indeed. Indeed, sir. If I may, America and Holland are so close, in history, in religion, in government, that every Dutchman instructed in the subject must pronounce the American Revolution just and necessary, or pass censure on the greatest actions of his immortal ancestors.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dutch Banker''': There are rumours, that America will settle for a negotiated peace.
:'''John Adams''': No, sir. No. No, the only acceptable outcome is complete and irrevocable independence.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': The charge of vanity is the last refuge of little wits and of mercenary quacks! I have long learned, that a man may give offense, and he may still succeed!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Abigail “Nabby”''': Is the war over?
:'''Abigail Adams''': Not while there is a single British soldier remaining in America. But they cannot hold on for long. Not after this. God be praised, and General Washington.

== ''Reunion'' [4] ==

:'''Abigail Adams''': Well, I have been in France for such a short time. It would be unfair to pass sentence or form judgement.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Which implies that you've already done both.
:'''Abigail Adams''': Well, if I had, Mr. Jefferson, I would only offer them after my further experience had shown my wisdom, or the error of my ways.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': An admirable caution.
:'''John Adams''': Yes, and highly uncharacteristic, I assure you.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Abigail Adams''': Paris is unique.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Yes, and best enjoyed in the company of women.
:'''Abigail Adams''': Women would add interest to many things, Mr. Jefferson, if men would allow it.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Well, that has been my experience, Ms. Adams.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I've resolved to renounce embarrassment in favor of enjoyment

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': The English love an insult. It's their only test of a man's sincerity.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I expect that any constitutional document that emerges from Philadelphia will be as compromised as our Declaration of Independency. I am increasingly persuaded that the Earth belongs exclusively to the living, and that one generation has no more right to bind another to its laws and judgements, than one independent nation has the right to command another.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': It is no small thing to build a new world, gentlemen. We have our republic. We must endeavour to keep it, if we can.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': I shall esteem myself the happiest of men if I can be instrumental in restoring the confidence and affection - or in better words, the good old nature and the good old humour, between peoples who, though separated by an ocean and under different governments, have the same language, the same religion, and kindred blood.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''George III''': There is an opinion among some people, Mr. Adams, that you are not the most attached of all your countrymen to the manners of France.
:'''John Adams''': Yes, well, I avow to your majesty that I have no attachment to any country but my own.
:'''George III''': An honest man will never have any other.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': Abigail. Here's a fine culmination to all my years of service - fewer than half the votes of the electoral college. General Washington is unanimously acclaimed President with 69 votes, whereas I apparently am scorned by all but 34 of the electors.
:'''Abigail Adams''': John, there are two, four, six, eight, ten other names here. You have more votes than all of them put together. And John Jay comes in third with nine.
:'''John Adams''': Nonetheless, I consider - I consider such a showing a stain upon my character.
:'''Abigail Adams''': John!
:'''John Adams''': I will not and I cannot accept it.
:'''Abigail Adams''': John... You are vice president now.

== ''Unite or Die'' [5] ==

:'''John Adams''': I have seen what the future holds, Abigail. Men and manners, principles, opinions. They've altered very much in this country. Authority is our only protection against discord, civil war and sedition. Now the office of the president, no doubt, is sufficient to establish such authority. But we must not be surprised if we ever find we need a monarch -
:'''Abigail Adams''': Oh! You would do well -
:'''John Adams''': - to keep us from coming asunder!
:'''Abigail Adams''': - to keep your thoughts to yourself, John! People will say that your mind has been tainted by foreign courts. They are already saying such things in Boston.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I've been, as you know, in revolutionary France, where the streets are filled with the songs of Liberty and Brotherhood, and the overthrow of ancient tyrannies of Europe. And to return from there to this, our cradle of revolution, and find the dinner table chatter is all of money, and banks, and authority, is an unwelcome surprise.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Unwelcome perhaps, but necessary.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': The future prosperity of this nation rests chiefly in trade. Trade depends, among other things, on the willingness of other nations to lend us money.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': And how would you propose to establish international credit?
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Our first step would be to incur a national debt. The greater the debt, the greater the credit. And to that end I have recommended to the president that Congress adopt all the debts incurred by the individual states during the war through a national bank. The idea being that if the states owe Congress money, then other nations will feel more inclined to lend it to us.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': If the states are indebted to a central authority, it increases the power of the central government.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': There you have it exactly. The greater the government's responsibility, the greater its authority.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': The moneyed interest in this country is all in the north, so the wealth and power would inevitably be concentrated there in a federal government. To the expense of the south.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': If that is the case, it is unavoidable if the Union is to be preserved.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I fear our revolution will have been in vain if a Virginia farmer is to be held in hock to a New York stock jobber, who in turn is in hock to a London banker. The opportunities for avarice and corruption would certainly prove irresistible.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Well there you have it, as I have heard said, "If men were angels then no government would be necessary."

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Our constitution has many good articles, and some bad ones. I do not know yet which predominate.
:'''John Adams''': Well without this government our republic would have collapsed into anarchy long ago.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': With this government, I am not certain that we are a republic.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Well... to the revolution.
:'''John Adams''': Whose?
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': [''angrily''] They are one and the same, John! Are they not?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': Mr. President.
:'''George Washington''': Mr. President.
:'''John Adams''': Thank you, sir. Thank you.
:'''George Washington''': I am fairly out, and you are fairly in. See which of us will be the happiest.

== ''Unnecessary War'' [6] ==

:'''John Adams''': Oh, surely you and I, Thomas, can rise above the din of politics.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Nowhere is the din of politics greater than in your own cabinet, which you have inherited from Washington without making a single change. They are Hamilton's men - they are determined upon a course of war with France.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''James McHenry''': War is inevitable, sir.
:'''John Adams''': No, war is never inevitable. It must be the course of last resort. How great would be the guilt of an unnecessary war?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': These war measures will protect us from insurrection and subversion.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': There is no war.
:'''John Adams''': And that is the principle behind these measures - the prevention of war.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': You cannot protect the nation by attacking the right of every man to speak freely without fear. You're trampling on the constitution. The states will have no alternative but to resist these measures, which are an assault on the liberty of their people.
:'''John Adams''': Yes, but the people's representatives demanded these acts. Would you have me deaf to the voice of the people?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': If we're forced to rely on incompetent state militias for our defense, we may as well start learning French now, Mr. President. ''[chuckling]'' A national army binds the country much as a national bank does.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Let us not forget there are those in our own country, sir, who would prefer secession to our continued Union. If they should be so bold as to act on their threats, in the event, say, of a French victory, we must be prepared to bring the renegades back into the fold by force if necessary.
:'''John Adams''': Never in my life have I heard a man speak more like a fool. Your actions, Mr. Hamilton, would precipitate the very thing that you pretend to protect against; the dissolution of this nation.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Timothy Pickering''': Why on earth would you disband the army when we are preparing for war?
:'''John Adams''': Why on earth do we need an army when we are preparing for peace?
:'''Timothy Pickering''': You must abandon this folly of a renewed peace commission--
:'''John Adams''': You may think it folly, Mr. Pickering. I do not.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': You, sirs, are subservient to Hamilton, who ruled General Washington and would rule me, if he could. Mr. Jefferson, whom you despise, is an infinitely better man. ''[shouting]'' I would rather be vice-president under him or resident minister to the Barbary pirates than be indebted to a creature such as Hamilton for my present post!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Abigail Adams''': Half-fed slaves building our nation's capital. What possible good can come from such a place?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': If the Federalist conspirators are allowed to defeat this election, there will be resistance by force, and the consequences could be incalculable.
:'''John Adams''': The outcome of this election is within your power. You would do well to quiet your revolutionary notions, Thomas. You have only to say that you will not turn out the government's officers, will maintain the navy, that you will honor the national debt -all of which the Federalists hold dear- and the government will instantly be in your hands.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I will not enter office but in perfect freedom to follow the dictates of my own judgment.

== ''Peacefield'' [7] ==
:'''John Adams''': I consider the true history of our revolution to be lost forever.

Ending Narrative

:'''John Adams''': My dearest friend, whether I stand high or low in the estimation of the world, my conscious is clear. I thank God I have you as a partner in all the joys and sorrows, all the prosperities and adversities of my life, to take a part with me in the struggle...
:'''Mrs Adams''': Should I draw you the picture of my heart, you would know with what indescribable pleasure I have seen so many scores of years roll over our heads, with an affection heightened and improved by time. Nor have the dreary years of absence in the smallest degree effaced from my mind the image of the dear untitled man to whom I gave my heart. You could not be, nor did I wish to see you, an inactive spectator...
:'''John Adams''': Oh posterity, you will never know how much it cost us to preserve your freedom. I hope that you will make a good use of it, for if you do not, I shall repent in Heaven that I ever took half the pains to preserve it.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Paul Giamatti|Paul Giamatti]] - [[John Adams]]
* [[w:Laura Linney|Laura Linney]] - [[Abigail Adams]]
* [[w:David Morse|David Morse]] - [[George Washington]]
* [[w:Clancy O'Connor|Clancy O'Connor]] - [[w:Edward Rutledge|Edward Rutledge]]
* [[w:Sarah Polley|Sarah Polley]] - Abigail 'Nabby' Adams
* [[w:Rufus Sewell|Rufus Sewell]] - [[w:Alexander Hamilton|Alexander Hamilton]]
* [[w:Justin Theroux|Justin Theroux]] - [[w:John Hancock|John Hancock]]
* [[w:Tom Wilkinson|Tom Wilkinson]] - [[Benjamin Franklin]]
* [[w:Danny Huston|Danny Huston]] - [[Samuel Adams]]
* [[w:Stephen Dillane|Stephen Dillane]] - [[Thomas Jefferson]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0472027|title=John Adams}}
* {{tv.com show|75065|John Adams}}
* The official [http://www.hbo.com/films/johnadams/ site]

[[Category:HBO shows]]
[[Category:Documentary television series and miniseries]]
[[Category:Television programs based on books]]
[[Category:Television series based on actual events]]
[[Category:American TV shows]]

Gettysburg (film)

2017-02-18T17:27:43Z

StjJackson: /* Brig. Gen. Lewis Armistead */

'''''[[w:Gettysburg (1993 film)|Gettysburg]]''''' is a 1993 film based on the novel ''[[w:The Killer Angels|The Killer Angels]]'' by [[w:Michael Shaara|Michael Shaara]], depicting the Battle of Gettysburg in 1863. It was followed up by the prequel film ''[[Gods and Generals (film)|Gods and Generals]]'' in 2003.
::::::::::'''Directed and written by [[w:Ronald F. Maxwell|Ronald F. Maxwell]].'''

[[File:High Water Mark from Gettysburg.PNG|thumb|right|Same Land. Same God. Different Dreams.]]
==Taglines==
* Same Land. Same God. Different Dreams.

*Fate made them soldiers. War made them brothers. Courage made them Heroes.

== Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain ==
[[File:Union soldiers entrenched along the west bank of the Rappahannock River at Fredericksburg, Virginia (111-B-157).jpg|thumb|All of us volunteered to fight for the Union, just as you did. Some came mainly because we were bored at home, thought this looked like it might be fun. Some came because we were ashamed not to. Many of us came because it was the right thing to do. ~ Joshua Chamberlain]]
[[File:1st Minnesota at Gettysburg.jpg|thumb|This is a different kind of army. If you look back through history, you will see men fighting for pay, for women, for some other kind of loot. They fight for land, power, because a king leads them or, or just because they like killing. But we are here for something new. This has not happened much in the history of the world. We are an army out to set other men free. ~ Joshua Chamberlain]]
[[File:U.S. flag (34 stars).svg|thumb|America should be free ground - all of it. Not divided by a line between slave state and free, all the way from here to the Pacific Ocean. No man has to bow. No man born to royalty. Here, we judge you by what you do, not by who your father was. Here, you can be something. Here, is the place to build a home. But it's not the land. There's always more land. It's the idea that we all have value - you and me. What we're fighting for, in the end, we're fighting for each other. ~ Joshua Chamberlain]]
[[File:20th Maine Monument, Little Round Top, Gettysburg Battlefield, Pennsylvania.jpg|thumb|We can't run away. If we stay here we can't shoot. So lets fix bayonets. ~ Joshua Chamberlain]]
* Gentlemen. ''We'' are the flank.

* Hold to the last. To the last what? Exercise in rhetoric. Last shell? Last man? Last foot of ground? Last Reb?

* Mutiny. I thought that was a word for the navy.

* It doesn't make sense; hold a gun on a man to get him to fight.

* ''[examining his sword scabbard which was hit by a bullet and bent badly]'' I'll be damned.

* You men gather round. I've been talking with, uh, Pvt Bucklin, he's told me about your problem. There's nothing I can do today. We'll be moving out in a few minutes, we'll be moving all day. I've been ordered to take you men with me. I'm told that, uh, that if you don't come, I can shoot you. Well, you know I won't do that. Maybe somebody else will, but I won't, so, that's that. Uh here's the, uh, situation. The whole Reb army is up that road a ways, waitin' for us, so this is no time for an argument like this, I tell ya. We could surely use you fellas, we're now well below half strength. Whether you fight, or not, that's......that's up to you. Whether you come along is, is.....well, you're comin'.You know who we are and what we're doing here, but if you want to fight along side us, there's some things I want you to know. This regiment was formed last summer in Maine. There were a thousand of us then. There are less than three hundred of us now. All of us volunteered to fight for the Union, just as you did. Some came mainly because we were bored at home, thought this looked like it might be fun. Some came because we were ashamed not to. Many of us came because it was the right thing to do. All of us have seen men die. This is a different kind of army. If you look back through history, you will see men fighting for pay, for women, for some other kind of loot. They fight for land, power, because a king leads them or, or just because they like killing. But we are here for something new. This has not happened much in the history of the world. We are an army out to set other men free.America should be free ground - all of it. Not divided by a line between slave state and free, all the way from here to the Pacific Ocean. No man has to bow. No man born to royalty. Here, we judge you by what you do, not by who your father was. Here, you can be something. Here, is the place to build a home. But it's not the land. There's always more land. It's the idea that we all have value - you and me. What we're fighting for, in the end, we're fighting for each other. Sorry, I, uh, didn't mean to preach. You, uh, you go ahead. You talk for awhile. Uh, if you, uh, if you choose to join us, you want your muskets back, you can have 'em. Nothing more will be said by anybody anywhere. If you, uh, choose not to join us, well you can come along under guard, and when this is all over I will do what I can to see you get a fair treatment. But for now, we're moving out. Gentlemen, I think if we lose this fight, we lose the war. So if you choose to join us, I'll be personally very grateful.

* We can't run away. If we stay here we can't shoot. So lets fix bayonets.

== Gen. Robert E. Lee ==

* It's my fault.

[[File:Conf dead chancellorsville edit1.jpg|thumb|right|If they fight, we must fight with them. And does it matter after all who wins? Was that ever really the question?]]
* ''(thinking)'' In the morning is the great battle. Tomorrow or the next day will determine the war. Virginia is here. All the South is here. What will you do tomorrow? In the morning the enemy will be up in fortified positions on high ground. Longstreet's corps will be coming up and my boys will be ready to finish the job. If I tell them to withdraw now? No, sir. They've been patient for far too long. With the enemy out there up on the hill, they'll be ready to finish the job. But I don't even know how much is up there. How many men? How many cannon? I don't know the ground or the flanks. I don't know. If I wait in the morning, the early morning, maybe Meade, under pressure, will attack. That would make General Longstreet very happy. But I don't think Meade will come down. And I don't think I can withdraw, so, God's will, thy will be done.

* [''to Longstreet, on the nature of the army]'' Soldiering has one great trap. To be a good soldier, you must love the army. To be a good commander, you must be willing to order the death of the thing you love. We do not fear our own death, you and I. But there comes a time... we are never quite prepared for so many to die. Oh, we do expect the occasional empty chair, the salute to fallen comrades. But this war goes on, and the men die, and the price gets ever higher. We are prepared to lose some of us, but we are never prepared to lose all of us. And there is the great trap, General: When you attack, you must hold nothing back. You must commit yourself totally. We are adrift here in a sea of blood, and I want it to end. I want ''this'' to be the final battle.

*[''just before Pickett's Charge''] With General Longstreet in command, my old war horse, meeting the enemy face to face on ground of his own choosing, and with honour, ''we will prevail!''

* They do not die for us. Not for us. That at least is a blessing. If this war goes on, and it will... it will... what else can we do but go on, you and I? It's always the same question forever. What else can we do? '''If they fight, we must fight with them. And does it matter after all who wins?''' Was that ever really the question?

== Lt. Gen. James Longstreet ==
* I don't like going in without Pickett. It's like going in with one boot off. I'll wait as long as I can before sending my boys in.

* We should've freed the slaves, ''then'' fired on Fort Sumter.

* I guess we Southerners and you English have at least one thing in common. We'd rather lose the war than admit to the mistake.
[[File:Pickett's Charge defence.png|thumb|right|No fifteen thousand men, ever made, can take that ridge.]]
* If they get batteries up there, we're gonna need buckets to catch the lead.

* Place the guns! Bring up the guns!

* I must tell you now, I believe this attack will fail. No fifteen thousand men, ever made, can take that ridge.

* ''(to his spy, Harrison, just before Pickett's Charge)'' You know what's gonna happen? I'll tell you what's gonna happen. Troops are now forming behind the line of trees. When they come out, they'll be under enemy long-range artillery fire. Solid shot. Percussion. Every gun they have. Troops will come out under fire with more than a mile to walk. And still, within the open field, among the range of aimed muskets. They'll be slowed by that fence out there, and the formation - what's left of it - will begin to come apart. When they cross that road, they'll be under short-range artillery. Canister fire. Thousands of little bits of shrapnel wiping the holes in the lines. If they get to the wall without breaking up, there won't be many left. A mathematical equation... But maybe, just maybe, our own artillery will break up their defenses. There's always that hope. ''(he sighs)'' That's Hancock out there, and he ain't gonna run. So it's mathematical after all. If they get to that road, or beyond it, we'll suffer over fifty percent casualties. But, Harrison...I don't believe my boys will reach that wall.

== Brig. Gen. Lewis Armistead ==

* Father, into your hands, I commend my spirit.

* Virginians! Virginians! For your lands! For your homes! For your sweethearts! For your wives! For...Virginia! Forward...''march!''

* ''[reaches the fence, noticing a soldier cowering nearby]'' Come on, boy, come on! What will you think of yourself tomorrow? Virginians! Virginians! ''[Impales his hat on his sword]'' We'll stay! Who will come with me?!

[[File:Armistead's last stand.png|thumb|right|The day is ours, men! Turn the cannons on them! Turn the cannons!]]
* The day is ours, men! Turn the cannons on them! Turn the cannons! ''[jumps off the stone wall and places his hand on a cannon]'' Man this cannon! Man this cannon!

* ''(last words)'' Will you tell General Hancock that General Armistead sends his regrets? Will you tell him how very sorry I am?

* ''[to Col. Fremantle, on the irony of [[w:George Armistead|his uncle]] defending the original "Star Spangled Banner" at Ft. McHenry in 1814]'' Colonel Fremantle, it does not begin or end with my uncle, or myself. We're all sons of Virginia here. That major out there, commanding the cannon - that's James Dearing, first in his class at West Point, before Virginia seceded. And the boy over there with the color guard - that's Private Robert Tyler Jones. [[John Tyler|His grandfather]] was President of the United States. The colonel behind me - that's Colonel William Aylett. Now, his great-grandfather was the Virginian, [[Patrick Henry]]. It was Patrick Henry who said to your [[w:George III of the United Kingdom|King George III]], "Give me liberty, or give me death." There are boys here from Norfolk, Portsmouth, small hamlets along the James River... from Charlottesville and Fredericksburg, to the Shenandoah Valley. Mostly, they're all veteran soldiers now; the cowards and shirkers are long gone. Every man here knows his duty. They would make this charge, even without an officer to lead them. They know the gravity of the situation, and the mettle of their foe. They know that this day's work will be desperate and deadly. They know, that for many of them, this will be their last charge. But not one of them needs to be told what is expected of him. They're all willing to make the supreme sacrifice - to achieve victory, here... the crowning victory... and the end of this war. We are all here, Colonel. You may tell them, when you return to your country, that all Virginia was here on this day.

== Maj. Gen. George Pickett ==

* Hello, my bully boys! Virginia has arrived!

* ''[Responding to an order to form a defensive position after his division has been slaughtered]'' General Lee, I have no division.

* For the glory of Virginia, form your brigade.

* Up, men! Up! And to your posts! And let no man forget today that you are from old Virginia!

* You know I consider it unbecomin' to a soldier, all this booklearnin'.

* ''[As Armistead leads the charge to the stone wall]'' That's the style, Lo! ''[Raises his hat in the air]'' THAT'S THE STYLE!!

* ''[As smoke obscures the charge]'' What's happenin'? I can't see what's happenin' to my boys. WHAT'S HAPPENIN' TO MY BOYS?!

== Other ==
* '''Narrator:''' In June 1863, after more than two years of bloody conflict, the Confederate Army of Northern Virginia, Robert E. Lee commanding, slips across the Potomac to begin the invasion of the North. It is an army of 70,000 men. They move slowly behind the Blue Ridge using the mountains to screen their movements. Their objective is to draw the Union army out into the open where it can be destroyed. Late in June, the Union Army of the Potomac, 80,000 men, turns north from Virginia to begin the great pursuit up the narrow roads across Maryland and into Pennsylvania. General Lee knows that a letter has been prepared by the Southern government; a letter which offers peace. It is to be placed on the desk of Abraham Lincoln, President of the United States, the day after Lee has destroyed the Army of the Potomac somewhere north of Washington.

[[File:WarrenStatueGettysburg.jpg|thumb|right|The line runs all the way from here back to Cemetary Hill. But it ends here.]]
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* '''Cpl. Glazier Estabrook:''' Colonel, sir. You know who this 2nd Maine man is? Dan Burns from Orono. I know his daddy, the preacher. Best darn cusser I've ever heard. Knows more fine swear words than any man in Maine.

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* '''Lt. Col. Arthur Fremantle:''' You call yourselves Americans, but you're really just transplanted Englishmen.

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* '''Maj. Gen. Winfield Scott Hancock:''' There are times when a corps commander's life does not count.

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* '''Maj. Gen Isaac Trimble:''' ''[to Lee, after the first day]'' Sir, I said to General Ewell these words. I said to him: "Sir, give me one division and I will take that hill." He said nothing. He just stood there and stared at me. I said, "General Ewell, give me one brigade and I will take that hill." I was becoming disturbed, sir. And General Ewell put his arms behind him and blinked. So I said, "General, give me one ''regiment'' and I will take that hill." And he said ''nothing''! He just ''stood'' there! I threw down my sword. Down on the ground in front of him. We could have done it, sir. A blind man should have seen it. Now they're working up there. You can hear the axes of the federal troops. And so in the morning many a good boy will die... taking that hill. Sir, I must request another assignment.

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* '''Maj. Gen. John Reynolds:''' ''(last words)'' Forward, for God's sake, forward!

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* ''' Col. Strong Vincent:''' You are the extreme left of the Union Army. Understood? The line runs all the way from here back to Cemetery Hill. '''But it ends here. You cannot withdraw under any condition. If you go this line will be flanked.''' If you go, the enemy will sweep up over the hillside and take this entire army from the rear. You must defend this place to the last.

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* '''2nd Maine Soldier:''' No man will call me a coward.

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* '''Young Marylander:''' (the only line spoken by a female in the entire film) I thought the war was in Virginia.

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* '''Cpt. TJ Goree:''' ''(To Gen. Longstreet)'' No good trying to get yourself killed General. The lord'll come for you in his own good time.

== Dialogue ==
[[File:Captive Slave.jpg|thumb|I haven't known that many freedmen, but those I knew in Bangor, Portland, you look in the eye, there was a man. There was a 'divine spark', as my mother used to call it. That is all there is to it. Races are men. 'What a piece of work is man. How infinite in faculties, in form and moving. How express and admirable. In action, how like an angel'. ~ Joshua Chamberlain]]
:'''Pvt. Buster Kilrain:''' Colonel? Colonel, darlin'. Rise up, me bucko. ''(Chamberlain groans.)'' Oh, I'm sorry, darlin', but we've got a bit of a problem here, Colonel, would ye like to hear about it? Would ye wake up, sir? We got a whole company comin', sir. This way. I'll give ye time to wake up, but we've got quite a problem. Altogether, 120 men are comin'. We're to be havin' them as guests.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' ''(still half asleep)'' What?
:'''Pvt. Buster Kilrain:''' Yeah. Should be here any minute.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' Who?
:'''Pvt. Buster Kilrain:''' Mutineers. Mutineers, Colonel, me lad. 120 men from the old 2nd Maine which has been disbanded.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' 120 mutineers? ''(gestures for Kilrain to keep talking.)''
:'''Pvt. Buster Kilrain:''' Yes, sir. Ye see, what happened was the enlistment papers on the old 2nd Maine run out. So they were sent home. All except these 120 fellows who'd foolishly signed 3-year papers. 3 years, that is. So these poor fellows, they got one more year to serve, only, you see, they thought they was signin' to fight only with the 2nd Maine and the 2nd Maine only. So, they, uh, quit. They resigned, ye see. 120 men! ''(Chamberlain puts his head down.)'' Colonel? Are ye all right?
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' Yeah.
:'''Pvt. Buster Kilrain:''' Well, the point is, sir, these Maine fellows; they won't fight no more. And nobody can send them home and nobody knows what to do with them. Til they thought of us. Being as we are the only other Maine regiment in the V Corps. So they've been assigned to us. Yes, sir. I've a message here from the new commanding general. George Meade, sir, that's right! Our very own general of our very own corps has been promoted to command of the whole army. The latest, if ye keep track of them as they go by.

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:'''Lt. Tom Chamberlain:''' One thing about this brigade is we got our own special bugle call. Ever hear tell of Dan Butterfield?
:'''2nd Maine Soldier:''' What, General Butterfield? What was with Hooker?
:'''Lt. Tom Chamberlain:''' That's the same fellow. See, he used to be our brigade commander.
:'''2nd Maine Soldier:''' Yeah, he was a pistol. No man like him for having a good time.
:'''Lt. Tom Chamberlain:''' I don't know about that. But I know he used to like to write bugle calls. The problem with this army is, we got too many calls. We got a call for artillery, infantry, get up and eat, retreat. Anyway, old Butterfield, he wrote a special call for this here brigade. Say there is an order for this brigade, you and me. Some blame fool'll be blowing his bugle, we will think that order's for us when it wasn't. We'll follow that order anyway, and then we'll look around and we'll be in a world of hurt.
:'''2nd Maine Soldier:''' Yeah, that happened to me once. Us, that is. Half the regiment charged, the other half retreated. You had your choice.

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:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' Tell me something, Buster. What do you think of Negroes?
:'''Pvt. Buster Kilrain:''' Well, if you mean the race, I don't really know. This is not a thing to be ashamed of. The thing is, you cannot judge a race. Any man who judges by the group is a pea-wit. You take men one at a time.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' To me, there was never any difference.
:'''Pvt. Buster Kilrain:''' None at all?
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' None at all. Of course, I haven't known that many freed men, but those I knew in Bangor, Portland, you look in the eye, there was a man. There was a "divine spark," as my mother used to call it. That is all there is to it. Races are men. "What a piece of work is man. How infinite in faculties, in form and moving. How express and admirable. In action, how like an angel."
:'''Pvt. Buster Kilrain:''' Well, if he's an angel, all right then. But he damn well must be a killer angel. Colonel, darling, you're a lovely man. I see a great vast difference between us, yet I admire you, lad. You're an idealist, praise be. The truth is, Colonel, there is no "divine spark." There's many a man alive no more of value than a dead dog. Believe me. When you've seen them hang each other the way I have back in the Old Country. Equality? What I'm fighting for is the right to prove I'm a better man than many of them. Where have you seen this "divine spark" in operation, Colonel? Where have you noted this magnificent equality? No two things on earth are equal or have an equal chance. Not a leaf, not a tree. There's many a man worse than me, and some better, but I don't think race or country matters a damn. What matters, Colonel, is justice. Which is why I'm here. I'll be treated as I deserve. Not as my father deserved. I'm Kilrain, and I damn all gentlemen. There is only one aristocracy, and that is right here. ''(taps his temple)'' And that's why we've got to win this war.

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:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet:''' Good Lord, George, what is that smell?
:'''Maj. Gen. George Pickett:''' That's me. Ain't it lovely?
:'''Brig. Gen. Lewis Armistead:''' He got it off a dead Frenchman.

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:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' Sergeant Owen, let's get these fellows some muskets.
:'''Sgt. Owen:''' There are no muskets, sir.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' ''(to 2nd Maine men)'' You just wait here for a bit. There'll be guns available in a little while.

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:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain:''' The boys from the 2nd Maine are being fed, Lawrence.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' Ye- ''Don't'' call me Lawrence.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain:''' Darn it, Lawrence, I'm your brother.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' Well, just be careful about the name business in front of the men, alright? Just because you're my brother- It looks like favoritism.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain:''' God Almighty, General Meade's got his own son as his aide-de-camp.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' Well, that's different. Generals can do anything. Nothing quite so much like God on Earth as a general on a battlefield.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain:''' Well, what are you gonna do with 'em, huh, sir? ''Colonel'', sir. You can't shoot 'em, you'll never go back to Maine if you do that.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain:''' I know that, I know that. I wonder if they do.

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:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet:''' You English had your own civil war once, didn't you?
:'''Lt. Col. Arthur Fremantle:''' Oh, that was ages ago. Wouldn't dream of it now. Cavaliers and Roundheads. "Off with his head, off with his head!" Heads lying about everywhere. One could hardly take a step without tripping over a fallen crown. We're much more civilized now, I assure you.

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:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': I've got some night work for you. Are you up for it?
:'''Harrison:''' ''"All the world will be in love with night, and pay no worship to the garish sun!"''
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': When this is over, I do look forward to seeing you on the stage.

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:'''Brig. Gen. Lewis Armistead''': Well, what do you hear about Sam Hood?
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': May lose an arm.
:'''Brig. Gen. Lewis Armistead''': Dick Garnett ain't fit. Can't hardly walk. Thing is, if there's a fight, he can't stand to stay out of it. But if you ordered him to stay out of it... Huh. Don't suppose you could do that.
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': Mm-mm.
:'''Irish Tenor''': ''(in the background)'' ''Kathleen Mavourneen, the gray dawn is breaking. The horn of the hunter is heard on the hill. The lark from the light...'' ''(continues song through conversation)''
:'''Lt. General James Longstreet''': Mm-hmm. That boy can sing. That's "Kathleen Mavourneen".
:'''Brig. Gen Lewis Armistead''': ''(looks away, slightly husky voice)'' What do you hear about Hancock?
:'''Lt. Gen James Longstreet''': ''(lighting pipe)'' Ran into him today. He's out there, 'bout a mile or so. Just a mile or so. He was... tough. Very tough today.
:'''Brig. Gen. Lewis Armistead''': He's the best they got. God don't make 'em any better, and that's a fact. Well, I'd like to go over and see him as soon as I can. Last time I saw Win, we played that song, that very song. Back in California, we were all together for the last time. Before we broke up. Spring of '61. ''(pauses)'' Almira Hancock. You remember Almira, Hancock's wife? Beautiful woman. Most perfect woman I ever saw. They were a beautiful couple. Beautiful... Garnett was with me that night. A lot of fellows from the old outfit. People standin' around singin'. In the blue uniform. We were leavin', the next day. Some goin' North, some goin' South. Splittin' up. ''(looks up)'' A soldier's farewell. "Goodbye. Good luck. I'll see you in hell." ''(chuckles)'' You remember that? ''(sighs)'' Towards the end of the evening, we all sat around the piano. And Mira played that- that song there, that was the one she played. ''"May be for years, may be forever..."'' I'll never forget that. ''(laughs)'' You know how it was, Pete. ''(sits down, voice husky)'' Win was like a brother to me... Remember? ''(Longstreet nods)'' Towards the end of the evening... ''(shakes his head)'' things got a little rough. We all began to- Well, there were a lot of tears. ''(takes several shaky breaths)'' I went over to Hancock.. I-I took him by the shoulder. I said, "Win... so help me... if I ever raise my hand against you... may God strike me dead!" ''(pauses, quickly wipes his eyes)'' I ain't seen him since. He was at Malvern Hill, White Oak Swamp, Sharpsburg, Fredericksburg... ''(sighs)'' One of these days... I will see him, I'm afraid. Across that small, deadly space. I thought about sittin' this one out, but I can't do that. That wouldn't be right, either. ''(wipes his eyes again)'' I guess not. ''(nods)'' Thank you, Peter. I had to talk about that.
:'''Lt. Gen James Longstreet''': Yup.
:'''Brig. Gen Lewis Armistead''': ''(stands, turns slightly)'' Um, I'm sending Almira Hancock a small package to be opened in the event of my death. ''(takes package from coat, holds it towards Longstreet)'' You'll drop by and see her, after all this is over... Won't you, Pete? ''(Longstreet takes the package)'' Thank you.

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:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': Hello, men. What outfit you with?
:'''Confederate Prisoner''': Archer's Brigade, Heth's Division.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': Where you from?
:'''Confederate Prisoner''': Tennessee. How 'bout you?
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': Maine. I never been to Tennessee.
:'''Confederate Prisoner''': I reckon I never been to Maine neither.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': I don't mean no disrespect to you fightin' men. But sometimes I can't help but figure, why you fightin' this war?
:'''Confederate Prisoner''': Why you fightin' it?
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': Well, to free the slaves, of course. And to preserve the Union.
:'''Confederate Prisoner''': I don't know about some other folk but I ain't fightin' for no darkies, one way or the other. I'm fightin' for my rights ''(pronounced "rats")''. All of us that's what we're fightin' for.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': For your what?
:'''Confederate Prisoner''': For our rights. Why is it you folks can't just live the way you want to live, and let us live the way we do? Live and let live, I hear some folks say. Be a mite less fuss and bother if more folks took it to heart.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': ''(nods slowly, considering the man's words)'' Where'd you get captured?
:'''Confederate Prisoner''': Railroad cut just west of Gettysburg town. Wasn't a pretty sight. Many a good boy lost a young and promising life. Some were blue, some were grey. Seen enough of this war?
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': I guess I have.
:'''Confederate Prisoner''': I guess I have, too. It looks like I'm gonna be sittin' out the rest of it.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': ''(nods)'' Well, I appreciate you talkin' to me.
:'''Confederate Prisoner''': ''(salutes)'' See you in hell, Billy Yank.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': ''(salutes)'' See you in hell, Johnny Reb.

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[[File:Burial of the dead on the Antietam battlefield army.mil-2008-09-10-145638.jpg|thumb|right|I tell you, Lawrence... I sure was fond of that man.]]
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': Lawrence. I just got back from the hospital. Godawful mess. They got no room. They got no shade, they got men lyin' everywhere! They're cuttin' off arms and legs right out there on front of everybody. They oughta not do that in public, Lawrence. Men oughta have some privacy at a time like that.
:'''Col Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain''': You see Kilrain?
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': ''(nods wordlessly)''
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain''': Well, how is he?
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': ''(looks away)'' Well...Lawrence... he died. ''(takes off kepi)'' Yeah... He died this morning, 'fore I got there. A couple o' the fellows, they, they was with 'im. ''(looks at his brother)'' He said to tell you goodbye... And that he was sorry.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain''': Yeah.
:'''Lt. Thomas Chamberlain''': ''(glances across the field for a moment)'' I tell you, Lawrence... I sure was fond of that man.
:'''Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain''': ''(forces a smile)'' Yeah.

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:'''Maj. Gen. J.E.B. Stuart''': You wish to see me, sir?
:'''General Robert E. Lee''': ''(nods and sighs)'' It is the opinion of some... excellent officers that you have let us all down.
:'''Maj. Gen. J.E.B. Stuart''': ''(looking angry, voice raising)'' General Lee, sir, if you will please tell me who these ''gentlemen'' are...
:'''General Robert E. Lee''': ''(quietly but sharply)'' There will be none of that. There is no time.
:'''Maj. Gen. J.E.B. Stuart''': Sir, I only ask that I be allowed to defend my...
:'''General Robert E. Lee''': ''(sharper, and louder)'' There is no time. ''(Stuart stares for a moment in stunned silence)'' General Stuart... your mission was to free this army from the enemy cavalry and report any movement by the enemy's main body. That mission was not fulfilled. You left here with no word of your movement, or movement of the enemy, for several days. Meanwhile, we were engaged here and drawn into battle without adequate knowledge of the enemy's strength or position, without knowledge of the ground. So it is only by God's grace that we did not meet disaster here.
:'''Maj. Gen. J.E.B. Stuart''': General Lee, there were reasons...
:'''General Robert E. Lee''': ''(holds up his hand for silence)'' Perhaps you misunderstood my orders? Perhaps I did not make myself clear. Well, sir... this must be made ''very'' clear. You, sir, with your cavalry, are the eyes of this army. Without your cavalry, we are made blind. That has already happened once. It must never, ''never'' happen again.
:'''Maj. Gen. J.E.B. Stuart''': ''(stares at the floor, then slowly draws his sword, holding it out)'' Sir... since I no longer hold the General's...
:'''General Robert E. Lee''': ''(pounds the table with his fist, suddenly furious)'' I have ''told'' you, there is no time for that! There is no time! ''(Lee pauses, takes a deep breath, and calms down again)'' There is another fight comin' tomorrow, and we need you. We need every man, God knows. You must take what I have told you, and learn from it, as a man does. ''(He takes Stuart's sword and replaces it in its scabbard)'' There has been a mistake. It will not happen again; I know your quality. You are one of the finest cavalry officers I have ever known, and your service to this army has been invaluable. Now... let us speak no more of this. ''(Lee turns and slowly walks away; Stuart stares in silence for a moment, and Lee turns back to him)'' The matter is concluded. Good night, General.

<hr width="50% "/>
:'''Lt. Col. Edward Porter Alexander''': The longer we delay, the more time the Federals have to strengthen their own line. And even if we recover more supplies from the ordnance trains, how much more damage can we inflict on them then they on us? They're bringing in fresh Batteries as quickly as we drive them off.
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': Just get some more ammunition and keep it hot! I cannot send in Pickett's division, or the others, until we clear some of those guns off that [[w:Cemetery Ridge|ridge]]!

<hr width="50% "/>
:''[Director's Cutː Pickett has a private word with Longstreet]''
:'''Maj. Gen. George Pickett''': Well, sir, you are looking fine.
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': Lookin' lovely yourself, George.
:'''Maj. Gen. George Pickett''': General... uh, no reflection on you, sir, but, well...you know, my division, my Virginia boys, we haven't seen all that much action for a long time. I mean, well, we weren't all that engaged at Fredericksburg; we missed Chancellorsville altogether, off on some piddlin' affair. Now they took two of my brigades, Corse and Jenkins, and sent them off to guard Richmond? I mean, ''Richmond'', of all places? And now, sir, do you know where I have been placed in the line of march? Last, sir. That's where I am. Exactly last. I'm bringin' up the damn rear, beg pardon, sir. You see, my boys are beginning to feel a trifle disgusted at this attitude towards them as fightin' men. My boys --
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': George...
:'''Maj. Gen. George Pickett''': Sir?
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': Please.
:'''Maj. Gen. George Pickett''': Oh, I sure don't mean to imply ''you'', sir. No. Hell no, sir. No, it's just, uh... well, the bureaucrats. See, I was just... I was hoping, sir, that you could talk to somebody about this arrangement of the troops.
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': Would you like me to move the whole army to the side so you can go first?
:'''Maj. Gen. George Pickett''': Sir? ''[chuckles]'' Now that you mention it...
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': There ''is'' no plot, George. It's just the way things fell out. I mean, hell, look at it this way. If the army has to turn around, fight its way back... well, ''you'll'' be first in line.
:'''Maj. Gen. George Pickett''': Yes... yes, I suppose that is true, isn't it? You understand, sir. It's just that this whole damn war might be over after one more bout, and my Virginia boys will have missed most of it.
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': Yeah, I know. How far back are they?
:'''Maj. Gen. George Pickett''': Chambersburg. A hard day's march, sir.
:'''Lt. Gen. James Longstreet''': Mm-hmm... I know I can count on you, George, when the time comes. And it will come. It will come.
:'''Brig. Gen. Lewis Armistead''': ''[walks up]'' Sorry to butt in, but they're calling for George over at the poker table. Your fame, sir, has preceded you.
:'''Maj. Gen. George Pickett''': Well... thank you, General. ''[shakes Longstreet's hand]'' Well...cheerio, fellas.
:'''Brig. Gen. Lewis Armistead''': Don't forget to bring your money.

== Cast ==

* [[w:Tom Berenger|Tom Berenger]] - Lt. Gen. [[w:James Longstreet|James Longstreet]]

* [[Martin Sheen]] - Gen. [[Robert E. Lee]]

* [[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] - Col. [[w:Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain|Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain]]

* [[w:Sam Elliot|Sam Elliot]] - Brig. Gen. [[w:John Buford|John Buford]]

* [[w:Stephen Lang|Stephen Lang]] - Maj. Gen. [[w:George Pickett|George Pickett]]

* [[w:C. Thomas Howell|C. Thomas Howell]] - Lt. [[w:Thomas Chamberlain|Thomas Chamberlain]]

* [[w:Kevin Conway|Kevin Conway]] - Pvt. [[w:Buster Kilrain|Buster Kilrain]]

* [[w:Richard Jordan|Richard Jordan]] - Brig. Gen. [[w:Lewis Armistead|Lewis Armistead]]

* [[w:James Lancaster|James Lancaster]] - Lt. Col. [[w:Arthur Fremantle|Arthur Fremantle]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Gettysburg (1993 film)}}
* [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107007/ IMDB page]

[[Category:1993 films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Epic films]]
[[Category:Films based on novels]]
[[Category:History films]]
[[Category:American Civil War films]]

Robin Williams

2016-12-27T07:35:56Z

StjJackson: /* Weapons of Self Destruction (2010) */

[[File:Robin Williams 2011a (2).jpg |thumb|[[Comedy]] can be a [[cathartic]] way to deal with [[personal]] [[trauma]].]]
'''[[w:Robin Williams|Robin McLaurin Williams]]''' ([[July 21]], [[1951]] – [[August 11]], [[2014]]) was an [[w:United States|American]] stand-up comedian, actor, director, producer, writer, singer, voice artist, and comedian.

==Quotes==
[[File:Defense.gov News Photo 041214-A-4934L-1562.jpg|thumb|You're only given a little spark of madness and if you lose that, you're [[nothing]].]]
[[File:Robin Williams Canada.jpg|thumb|I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."]]
[[File:Robin Williams.jpg|thumb|right|You have the right to bear arms, you have the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!]]
[[File:Robin Williams Aviano.jpg|thumb|Unless you're passing a bowling ball, I don't think so.]]
[[File:Robin williams uso.jpg|thumb|And if you want a linguistic adventure, go [[drinking]] with a Scotsman. 'Cause you can't fuckin' [[understand]] them ''before!'']]
[[File:Robin Williams in Camp Phoenix.jpg|thumb|Some people say [[Jesus]] wasn't [[Jewish]]. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents! Come on! He [[work]]s in his [[father]]'s [[business]], his [[Mother|mom]] thought he was [[God]]'s [[gift]]! He's Jewish! Give it up!]]
[[File:Robin Williams Bahrain.jpg|thumb|What kind of [[food]] did we drop on [[Afghanistan]]? Pop-Tarts, peanut butter... just add a Honey Baked Ham and you've got a redneck [[Christmas]].]]
[[File:Robin Williams 2008.jpg|thumb|In the midst of all this, there was [[w:Bernard Madoff|Bernie Madoff]]. An embezzler named "made off." Hmm. Was the [[name]] not a [[clue]]? Did he have to be with the [[accounting]] firm of Dewey, Fuckyou, and Howe?]]
[[File:Happy Feet Premiere (307985736).jpg|thumb|[[Catherine the Great]], [[Golda Meir]], [[Indira Gandhi]]: These may not be women you'd want to fuck, but you definitely don't want to fuck ''with them.'' And if you don't think a [[Margaret Thatcher|woman]] can [[w:Falklands War|handle a war]], ask the Argentinians.]]
[[File:Robin Williams.jpg|thumb|One of the fundamental things is in a jihad! That sounds like a country western term like, "Jiii-had!"]]


* '''I would like to do for you now, a Japanese science fiction movie: "Attack of the Killer Vibrators."''' 
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH7crqRvhhc Performance at the L.A. Improv (1977)]

* Before I go on, I want to ask if there are any [[w:Hell's Angels|Hell's Angels]] here tonight? ''[no response]'' … Those pussy-whipped faggots!
** Performance at the L.A. Improv (1977)

* I would like to do [[Shakespeare]]'s only unknown piece, ''That's the Way I Lick It'' ... It's a bleak night my Lord. '''Look! The [[moon]] like a testicle hangs low in the sky. This bodes not well.''' ... Anon, post-haste, let's get a larger crowd in here. Free Cocaine! There's no luck. Does anyone have drugs to ease my pain? My Kingdom for a Quaalude! … It is the end! I must go, for I cannot come here, and yet, it has been brief, 'tis over, and the lights do turn bright. ''I'm melting! [[James_Clavell#The_Fly_.281958.29|Help me! Help me!]]'' 
** Performance at the L.A. Improv (1977)

*  '''You're only given a little spark of madness and if you lose that, you're [[nothing]].'''
** ''A Night at the Roxy'' (1978)

* [[Death]] is [[nature]]'s way of saying, "Your table is ready."
** As quoted in ''The Fourth—And by Far the Most Recent—637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said'' (1990) edited by Robert Byrne, p, 518

* '''Parry is a man with a previous life that was so damaged that he had to create another [[personality]].''' … It's like post-traumatic stress syndrome: Some [[people]] respond to traumatic or tragic events by withdrawal; some even create other personalities. '''Parry is a creation — somewhat [[w:Don Quixote|Don Quixote]], somewhat [[Groucho Marx]] — but he's a creation designed to avoid a past event.'''
** On his role in ''[[The Fisher King]]'' (1991), as quoted in [http://www.smart.co.uk/dreams/fkprod1.htm "Dreams: ''The Fisher King''" (2006) edited by Phil Stubbs]

* '''[[Comedy]] can be a [[cathartic]] way to deal with [[personal]] [[trauma]].'''
** [http://parade.condenast.com/154817/dotsonrader/robin-williams-on-returning-to-tv-getting-sober-and-downsizing-in-his-60s/ "Robin Williams on Returning to TV, Getting Sober, and Downsizing in His 60s", ''Parade'' (12 September 2013)]

===''Reality...What a Concept'' (1979)===
* I'd like to start the show by showing you something I'm very proud of. You'll have to step back, though.

* ''[spoofing [[Fred Rogers|Mr. Rogers]]]'' It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood... oh, damn, someone stole my sneakers. Let's do some wonderful things today, boys and girls; but first, do you mind if I take some more medication? It helps the day go a little bit slower. There we go. Now we're gonna do some wonderful experiments you can do around the house. Let's put Mr. Hamster in the microwave, okay?... He knows where he's going. BEEP! ''Pop'' goes the weasel! That's severe radiation. Can you say "severe radiation"? Oh, look, you got a little balloon now.

* ''[as a Shakespearean narrator]'' Mind not my words — Let the ''play'' be the thing. I'll get back forth and touch myself anon.

* I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."

* There was an old, crazy dude who used to live a long time ago. His name was Lord Buckley. And he said, a long time ago, he said, "People: They're kinda like flowers and it's been a privilege walking in your garden." My love goes with you.

===''[[w:A Night at the Met|A Night at the Met]]'' (1986)===
* My God, what am I doing here? It's weird. How do you get to the Met? Money! Lots and lots of money! I can imagine [[w:Luciano Pavarotti|Pavarotti]] next door at the improv going, "Two Jews walk into a bar..."

* Beer commercials usually show ''big'' men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's 5:00 in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."

* The sound crapped out for a bit, that's why I'm using [[w:suppository|SupposiSound]]! No one wants their tapes back, I wonder why.

* We were talking briefly about cocaine...yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!

* They call it freebasing. It's not free, it costs you your house! It should be called home basing! Three signs you're addicted to cocaine: First of all, if you come home to your house and you have no furniture and your cat's going "I'm outta here, prick!," Warning! Number two: If you have this dream where you're doing cocaine in your sleep and you can't fall asleep, and you wake up and you're doing cocaine, BINGO! Number three: if on your tax form it says, "$50,000 for snacks," MAYDAY!

* Baseball players have to go in front of a grand jury and say, "Yeah, I did cocaine. Can you blame me? It's a slow goddamn game! Come on Jack! Standing out in left field for seven innings, and there's a long white line going down to home plate! I see the guy putting it out going "Heh heh heh heh!!!!" And that damn organ music too, the whole [does intro to "Charge!"]! Third base coach is always doing this...[wiping nose, fidgeting around]. When he's doing that, I don't know whether to slide or do a line! People sliding into home plate head first, umpire goes, "You're out!" "No, baby, I'm up now! Ha ha ha!"

* The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!

* [On husbands sharing their wives' childbearing experience] Unless you're passing a bowling ball, I don't think so. Unless you're trying to circumcise yourself with a chainsaw, I don't think so. Unless you're opening an umbrella up your ass, I don't think so!

* Thank you. How-DY! Whoops, wrong opera house. How do you like the play, Mr. [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]]? Duck!

* [Comparing [[Ronald Reagan]]'s Cabinet to ''[[Star Wars]]''] There's [[Henry Kissinger]] as Yoda, "Must now cannot see understanding that I be here for you. I will show you now, Nicaragua, Cambodia, Nicaragua, Cambodia, shhh. Must later understand!"

===''[[w:Inside the Actors Studio|Inside the Actors Studio]]'' (2001)===
:Season 7, Episode 15 (10 June 2001)

* The professor was on acid, and sometimes he'd shout, "I'm Lincoln!" And then, there'd be a kid in the back, "I'm [[w:John Wilkes Booth|Booth]]!"

* (On creating) And you get that little endorphin buzz, it's great. Why do you think Einstein looked like that? I don't think he was going "You know this is some dynamite weed! It's all relative you know."

* (Imitating Royal Family) I've tell you we've not been inbred but don't look at the ears. That's all we can do is screw in a light bulb. Look at the teeth, look at the ears and go, something's gone wrong. Gene pool is a jacuzzi back up."

* I'd like to welcome you the [[w:Aircraft Owners and Pilots Association|AOPA]]. There's also aa-AOPA. If this is your first time flying a plane on alcohol, I'd like to welcome ya!

* Imitating [[w:Luciano Pavarotti|Pavarotti]]. "It is amazing I know it is huge. BEHOLD IT. IT IS GROWING. ALL OF MY PHALLUS IS A SHOWING!"

=== ''Robin Williams: Live on Broadway'' (2002)===
* Now, [[Michael Jackson|Michael]] is claiming racism. I'm going, "Honey, you gotta pick a race first." Baby, what are you claiming, mistreatment of elves? What are you saying?

* What kind of food did we drop on Afghanistan? Pop-Tarts, peanut butter…just add a Honey Baked Ham and you've got a redneck Christmas. Why are we dropping this food on Afghanistan? Tastes a hell of a lot better than dirt, #1. #2, difficult to have a call to jihad with a mouth full of peanut butter. Thirdly, Afghanistan is a hashish-smoking culture, and anyone who's ever been a friend of the hookah will go, (intense, stoned stare) "Pop-Tarts!"

* And that's when you realize that God gave you a penis and a brain and only enough blood to run one at a time.

* I do know this one thing. I know there is a cure for whatever bioterrorism that they send at us. I know there's one. And it lies within [[Keith Richards]], I know that. He is the only man on the planet who can go ''[pantomimes snorting a line of powder]'' "Anthrax? All riiiiight. Hey. Doesn't go with my ''E. coli'', but fuck." Keith is the only man who can make the Osbornes look fucking Amish. He's insane! I've seen Keith go to a drug dealer and the drug dealer's like "I'm out, man, I'm sorry. I have nothing left!" Supposedly, he goes to Switzerland and changes his blood, not like one pint, but like a fucking Chevrolet, all of it. I just wanna know, who gets his blood? Some old Swiss man's going "HEIDI! We got to go on tour, you bitch! Got to go pay for Mick's babies! C'mon!" Because I know this: we may all be dead and gone, Keith will still be there with five cockroaches. Keith'll go "You know I smoked your uncle, did you know that? Fucking crazy..."

* [''About pre-9/11 and post-9/11 airport security''] Airport security, remember before all this happened, was like, BEEP, 'Okay, get on the plane. Come on, get on the plane. Hold on one moment. What's that? Oh, that's a gun. Okay, get on the plane!' You could carry a four-inch blade on a plane. That's about that long. What are you doing, West Side Story in the aisle? "Going down the aisle! Crazy aisle!" Now, you can't even carry a nail-clipper on a plane. Are they afraid you're gonna go "ALL RIGHT! Gimme the plane or the bitch loses a cuticle! I have a nail file! I can be irritating!"

* Because now, when you go through airport security, it's tight. You go through the metal detector, and if you're heavily pierced, like some of my friends, it's like, ''(steps forward)'' "BZZT!" "Take out your keys, sir." Tip of the iceberg. ''(pantomimes removing various piercings from the ears, nostrils eyebrows, tongue; then reaches to the side, grabs an imaginary drill, points it at his crotch and makes a drilling noise)'' For those playing the home game, this is called a Prince Albert. And I'm sure that was his last wish. I'm sure Albert said "Victoria, I'm dying. I want you to name a museum, a performance hall, and a [[w:Prince Albert (genital piercing)|bolt through the cock]] after me. That will be [[w:Victoria's Secret|Victoria's Secret]]. Go, my darling!"

* [[George W. Bush|Dubya]] doesn't speak while [[Dick Cheney|Cheney]]'s drinking water. Check that shit out.

* One of the fundamental things is in a jihad. That sounds like a country western term like, "Jiii-had!"

* And people say to me, they say [[Jesus]] wasn't Jewish. I say of course he was Jewish. 30 years old, single, lives with his parents. Come on! Work in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift! He's Jewish! Give it up!

* But I know, as beatific as [[Gandhi]] was, there was somebody in a Bombay bar going, "I knew Gandhi...he was a prick. I saw him sucking down a pork hot dog, hitting on [[Mother Teresa]]. He kept saying, 'Who's your diaper daddy? Who's your diaper daddy?'"

* And the French. The French have a bomb, too. Maybe they have the Michelin Bomb—ah! Only destroys restaurants under 4 stars. And they still test their bombs. They're one of the few people who still detonate their bombs. The underground test. Where do they do it? In the Sahara in the total wasteland? No, fuck off! In Tahiti! In paradise. Why? "Because we're French. ''[pantomimes smoking a cigarette]'' Oh, look, a Greenpeace boat coming to protest—fuck off. I sink you.

*''[Imitating a Frenchman]'' Fuck all of you! You cultureless, crass Americans! We hate all of you! Fu—the Germans are here! Hello, Americans! I love you!

* ''[About the Swiss]'' The nice Germans, Yeah. Or as they like to say, the other white race. Now, I have only one question. How can you trust an army, how butch is an army that has a wine opener on its knife? "Many of you have never opened Chardonnay under fire! First, you pull the cork out, sniff it, say, 'Meat or fish?', and throw! ''(Military cadence)'' I don't know, but I've been told, Chardonnay must be served cold! Ja!"

* ''[Describing the drinking habits of different ethnic groups]'' You know if you're Irish, you've got a running start that you can do it better than we are. ''[Irish accent]'' You know that because if you're Irish, you know, you'll kick my ass but then you'll fuckin' sing about it afterwards. ''[sings, dances a jig]'' "Oh, the night you said my wife was fat, I knocked you down and shit in your hat!" And then you keep drinking 'til you're in your eighties and you're on a dialysis machine, doing Liverdance and Michael Flatline! ''Beeeeeep!'' And they say the Irish saved civilization, drank a couple of Guinness and forgot where they fuckin' put it, but that's all right. ''[shifting to Japanese accent]'' Here's the drill, and the Japanese? They drink differently than us. It is a different thing where you can be very polite during the day, and all of a sudden you "''arigatou gozaimasu''." And after five Jack Daniels..."TIE A YELLOW RIBBON! Hey, fuckers! Karaoke for asshole with a microphone! Sing, you round-eyed fuck, come on!" ''[shifting to Scottish accent]'' And if you want a linguistic adventure, go drinking with a Scotsman - 'cause you can't fuckin' understand them ''before''!

* And you realize how drunk (Scotsmen) get; they could wear [[w:Kilt|a skirt]] and not care! And how they could invent a sport like golf! ''[Imitating a drunk Scotsman]'' "Here's my idea for a fuckin' sport. I knock a ball in a gopher hole!" Oh, you mean like pool? "Fuck off pool! Not with a straight stick, with a little fucked-up stick! I'll whack a ball and it goes in a gopher hole!" Oh, you mean like croquet? "FUCK CROQUET! I'll put the hole hundreds of yards away! Oh, fuck, oh yeah! It's great fun, there! It's a great thing!" Oh, like a bowling thing? "FUCK NO! Not straight, I put shit in the way! Like trees and bushes and high grass! So you can lose your fuckin' ball and go whackin' away with a fuckin' tire iron! Whackin' away and every time you feel like you're going to have a stroke, ah ha! Fuck, that's what we'll call it, a 'stroke'! 'Cause every time you miss, you feel like you're going to fuckin' die! Oh great! And here's the better part, oh fuck, this is brilliant. Right near the end, I'll put a flat piece, with a little flag to give you fuckin' hope. But then I'll put in a pool and a sandbox to fuck with your ball again! Ah, you'll be there trashing your ass, jerking your way in the sand, ah ha!" Oh, and you do this one time? "FUCK NO! EIGHTEEN FUCKIN' TIMES!"

* I want [[w:Andrés Cantor|the guy who does Mexican soccer]] to do golf one time. "The ball is starting...the ball is going to the...HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE!" Just to see all those old WASPy motherfuckers go "Oh dear Christ! My God, they're not gardening, they're playing now, oh shit! What the hell are we gonna do?" Because that was their last domain of dominance. It was their area, they were the king, up until...[[w:Tiger Woods|Tiger]]. Yesss. Son of a black man and a Thai woman, not even a German geneticist could've thought that one up!

===''Weapons of Self Destruction'' (2010)===
* Nice to be in Washington, where the buck stops here! Way to go. And then it's [[w:2008 Bank Bailout|handed out to AIG and many other people]].

* And I know many of you are looking for [[Sarah Palin]]'s [[w:Going Rogue: An American Life|new book]], it is a bitch to find. Good luck. I found it somewhere between fiction and nonfiction, in the fantasy aisle.

* ''[talking to woman in audience about newcomers]'' That's your old boss? Did you fuck him? ''[loud laugher]'' Sorry. Okay. Not an inappropriate question to ask in Washington.

* And California weed is kick-ass fuckin' weed. This is weed that even Jamaicans go "Oh, don't smoke that weed, man." It's California Catatonic. The type of weed, you hit it and it's like...''[pantomimes smoking a blunt]'' "FUCK! Shit...I'm not doing something. What is it? Oh right, BREATH!"

* And if they [[w:Marijuana|legalize it]], they're gonna have to regulate it and they're gonna have to put a warning on a box of joints. It's gonna have to say, "Surgeon General has determined this will make your music...'''awesome'''! Even Yanni. And if you think you liked cartoons ''before''..."

* You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Somebody's losing a trailer.

* ''[imitating weatherman]'' "Okay, let's go to our new hurricane weather map...(screen behind him shows a massive cyclone) ...FUCK! This is Hurricane Siobhan. The map is the entire South. The [[w:Eye (cyclone)|asshole in the middle]] is Dallas...um, crazy...back to you, Ted, I just shit myself.

* There is one man that we can run for office that even the French would say "Fuck off!" That man...is [[w:Jack Nicholson|Jack Nicholson]]. Yes! You will never have a sex scandal with Jack because he has fucked ''everyone''!

*I was on this German talk show and this woman said to me, she said, "Mr. Williams, why do you think there's not so much comedy in Germany?" I said, "Did you ever think you [[w:Holocaust|killed all the funny people]]?" ''[laughter and applause]'' And...it was...and here's where it got interesting. She didn't bat an eyelash. She just went "No". At that point, even God's going, "Do you get it?!" German comedy: "Knock-knock--We ask the questions!".

* My favorite athletes of any Olympics are always the African distance runners. You ''never'' have to drug test an African distance runner.
:"Are you on drugs?"
:"No, I'm looking for food."
:And I'm sure in Kenya they have a ''chicken'' that can run a sub 2-hour marathon....One of my favorite runners of all time was [[w:Abebe Bikila|Abebe Bikila]]. He was an Ethiopian distance runner and he won the Rome Olympics ''[marathon]'' running barefoot. He was then sponsored by Adidas. He ran the next Olympics, he ''carried the fuckin' shoes.'' No performance enhancement there.

* I walked into my son's room the other day, and he's got four screens going at the same time. He's watching a movie on one screen, playing a game on another, downloading something on this one, texting on that one, people say "He's got ADD." Fuck that, he's multitasking.

* When I was growing up they used to say, "Robin, drugs can kill you." Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me, "Robin, you need drugs to live." I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer...

* These drugs have side effects that go on for fuckin' days, like tendency-to-grow-another-head, oh my God! When ''we'' were growing up we knew the side effects of the drugs we were taking. Cocaine, side effects were paranoia, ninjas-on-the-lawn; quaaludes, side effects were talking in tongues, English as a second language; marijuana, side effects were laughter, Frosted Flakes.

* We still have great comedy out there. There's always ramblin' [[Joe Biden]]. What the fuck? Joe says shit that even people with [[Wikipedia:Tourette syndrome|Tourette's]] go "no..."

* Cheney [[w:Dick Cheney hunting incident|shot a man in the face]] hunting quail. I don't know about East coast quail, but California quail are this fucking big. ''(indicates a position about a foot above the stage floor)''

* In the midst of all this, there was [[w:Bernard Madoff|Bernie Madoff]]. An embezzler named "made off." Hmm. Was the name not a clue? Did he have to be with the accounting firm of Dewey, Fuckyou, and Howe?

* Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude?

* I went to rehab [for alcoholism] in wine country, just to keep my options open.

* They made porn movies, of my movies! ''[[Good Will Hunting|Good Will Humping]]''? It's okay... ''[[What Dreams May Come (film)|Wet Dreams May Cum]]''? All right... ''[[Patch Adams (film)|Snatch Adams]]''? That was '''scary'''. A clown with a strap-on. ''[[Popeye (film)|Popeye]]''... I would watch that. "Ag-gag-gag-ga, I creamed me spinach!"

* Twitter broke the other day, and a lot of people were going, "My Thumbs! My thumbs are moving for no reason! What's that?" "A book". <hissing noise> "Who are you?" "Dad. I miss you. Let's ''talk''."
* There was one guy that had an amazing claim to fame, in terms of drugs and sports. And his name was [[Wikipedia:Dock Ellis|Dock Ellis]]. And Dock Ellis did an incredible thing. The one person who knows, thank you. Dock Ellis pitched a [[Wikipedia:No-hitter|no-hitter]] on LSD. Those of you who have taken LSD, tell the others how hard that might be. If I took LSD, I'd be talking to every blade of grass like <tiptoes across the stage> "Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!"

* ''[regarding Sarah Palin]'' "I know about Russia because I can see it from my front yard!" You have amazing eyesight, number one... Well, I can see San Quentin from my house, but that doesn't make me an expert on prison reform.

* [[Catherine the Great]], [[Golda Meir]], [[Indira Gandhi]]: These may not be women you'd want to fuck, but you definitely don't want to fuck ''with them''. And if you don't think [[Margaret Thatcher|a woman]] can handle a war, [[w:Falklands War|ask the Argentinians]].

* Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer: You can do it, just not as well as the others, really.

==Quotes about Williams==
[[File:Williams Tweeden.jpg|thumb| Playing one character at a time, for months on end, didn’t properly exploit Williams’ unique gift of being everyone at once. ~ [[w:Richard Corliss|Richard Corliss]] ]]
[[File:Empreintes Robbin Williams.jpg|thumb|What hurts most about the apparent [[suicide]] of Robin Williams is that as much as he achieved, he [[died]] in his own [[mind]] unfulfilled. ~ [[w:David Edelstein|David Edelstein]] ]]
[[File:Robin Williams in 2008.jpg|thumb|I don't think I've met anyone as exceptional as Robin was ... every [[moment]] ... could be explosive ''any'' which-way, you didn't know where it was going to go — you didn't know even where it came from — he seemed to be able to channel the [[Cosmos]], and at the same time he was always totally involved with the people around him, he really had a close touch with everybody he touched. ~ [[Terry Gilliam]] ]]
[[File:Robin Williams 2011 (2).jpg|thumb|When the gods ''gift you'' with the type of talent Robin had, there's a price to pay, there always is — it doesn’t come from [[nothing]], It comes from … probably deep problems inside, a concern, all sorts of [[fears]], and yet he could always channel those things and turn them into something gold… ~ [[Terry Gilliam]] ]]
[[File:Bill Maher in Fuck film.jpg|thumb|You could just tell there was a [[humanity]] in Robin Williams. … I didn’t know him well, but I always thought, there’s a very decent person there. ~ [[Bill Maher]] ]]
[[File:Watchmen Smiley.svg|thumb|[[w:Joel Silver|Joel Silver]] set his sights on developing … ''[[Watchmen]]'' into a feature film … Rumors swirled at the time … that … Robin Williams, fresh off his role as a delusional but sprightly vagabond in Gilliam’s ''[[The Fisher King]]'', could be tapped as Rorschach. ~ Kevin McFarland]]
[[File:Rorschach like Inkblot.svg|thumb|"Treatment is simple. The [[great]] [[clown]], [[w:Pagliacci|Pagliacci]], is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up". Man bursts into tears. "But doctor", he says, "I am Pagliacci." Good [[joke]]. Everybody [[laugh]] ~ [[Watchmen (film)|''Watchmen'']] based on the novel by [[Alan Moore]] ]]
[[File:Christopher Reeve MIT cropped.jpg|thumb| Robin is a person who gives to people 24 hours a day. The [[gift]] of [[joy]], the gift of [[laughter]]. Just to be in a room with Robin Williams is a privilege. He’s a gift to the [[world]]. ~ [[Christopher Reeve]] ]]
[[File:Olde Woolen Mill, North Berwick 2.jpg|thumb|He arrived in our [[lives]] as an alien – but he ended up touching every element of the [[human]] [[spirit]]. ~ [[Barack Obama]] ]]
[[File:Zelda Williams.jpg|thumb|Not just my [[world]], but the entire world is forever a little darker, less colorful and less full of [[laughter]] in his absence. We’ll just have to work twice as hard to fill it back up again. ~ [[w:Zelda Williams|Zelda Williams]] ]]

* '''Genie, you're free.'''
** [https://twitter.com/TheAcademy/status/498996314395246593 Tweet from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences (11 Aug 2014)], soon after news of William's death, accompanying an image of the Genie in the film [[Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'' (1992)]], which which was voiced by Williams.

* '''Robin Williams was a wonderful, kind and generous man.''' One important thing I remember about his personality is that he was unassuming — he never acted as if he was powerful or famous. Instead, he was always tender and welcoming, willing to help others with a smile or a joke. Robin was a brilliant comedian — there is no doubt. He was a compassionate, caring human being. While watching him work on the set of the film based on my life — ''[[Patch Adams (film)|Patch Adams]]'' — I saw that whenever there was a stressful moment, Robin would tap into his improvisation style to lighten the mood of cast and crew. … Contrary to how many people may view him, he actually seemed to me to be an introvert. When he invited me and my family into his home, he valued peace and quiet, a chance to breathe — a chance to get away from the fame that his talent has brought him. … I’m enormously grateful for his wonderful performance of my early life, which has allowed the Gesundheit Institute to continue and expand our work.
** [[Patch Adams]], in [http://time.com/3105119/robin-williams-dead-patch-adams-remembers/ "Patch Adams: ‘Thank You for All You’ve Given This World Robin, Thank You My Friend’" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* For years, we had watched with awe as a Niagara of wit poured from his unconscious. Where did that manic waterfall of funny have its source? … Unfortunately, sometimes the mind that runs so fast it can’t keep up with itself also has its downtime. '''I didn’t know he suffered from depression, although it doesn’t surprise me. But it makes me want to do something. I hope it makes us all want to do something.'''
** [[Alan Alda]], as quoted in "Remembering Robin Williams (1951–2014)" in ''TIME'' (13 August 2014)]

* '''There were jokes of his that made me laugh hard, but it was the going from one thing to another, making those connections.''' It’s like how you watch an improv group take suggestions. It was like Robin had the most brilliant audience inside his head throwing out suggestions, because he would put combinations together that were just crazy.''' And how he could work out of the [[moment]]. That working out of the moment is a gift, but he did it on another level.''' … He’s gonna be missed. There’s a hole, and it’s gonna take a long time to be filled.
** [[Lewis Black]], in [http://time.com/3104371/robin-williams-dead-lewis-black-remembrance/ in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* Poor Robin Williams, briefly enduring that lonely moment of morbid certainty where it didn’t matter how funny he was or who loved him or how many lachrymose obituaries would be written. '''I feel bad now that I was unduly and unbefittingly snooty about that handful of his films that were adjudged unsophisticated and sentimental. He obviously dealt with a pain that was impossible to render and ultimately insurmountable, the sentimentality perhaps an accompaniment to his childlike brilliance. We sort of accept that the price for that free-flowing, fast-paced, inexplicable comic genius is a counterweight of solitary misery. That there is an invisible inner economy that demands a high price for breathtaking talent.''' … Robin Williams could have tapped anyone in the western world on the shoulder and told them he felt down and they would have told him not to worry, that he was great, that they loved him. He must have known that. He must have known his wife and kids loved him, that his mates all thought he was great, that millions of strangers the world over held him in their hearts, a hilarious stranger that we could rely on to anarchically interrupt, the all-encompassing sadness of the world. '''Today Robin Williams is part of the sad narrative that we used to turn to him to disrupt.''' … we must reach inward and outward to the light that is inside all of us … Do you have time to tune in to Fox News, to cement your angry views to calcify the certain misery? What I might do is watch ''[[Mrs. Doubtfire]]''. Or ''[[Dead Poets Society]]'' or ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'' and I might be nice to people, mindful today how fragile we all are, how delicate we are, even when fizzing with divine madness that seems like it will never expire.
** [[Russell Brand]], in [http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/aug/12/russell-brand-robin-williams-divine-madness-broken-world "Russell Brand: Robin Williams’ divine madness will no longer disrupt the sadness of the world" in ''The Guardian'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''He was the patriarch of our little clan of comedians in San Francisco. All of us looked at him, in a way, as a father figure.''' … He was just very supportive. He was very shy, and possibly a little embarrassed by his fame. Inside, he really was a comic. Naturally, all comics just wanna hang around other comics, so he would come to these little clubs and open mics, and you’d get bumped, and he would go on and you’d have to follow him, which was always really terrifying because he’s so great, and people were so excited to just be in his presence. … I feel like he was a conduit — that everything he was feeding off of his brilliance was really something he was just channeling. But maybe what allowed him to be so humble and what endeared people to him was that humility, and that he would just turn on that brilliance for you. It was the ultimate form of being present, to channel it. I think that he was very spiritual in a lot of ways. I think it’s so unique you can’t emulate it. If you look at the way comedy is, and look at its history, you don’t find anybody like him at all, except for maybe [[w:Jonathan Winters|Jonathan Winters]] is the closest, and he also was a very dreamlike figure.
** [[Margaret Cho]] [http://time.com/3103608/robin-williams-dead-margaret-cho-remembrance/ "Margaret Cho Remembers Robin Williams: He Was a ‘Father Figure’" by Larry Getlen in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* I guarantee you that thousands, hearing of Robin’s death, asked how he could do it when he had everything: fame, wealth, adulation, family love. And another supposed insulator against the worst of the blues, plenty of work. No combination of those adds up to insurance. And the hectic, nerve-wracking ups and downs of fortune in show business are, of course, a major factor for emotional disequilibrium. … '''I know Robin knew this.''' His death recalled a moment with him years ago in a small club. '''He came off stage after bringing a cheering audience to its feet. “Isn’t it funny how I can bring great happiness to all these people,” he said. “But not to myself.” ''' The non-actor has a major advantage because it’s harder to hide the symptoms. The actor knows how to act.
** [[Dick Cavett]], in [http://time.com/3106170/robin-williams-dead-dick-cavett-suicide-depression/ "Dick Cavett: Robin Williams Won’t Be the Last Suicidal Star" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* Robin and I agreed once that it’s galling to hear — when you’re “in it” — the question: “What have you got to be depressed about?” The great British actor and comedian, [[Stephen Fry]], a fellow-sufferer, replies “And what have you got to have asthma about?” Robin, like his idol [[w:Jonathan Winters|Jonathan Winters]], must have had one of the world’s hardest talents with which to live and retain personal balance. Sitting next to him on my old PBS show was like sitting in the Macy’s barge next to the fireworks going off. He was at full, manic, comic frenzy for an hour without let-up. (We even improvised a short [[Shakespeare]] play together, with and without rhymed couplets.) '''I caught his manic energy. It was exhilarating. And exhausting.''' When it ended, I was wet and spent. It took him a while to come (partially) down, and I thought, “Can this be good for anyone? Can you be able to do all these rapid-fire personality changes and emerge knowing who you yourself are?… Some day, will some chemical link be found between great, great performing talent and susceptibility to that awful conqueror of the talented performer? Are the [[gods]] jealous? Do they cruelly envy the greatly gifted and, in the classic Greek manner, smite them low? The somewhat grim answer: '''We’d better enjoy them while we can.'''
** [[Dick Cavett]], in "Dick Cavett: Robin Williams Won’t Be the Last Suicidal Star" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''Playing one character at a time, for months on end, didn’t properly exploit Williams’ unique gift of being everyone at once.''' His true model and mentor was not an [[Laurence Olivier|Olivier]] or [[Marlon Brando|Brando]] but freeform comic [[w:Jonathan Winters|Jonathan Winters]], who also battled to call a truce with the manifold Genie geniuses in his head. … Why does a clown want to play [[Hamlet]]? Maybe because he thinks he is that melancholy soul whom others find amusingly odd. Williams dropped Mork’s na-nu na-nu and entered dramatic film with the lead in ''[[w:The World According to Garp|The World According to Garp]]''. … Williams infused weird wonder in voice roles for animated features — not only ''[[Aladdin (film)|Aladdin]]'' but ''[[Robots]]'' and ''[[Happy Feet]]''. He was a cartoon, with all the characters, in a man’s body. … '''He could play anyone, but not just one: not “just” Robin Williams. All those voices in the head of this comic Hamlet must have told him it was time to be quiet. The rest is silence.
** [[w:Richard Corliss|Richard Corliss]], in [http://time.com/3102058/robin-williams-dead-remembrance-richard-corliss/ "Robin Williams: The Comic Who Was Hamlet" in ''TIME'' obituary (11 August 2014)]

* On Monday night, as fans around the world began to grieve Robin Williams’s death, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences — best known, in many circles, as the people behind the Oscars — sent out what may be the iconic social media image of Williams’s death. …['''Genie, you're free.'''] … More than 270,000 people have shared the tweet, which means that, per the analytics site Topsy, as many as 69 million people have seen it. The problem? It violates well-established public health standards for how we talk about [[suicide]]. “If it doesn’t cross the line, it comes very, very close to it,” said Christine Moutier, chief medical officer at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. “Suicide should never be presented as an option. That’s a formula for potential contagion.”
** Caitlin Dewey, in [http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2014/08/12/suicide-contagion-and-social-media-the-dangers-of-sharing-genie-youre-free/ "Suicide contagion and social media: The dangers of sharing ‘Genie, you’re free’" in ''The Washington Post'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''What hurts most about the apparent [[suicide]] of Robin Williams is that as much as he achieved, he [[died]] in his own [[mind]] unfulfilled.''' And to an extent, he was unfulfilled — he never found a form that would capture the [[genius]] of his stand-up act or his early appearances on ''[[w:The Tonight Show|The Tonight Show]]'', when his mind worked faster than anyone alive and very possibly dead, when he seemed to be channeling a fleet of circling [[UFO]]s containing the galaxy’s best [[comedy]] [[writers]]. '''The man didn’t need to play a sitcom alien to seem as if he had his own extraterrestrial [[energy]] field.'''
**[[w:David Edelstein|David Edelstein]], in [http://www.vulture.com/2014/08/robin-williams-tribute-obituary.html "Robin Williams, 1951-2014: The Measure of the Man Was Vast" at ''Vulture'' (11 August 2014)]

* '''Williams gave tremendous performances in a handful of movies, but it was Williams bottled and, in most cases, domesticated.''' It didn’t have that free-form, unfettered genius. That said, his nattering sailor in Robert Altman’s messy ''[[Popeye]]'' was musically dazzling. Even more musical was his performance in [[w:Paul Mazursky|Paul Mazursky]]’s ''[[w:Moscow on the Hudson|Moscow on the Hudson]]'', in which the sadness of ''not'' being able to perform was right there in his eyes. … The combination of mania and melancholy tapped something beautiful in him. '''In ''[[The Fisher King]]'', Williams was also at the height of his powers. He knew how to play a man [[dangerously]] in touch with unseen [[forces]], a [[holy]] [[fool]]''', and for once he played opposite actors who were, each in their own way, [[worthy]] of him: [[w:Jeff Bridges|Jeff Bridges]], [[w:Mercedes Ruehl|Mercedes Ruehl]], and, most memorably, [[w:Amanda Plummer|Amanda Plummer]], who should have partnered with him again. We do need to talk about those “domesticated” parts, because they were the ones that won him a huge mainstream audience and, in the case of his avuncular, bearded psychiatrist in ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'', an Oscar. '''This was Williams the crinkle-eyed [[humanist]].''' … The saddest thing is that Williams never found a collaborator who could give him the combination of structure and freedom in which he could thrive … But you know what? You could put together a highlight reel of Williams’s work … and see that the measure of the man was vast. '''Even when his talent was cruelly constricted, his [[soul]] was limitless.'''
**[[w:David Edelstein|David Edelstein]], in "Robin Williams, 1951-2014: The Measure of the Man Was Vast" at ''Vulture'' (11 August 2014)

* '''To the generation of kids who grew up on his movies, Williams was a revelation, a teacher and a lifeline.''' It might seem ridiculous for a generation to claim a universally loved celebrity as their own, but if there was ever a Millennial hero, it was Robin Williams. '''The news that Williams had died, at the age of 63, hit the world like a shockwave yesterday.''' For many older Millennials, like me, who grew up in the ’80s and ’90s, the loss strikes as a particularly hard blow. … Williams’ Dr. Sean Maguire, a counselor who becomes a father-figure to the troubled title character in ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'', punctured even my teenage gloom. He wasn’t jokey, he wasn’t zany, he wasn’t any of the things I had come to associate with Robin Williams, but his warmth was wholly recognizable and I was in awe. And then there’s ''[[Dead Poets Society]]'', one of the ultimate teenage movies … The movie’s plot, which centers on a conservative boys school where a [[radical]] [[teacher]] [[works]] against the [[system]] to inspire his students, is hardly original and I knew that even back then. But the [[zeal]] and [[honesty]] that Williams’ poured into John Keating almost single-handedly elevated the movie from a cliché to an actual [[inspiration]]. Like any teenager, I was a bit disillusioned by school in general, but books and learning and truth were still things that could lure me and Williams’ Keating made a great case for them. To this day, I still can’t resist Williams’ line, “But [[poetry]], [[beauty]], [[romance]], [[love]], these are what we stay [[alive]] for.” '''Yet even with the years of cinematic evidence, I didn’t quite realize how much of an influence Williams had on my generation until today.''' … Everyone seemed to have their own personal memory about watching his films growing up. He was the teacher we always wanted, the baby-sitter we would have loved, the best friend who knew exactly how to make us laugh. It feels like I have always known that Robin Williams was an amazing actor, but I never understood just how amazing. Because looking back on it, I realize that '''his best roles didn’t define him — they helped define us.'''
** Megan Gibson, in [http://time.com/3103255/robin-williams-dead-millennial-hero/ "Why Robin Williams Was a Millennial Hero" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''I don't think I've met anyone as exceptional as Robin was … every moment … could be explosive ''any'' which-way, you didn’t know where it was going to go — you didn’t know even where it came from — he seemed to be able to channel the [[Cosmos]], and at the same time he was always totally involved with the people around him, he really had a close touch with everybody he touched.''' He was absolutely extraordinary. … He seemed to be able to be … a kind of receptor of all knowledge, whatever it was, whether it was in the news, something from an encyclopedia, or from a book, he seemed to ''know'' all of this stuff, and he could then reassemble it, in the most incredible combinations — which was always surprising, funny and … outrageous, really, and I don't know how he did it. … That was always the [[miracle]] of Robin, it was something I've never bean able to explain.
** [[Terry Gilliam]], in video interview, [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-28742837 "Terry Gilliam on the 'miracle of Robin Williams'" at ''BBC News'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''It's just this incredible talent was there that kept him really bright and bouncy… I'm sure on his own, and a lot of times on his own, that wasn't there.''' I think being around people … '''I don’t even think it was even performing at times … I think it was just some [[wondrous]] [[moment]], as this stuff poured out of him, he was exhilarated by it as much as we were, and I think that was so important to Robin.''' And at the same time, he was one of the sweetest people ever walking the planet. '''He really cared about people.''' That's what I found ''amazing'' to be able to see an incredibly huge and complex vision of the world, and yet always, all the individual around him, he was in touch with all the time.
** [[Terry Gilliam]], in "Terry Gilliam on the 'miracle of Robin Williams'" at ''BBC News'' (12 August 2014)

* '''When the gods ''gift you'' with the type of talent Robin had, there's a price to pay, there always is — it doesn’t come from [[nothing]], It comes from … probably deep problems inside, a concern, all sorts of fears, and yet he could always channel those things and turn them into something gold '''… I think that just comes with the territory, frankly.
** [[Terry Gilliam]], in "Terry Gilliam on the 'miracle of Robin Williams'" at ''BBC News'' (12 August 2014)

* '''Robin was a gifted actor and comedian, but he was also a true friend and supporter of our troops.''' From entertaining thousands of service men and women in war zones, to his philanthropy that helped veterans struggling with hidden wounds of war, he was a loyal and compassionate advocate for all who serve this nation in uniform. He will be dearly missed by the men and women of DoD - so many of whom were personally touched by his humor and generosity.
** [[Chuck Hagel]], in [http://www.defense.gov/releases/release.aspx?releaseid=16883 News Release No: NR-424-14 : Statement by Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel on the Passing of Robin Williams (11 August 2014)]

* So many times you meet people they don't impact you. You meet them and they're gracious and they're nice, and then '''there are sometimes when you meet somebody and they say one thing and for the rest of your life you carry that one thing and they don't even know that they impacted your life.''' So here's Robin Williams fully decked out in elephantiasis makeup, like he was the Elephant Man, and we were talking and I'm being super quiet, and he just kind of turns to me and he said, “What's your name?” And I said, “I'm Mila.” And he said, “Yeah? You're on ''[[That '70s Show|'70s]]''?” And then he said, “'''[[Remember]] this [[moment]]. Remember this because things like this don't happen very often. Remember this [[time]].”''' Having somebody of Robin Williams' stature tell me to just acknowledge something meant so much. He didn't ''mentor'' me. He just said, “'''Step back and appreciate this. You're having an amazing time.'''” I was so nervous. And he said, “'''Relax. And don't forget to enjoy yourself because things like this don't happen to everyone.'''” … All he did was say, "Enjoy yourself and don't forget this." Like: "'''Just take a breath and acknowledge that you have an amazing opportunity.'''” 
** [[w:Mila Kunis|Mila Kunis]], as quoted in [http://www.esquire.com/blogs/news/mila-kunis-robin-williams "Robin Williams' Advice to Mila Kunis: 'Remember This Moment'" in ''Esquire'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''Robin and I had a nice friendly relationship. I can’t claim I knew him well, but honestly, I don’t know how many people did.''' He seemed like the kind of guy who didn’t open up to a lot of people. … The thing about Robin that I loved the most — and again, with limited experience — is that when he did my show, he was so great at it, because he was able to achieve something that eludes a lot of comedians who have tried to do ''[[Real Time with Bill Maher|Real Time]]''. It’s not an easy show to do because you have to be very smart about politics. We don’t use a lot of show business people on the panel. I can name the show business people who can do it on a couple of hands — [[Ben Affleck]], [[George Clooney]], [[w:Alec Baldwin|Alec Baldwin]], [[Kerry Washington]] — people who are very politically aware and involved, and that is their passion.… But Robin did the panel, and he was able to both modulate his normal manic persona down to what was appropriate for the show he was doing, and also, completely still be Robin Williams. That is not an easy trajectory to find, and he did, and I always loved him for it. First of all, it means you’re humble — that you understand that you have to shape-shift a little to the show you’re doing. Some people don’t do that. Some people just refuse to do that. They wanna be exactly who they are, on whatever show they’re doing. I don’t agree with that. I think when you’re the guest, you have to bend a little. He did that. '''He was still Robin Williams, but he was exactly right for the show he was doing.'''
** [[Bill Maher]], in [http://time.com/3105100/robin-williams-dead-bill-maher/ "Bill Maher: ‘You Could Just Tell There Was a Humanity in Robin Williams’" by Larry Getlen, in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''His style, when it came on the scene, looked completely new to people, and in many ways it was. He was fast and furious, and I think there’s something else that’s behind there that you can’t really quantify or define, but you could just tell there was a [[humanity]] in Robin Williams.''' He seems like a genuinely nice guy, like a good person who cares and tries to give back to the community. Some people, you get the impression that they’re putting on an act all the time. I didn’t get that impression with Robin Williams. I didn’t know him well, but I always thought, there’s a very decent person there.
** [[Bill Maher]], in ‘You Could Just Tell There Was a Humanity in Robin Williams’" by Larry Getlen, in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)

* In the late 1980’s, film producer [[w:Joel Silver|Joel Silver]] set his sights on developing [[Alan Moore]] and [[w:Dave Gibbons|Dave Gibbons]]’ massively successful graphic novel ''[[Watchmen]]'' into a feature film with director [[Terry Gilliam]]. '''Rumors swirled at the time''', and the 2005 ''Entertainment Weekly'' oral history of the project confirmed that [[Arnold Schwarzenegger]] was in line for Dr. Manhattan, [[w:Richard Gere|Richard Gere]] showed interest, and '''Robin Williams, fresh off his role as a delusional but sprightly vagabond in Gilliam’s ''[[The Fisher King]]'', could be tapped as Rorschach.''' During the hellish development, which would bounce between studios and producers for decades until [[w:Zach Snyder|Zach Snyder]]’s film hit theaters five years ago, casting attention switched from Williams to [[w:Brad Dourif|Brad Dourif]], allegedly due to wariness over fan perception that Williams was unsuitable for the part. Going in a direction away from a captivating comedic performer with overtones of chained darkness looked foolish when [[w:Michael Keaton|Michael Keaton]] proved an excellent Batman as that comic franchise dominated the box office. And that criticism seems even more baseless decades later, after ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'', ''[[Insomnia (2002 film)|Insomnia]]'', ''[[One Hour Photo]]'', and many other films that proved Williams’ heft. '''Rorschach, a deeply haunted man with an ever-changing mask that doesn’t hide an unmistakable [[voice]], [[now]] seems like it would have been a [[perfect]] fit.''' There’s little point in rueing a missed opportunity from 25 years ago. But in the aftermath of Williams’ death at his Bay Area home yesterday, '''many people were quick to point to a moment in ''Watchmen'' when Rorschach sneeringly recites a grim joke about a depressed man who seeks help from a doctor, which now rings frighteningly true:'''
:: ''I heard a joke once. Man goes to doctor, says he's depressed. Life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. '''Doctor says "Treatment is simple. The [[great]] [[clown]], [[w:Pagliacci|Pagliacci]], is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up". Man bursts into tears. "But doctor", he says, "I am Pagliacci." '''Good [[joke]]. Everybody [[laugh]]. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.''
:* Kevin McFarland, in [http://boingboing.net/2014/08/12/remembering-robin-williams-ci.html "Remembering Robin Williams, cinema's Rorschach test" at ''BOING BOING'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''Though a terrifically engaging screen presence at his most gregarious and joke-focused, he had to chops to be just as mesmerizing when muted, which would only draw out tension for the moment when he could turn on the jets and shift to full bombast.''' I’m not sure I can think of another actor with Williams’ combined dominant traits: instantly recognizable for his warmth and energy, fiercely multitalented, flying between understated and exuberant emotional extremes in comedy and drama, and yet maligned whenever the unpredictable balance he struck in a given performance didn’t match the critical ideal. In that way his Academy Award for ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'' in 1997 is both the peak of his control and the most patronizing harness of his career. Here is your reward for taking the raging combustion, powerful as a radiant star, and tamping it down to understated levels while remaining perforated, so that emotional peaks still have a chance to flare out. It was an unhelpful and unjust expectation on an actor who did nothing but give of himself to his performance. …''' it’s too limiting right now to call Robin Williams simply a comedian, despite the tremendous outpouring from the comedy community that continues today. He was an actor, one of the most gifted and adventurous performers of his generation''', and it’s a [[shame]] that it took something like his tragic death to take stock of the possibility that the outsized expectations of an audience could have prevented more people from simply enjoying the effort Williams made in so many films, no matter the critical adjudication.
:* Kevin McFarland, in "Remembering Robin Williams, cinema's Rorschach test" at ''BOING BOING'' (12 August 2014)

* Robin Williams was an airman, a doctor, a genie, a nanny, a president, a professor, a bangarang [[Peter Pan]], and everything in between. But he was one of a kind. '''He arrived in our lives as an alien – but he ended up touching every element of the human spirit. He made us laugh. He made us cry. He gave his immeasurable talent freely and generously to those who needed it most''' – from our troops stationed abroad to the marginalized on our own streets. The Obama family offers our condolences to Robin’s family, his friends, and everyone who found their voice and their verse thanks to Robin Williams.
** [[Barack Obama]], in [http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2014/08/11/statement-president-passing-robin-williams "Statement by the President on the Passing of Robin Williams" (11 August 2014)]

* '''My friendship with Robin Williams is one of the real joys of my life''' … Robin is a person who gives to people 24 hours a day. The gift of joy, the gift of laughter. Just to be in a room with Robin Williams is a privilege. He’s a gift to the world.
** [[Christopher Reeve]], as quoted in [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/08/12/robin-williams-and-christopher-reeve-s-epic-friendship-and-the-greatest-williams-story-ever-told.html "Robin Williams and Christopher Reeve's Epic Friendship and the Greatest Williams Story Ever Told" in ''The Daily Beast'' (12 August 2014)]

* In the wake of Williams' death at his home here Monday, fans around the world have struggled to understand what could have led a man whose thousand-megawatt comic persona had brought so much joy to millions to such depths of despair. But '''Williams' closest friends and colleagues knew well that the beneath his manic, Technicolor exterior, the actor had battled depression for years.''' In recent months — as Williams wrestled with the cancellation of his CBS TV series ''[[The Crazy Ones]]'' and fought to maintain a sobriety that had at times proved fragile — those friends could see that he was losing that fight. …  In early July, Williams checked himself into the Hazelden addiction treatment center in Center City, Minn. He had not fallen off the wagon, his publicist said at the time, but was instead struggling to hold himself together as he crumbled under the weight of depression. 
** Josh Rottenberg, Amy Kaufman and Lee Romney, in [http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/movies/la-et-mn-robin-williams-last-days-20140813-story.html#page=1 "Robin Williams' friends saw signs he was succumbing to depression" in ''The Los Angeles Times'' (13 August 2014)]

* '''This morning, I lost my husband and my best [[friend]], while the world lost one of its most beloved artists and beautiful human beings.''' I am utterly heartbroken. On behalf of Robin's family, we are asking for privacy during our time of profound grief. As he is remembered, it is our hope the focus will not be on Robin's death, but on the countless moments of joy and laughter he gave to millions.
** Susan Schneider, his widow, as quoted in [http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/robin-williams-family-movingly-remembers-725138 Robin Williams' Family Movingly Remembers "A Gentle Soul" Who "Loved to Laugh"] by Gregg Kilday, in ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (12 August 2014)

* Robin Williams was beloved by the U.S. military, perhaps even more so than by the American public. '''He carried [[Bob Hope]]’s mantle as a funny man far from home, often in inhospitable places.''' Throughout his career, Williams made six [[w:USO|USO]] tours to [[Iraq]], [[Afghanistan]], and 11 other countries and performed for 90,000 troops by the time of his final tour in 2010.
** Mark Thompson, in [http://time.com/3103930/robin-williams-military-uso/ "The Military Absolutely Loved Robin Williams" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''The death of Robin Williams this week was a shock, the kind of event that makes people stop, even in the crush of other terrible news from all corners of the globe, and feel a stinging sense of loss for someone they never met.''' That there was the ritual rush of response on Twitter, Facebook, and in online comments, was to be expected. Though Williams had had issues with substance abuse, and made trips to rehab, this wasn't someone who seemed in danger of going over the edge. The idea that a performer who was synonymous with rapid-fire wit and boundless energy would take his own life was at first hard to believe, and then deeply sad. But even as Williams is mourned, the scope of reactions illustrates how wide-ranging his appeal was. … '''this performer known for his anarchic merriment was sometimes at his best when he was most subtle. And Williams' best was something special, and rare, and worth remembering.'''
** Kristi Turnquist, in [http://www.oregonlive.com/movies/index.ssf/2014/08/robin_williams_the_timeless_ap.html "Robin Williams: The timeless appeal of his best movies -- and a memorable TV appearance on 'Louie'" in ''The Oregonian'' (13 August 2014)]

* '''Yesterday, I lost my father and a best friend and the world got a little grayer.''' I will carry his heart with me every day. I would ask those that loved him to remember him by being as gentle, kind, and generous as he would be. '''Seek to bring [[joy]] to the world as he sought.'''
** Zachary Williams, as quoted in [http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/robin-williams-family-movingly-remembers-725138 Robin Williams' Family Movingly Remembers "A Gentle Soul" Who "Loved to Laugh"] by Gregg Kilday, in ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (12 August 2014)

* '''He was always warm, even in his darkest moments.''' While I’ll never, ever understand how he could be loved so deeply and not find it in his heart to stay, there’s minor comfort in knowing our grief and loss, in some small way, is shared with millions. It doesn’t help the pain, but at least it’s a burden countless others now know we carry, and so many have offered to help lighten the load. Thank you for that. To those he touched who are sending kind words, know that one of his favorite things in the world was to make you all laugh. As for those who are sending negativity, know that some small, giggling part of him is sending a flock of pigeons to your house to poop on your car. Right after you’ve had it washed. After all, he loved to laugh too… '''Dad was, is and always will be one of the kindest, most generous, gentlest souls I’ve ever known, and while there are few things I know for certain right now, one of them is that not just my world, but the entire world is forever a little darker, less colorful and less full of laughter in his absence. We’ll just have to work twice as hard to fill it back up again.
** [[w:Zelda Williams|Zelda Williams]], as quoted in [http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/robin-williams-family-movingly-remembers-725138 Robin Williams' Family Movingly Remembers "A Gentle Soul" Who "Loved to Laugh"] by Gregg Kilday, in ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (12 August 2014)

* When he auditioned for the role of Mork from Ork on ''[[Happy Days]]'' (1974), producer [[w:Garry Marshall|Garry Marshall]] told him to sit down. '''Williams immediately sat on his head on the chair.''' Marshall hired him, saying that he was the only alien who auditioned. During the making of ''[[Mork & Mindy]]'' (1978), '''Williams departed from the scripts and ad libbed so many times and so well, that the producers stopped trying to make him stick to the script and deliberately left gaps in the later scripts leaving only, "Mork can go off here" in those places so Robin could improvise.''' … Asked by [[w:James Lipton|James Lipton]] about what he would like [[God]] to say when he arrives in [[heaven]], Williams answered that "There is a seat in the front" in the concert of [[Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart]] and [[Elvis Presley]].
** [http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/latest-news/odd-facts-about-robin-williams/story-fn3dxix6-1227021946139?nk=a7a4029d84365fedfec8d502e2787d1a "Odd facts about Robin Williams" in ''The Australian'' (12 August 2014)]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

* {{official website|http://www.robinwilliams.com}}
* {{IMDb name|245}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Williams, Robin}}
[[Category:2014 deaths]]
[[Category:Stand-up comedians]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:American stand-up comedians]]
[[Category:American actors]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:People from Illinois]]
[[Category:Anglicans]]

Robin Williams

2016-12-27T05:31:39Z

StjJackson: /* Robin Williams: Live on Broadway (2002) */

[[File:Robin Williams 2011a (2).jpg |thumb|[[Comedy]] can be a [[cathartic]] way to deal with [[personal]] [[trauma]].]]
'''[[w:Robin Williams|Robin McLaurin Williams]]''' ([[July 21]], [[1951]] – [[August 11]], [[2014]]) was an [[w:United States|American]] stand-up comedian, actor, director, producer, writer, singer, voice artist, and comedian.

==Quotes==
[[File:Defense.gov News Photo 041214-A-4934L-1562.jpg|thumb|You're only given a little spark of madness and if you lose that, you're [[nothing]].]]
[[File:Robin Williams Canada.jpg|thumb|I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."]]
[[File:Robin Williams.jpg|thumb|right|You have the right to bear arms, you have the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!]]
[[File:Robin Williams Aviano.jpg|thumb|Unless you're passing a bowling ball, I don't think so.]]
[[File:Robin williams uso.jpg|thumb|And if you want a linguistic adventure, go [[drinking]] with a Scotsman. 'Cause you can't fuckin' [[understand]] them ''before!'']]
[[File:Robin Williams in Camp Phoenix.jpg|thumb|Some people say [[Jesus]] wasn't [[Jewish]]. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents! Come on! He [[work]]s in his [[father]]'s [[business]], his [[Mother|mom]] thought he was [[God]]'s [[gift]]! He's Jewish! Give it up!]]
[[File:Robin Williams Bahrain.jpg|thumb|What kind of [[food]] did we drop on [[Afghanistan]]? Pop-Tarts, peanut butter... just add a Honey Baked Ham and you've got a redneck [[Christmas]].]]
[[File:Robin Williams 2008.jpg|thumb|In the midst of all this, there was [[w:Bernard Madoff|Bernie Madoff]]. An embezzler named "made off." Hmm. Was the [[name]] not a [[clue]]? Did he have to be with the [[accounting]] firm of Dewey, Fuckyou, and Howe?]]
[[File:Happy Feet Premiere (307985736).jpg|thumb|[[Catherine the Great]], [[Golda Meir]], [[Indira Gandhi]]: These may not be women you'd want to fuck, but you definitely don't want to fuck ''with them.'' And if you don't think a [[Margaret Thatcher|woman]] can [[w:Falklands War|handle a war]], ask the Argentinians.]]
[[File:Robin Williams.jpg|thumb|One of the fundamental things is in a jihad! That sounds like a country western term like, "Jiii-had!"]]


* '''I would like to do for you now, a Japanese science fiction movie: "Attack of the Killer Vibrators."''' 
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH7crqRvhhc Performance at the L.A. Improv (1977)]

* Before I go on, I want to ask if there are any [[w:Hell's Angels|Hell's Angels]] here tonight? ''[no response]'' … Those pussy-whipped faggots!
** Performance at the L.A. Improv (1977)

* I would like to do [[Shakespeare]]'s only unknown piece, ''That's the Way I Lick It'' ... It's a bleak night my Lord. '''Look! The [[moon]] like a testicle hangs low in the sky. This bodes not well.''' ... Anon, post-haste, let's get a larger crowd in here. Free Cocaine! There's no luck. Does anyone have drugs to ease my pain? My Kingdom for a Quaalude! … It is the end! I must go, for I cannot come here, and yet, it has been brief, 'tis over, and the lights do turn bright. ''I'm melting! [[James_Clavell#The_Fly_.281958.29|Help me! Help me!]]'' 
** Performance at the L.A. Improv (1977)

*  '''You're only given a little spark of madness and if you lose that, you're [[nothing]].'''
** ''A Night at the Roxy'' (1978)

* [[Death]] is [[nature]]'s way of saying, "Your table is ready."
** As quoted in ''The Fourth—And by Far the Most Recent—637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said'' (1990) edited by Robert Byrne, p, 518

* '''Parry is a man with a previous life that was so damaged that he had to create another [[personality]].''' … It's like post-traumatic stress syndrome: Some [[people]] respond to traumatic or tragic events by withdrawal; some even create other personalities. '''Parry is a creation — somewhat [[w:Don Quixote|Don Quixote]], somewhat [[Groucho Marx]] — but he's a creation designed to avoid a past event.'''
** On his role in ''[[The Fisher King]]'' (1991), as quoted in [http://www.smart.co.uk/dreams/fkprod1.htm "Dreams: ''The Fisher King''" (2006) edited by Phil Stubbs]

* '''[[Comedy]] can be a [[cathartic]] way to deal with [[personal]] [[trauma]].'''
** [http://parade.condenast.com/154817/dotsonrader/robin-williams-on-returning-to-tv-getting-sober-and-downsizing-in-his-60s/ "Robin Williams on Returning to TV, Getting Sober, and Downsizing in His 60s", ''Parade'' (12 September 2013)]

===''Reality...What a Concept'' (1979)===
* I'd like to start the show by showing you something I'm very proud of. You'll have to step back, though.

* ''[spoofing [[Fred Rogers|Mr. Rogers]]]'' It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood... oh, damn, someone stole my sneakers. Let's do some wonderful things today, boys and girls; but first, do you mind if I take some more medication? It helps the day go a little bit slower. There we go. Now we're gonna do some wonderful experiments you can do around the house. Let's put Mr. Hamster in the microwave, okay?... He knows where he's going. BEEP! ''Pop'' goes the weasel! That's severe radiation. Can you say "severe radiation"? Oh, look, you got a little balloon now.

* ''[as a Shakespearean narrator]'' Mind not my words — Let the ''play'' be the thing. I'll get back forth and touch myself anon.

* I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."

* There was an old, crazy dude who used to live a long time ago. His name was Lord Buckley. And he said, a long time ago, he said, "People: They're kinda like flowers and it's been a privilege walking in your garden." My love goes with you.

===''[[w:A Night at the Met|A Night at the Met]]'' (1986)===
* My God, what am I doing here? It's weird. How do you get to the Met? Money! Lots and lots of money! I can imagine [[w:Luciano Pavarotti|Pavarotti]] next door at the improv going, "Two Jews walk into a bar..."

* Beer commercials usually show ''big'' men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's 5:00 in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."

* The sound crapped out for a bit, that's why I'm using [[w:suppository|SupposiSound]]! No one wants their tapes back, I wonder why.

* We were talking briefly about cocaine...yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!

* They call it freebasing. It's not free, it costs you your house! It should be called home basing! Three signs you're addicted to cocaine: First of all, if you come home to your house and you have no furniture and your cat's going "I'm outta here, prick!," Warning! Number two: If you have this dream where you're doing cocaine in your sleep and you can't fall asleep, and you wake up and you're doing cocaine, BINGO! Number three: if on your tax form it says, "$50,000 for snacks," MAYDAY!

* Baseball players have to go in front of a grand jury and say, "Yeah, I did cocaine. Can you blame me? It's a slow goddamn game! Come on Jack! Standing out in left field for seven innings, and there's a long white line going down to home plate! I see the guy putting it out going "Heh heh heh heh!!!!" And that damn organ music too, the whole [does intro to "Charge!"]! Third base coach is always doing this...[wiping nose, fidgeting around]. When he's doing that, I don't know whether to slide or do a line! People sliding into home plate head first, umpire goes, "You're out!" "No, baby, I'm up now! Ha ha ha!"

* The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!

* [On husbands sharing their wives' childbearing experience] Unless you're passing a bowling ball, I don't think so. Unless you're trying to circumcise yourself with a chainsaw, I don't think so. Unless you're opening an umbrella up your ass, I don't think so!

* Thank you. How-DY! Whoops, wrong opera house. How do you like the play, Mr. [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]]? Duck!

* [Comparing [[Ronald Reagan]]'s Cabinet to ''[[Star Wars]]''] There's [[Henry Kissinger]] as Yoda, "Must now cannot see understanding that I be here for you. I will show you now, Nicaragua, Cambodia, Nicaragua, Cambodia, shhh. Must later understand!"

===''[[w:Inside the Actors Studio|Inside the Actors Studio]]'' (2001)===
:Season 7, Episode 15 (10 June 2001)

* The professor was on acid, and sometimes he'd shout, "I'm Lincoln!" And then, there'd be a kid in the back, "I'm [[w:John Wilkes Booth|Booth]]!"

* (On creating) And you get that little endorphin buzz, it's great. Why do you think Einstein looked like that? I don't think he was going "You know this is some dynamite weed! It's all relative you know."

* (Imitating Royal Family) I've tell you we've not been inbred but don't look at the ears. That's all we can do is screw in a light bulb. Look at the teeth, look at the ears and go, something's gone wrong. Gene pool is a jacuzzi back up."

* I'd like to welcome you the [[w:Aircraft Owners and Pilots Association|AOPA]]. There's also aa-AOPA. If this is your first time flying a plane on alcohol, I'd like to welcome ya!

* Imitating [[w:Luciano Pavarotti|Pavarotti]]. "It is amazing I know it is huge. BEHOLD IT. IT IS GROWING. ALL OF MY PHALLUS IS A SHOWING!"

=== ''Robin Williams: Live on Broadway'' (2002)===
* Now, [[Michael Jackson|Michael]] is claiming racism. I'm going, "Honey, you gotta pick a race first." Baby, what are you claiming, mistreatment of elves? What are you saying?

* What kind of food did we drop on Afghanistan? Pop-Tarts, peanut butter…just add a Honey Baked Ham and you've got a redneck Christmas. Why are we dropping this food on Afghanistan? Tastes a hell of a lot better than dirt, #1. #2, difficult to have a call to jihad with a mouth full of peanut butter. Thirdly, Afghanistan is a hashish-smoking culture, and anyone who's ever been a friend of the hookah will go, (intense, stoned stare) "Pop-Tarts!"

* And that's when you realize that God gave you a penis and a brain and only enough blood to run one at a time.

* I do know this one thing. I know there is a cure for whatever bioterrorism that they send at us. I know there's one. And it lies within [[Keith Richards]], I know that. He is the only man on the planet who can go ''[pantomimes snorting a line of powder]'' "Anthrax? All riiiiight. Hey. Doesn't go with my ''E. coli'', but fuck." Keith is the only man who can make the Osbornes look fucking Amish. He's insane! I've seen Keith go to a drug dealer and the drug dealer's like "I'm out, man, I'm sorry. I have nothing left!" Supposedly, he goes to Switzerland and changes his blood, not like one pint, but like a fucking Chevrolet, all of it. I just wanna know, who gets his blood? Some old Swiss man's going "HEIDI! We got to go on tour, you bitch! Got to go pay for Mick's babies! C'mon!" Because I know this: we may all be dead and gone, Keith will still be there with five cockroaches. Keith'll go "You know I smoked your uncle, did you know that? Fucking crazy..."

* [''About pre-9/11 and post-9/11 airport security''] Airport security, remember before all this happened, was like, BEEP, 'Okay, get on the plane. Come on, get on the plane. Hold on one moment. What's that? Oh, that's a gun. Okay, get on the plane!' You could carry a four-inch blade on a plane. That's about that long. What are you doing, West Side Story in the aisle? "Going down the aisle! Crazy aisle!" Now, you can't even carry a nail-clipper on a plane. Are they afraid you're gonna go "ALL RIGHT! Gimme the plane or the bitch loses a cuticle! I have a nail file! I can be irritating!"

* Because now, when you go through airport security, it's tight. You go through the metal detector, and if you're heavily pierced, like some of my friends, it's like, ''(steps forward)'' "BZZT!" "Take out your keys, sir." Tip of the iceberg. ''(pantomimes removing various piercings from the ears, nostrils eyebrows, tongue; then reaches to the side, grabs an imaginary drill, points it at his crotch and makes a drilling noise)'' For those playing the home game, this is called a Prince Albert. And I'm sure that was his last wish. I'm sure Albert said "Victoria, I'm dying. I want you to name a museum, a performance hall, and a [[w:Prince Albert (genital piercing)|bolt through the cock]] after me. That will be [[w:Victoria's Secret|Victoria's Secret]]. Go, my darling!"

* [[George W. Bush|Dubya]] doesn't speak while [[Dick Cheney|Cheney]]'s drinking water. Check that shit out.

* One of the fundamental things is in a jihad. That sounds like a country western term like, "Jiii-had!"

* And people say to me, they say [[Jesus]] wasn't Jewish. I say of course he was Jewish. 30 years old, single, lives with his parents. Come on! Work in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift! He's Jewish! Give it up!

* But I know, as beatific as [[Gandhi]] was, there was somebody in a Bombay bar going, "I knew Gandhi...he was a prick. I saw him sucking down a pork hot dog, hitting on [[Mother Teresa]]. He kept saying, 'Who's your diaper daddy? Who's your diaper daddy?'"

* And the French. The French have a bomb, too. Maybe they have the Michelin Bomb—ah! Only destroys restaurants under 4 stars. And they still test their bombs. They're one of the few people who still detonate their bombs. The underground test. Where do they do it? In the Sahara in the total wasteland? No, fuck off! In Tahiti! In paradise. Why? "Because we're French. ''[pantomimes smoking a cigarette]'' Oh, look, a Greenpeace boat coming to protest—fuck off. I sink you.

*''[Imitating a Frenchman]'' Fuck all of you! You cultureless, crass Americans! We hate all of you! Fu—the Germans are here! Hello, Americans! I love you!

* ''[About the Swiss]'' The nice Germans, Yeah. Or as they like to say, the other white race. Now, I have only one question. How can you trust an army, how butch is an army that has a wine opener on its knife? "Many of you have never opened Chardonnay under fire! First, you pull the cork out, sniff it, say, 'Meat or fish?', and throw! ''(Military cadence)'' I don't know, but I've been told, Chardonnay must be served cold! Ja!"

* ''[Describing the drinking habits of different ethnic groups]'' You know if you're Irish, you've got a running start that you can do it better than we are. ''[Irish accent]'' You know that because if you're Irish, you know, you'll kick my ass but then you'll fuckin' sing about it afterwards. ''[sings, dances a jig]'' "Oh, the night you said my wife was fat, I knocked you down and shit in your hat!" And then you keep drinking 'til you're in your eighties and you're on a dialysis machine, doing Liverdance and Michael Flatline! ''Beeeeeep!'' And they say the Irish saved civilization, drank a couple of Guinness and forgot where they fuckin' put it, but that's all right. ''[shifting to Japanese accent]'' Here's the drill, and the Japanese? They drink differently than us. It is a different thing where you can be very polite during the day, and all of a sudden you "''arigatou gozaimasu''." And after five Jack Daniels..."TIE A YELLOW RIBBON! Hey, fuckers! Karaoke for asshole with a microphone! Sing, you round-eyed fuck, come on!" ''[shifting to Scottish accent]'' And if you want a linguistic adventure, go drinking with a Scotsman - 'cause you can't fuckin' understand them ''before''!

* And you realize how drunk (Scotsmen) get; they could wear [[w:Kilt|a skirt]] and not care! And how they could invent a sport like golf! ''[Imitating a drunk Scotsman]'' "Here's my idea for a fuckin' sport. I knock a ball in a gopher hole!" Oh, you mean like pool? "Fuck off pool! Not with a straight stick, with a little fucked-up stick! I'll whack a ball and it goes in a gopher hole!" Oh, you mean like croquet? "FUCK CROQUET! I'll put the hole hundreds of yards away! Oh, fuck, oh yeah! It's great fun, there! It's a great thing!" Oh, like a bowling thing? "FUCK NO! Not straight, I put shit in the way! Like trees and bushes and high grass! So you can lose your fuckin' ball and go whackin' away with a fuckin' tire iron! Whackin' away and every time you feel like you're going to have a stroke, ah ha! Fuck, that's what we'll call it, a 'stroke'! 'Cause every time you miss, you feel like you're going to fuckin' die! Oh great! And here's the better part, oh fuck, this is brilliant. Right near the end, I'll put a flat piece, with a little flag to give you fuckin' hope. But then I'll put in a pool and a sandbox to fuck with your ball again! Ah, you'll be there trashing your ass, jerking your way in the sand, ah ha!" Oh, and you do this one time? "FUCK NO! EIGHTEEN FUCKIN' TIMES!"

* I want [[w:Andrés Cantor|the guy who does Mexican soccer]] to do golf one time. "The ball is starting...the ball is going to the...HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE!" Just to see all those old WASPy motherfuckers go "Oh dear Christ! My God, they're not gardening, they're playing now, oh shit! What the hell are we gonna do?" Because that was their last domain of dominance. It was their area, they were the king, up until...[[w:Tiger Woods|Tiger]]. Yesss. Son of a black man and a Thai woman, not even a German geneticist could've thought that one up!

===''Weapons of Self Destruction'' (2010)===
* Welcome to Washington, D.C., where the buck stops here! Way to go. And then it's [[w:2008 Bank Bailout|handed out to AIG and many other people]].

* And you know that if they [[w:Marijuana|legalize it]], they'll have to regulate it, which means that they'll have to put a message on a box of joints, it'll say, "Surgeon General has determined this will make your music...'''awesome'''! Even Yanni. And if you think you liked cartoons ''before''..."

* There is one man that we can run for office that even the French would say "Fuck off!" That man...is [[w:Jack Nicholson|Jack Nicholson]]. Yes! You will never have a sex scandal with Jack because he has fucked ''everyone''!

*I was on this German talk show and this woman said to me, she said, "Mr. Williams, why do you think there's not so much comedy in Germany?" I said, "Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?" ''[laughter and applause]'' And...it was...and here's where it got interesting. She didn't bat an eyelash. She just went "No". At that point, even God's going, "Do you get it?!" German comedy: "Knock-knock--We ask the questions!".

* And if you're looking for [[Sarah Palin]]'s [[w:Going Rogue: An American Life|new book]], it is a bitch to find! I found it somewhere between fiction and non-fiction, in the fantasy aisle.

* My favorite athletes of any Olympics are always the African distance runners. You ''never'' have to drug test an African distance runner.
:"Are you on drugs?"
:"No, I'm looking for food."
:And I'm sure in Kenya they have a ''chicken'' that can run a sub 2-hour marathon....One of my favorite runners of all time was [[w:Abebe Bikila|Abebe Bikila]]. He was an Ethiopian distance runner and he won the Rome Olympics ''[marathon]'' running barefoot. He was then sponsored by Adidas. He ran the next Olympics, he ''carried the fuckin' shoes.'' No performance enhancement there.

* I walked into my son's room the other day, and he's got four screens going at the same time. He's watching a movie on one screen, playing a game on another, downloading something on this one, texting on that one, people say "He's got ADD." Fuck that, he's multitasking.

* When I was growing up they used to say, "Robin, drugs can kill you." Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me, "Robin, you need drugs to live." I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer...

* These drugs have side effects that go on for fuckin' days, like tendency-to-grow-another-head, oh my God! When ''we'' were growing up we knew the side effects of the drugs we were taking. Cocaine, side effects were paranoia, ninjas-on-the-lawn; quaaludes, side effects were talking in tongues, English as a second language; marijuana, side effects were laughter, Frosted Flakes.

* You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

* We still have great comedy out there. There's always ramblin' [[Joe Biden]]. What the fuck? Joe says shit that even people with [[Wikipedia:Tourette syndrome|Tourette's]] go "no..."

* Cheney [[w:Dick Cheney hunting incident|shot a man in the face]] hunting quail. I don't know about East coast quail, but California quail are this fucking big. ''(indicates a position about a foot above the stage floor)''

* In the midst of all this, there was [[w:Bernard Madoff|Bernie Madoff]]. An embezzler named "made off." Hmm. Was the name not a clue? Did he have to be with the accounting firm of Dewey, Fuckyou, and Howe?

* Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude?

* I went to rehab [for alcoholism] in wine country, just to keep my options open.

* I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, "Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?" And I said, "Did you ever think you [[w:Holocaust|killed all the funny people]]?"

* They made porn movies, of my movies! ''[[Good Will Hunting|Good Will Humping]]''? It's okay... ''[[What Dreams May Come (film)|Wet Dreams May Cum]]''? All right... ''[[Patch Adams (film)|Snatch Adams]]''? That was '''scary'''. A clown with a strap-on. ''[[Popeye (film)|Popeye]]''... I would watch that. "Ag-gag-gag-ga, I creamed me spinach!"

* Twitter broke the other day, and a lot of people were going, "My Thumbs! My thumbs are moving for no reason! What's that?" "A book". <hissing noise> "Who are you?" "Dad. I miss you. Let's ''talk''."

* Okay, let's look at the weather map...(screen behind him shows a massive cyclone) ...FUCK! This is Hurricane Siobhan, this map represents the entire south, the [[w:Eye (cyclone)|asshole in the middle]] is Dallas...um, back to you, Ted, I think I just shit myself.

* There was one guy that had an amazing claim to fame, in terms of drugs and sports. And his name was [[Wikipedia:Dock Ellis|Dock Ellis]]. And Dock Ellis did an incredible thing. The one person who knows, thank you. Dock Ellis pitched a [[Wikipedia:No-hitter|no-hitter]] on LSD. Those of you who have taken LSD, tell the others how hard that might be. If I took LSD, I'd be talking to every blade of grass like <tiptoes across the stage> "Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!"

* ''[regarding Sarah Palin]'' "I know about Russia because I can see it from my front yard!" You have amazing eyesight, number one... Well, I can see San Quentin from my house, but that doesn't make me an expert on prison reform.

* [[Catherine the Great]], [[Golda Meir]], [[Indira Gandhi]]: These may not be women you'd want to fuck, but you definitely don't want to fuck ''with them''. And if you don't think [[Margaret Thatcher|a woman]] can handle a war, [[w:Falklands War|ask the Argentinians]].

* Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer: You can do it, just not as well as the others, really.

==Quotes about Williams==
[[File:Williams Tweeden.jpg|thumb| Playing one character at a time, for months on end, didn’t properly exploit Williams’ unique gift of being everyone at once. ~ [[w:Richard Corliss|Richard Corliss]] ]]
[[File:Empreintes Robbin Williams.jpg|thumb|What hurts most about the apparent [[suicide]] of Robin Williams is that as much as he achieved, he [[died]] in his own [[mind]] unfulfilled. ~ [[w:David Edelstein|David Edelstein]] ]]
[[File:Robin Williams in 2008.jpg|thumb|I don't think I've met anyone as exceptional as Robin was ... every [[moment]] ... could be explosive ''any'' which-way, you didn't know where it was going to go — you didn't know even where it came from — he seemed to be able to channel the [[Cosmos]], and at the same time he was always totally involved with the people around him, he really had a close touch with everybody he touched. ~ [[Terry Gilliam]] ]]
[[File:Robin Williams 2011 (2).jpg|thumb|When the gods ''gift you'' with the type of talent Robin had, there's a price to pay, there always is — it doesn’t come from [[nothing]], It comes from … probably deep problems inside, a concern, all sorts of [[fears]], and yet he could always channel those things and turn them into something gold… ~ [[Terry Gilliam]] ]]
[[File:Bill Maher in Fuck film.jpg|thumb|You could just tell there was a [[humanity]] in Robin Williams. … I didn’t know him well, but I always thought, there’s a very decent person there. ~ [[Bill Maher]] ]]
[[File:Watchmen Smiley.svg|thumb|[[w:Joel Silver|Joel Silver]] set his sights on developing … ''[[Watchmen]]'' into a feature film … Rumors swirled at the time … that … Robin Williams, fresh off his role as a delusional but sprightly vagabond in Gilliam’s ''[[The Fisher King]]'', could be tapped as Rorschach. ~ Kevin McFarland]]
[[File:Rorschach like Inkblot.svg|thumb|"Treatment is simple. The [[great]] [[clown]], [[w:Pagliacci|Pagliacci]], is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up". Man bursts into tears. "But doctor", he says, "I am Pagliacci." Good [[joke]]. Everybody [[laugh]] ~ [[Watchmen (film)|''Watchmen'']] based on the novel by [[Alan Moore]] ]]
[[File:Christopher Reeve MIT cropped.jpg|thumb| Robin is a person who gives to people 24 hours a day. The [[gift]] of [[joy]], the gift of [[laughter]]. Just to be in a room with Robin Williams is a privilege. He’s a gift to the [[world]]. ~ [[Christopher Reeve]] ]]
[[File:Olde Woolen Mill, North Berwick 2.jpg|thumb|He arrived in our [[lives]] as an alien – but he ended up touching every element of the [[human]] [[spirit]]. ~ [[Barack Obama]] ]]
[[File:Zelda Williams.jpg|thumb|Not just my [[world]], but the entire world is forever a little darker, less colorful and less full of [[laughter]] in his absence. We’ll just have to work twice as hard to fill it back up again. ~ [[w:Zelda Williams|Zelda Williams]] ]]

* '''Genie, you're free.'''
** [https://twitter.com/TheAcademy/status/498996314395246593 Tweet from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences (11 Aug 2014)], soon after news of William's death, accompanying an image of the Genie in the film [[Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'' (1992)]], which which was voiced by Williams.

* '''Robin Williams was a wonderful, kind and generous man.''' One important thing I remember about his personality is that he was unassuming — he never acted as if he was powerful or famous. Instead, he was always tender and welcoming, willing to help others with a smile or a joke. Robin was a brilliant comedian — there is no doubt. He was a compassionate, caring human being. While watching him work on the set of the film based on my life — ''[[Patch Adams (film)|Patch Adams]]'' — I saw that whenever there was a stressful moment, Robin would tap into his improvisation style to lighten the mood of cast and crew. … Contrary to how many people may view him, he actually seemed to me to be an introvert. When he invited me and my family into his home, he valued peace and quiet, a chance to breathe — a chance to get away from the fame that his talent has brought him. … I’m enormously grateful for his wonderful performance of my early life, which has allowed the Gesundheit Institute to continue and expand our work.
** [[Patch Adams]], in [http://time.com/3105119/robin-williams-dead-patch-adams-remembers/ "Patch Adams: ‘Thank You for All You’ve Given This World Robin, Thank You My Friend’" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* For years, we had watched with awe as a Niagara of wit poured from his unconscious. Where did that manic waterfall of funny have its source? … Unfortunately, sometimes the mind that runs so fast it can’t keep up with itself also has its downtime. '''I didn’t know he suffered from depression, although it doesn’t surprise me. But it makes me want to do something. I hope it makes us all want to do something.'''
** [[Alan Alda]], as quoted in "Remembering Robin Williams (1951–2014)" in ''TIME'' (13 August 2014)]

* '''There were jokes of his that made me laugh hard, but it was the going from one thing to another, making those connections.''' It’s like how you watch an improv group take suggestions. It was like Robin had the most brilliant audience inside his head throwing out suggestions, because he would put combinations together that were just crazy.''' And how he could work out of the [[moment]]. That working out of the moment is a gift, but he did it on another level.''' … He’s gonna be missed. There’s a hole, and it’s gonna take a long time to be filled.
** [[Lewis Black]], in [http://time.com/3104371/robin-williams-dead-lewis-black-remembrance/ in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* Poor Robin Williams, briefly enduring that lonely moment of morbid certainty where it didn’t matter how funny he was or who loved him or how many lachrymose obituaries would be written. '''I feel bad now that I was unduly and unbefittingly snooty about that handful of his films that were adjudged unsophisticated and sentimental. He obviously dealt with a pain that was impossible to render and ultimately insurmountable, the sentimentality perhaps an accompaniment to his childlike brilliance. We sort of accept that the price for that free-flowing, fast-paced, inexplicable comic genius is a counterweight of solitary misery. That there is an invisible inner economy that demands a high price for breathtaking talent.''' … Robin Williams could have tapped anyone in the western world on the shoulder and told them he felt down and they would have told him not to worry, that he was great, that they loved him. He must have known that. He must have known his wife and kids loved him, that his mates all thought he was great, that millions of strangers the world over held him in their hearts, a hilarious stranger that we could rely on to anarchically interrupt, the all-encompassing sadness of the world. '''Today Robin Williams is part of the sad narrative that we used to turn to him to disrupt.''' … we must reach inward and outward to the light that is inside all of us … Do you have time to tune in to Fox News, to cement your angry views to calcify the certain misery? What I might do is watch ''[[Mrs. Doubtfire]]''. Or ''[[Dead Poets Society]]'' or ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'' and I might be nice to people, mindful today how fragile we all are, how delicate we are, even when fizzing with divine madness that seems like it will never expire.
** [[Russell Brand]], in [http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/aug/12/russell-brand-robin-williams-divine-madness-broken-world "Russell Brand: Robin Williams’ divine madness will no longer disrupt the sadness of the world" in ''The Guardian'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''He was the patriarch of our little clan of comedians in San Francisco. All of us looked at him, in a way, as a father figure.''' … He was just very supportive. He was very shy, and possibly a little embarrassed by his fame. Inside, he really was a comic. Naturally, all comics just wanna hang around other comics, so he would come to these little clubs and open mics, and you’d get bumped, and he would go on and you’d have to follow him, which was always really terrifying because he’s so great, and people were so excited to just be in his presence. … I feel like he was a conduit — that everything he was feeding off of his brilliance was really something he was just channeling. But maybe what allowed him to be so humble and what endeared people to him was that humility, and that he would just turn on that brilliance for you. It was the ultimate form of being present, to channel it. I think that he was very spiritual in a lot of ways. I think it’s so unique you can’t emulate it. If you look at the way comedy is, and look at its history, you don’t find anybody like him at all, except for maybe [[w:Jonathan Winters|Jonathan Winters]] is the closest, and he also was a very dreamlike figure.
** [[Margaret Cho]] [http://time.com/3103608/robin-williams-dead-margaret-cho-remembrance/ "Margaret Cho Remembers Robin Williams: He Was a ‘Father Figure’" by Larry Getlen in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* I guarantee you that thousands, hearing of Robin’s death, asked how he could do it when he had everything: fame, wealth, adulation, family love. And another supposed insulator against the worst of the blues, plenty of work. No combination of those adds up to insurance. And the hectic, nerve-wracking ups and downs of fortune in show business are, of course, a major factor for emotional disequilibrium. … '''I know Robin knew this.''' His death recalled a moment with him years ago in a small club. '''He came off stage after bringing a cheering audience to its feet. “Isn’t it funny how I can bring great happiness to all these people,” he said. “But not to myself.” ''' The non-actor has a major advantage because it’s harder to hide the symptoms. The actor knows how to act.
** [[Dick Cavett]], in [http://time.com/3106170/robin-williams-dead-dick-cavett-suicide-depression/ "Dick Cavett: Robin Williams Won’t Be the Last Suicidal Star" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* Robin and I agreed once that it’s galling to hear — when you’re “in it” — the question: “What have you got to be depressed about?” The great British actor and comedian, [[Stephen Fry]], a fellow-sufferer, replies “And what have you got to have asthma about?” Robin, like his idol [[w:Jonathan Winters|Jonathan Winters]], must have had one of the world’s hardest talents with which to live and retain personal balance. Sitting next to him on my old PBS show was like sitting in the Macy’s barge next to the fireworks going off. He was at full, manic, comic frenzy for an hour without let-up. (We even improvised a short [[Shakespeare]] play together, with and without rhymed couplets.) '''I caught his manic energy. It was exhilarating. And exhausting.''' When it ended, I was wet and spent. It took him a while to come (partially) down, and I thought, “Can this be good for anyone? Can you be able to do all these rapid-fire personality changes and emerge knowing who you yourself are?… Some day, will some chemical link be found between great, great performing talent and susceptibility to that awful conqueror of the talented performer? Are the [[gods]] jealous? Do they cruelly envy the greatly gifted and, in the classic Greek manner, smite them low? The somewhat grim answer: '''We’d better enjoy them while we can.'''
** [[Dick Cavett]], in "Dick Cavett: Robin Williams Won’t Be the Last Suicidal Star" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''Playing one character at a time, for months on end, didn’t properly exploit Williams’ unique gift of being everyone at once.''' His true model and mentor was not an [[Laurence Olivier|Olivier]] or [[Marlon Brando|Brando]] but freeform comic [[w:Jonathan Winters|Jonathan Winters]], who also battled to call a truce with the manifold Genie geniuses in his head. … Why does a clown want to play [[Hamlet]]? Maybe because he thinks he is that melancholy soul whom others find amusingly odd. Williams dropped Mork’s na-nu na-nu and entered dramatic film with the lead in ''[[w:The World According to Garp|The World According to Garp]]''. … Williams infused weird wonder in voice roles for animated features — not only ''[[Aladdin (film)|Aladdin]]'' but ''[[Robots]]'' and ''[[Happy Feet]]''. He was a cartoon, with all the characters, in a man’s body. … '''He could play anyone, but not just one: not “just” Robin Williams. All those voices in the head of this comic Hamlet must have told him it was time to be quiet. The rest is silence.
** [[w:Richard Corliss|Richard Corliss]], in [http://time.com/3102058/robin-williams-dead-remembrance-richard-corliss/ "Robin Williams: The Comic Who Was Hamlet" in ''TIME'' obituary (11 August 2014)]

* On Monday night, as fans around the world began to grieve Robin Williams’s death, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences — best known, in many circles, as the people behind the Oscars — sent out what may be the iconic social media image of Williams’s death. …['''Genie, you're free.'''] … More than 270,000 people have shared the tweet, which means that, per the analytics site Topsy, as many as 69 million people have seen it. The problem? It violates well-established public health standards for how we talk about [[suicide]]. “If it doesn’t cross the line, it comes very, very close to it,” said Christine Moutier, chief medical officer at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. “Suicide should never be presented as an option. That’s a formula for potential contagion.”
** Caitlin Dewey, in [http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2014/08/12/suicide-contagion-and-social-media-the-dangers-of-sharing-genie-youre-free/ "Suicide contagion and social media: The dangers of sharing ‘Genie, you’re free’" in ''The Washington Post'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''What hurts most about the apparent [[suicide]] of Robin Williams is that as much as he achieved, he [[died]] in his own [[mind]] unfulfilled.''' And to an extent, he was unfulfilled — he never found a form that would capture the [[genius]] of his stand-up act or his early appearances on ''[[w:The Tonight Show|The Tonight Show]]'', when his mind worked faster than anyone alive and very possibly dead, when he seemed to be channeling a fleet of circling [[UFO]]s containing the galaxy’s best [[comedy]] [[writers]]. '''The man didn’t need to play a sitcom alien to seem as if he had his own extraterrestrial [[energy]] field.'''
**[[w:David Edelstein|David Edelstein]], in [http://www.vulture.com/2014/08/robin-williams-tribute-obituary.html "Robin Williams, 1951-2014: The Measure of the Man Was Vast" at ''Vulture'' (11 August 2014)]

* '''Williams gave tremendous performances in a handful of movies, but it was Williams bottled and, in most cases, domesticated.''' It didn’t have that free-form, unfettered genius. That said, his nattering sailor in Robert Altman’s messy ''[[Popeye]]'' was musically dazzling. Even more musical was his performance in [[w:Paul Mazursky|Paul Mazursky]]’s ''[[w:Moscow on the Hudson|Moscow on the Hudson]]'', in which the sadness of ''not'' being able to perform was right there in his eyes. … The combination of mania and melancholy tapped something beautiful in him. '''In ''[[The Fisher King]]'', Williams was also at the height of his powers. He knew how to play a man [[dangerously]] in touch with unseen [[forces]], a [[holy]] [[fool]]''', and for once he played opposite actors who were, each in their own way, [[worthy]] of him: [[w:Jeff Bridges|Jeff Bridges]], [[w:Mercedes Ruehl|Mercedes Ruehl]], and, most memorably, [[w:Amanda Plummer|Amanda Plummer]], who should have partnered with him again. We do need to talk about those “domesticated” parts, because they were the ones that won him a huge mainstream audience and, in the case of his avuncular, bearded psychiatrist in ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'', an Oscar. '''This was Williams the crinkle-eyed [[humanist]].''' … The saddest thing is that Williams never found a collaborator who could give him the combination of structure and freedom in which he could thrive … But you know what? You could put together a highlight reel of Williams’s work … and see that the measure of the man was vast. '''Even when his talent was cruelly constricted, his [[soul]] was limitless.'''
**[[w:David Edelstein|David Edelstein]], in "Robin Williams, 1951-2014: The Measure of the Man Was Vast" at ''Vulture'' (11 August 2014)

* '''To the generation of kids who grew up on his movies, Williams was a revelation, a teacher and a lifeline.''' It might seem ridiculous for a generation to claim a universally loved celebrity as their own, but if there was ever a Millennial hero, it was Robin Williams. '''The news that Williams had died, at the age of 63, hit the world like a shockwave yesterday.''' For many older Millennials, like me, who grew up in the ’80s and ’90s, the loss strikes as a particularly hard blow. … Williams’ Dr. Sean Maguire, a counselor who becomes a father-figure to the troubled title character in ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'', punctured even my teenage gloom. He wasn’t jokey, he wasn’t zany, he wasn’t any of the things I had come to associate with Robin Williams, but his warmth was wholly recognizable and I was in awe. And then there’s ''[[Dead Poets Society]]'', one of the ultimate teenage movies … The movie’s plot, which centers on a conservative boys school where a [[radical]] [[teacher]] [[works]] against the [[system]] to inspire his students, is hardly original and I knew that even back then. But the [[zeal]] and [[honesty]] that Williams’ poured into John Keating almost single-handedly elevated the movie from a cliché to an actual [[inspiration]]. Like any teenager, I was a bit disillusioned by school in general, but books and learning and truth were still things that could lure me and Williams’ Keating made a great case for them. To this day, I still can’t resist Williams’ line, “But [[poetry]], [[beauty]], [[romance]], [[love]], these are what we stay [[alive]] for.” '''Yet even with the years of cinematic evidence, I didn’t quite realize how much of an influence Williams had on my generation until today.''' … Everyone seemed to have their own personal memory about watching his films growing up. He was the teacher we always wanted, the baby-sitter we would have loved, the best friend who knew exactly how to make us laugh. It feels like I have always known that Robin Williams was an amazing actor, but I never understood just how amazing. Because looking back on it, I realize that '''his best roles didn’t define him — they helped define us.'''
** Megan Gibson, in [http://time.com/3103255/robin-williams-dead-millennial-hero/ "Why Robin Williams Was a Millennial Hero" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''I don't think I've met anyone as exceptional as Robin was … every moment … could be explosive ''any'' which-way, you didn’t know where it was going to go — you didn’t know even where it came from — he seemed to be able to channel the [[Cosmos]], and at the same time he was always totally involved with the people around him, he really had a close touch with everybody he touched.''' He was absolutely extraordinary. … He seemed to be able to be … a kind of receptor of all knowledge, whatever it was, whether it was in the news, something from an encyclopedia, or from a book, he seemed to ''know'' all of this stuff, and he could then reassemble it, in the most incredible combinations — which was always surprising, funny and … outrageous, really, and I don't know how he did it. … That was always the [[miracle]] of Robin, it was something I've never bean able to explain.
** [[Terry Gilliam]], in video interview, [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-28742837 "Terry Gilliam on the 'miracle of Robin Williams'" at ''BBC News'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''It's just this incredible talent was there that kept him really bright and bouncy… I'm sure on his own, and a lot of times on his own, that wasn't there.''' I think being around people … '''I don’t even think it was even performing at times … I think it was just some [[wondrous]] [[moment]], as this stuff poured out of him, he was exhilarated by it as much as we were, and I think that was so important to Robin.''' And at the same time, he was one of the sweetest people ever walking the planet. '''He really cared about people.''' That's what I found ''amazing'' to be able to see an incredibly huge and complex vision of the world, and yet always, all the individual around him, he was in touch with all the time.
** [[Terry Gilliam]], in "Terry Gilliam on the 'miracle of Robin Williams'" at ''BBC News'' (12 August 2014)

* '''When the gods ''gift you'' with the type of talent Robin had, there's a price to pay, there always is — it doesn’t come from [[nothing]], It comes from … probably deep problems inside, a concern, all sorts of fears, and yet he could always channel those things and turn them into something gold '''… I think that just comes with the territory, frankly.
** [[Terry Gilliam]], in "Terry Gilliam on the 'miracle of Robin Williams'" at ''BBC News'' (12 August 2014)

* '''Robin was a gifted actor and comedian, but he was also a true friend and supporter of our troops.''' From entertaining thousands of service men and women in war zones, to his philanthropy that helped veterans struggling with hidden wounds of war, he was a loyal and compassionate advocate for all who serve this nation in uniform. He will be dearly missed by the men and women of DoD - so many of whom were personally touched by his humor and generosity.
** [[Chuck Hagel]], in [http://www.defense.gov/releases/release.aspx?releaseid=16883 News Release No: NR-424-14 : Statement by Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel on the Passing of Robin Williams (11 August 2014)]

* So many times you meet people they don't impact you. You meet them and they're gracious and they're nice, and then '''there are sometimes when you meet somebody and they say one thing and for the rest of your life you carry that one thing and they don't even know that they impacted your life.''' So here's Robin Williams fully decked out in elephantiasis makeup, like he was the Elephant Man, and we were talking and I'm being super quiet, and he just kind of turns to me and he said, “What's your name?” And I said, “I'm Mila.” And he said, “Yeah? You're on ''[[That '70s Show|'70s]]''?” And then he said, “'''[[Remember]] this [[moment]]. Remember this because things like this don't happen very often. Remember this [[time]].”''' Having somebody of Robin Williams' stature tell me to just acknowledge something meant so much. He didn't ''mentor'' me. He just said, “'''Step back and appreciate this. You're having an amazing time.'''” I was so nervous. And he said, “'''Relax. And don't forget to enjoy yourself because things like this don't happen to everyone.'''” … All he did was say, "Enjoy yourself and don't forget this." Like: "'''Just take a breath and acknowledge that you have an amazing opportunity.'''” 
** [[w:Mila Kunis|Mila Kunis]], as quoted in [http://www.esquire.com/blogs/news/mila-kunis-robin-williams "Robin Williams' Advice to Mila Kunis: 'Remember This Moment'" in ''Esquire'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''Robin and I had a nice friendly relationship. I can’t claim I knew him well, but honestly, I don’t know how many people did.''' He seemed like the kind of guy who didn’t open up to a lot of people. … The thing about Robin that I loved the most — and again, with limited experience — is that when he did my show, he was so great at it, because he was able to achieve something that eludes a lot of comedians who have tried to do ''[[Real Time with Bill Maher|Real Time]]''. It’s not an easy show to do because you have to be very smart about politics. We don’t use a lot of show business people on the panel. I can name the show business people who can do it on a couple of hands — [[Ben Affleck]], [[George Clooney]], [[w:Alec Baldwin|Alec Baldwin]], [[Kerry Washington]] — people who are very politically aware and involved, and that is their passion.… But Robin did the panel, and he was able to both modulate his normal manic persona down to what was appropriate for the show he was doing, and also, completely still be Robin Williams. That is not an easy trajectory to find, and he did, and I always loved him for it. First of all, it means you’re humble — that you understand that you have to shape-shift a little to the show you’re doing. Some people don’t do that. Some people just refuse to do that. They wanna be exactly who they are, on whatever show they’re doing. I don’t agree with that. I think when you’re the guest, you have to bend a little. He did that. '''He was still Robin Williams, but he was exactly right for the show he was doing.'''
** [[Bill Maher]], in [http://time.com/3105100/robin-williams-dead-bill-maher/ "Bill Maher: ‘You Could Just Tell There Was a Humanity in Robin Williams’" by Larry Getlen, in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''His style, when it came on the scene, looked completely new to people, and in many ways it was. He was fast and furious, and I think there’s something else that’s behind there that you can’t really quantify or define, but you could just tell there was a [[humanity]] in Robin Williams.''' He seems like a genuinely nice guy, like a good person who cares and tries to give back to the community. Some people, you get the impression that they’re putting on an act all the time. I didn’t get that impression with Robin Williams. I didn’t know him well, but I always thought, there’s a very decent person there.
** [[Bill Maher]], in ‘You Could Just Tell There Was a Humanity in Robin Williams’" by Larry Getlen, in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)

* In the late 1980’s, film producer [[w:Joel Silver|Joel Silver]] set his sights on developing [[Alan Moore]] and [[w:Dave Gibbons|Dave Gibbons]]’ massively successful graphic novel ''[[Watchmen]]'' into a feature film with director [[Terry Gilliam]]. '''Rumors swirled at the time''', and the 2005 ''Entertainment Weekly'' oral history of the project confirmed that [[Arnold Schwarzenegger]] was in line for Dr. Manhattan, [[w:Richard Gere|Richard Gere]] showed interest, and '''Robin Williams, fresh off his role as a delusional but sprightly vagabond in Gilliam’s ''[[The Fisher King]]'', could be tapped as Rorschach.''' During the hellish development, which would bounce between studios and producers for decades until [[w:Zach Snyder|Zach Snyder]]’s film hit theaters five years ago, casting attention switched from Williams to [[w:Brad Dourif|Brad Dourif]], allegedly due to wariness over fan perception that Williams was unsuitable for the part. Going in a direction away from a captivating comedic performer with overtones of chained darkness looked foolish when [[w:Michael Keaton|Michael Keaton]] proved an excellent Batman as that comic franchise dominated the box office. And that criticism seems even more baseless decades later, after ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'', ''[[Insomnia (2002 film)|Insomnia]]'', ''[[One Hour Photo]]'', and many other films that proved Williams’ heft. '''Rorschach, a deeply haunted man with an ever-changing mask that doesn’t hide an unmistakable [[voice]], [[now]] seems like it would have been a [[perfect]] fit.''' There’s little point in rueing a missed opportunity from 25 years ago. But in the aftermath of Williams’ death at his Bay Area home yesterday, '''many people were quick to point to a moment in ''Watchmen'' when Rorschach sneeringly recites a grim joke about a depressed man who seeks help from a doctor, which now rings frighteningly true:'''
:: ''I heard a joke once. Man goes to doctor, says he's depressed. Life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. '''Doctor says "Treatment is simple. The [[great]] [[clown]], [[w:Pagliacci|Pagliacci]], is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up". Man bursts into tears. "But doctor", he says, "I am Pagliacci." '''Good [[joke]]. Everybody [[laugh]]. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.''
:* Kevin McFarland, in [http://boingboing.net/2014/08/12/remembering-robin-williams-ci.html "Remembering Robin Williams, cinema's Rorschach test" at ''BOING BOING'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''Though a terrifically engaging screen presence at his most gregarious and joke-focused, he had to chops to be just as mesmerizing when muted, which would only draw out tension for the moment when he could turn on the jets and shift to full bombast.''' I’m not sure I can think of another actor with Williams’ combined dominant traits: instantly recognizable for his warmth and energy, fiercely multitalented, flying between understated and exuberant emotional extremes in comedy and drama, and yet maligned whenever the unpredictable balance he struck in a given performance didn’t match the critical ideal. In that way his Academy Award for ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'' in 1997 is both the peak of his control and the most patronizing harness of his career. Here is your reward for taking the raging combustion, powerful as a radiant star, and tamping it down to understated levels while remaining perforated, so that emotional peaks still have a chance to flare out. It was an unhelpful and unjust expectation on an actor who did nothing but give of himself to his performance. …''' it’s too limiting right now to call Robin Williams simply a comedian, despite the tremendous outpouring from the comedy community that continues today. He was an actor, one of the most gifted and adventurous performers of his generation''', and it’s a [[shame]] that it took something like his tragic death to take stock of the possibility that the outsized expectations of an audience could have prevented more people from simply enjoying the effort Williams made in so many films, no matter the critical adjudication.
:* Kevin McFarland, in "Remembering Robin Williams, cinema's Rorschach test" at ''BOING BOING'' (12 August 2014)

* Robin Williams was an airman, a doctor, a genie, a nanny, a president, a professor, a bangarang [[Peter Pan]], and everything in between. But he was one of a kind. '''He arrived in our lives as an alien – but he ended up touching every element of the human spirit. He made us laugh. He made us cry. He gave his immeasurable talent freely and generously to those who needed it most''' – from our troops stationed abroad to the marginalized on our own streets. The Obama family offers our condolences to Robin’s family, his friends, and everyone who found their voice and their verse thanks to Robin Williams.
** [[Barack Obama]], in [http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2014/08/11/statement-president-passing-robin-williams "Statement by the President on the Passing of Robin Williams" (11 August 2014)]

* '''My friendship with Robin Williams is one of the real joys of my life''' … Robin is a person who gives to people 24 hours a day. The gift of joy, the gift of laughter. Just to be in a room with Robin Williams is a privilege. He’s a gift to the world.
** [[Christopher Reeve]], as quoted in [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/08/12/robin-williams-and-christopher-reeve-s-epic-friendship-and-the-greatest-williams-story-ever-told.html "Robin Williams and Christopher Reeve's Epic Friendship and the Greatest Williams Story Ever Told" in ''The Daily Beast'' (12 August 2014)]

* In the wake of Williams' death at his home here Monday, fans around the world have struggled to understand what could have led a man whose thousand-megawatt comic persona had brought so much joy to millions to such depths of despair. But '''Williams' closest friends and colleagues knew well that the beneath his manic, Technicolor exterior, the actor had battled depression for years.''' In recent months — as Williams wrestled with the cancellation of his CBS TV series ''[[The Crazy Ones]]'' and fought to maintain a sobriety that had at times proved fragile — those friends could see that he was losing that fight. …  In early July, Williams checked himself into the Hazelden addiction treatment center in Center City, Minn. He had not fallen off the wagon, his publicist said at the time, but was instead struggling to hold himself together as he crumbled under the weight of depression. 
** Josh Rottenberg, Amy Kaufman and Lee Romney, in [http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/movies/la-et-mn-robin-williams-last-days-20140813-story.html#page=1 "Robin Williams' friends saw signs he was succumbing to depression" in ''The Los Angeles Times'' (13 August 2014)]

* '''This morning, I lost my husband and my best [[friend]], while the world lost one of its most beloved artists and beautiful human beings.''' I am utterly heartbroken. On behalf of Robin's family, we are asking for privacy during our time of profound grief. As he is remembered, it is our hope the focus will not be on Robin's death, but on the countless moments of joy and laughter he gave to millions.
** Susan Schneider, his widow, as quoted in [http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/robin-williams-family-movingly-remembers-725138 Robin Williams' Family Movingly Remembers "A Gentle Soul" Who "Loved to Laugh"] by Gregg Kilday, in ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (12 August 2014)

* Robin Williams was beloved by the U.S. military, perhaps even more so than by the American public. '''He carried [[Bob Hope]]’s mantle as a funny man far from home, often in inhospitable places.''' Throughout his career, Williams made six [[w:USO|USO]] tours to [[Iraq]], [[Afghanistan]], and 11 other countries and performed for 90,000 troops by the time of his final tour in 2010.
** Mark Thompson, in [http://time.com/3103930/robin-williams-military-uso/ "The Military Absolutely Loved Robin Williams" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''The death of Robin Williams this week was a shock, the kind of event that makes people stop, even in the crush of other terrible news from all corners of the globe, and feel a stinging sense of loss for someone they never met.''' That there was the ritual rush of response on Twitter, Facebook, and in online comments, was to be expected. Though Williams had had issues with substance abuse, and made trips to rehab, this wasn't someone who seemed in danger of going over the edge. The idea that a performer who was synonymous with rapid-fire wit and boundless energy would take his own life was at first hard to believe, and then deeply sad. But even as Williams is mourned, the scope of reactions illustrates how wide-ranging his appeal was. … '''this performer known for his anarchic merriment was sometimes at his best when he was most subtle. And Williams' best was something special, and rare, and worth remembering.'''
** Kristi Turnquist, in [http://www.oregonlive.com/movies/index.ssf/2014/08/robin_williams_the_timeless_ap.html "Robin Williams: The timeless appeal of his best movies -- and a memorable TV appearance on 'Louie'" in ''The Oregonian'' (13 August 2014)]

* '''Yesterday, I lost my father and a best friend and the world got a little grayer.''' I will carry his heart with me every day. I would ask those that loved him to remember him by being as gentle, kind, and generous as he would be. '''Seek to bring [[joy]] to the world as he sought.'''
** Zachary Williams, as quoted in [http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/robin-williams-family-movingly-remembers-725138 Robin Williams' Family Movingly Remembers "A Gentle Soul" Who "Loved to Laugh"] by Gregg Kilday, in ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (12 August 2014)

* '''He was always warm, even in his darkest moments.''' While I’ll never, ever understand how he could be loved so deeply and not find it in his heart to stay, there’s minor comfort in knowing our grief and loss, in some small way, is shared with millions. It doesn’t help the pain, but at least it’s a burden countless others now know we carry, and so many have offered to help lighten the load. Thank you for that. To those he touched who are sending kind words, know that one of his favorite things in the world was to make you all laugh. As for those who are sending negativity, know that some small, giggling part of him is sending a flock of pigeons to your house to poop on your car. Right after you’ve had it washed. After all, he loved to laugh too… '''Dad was, is and always will be one of the kindest, most generous, gentlest souls I’ve ever known, and while there are few things I know for certain right now, one of them is that not just my world, but the entire world is forever a little darker, less colorful and less full of laughter in his absence. We’ll just have to work twice as hard to fill it back up again.
** [[w:Zelda Williams|Zelda Williams]], as quoted in [http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/robin-williams-family-movingly-remembers-725138 Robin Williams' Family Movingly Remembers "A Gentle Soul" Who "Loved to Laugh"] by Gregg Kilday, in ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (12 August 2014)

* When he auditioned for the role of Mork from Ork on ''[[Happy Days]]'' (1974), producer [[w:Garry Marshall|Garry Marshall]] told him to sit down. '''Williams immediately sat on his head on the chair.''' Marshall hired him, saying that he was the only alien who auditioned. During the making of ''[[Mork & Mindy]]'' (1978), '''Williams departed from the scripts and ad libbed so many times and so well, that the producers stopped trying to make him stick to the script and deliberately left gaps in the later scripts leaving only, "Mork can go off here" in those places so Robin could improvise.''' … Asked by [[w:James Lipton|James Lipton]] about what he would like [[God]] to say when he arrives in [[heaven]], Williams answered that "There is a seat in the front" in the concert of [[Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart]] and [[Elvis Presley]].
** [http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/latest-news/odd-facts-about-robin-williams/story-fn3dxix6-1227021946139?nk=a7a4029d84365fedfec8d502e2787d1a "Odd facts about Robin Williams" in ''The Australian'' (12 August 2014)]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

* {{official website|http://www.robinwilliams.com}}
* {{IMDb name|245}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Williams, Robin}}
[[Category:2014 deaths]]
[[Category:Stand-up comedians]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:American stand-up comedians]]
[[Category:American actors]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:People from Illinois]]
[[Category:Anglicans]]

Robin Williams

2016-12-27T02:04:07Z

StjJackson: /* Robin Williams: Live on Broadway (2002) */

[[File:Robin Williams 2011a (2).jpg |thumb|[[Comedy]] can be a [[cathartic]] way to deal with [[personal]] [[trauma]].]]
'''[[w:Robin Williams|Robin McLaurin Williams]]''' ([[July 21]], [[1951]] – [[August 11]], [[2014]]) was an [[w:United States|American]] stand-up comedian, actor, director, producer, writer, singer, voice artist, and comedian.

==Quotes==
[[File:Defense.gov News Photo 041214-A-4934L-1562.jpg|thumb|You're only given a little spark of madness and if you lose that, you're [[nothing]].]]
[[File:Robin Williams Canada.jpg|thumb|I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."]]
[[File:Robin Williams.jpg|thumb|right|You have the right to bear arms, you have the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!]]
[[File:Robin Williams Aviano.jpg|thumb|Unless you're passing a bowling ball, I don't think so.]]
[[File:Robin williams uso.jpg|thumb|And if you want a linguistic adventure, go [[drinking]] with a Scotsman. 'Cause you can't fuckin' [[understand]] them ''before!'']]
[[File:Robin Williams in Camp Phoenix.jpg|thumb|Some people say [[Jesus]] wasn't [[Jewish]]. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents! Come on! He [[work]]s in his [[father]]'s [[business]], his [[Mother|mom]] thought he was [[God]]'s [[gift]]! He's Jewish! Give it up!]]
[[File:Robin Williams Bahrain.jpg|thumb|What kind of [[food]] did we drop on [[Afghanistan]]? Pop-Tarts, peanut butter... just add a Honey Baked Ham and you've got a redneck [[Christmas]].]]
[[File:Robin Williams 2008.jpg|thumb|In the midst of all this, there was [[w:Bernard Madoff|Bernie Madoff]]. An embezzler named "made off." Hmm. Was the [[name]] not a [[clue]]? Did he have to be with the [[accounting]] firm of Dewey, Fuckyou, and Howe?]]
[[File:Happy Feet Premiere (307985736).jpg|thumb|[[Catherine the Great]], [[Golda Meir]], [[Indira Gandhi]]: These may not be women you'd want to fuck, but you definitely don't want to fuck ''with them.'' And if you don't think a [[Margaret Thatcher|woman]] can [[w:Falklands War|handle a war]], ask the Argentinians.]]
[[File:Robin Williams.jpg|thumb|One of the fundamental things is in a jihad! That sounds like a country western term like, "Jiii-had!"]]


* '''I would like to do for you now, a Japanese science fiction movie: "Attack of the Killer Vibrators."''' 
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH7crqRvhhc Performance at the L.A. Improv (1977)]

* Before I go on, I want to ask if there are any [[w:Hell's Angels|Hell's Angels]] here tonight? ''[no response]'' … Those pussy-whipped faggots!
** Performance at the L.A. Improv (1977)

* I would like to do [[Shakespeare]]'s only unknown piece, ''That's the Way I Lick It'' ... It's a bleak night my Lord. '''Look! The [[moon]] like a testicle hangs low in the sky. This bodes not well.''' ... Anon, post-haste, let's get a larger crowd in here. Free Cocaine! There's no luck. Does anyone have drugs to ease my pain? My Kingdom for a Quaalude! … It is the end! I must go, for I cannot come here, and yet, it has been brief, 'tis over, and the lights do turn bright. ''I'm melting! [[James_Clavell#The_Fly_.281958.29|Help me! Help me!]]'' 
** Performance at the L.A. Improv (1977)

*  '''You're only given a little spark of madness and if you lose that, you're [[nothing]].'''
** ''A Night at the Roxy'' (1978)

* [[Death]] is [[nature]]'s way of saying, "Your table is ready."
** As quoted in ''The Fourth—And by Far the Most Recent—637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said'' (1990) edited by Robert Byrne, p, 518

* '''Parry is a man with a previous life that was so damaged that he had to create another [[personality]].''' … It's like post-traumatic stress syndrome: Some [[people]] respond to traumatic or tragic events by withdrawal; some even create other personalities. '''Parry is a creation — somewhat [[w:Don Quixote|Don Quixote]], somewhat [[Groucho Marx]] — but he's a creation designed to avoid a past event.'''
** On his role in ''[[The Fisher King]]'' (1991), as quoted in [http://www.smart.co.uk/dreams/fkprod1.htm "Dreams: ''The Fisher King''" (2006) edited by Phil Stubbs]

* '''[[Comedy]] can be a [[cathartic]] way to deal with [[personal]] [[trauma]].'''
** [http://parade.condenast.com/154817/dotsonrader/robin-williams-on-returning-to-tv-getting-sober-and-downsizing-in-his-60s/ "Robin Williams on Returning to TV, Getting Sober, and Downsizing in His 60s", ''Parade'' (12 September 2013)]

===''Reality...What a Concept'' (1979)===
* I'd like to start the show by showing you something I'm very proud of. You'll have to step back, though.

* ''[spoofing [[Fred Rogers|Mr. Rogers]]]'' It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood... oh, damn, someone stole my sneakers. Let's do some wonderful things today, boys and girls; but first, do you mind if I take some more medication? It helps the day go a little bit slower. There we go. Now we're gonna do some wonderful experiments you can do around the house. Let's put Mr. Hamster in the microwave, okay?... He knows where he's going. BEEP! ''Pop'' goes the weasel! That's severe radiation. Can you say "severe radiation"? Oh, look, you got a little balloon now.

* ''[as a Shakespearean narrator]'' Mind not my words — Let the ''play'' be the thing. I'll get back forth and touch myself anon.

* I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."

* There was an old, crazy dude who used to live a long time ago. His name was Lord Buckley. And he said, a long time ago, he said, "People: They're kinda like flowers and it's been a privilege walking in your garden." My love goes with you.

===''[[w:A Night at the Met|A Night at the Met]]'' (1986)===
* My God, what am I doing here? It's weird. How do you get to the Met? Money! Lots and lots of money! I can imagine [[w:Luciano Pavarotti|Pavarotti]] next door at the improv going, "Two Jews walk into a bar..."

* Beer commercials usually show ''big'' men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's 5:00 in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."

* The sound crapped out for a bit, that's why I'm using [[w:suppository|SupposiSound]]! No one wants their tapes back, I wonder why.

* We were talking briefly about cocaine...yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!

* They call it freebasing. It's not free, it costs you your house! It should be called home basing! Three signs you're addicted to cocaine: First of all, if you come home to your house and you have no furniture and your cat's going "I'm outta here, prick!," Warning! Number two: If you have this dream where you're doing cocaine in your sleep and you can't fall asleep, and you wake up and you're doing cocaine, BINGO! Number three: if on your tax form it says, "$50,000 for snacks," MAYDAY!

* Baseball players have to go in front of a grand jury and say, "Yeah, I did cocaine. Can you blame me? It's a slow goddamn game! Come on Jack! Standing out in left field for seven innings, and there's a long white line going down to home plate! I see the guy putting it out going "Heh heh heh heh!!!!" And that damn organ music too, the whole [does intro to "Charge!"]! Third base coach is always doing this...[wiping nose, fidgeting around]. When he's doing that, I don't know whether to slide or do a line! People sliding into home plate head first, umpire goes, "You're out!" "No, baby, I'm up now! Ha ha ha!"

* The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!

* [On husbands sharing their wives' childbearing experience] Unless you're passing a bowling ball, I don't think so. Unless you're trying to circumcise yourself with a chainsaw, I don't think so. Unless you're opening an umbrella up your ass, I don't think so!

* Thank you. How-DY! Whoops, wrong opera house. How do you like the play, Mr. [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]]? Duck!

* [Comparing [[Ronald Reagan]]'s Cabinet to ''[[Star Wars]]''] There's [[Henry Kissinger]] as Yoda, "Must now cannot see understanding that I be here for you. I will show you now, Nicaragua, Cambodia, Nicaragua, Cambodia, shhh. Must later understand!"

===''[[w:Inside the Actors Studio|Inside the Actors Studio]]'' (2001)===
:Season 7, Episode 15 (10 June 2001)

* The professor was on acid, and sometimes he'd shout, "I'm Lincoln!" And then, there'd be a kid in the back, "I'm [[w:John Wilkes Booth|Booth]]!"

* (On creating) And you get that little endorphin buzz, it's great. Why do you think Einstein looked like that? I don't think he was going "You know this is some dynamite weed! It's all relative you know."

* (Imitating Royal Family) I've tell you we've not been inbred but don't look at the ears. That's all we can do is screw in a light bulb. Look at the teeth, look at the ears and go, something's gone wrong. Gene pool is a jacuzzi back up."

* I'd like to welcome you the [[w:Aircraft Owners and Pilots Association|AOPA]]. There's also aa-AOPA. If this is your first time flying a plane on alcohol, I'd like to welcome ya!

* Imitating [[w:Luciano Pavarotti|Pavarotti]]. "It is amazing I know it is huge. BEHOLD IT. IT IS GROWING. ALL OF MY PHALLUS IS A SHOWING!"

=== ''Robin Williams: Live on Broadway'' (2002)===
* Now, [[Michael Jackson|Michael]] is claiming racism. I'm going, "Honey, you gotta pick a race first." Baby, what are you claiming, mistreatment of elves? What are you saying?

* And that's when you realize that God gave you a penis and a brain and only enough blood to run one at a time.

* I do know this one thing. I know there is a cure for whatever bioterrorism they send at us. I know there's one. And it lies within [[Keith Richards]], I know that. He is the only man on the planet who can go ''[pantomimes snorting a line of powder]'' "Anthrax? All riiiiight! Doesn't go with my ''E. coli'', but fuck." Keith is the only man who can make the Osbornes look fucking Amish. He's insane! I've seen Keith go to a drug dealer and the drug dealer's like "I'm out, man, I'm sorry. I have nothing left!" Supposedly, he goes to Switzerland and changes his blood, not like one pint, but like a fucking Chevrolet, all of it. I just wanna know, who gets his blood? Some old Swiss man's going "HEIDI! We got to go on tour, you bitch! Got to go pay for Mick's babies! C'mon!" Because I know this: we may all be dead and gone, Keith will still be there with five cockroaches. Keith'll go "You know I smoked your uncle, did you know that? Fucking crazy…"

* And the French! The French have a bomb, too! Maybe they have the Michelin Bomb—ah! Only destroys restaurants under 4 stars! They are one of the only people that still test their bombs! Where do they do it? In the Sahara in the total wasteland? No, fuck off! In Tahiti! In paradise. Why? Because we're French. Oh, look, a Greenpeace boat coming to protest—fuck off. I sink you.

* [''Imitating a Frenchman''] Fuck you, Americans! Uncultured, crass Americans! We hate all of you! Fu—the Germans are here! Hello, Americans! We love you!

* The Swiss...the nice Germans, or as they like to say, the other white race. Now how can you trust an army...how butch is an army that has a wine opener on its knife? "Many of you have never opened Chardonnay under fire! First, you pull the cork out, sniff it, say, 'Meat or fish?', and throw! ''(Military cadence)'' I don't know, but I've been told, Chardonnay must be served cold! Ja!"

* [[George W. Bush|Dubya]] doesn't speak while [[Dick Cheney|Cheney]]'s drinking water. Check that shit out.

* And some people say [[Jesus]] wasn't Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents! Come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift! He's Jewish! Give it up!

* ''[Describing the drinking habits of different ethnic groups]'' You know if you're Irish, you've got a running start that you can do it better than we are. ''[Irish accent]'' You know that because if you're Irish, you know, you'll kick my ass but then you'll fuckin' sing about it afterwards. ''[sings, dances a jig]'' "Oh, the night you said my wife was fat, I knocked you down and shit in your hat!" And then you keep drinking 'til you're in your eighties and you're on a dialysis machine, doing Liverdance and Michael Flatline! ''Beeeeeep!'' And they say the Irish saved civilization, drank a couple of Guinness and forgot where they fuckin' put it, but that's all right. ''[shifting to Japanese accent]'' Here's the drill, and the Japanese? They drink differently than us. It is a different thing where you can be very polite during the day, and all of a sudden you "''arigatou gozaimasu''." And after five Jack Daniels... "TIE A YELLOW RIBBON! Hey, fuckers! Karaoke for asshole with a microphone! Sing, you round-eyed fuck, come on!" ''[shifting to Scottish accent]'' And if you want a linguistic adventure, go drinking with a Scotsman - 'cause you can't fuckin' understand them ''before''!

* And you realize how drunk (Scotsmen) get; they could wear [[w:Kilt|a skirt]] and not care! And how they could invent a sport like golf! ''[Imitating a drunk Scotsman]'' "Here's my idea for a fuckin' sport. I knock a ball in a gopher hole!" Oh, you mean like pool? "Fuck off pool! Not with a straight stick, with a little fucked-up stick! I'll whack a ball and it goes in a gopher hole!" Oh, you mean like croquet? "FUCK CROQUET! I'll put the hole hundreds of yards away! Oh, fuck oh yeah! It's great fun, there! It's a great thing!" Oh, like a bowling thing? "FUCK NOOOOO! Not straight, I put shit in the way! Like trees and bushes and high grass! So you can lose your fuckin' ball and go whackin' away with a fuckin' tire iron! Whackin' away and every time you feel like you're going to have a stroke, ah ha! Fuck, that's what we'll call it, a 'stroke'! 'Cause every time you miss, you feel like you're going to fuckin' die! Oh great! And here's the better part, oh fuck, this is brilliant. Right near the end, I'll put a flat piece, with a little flag to give you fuckin' hope. But then I'll put in a pool and a sandbox to fuck with your ball again! Ah, you'll be there trashing your ass, jerking your way in the sand, ah ha!" Oh, and you do this one time? "FUCK NOOOO! EIGHTEEN FUCKIN' TIMES!"

* I want [[w:Andrés Cantor|the guy who does Mexican soccer]] to do golf one time. "The ball is starting…the ball is going to the…HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE!" Just to see all those old WASPy motherfuckers go "Oh dear Christ! My God, they're not gardening, they're playing now, oh shit! What the hell are we gonna do?" Because that was their last domain of dominance. It was their area, they were the king, up until…[[w:Tiger Woods|Tiger]]. Yesss. Son of a black man and a Thai woman, not even a German geneticist could've thought that one up!

* Now, at the airports, if you're heavily pierced, like some of my friends, it's like, ''(steps forward)'' "BZZT!" "Please remove anything from your pockets." Tip of the iceberg. ''(pantomimes removing various piercings from the ears, nose, eyebrows, lips; then reaches to the side, grabs an imaginary drill, points it at his crotch and makes a drilling noise)'' For those playing the home game, this is what's known as a Prince Albert. And I'm sure that was his last wish. "Victoria, I'm dying…I want you to name a museum, a performance hall, and a [[w:Prince Albert (genital piercing)|bolt through the cock]] after me…and that will be [[w:Victoria's Secret|Victoria's Secret]]."

* What kind of food did we drop on Afghanistan? Pop-Tarts, peanut butter…just add a Honey Baked Ham and you've got a redneck Christmas. Why are we dropping this food on Afghanistan? Tastes a hell of a lot better than dirt, #1. #2, difficult to have a call to jihad with a mouth full of peanut butter. Thirdly, Afghanistan is a hashish-smoking culture, and anyone who's ever been a friend of the hookah will go, (intense, stoned stare) "Pop-Tarts!"

* As beatific as [[Gandhi]] was, I'm sure there was some guy in a Bombay bar going, "I knew Gandhi…he was a prick. He was sucking down a pork hot dog, hitting on [[Mother Teresa]]. He kept saying, "Who's your diaper daddy? Who's your diaper daddy?"

* One of the fundamental things is in a jihad. That sounds like a country western term like, "Jiii-had!"

===''Weapons of Self Destruction'' (2010)===
* Welcome to Washington, D.C., where the buck stops here! Way to go. And then it's [[w:2008 Bank Bailout|handed out to AIG and many other people]].

* And you know that if they [[w:Marijuana|legalize it]], they'll have to regulate it, which means that they'll have to put a message on a box of joints, it'll say, "Surgeon General has determined this will make your music...'''awesome'''! Even Yanni. And if you think you liked cartoons ''before''..."

* There is one man that we can run for office that even the French would say "Fuck off!" That man...is [[w:Jack Nicholson|Jack Nicholson]]. Yes! You will never have a sex scandal with Jack because he has fucked ''everyone''!

*I was on this German talk show and this woman said to me, she said, "Mr. Williams, why do you think there's not so much comedy in Germany?" I said, "Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?" ''[laughter and applause]'' And...it was...and here's where it got interesting. She didn't bat an eyelash. She just went "No". At that point, even God's going, "Do you get it?!" German comedy: "Knock-knock--We ask the questions!".

* And if you're looking for [[Sarah Palin]]'s [[w:Going Rogue: An American Life|new book]], it is a bitch to find! I found it somewhere between fiction and non-fiction, in the fantasy aisle.

* My favorite athletes of any Olympics are always the African distance runners. You ''never'' have to drug test an African distance runner.
:"Are you on drugs?"
:"No, I'm looking for food."
:And I'm sure in Kenya they have a ''chicken'' that can run a sub 2-hour marathon....One of my favorite runners of all time was [[w:Abebe Bikila|Abebe Bikila]]. He was an Ethiopian distance runner and he won the Rome Olympics ''[marathon]'' running barefoot. He was then sponsored by Adidas. He ran the next Olympics, he ''carried the fuckin' shoes.'' No performance enhancement there.

* I walked into my son's room the other day, and he's got four screens going at the same time. He's watching a movie on one screen, playing a game on another, downloading something on this one, texting on that one, people say "He's got ADD." Fuck that, he's multitasking.

* When I was growing up they used to say, "Robin, drugs can kill you." Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me, "Robin, you need drugs to live." I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer...

* These drugs have side effects that go on for fuckin' days, like tendency-to-grow-another-head, oh my God! When ''we'' were growing up we knew the side effects of the drugs we were taking. Cocaine, side effects were paranoia, ninjas-on-the-lawn; quaaludes, side effects were talking in tongues, English as a second language; marijuana, side effects were laughter, Frosted Flakes.

* You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

* We still have great comedy out there. There's always ramblin' [[Joe Biden]]. What the fuck? Joe says shit that even people with [[Wikipedia:Tourette syndrome|Tourette's]] go "no..."

* Cheney [[w:Dick Cheney hunting incident|shot a man in the face]] hunting quail. I don't know about East coast quail, but California quail are this fucking big. ''(indicates a position about a foot above the stage floor)''

* In the midst of all this, there was [[w:Bernard Madoff|Bernie Madoff]]. An embezzler named "made off." Hmm. Was the name not a clue? Did he have to be with the accounting firm of Dewey, Fuckyou, and Howe?

* Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude?

* I went to rehab [for alcoholism] in wine country, just to keep my options open.

* I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, "Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?" And I said, "Did you ever think you [[w:Holocaust|killed all the funny people]]?"

* They made porn movies, of my movies! ''[[Good Will Hunting|Good Will Humping]]''? It's okay... ''[[What Dreams May Come (film)|Wet Dreams May Cum]]''? All right... ''[[Patch Adams (film)|Snatch Adams]]''? That was '''scary'''. A clown with a strap-on. ''[[Popeye (film)|Popeye]]''... I would watch that. "Ag-gag-gag-ga, I creamed me spinach!"

* Twitter broke the other day, and a lot of people were going, "My Thumbs! My thumbs are moving for no reason! What's that?" "A book". <hissing noise> "Who are you?" "Dad. I miss you. Let's ''talk''."

* Okay, let's look at the weather map...(screen behind him shows a massive cyclone) ...FUCK! This is Hurricane Siobhan, this map represents the entire south, the [[w:Eye (cyclone)|asshole in the middle]] is Dallas...um, back to you, Ted, I think I just shit myself.

* There was one guy that had an amazing claim to fame, in terms of drugs and sports. And his name was [[Wikipedia:Dock Ellis|Dock Ellis]]. And Dock Ellis did an incredible thing. The one person who knows, thank you. Dock Ellis pitched a [[Wikipedia:No-hitter|no-hitter]] on LSD. Those of you who have taken LSD, tell the others how hard that might be. If I took LSD, I'd be talking to every blade of grass like <tiptoes across the stage> "Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!"

* ''[regarding Sarah Palin]'' "I know about Russia because I can see it from my front yard!" You have amazing eyesight, number one... Well, I can see San Quentin from my house, but that doesn't make me an expert on prison reform.

* [[Catherine the Great]], [[Golda Meir]], [[Indira Gandhi]]: These may not be women you'd want to fuck, but you definitely don't want to fuck ''with them''. And if you don't think [[Margaret Thatcher|a woman]] can handle a war, [[w:Falklands War|ask the Argentinians]].

* Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer: You can do it, just not as well as the others, really.

==Quotes about Williams==
[[File:Williams Tweeden.jpg|thumb| Playing one character at a time, for months on end, didn’t properly exploit Williams’ unique gift of being everyone at once. ~ [[w:Richard Corliss|Richard Corliss]] ]]
[[File:Empreintes Robbin Williams.jpg|thumb|What hurts most about the apparent [[suicide]] of Robin Williams is that as much as he achieved, he [[died]] in his own [[mind]] unfulfilled. ~ [[w:David Edelstein|David Edelstein]] ]]
[[File:Robin Williams in 2008.jpg|thumb|I don't think I've met anyone as exceptional as Robin was ... every [[moment]] ... could be explosive ''any'' which-way, you didn't know where it was going to go — you didn't know even where it came from — he seemed to be able to channel the [[Cosmos]], and at the same time he was always totally involved with the people around him, he really had a close touch with everybody he touched. ~ [[Terry Gilliam]] ]]
[[File:Robin Williams 2011 (2).jpg|thumb|When the gods ''gift you'' with the type of talent Robin had, there's a price to pay, there always is — it doesn’t come from [[nothing]], It comes from … probably deep problems inside, a concern, all sorts of [[fears]], and yet he could always channel those things and turn them into something gold… ~ [[Terry Gilliam]] ]]
[[File:Bill Maher in Fuck film.jpg|thumb|You could just tell there was a [[humanity]] in Robin Williams. … I didn’t know him well, but I always thought, there’s a very decent person there. ~ [[Bill Maher]] ]]
[[File:Watchmen Smiley.svg|thumb|[[w:Joel Silver|Joel Silver]] set his sights on developing … ''[[Watchmen]]'' into a feature film … Rumors swirled at the time … that … Robin Williams, fresh off his role as a delusional but sprightly vagabond in Gilliam’s ''[[The Fisher King]]'', could be tapped as Rorschach. ~ Kevin McFarland]]
[[File:Rorschach like Inkblot.svg|thumb|"Treatment is simple. The [[great]] [[clown]], [[w:Pagliacci|Pagliacci]], is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up". Man bursts into tears. "But doctor", he says, "I am Pagliacci." Good [[joke]]. Everybody [[laugh]] ~ [[Watchmen (film)|''Watchmen'']] based on the novel by [[Alan Moore]] ]]
[[File:Christopher Reeve MIT cropped.jpg|thumb| Robin is a person who gives to people 24 hours a day. The [[gift]] of [[joy]], the gift of [[laughter]]. Just to be in a room with Robin Williams is a privilege. He’s a gift to the [[world]]. ~ [[Christopher Reeve]] ]]
[[File:Olde Woolen Mill, North Berwick 2.jpg|thumb|He arrived in our [[lives]] as an alien – but he ended up touching every element of the [[human]] [[spirit]]. ~ [[Barack Obama]] ]]
[[File:Zelda Williams.jpg|thumb|Not just my [[world]], but the entire world is forever a little darker, less colorful and less full of [[laughter]] in his absence. We’ll just have to work twice as hard to fill it back up again. ~ [[w:Zelda Williams|Zelda Williams]] ]]

* '''Genie, you're free.'''
** [https://twitter.com/TheAcademy/status/498996314395246593 Tweet from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences (11 Aug 2014)], soon after news of William's death, accompanying an image of the Genie in the film [[Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'' (1992)]], which which was voiced by Williams.

* '''Robin Williams was a wonderful, kind and generous man.''' One important thing I remember about his personality is that he was unassuming — he never acted as if he was powerful or famous. Instead, he was always tender and welcoming, willing to help others with a smile or a joke. Robin was a brilliant comedian — there is no doubt. He was a compassionate, caring human being. While watching him work on the set of the film based on my life — ''[[Patch Adams (film)|Patch Adams]]'' — I saw that whenever there was a stressful moment, Robin would tap into his improvisation style to lighten the mood of cast and crew. … Contrary to how many people may view him, he actually seemed to me to be an introvert. When he invited me and my family into his home, he valued peace and quiet, a chance to breathe — a chance to get away from the fame that his talent has brought him. … I’m enormously grateful for his wonderful performance of my early life, which has allowed the Gesundheit Institute to continue and expand our work.
** [[Patch Adams]], in [http://time.com/3105119/robin-williams-dead-patch-adams-remembers/ "Patch Adams: ‘Thank You for All You’ve Given This World Robin, Thank You My Friend’" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* For years, we had watched with awe as a Niagara of wit poured from his unconscious. Where did that manic waterfall of funny have its source? … Unfortunately, sometimes the mind that runs so fast it can’t keep up with itself also has its downtime. '''I didn’t know he suffered from depression, although it doesn’t surprise me. But it makes me want to do something. I hope it makes us all want to do something.'''
** [[Alan Alda]], as quoted in "Remembering Robin Williams (1951–2014)" in ''TIME'' (13 August 2014)]

* '''There were jokes of his that made me laugh hard, but it was the going from one thing to another, making those connections.''' It’s like how you watch an improv group take suggestions. It was like Robin had the most brilliant audience inside his head throwing out suggestions, because he would put combinations together that were just crazy.''' And how he could work out of the [[moment]]. That working out of the moment is a gift, but he did it on another level.''' … He’s gonna be missed. There’s a hole, and it’s gonna take a long time to be filled.
** [[Lewis Black]], in [http://time.com/3104371/robin-williams-dead-lewis-black-remembrance/ in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* Poor Robin Williams, briefly enduring that lonely moment of morbid certainty where it didn’t matter how funny he was or who loved him or how many lachrymose obituaries would be written. '''I feel bad now that I was unduly and unbefittingly snooty about that handful of his films that were adjudged unsophisticated and sentimental. He obviously dealt with a pain that was impossible to render and ultimately insurmountable, the sentimentality perhaps an accompaniment to his childlike brilliance. We sort of accept that the price for that free-flowing, fast-paced, inexplicable comic genius is a counterweight of solitary misery. That there is an invisible inner economy that demands a high price for breathtaking talent.''' … Robin Williams could have tapped anyone in the western world on the shoulder and told them he felt down and they would have told him not to worry, that he was great, that they loved him. He must have known that. He must have known his wife and kids loved him, that his mates all thought he was great, that millions of strangers the world over held him in their hearts, a hilarious stranger that we could rely on to anarchically interrupt, the all-encompassing sadness of the world. '''Today Robin Williams is part of the sad narrative that we used to turn to him to disrupt.''' … we must reach inward and outward to the light that is inside all of us … Do you have time to tune in to Fox News, to cement your angry views to calcify the certain misery? What I might do is watch ''[[Mrs. Doubtfire]]''. Or ''[[Dead Poets Society]]'' or ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'' and I might be nice to people, mindful today how fragile we all are, how delicate we are, even when fizzing with divine madness that seems like it will never expire.
** [[Russell Brand]], in [http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/aug/12/russell-brand-robin-williams-divine-madness-broken-world "Russell Brand: Robin Williams’ divine madness will no longer disrupt the sadness of the world" in ''The Guardian'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''He was the patriarch of our little clan of comedians in San Francisco. All of us looked at him, in a way, as a father figure.''' … He was just very supportive. He was very shy, and possibly a little embarrassed by his fame. Inside, he really was a comic. Naturally, all comics just wanna hang around other comics, so he would come to these little clubs and open mics, and you’d get bumped, and he would go on and you’d have to follow him, which was always really terrifying because he’s so great, and people were so excited to just be in his presence. … I feel like he was a conduit — that everything he was feeding off of his brilliance was really something he was just channeling. But maybe what allowed him to be so humble and what endeared people to him was that humility, and that he would just turn on that brilliance for you. It was the ultimate form of being present, to channel it. I think that he was very spiritual in a lot of ways. I think it’s so unique you can’t emulate it. If you look at the way comedy is, and look at its history, you don’t find anybody like him at all, except for maybe [[w:Jonathan Winters|Jonathan Winters]] is the closest, and he also was a very dreamlike figure.
** [[Margaret Cho]] [http://time.com/3103608/robin-williams-dead-margaret-cho-remembrance/ "Margaret Cho Remembers Robin Williams: He Was a ‘Father Figure’" by Larry Getlen in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* I guarantee you that thousands, hearing of Robin’s death, asked how he could do it when he had everything: fame, wealth, adulation, family love. And another supposed insulator against the worst of the blues, plenty of work. No combination of those adds up to insurance. And the hectic, nerve-wracking ups and downs of fortune in show business are, of course, a major factor for emotional disequilibrium. … '''I know Robin knew this.''' His death recalled a moment with him years ago in a small club. '''He came off stage after bringing a cheering audience to its feet. “Isn’t it funny how I can bring great happiness to all these people,” he said. “But not to myself.” ''' The non-actor has a major advantage because it’s harder to hide the symptoms. The actor knows how to act.
** [[Dick Cavett]], in [http://time.com/3106170/robin-williams-dead-dick-cavett-suicide-depression/ "Dick Cavett: Robin Williams Won’t Be the Last Suicidal Star" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* Robin and I agreed once that it’s galling to hear — when you’re “in it” — the question: “What have you got to be depressed about?” The great British actor and comedian, [[Stephen Fry]], a fellow-sufferer, replies “And what have you got to have asthma about?” Robin, like his idol [[w:Jonathan Winters|Jonathan Winters]], must have had one of the world’s hardest talents with which to live and retain personal balance. Sitting next to him on my old PBS show was like sitting in the Macy’s barge next to the fireworks going off. He was at full, manic, comic frenzy for an hour without let-up. (We even improvised a short [[Shakespeare]] play together, with and without rhymed couplets.) '''I caught his manic energy. It was exhilarating. And exhausting.''' When it ended, I was wet and spent. It took him a while to come (partially) down, and I thought, “Can this be good for anyone? Can you be able to do all these rapid-fire personality changes and emerge knowing who you yourself are?… Some day, will some chemical link be found between great, great performing talent and susceptibility to that awful conqueror of the talented performer? Are the [[gods]] jealous? Do they cruelly envy the greatly gifted and, in the classic Greek manner, smite them low? The somewhat grim answer: '''We’d better enjoy them while we can.'''
** [[Dick Cavett]], in "Dick Cavett: Robin Williams Won’t Be the Last Suicidal Star" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''Playing one character at a time, for months on end, didn’t properly exploit Williams’ unique gift of being everyone at once.''' His true model and mentor was not an [[Laurence Olivier|Olivier]] or [[Marlon Brando|Brando]] but freeform comic [[w:Jonathan Winters|Jonathan Winters]], who also battled to call a truce with the manifold Genie geniuses in his head. … Why does a clown want to play [[Hamlet]]? Maybe because he thinks he is that melancholy soul whom others find amusingly odd. Williams dropped Mork’s na-nu na-nu and entered dramatic film with the lead in ''[[w:The World According to Garp|The World According to Garp]]''. … Williams infused weird wonder in voice roles for animated features — not only ''[[Aladdin (film)|Aladdin]]'' but ''[[Robots]]'' and ''[[Happy Feet]]''. He was a cartoon, with all the characters, in a man’s body. … '''He could play anyone, but not just one: not “just” Robin Williams. All those voices in the head of this comic Hamlet must have told him it was time to be quiet. The rest is silence.
** [[w:Richard Corliss|Richard Corliss]], in [http://time.com/3102058/robin-williams-dead-remembrance-richard-corliss/ "Robin Williams: The Comic Who Was Hamlet" in ''TIME'' obituary (11 August 2014)]

* On Monday night, as fans around the world began to grieve Robin Williams’s death, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences — best known, in many circles, as the people behind the Oscars — sent out what may be the iconic social media image of Williams’s death. …['''Genie, you're free.'''] … More than 270,000 people have shared the tweet, which means that, per the analytics site Topsy, as many as 69 million people have seen it. The problem? It violates well-established public health standards for how we talk about [[suicide]]. “If it doesn’t cross the line, it comes very, very close to it,” said Christine Moutier, chief medical officer at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. “Suicide should never be presented as an option. That’s a formula for potential contagion.”
** Caitlin Dewey, in [http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2014/08/12/suicide-contagion-and-social-media-the-dangers-of-sharing-genie-youre-free/ "Suicide contagion and social media: The dangers of sharing ‘Genie, you’re free’" in ''The Washington Post'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''What hurts most about the apparent [[suicide]] of Robin Williams is that as much as he achieved, he [[died]] in his own [[mind]] unfulfilled.''' And to an extent, he was unfulfilled — he never found a form that would capture the [[genius]] of his stand-up act or his early appearances on ''[[w:The Tonight Show|The Tonight Show]]'', when his mind worked faster than anyone alive and very possibly dead, when he seemed to be channeling a fleet of circling [[UFO]]s containing the galaxy’s best [[comedy]] [[writers]]. '''The man didn’t need to play a sitcom alien to seem as if he had his own extraterrestrial [[energy]] field.'''
**[[w:David Edelstein|David Edelstein]], in [http://www.vulture.com/2014/08/robin-williams-tribute-obituary.html "Robin Williams, 1951-2014: The Measure of the Man Was Vast" at ''Vulture'' (11 August 2014)]

* '''Williams gave tremendous performances in a handful of movies, but it was Williams bottled and, in most cases, domesticated.''' It didn’t have that free-form, unfettered genius. That said, his nattering sailor in Robert Altman’s messy ''[[Popeye]]'' was musically dazzling. Even more musical was his performance in [[w:Paul Mazursky|Paul Mazursky]]’s ''[[w:Moscow on the Hudson|Moscow on the Hudson]]'', in which the sadness of ''not'' being able to perform was right there in his eyes. … The combination of mania and melancholy tapped something beautiful in him. '''In ''[[The Fisher King]]'', Williams was also at the height of his powers. He knew how to play a man [[dangerously]] in touch with unseen [[forces]], a [[holy]] [[fool]]''', and for once he played opposite actors who were, each in their own way, [[worthy]] of him: [[w:Jeff Bridges|Jeff Bridges]], [[w:Mercedes Ruehl|Mercedes Ruehl]], and, most memorably, [[w:Amanda Plummer|Amanda Plummer]], who should have partnered with him again. We do need to talk about those “domesticated” parts, because they were the ones that won him a huge mainstream audience and, in the case of his avuncular, bearded psychiatrist in ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'', an Oscar. '''This was Williams the crinkle-eyed [[humanist]].''' … The saddest thing is that Williams never found a collaborator who could give him the combination of structure and freedom in which he could thrive … But you know what? You could put together a highlight reel of Williams’s work … and see that the measure of the man was vast. '''Even when his talent was cruelly constricted, his [[soul]] was limitless.'''
**[[w:David Edelstein|David Edelstein]], in "Robin Williams, 1951-2014: The Measure of the Man Was Vast" at ''Vulture'' (11 August 2014)

* '''To the generation of kids who grew up on his movies, Williams was a revelation, a teacher and a lifeline.''' It might seem ridiculous for a generation to claim a universally loved celebrity as their own, but if there was ever a Millennial hero, it was Robin Williams. '''The news that Williams had died, at the age of 63, hit the world like a shockwave yesterday.''' For many older Millennials, like me, who grew up in the ’80s and ’90s, the loss strikes as a particularly hard blow. … Williams’ Dr. Sean Maguire, a counselor who becomes a father-figure to the troubled title character in ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'', punctured even my teenage gloom. He wasn’t jokey, he wasn’t zany, he wasn’t any of the things I had come to associate with Robin Williams, but his warmth was wholly recognizable and I was in awe. And then there’s ''[[Dead Poets Society]]'', one of the ultimate teenage movies … The movie’s plot, which centers on a conservative boys school where a [[radical]] [[teacher]] [[works]] against the [[system]] to inspire his students, is hardly original and I knew that even back then. But the [[zeal]] and [[honesty]] that Williams’ poured into John Keating almost single-handedly elevated the movie from a cliché to an actual [[inspiration]]. Like any teenager, I was a bit disillusioned by school in general, but books and learning and truth were still things that could lure me and Williams’ Keating made a great case for them. To this day, I still can’t resist Williams’ line, “But [[poetry]], [[beauty]], [[romance]], [[love]], these are what we stay [[alive]] for.” '''Yet even with the years of cinematic evidence, I didn’t quite realize how much of an influence Williams had on my generation until today.''' … Everyone seemed to have their own personal memory about watching his films growing up. He was the teacher we always wanted, the baby-sitter we would have loved, the best friend who knew exactly how to make us laugh. It feels like I have always known that Robin Williams was an amazing actor, but I never understood just how amazing. Because looking back on it, I realize that '''his best roles didn’t define him — they helped define us.'''
** Megan Gibson, in [http://time.com/3103255/robin-williams-dead-millennial-hero/ "Why Robin Williams Was a Millennial Hero" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''I don't think I've met anyone as exceptional as Robin was … every moment … could be explosive ''any'' which-way, you didn’t know where it was going to go — you didn’t know even where it came from — he seemed to be able to channel the [[Cosmos]], and at the same time he was always totally involved with the people around him, he really had a close touch with everybody he touched.''' He was absolutely extraordinary. … He seemed to be able to be … a kind of receptor of all knowledge, whatever it was, whether it was in the news, something from an encyclopedia, or from a book, he seemed to ''know'' all of this stuff, and he could then reassemble it, in the most incredible combinations — which was always surprising, funny and … outrageous, really, and I don't know how he did it. … That was always the [[miracle]] of Robin, it was something I've never bean able to explain.
** [[Terry Gilliam]], in video interview, [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-28742837 "Terry Gilliam on the 'miracle of Robin Williams'" at ''BBC News'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''It's just this incredible talent was there that kept him really bright and bouncy… I'm sure on his own, and a lot of times on his own, that wasn't there.''' I think being around people … '''I don’t even think it was even performing at times … I think it was just some [[wondrous]] [[moment]], as this stuff poured out of him, he was exhilarated by it as much as we were, and I think that was so important to Robin.''' And at the same time, he was one of the sweetest people ever walking the planet. '''He really cared about people.''' That's what I found ''amazing'' to be able to see an incredibly huge and complex vision of the world, and yet always, all the individual around him, he was in touch with all the time.
** [[Terry Gilliam]], in "Terry Gilliam on the 'miracle of Robin Williams'" at ''BBC News'' (12 August 2014)

* '''When the gods ''gift you'' with the type of talent Robin had, there's a price to pay, there always is — it doesn’t come from [[nothing]], It comes from … probably deep problems inside, a concern, all sorts of fears, and yet he could always channel those things and turn them into something gold '''… I think that just comes with the territory, frankly.
** [[Terry Gilliam]], in "Terry Gilliam on the 'miracle of Robin Williams'" at ''BBC News'' (12 August 2014)

* '''Robin was a gifted actor and comedian, but he was also a true friend and supporter of our troops.''' From entertaining thousands of service men and women in war zones, to his philanthropy that helped veterans struggling with hidden wounds of war, he was a loyal and compassionate advocate for all who serve this nation in uniform. He will be dearly missed by the men and women of DoD - so many of whom were personally touched by his humor and generosity.
** [[Chuck Hagel]], in [http://www.defense.gov/releases/release.aspx?releaseid=16883 News Release No: NR-424-14 : Statement by Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel on the Passing of Robin Williams (11 August 2014)]

* So many times you meet people they don't impact you. You meet them and they're gracious and they're nice, and then '''there are sometimes when you meet somebody and they say one thing and for the rest of your life you carry that one thing and they don't even know that they impacted your life.''' So here's Robin Williams fully decked out in elephantiasis makeup, like he was the Elephant Man, and we were talking and I'm being super quiet, and he just kind of turns to me and he said, “What's your name?” And I said, “I'm Mila.” And he said, “Yeah? You're on ''[[That '70s Show|'70s]]''?” And then he said, “'''[[Remember]] this [[moment]]. Remember this because things like this don't happen very often. Remember this [[time]].”''' Having somebody of Robin Williams' stature tell me to just acknowledge something meant so much. He didn't ''mentor'' me. He just said, “'''Step back and appreciate this. You're having an amazing time.'''” I was so nervous. And he said, “'''Relax. And don't forget to enjoy yourself because things like this don't happen to everyone.'''” … All he did was say, "Enjoy yourself and don't forget this." Like: "'''Just take a breath and acknowledge that you have an amazing opportunity.'''” 
** [[w:Mila Kunis|Mila Kunis]], as quoted in [http://www.esquire.com/blogs/news/mila-kunis-robin-williams "Robin Williams' Advice to Mila Kunis: 'Remember This Moment'" in ''Esquire'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''Robin and I had a nice friendly relationship. I can’t claim I knew him well, but honestly, I don’t know how many people did.''' He seemed like the kind of guy who didn’t open up to a lot of people. … The thing about Robin that I loved the most — and again, with limited experience — is that when he did my show, he was so great at it, because he was able to achieve something that eludes a lot of comedians who have tried to do ''[[Real Time with Bill Maher|Real Time]]''. It’s not an easy show to do because you have to be very smart about politics. We don’t use a lot of show business people on the panel. I can name the show business people who can do it on a couple of hands — [[Ben Affleck]], [[George Clooney]], [[w:Alec Baldwin|Alec Baldwin]], [[Kerry Washington]] — people who are very politically aware and involved, and that is their passion.… But Robin did the panel, and he was able to both modulate his normal manic persona down to what was appropriate for the show he was doing, and also, completely still be Robin Williams. That is not an easy trajectory to find, and he did, and I always loved him for it. First of all, it means you’re humble — that you understand that you have to shape-shift a little to the show you’re doing. Some people don’t do that. Some people just refuse to do that. They wanna be exactly who they are, on whatever show they’re doing. I don’t agree with that. I think when you’re the guest, you have to bend a little. He did that. '''He was still Robin Williams, but he was exactly right for the show he was doing.'''
** [[Bill Maher]], in [http://time.com/3105100/robin-williams-dead-bill-maher/ "Bill Maher: ‘You Could Just Tell There Was a Humanity in Robin Williams’" by Larry Getlen, in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''His style, when it came on the scene, looked completely new to people, and in many ways it was. He was fast and furious, and I think there’s something else that’s behind there that you can’t really quantify or define, but you could just tell there was a [[humanity]] in Robin Williams.''' He seems like a genuinely nice guy, like a good person who cares and tries to give back to the community. Some people, you get the impression that they’re putting on an act all the time. I didn’t get that impression with Robin Williams. I didn’t know him well, but I always thought, there’s a very decent person there.
** [[Bill Maher]], in ‘You Could Just Tell There Was a Humanity in Robin Williams’" by Larry Getlen, in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)

* In the late 1980’s, film producer [[w:Joel Silver|Joel Silver]] set his sights on developing [[Alan Moore]] and [[w:Dave Gibbons|Dave Gibbons]]’ massively successful graphic novel ''[[Watchmen]]'' into a feature film with director [[Terry Gilliam]]. '''Rumors swirled at the time''', and the 2005 ''Entertainment Weekly'' oral history of the project confirmed that [[Arnold Schwarzenegger]] was in line for Dr. Manhattan, [[w:Richard Gere|Richard Gere]] showed interest, and '''Robin Williams, fresh off his role as a delusional but sprightly vagabond in Gilliam’s ''[[The Fisher King]]'', could be tapped as Rorschach.''' During the hellish development, which would bounce between studios and producers for decades until [[w:Zach Snyder|Zach Snyder]]’s film hit theaters five years ago, casting attention switched from Williams to [[w:Brad Dourif|Brad Dourif]], allegedly due to wariness over fan perception that Williams was unsuitable for the part. Going in a direction away from a captivating comedic performer with overtones of chained darkness looked foolish when [[w:Michael Keaton|Michael Keaton]] proved an excellent Batman as that comic franchise dominated the box office. And that criticism seems even more baseless decades later, after ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'', ''[[Insomnia (2002 film)|Insomnia]]'', ''[[One Hour Photo]]'', and many other films that proved Williams’ heft. '''Rorschach, a deeply haunted man with an ever-changing mask that doesn’t hide an unmistakable [[voice]], [[now]] seems like it would have been a [[perfect]] fit.''' There’s little point in rueing a missed opportunity from 25 years ago. But in the aftermath of Williams’ death at his Bay Area home yesterday, '''many people were quick to point to a moment in ''Watchmen'' when Rorschach sneeringly recites a grim joke about a depressed man who seeks help from a doctor, which now rings frighteningly true:'''
:: ''I heard a joke once. Man goes to doctor, says he's depressed. Life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. '''Doctor says "Treatment is simple. The [[great]] [[clown]], [[w:Pagliacci|Pagliacci]], is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up". Man bursts into tears. "But doctor", he says, "I am Pagliacci." '''Good [[joke]]. Everybody [[laugh]]. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.''
:* Kevin McFarland, in [http://boingboing.net/2014/08/12/remembering-robin-williams-ci.html "Remembering Robin Williams, cinema's Rorschach test" at ''BOING BOING'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''Though a terrifically engaging screen presence at his most gregarious and joke-focused, he had to chops to be just as mesmerizing when muted, which would only draw out tension for the moment when he could turn on the jets and shift to full bombast.''' I’m not sure I can think of another actor with Williams’ combined dominant traits: instantly recognizable for his warmth and energy, fiercely multitalented, flying between understated and exuberant emotional extremes in comedy and drama, and yet maligned whenever the unpredictable balance he struck in a given performance didn’t match the critical ideal. In that way his Academy Award for ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'' in 1997 is both the peak of his control and the most patronizing harness of his career. Here is your reward for taking the raging combustion, powerful as a radiant star, and tamping it down to understated levels while remaining perforated, so that emotional peaks still have a chance to flare out. It was an unhelpful and unjust expectation on an actor who did nothing but give of himself to his performance. …''' it’s too limiting right now to call Robin Williams simply a comedian, despite the tremendous outpouring from the comedy community that continues today. He was an actor, one of the most gifted and adventurous performers of his generation''', and it’s a [[shame]] that it took something like his tragic death to take stock of the possibility that the outsized expectations of an audience could have prevented more people from simply enjoying the effort Williams made in so many films, no matter the critical adjudication.
:* Kevin McFarland, in "Remembering Robin Williams, cinema's Rorschach test" at ''BOING BOING'' (12 August 2014)

* Robin Williams was an airman, a doctor, a genie, a nanny, a president, a professor, a bangarang [[Peter Pan]], and everything in between. But he was one of a kind. '''He arrived in our lives as an alien – but he ended up touching every element of the human spirit. He made us laugh. He made us cry. He gave his immeasurable talent freely and generously to those who needed it most''' – from our troops stationed abroad to the marginalized on our own streets. The Obama family offers our condolences to Robin’s family, his friends, and everyone who found their voice and their verse thanks to Robin Williams.
** [[Barack Obama]], in [http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2014/08/11/statement-president-passing-robin-williams "Statement by the President on the Passing of Robin Williams" (11 August 2014)]

* '''My friendship with Robin Williams is one of the real joys of my life''' … Robin is a person who gives to people 24 hours a day. The gift of joy, the gift of laughter. Just to be in a room with Robin Williams is a privilege. He’s a gift to the world.
** [[Christopher Reeve]], as quoted in [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/08/12/robin-williams-and-christopher-reeve-s-epic-friendship-and-the-greatest-williams-story-ever-told.html "Robin Williams and Christopher Reeve's Epic Friendship and the Greatest Williams Story Ever Told" in ''The Daily Beast'' (12 August 2014)]

* In the wake of Williams' death at his home here Monday, fans around the world have struggled to understand what could have led a man whose thousand-megawatt comic persona had brought so much joy to millions to such depths of despair. But '''Williams' closest friends and colleagues knew well that the beneath his manic, Technicolor exterior, the actor had battled depression for years.''' In recent months — as Williams wrestled with the cancellation of his CBS TV series ''[[The Crazy Ones]]'' and fought to maintain a sobriety that had at times proved fragile — those friends could see that he was losing that fight. …  In early July, Williams checked himself into the Hazelden addiction treatment center in Center City, Minn. He had not fallen off the wagon, his publicist said at the time, but was instead struggling to hold himself together as he crumbled under the weight of depression. 
** Josh Rottenberg, Amy Kaufman and Lee Romney, in [http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/movies/la-et-mn-robin-williams-last-days-20140813-story.html#page=1 "Robin Williams' friends saw signs he was succumbing to depression" in ''The Los Angeles Times'' (13 August 2014)]

* '''This morning, I lost my husband and my best [[friend]], while the world lost one of its most beloved artists and beautiful human beings.''' I am utterly heartbroken. On behalf of Robin's family, we are asking for privacy during our time of profound grief. As he is remembered, it is our hope the focus will not be on Robin's death, but on the countless moments of joy and laughter he gave to millions.
** Susan Schneider, his widow, as quoted in [http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/robin-williams-family-movingly-remembers-725138 Robin Williams' Family Movingly Remembers "A Gentle Soul" Who "Loved to Laugh"] by Gregg Kilday, in ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (12 August 2014)

* Robin Williams was beloved by the U.S. military, perhaps even more so than by the American public. '''He carried [[Bob Hope]]’s mantle as a funny man far from home, often in inhospitable places.''' Throughout his career, Williams made six [[w:USO|USO]] tours to [[Iraq]], [[Afghanistan]], and 11 other countries and performed for 90,000 troops by the time of his final tour in 2010.
** Mark Thompson, in [http://time.com/3103930/robin-williams-military-uso/ "The Military Absolutely Loved Robin Williams" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''The death of Robin Williams this week was a shock, the kind of event that makes people stop, even in the crush of other terrible news from all corners of the globe, and feel a stinging sense of loss for someone they never met.''' That there was the ritual rush of response on Twitter, Facebook, and in online comments, was to be expected. Though Williams had had issues with substance abuse, and made trips to rehab, this wasn't someone who seemed in danger of going over the edge. The idea that a performer who was synonymous with rapid-fire wit and boundless energy would take his own life was at first hard to believe, and then deeply sad. But even as Williams is mourned, the scope of reactions illustrates how wide-ranging his appeal was. … '''this performer known for his anarchic merriment was sometimes at his best when he was most subtle. And Williams' best was something special, and rare, and worth remembering.'''
** Kristi Turnquist, in [http://www.oregonlive.com/movies/index.ssf/2014/08/robin_williams_the_timeless_ap.html "Robin Williams: The timeless appeal of his best movies -- and a memorable TV appearance on 'Louie'" in ''The Oregonian'' (13 August 2014)]

* '''Yesterday, I lost my father and a best friend and the world got a little grayer.''' I will carry his heart with me every day. I would ask those that loved him to remember him by being as gentle, kind, and generous as he would be. '''Seek to bring [[joy]] to the world as he sought.'''
** Zachary Williams, as quoted in [http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/robin-williams-family-movingly-remembers-725138 Robin Williams' Family Movingly Remembers "A Gentle Soul" Who "Loved to Laugh"] by Gregg Kilday, in ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (12 August 2014)

* '''He was always warm, even in his darkest moments.''' While I’ll never, ever understand how he could be loved so deeply and not find it in his heart to stay, there’s minor comfort in knowing our grief and loss, in some small way, is shared with millions. It doesn’t help the pain, but at least it’s a burden countless others now know we carry, and so many have offered to help lighten the load. Thank you for that. To those he touched who are sending kind words, know that one of his favorite things in the world was to make you all laugh. As for those who are sending negativity, know that some small, giggling part of him is sending a flock of pigeons to your house to poop on your car. Right after you’ve had it washed. After all, he loved to laugh too… '''Dad was, is and always will be one of the kindest, most generous, gentlest souls I’ve ever known, and while there are few things I know for certain right now, one of them is that not just my world, but the entire world is forever a little darker, less colorful and less full of laughter in his absence. We’ll just have to work twice as hard to fill it back up again.
** [[w:Zelda Williams|Zelda Williams]], as quoted in [http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/robin-williams-family-movingly-remembers-725138 Robin Williams' Family Movingly Remembers "A Gentle Soul" Who "Loved to Laugh"] by Gregg Kilday, in ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (12 August 2014)

* When he auditioned for the role of Mork from Ork on ''[[Happy Days]]'' (1974), producer [[w:Garry Marshall|Garry Marshall]] told him to sit down. '''Williams immediately sat on his head on the chair.''' Marshall hired him, saying that he was the only alien who auditioned. During the making of ''[[Mork & Mindy]]'' (1978), '''Williams departed from the scripts and ad libbed so many times and so well, that the producers stopped trying to make him stick to the script and deliberately left gaps in the later scripts leaving only, "Mork can go off here" in those places so Robin could improvise.''' … Asked by [[w:James Lipton|James Lipton]] about what he would like [[God]] to say when he arrives in [[heaven]], Williams answered that "There is a seat in the front" in the concert of [[Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart]] and [[Elvis Presley]].
** [http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/latest-news/odd-facts-about-robin-williams/story-fn3dxix6-1227021946139?nk=a7a4029d84365fedfec8d502e2787d1a "Odd facts about Robin Williams" in ''The Australian'' (12 August 2014)]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

* {{official website|http://www.robinwilliams.com}}
* {{IMDb name|245}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Williams, Robin}}
[[Category:2014 deaths]]
[[Category:Stand-up comedians]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:American stand-up comedians]]
[[Category:American actors]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:People from Illinois]]
[[Category:Anglicans]]

Robin Williams

2016-12-27T01:45:36Z

StjJackson: /* Weapons of Self Destruction (2010) */

[[File:Robin Williams 2011a (2).jpg |thumb|[[Comedy]] can be a [[cathartic]] way to deal with [[personal]] [[trauma]].]]
'''[[w:Robin Williams|Robin McLaurin Williams]]''' ([[July 21]], [[1951]] – [[August 11]], [[2014]]) was an [[w:United States|American]] stand-up comedian, actor, director, producer, writer, singer, voice artist, and comedian.

==Quotes==
[[File:Defense.gov News Photo 041214-A-4934L-1562.jpg|thumb|You're only given a little spark of madness and if you lose that, you're [[nothing]].]]
[[File:Robin Williams Canada.jpg|thumb|I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."]]
[[File:Robin Williams.jpg|thumb|right|You have the right to bear arms, you have the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!]]
[[File:Robin Williams Aviano.jpg|thumb|Unless you're passing a bowling ball, I don't think so.]]
[[File:Robin williams uso.jpg|thumb|And if you want a linguistic adventure, go [[drinking]] with a Scotsman. 'Cause you can't fuckin' [[understand]] them ''before!'']]
[[File:Robin Williams in Camp Phoenix.jpg|thumb|Some people say [[Jesus]] wasn't [[Jewish]]. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents! Come on! He [[work]]s in his [[father]]'s [[business]], his [[Mother|mom]] thought he was [[God]]'s [[gift]]! He's Jewish! Give it up!]]
[[File:Robin Williams Bahrain.jpg|thumb|What kind of [[food]] did we drop on [[Afghanistan]]? Pop-Tarts, peanut butter... just add a Honey Baked Ham and you've got a redneck [[Christmas]].]]
[[File:Robin Williams 2008.jpg|thumb|In the midst of all this, there was [[w:Bernard Madoff|Bernie Madoff]]. An embezzler named "made off." Hmm. Was the [[name]] not a [[clue]]? Did he have to be with the [[accounting]] firm of Dewey, Fuckyou, and Howe?]]
[[File:Happy Feet Premiere (307985736).jpg|thumb|[[Catherine the Great]], [[Golda Meir]], [[Indira Gandhi]]: These may not be women you'd want to fuck, but you definitely don't want to fuck ''with them.'' And if you don't think a [[Margaret Thatcher|woman]] can [[w:Falklands War|handle a war]], ask the Argentinians.]]
[[File:Robin Williams.jpg|thumb|One of the fundamental things is in a jihad! That sounds like a country western term like, "Jiii-had!"]]


* '''I would like to do for you now, a Japanese science fiction movie: "Attack of the Killer Vibrators."''' 
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH7crqRvhhc Performance at the L.A. Improv (1977)]

* Before I go on, I want to ask if there are any [[w:Hell's Angels|Hell's Angels]] here tonight? ''[no response]'' … Those pussy-whipped faggots!
** Performance at the L.A. Improv (1977)

* I would like to do [[Shakespeare]]'s only unknown piece, ''That's the Way I Lick It'' ... It's a bleak night my Lord. '''Look! The [[moon]] like a testicle hangs low in the sky. This bodes not well.''' ... Anon, post-haste, let's get a larger crowd in here. Free Cocaine! There's no luck. Does anyone have drugs to ease my pain? My Kingdom for a Quaalude! … It is the end! I must go, for I cannot come here, and yet, it has been brief, 'tis over, and the lights do turn bright. ''I'm melting! [[James_Clavell#The_Fly_.281958.29|Help me! Help me!]]'' 
** Performance at the L.A. Improv (1977)

*  '''You're only given a little spark of madness and if you lose that, you're [[nothing]].'''
** ''A Night at the Roxy'' (1978)

* [[Death]] is [[nature]]'s way of saying, "Your table is ready."
** As quoted in ''The Fourth—And by Far the Most Recent—637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said'' (1990) edited by Robert Byrne, p, 518

* '''Parry is a man with a previous life that was so damaged that he had to create another [[personality]].''' … It's like post-traumatic stress syndrome: Some [[people]] respond to traumatic or tragic events by withdrawal; some even create other personalities. '''Parry is a creation — somewhat [[w:Don Quixote|Don Quixote]], somewhat [[Groucho Marx]] — but he's a creation designed to avoid a past event.'''
** On his role in ''[[The Fisher King]]'' (1991), as quoted in [http://www.smart.co.uk/dreams/fkprod1.htm "Dreams: ''The Fisher King''" (2006) edited by Phil Stubbs]

* '''[[Comedy]] can be a [[cathartic]] way to deal with [[personal]] [[trauma]].'''
** [http://parade.condenast.com/154817/dotsonrader/robin-williams-on-returning-to-tv-getting-sober-and-downsizing-in-his-60s/ "Robin Williams on Returning to TV, Getting Sober, and Downsizing in His 60s", ''Parade'' (12 September 2013)]

===''Reality...What a Concept'' (1979)===
* I'd like to start the show by showing you something I'm very proud of. You'll have to step back, though.

* ''[spoofing [[Fred Rogers|Mr. Rogers]]]'' It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood... oh, damn, someone stole my sneakers. Let's do some wonderful things today, boys and girls; but first, do you mind if I take some more medication? It helps the day go a little bit slower. There we go. Now we're gonna do some wonderful experiments you can do around the house. Let's put Mr. Hamster in the microwave, okay?... He knows where he's going. BEEP! ''Pop'' goes the weasel! That's severe radiation. Can you say "severe radiation"? Oh, look, you got a little balloon now.

* ''[as a Shakespearean narrator]'' Mind not my words — Let the ''play'' be the thing. I'll get back forth and touch myself anon.

* I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."

* There was an old, crazy dude who used to live a long time ago. His name was Lord Buckley. And he said, a long time ago, he said, "People: They're kinda like flowers and it's been a privilege walking in your garden." My love goes with you.

===''[[w:A Night at the Met|A Night at the Met]]'' (1986)===
* My God, what am I doing here? It's weird. How do you get to the Met? Money! Lots and lots of money! I can imagine [[w:Luciano Pavarotti|Pavarotti]] next door at the improv going, "Two Jews walk into a bar..."

* Beer commercials usually show ''big'' men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's 5:00 in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."

* The sound crapped out for a bit, that's why I'm using [[w:suppository|SupposiSound]]! No one wants their tapes back, I wonder why.

* We were talking briefly about cocaine...yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!

* They call it freebasing. It's not free, it costs you your house! It should be called home basing! Three signs you're addicted to cocaine: First of all, if you come home to your house and you have no furniture and your cat's going "I'm outta here, prick!," Warning! Number two: If you have this dream where you're doing cocaine in your sleep and you can't fall asleep, and you wake up and you're doing cocaine, BINGO! Number three: if on your tax form it says, "$50,000 for snacks," MAYDAY!

* Baseball players have to go in front of a grand jury and say, "Yeah, I did cocaine. Can you blame me? It's a slow goddamn game! Come on Jack! Standing out in left field for seven innings, and there's a long white line going down to home plate! I see the guy putting it out going "Heh heh heh heh!!!!" And that damn organ music too, the whole [does intro to "Charge!"]! Third base coach is always doing this...[wiping nose, fidgeting around]. When he's doing that, I don't know whether to slide or do a line! People sliding into home plate head first, umpire goes, "You're out!" "No, baby, I'm up now! Ha ha ha!"

* The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!

* [On husbands sharing their wives' childbearing experience] Unless you're passing a bowling ball, I don't think so. Unless you're trying to circumcise yourself with a chainsaw, I don't think so. Unless you're opening an umbrella up your ass, I don't think so!

* Thank you. How-DY! Whoops, wrong opera house. How do you like the play, Mr. [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]]? Duck!

* [Comparing [[Ronald Reagan]]'s Cabinet to ''[[Star Wars]]''] There's [[Henry Kissinger]] as Yoda, "Must now cannot see understanding that I be here for you. I will show you now, Nicaragua, Cambodia, Nicaragua, Cambodia, shhh. Must later understand!"

===''[[w:Inside the Actors Studio|Inside the Actors Studio]]'' (2001)===
:Season 7, Episode 15 (10 June 2001)

* The professor was on acid, and sometimes he'd shout, "I'm Lincoln!" And then, there'd be a kid in the back, "I'm [[w:John Wilkes Booth|Booth]]!"

* (On creating) And you get that little endorphin buzz, it's great. Why do you think Einstein looked like that? I don't think he was going "You know this is some dynamite weed! It's all relative you know."

* (Imitating Royal Family) I've tell you we've not been inbred but don't look at the ears. That's all we can do is screw in a light bulb. Look at the teeth, look at the ears and go, something's gone wrong. Gene pool is a jacuzzi back up."

* I'd like to welcome you the [[w:Aircraft Owners and Pilots Association|AOPA]]. There's also aa-AOPA. If this is your first time flying a plane on alcohol, I'd like to welcome ya!

* Imitating [[w:Luciano Pavarotti|Pavarotti]]. "It is amazing I know it is huge. BEHOLD IT. IT IS GROWING. ALL OF MY PHALLUS IS A SHOWING!"

=== ''Robin Williams: Live on Broadway'' (2002)===
* [[Michael Jackson|Michael]] is claiming racism, and I'm like, "Honey, you gotta pick a race first!" What are you claiming, mistreatment of elves? What are you saying?

* And that's when you realize that God gave you a penis and a brain and only enough blood to run one at a time.

* I do know this one thing. I know there is a cure for whatever bioterrorism they send at us. I know there's one. And it lies within [[Keith Richards]], I know that. He is the only man on the planet who can go ''[pantomimes snorting a line of powder]'' "Anthrax? All riiiiight! Doesn't go with my ''E. coli'', but fuck." Keith is the only man who can make the Osbornes look fucking Amish. He's insane! I've seen Keith go to a drug dealer and the drug dealer's like "I'm out, man, I'm sorry. I have nothing left!" Supposedly, he goes to Switzerland and changes his blood, not like one pint, but like a fucking Chevrolet, all of it. I just wanna know, who gets his blood? Some old Swiss man's going "HEIDI! We got to go on tour, you bitch! Got to go pay for Mick's babies! C'mon!" Because I know this: we may all be dead and gone, Keith will still be there with five cockroaches. Keith'll go "You know I smoked your uncle, did you know that? Fucking crazy…"

* And the French! The French have a bomb, too! Maybe they have the Michelin Bomb—ah! Only destroys restaurants under 4 stars! They are one of the only people that still test their bombs! Where do they do it? In the Sahara in the total wasteland? No, fuck off! In Tahiti! In paradise. Why? Because we're French. Oh, look, a Greenpeace boat coming to protest—fuck off. I sink you.

* [''Imitating a Frenchman''] Fuck you, Americans! Uncultured, crass Americans! We hate all of you! Fu—the Germans are here! Hello, Americans! We love you!

* The Swiss…the nice Germans, or as they like to say, the other white race. Now how can you trust an army…how butch is an army that has a wine opener on its knife? "Many of you have never opened Chardonnay under fire! First, you pull the cork out, sniff it, say, 'Meat or fish?', and throw! ''(Military cadence)'' I don't know, but I've been told, Chardonnay must be served cold! Ja!"

* [[George W. Bush|Dubya]] doesn't speak while [[Dick Cheney|Cheney]]'s drinking water. Check that shit out.

* And some people say [[Jesus]] wasn't Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents! Come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift! He's Jewish! Give it up!

* ''[Describing the drinking habits of different ethnic groups]'' You know if you're Irish, you've got a running start that you can do it better than we are. ''[Irish accent]'' You know that because if you're Irish, you know, you'll kick my ass but then you'll fuckin' sing about it afterwards. ''[sings, dances a jig]'' "Oh, the night you said my wife was fat, I knocked you down and shit in your hat!" And then you keep drinking 'til you're in your eighties and you're on a dialysis machine, doing Liverdance and Michael Flatline! ''Beeeeeep!'' And they say the Irish saved civilization, drank a couple of Guinness and forgot where they fuckin' put it, but that's all right. ''[shifting to Japanese accent]'' Here's the drill, and the Japanese? They drink differently than us. It is a different thing where you can be very polite during the day, and all of a sudden you "''arigatou gozaimasu''." And after five Jack Daniels... "TIE A YELLOW RIBBON! Hey, fuckers! Karaoke for asshole with a microphone! Sing, you round-eyed fuck, come on!" ''[shifting to Scottish accent]'' And if you want a linguistic adventure, go drinking with a Scotsman - 'cause you can't fuckin' understand them ''before''!

* And you realize how drunk (Scotsmen) get; they could wear [[w:Kilt|a skirt]] and not care! And how they could invent a sport like golf! ''[Imitating a drunk Scotsman]'' "Here's my idea for a fuckin' sport. I knock a ball in a gopher hole!" Oh, you mean like pool? "Fuck off pool! Not with a straight stick, with a little fucked-up stick! I'll whack a ball and it goes in a gopher hole!" Oh, you mean like croquet? "FUCK CROQUET! I'll put the hole hundreds of yards away! Oh, fuck oh yeah! It's great fun, there! It's a great thing!" Oh, like a bowling thing? "FUCK NOOOOO! Not straight, I put shit in the way! Like trees and bushes and high grass! So you can lose your fuckin' ball and go whackin' away with a fuckin' tire iron! Whackin' away and every time you feel like you're going to have a stroke, ah ha! Fuck, that's what we'll call it, a 'stroke'! 'Cause every time you miss, you feel like you're going to fuckin' die! Oh great! And here's the better part, oh fuck, this is brilliant. Right near the end, I'll put a flat piece, with a little flag to give you fuckin' hope. But then I'll put in a pool and a sandbox to fuck with your ball again! Ah, you'll be there trashing your ass, jerking your way in the sand, ah ha!" Oh, and you do this one time? "FUCK NOOOO! EIGHTEEN FUCKIN' TIMES!"

* I want [[w:Andrés Cantor|the guy who does Mexican soccer]] to do golf one time. "The ball is starting…the ball is going to the…HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE!" Just to see all those old WASPy motherfuckers go "Oh dear Christ! My God, they're not gardening, they're playing now, oh shit! What the hell are we gonna do?" Because that was their last domain of dominance. It was their area, they were the king, up until…[[w:Tiger Woods|Tiger]]. Yesss. Son of a black man and a Thai woman, not even a German geneticist could've thought that one up!

* Now, at the airports, if you're heavily pierced, like some of my friends, it's like, ''(steps forward)'' "BZZT!" "Please remove anything from your pockets." Tip of the iceberg. ''(pantomimes removing various piercings from the ears, nose, eyebrows, lips; then reaches to the side, grabs an imaginary drill, points it at his crotch and makes a drilling noise)'' For those playing the home game, this is what's known as a Prince Albert. And I'm sure that was his last wish. "Victoria, I'm dying…I want you to name a museum, a performance hall, and a [[w:Prince Albert (genital piercing)|bolt through the cock]] after me…and that will be [[w:Victoria's Secret|Victoria's Secret]]."

* What kind of food did we drop on Afghanistan? Pop-Tarts, peanut butter…just add a Honey Baked Ham and you've got a redneck Christmas. Why are we dropping this food on Afghanistan? Tastes a hell of a lot better than dirt, #1. #2, difficult to have a call to jihad with a mouth full of peanut butter. Thirdly, Afghanistan is a hashish-smoking culture, and anyone who's ever been a friend of the hookah will go, (intense, stoned stare) "Pop-Tarts!"

* As beatific as [[Gandhi]] was, I'm sure there was some guy in a Bombay bar going, "I knew Gandhi…he was a prick. He was sucking down a pork hot dog, hitting on [[Mother Teresa]]. He kept saying, "Who's your diaper daddy? Who's your diaper daddy?"

* One of the fundamental things is in a jihad. That sounds like a country western term like, "Jiii-had!"

===''Weapons of Self Destruction'' (2010)===
* Welcome to Washington, D.C., where the buck stops here! Way to go. And then it's [[w:2008 Bank Bailout|handed out to AIG and many other people]].

* And you know that if they [[w:Marijuana|legalize it]], they'll have to regulate it, which means that they'll have to put a message on a box of joints, it'll say, "Surgeon General has determined this will make your music...'''awesome'''! Even Yanni. And if you think you liked cartoons ''before''..."

* There is one man that we can run for office that even the French would say "Fuck off!" That man...is [[w:Jack Nicholson|Jack Nicholson]]. Yes! You will never have a sex scandal with Jack because he has fucked ''everyone''!

*I was on this German talk show and this woman said to me, she said, "Mr. Williams, why do you think there's not so much comedy in Germany?" I said, "Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?" ''[laughter and applause]'' And...it was...and here's where it got interesting. She didn't bat an eyelash. She just went "No". At that point, even God's going, "Do you get it?!" German comedy: "Knock-knock--We ask the questions!".

* And if you're looking for [[Sarah Palin]]'s [[w:Going Rogue: An American Life|new book]], it is a bitch to find! I found it somewhere between fiction and non-fiction, in the fantasy aisle.

* My favorite athletes of any Olympics are always the African distance runners. You ''never'' have to drug test an African distance runner.
:"Are you on drugs?"
:"No, I'm looking for food."
:And I'm sure in Kenya they have a ''chicken'' that can run a sub 2-hour marathon....One of my favorite runners of all time was [[w:Abebe Bikila|Abebe Bikila]]. He was an Ethiopian distance runner and he won the Rome Olympics ''[marathon]'' running barefoot. He was then sponsored by Adidas. He ran the next Olympics, he ''carried the fuckin' shoes.'' No performance enhancement there.

* I walked into my son's room the other day, and he's got four screens going at the same time. He's watching a movie on one screen, playing a game on another, downloading something on this one, texting on that one, people say "He's got ADD." Fuck that, he's multitasking.

* When I was growing up they used to say, "Robin, drugs can kill you." Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me, "Robin, you need drugs to live." I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer...

* These drugs have side effects that go on for fuckin' days, like tendency-to-grow-another-head, oh my God! When ''we'' were growing up we knew the side effects of the drugs we were taking. Cocaine, side effects were paranoia, ninjas-on-the-lawn; quaaludes, side effects were talking in tongues, English as a second language; marijuana, side effects were laughter, Frosted Flakes.

* You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

* We still have great comedy out there. There's always ramblin' [[Joe Biden]]. What the fuck? Joe says shit that even people with [[Wikipedia:Tourette syndrome|Tourette's]] go "no..."

* Cheney [[w:Dick Cheney hunting incident|shot a man in the face]] hunting quail. I don't know about East coast quail, but California quail are this fucking big. ''(indicates a position about a foot above the stage floor)''

* In the midst of all this, there was [[w:Bernard Madoff|Bernie Madoff]]. An embezzler named "made off." Hmm. Was the name not a clue? Did he have to be with the accounting firm of Dewey, Fuckyou, and Howe?

* Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude?

* I went to rehab [for alcoholism] in wine country, just to keep my options open.

* I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, "Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?" And I said, "Did you ever think you [[w:Holocaust|killed all the funny people]]?"

* They made porn movies, of my movies! ''[[Good Will Hunting|Good Will Humping]]''? It's okay... ''[[What Dreams May Come (film)|Wet Dreams May Cum]]''? All right... ''[[Patch Adams (film)|Snatch Adams]]''? That was '''scary'''. A clown with a strap-on. ''[[Popeye (film)|Popeye]]''... I would watch that. "Ag-gag-gag-ga, I creamed me spinach!"

* Twitter broke the other day, and a lot of people were going, "My Thumbs! My thumbs are moving for no reason! What's that?" "A book". <hissing noise> "Who are you?" "Dad. I miss you. Let's ''talk''."

* Okay, let's look at the weather map...(screen behind him shows a massive cyclone) ...FUCK! This is Hurricane Siobhan, this map represents the entire south, the [[w:Eye (cyclone)|asshole in the middle]] is Dallas...um, back to you, Ted, I think I just shit myself.

* There was one guy that had an amazing claim to fame, in terms of drugs and sports. And his name was [[Wikipedia:Dock Ellis|Dock Ellis]]. And Dock Ellis did an incredible thing. The one person who knows, thank you. Dock Ellis pitched a [[Wikipedia:No-hitter|no-hitter]] on LSD. Those of you who have taken LSD, tell the others how hard that might be. If I took LSD, I'd be talking to every blade of grass like <tiptoes across the stage> "Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!"

* ''[regarding Sarah Palin]'' "I know about Russia because I can see it from my front yard!" You have amazing eyesight, number one... Well, I can see San Quentin from my house, but that doesn't make me an expert on prison reform.

* [[Catherine the Great]], [[Golda Meir]], [[Indira Gandhi]]: These may not be women you'd want to fuck, but you definitely don't want to fuck ''with them''. And if you don't think [[Margaret Thatcher|a woman]] can handle a war, [[w:Falklands War|ask the Argentinians]].

* Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer: You can do it, just not as well as the others, really.

==Quotes about Williams==
[[File:Williams Tweeden.jpg|thumb| Playing one character at a time, for months on end, didn’t properly exploit Williams’ unique gift of being everyone at once. ~ [[w:Richard Corliss|Richard Corliss]] ]]
[[File:Empreintes Robbin Williams.jpg|thumb|What hurts most about the apparent [[suicide]] of Robin Williams is that as much as he achieved, he [[died]] in his own [[mind]] unfulfilled. ~ [[w:David Edelstein|David Edelstein]] ]]
[[File:Robin Williams in 2008.jpg|thumb|I don't think I've met anyone as exceptional as Robin was ... every [[moment]] ... could be explosive ''any'' which-way, you didn't know where it was going to go — you didn't know even where it came from — he seemed to be able to channel the [[Cosmos]], and at the same time he was always totally involved with the people around him, he really had a close touch with everybody he touched. ~ [[Terry Gilliam]] ]]
[[File:Robin Williams 2011 (2).jpg|thumb|When the gods ''gift you'' with the type of talent Robin had, there's a price to pay, there always is — it doesn’t come from [[nothing]], It comes from … probably deep problems inside, a concern, all sorts of [[fears]], and yet he could always channel those things and turn them into something gold… ~ [[Terry Gilliam]] ]]
[[File:Bill Maher in Fuck film.jpg|thumb|You could just tell there was a [[humanity]] in Robin Williams. … I didn’t know him well, but I always thought, there’s a very decent person there. ~ [[Bill Maher]] ]]
[[File:Watchmen Smiley.svg|thumb|[[w:Joel Silver|Joel Silver]] set his sights on developing … ''[[Watchmen]]'' into a feature film … Rumors swirled at the time … that … Robin Williams, fresh off his role as a delusional but sprightly vagabond in Gilliam’s ''[[The Fisher King]]'', could be tapped as Rorschach. ~ Kevin McFarland]]
[[File:Rorschach like Inkblot.svg|thumb|"Treatment is simple. The [[great]] [[clown]], [[w:Pagliacci|Pagliacci]], is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up". Man bursts into tears. "But doctor", he says, "I am Pagliacci." Good [[joke]]. Everybody [[laugh]] ~ [[Watchmen (film)|''Watchmen'']] based on the novel by [[Alan Moore]] ]]
[[File:Christopher Reeve MIT cropped.jpg|thumb| Robin is a person who gives to people 24 hours a day. The [[gift]] of [[joy]], the gift of [[laughter]]. Just to be in a room with Robin Williams is a privilege. He’s a gift to the [[world]]. ~ [[Christopher Reeve]] ]]
[[File:Olde Woolen Mill, North Berwick 2.jpg|thumb|He arrived in our [[lives]] as an alien – but he ended up touching every element of the [[human]] [[spirit]]. ~ [[Barack Obama]] ]]
[[File:Zelda Williams.jpg|thumb|Not just my [[world]], but the entire world is forever a little darker, less colorful and less full of [[laughter]] in his absence. We’ll just have to work twice as hard to fill it back up again. ~ [[w:Zelda Williams|Zelda Williams]] ]]

* '''Genie, you're free.'''
** [https://twitter.com/TheAcademy/status/498996314395246593 Tweet from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences (11 Aug 2014)], soon after news of William's death, accompanying an image of the Genie in the film [[Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'' (1992)]], which which was voiced by Williams.

* '''Robin Williams was a wonderful, kind and generous man.''' One important thing I remember about his personality is that he was unassuming — he never acted as if he was powerful or famous. Instead, he was always tender and welcoming, willing to help others with a smile or a joke. Robin was a brilliant comedian — there is no doubt. He was a compassionate, caring human being. While watching him work on the set of the film based on my life — ''[[Patch Adams (film)|Patch Adams]]'' — I saw that whenever there was a stressful moment, Robin would tap into his improvisation style to lighten the mood of cast and crew. … Contrary to how many people may view him, he actually seemed to me to be an introvert. When he invited me and my family into his home, he valued peace and quiet, a chance to breathe — a chance to get away from the fame that his talent has brought him. … I’m enormously grateful for his wonderful performance of my early life, which has allowed the Gesundheit Institute to continue and expand our work.
** [[Patch Adams]], in [http://time.com/3105119/robin-williams-dead-patch-adams-remembers/ "Patch Adams: ‘Thank You for All You’ve Given This World Robin, Thank You My Friend’" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* For years, we had watched with awe as a Niagara of wit poured from his unconscious. Where did that manic waterfall of funny have its source? … Unfortunately, sometimes the mind that runs so fast it can’t keep up with itself also has its downtime. '''I didn’t know he suffered from depression, although it doesn’t surprise me. But it makes me want to do something. I hope it makes us all want to do something.'''
** [[Alan Alda]], as quoted in "Remembering Robin Williams (1951–2014)" in ''TIME'' (13 August 2014)]

* '''There were jokes of his that made me laugh hard, but it was the going from one thing to another, making those connections.''' It’s like how you watch an improv group take suggestions. It was like Robin had the most brilliant audience inside his head throwing out suggestions, because he would put combinations together that were just crazy.''' And how he could work out of the [[moment]]. That working out of the moment is a gift, but he did it on another level.''' … He’s gonna be missed. There’s a hole, and it’s gonna take a long time to be filled.
** [[Lewis Black]], in [http://time.com/3104371/robin-williams-dead-lewis-black-remembrance/ in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* Poor Robin Williams, briefly enduring that lonely moment of morbid certainty where it didn’t matter how funny he was or who loved him or how many lachrymose obituaries would be written. '''I feel bad now that I was unduly and unbefittingly snooty about that handful of his films that were adjudged unsophisticated and sentimental. He obviously dealt with a pain that was impossible to render and ultimately insurmountable, the sentimentality perhaps an accompaniment to his childlike brilliance. We sort of accept that the price for that free-flowing, fast-paced, inexplicable comic genius is a counterweight of solitary misery. That there is an invisible inner economy that demands a high price for breathtaking talent.''' … Robin Williams could have tapped anyone in the western world on the shoulder and told them he felt down and they would have told him not to worry, that he was great, that they loved him. He must have known that. He must have known his wife and kids loved him, that his mates all thought he was great, that millions of strangers the world over held him in their hearts, a hilarious stranger that we could rely on to anarchically interrupt, the all-encompassing sadness of the world. '''Today Robin Williams is part of the sad narrative that we used to turn to him to disrupt.''' … we must reach inward and outward to the light that is inside all of us … Do you have time to tune in to Fox News, to cement your angry views to calcify the certain misery? What I might do is watch ''[[Mrs. Doubtfire]]''. Or ''[[Dead Poets Society]]'' or ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'' and I might be nice to people, mindful today how fragile we all are, how delicate we are, even when fizzing with divine madness that seems like it will never expire.
** [[Russell Brand]], in [http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/aug/12/russell-brand-robin-williams-divine-madness-broken-world "Russell Brand: Robin Williams’ divine madness will no longer disrupt the sadness of the world" in ''The Guardian'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''He was the patriarch of our little clan of comedians in San Francisco. All of us looked at him, in a way, as a father figure.''' … He was just very supportive. He was very shy, and possibly a little embarrassed by his fame. Inside, he really was a comic. Naturally, all comics just wanna hang around other comics, so he would come to these little clubs and open mics, and you’d get bumped, and he would go on and you’d have to follow him, which was always really terrifying because he’s so great, and people were so excited to just be in his presence. … I feel like he was a conduit — that everything he was feeding off of his brilliance was really something he was just channeling. But maybe what allowed him to be so humble and what endeared people to him was that humility, and that he would just turn on that brilliance for you. It was the ultimate form of being present, to channel it. I think that he was very spiritual in a lot of ways. I think it’s so unique you can’t emulate it. If you look at the way comedy is, and look at its history, you don’t find anybody like him at all, except for maybe [[w:Jonathan Winters|Jonathan Winters]] is the closest, and he also was a very dreamlike figure.
** [[Margaret Cho]] [http://time.com/3103608/robin-williams-dead-margaret-cho-remembrance/ "Margaret Cho Remembers Robin Williams: He Was a ‘Father Figure’" by Larry Getlen in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* I guarantee you that thousands, hearing of Robin’s death, asked how he could do it when he had everything: fame, wealth, adulation, family love. And another supposed insulator against the worst of the blues, plenty of work. No combination of those adds up to insurance. And the hectic, nerve-wracking ups and downs of fortune in show business are, of course, a major factor for emotional disequilibrium. … '''I know Robin knew this.''' His death recalled a moment with him years ago in a small club. '''He came off stage after bringing a cheering audience to its feet. “Isn’t it funny how I can bring great happiness to all these people,” he said. “But not to myself.” ''' The non-actor has a major advantage because it’s harder to hide the symptoms. The actor knows how to act.
** [[Dick Cavett]], in [http://time.com/3106170/robin-williams-dead-dick-cavett-suicide-depression/ "Dick Cavett: Robin Williams Won’t Be the Last Suicidal Star" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* Robin and I agreed once that it’s galling to hear — when you’re “in it” — the question: “What have you got to be depressed about?” The great British actor and comedian, [[Stephen Fry]], a fellow-sufferer, replies “And what have you got to have asthma about?” Robin, like his idol [[w:Jonathan Winters|Jonathan Winters]], must have had one of the world’s hardest talents with which to live and retain personal balance. Sitting next to him on my old PBS show was like sitting in the Macy’s barge next to the fireworks going off. He was at full, manic, comic frenzy for an hour without let-up. (We even improvised a short [[Shakespeare]] play together, with and without rhymed couplets.) '''I caught his manic energy. It was exhilarating. And exhausting.''' When it ended, I was wet and spent. It took him a while to come (partially) down, and I thought, “Can this be good for anyone? Can you be able to do all these rapid-fire personality changes and emerge knowing who you yourself are?… Some day, will some chemical link be found between great, great performing talent and susceptibility to that awful conqueror of the talented performer? Are the [[gods]] jealous? Do they cruelly envy the greatly gifted and, in the classic Greek manner, smite them low? The somewhat grim answer: '''We’d better enjoy them while we can.'''
** [[Dick Cavett]], in "Dick Cavett: Robin Williams Won’t Be the Last Suicidal Star" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''Playing one character at a time, for months on end, didn’t properly exploit Williams’ unique gift of being everyone at once.''' His true model and mentor was not an [[Laurence Olivier|Olivier]] or [[Marlon Brando|Brando]] but freeform comic [[w:Jonathan Winters|Jonathan Winters]], who also battled to call a truce with the manifold Genie geniuses in his head. … Why does a clown want to play [[Hamlet]]? Maybe because he thinks he is that melancholy soul whom others find amusingly odd. Williams dropped Mork’s na-nu na-nu and entered dramatic film with the lead in ''[[w:The World According to Garp|The World According to Garp]]''. … Williams infused weird wonder in voice roles for animated features — not only ''[[Aladdin (film)|Aladdin]]'' but ''[[Robots]]'' and ''[[Happy Feet]]''. He was a cartoon, with all the characters, in a man’s body. … '''He could play anyone, but not just one: not “just” Robin Williams. All those voices in the head of this comic Hamlet must have told him it was time to be quiet. The rest is silence.
** [[w:Richard Corliss|Richard Corliss]], in [http://time.com/3102058/robin-williams-dead-remembrance-richard-corliss/ "Robin Williams: The Comic Who Was Hamlet" in ''TIME'' obituary (11 August 2014)]

* On Monday night, as fans around the world began to grieve Robin Williams’s death, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences — best known, in many circles, as the people behind the Oscars — sent out what may be the iconic social media image of Williams’s death. …['''Genie, you're free.'''] … More than 270,000 people have shared the tweet, which means that, per the analytics site Topsy, as many as 69 million people have seen it. The problem? It violates well-established public health standards for how we talk about [[suicide]]. “If it doesn’t cross the line, it comes very, very close to it,” said Christine Moutier, chief medical officer at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. “Suicide should never be presented as an option. That’s a formula for potential contagion.”
** Caitlin Dewey, in [http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2014/08/12/suicide-contagion-and-social-media-the-dangers-of-sharing-genie-youre-free/ "Suicide contagion and social media: The dangers of sharing ‘Genie, you’re free’" in ''The Washington Post'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''What hurts most about the apparent [[suicide]] of Robin Williams is that as much as he achieved, he [[died]] in his own [[mind]] unfulfilled.''' And to an extent, he was unfulfilled — he never found a form that would capture the [[genius]] of his stand-up act or his early appearances on ''[[w:The Tonight Show|The Tonight Show]]'', when his mind worked faster than anyone alive and very possibly dead, when he seemed to be channeling a fleet of circling [[UFO]]s containing the galaxy’s best [[comedy]] [[writers]]. '''The man didn’t need to play a sitcom alien to seem as if he had his own extraterrestrial [[energy]] field.'''
**[[w:David Edelstein|David Edelstein]], in [http://www.vulture.com/2014/08/robin-williams-tribute-obituary.html "Robin Williams, 1951-2014: The Measure of the Man Was Vast" at ''Vulture'' (11 August 2014)]

* '''Williams gave tremendous performances in a handful of movies, but it was Williams bottled and, in most cases, domesticated.''' It didn’t have that free-form, unfettered genius. That said, his nattering sailor in Robert Altman’s messy ''[[Popeye]]'' was musically dazzling. Even more musical was his performance in [[w:Paul Mazursky|Paul Mazursky]]’s ''[[w:Moscow on the Hudson|Moscow on the Hudson]]'', in which the sadness of ''not'' being able to perform was right there in his eyes. … The combination of mania and melancholy tapped something beautiful in him. '''In ''[[The Fisher King]]'', Williams was also at the height of his powers. He knew how to play a man [[dangerously]] in touch with unseen [[forces]], a [[holy]] [[fool]]''', and for once he played opposite actors who were, each in their own way, [[worthy]] of him: [[w:Jeff Bridges|Jeff Bridges]], [[w:Mercedes Ruehl|Mercedes Ruehl]], and, most memorably, [[w:Amanda Plummer|Amanda Plummer]], who should have partnered with him again. We do need to talk about those “domesticated” parts, because they were the ones that won him a huge mainstream audience and, in the case of his avuncular, bearded psychiatrist in ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'', an Oscar. '''This was Williams the crinkle-eyed [[humanist]].''' … The saddest thing is that Williams never found a collaborator who could give him the combination of structure and freedom in which he could thrive … But you know what? You could put together a highlight reel of Williams’s work … and see that the measure of the man was vast. '''Even when his talent was cruelly constricted, his [[soul]] was limitless.'''
**[[w:David Edelstein|David Edelstein]], in "Robin Williams, 1951-2014: The Measure of the Man Was Vast" at ''Vulture'' (11 August 2014)

* '''To the generation of kids who grew up on his movies, Williams was a revelation, a teacher and a lifeline.''' It might seem ridiculous for a generation to claim a universally loved celebrity as their own, but if there was ever a Millennial hero, it was Robin Williams. '''The news that Williams had died, at the age of 63, hit the world like a shockwave yesterday.''' For many older Millennials, like me, who grew up in the ’80s and ’90s, the loss strikes as a particularly hard blow. … Williams’ Dr. Sean Maguire, a counselor who becomes a father-figure to the troubled title character in ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'', punctured even my teenage gloom. He wasn’t jokey, he wasn’t zany, he wasn’t any of the things I had come to associate with Robin Williams, but his warmth was wholly recognizable and I was in awe. And then there’s ''[[Dead Poets Society]]'', one of the ultimate teenage movies … The movie’s plot, which centers on a conservative boys school where a [[radical]] [[teacher]] [[works]] against the [[system]] to inspire his students, is hardly original and I knew that even back then. But the [[zeal]] and [[honesty]] that Williams’ poured into John Keating almost single-handedly elevated the movie from a cliché to an actual [[inspiration]]. Like any teenager, I was a bit disillusioned by school in general, but books and learning and truth were still things that could lure me and Williams’ Keating made a great case for them. To this day, I still can’t resist Williams’ line, “But [[poetry]], [[beauty]], [[romance]], [[love]], these are what we stay [[alive]] for.” '''Yet even with the years of cinematic evidence, I didn’t quite realize how much of an influence Williams had on my generation until today.''' … Everyone seemed to have their own personal memory about watching his films growing up. He was the teacher we always wanted, the baby-sitter we would have loved, the best friend who knew exactly how to make us laugh. It feels like I have always known that Robin Williams was an amazing actor, but I never understood just how amazing. Because looking back on it, I realize that '''his best roles didn’t define him — they helped define us.'''
** Megan Gibson, in [http://time.com/3103255/robin-williams-dead-millennial-hero/ "Why Robin Williams Was a Millennial Hero" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''I don't think I've met anyone as exceptional as Robin was … every moment … could be explosive ''any'' which-way, you didn’t know where it was going to go — you didn’t know even where it came from — he seemed to be able to channel the [[Cosmos]], and at the same time he was always totally involved with the people around him, he really had a close touch with everybody he touched.''' He was absolutely extraordinary. … He seemed to be able to be … a kind of receptor of all knowledge, whatever it was, whether it was in the news, something from an encyclopedia, or from a book, he seemed to ''know'' all of this stuff, and he could then reassemble it, in the most incredible combinations — which was always surprising, funny and … outrageous, really, and I don't know how he did it. … That was always the [[miracle]] of Robin, it was something I've never bean able to explain.
** [[Terry Gilliam]], in video interview, [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-28742837 "Terry Gilliam on the 'miracle of Robin Williams'" at ''BBC News'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''It's just this incredible talent was there that kept him really bright and bouncy… I'm sure on his own, and a lot of times on his own, that wasn't there.''' I think being around people … '''I don’t even think it was even performing at times … I think it was just some [[wondrous]] [[moment]], as this stuff poured out of him, he was exhilarated by it as much as we were, and I think that was so important to Robin.''' And at the same time, he was one of the sweetest people ever walking the planet. '''He really cared about people.''' That's what I found ''amazing'' to be able to see an incredibly huge and complex vision of the world, and yet always, all the individual around him, he was in touch with all the time.
** [[Terry Gilliam]], in "Terry Gilliam on the 'miracle of Robin Williams'" at ''BBC News'' (12 August 2014)

* '''When the gods ''gift you'' with the type of talent Robin had, there's a price to pay, there always is — it doesn’t come from [[nothing]], It comes from … probably deep problems inside, a concern, all sorts of fears, and yet he could always channel those things and turn them into something gold '''… I think that just comes with the territory, frankly.
** [[Terry Gilliam]], in "Terry Gilliam on the 'miracle of Robin Williams'" at ''BBC News'' (12 August 2014)

* '''Robin was a gifted actor and comedian, but he was also a true friend and supporter of our troops.''' From entertaining thousands of service men and women in war zones, to his philanthropy that helped veterans struggling with hidden wounds of war, he was a loyal and compassionate advocate for all who serve this nation in uniform. He will be dearly missed by the men and women of DoD - so many of whom were personally touched by his humor and generosity.
** [[Chuck Hagel]], in [http://www.defense.gov/releases/release.aspx?releaseid=16883 News Release No: NR-424-14 : Statement by Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel on the Passing of Robin Williams (11 August 2014)]

* So many times you meet people they don't impact you. You meet them and they're gracious and they're nice, and then '''there are sometimes when you meet somebody and they say one thing and for the rest of your life you carry that one thing and they don't even know that they impacted your life.''' So here's Robin Williams fully decked out in elephantiasis makeup, like he was the Elephant Man, and we were talking and I'm being super quiet, and he just kind of turns to me and he said, “What's your name?” And I said, “I'm Mila.” And he said, “Yeah? You're on ''[[That '70s Show|'70s]]''?” And then he said, “'''[[Remember]] this [[moment]]. Remember this because things like this don't happen very often. Remember this [[time]].”''' Having somebody of Robin Williams' stature tell me to just acknowledge something meant so much. He didn't ''mentor'' me. He just said, “'''Step back and appreciate this. You're having an amazing time.'''” I was so nervous. And he said, “'''Relax. And don't forget to enjoy yourself because things like this don't happen to everyone.'''” … All he did was say, "Enjoy yourself and don't forget this." Like: "'''Just take a breath and acknowledge that you have an amazing opportunity.'''” 
** [[w:Mila Kunis|Mila Kunis]], as quoted in [http://www.esquire.com/blogs/news/mila-kunis-robin-williams "Robin Williams' Advice to Mila Kunis: 'Remember This Moment'" in ''Esquire'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''Robin and I had a nice friendly relationship. I can’t claim I knew him well, but honestly, I don’t know how many people did.''' He seemed like the kind of guy who didn’t open up to a lot of people. … The thing about Robin that I loved the most — and again, with limited experience — is that when he did my show, he was so great at it, because he was able to achieve something that eludes a lot of comedians who have tried to do ''[[Real Time with Bill Maher|Real Time]]''. It’s not an easy show to do because you have to be very smart about politics. We don’t use a lot of show business people on the panel. I can name the show business people who can do it on a couple of hands — [[Ben Affleck]], [[George Clooney]], [[w:Alec Baldwin|Alec Baldwin]], [[Kerry Washington]] — people who are very politically aware and involved, and that is their passion.… But Robin did the panel, and he was able to both modulate his normal manic persona down to what was appropriate for the show he was doing, and also, completely still be Robin Williams. That is not an easy trajectory to find, and he did, and I always loved him for it. First of all, it means you’re humble — that you understand that you have to shape-shift a little to the show you’re doing. Some people don’t do that. Some people just refuse to do that. They wanna be exactly who they are, on whatever show they’re doing. I don’t agree with that. I think when you’re the guest, you have to bend a little. He did that. '''He was still Robin Williams, but he was exactly right for the show he was doing.'''
** [[Bill Maher]], in [http://time.com/3105100/robin-williams-dead-bill-maher/ "Bill Maher: ‘You Could Just Tell There Was a Humanity in Robin Williams’" by Larry Getlen, in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''His style, when it came on the scene, looked completely new to people, and in many ways it was. He was fast and furious, and I think there’s something else that’s behind there that you can’t really quantify or define, but you could just tell there was a [[humanity]] in Robin Williams.''' He seems like a genuinely nice guy, like a good person who cares and tries to give back to the community. Some people, you get the impression that they’re putting on an act all the time. I didn’t get that impression with Robin Williams. I didn’t know him well, but I always thought, there’s a very decent person there.
** [[Bill Maher]], in ‘You Could Just Tell There Was a Humanity in Robin Williams’" by Larry Getlen, in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)

* In the late 1980’s, film producer [[w:Joel Silver|Joel Silver]] set his sights on developing [[Alan Moore]] and [[w:Dave Gibbons|Dave Gibbons]]’ massively successful graphic novel ''[[Watchmen]]'' into a feature film with director [[Terry Gilliam]]. '''Rumors swirled at the time''', and the 2005 ''Entertainment Weekly'' oral history of the project confirmed that [[Arnold Schwarzenegger]] was in line for Dr. Manhattan, [[w:Richard Gere|Richard Gere]] showed interest, and '''Robin Williams, fresh off his role as a delusional but sprightly vagabond in Gilliam’s ''[[The Fisher King]]'', could be tapped as Rorschach.''' During the hellish development, which would bounce between studios and producers for decades until [[w:Zach Snyder|Zach Snyder]]’s film hit theaters five years ago, casting attention switched from Williams to [[w:Brad Dourif|Brad Dourif]], allegedly due to wariness over fan perception that Williams was unsuitable for the part. Going in a direction away from a captivating comedic performer with overtones of chained darkness looked foolish when [[w:Michael Keaton|Michael Keaton]] proved an excellent Batman as that comic franchise dominated the box office. And that criticism seems even more baseless decades later, after ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'', ''[[Insomnia (2002 film)|Insomnia]]'', ''[[One Hour Photo]]'', and many other films that proved Williams’ heft. '''Rorschach, a deeply haunted man with an ever-changing mask that doesn’t hide an unmistakable [[voice]], [[now]] seems like it would have been a [[perfect]] fit.''' There’s little point in rueing a missed opportunity from 25 years ago. But in the aftermath of Williams’ death at his Bay Area home yesterday, '''many people were quick to point to a moment in ''Watchmen'' when Rorschach sneeringly recites a grim joke about a depressed man who seeks help from a doctor, which now rings frighteningly true:'''
:: ''I heard a joke once. Man goes to doctor, says he's depressed. Life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. '''Doctor says "Treatment is simple. The [[great]] [[clown]], [[w:Pagliacci|Pagliacci]], is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up". Man bursts into tears. "But doctor", he says, "I am Pagliacci." '''Good [[joke]]. Everybody [[laugh]]. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.''
:* Kevin McFarland, in [http://boingboing.net/2014/08/12/remembering-robin-williams-ci.html "Remembering Robin Williams, cinema's Rorschach test" at ''BOING BOING'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''Though a terrifically engaging screen presence at his most gregarious and joke-focused, he had to chops to be just as mesmerizing when muted, which would only draw out tension for the moment when he could turn on the jets and shift to full bombast.''' I’m not sure I can think of another actor with Williams’ combined dominant traits: instantly recognizable for his warmth and energy, fiercely multitalented, flying between understated and exuberant emotional extremes in comedy and drama, and yet maligned whenever the unpredictable balance he struck in a given performance didn’t match the critical ideal. In that way his Academy Award for ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'' in 1997 is both the peak of his control and the most patronizing harness of his career. Here is your reward for taking the raging combustion, powerful as a radiant star, and tamping it down to understated levels while remaining perforated, so that emotional peaks still have a chance to flare out. It was an unhelpful and unjust expectation on an actor who did nothing but give of himself to his performance. …''' it’s too limiting right now to call Robin Williams simply a comedian, despite the tremendous outpouring from the comedy community that continues today. He was an actor, one of the most gifted and adventurous performers of his generation''', and it’s a [[shame]] that it took something like his tragic death to take stock of the possibility that the outsized expectations of an audience could have prevented more people from simply enjoying the effort Williams made in so many films, no matter the critical adjudication.
:* Kevin McFarland, in "Remembering Robin Williams, cinema's Rorschach test" at ''BOING BOING'' (12 August 2014)

* Robin Williams was an airman, a doctor, a genie, a nanny, a president, a professor, a bangarang [[Peter Pan]], and everything in between. But he was one of a kind. '''He arrived in our lives as an alien – but he ended up touching every element of the human spirit. He made us laugh. He made us cry. He gave his immeasurable talent freely and generously to those who needed it most''' – from our troops stationed abroad to the marginalized on our own streets. The Obama family offers our condolences to Robin’s family, his friends, and everyone who found their voice and their verse thanks to Robin Williams.
** [[Barack Obama]], in [http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2014/08/11/statement-president-passing-robin-williams "Statement by the President on the Passing of Robin Williams" (11 August 2014)]

* '''My friendship with Robin Williams is one of the real joys of my life''' … Robin is a person who gives to people 24 hours a day. The gift of joy, the gift of laughter. Just to be in a room with Robin Williams is a privilege. He’s a gift to the world.
** [[Christopher Reeve]], as quoted in [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/08/12/robin-williams-and-christopher-reeve-s-epic-friendship-and-the-greatest-williams-story-ever-told.html "Robin Williams and Christopher Reeve's Epic Friendship and the Greatest Williams Story Ever Told" in ''The Daily Beast'' (12 August 2014)]

* In the wake of Williams' death at his home here Monday, fans around the world have struggled to understand what could have led a man whose thousand-megawatt comic persona had brought so much joy to millions to such depths of despair. But '''Williams' closest friends and colleagues knew well that the beneath his manic, Technicolor exterior, the actor had battled depression for years.''' In recent months — as Williams wrestled with the cancellation of his CBS TV series ''[[The Crazy Ones]]'' and fought to maintain a sobriety that had at times proved fragile — those friends could see that he was losing that fight. …  In early July, Williams checked himself into the Hazelden addiction treatment center in Center City, Minn. He had not fallen off the wagon, his publicist said at the time, but was instead struggling to hold himself together as he crumbled under the weight of depression. 
** Josh Rottenberg, Amy Kaufman and Lee Romney, in [http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/movies/la-et-mn-robin-williams-last-days-20140813-story.html#page=1 "Robin Williams' friends saw signs he was succumbing to depression" in ''The Los Angeles Times'' (13 August 2014)]

* '''This morning, I lost my husband and my best [[friend]], while the world lost one of its most beloved artists and beautiful human beings.''' I am utterly heartbroken. On behalf of Robin's family, we are asking for privacy during our time of profound grief. As he is remembered, it is our hope the focus will not be on Robin's death, but on the countless moments of joy and laughter he gave to millions.
** Susan Schneider, his widow, as quoted in [http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/robin-williams-family-movingly-remembers-725138 Robin Williams' Family Movingly Remembers "A Gentle Soul" Who "Loved to Laugh"] by Gregg Kilday, in ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (12 August 2014)

* Robin Williams was beloved by the U.S. military, perhaps even more so than by the American public. '''He carried [[Bob Hope]]’s mantle as a funny man far from home, often in inhospitable places.''' Throughout his career, Williams made six [[w:USO|USO]] tours to [[Iraq]], [[Afghanistan]], and 11 other countries and performed for 90,000 troops by the time of his final tour in 2010.
** Mark Thompson, in [http://time.com/3103930/robin-williams-military-uso/ "The Military Absolutely Loved Robin Williams" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''The death of Robin Williams this week was a shock, the kind of event that makes people stop, even in the crush of other terrible news from all corners of the globe, and feel a stinging sense of loss for someone they never met.''' That there was the ritual rush of response on Twitter, Facebook, and in online comments, was to be expected. Though Williams had had issues with substance abuse, and made trips to rehab, this wasn't someone who seemed in danger of going over the edge. The idea that a performer who was synonymous with rapid-fire wit and boundless energy would take his own life was at first hard to believe, and then deeply sad. But even as Williams is mourned, the scope of reactions illustrates how wide-ranging his appeal was. … '''this performer known for his anarchic merriment was sometimes at his best when he was most subtle. And Williams' best was something special, and rare, and worth remembering.'''
** Kristi Turnquist, in [http://www.oregonlive.com/movies/index.ssf/2014/08/robin_williams_the_timeless_ap.html "Robin Williams: The timeless appeal of his best movies -- and a memorable TV appearance on 'Louie'" in ''The Oregonian'' (13 August 2014)]

* '''Yesterday, I lost my father and a best friend and the world got a little grayer.''' I will carry his heart with me every day. I would ask those that loved him to remember him by being as gentle, kind, and generous as he would be. '''Seek to bring [[joy]] to the world as he sought.'''
** Zachary Williams, as quoted in [http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/robin-williams-family-movingly-remembers-725138 Robin Williams' Family Movingly Remembers "A Gentle Soul" Who "Loved to Laugh"] by Gregg Kilday, in ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (12 August 2014)

* '''He was always warm, even in his darkest moments.''' While I’ll never, ever understand how he could be loved so deeply and not find it in his heart to stay, there’s minor comfort in knowing our grief and loss, in some small way, is shared with millions. It doesn’t help the pain, but at least it’s a burden countless others now know we carry, and so many have offered to help lighten the load. Thank you for that. To those he touched who are sending kind words, know that one of his favorite things in the world was to make you all laugh. As for those who are sending negativity, know that some small, giggling part of him is sending a flock of pigeons to your house to poop on your car. Right after you’ve had it washed. After all, he loved to laugh too… '''Dad was, is and always will be one of the kindest, most generous, gentlest souls I’ve ever known, and while there are few things I know for certain right now, one of them is that not just my world, but the entire world is forever a little darker, less colorful and less full of laughter in his absence. We’ll just have to work twice as hard to fill it back up again.
** [[w:Zelda Williams|Zelda Williams]], as quoted in [http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/robin-williams-family-movingly-remembers-725138 Robin Williams' Family Movingly Remembers "A Gentle Soul" Who "Loved to Laugh"] by Gregg Kilday, in ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (12 August 2014)

* When he auditioned for the role of Mork from Ork on ''[[Happy Days]]'' (1974), producer [[w:Garry Marshall|Garry Marshall]] told him to sit down. '''Williams immediately sat on his head on the chair.''' Marshall hired him, saying that he was the only alien who auditioned. During the making of ''[[Mork & Mindy]]'' (1978), '''Williams departed from the scripts and ad libbed so many times and so well, that the producers stopped trying to make him stick to the script and deliberately left gaps in the later scripts leaving only, "Mork can go off here" in those places so Robin could improvise.''' … Asked by [[w:James Lipton|James Lipton]] about what he would like [[God]] to say when he arrives in [[heaven]], Williams answered that "There is a seat in the front" in the concert of [[Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart]] and [[Elvis Presley]].
** [http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/latest-news/odd-facts-about-robin-williams/story-fn3dxix6-1227021946139?nk=a7a4029d84365fedfec8d502e2787d1a "Odd facts about Robin Williams" in ''The Australian'' (12 August 2014)]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

* {{official website|http://www.robinwilliams.com}}
* {{IMDb name|245}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Williams, Robin}}
[[Category:2014 deaths]]
[[Category:Stand-up comedians]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:American stand-up comedians]]
[[Category:American actors]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:People from Illinois]]
[[Category:Anglicans]]

Shrek the Third

2016-11-29T00:10:31Z

StjJackson: /* Donkey */

{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Shrek the Third|Shrek the Third]]''''' (called '''''Shrek 3''''' in early production and not to be confused with ''Shrek 3-D'') is the second sequel to ''[[Shrek]]'' (2001). It was released on [[May 18]], [[2007]].

== Shrek ==
* If Artie trusts him, that's good enough for me. Even ''if'' his robe doesn't quite cover his-

* ''[out of nowhere looking at Prince Charming]'' Break a leg, or on second thought let me break it for you.

== Donkey ==
*''[singing to Shrek and Fiona]'' Good morning... good morning... to you and you and you.

*''[After pulling the covers off and seeing Shrek naked]'' Aaaahh!! You know, you really need to get yourself a pair of jammies!

*''[after seeing the villains, with Captain Hook on a piano]'' Look out! They got a piano!

*''[at the end of Shrek's dream sequence, with an ogre baby head]'' Dada.

*''[He and Puss have just switched bodies]'' How in the [[w:Hans Christen Andersen|Hans Christen Andersen]] am I supposed to parade around in these goofy boots?!

== Puss in Boots ==

== Arthur "Artie" Pendragon ==

== Puss in Boots ==

== Arthur "Artie" Pendragon ==

== Dialogue ==
:'''Doris''': You poor sweet things.
:'''Cinderella''': I don't get it.
:'''Snow White''': The cat turned into a little horse that smells like feet... What's to get?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Doris''': I know he's a jerk and all but I gotta admit that Charming makes me hotter than July.
:'''Princesses''': EW!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Snow White''': I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me!
:'''Sleeping Beauty''': ''[while being carried by Doris]'' Everything's always about you, isn't it? It's not like your attitude is helping, Snow.
:'''Snow White''': Well, maybe it just bothers you that I was voted fairest in the land!
:'''Rapunzel''': You mean in that ''rigged'' election?
:'''Snow White''': Oh, give me a break. ''[dreamy voice]'' "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, ''[sarcastic voice]'' let down thy golden extensions."
:'''Queen Lillian''': Ladies, let go of your petty complaints and let's work together.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Rapunzel has betrayed the princesses in order to be with Prince Charming]''
:'''Charming:''' Say hello to the new queen of Far Far Away!
:'''Cinderella:''' Yay! ''[claps]'' (What, too soon?)
:''[Awkward pause]''
:'''Fiona''': Rapunzel, how could you?
:'''Rapunzel''': Jealous much?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Arthur''': This is lame.
:'''Merlin''': ''[whacks him]'' ''You're'' lame.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Snow White''': Right! Ladies, assume the position!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Donkey''': ''[Referring to his Dronkeys]'' They grow up so fast.
:'''Shrek''': ''[Annoyed by their intrusion]'' Not fast enough.

<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Sleeping Beauty falls asleep, Snow White lies down in her coffin pose, and Cinderella seats herself on the floor gazing dreamily into space.]''
:'''Princess Fiona''': What are you doing?
:'''Sleeping Beauty''': ''[snaps awake]'' Waiting to be rescued. ''[falls back asleep]''

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Shrek''': ''[looking at Artie talking with princesses]'' See, what'd I tell ya? The kid's gonna make a great king.
:'''Fiona''': For what it's worth, you would have too.
:'''Shrek''': ''[rubs Fiona's stomach]'' I have something much more important in mind.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Captain Hook''': ''[looming over a young boy threateningly with his hook]'' Well, well, well. If it isn't Peter Pan!
:'''Boy's Mother''': His name's not Peter!
:'''Captain Hook''': Shut it, Wendy!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Donkey''': Wor-ces-ter-shiree? Now, that sounds fancy!
:'''Shrek''' : It's "Worcestershire".
:'''Donkey''': Like the sauce? Mmmmm. IT'S SPICY!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Artie''': ''[To Shrek]'' Please don't eat me. ''[Students and Teacher chanting "Eat him"]''
:'''Shrek''': I'm not here to eat him!
:'''Students and Teacher''': Aww...
:'''Shrek''': It's time to pack up your toothbrush and jammies. You're the new king of Far Far Away.
:'''Artie''': What?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gingy''': I hate dinner theatre!
:'''Pinocchio''': Me too. ''[nose grows]''

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Rapunzel''': But, Pooky, you said you wouldn't hurt them.
:'''Prince Charming''': Not here, kitten whiskers. Daddy will discuss it later.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Prince Charming''': You! You can't lie. So tell me, puppet. Where... is... Shrek?
:'''Pinocchio''': Uh. Hmm, well, uh... I don't know where he's not.
:'''Charming''': You're telling me you don't know where Shrek is?
:'''Pinocchio''': It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say that it is or isn't almost partially incorrect.
:'''Charming''': So you ''do'' know where he is!
:'''Pinocchio''': On the contrary, I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way with any amount of uncertainty that I undeniably...
:'''Charming''': Stop it!
:'''Pinocchio''': ...Do or do not know where he shouldn't probably be, if that indeed wasn't where he isn't. Even if he wasn't at where I knew he was, that'd mean I'd really have to know where he wasn't...

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Artie''': ''[after guards try to kill them, Artie comes up with a plan]'' Don't you know who he thinks he is? How dare you!
:'''Shrek''': ''[playing along, acting like a spoiled celebrity]'' Donkey, we're dealing with amateurs.
:'''Artie''': He's a star, people! Hello? I'm so sorry about this, Mr. Shrek.
:'''Shrek''': I'm gonna lose it! ''[before continuing trying to keep his cool]''
:'''Artie''': I assume you have everything ready for tonight? You did get the list for the dressing room?
:'''Donkey ''(in Puss' body):''' [playing along]'' Yeah, the breakfast croissants stuffed with seared sashimi tuna. ''[aggravated]'' Oh, and please tell me you at least got the saffron corn with jalapeño homey butter, 'cause our client cannot get into his properly emotional state without his jalapeño honey butter!
:'''Shrek''': I just lost it. ''[Puss turns eyes at Shrek even more aggravated]''
:'''Guard''': Perhaps we should talk to Nancy in Human Resources.
:'''Puss ''(in Donkey's body)'':''' Oh, we will have much to say to Nancy, I promise!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Shrek''': ''[confronts Prince Charming in the dressing room]'' Break a leg. On second thought, let me break it for you.
:'''Charming''': Thank goodness. I was afraid you wouldn't get back in time. ''[presses the button as Shrek grabs him]''
:'''Shrek''': Where's Fiona?
:'''Charming''': Don't worry. She and the others are safe... for now. ''[grins evilly]''
:''[The guards burst in and holds Artie hostage. Shrek puts him down]''
:'''Charming''': ''[walking up to Artie]'' Let me guess. Arthur.
:'''Artie''': ''[facing him]'' It's Artie, actually.
:'''Charming''': This boy is supposed to be the new King of Far Far Away? ''[laughs and held the dagger to Artie's throat]'' How pathetic. Stand still so I won't make a mess.
:'''Shrek''': Charming, stop! I'm here now. You got what you wanted. This isn't about him.
:'''Artie''': Then who's this about? I'm supposed to be king, right?
:'''Shrek''': You weren't really next in line for the throne. I was.
:'''Artie''': But you said the king asked for me personally.
:'''Shrek''': Not exactly.
:'''Artie''': What does that mean?
:'''Shrek''': I said whatever I had to say, alright? I wasn't right for the job. I just needed some fool to replace me. And you fit the bill. So, just go!
:'''Artie''': ''[hurt and angry]'' You were playing me the whole time.
:'''Shrek''': You catch on real fast, kid. Maybe you're not as big of a loser as I thought. ''[Donkey (in Puss' body) tries to reason with Artie, but Puss (in Donkey's body) stopped him]''
:'''Artie''': You know, for a minute... I actually thought...
:'''Charming''': What, that ''HE'' cared about you? He's an ogre. What did you expect? ''[Artie breaks free from the guards and looks at Shrek before storming out the dressing room in anger. Shrek feels guilty] [smirks]'' You really do have a way with children, Shrek. ''[The guards forced Shrek out of the room]''

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Donkey ''(in Puss' body)'':''' Alright people, Let's do this thing. Go, Team Dynamite!
:'''Pinocchio''': But I thought we agreed we'd go by the name Team Super-cool.
:'''Gingy''': As I recall, it was Team Awesome!
:'''Wolf''': I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron.
:'''Donkey ''(in Puss' body)'':''' Alright, alright, alright! From henceforth, we shall be known as 'Team Alpha-Super-Awesome-Cool-Dynamite-Wolf-Squadron'. (Team A.S.A.C.D.W.S.)

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Puss''': ''[talking to a female cat]'' It's out of my hands, señorita. The winds of fate have blown on my destiny, but I will never forget you. You are the love of my life.
:'''Female cat''': Meeaow.
:'''Puss''': ''[very quickly]'' I gotta go!

==Cast==
* [[w:Mike Myers (actor)|Mike Myers]] as Shrek
** [[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]] (ADR work)
* [[Eddie Murphy]] as Donkey
** [[w:Mark Moseley|Mark Moseley]] as Donkey (ADR work)
* [[w:Antonio Banderas|Antonio Banderas]] as Puss in Boots
* [[Cameron Diaz]] as Princess Fiona
** [[w:Samantha Bond|Samantha Bond]] (ADR work)
* [[Justin Timberlake]] as Arthur "Artie" Pendragon
** [[w:Simon Callow|Simon Callow]] (ADR work)
* [[Rupert Everett]] as Prince Charming
* [[Eric Idle]] as Merlin
* [[Julie Andrews]] as Queen Lillian
* [[John Cleese]] as King Harold

===Other characters===
* [[w:Conrad Vernon|Conrad Vernon]] as Gingy, Rumpelstiltskin, Headless Horseman
* [[w:Cody Cameron|Cody Cameron]] as Pinocchio, the Three Little Pigs, Ogre Triplets and Bohort
* [[w:Jonathan Ross|Jonathan Ross]] (UK) / [[w:Larry King|Larry King]] (US) as Doris the Ugly Stepsister
* [[w:Christopher Knights|Christopher Knights]] as The Three Blind Mice
* [[Amy Poehler]] as Snow White
** [[w:Megan Hilty|Megan Hilty]] (Singing Voice)
* [[w:Maya Rudolph|Maya Rudolph]] as Rapunzel
* [[w:Amy Sedaris|Amy Sedaris]] as Cinderella
* [[w:Aron Warner|Aron Warner]] as Big Bad Wolf
* [[w:Cheri Oteri|Cheri Oteri]] as Sleeping Beauty and Actress
* [[w:Ian McShane|Ian McShane]] as Captain Hook
* [[w:Susan Blakeslee|Susan Blakeslee]] as Wicked Queen
* [[w:Regis Philbin|Regis Philbin]] as Mabel the Ugly Stepsister
* [[w:Mark Valley|Mark Valley]] as Cyclops
* [[w:Chris Miller|Chris Miller]] as Puppet Master
* [[w:Seth Rogen|Seth Rogen]] as Ship Captain
* [[w:Tom Kane|Tom Kane]] as Guard #1
* [[w:Kari Wahlgren|Kari Wahlgren]] as Old Lady
* [[w:John Lithgow|John Lithgow]] as Lord Farquaad (seen in Gingy's flashback)
* [[w:John Krasinski|John Krasinski]] as Lancelot
* [[w:Gwen|Gwen]] as Princess Gwenivere

== See also ==
* ''[[Shrek]]''
* ''[[Shrek 2]]''
* ''[[Shrek Forever After]]''
* [[Puss in Boots (2011 film)|''Puss in Boots'' (2011 film)]]

== Taglines ==
*And They Lived Happily Never After.
*He's In For The Royal Treatment.
*The Wait Is Ogre.
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0413267|title=Shrek the Third}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes| id=shrek_the_third| title=Shrek the Third}}

[[Category:2007 films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Computer-animated films]]
[[Category:Family films]]
[[Category:Children's films]]
[[Category:Shrek|Shrek 3]]

Shrek the Third

2016-11-29T00:09:48Z

StjJackson: /* Donkey */

{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Shrek the Third|Shrek the Third]]''''' (called '''''Shrek 3''''' in early production and not to be confused with ''Shrek 3-D'') is the second sequel to ''[[Shrek]]'' (2001). It was released on [[May 18]], [[2007]].

== Shrek ==
* If Artie trusts him, that's good enough for me. Even ''if'' his robe doesn't quite cover his-

* ''[out of nowhere looking at Prince Charming]'' Break a leg, or on second thought let me break it for you.

== Donkey ==
*''[singing to Shrek and Fiona]'' Good morning... good morning... to you and you and you.

*''[After pulling the covers off and seeing Shrek naked]'' Aaaahh!! You know, you really need to get yourself a pair of jammies!

*''[after seeing the villains, with Captain Hook on a piano]'' Look out! They got a piano!

*''(discovering Shrek nude in bed)'' AAAAH!! You know, you really need to get yourself a pair of jammies!

*''[at the end of Shrek's dream sequence, with an ogre baby head]'' Dada.

*''[He and Puss have just switched bodies]'' How in the [[w:Hans Christen Andersen|Hans Christen Andersen]] am I supposed to parade around in these goofy boots?!

== Puss in Boots ==

== Arthur "Artie" Pendragon ==

== Puss in Boots ==

== Arthur "Artie" Pendragon ==

== Dialogue ==
:'''Doris''': You poor sweet things.
:'''Cinderella''': I don't get it.
:'''Snow White''': The cat turned into a little horse that smells like feet... What's to get?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Doris''': I know he's a jerk and all but I gotta admit that Charming makes me hotter than July.
:'''Princesses''': EW!

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:'''Snow White''': I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me!
:'''Sleeping Beauty''': ''[while being carried by Doris]'' Everything's always about you, isn't it? It's not like your attitude is helping, Snow.
:'''Snow White''': Well, maybe it just bothers you that I was voted fairest in the land!
:'''Rapunzel''': You mean in that ''rigged'' election?
:'''Snow White''': Oh, give me a break. ''[dreamy voice]'' "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, ''[sarcastic voice]'' let down thy golden extensions."
:'''Queen Lillian''': Ladies, let go of your petty complaints and let's work together.

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:''[Rapunzel has betrayed the princesses in order to be with Prince Charming]''
:'''Charming:''' Say hello to the new queen of Far Far Away!
:'''Cinderella:''' Yay! ''[claps]'' (What, too soon?)
:''[Awkward pause]''
:'''Fiona''': Rapunzel, how could you?
:'''Rapunzel''': Jealous much?

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:'''Arthur''': This is lame.
:'''Merlin''': ''[whacks him]'' ''You're'' lame.

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:'''Snow White''': Right! Ladies, assume the position!

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:'''Donkey''': ''[Referring to his Dronkeys]'' They grow up so fast.
:'''Shrek''': ''[Annoyed by their intrusion]'' Not fast enough.

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:''[Sleeping Beauty falls asleep, Snow White lies down in her coffin pose, and Cinderella seats herself on the floor gazing dreamily into space.]''
:'''Princess Fiona''': What are you doing?
:'''Sleeping Beauty''': ''[snaps awake]'' Waiting to be rescued. ''[falls back asleep]''

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:'''Shrek''': ''[looking at Artie talking with princesses]'' See, what'd I tell ya? The kid's gonna make a great king.
:'''Fiona''': For what it's worth, you would have too.
:'''Shrek''': ''[rubs Fiona's stomach]'' I have something much more important in mind.

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:'''Captain Hook''': ''[looming over a young boy threateningly with his hook]'' Well, well, well. If it isn't Peter Pan!
:'''Boy's Mother''': His name's not Peter!
:'''Captain Hook''': Shut it, Wendy!

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:'''Donkey''': Wor-ces-ter-shiree? Now, that sounds fancy!
:'''Shrek''' : It's "Worcestershire".
:'''Donkey''': Like the sauce? Mmmmm. IT'S SPICY!

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:'''Artie''': ''[To Shrek]'' Please don't eat me. ''[Students and Teacher chanting "Eat him"]''
:'''Shrek''': I'm not here to eat him!
:'''Students and Teacher''': Aww...
:'''Shrek''': It's time to pack up your toothbrush and jammies. You're the new king of Far Far Away.
:'''Artie''': What?

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:'''Gingy''': I hate dinner theatre!
:'''Pinocchio''': Me too. ''[nose grows]''

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:'''Rapunzel''': But, Pooky, you said you wouldn't hurt them.
:'''Prince Charming''': Not here, kitten whiskers. Daddy will discuss it later.

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:'''Prince Charming''': You! You can't lie. So tell me, puppet. Where... is... Shrek?
:'''Pinocchio''': Uh. Hmm, well, uh... I don't know where he's not.
:'''Charming''': You're telling me you don't know where Shrek is?
:'''Pinocchio''': It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say that it is or isn't almost partially incorrect.
:'''Charming''': So you ''do'' know where he is!
:'''Pinocchio''': On the contrary, I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way with any amount of uncertainty that I undeniably...
:'''Charming''': Stop it!
:'''Pinocchio''': ...Do or do not know where he shouldn't probably be, if that indeed wasn't where he isn't. Even if he wasn't at where I knew he was, that'd mean I'd really have to know where he wasn't...

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:'''Artie''': ''[after guards try to kill them, Artie comes up with a plan]'' Don't you know who he thinks he is? How dare you!
:'''Shrek''': ''[playing along, acting like a spoiled celebrity]'' Donkey, we're dealing with amateurs.
:'''Artie''': He's a star, people! Hello? I'm so sorry about this, Mr. Shrek.
:'''Shrek''': I'm gonna lose it! ''[before continuing trying to keep his cool]''
:'''Artie''': I assume you have everything ready for tonight? You did get the list for the dressing room?
:'''Donkey ''(in Puss' body):''' [playing along]'' Yeah, the breakfast croissants stuffed with seared sashimi tuna. ''[aggravated]'' Oh, and please tell me you at least got the saffron corn with jalapeño homey butter, 'cause our client cannot get into his properly emotional state without his jalapeño honey butter!
:'''Shrek''': I just lost it. ''[Puss turns eyes at Shrek even more aggravated]''
:'''Guard''': Perhaps we should talk to Nancy in Human Resources.
:'''Puss ''(in Donkey's body)'':''' Oh, we will have much to say to Nancy, I promise!

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:'''Shrek''': ''[confronts Prince Charming in the dressing room]'' Break a leg. On second thought, let me break it for you.
:'''Charming''': Thank goodness. I was afraid you wouldn't get back in time. ''[presses the button as Shrek grabs him]''
:'''Shrek''': Where's Fiona?
:'''Charming''': Don't worry. She and the others are safe... for now. ''[grins evilly]''
:''[The guards burst in and holds Artie hostage. Shrek puts him down]''
:'''Charming''': ''[walking up to Artie]'' Let me guess. Arthur.
:'''Artie''': ''[facing him]'' It's Artie, actually.
:'''Charming''': This boy is supposed to be the new King of Far Far Away? ''[laughs and held the dagger to Artie's throat]'' How pathetic. Stand still so I won't make a mess.
:'''Shrek''': Charming, stop! I'm here now. You got what you wanted. This isn't about him.
:'''Artie''': Then who's this about? I'm supposed to be king, right?
:'''Shrek''': You weren't really next in line for the throne. I was.
:'''Artie''': But you said the king asked for me personally.
:'''Shrek''': Not exactly.
:'''Artie''': What does that mean?
:'''Shrek''': I said whatever I had to say, alright? I wasn't right for the job. I just needed some fool to replace me. And you fit the bill. So, just go!
:'''Artie''': ''[hurt and angry]'' You were playing me the whole time.
:'''Shrek''': You catch on real fast, kid. Maybe you're not as big of a loser as I thought. ''[Donkey (in Puss' body) tries to reason with Artie, but Puss (in Donkey's body) stopped him]''
:'''Artie''': You know, for a minute... I actually thought...
:'''Charming''': What, that ''HE'' cared about you? He's an ogre. What did you expect? ''[Artie breaks free from the guards and looks at Shrek before storming out the dressing room in anger. Shrek feels guilty] [smirks]'' You really do have a way with children, Shrek. ''[The guards forced Shrek out of the room]''

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:'''Donkey ''(in Puss' body)'':''' Alright people, Let's do this thing. Go, Team Dynamite!
:'''Pinocchio''': But I thought we agreed we'd go by the name Team Super-cool.
:'''Gingy''': As I recall, it was Team Awesome!
:'''Wolf''': I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron.
:'''Donkey ''(in Puss' body)'':''' Alright, alright, alright! From henceforth, we shall be known as 'Team Alpha-Super-Awesome-Cool-Dynamite-Wolf-Squadron'. (Team A.S.A.C.D.W.S.)

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:'''Puss''': ''[talking to a female cat]'' It's out of my hands, señorita. The winds of fate have blown on my destiny, but I will never forget you. You are the love of my life.
:'''Female cat''': Meeaow.
:'''Puss''': ''[very quickly]'' I gotta go!

==Cast==
* [[w:Mike Myers (actor)|Mike Myers]] as Shrek
** [[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]] (ADR work)
* [[Eddie Murphy]] as Donkey
** [[w:Mark Moseley|Mark Moseley]] as Donkey (ADR work)
* [[w:Antonio Banderas|Antonio Banderas]] as Puss in Boots
* [[Cameron Diaz]] as Princess Fiona
** [[w:Samantha Bond|Samantha Bond]] (ADR work)
* [[Justin Timberlake]] as Arthur "Artie" Pendragon
** [[w:Simon Callow|Simon Callow]] (ADR work)
* [[Rupert Everett]] as Prince Charming
* [[Eric Idle]] as Merlin
* [[Julie Andrews]] as Queen Lillian
* [[John Cleese]] as King Harold

===Other characters===
* [[w:Conrad Vernon|Conrad Vernon]] as Gingy, Rumpelstiltskin, Headless Horseman
* [[w:Cody Cameron|Cody Cameron]] as Pinocchio, the Three Little Pigs, Ogre Triplets and Bohort
* [[w:Jonathan Ross|Jonathan Ross]] (UK) / [[w:Larry King|Larry King]] (US) as Doris the Ugly Stepsister
* [[w:Christopher Knights|Christopher Knights]] as The Three Blind Mice
* [[Amy Poehler]] as Snow White
** [[w:Megan Hilty|Megan Hilty]] (Singing Voice)
* [[w:Maya Rudolph|Maya Rudolph]] as Rapunzel
* [[w:Amy Sedaris|Amy Sedaris]] as Cinderella
* [[w:Aron Warner|Aron Warner]] as Big Bad Wolf
* [[w:Cheri Oteri|Cheri Oteri]] as Sleeping Beauty and Actress
* [[w:Ian McShane|Ian McShane]] as Captain Hook
* [[w:Susan Blakeslee|Susan Blakeslee]] as Wicked Queen
* [[w:Regis Philbin|Regis Philbin]] as Mabel the Ugly Stepsister
* [[w:Mark Valley|Mark Valley]] as Cyclops
* [[w:Chris Miller|Chris Miller]] as Puppet Master
* [[w:Seth Rogen|Seth Rogen]] as Ship Captain
* [[w:Tom Kane|Tom Kane]] as Guard #1
* [[w:Kari Wahlgren|Kari Wahlgren]] as Old Lady
* [[w:John Lithgow|John Lithgow]] as Lord Farquaad (seen in Gingy's flashback)
* [[w:John Krasinski|John Krasinski]] as Lancelot
* [[w:Gwen|Gwen]] as Princess Gwenivere

== See also ==
* ''[[Shrek]]''
* ''[[Shrek 2]]''
* ''[[Shrek Forever After]]''
* [[Puss in Boots (2011 film)|''Puss in Boots'' (2011 film)]]

== Taglines ==
*And They Lived Happily Never After.
*He's In For The Royal Treatment.
*The Wait Is Ogre.
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0413267|title=Shrek the Third}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes| id=shrek_the_third| title=Shrek the Third}}

[[Category:2007 films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Computer-animated films]]
[[Category:Family films]]
[[Category:Children's films]]
[[Category:Shrek|Shrek 3]]

John Adams (miniseries)

2016-11-08T00:49:27Z

StjJackson: /* Independence [2] */

{{italic title}}
[[File:Adamstrumbull.jpg|thumb|I have no attachment to any country but my own. ~ John Adams]]
[[File:US flag 13 stars.svg|thumb|Liberty will reign in America! ~ John Adams]]
[[File:George_III_(by_Allan_Ramsay).jpg|thumb|God damn the King! ~ Samuel Adams]]
'''''[[w:John Adams (miniseries)|John Adams]]''''' is a [[w:2008 in film|2008 HBO miniseries]] on the life of [[John Adams]] and the first 50 years of the United States.
:''Directed by [[w:Tom Hooper|Tom Hooper]]. Written by [[w:Kirk Ellis|Kirk Ellis]], based on the book by [[w:David McCullough|David McCullough]].''
<center>'''Join or Die.'''</center>
{{tv-stub}}
== ''Join or Die'' [1] ==
:'''Abigail Adams''': You do not need to quote great men to show you are one.

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:'''John Adams''': Liberty will reign in America!

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:'''John Adams''': [''on clubs used for beating out rope''] Could they not also be used for beating out men's brains?!

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:'''John Adams''': Facts are very stubborn things.

== ''Independence'' [2] ==

:'''Edward Rutledge''': South Carolina, on behalf of its sister colonies ...
:'''John Adams''': STATES!

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:'''John Hancock''': The Proclamation by King George III. "Many of our subjects, mislead by a desperate conspiracy and dangerous and ill-designing men, have forgotten the allegiance which they owe to power that has protected and supported them and have declared rebellion and traitorously levied war against us. It is a better part of wisdom to put a speedy end to such disorders. We have thought fit to issue a royal proclamation that all our royal kings, both civil and militarily, are obliged to suppress such rebellion and bring the traitors to justice. When the unhappy and deluded multitude against whom this force shall be directed shall become sensible of their error, I shall be ready to receive the misled with tenderness and mercy. For those who persist in their treason...''[shocked]'' for those who persist in their treason, the punishment shall be death by hanging. Given in parliament this 26th day of October in the year, 1775...God save the King."
:'''Samuel Adams''': ''[furious]'' God...''damn'' the King!
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': God bless the King. Who else could've brought such a spirit of unity to the Congress?

:'''John Adams''': Objects of the most stupendous magnitude. Measures which will affect the lives of millions, born and unborn are now before us. We must expect a great expense of blood to obtain them but we must always remember that a free constitution of civil government cannot be purchased a too dear a rate as there is nothing on this side of Jerusalem, of greater importance to mankind. [[w:John Dickinson (Pennsylvania and Delaware)|My worthy colleague from Pennsylvania]] has spoken with great ingenuity and eloquence. He's given you a grim prognostication of our national future, but where he foresees apocalypse I see hope. I see a new nation ready to take its place in the world. Not an empire, but a republic. And a republic of laws, not men. Gentlemen, we are in the very midst of revolution. The most complete unexpected and remarkable of any in the history of the world. How few of the human race have ever had an opportunity of choosing a system of government for themselves, and their children. I am not without apprehensions, gentlemen. But the end that we have in sight is more than worth all the means. My belief says that the hour has come. My judgment approves this measure and my whole heart is in it. All that I have, all that I am and all that I hope in this life, I am now ready to stake upon it. While I'll live, let me have a country. A free country.

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:'''John Adams''': My dearest friend, the break is made and now our work begins. You will think me transported with enthusiasm but I am not. I am well aware of the toil and blood and treasure that it will cost us to maintain this Declaration and support and defend these states. It is the will of Heaven that the two countries should be sundered forever. It may be the will of Heaven that America shall suffer calamities still more wasting and distresses yet more dreadful. Yet through all the gloom, I can see the rays of ravishing light and glory and that posterity will triumph in that day's transaction.

== ''Don't Tread on Me'' [3] ==

:'''Abigail "Nabby"''': Why do boys have all the pleasure?
:'''Abigail Adams:''' Because we let them.
...
:'''Abigail "Nabby"''': When they get back, we shall be very strict with them.
:'''Abagail Adams''': When they get back, we shall be far too lenient with them

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:'''Benjamin Franklin''': All of Paris is a school, master Adams. A young man need only to avail himself of the lessons.

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:'''John Adams''': Our independence cannot be achieved if we are to be nothing more than a pawn in France’s never-ending game with our common enemy.

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:'''Benjamin Franklin''': Have you learned nothing, Mr. Adams? If you continue to exasperate and antagonize these people--
:'''John Adams''': As I did in Philadelphia and we declared independence, you recall.
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': In Philadelphia we ''negotiated'' independence.
:'''John Adams''': Well, you may be as patient and accommodating as you like, doctor, but for myself, I will not voluntarily put on the chains of France while I am struggling to throw off those of Great Britain!

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:'''John Adams''': You know, it is universally believed that dr. Franklin has accomplished our revolution entirely by himself with a simple wave of his electric wand. Whatever merits he may have as a philosopher, as a legislator he has done very little, sir. Very little indeed.

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:'''John Adams''': If ever there was a natural alliance, surely it is between the republics of the Netherlands and the United States. The Dutch first gave asylum to the pilgrims. New York and New Jersey were first settled by your countrymen.
:'''Dutch Banker''': May I remind you, that the Netherlands were a republic long before America was even an idea?
:'''John Adams''': Indeed. Indeed, sir. If I may, America and Holland are so close, in history, in religion, in government, that every Dutchman instructed in the subject must pronounce the American Revolution just and necessary, or pass censure on the greatest actions of his immortal ancestors.

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:'''Dutch Banker''': There are rumours, that America will settle for a negotiated peace.
:'''John Adams''': No, sir. No. No, the only acceptable outcome is complete and irrevocable independence.

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:'''John Adams''': The charge of vanity is the last refuge of little wits and of mercenary quacks! I have long learned, that a man may give offense, and he may still succeed!

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:'''Abigail “Nabby”''': Is the war over?
:'''Abigail Adams''': Not while there is a single British soldier remaining in America. But they cannot hold on for long. Not after this. God be praised, and General Washington.

== ''Reunion'' [4] ==

:'''Abigail Adams''': Well, I have been in France for such a short time. It would be unfair to pass sentence or form judgement.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Which implies that you've already done both.
:'''Abigail Adams''': Well, if I had, Mr. Jefferson, I would only offer them after my further experience had shown my wisdom, or the error of my ways.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': An admirable caution.
:'''John Adams''': Yes, and highly uncharacteristic, I assure you.

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:'''Abigail Adams''': Paris is unique.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Yes, and best enjoyed in the company of women.
:'''Abigail Adams''': Women would add interest to many things, Mr. Jefferson, if men would allow it.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Well, that has been my experience, Ms. Adams.

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:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I've resolved to renounce embarrassment in favor of enjoyment

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:'''Benjamin Franklin''': The English love an insult. It's their only test of a man's sincerity.

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:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I expect that any constitutional document that emerges from Philadelphia will be as compromised as our Declaration of Independency. I am increasingly persuaded that the Earth belongs exclusively to the living, and that one generation has no more right to bind another to its laws and judgements, than one independent nation has the right to command another.

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:'''Benjamin Franklin''': It is no small thing to build a new world, gentlemen. We have our republic. We must endeavour to keep it, if we can.

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:'''John Adams''': I shall esteem myself the happiest of men if I can be instrumental in restoring the confidence and affection - or in better words, the good old nature and the good old humour, between peoples who, though separated by an ocean and under different governments, have the same language, the same religion, and kindred blood.

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:'''George III''': There is an opinion among some people, Mr. Adams, that you are not the most attached of all your countrymen to the manners of France.
:'''John Adams''': Yes, well, I avow to your majesty that I have no attachment to any country but my own.
:'''George III''': An honest man will never have any other.

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:'''John Adams''': Abigail. Here's a fine culmination to all my years of service - fewer than half the votes of the electoral college. General Washington is unanimously acclaimed President with 69 votes, whereas I apparently am scorned by all but 34 of the electors.
:'''Abigail Adams''': John, there are two, four, six, eight, ten other names here. You have more votes than all of them put together. And John Jay comes in third with nine.
:'''John Adams''': Nonetheless, I consider - I consider such a showing a stain upon my character.
:'''Abigail Adams''': John!
:'''John Adams''': I will not and I cannot accept it.
:'''Abigail Adams''': John... You are vice president now.

== ''Unite or Die'' [5] ==

:'''John Adams''': I have seen what the future holds, Abigail. Men and manners, principles, opinions. They've altered very much in this country. Authority is our only protection against discord, civil war and sedition. Now the office of the president, no doubt, is sufficient to establish such authority. But we must not be surprised if we ever find we need a monarch -
:'''Abigail Adams''': Oh! You would do well -
:'''John Adams''': - to keep us from coming asunder!
:'''Abigail Adams''': - to keep your thoughts to yourself, John! People will say that your mind has been tainted by foreign courts. They are already saying such things in Boston.

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:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I've been, as you know, in revolutionary France, where the streets are filled with the songs of Liberty and Brotherhood, and the overthrow of ancient tyrannies of Europe. And to return from there to this, our cradle of revolution, and find the dinner table chatter is all of money, and banks, and authority, is an unwelcome surprise.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Unwelcome perhaps, but necessary.

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:'''Alexander Hamilton''': The future prosperity of this nation rests chiefly in trade. Trade depends, among other things, on the willingness of other nations to lend us money.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': And how would you propose to establish international credit?
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Our first step would be to incur a national debt. The greater the debt, the greater the credit. And to that end I have recommended to the president that Congress adopt all the debts incurred by the individual states during the war through a national bank. The idea being that if the states owe Congress money, then other nations will feel more inclined to lend it to us.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': If the states are indebted to a central authority, it increases the power of the central government.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': There you have it exactly. The greater the government's responsibility, the greater its authority.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': The moneyed interest in this country is all in the north, so the wealth and power would inevitably be concentrated there in a federal government. To the expense of the south.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': If that is the case, it is unavoidable if the Union is to be preserved.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I fear our revolution will have been in vain if a Virginia farmer is to be held in hock to a New York stock jobber, who in turn is in hock to a London banker. The opportunities for avarice and corruption would certainly prove irresistible.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Well there you have it, as I have heard said, "If men were angels then no government would be necessary."

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:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Our constitution has many good articles, and some bad ones. I do not know yet which predominate.
:'''John Adams''': Well without this government our republic would have collapsed into anarchy long ago.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': With this government, I am not certain that we are a republic.

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:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Well... to the revolution.
:'''John Adams''': Whose?
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': [''angrily''] They are one and the same, John! Are they not?

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:'''John Adams''': Mr. President.
:'''George Washington''': Mr. President.
:'''John Adams''': Thank you, sir. Thank you.
:'''George Washington''': I am fairly out, and you are fairly in. See which of us will be the happiest.

== ''Unnecessary War'' [6] ==

:'''John Adams''': Oh, surely you and I, Thomas, can rise above the din of politics.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Nowhere is the din of politics greater than in your own cabinet, which you have inherited from Washington without making a single change. They are Hamilton's men - they are determined upon a course of war with France.

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:'''James McHenry''': War is inevitable, sir.
:'''John Adams''': No, war is never inevitable. It must be the course of last resort. How great would be the guilt of an unnecessary war?

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:'''John Adams''': These war measures will protect us from insurrection and subversion.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': There is no war.
:'''John Adams''': And that is the principle behind these measures - the prevention of war.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': You cannot protect the nation by attacking the right of every man to speak freely without fear. You're trampling on the constitution. The states will have no alternative but to resist these measures, which are an assault on the liberty of their people.
:'''John Adams''': Yes, but the people's representatives demanded these acts. Would you have me deaf to the voice of the people?

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:'''Alexander Hamilton''': If we're forced to rely on incompetent state militias for our defense, we may as well start learning French now, Mr. President. ''[chuckling]'' A national army binds the country much as a national bank does.

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:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Let us not forget there are those in our own country, sir, who would prefer secession to our continued Union. If they should be so bold as to act on their threats, in the event, say, of a French victory, we must be prepared to bring the renegades back into the fold by force if necessary.
:'''John Adams''': Never in my life have I heard a man speak more like a fool. Your actions, Mr. Hamilton, would precipitate the very thing that you pretend to protect against; the dissolution of this nation.

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:'''Timothy Pickering''': Why on earth would you disband the army when we are preparing for war?
:'''John Adams''': Why on earth do we need an army when we are preparing for peace?
:'''Timothy Pickering''': You must abandon this folly of a renewed peace commission--
:'''John Adams''': You may think it folly, Mr. Pickering. I do not.

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:'''John Adams''': You, sirs, are subservient to Hamilton, who ruled General Washington and would rule me, if he could. Mr. Jefferson, whom you despise, is an infinitely better man. ''[shouting]'' I would rather be vice-president under him or resident minister to the Barbary pirates than be indebted to a creature such as Hamilton for my present post!

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:'''Abigail Adams''': Half-fed slaves building our nation's capital. What possible good can come from such a place?

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:'''Thomas Jefferson''': If the Federalist conspirators are allowed to defeat this election, there will be resistance by force, and the consequences could be incalculable.
:'''John Adams''': The outcome of this election is within your power. You would do well to quiet your revolutionary notions, Thomas. You have only to say that you will not turn out the government's officers, will maintain the navy, that you will honor the national debt -all of which the Federalists hold dear- and the government will instantly be in your hands.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I will not enter office but in perfect freedom to follow the dictates of my own judgment.

== ''Peacefield'' [7] ==
:'''John Adams''': I consider the true history of our revolution to be lost forever.

Ending Narrative

:'''John Adams''': My dearest friend, whether I stand high or low in the estimation of the world, my conscious is clear. I thank God I have you as a partner in all the joys and sorrows, all the prosperities and adversities of my life, to take a part with me in the struggle...
:'''Mrs Adams''': Should I draw you the picture of my heart, you would know with what indescribable pleasure I have seen so many scores of years roll over our heads, with an affection heightened and improved by time. Nor have the dreary years of absence in the smallest degree effaced from my mind the image of the dear untitled man to whom I gave my heart. You could not be, nor did I wish to see you, an inactive spectator...
:'''John Adams''': Oh posterity, you will never know how much it cost us to preserve your freedom. I hope that you will make a good use of it, for if you do not, I shall repent in Heaven that I ever took half the pains to preserve it.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Paul Giamatti|Paul Giamatti]] - [[John Adams]]
* [[w:Laura Linney|Laura Linney]] - [[Abigail Adams]]
* [[w:David Morse|David Morse]] - [[George Washington]]
* [[w:Clancy O'Connor|Clancy O'Connor]] - [[w:Edward Rutledge|Edward Rutledge]]
* [[w:Sarah Polley|Sarah Polley]] - Abigail 'Nabby' Adams
* [[w:Rufus Sewell|Rufus Sewell]] - [[w:Alexander Hamilton|Alexander Hamilton]]
* [[w:Justin Theroux|Justin Theroux]] - [[w:John Hancock|John Hancock]]
* [[w:Tom Wilkinson|Tom Wilkinson]] - [[Benjamin Franklin]]
* [[w:Danny Huston|Danny Huston]] - [[Samuel Adams]]
* [[w:Stephen Dillane|Stephen Dillane]] - [[Thomas Jefferson]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0472027|title=John Adams}}
* {{tv.com show|75065|John Adams}}
* The official [http://www.hbo.com/films/johnadams/ site]

[[Category:HBO shows]]
[[Category:Documentary television series and miniseries]]
[[Category:Television programs based on books]]
[[Category:Television series based on actual events]]
[[Category:American TV shows]]

John Adams (miniseries)

2016-09-22T16:08:59Z

StjJackson: /* Independence [2] */

{{italic title}}
[[File:Adamstrumbull.jpg|thumb|I have no attachment to any country but my own. ~ John Adams]]
[[File:US flag 13 stars.svg|thumb|Liberty will reign in America! ~ John Adams]]
[[File:George_III_(by_Allan_Ramsay).jpg|thumb|God damn the King! ~ Samuel Adams]]
'''''[[w:John Adams (miniseries)|John Adams]]''''' is a [[w:2008 in film|2008 HBO miniseries]] on the life of [[John Adams]] and the first 50 years of the United States.
:''Directed by [[w:Tom Hooper|Tom Hooper]]. Written by [[w:Kirk Ellis|Kirk Ellis]], based on the book by [[w:David McCullough|David McCullough]].''
<center>'''Join or Die.'''</center>
{{tv-stub}}
== ''Join or Die'' [1] ==
:'''Abigail Adams''': You do not need to quote great men to show you are one.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': Liberty will reign in America!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': [''on clubs used for beating out rope''] Could they not also be used for beating out men's brains?!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': Facts are very stubborn things.

== ''Independence'' [2] ==

:'''Edward Rutledge''': South Carolina, on behalf of its sister colonies ...
:'''John Adams''': STATES!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Hancock''': The Proclamation by King George III. "Many of our subjects, mislead by a desperate conspiracy and dangerous and ill-designing men, have forgotten the allegiance which they owe to power that has protected and supported them and have declared rebellion and traitorously levied war against us. It is a better part of wisdom to put a speedy end to such disorders. We have thought fit to issue a royal proclamation that all our royal kings, both civil and militarily, are obliged to suppress such rebellion and bring the traitors to justice. When the unhappy and deluded multitude against whom this force shall be directed shall become sensible of their error, I shall be ready to receive the misled with tenderness and mercy. For those who persist in their treason...''[shocked]'' for those who persist in their treason, the punishment shall be death by hanging. Given in parliament this 26th day of October in the year, 1775. God save the King."
:'''Samuel Adams''': ''[furious]'' God...''damn'' the King!
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': God bless the King. Who else could've brought such a spirit of unity to the Congress?

:'''John Adams''': Objects of the most stupendous magnitude. Measures which will affect the lives of millions, born and unborn are now before us. We must expect a great expense of blood to obtain them but we must always remember that a free constitution of civil government cannot be purchased a too dear a rate as there is nothing on this side of Jerusalem, of greater importance to mankind. [[w:John Dickinson (Pennsylvania and Delaware)|My worthy colleague from Pennsylvania]] has spoken with great ingenuity and eloquence. He's given you a grim prognostication of our national future, but where he foresees apocalypse I see hope. I see a new nation ready to take its place in the world. Not an empire, but a republic. And a republic of laws, not men. Gentlemen, we are in the very midst of revolution. The most complete unexpected and remarkable of any in the history of the world. How few of the human race have ever had an opportunity of choosing a system of government for themselves, and their children. I am not without apprehensions, gentlemen. But the end that we have in sight is more than worth all the means. My belief says that the hour has come. My judgment approves this measure and my whole heart is in it. All that I have, all that I am and all that I hope in this life, I am now ready to stake upon it. While I'll live, let me have a country. A free country.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': My dearest friend, the break is made and now our work begins. You will think me transported with enthusiasm but I am not. I am well aware of the toil and blood and treasure that it will cost us to maintain this Declaration and support and defend these states. It is the will of Heaven that the two countries should be sundered forever. It may be the will of Heaven that America shall suffer calamities still more wasting and distresses yet more dreadful. Yet through all the gloom, I can see the rays of ravishing light and glory and that posterity will triumph in that day's transaction.

== ''Don't Tread on Me'' [3] ==

:'''Abigail "Nabby"''': Why do boys have all the pleasure?
:'''Abigail Adams:''' Because we let them.
...
:'''Abigail "Nabby"''': When they get back, we shall be very strict with them.
:'''Abagail Adams''': When they get back, we shall be far too lenient with them

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': All of Paris is a school, master Adams. A young man need only to avail himself of the lessons.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': Our independence cannot be achieved if we are to be nothing more than a pawn in France’s never-ending game with our common enemy.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': Have you learned nothing, Mr. Adams? If you continue to exasperate and antagonize these people--
:'''John Adams''': As I did in Philadelphia and we declared independence, you recall.
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': In Philadelphia we ''negotiated'' independence.
:'''John Adams''': Well, you may be as patient and accommodating as you like, doctor, but for myself, I will not voluntarily put on the chains of France while I am struggling to throw off those of Great Britain!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': You know, it is universally believed that dr. Franklin has accomplished our revolution entirely by himself with a simple wave of his electric wand. Whatever merits he may have as a philosopher, as a legislator he has done very little, sir. Very little indeed.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': If ever there was a natural alliance, surely it is between the republics of the Netherlands and the United States. The Dutch first gave asylum to the pilgrims. New York and New Jersey were first settled by your countrymen.
:'''Dutch Banker''': May I remind you, that the Netherlands were a republic long before America was even an idea?
:'''John Adams''': Indeed. Indeed, sir. If I may, America and Holland are so close, in history, in religion, in government, that every Dutchman instructed in the subject must pronounce the American Revolution just and necessary, or pass censure on the greatest actions of his immortal ancestors.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dutch Banker''': There are rumours, that America will settle for a negotiated peace.
:'''John Adams''': No, sir. No. No, the only acceptable outcome is complete and irrevocable independence.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': The charge of vanity is the last refuge of little wits and of mercenary quacks! I have long learned, that a man may give offense, and he may still succeed!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Abigail “Nabby”''': Is the war over?
:'''Abigail Adams''': Not while there is a single British soldier remaining in America. But they cannot hold on for long. Not after this. God be praised, and General Washington.

== ''Reunion'' [4] ==

:'''Abigail Adams''': Well, I have been in France for such a short time. It would be unfair to pass sentence or form judgement.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Which implies that you've already done both.
:'''Abigail Adams''': Well, if I had, Mr. Jefferson, I would only offer them after my further experience had shown my wisdom, or the error of my ways.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': An admirable caution.
:'''John Adams''': Yes, and highly uncharacteristic, I assure you.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Abigail Adams''': Paris is unique.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Yes, and best enjoyed in the company of women.
:'''Abigail Adams''': Women would add interest to many things, Mr. Jefferson, if men would allow it.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Well, that has been my experience, Ms. Adams.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I've resolved to renounce embarrassment in favor of enjoyment

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': The English love an insult. It's their only test of a man's sincerity.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I expect that any constitutional document that emerges from Philadelphia will be as compromised as our Declaration of Independency. I am increasingly persuaded that the Earth belongs exclusively to the living, and that one generation has no more right to bind another to its laws and judgements, than one independent nation has the right to command another.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Benjamin Franklin''': It is no small thing to build a new world, gentlemen. We have our republic. We must endeavour to keep it, if we can.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': I shall esteem myself the happiest of men if I can be instrumental in restoring the confidence and affection - or in better words, the good old nature and the good old humour, between peoples who, though separated by an ocean and under different governments, have the same language, the same religion, and kindred blood.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''George III''': There is an opinion among some people, Mr. Adams, that you are not the most attached of all your countrymen to the manners of France.
:'''John Adams''': Yes, well, I avow to your majesty that I have no attachment to any country but my own.
:'''George III''': An honest man will never have any other.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': Abigail. Here's a fine culmination to all my years of service - fewer than half the votes of the electoral college. General Washington is unanimously acclaimed President with 69 votes, whereas I apparently am scorned by all but 34 of the electors.
:'''Abigail Adams''': John, there are two, four, six, eight, ten other names here. You have more votes than all of them put together. And John Jay comes in third with nine.
:'''John Adams''': Nonetheless, I consider - I consider such a showing a stain upon my character.
:'''Abigail Adams''': John!
:'''John Adams''': I will not and I cannot accept it.
:'''Abigail Adams''': John... You are vice president now.

== ''Unite or Die'' [5] ==

:'''John Adams''': I have seen what the future holds, Abigail. Men and manners, principles, opinions. They've altered very much in this country. Authority is our only protection against discord, civil war and sedition. Now the office of the president, no doubt, is sufficient to establish such authority. But we must not be surprised if we ever find we need a monarch -
:'''Abigail Adams''': Oh! You would do well -
:'''John Adams''': - to keep us from coming asunder!
:'''Abigail Adams''': - to keep your thoughts to yourself, John! People will say that your mind has been tainted by foreign courts. They are already saying such things in Boston.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I've been, as you know, in revolutionary France, where the streets are filled with the songs of Liberty and Brotherhood, and the overthrow of ancient tyrannies of Europe. And to return from there to this, our cradle of revolution, and find the dinner table chatter is all of money, and banks, and authority, is an unwelcome surprise.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Unwelcome perhaps, but necessary.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': The future prosperity of this nation rests chiefly in trade. Trade depends, among other things, on the willingness of other nations to lend us money.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': And how would you propose to establish international credit?
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Our first step would be to incur a national debt. The greater the debt, the greater the credit. And to that end I have recommended to the president that Congress adopt all the debts incurred by the individual states during the war through a national bank. The idea being that if the states owe Congress money, then other nations will feel more inclined to lend it to us.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': If the states are indebted to a central authority, it increases the power of the central government.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': There you have it exactly. The greater the government's responsibility, the greater its authority.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': The moneyed interest in this country is all in the north, so the wealth and power would inevitably be concentrated there in a federal government. To the expense of the south.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': If that is the case, it is unavoidable if the Union is to be preserved.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I fear our revolution will have been in vain if a Virginia farmer is to be held in hock to a New York stock jobber, who in turn is in hock to a London banker. The opportunities for avarice and corruption would certainly prove irresistible.
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Well there you have it, as I have heard said, "If men were angels then no government would be necessary."

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Our constitution has many good articles, and some bad ones. I do not know yet which predominate.
:'''John Adams''': Well without this government our republic would have collapsed into anarchy long ago.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': With this government, I am not certain that we are a republic.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Well... to the revolution.
:'''John Adams''': Whose?
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': [''angrily''] They are one and the same, John! Are they not?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': Mr. President.
:'''George Washington''': Mr. President.
:'''John Adams''': Thank you, sir. Thank you.
:'''George Washington''': I am fairly out, and you are fairly in. See which of us will be the happiest.

== ''Unnecessary War'' [6] ==

:'''John Adams''': Oh, surely you and I, Thomas, can rise above the din of politics.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': Nowhere is the din of politics greater than in your own cabinet, which you have inherited from Washington without making a single change. They are Hamilton's men - they are determined upon a course of war with France.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''James McHenry''': War is inevitable, sir.
:'''John Adams''': No, war is never inevitable. It must be the course of last resort. How great would be the guilt of an unnecessary war?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': These war measures will protect us from insurrection and subversion.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': There is no war.
:'''John Adams''': And that is the principle behind these measures - the prevention of war.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': You cannot protect the nation by attacking the right of every man to speak freely without fear. You're trampling on the constitution. The states will have no alternative but to resist these measures, which are an assault on the liberty of their people.
:'''John Adams''': Yes, but the people's representatives demanded these acts. Would you have me deaf to the voice of the people?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': If we're forced to rely on incompetent state militias for our defense, we may as well start learning French now, Mr. President. ''[chuckling]'' A national army binds the country much as a national bank does.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alexander Hamilton''': Let us not forget there are those in our own country, sir, who would prefer secession to our continued Union. If they should be so bold as to act on their threats, in the event, say, of a French victory, we must be prepared to bring the renegades back into the fold by force if necessary.
:'''John Adams''': Never in my life have I heard a man speak more like a fool. Your actions, Mr. Hamilton, would precipitate the very thing that you pretend to protect against; the dissolution of this nation.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Timothy Pickering''': Why on earth would you disband the army when we are preparing for war?
:'''John Adams''': Why on earth do we need an army when we are preparing for peace?
:'''Timothy Pickering''': You must abandon this folly of a renewed peace commission--
:'''John Adams''': You may think it folly, Mr. Pickering. I do not.

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Adams''': You, sirs, are subservient to Hamilton, who ruled General Washington and would rule me, if he could. Mr. Jefferson, whom you despise, is an infinitely better man. ''[shouting]'' I would rather be vice-president under him or resident minister to the Barbary pirates than be indebted to a creature such as Hamilton for my present post!

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Abigail Adams''': Half-fed slaves building our nation's capital. What possible good can come from such a place?

<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': If the Federalist conspirators are allowed to defeat this election, there will be resistance by force, and the consequences could be incalculable.
:'''John Adams''': The outcome of this election is within your power. You would do well to quiet your revolutionary notions, Thomas. You have only to say that you will not turn out the government's officers, will maintain the navy, that you will honor the national debt -all of which the Federalists hold dear- and the government will instantly be in your hands.
:'''Thomas Jefferson''': I will not enter office but in perfect freedom to follow the dictates of my own judgment.

== ''Peacefield'' [7] ==
:'''John Adams''': I consider the true history of our revolution to be lost forever.

Ending Narrative

:'''John Adams''': My dearest friend, whether I stand high or low in the estimation of the world, my conscious is clear. I thank God I have you as a partner in all the joys and sorrows, all the prosperities and adversities of my life, to take a part with me in the struggle...
:'''Mrs Adams''': Should I draw you the picture of my heart, you would know with what indescribable pleasure I have seen so many scores of years roll over our heads, with an affection heightened and improved by time. Nor have the dreary years of absence in the smallest degree effaced from my mind the image of the dear untitled man to whom I gave my heart. You could not be, nor did I wish to see you, an inactive spectator...
:'''John Adams''': Oh posterity, you will never know how much it cost us to preserve your freedom. I hope that you will make a good use of it, for if you do not, I shall repent in Heaven that I ever took half the pains to preserve it.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Paul Giamatti|Paul Giamatti]] - [[John Adams]]
* [[w:Laura Linney|Laura Linney]] - [[Abigail Adams]]
* [[w:David Morse|David Morse]] - [[George Washington]]
* [[w:Clancy O'Connor|Clancy O'Connor]] - [[w:Edward Rutledge|Edward Rutledge]]
* [[w:Sarah Polley|Sarah Polley]] - Abigail 'Nabby' Adams
* [[w:Rufus Sewell|Rufus Sewell]] - [[w:Alexander Hamilton|Alexander Hamilton]]
* [[w:Justin Theroux|Justin Theroux]] - [[w:John Hancock|John Hancock]]
* [[w:Tom Wilkinson|Tom Wilkinson]] - [[Benjamin Franklin]]
* [[w:Danny Huston|Danny Huston]] - [[Samuel Adams]]
* [[w:Stephen Dillane|Stephen Dillane]] - [[Thomas Jefferson]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0472027|title=John Adams}}
* {{tv.com show|75065|John Adams}}
* The official [http://www.hbo.com/films/johnadams/ site]

[[Category:HBO shows]]
[[Category:Documentary television series and miniseries]]
[[Category:Television programs based on books]]
[[Category:Television series based on actual events]]
[[Category:American TV shows]]

Daniel Tosh

2016-08-10T02:20:34Z

StjJackson:

[[File:Daniel Tosh at Boston University.jpg|thumb|I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.]]

'''[[w:Daniel Tosh|Daniel Tosh]]''' (born [[29 May]] [[1975]]) is a West German-born American comedian.
== Quotes ==
===2000s===
====2003====
===== ''Comedy Central Presents: Daniel Tosh'' (2003)=====
* Even when I was a kid, my imaginary friend would play with the kid across the street. I'd be like, "Hey, so I guess I'll see you later," and he's, like, "Whatever, queer". That's a hate crime!
* I'm a lousy piece of ass, and I should know every man I have been with has told me so, I've been there almost every time. I mean, the closest thing I got to a birds and bees talk was with my dad. He was like, "Son, sex is a lot like this egg." "Dad, I think those are drugs." "Whatever, queer." "Why does everyone keep saying that?" "Listen up, son, listen good. You take a woman and crack her over the head and lie her flat. Make sure she sizzles and then flip her over. Don't stand too close or you'll get yellow stuff all over your bacon" What? I see some of you holding your stomach and feeling: "No, you shouldn't." That's a breakfast joke. That's the most important joke of the day. If you don't laugh at that, you're gonna be sleepy around 11:30. And you'll be like, "Why am I so tired?"
*
* The floor is lava! That's the lava game, when you pretend that the floor is lava and you climb up on all the furniture. I see some of you don't get that. I don't care, that's okay. You might have called it something else, but it meant the same thing; you were poor. I'd tell my mom, "I want a Nintendo." and she'd reply "The floor is lava!" "What's wrong with our house? Why can't we afford better carpeting? It's called two jobs, bitch!" That's how I used to talk. I was very street.
*
* You ever hear girls say that? "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual." I like to reply with "I'm not honest, but you're interesting!"
*
* I don't think I could stab somebody, 'cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
*
* Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, "Hey, at least I'm not pregnant
*
====2005====
=====''True Stories I Made Up'' (2005)=====
* I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

* I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having another man around the house...

* Anal sex is a lot like spinach: if you're forced to have it as a child, you won't enjoy it as an adult.

* You are a sick freak who should be beaten.

* You'll have to excuse me for my bad posture. My mom says it's 'cause I have a huge cock. Yeah, she talks like that. She's a sailor. We don't judge her. She lives by one rule, and it's the rule of the sea.

* I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fake...We have shows like Extreme Make-Over: "I don't want to develop a personality, just ''cut my face''! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I ''look'' like it."

====2007====
=====''Completely Serious'' (2007)=====
*Thank you... I deserve that. I'm really good. I'm one of the best. Actually, I'm the best, currently ranked number one in the world. So buckle up. You guys are in for a treat. Oh, 19,000 people, This is awesome. Thank you. Seriously, don't look around. It's 19,000. People watching on tv, they never know. They're so stupid. That's why they watch tv.
*
* Leopards can carry twice their own weight up a tree...I don't have a joke for that, yet. But, when you walk out of here tonight, you can say, "Well, at least I learned something. That guy's like a fucking Snapple!"
*
*''[On looters stealing VCR's]'' Why are you stealing a VCR, they don't even ''make'' cassette tapes anymore! I'd steal a TiVo...but I don't, because I'm rich, and I've had one for 3 years. I would say 4 years, but that won't make the joke any funnier. You tell people, "I've had a TiVo for 4 years," and they're all like, "Who's the dick?"
*
* You know who LOVES to get fisted? Sock puppets. That joke is adorable!
*
* I once had on a Lance Armstrong bracelet and a What Would Jesus Do bracelet and I rubbed a blind kid's eyes and he could see. But he wasn't used to the light, it was bright, walked into traffic, was killed instantly. Okay, those of you that are laughing, I'm going to call you half-full, because you're remembering the most important part: The bracelets are working!
*
* I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.

===2010s===
====2011====
====="Happy Thoughts" (2011)=====
* Thank you … San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you … for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.
*
* Oh, San Francisco! My 3rd favorite place to do comedy in. That's not bad, right? Top ten. More butt-fucking per square foot than any other place in the world, that's you guys. ''[Audience cheers]'' Put that on your postcards. "San Fransisco: More butt-fucking per square foot. Miss you."
*
* It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
*
* I can say that. I have a television show.
*
* Am I the only one who thinks that [[w:David Beckham|David Beckham]] should film a sex scene with [[w:Brad Pitt|Brad Pitt]]? I don't know who's in charge of casting in Hollywood, but get it done before one of them is past their prime. Can you imagine those two making love? If there is not a man in here who's junk doesn't even wiggle at the thought of it, and this has nothing to do with your homophobic beliefs. At that level, it's ''art'', you monkey! You should feel privileged that you get to breathe the same air as those Greek gods!
*
* A golden shower and Kite Runner reference in the same joke? Almost impossible! Almost impossible! I pull it off, because I care.
*
* Have you ever taken a post-shower shit? Augh! Might as well go back to bed, start your whole day over.
*
* You should never eat when you're on the toilet. "But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk!" That's more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream.
*
* We'll put an asterisk next to Barry Bonds' name, sure, as soon as we put one next to Babe Ruth's name. Getting to break records before black people were allowed to play? Excuse me, where is that asterisk? Why don't people talk about that?
*
* Don't get lost on a hike there. You'll end up on YouTube without a head, and there's no web redemption for that.
*
* Don't you love it when people in school are like, "I'm a bad test taker?" You mean, you're stupid. Oh, you struggle with that part where we find out what you know? Oh. No, no, I can totally relate. See, because I'm a brilliant painter, minus my God-awful brushstrokes. Oh, how the masterpiece is crystal up here[points to head], but once paint hits canvas, I develop Parkinson's. I apologize if there's a Parkinson's painter in the audience. I assume your best work is in the A.M. Probably gets a bit abstract by noon.
*
* You ever hear this expression? The worst day of fishing is better than the best day at work. Uh, I'll call B.S. I've watched the Deadliest Catch on Discovery. I've never once been at work, capsized in a 40 degree water, watched all my co-workers die, and be like, "Hey, at least we're fucking fishin'."
*
* The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
*
* Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
*
* I came up with my own expression. I like to "make it hail". Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts. ''[Mimes throwing change]'' "Ow! Were those nickels?" Yeah, it's a down economy, I'm a baller on a budget, bitch!
*
* The first thing Michael Phelps should have done when that photo came out was call Kobe Bryant's publicist. Cuz Kobe was accused of rape, and all he had to do was settle in court for millions of dollars, change his jersey number and win a championship and that soulless town in LA couldn't be prouder. I just hope that when parents let their kids run around in #24 jerseys, they have the decency to say: 'well come on, number 8 was the rapist. Number 24 has a great work ethic and an unblockable turnaround.'
*
* Have you heard about the kid who lost his head at Six Flags? The first time I read it, I thought, "Oh my God...How can I make this funny for everybody?"...Here goes. What happened was, he was in a church youth group and he lost his hat during the roller coaster. Afterwards, he was like, "I'm going to go get my hat." And there was a big fence with signs that said, "Hey, cut your losses." And he was like, "What? Have you SEEN me in that hat? Not today, fence!" So, he climbed that fence, and then there was another fence with a sign that probably said, "Hey, come on, knock it off." He was like, "You can't tell me how to live, signs!" And he climbed over that fence and there, the story ends. Did he get the hat? I'd like to think he did. That small silver lining, "Hey, I got my hat!" Then whack, right then! And I know he was on a church youth group and they don't believe in evolution, but that kid was going to get picked off sooner or later.
*
* Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.
*

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Tosh, Daniel}}
[[Category: Comedians]]
[[Category:Americans]]
[[Category:Living people]]

Robin Williams

2016-08-10T02:20:12Z

StjJackson:

[[File:Robin Williams 2011a (2).jpg |thumb|[[Comedy]] can be a [[cathartic]] way to deal with [[personal]] [[trauma]].]]
'''[[w:Robin Williams|Robin McLaurin Williams]]''' ([[July 21]], [[1951]] – [[August 11]], [[2014]]) was an [[w:United States|American]] stand-up comedian, actor, director, producer, writer, singer, voice artist, and comedian.

==Quotes==
[[File:Defense.gov News Photo 041214-A-4934L-1562.jpg|thumb|You're only given a little spark of madness and if you lose that, you're [[nothing]].]]
[[File:Robin Williams Canada.jpg|thumb|I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."]]
[[File:Robin Williams.jpg|thumb|right|You have the right to bear arms, you have the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!]]
[[File:Robin Williams Aviano.jpg|thumb|Unless you're passing a bowling ball, I don't think so.]]
[[File:Robin williams uso.jpg|thumb|And if you want a linguistic adventure, go [[drinking]] with a Scotsman. 'Cause you can't fuckin' [[understand]] them ''before!'']]
[[File:Robin Williams in Camp Phoenix.jpg|thumb|Some people say [[Jesus]] wasn't [[Jewish]]. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents! Come on! He [[work]]s in his [[father]]'s [[business]], his [[Mother|mom]] thought he was [[God]]'s [[gift]]! He's Jewish! Give it up!]]
[[File:Robin Williams Bahrain.jpg|thumb|What kind of [[food]] did we drop on [[Afghanistan]]? Pop-Tarts, peanut butter... just add a Honey Baked Ham and you've got a redneck [[Christmas]].]]
[[File:Robin Williams 2008.jpg|thumb|In the midst of all this, there was [[w:Bernard Madoff|Bernie Madoff]]. An embezzler named "made off." Hmm. Was the [[name]] not a [[clue]]? Did he have to be with the [[accounting]] firm of Dewey, Fuckyou, and Howe?]]
[[File:Happy Feet Premiere (307985736).jpg|thumb|[[Catherine the Great]], [[Golda Meir]], [[Indira Gandhi]]: These may not be women you'd want to fuck, but you definitely don't want to fuck ''with them.'' And if you don't think a [[Margaret Thatcher|woman]] can [[w:Falklands War|handle a war]], ask the Argentinians.]]
[[File:Robin Williams.jpg|thumb|One of the fundamental things is in a jihad! That sounds like a country western term like, "Jiii-had!"]]


* '''I would like to do for you now, a Japanese science fiction movie: "Attack of the Killer Vibrators."''' 
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH7crqRvhhc Performance at the L.A. Improv (1977)]

* Before I go on, I want to ask if there are any [[w:Hell's Angels|Hell's Angels]] here tonight? ''[no response]'' … Those pussy-whipped faggots!
** Performance at the L.A. Improv (1977)

* I would like to do [[Shakespeare]]'s only unknown piece, ''That's the Way I Lick It'' ... It's a bleak night my Lord. '''Look! The [[moon]] like a testicle hangs low in the sky. This bodes not well.''' ... Anon, post-haste, let's get a larger crowd in here. Free Cocaine! There's no luck. Does anyone have drugs to ease my pain? My Kingdom for a Quaalude! … It is the end! I must go, for I cannot come here, and yet, it has been brief, 'tis over, and the lights do turn bright. ''I'm melting! [[James_Clavell#The_Fly_.281958.29|Help me! Help me!]]'' 
** Performance at the L.A. Improv (1977)

*  '''You're only given a little spark of madness and if you lose that, you're [[nothing]].'''
** ''A Night at the Roxy'' (1978)

* [[Death]] is [[nature]]'s way of saying, "Your table is ready."
** As quoted in ''The Fourth—And by Far the Most Recent—637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said'' (1990) edited by Robert Byrne, p, 518

* '''Parry is a man with a previous life that was so damaged that he had to create another [[personality]].''' … It's like post-traumatic stress syndrome: Some [[people]] respond to traumatic or tragic events by withdrawal; some even create other personalities. '''Parry is a creation — somewhat [[w:Don Quixote|Don Quixote]], somewhat [[Groucho Marx]] — but he's a creation designed to avoid a past event.'''
** On his role in ''[[The Fisher King]]'' (1991), as quoted in [http://www.smart.co.uk/dreams/fkprod1.htm "Dreams: ''The Fisher King''" (2006) edited by Phil Stubbs]

* '''[[Comedy]] can be a [[cathartic]] way to deal with [[personal]] [[trauma]].'''
** [http://parade.condenast.com/154817/dotsonrader/robin-williams-on-returning-to-tv-getting-sober-and-downsizing-in-his-60s/ "Robin Williams on Returning to TV, Getting Sober, and Downsizing in His 60s", ''Parade'' (12 September 2013)]

===''Reality...What a Concept'' (1979)===
* I'd like to start the show by showing you something I'm very proud of. You'll have to step back, though.

* ''[spoofing [[Fred Rogers|Mr. Rogers]]]'' It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood... oh, damn, someone stole my sneakers. Let's do some wonderful things today, boys and girls; but first, do you mind if I take some more medication? It helps the day go a little bit slower. There we go. Now we're gonna do some wonderful experiments you can do around the house. Let's put Mr. Hamster in the microwave, okay?... He knows where he's going. BEEP! ''Pop'' goes the weasel! That's severe radiation. Can you say "severe radiation"? Oh, look, you got a little balloon now.

* ''[as a Shakespearean narrator]'' Mind not my words — Let the ''play'' be the thing. I'll get back forth and touch myself anon.

* I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."

* There was an old, crazy dude who used to live a long time ago. His name was Lord Buckley. And he said, a long time ago, he said, "People: They're kinda like flowers and it's been a privilege walking in your garden." My love goes with you.

===''[[w:A Night at the Met|A Night at the Met]]'' (1986)===
* My God, what am I doing here? It's weird. How do you get to the Met? Money! Lots and lots of money! I can imagine [[w:Luciano Pavarotti|Pavarotti]] next door at the improv going, "Two Jews walk into a bar..."

* Beer commercials usually show ''big'' men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's 5:00 in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."

* The sound crapped out for a bit, that's why I'm using [[w:suppository|SupposiSound]]! No one wants their tapes back, I wonder why.

* We were talking briefly about cocaine...yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!

* They call it freebasing. It's not free, it costs you your house! It should be called home basing! Three signs you're addicted to cocaine: First of all, if you come home to your house and you have no furniture and your cat's going "I'm outta here, prick!," Warning! Number two: If you have this dream where you're doing cocaine in your sleep and you can't fall asleep, and you wake up and you're doing cocaine, BINGO! Number three: if on your tax form it says, "$50,000 for snacks," MAYDAY!

* Baseball players have to go in front of a grand jury and say, "Yeah, I did cocaine. Can you blame me? It's a slow goddamn game! Come on Jack! Standing out in left field for seven innings, and there's a long white line going down to home plate! I see the guy putting it out going "Heh heh heh heh!!!!" And that damn organ music too, the whole [does intro to "Charge!"]! Third base coach is always doing this...[wiping nose, fidgeting around]. When he's doing that, I don't know whether to slide or do a line! People sliding into home plate head first, umpire goes, "You're out!" "No, baby, I'm up now! Ha ha ha!"

* The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!

* [On husbands sharing their wives' childbearing experience] Unless you're passing a bowling ball, I don't think so. Unless you're trying to circumcise yourself with a chainsaw, I don't think so. Unless you're opening an umbrella up your ass, I don't think so!

* Thank you. How-DY! Whoops, wrong opera house. How do you like the play, Mr. [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]]? Duck!

* [Comparing [[Ronald Reagan]]'s Cabinet to ''[[Star Wars]]''] There's [[Henry Kissinger]] as Yoda, "Must now cannot see understanding that I be here for you. I will show you now, Nicaragua, Cambodia, Nicaragua, Cambodia, shhh. Must later understand!"

===''[[w:Inside the Actors Studio|Inside the Actors Studio]]'' (2001)===
:Season 7, Episode 15 (10 June 2001)

* The professor was on acid, and sometimes he'd shout, "I'm Lincoln!" And then, there'd be a kid in the back, "I'm [[w:John Wilkes Booth|Booth]]!"

* (On creating) And you get that little endorphin buzz, it's great. Why do you think Einstein looked like that? I don't think he was going "You know this is some dynamite weed! It's all relative you know."

* (Imitating Royal Family) I've tell you we've not been inbred but don't look at the ears. That's all we can do is screw in a light bulb. Look at the teeth, look at the ears and go, something's gone wrong. Gene pool is a jacuzzi back up."

* I'd like to welcome you the [[w:Aircraft Owners and Pilots Association|AOPA]]. There's also aa-AOPA. If this is your first time flying a plane on alcohol, I'd like to welcome ya!

* Imitating [[w:Luciano Pavarotti|Pavarotti]]. "It is amazing I know it is huge. BEHOLD IT. IT IS GROWING. ALL OF MY PHALLUS IS A SHOWING!"

=== ''Robin Williams: Live on Broadway'' (2002)===
* [[Michael Jackson|Michael]] is claiming racism, and I'm like, "Honey, you gotta pick a race first!" What are you claiming, mistreatment of elves? What are you saying?

* And that's when you realize that God gave you a penis and a brain and only enough blood to run one at a time.

* I do know this one thing. I know there is a cure for whatever bioterrorism they send at us. I know there's one. And it lies within [[Keith Richards]], I know that. He is the only man on the planet who can go ''[pantomimes snorting a line of powder]'' "Anthrax? All riiiiight! Doesn't go with my ''E. coli'', but fuck." Keith is the only man who can make the Osbornes look fucking Amish. He's insane! I've seen Keith go to a drug dealer and the drug dealer's like "I'm out, man, I'm sorry. I have nothing left!" Supposedly, he goes to Switzerland and changes his blood, not like one pint, but like a fucking Chevrolet, all of it. I just wanna know, who gets his blood? Some old Swiss man's going "HEIDI! We got to go on tour, you bitch! Got to go pay for Mick's babies! C'mon!" Because I know this: we may all be dead and gone, Keith will still be there with five cockroaches. Keith'll go "You know I smoked your uncle, did you know that? Fucking crazy…"

* And the French! The French have a bomb, too! Maybe they have the Michelin Bomb—ah! Only destroys restaurants under 4 stars! They are one of the only people that still test their bombs! Where do they do it? In the Sahara in the total wasteland? No, fuck off! In Tahiti! In paradise. Why? Because we're French. Oh, look, a Greenpeace boat coming to protest—fuck off. I sink you.

* [''Imitating a Frenchman''] Fuck you, Americans! Uncultured, crass Americans! We hate all of you! Fu—the Germans are here! Hello, Americans! We love you!

* The Swiss…the nice Germans, or as they like to say, the other white race. Now how can you trust an army…how butch is an army that has a wine opener on its knife? "Many of you have never opened Chardonnay under fire! First, you pull the cork out, sniff it, say, 'Meat or fish?', and throw! ''(Military cadence)'' I don't know, but I've been told, Chardonnay must be served cold! Ja!"

* [[George W. Bush|Dubya]] doesn't speak while [[Dick Cheney|Cheney]]'s drinking water. Check that shit out.

* And some people say [[Jesus]] wasn't Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents! Come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift! He's Jewish! Give it up!

* ''[Describing the drinking habits of different ethnic groups]'' You know if you're Irish, you've got a running start that you can do it better than we are. ''[Irish accent]'' You know that because if you're Irish, you know, you'll kick my ass but then you'll fuckin' sing about it afterwards. ''[sings, dances a jig]'' "Oh, the night you said my wife was fat, I knocked you down and shit in your hat!" And then you keep drinking 'til you're in your eighties and you're on a dialysis machine, doing Liverdance and Michael Flatline! ''Beeeeeep!'' And they say the Irish saved civilization, drank a couple of Guinness and forgot where they fuckin' put it, but that's all right. ''[shifting to Japanese accent]'' Here's the drill, and the Japanese? They drink differently than us. It is a different thing where you can be very polite during the day, and all of a sudden you "''arigatou gozaimasu''." And after five Jack Daniels... "TIE A YELLOW RIBBON! Hey, fuckers! Karaoke for asshole with a microphone! Sing, you round-eyed fuck, come on!" ''[shifting to Scottish accent]'' And if you want a linguistic adventure, go drinking with a Scotsman - 'cause you can't fuckin' understand them ''before''!

* And you realize how drunk (Scotsmen) get; they could wear [[w:Kilt|a skirt]] and not care! And how they could invent a sport like golf! ''[Imitating a drunk Scotsman]'' "Here's my idea for a fuckin' sport. I knock a ball in a gopher hole!" Oh, you mean like pool? "Fuck off pool! Not with a straight stick, with a little fucked-up stick! I'll whack a ball and it goes in a gopher hole!" Oh, you mean like croquet? "FUCK CROQUET! I'll put the hole hundreds of yards away! Oh, fuck oh yeah! It's great fun, there! It's a great thing!" Oh, like a bowling thing? "FUCK NOOOOO! Not straight, I put shit in the way! Like trees and bushes and high grass! So you can lose your fuckin' ball and go whackin' away with a fuckin' tire iron! Whackin' away and every time you feel like you're going to have a stroke, ah ha! Fuck, that's what we'll call it, a 'stroke'! 'Cause every time you miss, you feel like you're going to fuckin' die! Oh great! And here's the better part, oh fuck, this is brilliant. Right near the end, I'll put a flat piece, with a little flag to give you fuckin' hope. But then I'll put in a pool and a sandbox to fuck with your ball again! Ah, you'll be there trashing your ass, jerking your way in the sand, ah ha!" Oh, and you do this one time? "FUCK NOOOO! EIGHTEEN FUCKIN' TIMES!"

* I want [[w:Andrés Cantor|the guy who does Mexican soccer]] to do golf one time. "The ball is starting…the ball is going to the…HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE!" Just to see all those old WASPy motherfuckers go "Oh dear Christ! My God, they're not gardening, they're playing now, oh shit! What the hell are we gonna do?" Because that was their last domain of dominance. It was their area, they were the king, up until…[[w:Tiger Woods|Tiger]]. Yesss. Son of a black man and a Thai woman, not even a German geneticist could've thought that one up!

* Now, at the airports, if you're heavily pierced, like some of my friends, it's like, ''(steps forward)'' "BZZT!" "Please remove anything from your pockets." Tip of the iceberg. ''(pantomimes removing various piercings from the ears, nose, eyebrows, lips; then reaches to the side, grabs an imaginary drill, points it at his crotch and makes a drilling noise)'' For those playing the home game, this is what's known as a Prince Albert. And I'm sure that was his last wish. "Victoria, I'm dying…I want you to name a museum, a performance hall, and a [[w:Prince Albert (genital piercing)|bolt through the cock]] after me…and that will be [[w:Victoria's Secret|Victoria's Secret]]."

* What kind of food did we drop on Afghanistan? Pop-Tarts, peanut butter…just add a Honey Baked Ham and you've got a redneck Christmas. Why are we dropping this food on Afghanistan? Tastes a hell of a lot better than dirt, #1. #2, difficult to have a call to jihad with a mouth full of peanut butter. Thirdly, Afghanistan is a hashish-smoking culture, and anyone who's ever been a friend of the hookah will go, (intense, stoned stare) "Pop-Tarts!"

* As beatific as [[Gandhi]] was, I'm sure there was some guy in a Bombay bar going, "I knew Gandhi…he was a prick. He was sucking down a pork hot dog, hitting on [[Mother Teresa]]. He kept saying, "Who's your diaper daddy? Who's your diaper daddy?"

* One of the fundamental things is in a jihad. That sounds like a country western term like, "Jiii-had!"

===''Weapons of Self Destruction'' (2010)===
* Welcome to Washington, D.C., where the buck stops here! Way to go. And then it's [[w:2008 Bank Bailout|handed out to AIG and many other people]].

* And you know that if they [[w:Marijuana|legalize it]], they'll have to regulate it, which means that they'll have to put a message on a box of joints, it'll say, "Surgeon General has determined this will make your music...'''awesome'''! Even Yanni. And if you think you liked cartoons ''before''..."

* There is one man that we can run for office that even the French would say "Fuck off!" That man...is [[w:Jack Nicholson|Jack Nicholson]]. Yes! You will never have a sex scandal with Jack because he has fucked ''everyone''!

* And if you're looking for [[Sarah Palin]]'s [[w:Going Rogue: An American Life|new book]], it is a bitch to find! I found it somewhere between fiction and non-fiction, in the fantasy aisle.

* My favorite athletes of any Olympics are always the African distance runners. You ''never'' have to drug test an African distance runner.
:"Are you on drugs?"
:"No, I'm looking for food."
:And I'm sure in Kenya they have a ''chicken'' that can run a sub 2-hour marathon....One of my favorite runners of all time was [[w:Abebe Bikila|Abebe Bikila]]. He was an Ethiopian distance runner and he won the Rome Olympics ''[marathon]'' running barefoot. He was then sponsored by Adidas. He ran the next Olympics, he ''carried the fuckin' shoes.'' No performance enhancement there.

* I walked into my son's room the other day, and he's got four screens going at the same time. He's watching a movie on one screen, playing a game on another, downloading something on this one, texting on that one, people say "He's got ADD." Fuck that, he's multitasking.

* When I was growing up they used to say, "Robin, drugs can kill you." Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me, "Robin, you need drugs to live." I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer...

* These drugs have side effects that go on for fuckin' days, like tendency-to-grow-another-head, oh my God! When ''we'' were growing up we knew the side effects of the drugs we were taking. Cocaine, side effects were paranoia, ninjas-on-the-lawn; quaaludes, side effects were talking in tongues, English as a second language; marijuana, side effects were laughter, Frosted Flakes.

* You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

* We still have great comedy out there. There's always ramblin' [[Joe Biden]]. What the fuck? Joe says shit that even people with [[Wikipedia:Tourette syndrome|Tourette's]] go "no..."

* Cheney [[w:Dick Cheney hunting incident|shot a man in the face]] hunting quail. I don't know about East coast quail, but California quail are this fucking big. ''(indicates a position about a foot above the stage floor)''

* In the midst of all this, there was [[w:Bernard Madoff|Bernie Madoff]]. An embezzler named "made off." Hmm. Was the name not a clue? Did he have to be with the accounting firm of Dewey, Fuckyou, and Howe?

* Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude?

* I went to rehab [for alcoholism] in wine country, just to keep my options open.

* I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, "Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?" And I said, "Did you ever think you [[w:Holocaust|killed all the funny people]]?"

* They made porn movies, of my movies! ''[[Good Will Hunting|Good Will Humping]]''? It's okay... ''[[What Dreams May Come (film)|Wet Dreams May Cum]]''? All right... ''[[Patch Adams (film)|Snatch Adams]]''? That was '''scary'''. A clown with a strap-on. ''[[Popeye (film)|Popeye]]''... I would watch that. "Ag-gag-gag-ga, I creamed me spinach!"

* Twitter broke the other day, and a lot of people were going, "My Thumbs! My thumbs are moving for no reason! What's that?" "A book". <hissing noise> "Who are you?" "Dad. I miss you. Let's ''talk''."

* Okay, let's look at the weather map...(screen behind him shows a massive cyclone) ...FUCK! This is Hurricane Siobhan, this map represents the entire south, the [[w:Eye (cyclone)|asshole in the middle]] is Dallas...um, back to you, Ted, I think I just shit myself.

* There was one guy that had an amazing claim to fame, in terms of drugs and sports. And his name was [[Wikipedia:Dock Ellis|Dock Ellis]]. And Dock Ellis did an incredible thing. The one person who knows, thank you. Dock Ellis pitched a [[Wikipedia:No-hitter|no-hitter]] on LSD. Those of you who have taken LSD, tell the others how hard that might be. If I took LSD, I'd be talking to every blade of grass like <tiptoes across the stage> "Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!"

* ''[regarding Sarah Palin]'' "I know about Russia because I can see it from my front yard!" You have amazing eyesight, number one... Well, I can see San Quentin from my house, but that doesn't make me an expert on prison reform.

* [[Catherine the Great]], [[Golda Meir]], [[Indira Gandhi]]: These may not be women you'd want to fuck, but you definitely don't want to fuck ''with them''. And if you don't think [[Margaret Thatcher|a woman]] can handle a war, [[w:Falklands War|ask the Argentinians]].

* Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer: You can do it, just not as well as the others, really.

==Quotes about Williams==
[[File:Williams Tweeden.jpg|thumb| Playing one character at a time, for months on end, didn’t properly exploit Williams’ unique gift of being everyone at once. ~ [[w:Richard Corliss|Richard Corliss]] ]]
[[File:Empreintes Robbin Williams.jpg|thumb|What hurts most about the apparent [[suicide]] of Robin Williams is that as much as he achieved, he [[died]] in his own [[mind]] unfulfilled. ~ [[w:David Edelstein|David Edelstein]] ]]
[[File:Robin Williams in 2008.jpg|thumb|I don't think I've met anyone as exceptional as Robin was ... every [[moment]] ... could be explosive ''any'' which-way, you didn't know where it was going to go — you didn't know even where it came from — he seemed to be able to channel the [[Cosmos]], and at the same time he was always totally involved with the people around him, he really had a close touch with everybody he touched. ~ [[Terry Gilliam]] ]]
[[File:Robin Williams 2011 (2).jpg|thumb|When the gods ''gift you'' with the type of talent Robin had, there's a price to pay, there always is — it doesn’t come from [[nothing]], It comes from … probably deep problems inside, a concern, all sorts of [[fears]], and yet he could always channel those things and turn them into something gold… ~ [[Terry Gilliam]] ]]
[[File:Bill Maher in Fuck film.jpg|thumb|You could just tell there was a [[humanity]] in Robin Williams. … I didn’t know him well, but I always thought, there’s a very decent person there. ~ [[Bill Maher]] ]]
[[File:Watchmen Smiley.svg|thumb|[[w:Joel Silver|Joel Silver]] set his sights on developing … ''[[Watchmen]]'' into a feature film … Rumors swirled at the time … that … Robin Williams, fresh off his role as a delusional but sprightly vagabond in Gilliam’s ''[[The Fisher King]]'', could be tapped as Rorschach. ~ Kevin McFarland]]
[[File:Rorschach like Inkblot.svg|thumb|"Treatment is simple. The [[great]] [[clown]], [[w:Pagliacci|Pagliacci]], is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up". Man bursts into tears. "But doctor", he says, "I am Pagliacci." Good [[joke]]. Everybody [[laugh]] ~ [[Watchmen (film)|''Watchmen'']] based on the novel by [[Alan Moore]] ]]
[[File:Christopher Reeve MIT cropped.jpg|thumb| Robin is a person who gives to people 24 hours a day. The [[gift]] of [[joy]], the gift of [[laughter]]. Just to be in a room with Robin Williams is a privilege. He’s a gift to the [[world]]. ~ [[Christopher Reeve]] ]]
[[File:Olde Woolen Mill, North Berwick 2.jpg|thumb|He arrived in our [[lives]] as an alien – but he ended up touching every element of the [[human]] [[spirit]]. ~ [[Barack Obama]] ]]
[[File:Zelda Williams.jpg|thumb|Not just my [[world]], but the entire world is forever a little darker, less colorful and less full of [[laughter]] in his absence. We’ll just have to work twice as hard to fill it back up again. ~ [[w:Zelda Williams|Zelda Williams]] ]]

* '''Genie, you're free.'''
** [https://twitter.com/TheAcademy/status/498996314395246593 Tweet from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences (11 Aug 2014)], soon after news of William's death, accompanying an image of the Genie in the film [[Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'' (1992)]], which which was voiced by Williams.

* '''Robin Williams was a wonderful, kind and generous man.''' One important thing I remember about his personality is that he was unassuming — he never acted as if he was powerful or famous. Instead, he was always tender and welcoming, willing to help others with a smile or a joke. Robin was a brilliant comedian — there is no doubt. He was a compassionate, caring human being. While watching him work on the set of the film based on my life — ''[[Patch Adams (film)|Patch Adams]]'' — I saw that whenever there was a stressful moment, Robin would tap into his improvisation style to lighten the mood of cast and crew. … Contrary to how many people may view him, he actually seemed to me to be an introvert. When he invited me and my family into his home, he valued peace and quiet, a chance to breathe — a chance to get away from the fame that his talent has brought him. … I’m enormously grateful for his wonderful performance of my early life, which has allowed the Gesundheit Institute to continue and expand our work.
** [[Patch Adams]], in [http://time.com/3105119/robin-williams-dead-patch-adams-remembers/ "Patch Adams: ‘Thank You for All You’ve Given This World Robin, Thank You My Friend’" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* For years, we had watched with awe as a Niagara of wit poured from his unconscious. Where did that manic waterfall of funny have its source? … Unfortunately, sometimes the mind that runs so fast it can’t keep up with itself also has its downtime. '''I didn’t know he suffered from depression, although it doesn’t surprise me. But it makes me want to do something. I hope it makes us all want to do something.'''
** [[Alan Alda]], as quoted in "Remembering Robin Williams (1951–2014)" in ''TIME'' (13 August 2014)]

* '''There were jokes of his that made me laugh hard, but it was the going from one thing to another, making those connections.''' It’s like how you watch an improv group take suggestions. It was like Robin had the most brilliant audience inside his head throwing out suggestions, because he would put combinations together that were just crazy.''' And how he could work out of the [[moment]]. That working out of the moment is a gift, but he did it on another level.''' … He’s gonna be missed. There’s a hole, and it’s gonna take a long time to be filled.
** [[Lewis Black]], in [http://time.com/3104371/robin-williams-dead-lewis-black-remembrance/ in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* Poor Robin Williams, briefly enduring that lonely moment of morbid certainty where it didn’t matter how funny he was or who loved him or how many lachrymose obituaries would be written. '''I feel bad now that I was unduly and unbefittingly snooty about that handful of his films that were adjudged unsophisticated and sentimental. He obviously dealt with a pain that was impossible to render and ultimately insurmountable, the sentimentality perhaps an accompaniment to his childlike brilliance. We sort of accept that the price for that free-flowing, fast-paced, inexplicable comic genius is a counterweight of solitary misery. That there is an invisible inner economy that demands a high price for breathtaking talent.''' … Robin Williams could have tapped anyone in the western world on the shoulder and told them he felt down and they would have told him not to worry, that he was great, that they loved him. He must have known that. He must have known his wife and kids loved him, that his mates all thought he was great, that millions of strangers the world over held him in their hearts, a hilarious stranger that we could rely on to anarchically interrupt, the all-encompassing sadness of the world. '''Today Robin Williams is part of the sad narrative that we used to turn to him to disrupt.''' … we must reach inward and outward to the light that is inside all of us … Do you have time to tune in to Fox News, to cement your angry views to calcify the certain misery? What I might do is watch ''[[Mrs. Doubtfire]]''. Or ''[[Dead Poets Society]]'' or ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'' and I might be nice to people, mindful today how fragile we all are, how delicate we are, even when fizzing with divine madness that seems like it will never expire.
** [[Russell Brand]], in [http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/aug/12/russell-brand-robin-williams-divine-madness-broken-world "Russell Brand: Robin Williams’ divine madness will no longer disrupt the sadness of the world" in ''The Guardian'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''He was the patriarch of our little clan of comedians in San Francisco. All of us looked at him, in a way, as a father figure.''' … He was just very supportive. He was very shy, and possibly a little embarrassed by his fame. Inside, he really was a comic. Naturally, all comics just wanna hang around other comics, so he would come to these little clubs and open mics, and you’d get bumped, and he would go on and you’d have to follow him, which was always really terrifying because he’s so great, and people were so excited to just be in his presence. … I feel like he was a conduit — that everything he was feeding off of his brilliance was really something he was just channeling. But maybe what allowed him to be so humble and what endeared people to him was that humility, and that he would just turn on that brilliance for you. It was the ultimate form of being present, to channel it. I think that he was very spiritual in a lot of ways. I think it’s so unique you can’t emulate it. If you look at the way comedy is, and look at its history, you don’t find anybody like him at all, except for maybe [[w:Jonathan Winters|Jonathan Winters]] is the closest, and he also was a very dreamlike figure.
** [[Margaret Cho]] [http://time.com/3103608/robin-williams-dead-margaret-cho-remembrance/ "Margaret Cho Remembers Robin Williams: He Was a ‘Father Figure’" by Larry Getlen in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* I guarantee you that thousands, hearing of Robin’s death, asked how he could do it when he had everything: fame, wealth, adulation, family love. And another supposed insulator against the worst of the blues, plenty of work. No combination of those adds up to insurance. And the hectic, nerve-wracking ups and downs of fortune in show business are, of course, a major factor for emotional disequilibrium. … '''I know Robin knew this.''' His death recalled a moment with him years ago in a small club. '''He came off stage after bringing a cheering audience to its feet. “Isn’t it funny how I can bring great happiness to all these people,” he said. “But not to myself.” ''' The non-actor has a major advantage because it’s harder to hide the symptoms. The actor knows how to act.
** [[Dick Cavett]], in [http://time.com/3106170/robin-williams-dead-dick-cavett-suicide-depression/ "Dick Cavett: Robin Williams Won’t Be the Last Suicidal Star" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* Robin and I agreed once that it’s galling to hear — when you’re “in it” — the question: “What have you got to be depressed about?” The great British actor and comedian, [[Stephen Fry]], a fellow-sufferer, replies “And what have you got to have asthma about?” Robin, like his idol [[w:Jonathan Winters|Jonathan Winters]], must have had one of the world’s hardest talents with which to live and retain personal balance. Sitting next to him on my old PBS show was like sitting in the Macy’s barge next to the fireworks going off. He was at full, manic, comic frenzy for an hour without let-up. (We even improvised a short [[Shakespeare]] play together, with and without rhymed couplets.) '''I caught his manic energy. It was exhilarating. And exhausting.''' When it ended, I was wet and spent. It took him a while to come (partially) down, and I thought, “Can this be good for anyone? Can you be able to do all these rapid-fire personality changes and emerge knowing who you yourself are?… Some day, will some chemical link be found between great, great performing talent and susceptibility to that awful conqueror of the talented performer? Are the [[gods]] jealous? Do they cruelly envy the greatly gifted and, in the classic Greek manner, smite them low? The somewhat grim answer: '''We’d better enjoy them while we can.'''
** [[Dick Cavett]], in "Dick Cavett: Robin Williams Won’t Be the Last Suicidal Star" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''Playing one character at a time, for months on end, didn’t properly exploit Williams’ unique gift of being everyone at once.''' His true model and mentor was not an [[Laurence Olivier|Olivier]] or [[Marlon Brando|Brando]] but freeform comic [[w:Jonathan Winters|Jonathan Winters]], who also battled to call a truce with the manifold Genie geniuses in his head. … Why does a clown want to play [[Hamlet]]? Maybe because he thinks he is that melancholy soul whom others find amusingly odd. Williams dropped Mork’s na-nu na-nu and entered dramatic film with the lead in ''[[w:The World According to Garp|The World According to Garp]]''. … Williams infused weird wonder in voice roles for animated features — not only ''[[Aladdin (film)|Aladdin]]'' but ''[[Robots]]'' and ''[[Happy Feet]]''. He was a cartoon, with all the characters, in a man’s body. … '''He could play anyone, but not just one: not “just” Robin Williams. All those voices in the head of this comic Hamlet must have told him it was time to be quiet. The rest is silence.
** [[w:Richard Corliss|Richard Corliss]], in [http://time.com/3102058/robin-williams-dead-remembrance-richard-corliss/ "Robin Williams: The Comic Who Was Hamlet" in ''TIME'' obituary (11 August 2014)]

* On Monday night, as fans around the world began to grieve Robin Williams’s death, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences — best known, in many circles, as the people behind the Oscars — sent out what may be the iconic social media image of Williams’s death. …['''Genie, you're free.'''] … More than 270,000 people have shared the tweet, which means that, per the analytics site Topsy, as many as 69 million people have seen it. The problem? It violates well-established public health standards for how we talk about [[suicide]]. “If it doesn’t cross the line, it comes very, very close to it,” said Christine Moutier, chief medical officer at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. “Suicide should never be presented as an option. That’s a formula for potential contagion.”
** Caitlin Dewey, in [http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2014/08/12/suicide-contagion-and-social-media-the-dangers-of-sharing-genie-youre-free/ "Suicide contagion and social media: The dangers of sharing ‘Genie, you’re free’" in ''The Washington Post'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''What hurts most about the apparent [[suicide]] of Robin Williams is that as much as he achieved, he [[died]] in his own [[mind]] unfulfilled.''' And to an extent, he was unfulfilled — he never found a form that would capture the [[genius]] of his stand-up act or his early appearances on ''[[w:The Tonight Show|The Tonight Show]]'', when his mind worked faster than anyone alive and very possibly dead, when he seemed to be channeling a fleet of circling [[UFO]]s containing the galaxy’s best [[comedy]] [[writers]]. '''The man didn’t need to play a sitcom alien to seem as if he had his own extraterrestrial [[energy]] field.'''
**[[w:David Edelstein|David Edelstein]], in [http://www.vulture.com/2014/08/robin-williams-tribute-obituary.html "Robin Williams, 1951-2014: The Measure of the Man Was Vast" at ''Vulture'' (11 August 2014)]

* '''Williams gave tremendous performances in a handful of movies, but it was Williams bottled and, in most cases, domesticated.''' It didn’t have that free-form, unfettered genius. That said, his nattering sailor in Robert Altman’s messy ''[[Popeye]]'' was musically dazzling. Even more musical was his performance in [[w:Paul Mazursky|Paul Mazursky]]’s ''[[w:Moscow on the Hudson|Moscow on the Hudson]]'', in which the sadness of ''not'' being able to perform was right there in his eyes. … The combination of mania and melancholy tapped something beautiful in him. '''In ''[[The Fisher King]]'', Williams was also at the height of his powers. He knew how to play a man [[dangerously]] in touch with unseen [[forces]], a [[holy]] [[fool]]''', and for once he played opposite actors who were, each in their own way, [[worthy]] of him: [[w:Jeff Bridges|Jeff Bridges]], [[w:Mercedes Ruehl|Mercedes Ruehl]], and, most memorably, [[w:Amanda Plummer|Amanda Plummer]], who should have partnered with him again. We do need to talk about those “domesticated” parts, because they were the ones that won him a huge mainstream audience and, in the case of his avuncular, bearded psychiatrist in ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'', an Oscar. '''This was Williams the crinkle-eyed [[humanist]].''' … The saddest thing is that Williams never found a collaborator who could give him the combination of structure and freedom in which he could thrive … But you know what? You could put together a highlight reel of Williams’s work … and see that the measure of the man was vast. '''Even when his talent was cruelly constricted, his [[soul]] was limitless.'''
**[[w:David Edelstein|David Edelstein]], in "Robin Williams, 1951-2014: The Measure of the Man Was Vast" at ''Vulture'' (11 August 2014)

* '''To the generation of kids who grew up on his movies, Williams was a revelation, a teacher and a lifeline.''' It might seem ridiculous for a generation to claim a universally loved celebrity as their own, but if there was ever a Millennial hero, it was Robin Williams. '''The news that Williams had died, at the age of 63, hit the world like a shockwave yesterday.''' For many older Millennials, like me, who grew up in the ’80s and ’90s, the loss strikes as a particularly hard blow. … Williams’ Dr. Sean Maguire, a counselor who becomes a father-figure to the troubled title character in ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'', punctured even my teenage gloom. He wasn’t jokey, he wasn’t zany, he wasn’t any of the things I had come to associate with Robin Williams, but his warmth was wholly recognizable and I was in awe. And then there’s ''[[Dead Poets Society]]'', one of the ultimate teenage movies … The movie’s plot, which centers on a conservative boys school where a [[radical]] [[teacher]] [[works]] against the [[system]] to inspire his students, is hardly original and I knew that even back then. But the [[zeal]] and [[honesty]] that Williams’ poured into John Keating almost single-handedly elevated the movie from a cliché to an actual [[inspiration]]. Like any teenager, I was a bit disillusioned by school in general, but books and learning and truth were still things that could lure me and Williams’ Keating made a great case for them. To this day, I still can’t resist Williams’ line, “But [[poetry]], [[beauty]], [[romance]], [[love]], these are what we stay [[alive]] for.” '''Yet even with the years of cinematic evidence, I didn’t quite realize how much of an influence Williams had on my generation until today.''' … Everyone seemed to have their own personal memory about watching his films growing up. He was the teacher we always wanted, the baby-sitter we would have loved, the best friend who knew exactly how to make us laugh. It feels like I have always known that Robin Williams was an amazing actor, but I never understood just how amazing. Because looking back on it, I realize that '''his best roles didn’t define him — they helped define us.'''
** Megan Gibson, in [http://time.com/3103255/robin-williams-dead-millennial-hero/ "Why Robin Williams Was a Millennial Hero" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''I don't think I've met anyone as exceptional as Robin was … every moment … could be explosive ''any'' which-way, you didn’t know where it was going to go — you didn’t know even where it came from — he seemed to be able to channel the [[Cosmos]], and at the same time he was always totally involved with the people around him, he really had a close touch with everybody he touched.''' He was absolutely extraordinary. … He seemed to be able to be … a kind of receptor of all knowledge, whatever it was, whether it was in the news, something from an encyclopedia, or from a book, he seemed to ''know'' all of this stuff, and he could then reassemble it, in the most incredible combinations — which was always surprising, funny and … outrageous, really, and I don't know how he did it. … That was always the [[miracle]] of Robin, it was something I've never bean able to explain.
** [[Terry Gilliam]], in video interview, [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-28742837 "Terry Gilliam on the 'miracle of Robin Williams'" at ''BBC News'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''It's just this incredible talent was there that kept him really bright and bouncy… I'm sure on his own, and a lot of times on his own, that wasn't there.''' I think being around people … '''I don’t even think it was even performing at times … I think it was just some [[wondrous]] [[moment]], as this stuff poured out of him, he was exhilarated by it as much as we were, and I think that was so important to Robin.''' And at the same time, he was one of the sweetest people ever walking the planet. '''He really cared about people.''' That's what I found ''amazing'' to be able to see an incredibly huge and complex vision of the world, and yet always, all the individual around him, he was in touch with all the time.
** [[Terry Gilliam]], in "Terry Gilliam on the 'miracle of Robin Williams'" at ''BBC News'' (12 August 2014)

* '''When the gods ''gift you'' with the type of talent Robin had, there's a price to pay, there always is — it doesn’t come from [[nothing]], It comes from … probably deep problems inside, a concern, all sorts of fears, and yet he could always channel those things and turn them into something gold '''… I think that just comes with the territory, frankly.
** [[Terry Gilliam]], in "Terry Gilliam on the 'miracle of Robin Williams'" at ''BBC News'' (12 August 2014)

* '''Robin was a gifted actor and comedian, but he was also a true friend and supporter of our troops.''' From entertaining thousands of service men and women in war zones, to his philanthropy that helped veterans struggling with hidden wounds of war, he was a loyal and compassionate advocate for all who serve this nation in uniform. He will be dearly missed by the men and women of DoD - so many of whom were personally touched by his humor and generosity.
** [[Chuck Hagel]], in [http://www.defense.gov/releases/release.aspx?releaseid=16883 News Release No: NR-424-14 : Statement by Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel on the Passing of Robin Williams (11 August 2014)]

* So many times you meet people they don't impact you. You meet them and they're gracious and they're nice, and then '''there are sometimes when you meet somebody and they say one thing and for the rest of your life you carry that one thing and they don't even know that they impacted your life.''' So here's Robin Williams fully decked out in elephantiasis makeup, like he was the Elephant Man, and we were talking and I'm being super quiet, and he just kind of turns to me and he said, “What's your name?” And I said, “I'm Mila.” And he said, “Yeah? You're on ''[[That '70s Show|'70s]]''?” And then he said, “'''[[Remember]] this [[moment]]. Remember this because things like this don't happen very often. Remember this [[time]].”''' Having somebody of Robin Williams' stature tell me to just acknowledge something meant so much. He didn't ''mentor'' me. He just said, “'''Step back and appreciate this. You're having an amazing time.'''” I was so nervous. And he said, “'''Relax. And don't forget to enjoy yourself because things like this don't happen to everyone.'''” … All he did was say, "Enjoy yourself and don't forget this." Like: "'''Just take a breath and acknowledge that you have an amazing opportunity.'''” 
** [[w:Mila Kunis|Mila Kunis]], as quoted in [http://www.esquire.com/blogs/news/mila-kunis-robin-williams "Robin Williams' Advice to Mila Kunis: 'Remember This Moment'" in ''Esquire'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''Robin and I had a nice friendly relationship. I can’t claim I knew him well, but honestly, I don’t know how many people did.''' He seemed like the kind of guy who didn’t open up to a lot of people. … The thing about Robin that I loved the most — and again, with limited experience — is that when he did my show, he was so great at it, because he was able to achieve something that eludes a lot of comedians who have tried to do ''[[Real Time with Bill Maher|Real Time]]''. It’s not an easy show to do because you have to be very smart about politics. We don’t use a lot of show business people on the panel. I can name the show business people who can do it on a couple of hands — [[Ben Affleck]], [[George Clooney]], [[w:Alec Baldwin|Alec Baldwin]], [[Kerry Washington]] — people who are very politically aware and involved, and that is their passion.… But Robin did the panel, and he was able to both modulate his normal manic persona down to what was appropriate for the show he was doing, and also, completely still be Robin Williams. That is not an easy trajectory to find, and he did, and I always loved him for it. First of all, it means you’re humble — that you understand that you have to shape-shift a little to the show you’re doing. Some people don’t do that. Some people just refuse to do that. They wanna be exactly who they are, on whatever show they’re doing. I don’t agree with that. I think when you’re the guest, you have to bend a little. He did that. '''He was still Robin Williams, but he was exactly right for the show he was doing.'''
** [[Bill Maher]], in [http://time.com/3105100/robin-williams-dead-bill-maher/ "Bill Maher: ‘You Could Just Tell There Was a Humanity in Robin Williams’" by Larry Getlen, in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''His style, when it came on the scene, looked completely new to people, and in many ways it was. He was fast and furious, and I think there’s something else that’s behind there that you can’t really quantify or define, but you could just tell there was a [[humanity]] in Robin Williams.''' He seems like a genuinely nice guy, like a good person who cares and tries to give back to the community. Some people, you get the impression that they’re putting on an act all the time. I didn’t get that impression with Robin Williams. I didn’t know him well, but I always thought, there’s a very decent person there.
** [[Bill Maher]], in ‘You Could Just Tell There Was a Humanity in Robin Williams’" by Larry Getlen, in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)

* In the late 1980’s, film producer [[w:Joel Silver|Joel Silver]] set his sights on developing [[Alan Moore]] and [[w:Dave Gibbons|Dave Gibbons]]’ massively successful graphic novel ''[[Watchmen]]'' into a feature film with director [[Terry Gilliam]]. '''Rumors swirled at the time''', and the 2005 ''Entertainment Weekly'' oral history of the project confirmed that [[Arnold Schwarzenegger]] was in line for Dr. Manhattan, [[w:Richard Gere|Richard Gere]] showed interest, and '''Robin Williams, fresh off his role as a delusional but sprightly vagabond in Gilliam’s ''[[The Fisher King]]'', could be tapped as Rorschach.''' During the hellish development, which would bounce between studios and producers for decades until [[w:Zach Snyder|Zach Snyder]]’s film hit theaters five years ago, casting attention switched from Williams to [[w:Brad Dourif|Brad Dourif]], allegedly due to wariness over fan perception that Williams was unsuitable for the part. Going in a direction away from a captivating comedic performer with overtones of chained darkness looked foolish when [[w:Michael Keaton|Michael Keaton]] proved an excellent Batman as that comic franchise dominated the box office. And that criticism seems even more baseless decades later, after ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'', ''[[Insomnia (2002 film)|Insomnia]]'', ''[[One Hour Photo]]'', and many other films that proved Williams’ heft. '''Rorschach, a deeply haunted man with an ever-changing mask that doesn’t hide an unmistakable [[voice]], [[now]] seems like it would have been a [[perfect]] fit.''' There’s little point in rueing a missed opportunity from 25 years ago. But in the aftermath of Williams’ death at his Bay Area home yesterday, '''many people were quick to point to a moment in ''Watchmen'' when Rorschach sneeringly recites a grim joke about a depressed man who seeks help from a doctor, which now rings frighteningly true:'''
:: ''I heard a joke once. Man goes to doctor, says he's depressed. Life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. '''Doctor says "Treatment is simple. The [[great]] [[clown]], [[w:Pagliacci|Pagliacci]], is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up". Man bursts into tears. "But doctor", he says, "I am Pagliacci." '''Good [[joke]]. Everybody [[laugh]]. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.''
:* Kevin McFarland, in [http://boingboing.net/2014/08/12/remembering-robin-williams-ci.html "Remembering Robin Williams, cinema's Rorschach test" at ''BOING BOING'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''Though a terrifically engaging screen presence at his most gregarious and joke-focused, he had to chops to be just as mesmerizing when muted, which would only draw out tension for the moment when he could turn on the jets and shift to full bombast.''' I’m not sure I can think of another actor with Williams’ combined dominant traits: instantly recognizable for his warmth and energy, fiercely multitalented, flying between understated and exuberant emotional extremes in comedy and drama, and yet maligned whenever the unpredictable balance he struck in a given performance didn’t match the critical ideal. In that way his Academy Award for ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'' in 1997 is both the peak of his control and the most patronizing harness of his career. Here is your reward for taking the raging combustion, powerful as a radiant star, and tamping it down to understated levels while remaining perforated, so that emotional peaks still have a chance to flare out. It was an unhelpful and unjust expectation on an actor who did nothing but give of himself to his performance. …''' it’s too limiting right now to call Robin Williams simply a comedian, despite the tremendous outpouring from the comedy community that continues today. He was an actor, one of the most gifted and adventurous performers of his generation''', and it’s a [[shame]] that it took something like his tragic death to take stock of the possibility that the outsized expectations of an audience could have prevented more people from simply enjoying the effort Williams made in so many films, no matter the critical adjudication.
:* Kevin McFarland, in "Remembering Robin Williams, cinema's Rorschach test" at ''BOING BOING'' (12 August 2014)

* Robin Williams was an airman, a doctor, a genie, a nanny, a president, a professor, a bangarang [[Peter Pan]], and everything in between. But he was one of a kind. '''He arrived in our lives as an alien – but he ended up touching every element of the human spirit. He made us laugh. He made us cry. He gave his immeasurable talent freely and generously to those who needed it most''' – from our troops stationed abroad to the marginalized on our own streets. The Obama family offers our condolences to Robin’s family, his friends, and everyone who found their voice and their verse thanks to Robin Williams.
** [[Barack Obama]], in [http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2014/08/11/statement-president-passing-robin-williams "Statement by the President on the Passing of Robin Williams" (11 August 2014)]

* '''My friendship with Robin Williams is one of the real joys of my life''' … Robin is a person who gives to people 24 hours a day. The gift of joy, the gift of laughter. Just to be in a room with Robin Williams is a privilege. He’s a gift to the world.
** [[Christopher Reeve]], as quoted in [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/08/12/robin-williams-and-christopher-reeve-s-epic-friendship-and-the-greatest-williams-story-ever-told.html "Robin Williams and Christopher Reeve's Epic Friendship and the Greatest Williams Story Ever Told" in ''The Daily Beast'' (12 August 2014)]

* In the wake of Williams' death at his home here Monday, fans around the world have struggled to understand what could have led a man whose thousand-megawatt comic persona had brought so much joy to millions to such depths of despair. But '''Williams' closest friends and colleagues knew well that the beneath his manic, Technicolor exterior, the actor had battled depression for years.''' In recent months — as Williams wrestled with the cancellation of his CBS TV series ''[[The Crazy Ones]]'' and fought to maintain a sobriety that had at times proved fragile — those friends could see that he was losing that fight. …  In early July, Williams checked himself into the Hazelden addiction treatment center in Center City, Minn. He had not fallen off the wagon, his publicist said at the time, but was instead struggling to hold himself together as he crumbled under the weight of depression. 
** Josh Rottenberg, Amy Kaufman and Lee Romney, in [http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/movies/la-et-mn-robin-williams-last-days-20140813-story.html#page=1 "Robin Williams' friends saw signs he was succumbing to depression" in ''The Los Angeles Times'' (13 August 2014)]

* '''This morning, I lost my husband and my best [[friend]], while the world lost one of its most beloved artists and beautiful human beings.''' I am utterly heartbroken. On behalf of Robin's family, we are asking for privacy during our time of profound grief. As he is remembered, it is our hope the focus will not be on Robin's death, but on the countless moments of joy and laughter he gave to millions.
** Susan Schneider, his widow, as quoted in [http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/robin-williams-family-movingly-remembers-725138 Robin Williams' Family Movingly Remembers "A Gentle Soul" Who "Loved to Laugh"] by Gregg Kilday, in ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (12 August 2014)

* Robin Williams was beloved by the U.S. military, perhaps even more so than by the American public. '''He carried [[Bob Hope]]’s mantle as a funny man far from home, often in inhospitable places.''' Throughout his career, Williams made six [[w:USO|USO]] tours to [[Iraq]], [[Afghanistan]], and 11 other countries and performed for 90,000 troops by the time of his final tour in 2010.
** Mark Thompson, in [http://time.com/3103930/robin-williams-military-uso/ "The Military Absolutely Loved Robin Williams" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''The death of Robin Williams this week was a shock, the kind of event that makes people stop, even in the crush of other terrible news from all corners of the globe, and feel a stinging sense of loss for someone they never met.''' That there was the ritual rush of response on Twitter, Facebook, and in online comments, was to be expected. Though Williams had had issues with substance abuse, and made trips to rehab, this wasn't someone who seemed in danger of going over the edge. The idea that a performer who was synonymous with rapid-fire wit and boundless energy would take his own life was at first hard to believe, and then deeply sad. But even as Williams is mourned, the scope of reactions illustrates how wide-ranging his appeal was. … '''this performer known for his anarchic merriment was sometimes at his best when he was most subtle. And Williams' best was something special, and rare, and worth remembering.'''
** Kristi Turnquist, in [http://www.oregonlive.com/movies/index.ssf/2014/08/robin_williams_the_timeless_ap.html "Robin Williams: The timeless appeal of his best movies -- and a memorable TV appearance on 'Louie'" in ''The Oregonian'' (13 August 2014)]

* '''Yesterday, I lost my father and a best friend and the world got a little grayer.''' I will carry his heart with me every day. I would ask those that loved him to remember him by being as gentle, kind, and generous as he would be. '''Seek to bring [[joy]] to the world as he sought.'''
** Zachary Williams, as quoted in [http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/robin-williams-family-movingly-remembers-725138 Robin Williams' Family Movingly Remembers "A Gentle Soul" Who "Loved to Laugh"] by Gregg Kilday, in ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (12 August 2014)

* '''He was always warm, even in his darkest moments.''' While I’ll never, ever understand how he could be loved so deeply and not find it in his heart to stay, there’s minor comfort in knowing our grief and loss, in some small way, is shared with millions. It doesn’t help the pain, but at least it’s a burden countless others now know we carry, and so many have offered to help lighten the load. Thank you for that. To those he touched who are sending kind words, know that one of his favorite things in the world was to make you all laugh. As for those who are sending negativity, know that some small, giggling part of him is sending a flock of pigeons to your house to poop on your car. Right after you’ve had it washed. After all, he loved to laugh too… '''Dad was, is and always will be one of the kindest, most generous, gentlest souls I’ve ever known, and while there are few things I know for certain right now, one of them is that not just my world, but the entire world is forever a little darker, less colorful and less full of laughter in his absence. We’ll just have to work twice as hard to fill it back up again.
** [[w:Zelda Williams|Zelda Williams]], as quoted in [http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/robin-williams-family-movingly-remembers-725138 Robin Williams' Family Movingly Remembers "A Gentle Soul" Who "Loved to Laugh"] by Gregg Kilday, in ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (12 August 2014)

* When he auditioned for the role of Mork from Ork on ''[[Happy Days]]'' (1974), producer [[w:Garry Marshall|Garry Marshall]] told him to sit down. '''Williams immediately sat on his head on the chair.''' Marshall hired him, saying that he was the only alien who auditioned. During the making of ''[[Mork & Mindy]]'' (1978), '''Williams departed from the scripts and ad libbed so many times and so well, that the producers stopped trying to make him stick to the script and deliberately left gaps in the later scripts leaving only, "Mork can go off here" in those places so Robin could improvise.''' … Asked by [[w:James Lipton|James Lipton]] about what he would like [[God]] to say when he arrives in [[heaven]], Williams answered that "There is a seat in the front" in the concert of [[Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart]] and [[Elvis Presley]].
** [http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/latest-news/odd-facts-about-robin-williams/story-fn3dxix6-1227021946139?nk=a7a4029d84365fedfec8d502e2787d1a "Odd facts about Robin Williams" in ''The Australian'' (12 August 2014)]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

* {{official website|http://www.robinwilliams.com}}
* {{IMDb name|245}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Williams, Robin}}
[[Category:2014 deaths]]
[[Category:Stand-up comedians]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:American stand-up comedians]]
[[Category:American actors]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:People from Illinois]]
[[Category:Anglicans]]

Robin Williams

2016-08-10T02:19:58Z

StjJackson:

[[File:Robin Williams 2011a (2).jpg |thumb|[[Comedy]] can be a [[cathartic]] way to deal with [[personal]] [[trauma]].]]
'''[[w:Robin Williams|Robin McLaurin Williams]]''' ([[July 21]], [[1951]] – [[August 11]], [[2014]]) was an [[w:United States|American]] stand-up comedian, actor, director, producer, writer, singer, voice artist, and comedian. From Scott Sager.
Thank you for showing so many. They way of life and love.

==Quotes==
[[File:Defense.gov News Photo 041214-A-4934L-1562.jpg|thumb|You're only given a little spark of madness and if you lose that, you're [[nothing]].]]
[[File:Robin Williams Canada.jpg|thumb|I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."]]
[[File:Robin Williams.jpg|thumb|right|You have the right to bear arms, you have the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!]]
[[File:Robin Williams Aviano.jpg|thumb|Unless you're passing a bowling ball, I don't think so.]]
[[File:Robin williams uso.jpg|thumb|And if you want a linguistic adventure, go [[drinking]] with a Scotsman. 'Cause you can't fuckin' [[understand]] them ''before!'']]
[[File:Robin Williams in Camp Phoenix.jpg|thumb|Some people say [[Jesus]] wasn't [[Jewish]]. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents! Come on! He [[work]]s in his [[father]]'s [[business]], his [[Mother|mom]] thought he was [[God]]'s [[gift]]! He's Jewish! Give it up!]]
[[File:Robin Williams Bahrain.jpg|thumb|What kind of [[food]] did we drop on [[Afghanistan]]? Pop-Tarts, peanut butter... just add a Honey Baked Ham and you've got a redneck [[Christmas]].]]
[[File:Robin Williams 2008.jpg|thumb|In the midst of all this, there was [[w:Bernard Madoff|Bernie Madoff]]. An embezzler named "made off." Hmm. Was the [[name]] not a [[clue]]? Did he have to be with the [[accounting]] firm of Dewey, Fuckyou, and Howe?]]
[[File:Happy Feet Premiere (307985736).jpg|thumb|[[Catherine the Great]], [[Golda Meir]], [[Indira Gandhi]]: These may not be women you'd want to fuck, but you definitely don't want to fuck ''with them.'' And if you don't think a [[Margaret Thatcher|woman]] can [[w:Falklands War|handle a war]], ask the Argentinians.]]
[[File:Robin Williams.jpg|thumb|One of the fundamental things is in a jihad! That sounds like a country western term like, "Jiii-had!"]]


* '''I would like to do for you now, a Japanese science fiction movie: "Attack of the Killer Vibrators."''' 
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH7crqRvhhc Performance at the L.A. Improv (1977)]

* Before I go on, I want to ask if there are any [[w:Hell's Angels|Hell's Angels]] here tonight? ''[no response]'' … Those pussy-whipped faggots!
** Performance at the L.A. Improv (1977)

* I would like to do [[Shakespeare]]'s only unknown piece, ''That's the Way I Lick It'' ... It's a bleak night my Lord. '''Look! The [[moon]] like a testicle hangs low in the sky. This bodes not well.''' ... Anon, post-haste, let's get a larger crowd in here. Free Cocaine! There's no luck. Does anyone have drugs to ease my pain? My Kingdom for a Quaalude! … It is the end! I must go, for I cannot come here, and yet, it has been brief, 'tis over, and the lights do turn bright. ''I'm melting! [[James_Clavell#The_Fly_.281958.29|Help me! Help me!]]'' 
** Performance at the L.A. Improv (1977)

*  '''You're only given a little spark of madness and if you lose that, you're [[nothing]].'''
** ''A Night at the Roxy'' (1978)

* [[Death]] is [[nature]]'s way of saying, "Your table is ready."
** As quoted in ''The Fourth—And by Far the Most Recent—637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said'' (1990) edited by Robert Byrne, p, 518

* '''Parry is a man with a previous life that was so damaged that he had to create another [[personality]].''' … It's like post-traumatic stress syndrome: Some [[people]] respond to traumatic or tragic events by withdrawal; some even create other personalities. '''Parry is a creation — somewhat [[w:Don Quixote|Don Quixote]], somewhat [[Groucho Marx]] — but he's a creation designed to avoid a past event.'''
** On his role in ''[[The Fisher King]]'' (1991), as quoted in [http://www.smart.co.uk/dreams/fkprod1.htm "Dreams: ''The Fisher King''" (2006) edited by Phil Stubbs]

* '''[[Comedy]] can be a [[cathartic]] way to deal with [[personal]] [[trauma]].'''
** [http://parade.condenast.com/154817/dotsonrader/robin-williams-on-returning-to-tv-getting-sober-and-downsizing-in-his-60s/ "Robin Williams on Returning to TV, Getting Sober, and Downsizing in His 60s", ''Parade'' (12 September 2013)]

===''Reality...What a Concept'' (1979)===
* I'd like to start the show by showing you something I'm very proud of. You'll have to step back, though.

* ''[spoofing [[Fred Rogers|Mr. Rogers]]]'' It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood... oh, damn, someone stole my sneakers. Let's do some wonderful things today, boys and girls; but first, do you mind if I take some more medication? It helps the day go a little bit slower. There we go. Now we're gonna do some wonderful experiments you can do around the house. Let's put Mr. Hamster in the microwave, okay?... He knows where he's going. BEEP! ''Pop'' goes the weasel! That's severe radiation. Can you say "severe radiation"? Oh, look, you got a little balloon now.

* ''[as a Shakespearean narrator]'' Mind not my words — Let the ''play'' be the thing. I'll get back forth and touch myself anon.

* I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."

* There was an old, crazy dude who used to live a long time ago. His name was Lord Buckley. And he said, a long time ago, he said, "People: They're kinda like flowers and it's been a privilege walking in your garden." My love goes with you.

===''[[w:A Night at the Met|A Night at the Met]]'' (1986)===
* My God, what am I doing here? It's weird. How do you get to the Met? Money! Lots and lots of money! I can imagine [[w:Luciano Pavarotti|Pavarotti]] next door at the improv going, "Two Jews walk into a bar..."

* Beer commercials usually show ''big'' men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's 5:00 in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."

* The sound crapped out for a bit, that's why I'm using [[w:suppository|SupposiSound]]! No one wants their tapes back, I wonder why.

* We were talking briefly about cocaine...yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!

* They call it freebasing. It's not free, it costs you your house! It should be called home basing! Three signs you're addicted to cocaine: First of all, if you come home to your house and you have no furniture and your cat's going "I'm outta here, prick!," Warning! Number two: If you have this dream where you're doing cocaine in your sleep and you can't fall asleep, and you wake up and you're doing cocaine, BINGO! Number three: if on your tax form it says, "$50,000 for snacks," MAYDAY!

* Baseball players have to go in front of a grand jury and say, "Yeah, I did cocaine. Can you blame me? It's a slow goddamn game! Come on Jack! Standing out in left field for seven innings, and there's a long white line going down to home plate! I see the guy putting it out going "Heh heh heh heh!!!!" And that damn organ music too, the whole [does intro to "Charge!"]! Third base coach is always doing this...[wiping nose, fidgeting around]. When he's doing that, I don't know whether to slide or do a line! People sliding into home plate head first, umpire goes, "You're out!" "No, baby, I'm up now! Ha ha ha!"

* The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!

* [On husbands sharing their wives' childbearing experience] Unless you're passing a bowling ball, I don't think so. Unless you're trying to circumcise yourself with a chainsaw, I don't think so. Unless you're opening an umbrella up your ass, I don't think so!

* Thank you. How-DY! Whoops, wrong opera house. How do you like the play, Mr. [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]]? Duck!

* [Comparing [[Ronald Reagan]]'s Cabinet to ''[[Star Wars]]''] There's [[Henry Kissinger]] as Yoda, "Must now cannot see understanding that I be here for you. I will show you now, Nicaragua, Cambodia, Nicaragua, Cambodia, shhh. Must later understand!"

===''[[w:Inside the Actors Studio|Inside the Actors Studio]]'' (2001)===
:Season 7, Episode 15 (10 June 2001)

* The professor was on acid, and sometimes he'd shout, "I'm Lincoln!" And then, there'd be a kid in the back, "I'm [[w:John Wilkes Booth|Booth]]!"

* (On creating) And you get that little endorphin buzz, it's great. Why do you think Einstein looked like that? I don't think he was going "You know this is some dynamite weed! It's all relative you know."

* (Imitating Royal Family) I've tell you we've not been inbred but don't look at the ears. That's all we can do is screw in a light bulb. Look at the teeth, look at the ears and go, something's gone wrong. Gene pool is a jacuzzi back up."

* I'd like to welcome you the [[w:Aircraft Owners and Pilots Association|AOPA]]. There's also aa-AOPA. If this is your first time flying a plane on alcohol, I'd like to welcome ya!

* Imitating [[w:Luciano Pavarotti|Pavarotti]]. "It is amazing I know it is huge. BEHOLD IT. IT IS GROWING. ALL OF MY PHALLUS IS A SHOWING!"

=== ''Robin Williams: Live on Broadway'' (2002)===
* [[Michael Jackson|Michael]] is claiming racism, and I'm like, "Honey, you gotta pick a race first!" What are you claiming, mistreatment of elves? What are you saying?

* And that's when you realize that God gave you a penis and a brain and only enough blood to run one at a time.

* I do know this one thing. I know there is a cure for whatever bioterrorism they send at us. I know there's one. And it lies within [[Keith Richards]], I know that. He is the only man on the planet who can go ''[pantomimes snorting a line of powder]'' "Anthrax? All riiiiight! Doesn't go with my ''E. coli'', but fuck." Keith is the only man who can make the Osbornes look fucking Amish. He's insane! I've seen Keith go to a drug dealer and the drug dealer's like "I'm out, man, I'm sorry. I have nothing left!" Supposedly, he goes to Switzerland and changes his blood, not like one pint, but like a fucking Chevrolet, all of it. I just wanna know, who gets his blood? Some old Swiss man's going "HEIDI! We got to go on tour, you bitch! Got to go pay for Mick's babies! C'mon!" Because I know this: we may all be dead and gone, Keith will still be there with five cockroaches. Keith'll go "You know I smoked your uncle, did you know that? Fucking crazy…"

* And the French! The French have a bomb, too! Maybe they have the Michelin Bomb—ah! Only destroys restaurants under 4 stars! They are one of the only people that still test their bombs! Where do they do it? In the Sahara in the total wasteland? No, fuck off! In Tahiti! In paradise. Why? Because we're French. Oh, look, a Greenpeace boat coming to protest—fuck off. I sink you.

* [''Imitating a Frenchman''] Fuck you, Americans! Uncultured, crass Americans! We hate all of you! Fu—the Germans are here! Hello, Americans! We love you!

* The Swiss…the nice Germans, or as they like to say, the other white race. Now how can you trust an army…how butch is an army that has a wine opener on its knife? "Many of you have never opened Chardonnay under fire! First, you pull the cork out, sniff it, say, 'Meat or fish?', and throw! ''(Military cadence)'' I don't know, but I've been told, Chardonnay must be served cold! Ja!"

* [[George W. Bush|Dubya]] doesn't speak while [[Dick Cheney|Cheney]]'s drinking water. Check that shit out.

* And some people say [[Jesus]] wasn't Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents! Come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift! He's Jewish! Give it up!

* ''[Describing the drinking habits of different ethnic groups]'' You know if you're Irish, you've got a running start that you can do it better than we are. ''[Irish accent]'' You know that because if you're Irish, you know, you'll kick my ass but then you'll fuckin' sing about it afterwards. ''[sings, dances a jig]'' "Oh, the night you said my wife was fat, I knocked you down and shit in your hat!" And then you keep drinking 'til you're in your eighties and you're on a dialysis machine, doing Liverdance and Michael Flatline! ''Beeeeeep!'' And they say the Irish saved civilization, drank a couple of Guinness and forgot where they fuckin' put it, but that's all right. ''[shifting to Japanese accent]'' Here's the drill, and the Japanese? They drink differently than us. It is a different thing where you can be very polite during the day, and all of a sudden you "''arigatou gozaimasu''." And after five Jack Daniels... "TIE A YELLOW RIBBON! Hey, fuckers! Karaoke for asshole with a microphone! Sing, you round-eyed fuck, come on!" ''[shifting to Scottish accent]'' And if you want a linguistic adventure, go drinking with a Scotsman - 'cause you can't fuckin' understand them ''before''!

* And you realize how drunk (Scotsmen) get; they could wear [[w:Kilt|a skirt]] and not care! And how they could invent a sport like golf! ''[Imitating a drunk Scotsman]'' "Here's my idea for a fuckin' sport. I knock a ball in a gopher hole!" Oh, you mean like pool? "Fuck off pool! Not with a straight stick, with a little fucked-up stick! I'll whack a ball and it goes in a gopher hole!" Oh, you mean like croquet? "FUCK CROQUET! I'll put the hole hundreds of yards away! Oh, fuck oh yeah! It's great fun, there! It's a great thing!" Oh, like a bowling thing? "FUCK NOOOOO! Not straight, I put shit in the way! Like trees and bushes and high grass! So you can lose your fuckin' ball and go whackin' away with a fuckin' tire iron! Whackin' away and every time you feel like you're going to have a stroke, ah ha! Fuck, that's what we'll call it, a 'stroke'! 'Cause every time you miss, you feel like you're going to fuckin' die! Oh great! And here's the better part, oh fuck, this is brilliant. Right near the end, I'll put a flat piece, with a little flag to give you fuckin' hope. But then I'll put in a pool and a sandbox to fuck with your ball again! Ah, you'll be there trashing your ass, jerking your way in the sand, ah ha!" Oh, and you do this one time? "FUCK NOOOO! EIGHTEEN FUCKIN' TIMES!"

* I want [[w:Andrés Cantor|the guy who does Mexican soccer]] to do golf one time. "The ball is starting…the ball is going to the…HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE!" Just to see all those old WASPy motherfuckers go "Oh dear Christ! My God, they're not gardening, they're playing now, oh shit! What the hell are we gonna do?" Because that was their last domain of dominance. It was their area, they were the king, up until…[[w:Tiger Woods|Tiger]]. Yesss. Son of a black man and a Thai woman, not even a German geneticist could've thought that one up!

* Now, at the airports, if you're heavily pierced, like some of my friends, it's like, ''(steps forward)'' "BZZT!" "Please remove anything from your pockets." Tip of the iceberg. ''(pantomimes removing various piercings from the ears, nose, eyebrows, lips; then reaches to the side, grabs an imaginary drill, points it at his crotch and makes a drilling noise)'' For those playing the home game, this is what's known as a Prince Albert. And I'm sure that was his last wish. "Victoria, I'm dying…I want you to name a museum, a performance hall, and a [[w:Prince Albert (genital piercing)|bolt through the cock]] after me…and that will be [[w:Victoria's Secret|Victoria's Secret]]."

* What kind of food did we drop on Afghanistan? Pop-Tarts, peanut butter…just add a Honey Baked Ham and you've got a redneck Christmas. Why are we dropping this food on Afghanistan? Tastes a hell of a lot better than dirt, #1. #2, difficult to have a call to jihad with a mouth full of peanut butter. Thirdly, Afghanistan is a hashish-smoking culture, and anyone who's ever been a friend of the hookah will go, (intense, stoned stare) "Pop-Tarts!"

* As beatific as [[Gandhi]] was, I'm sure there was some guy in a Bombay bar going, "I knew Gandhi…he was a prick. He was sucking down a pork hot dog, hitting on [[Mother Teresa]]. He kept saying, "Who's your diaper daddy? Who's your diaper daddy?"

* One of the fundamental things is in a jihad. That sounds like a country western term like, "Jiii-had!"

===''Weapons of Self Destruction'' (2010)===
* Welcome to Washington, D.C., where the buck stops here! Way to go. And then it's [[w:2008 Bank Bailout|handed out to AIG and many other people]].

* And you know that if they [[w:Marijuana|legalize it]], they'll have to regulate it, which means that they'll have to put a message on a box of joints, it'll say, "Surgeon General has determined this will make your music...'''awesome'''! Even Yanni. And if you think you liked cartoons ''before''..."

* There is one man that we can run for office that even the French would say "Fuck off!" That man...is [[w:Jack Nicholson|Jack Nicholson]]. Yes! You will never have a sex scandal with Jack because he has fucked ''everyone''!

* And if you're looking for [[Sarah Palin]]'s [[w:Going Rogue: An American Life|new book]], it is a bitch to find! I found it somewhere between fiction and non-fiction, in the fantasy aisle.

* My favorite athletes of any Olympics are always the African distance runners. You ''never'' have to drug test an African distance runner.
:"Are you on drugs?"
:"No, I'm looking for food."
:And I'm sure in Kenya they have a ''chicken'' that can run a sub 2-hour marathon....One of my favorite runners of all time was [[w:Abebe Bikila|Abebe Bikila]]. He was an Ethiopian distance runner and he won the Rome Olympics ''[marathon]'' running barefoot. He was then sponsored by Adidas. He ran the next Olympics, he ''carried the fuckin' shoes.'' No performance enhancement there.

* I walked into my son's room the other day, and he's got four screens going at the same time. He's watching a movie on one screen, playing a game on another, downloading something on this one, texting on that one, people say "He's got ADD." Fuck that, he's multitasking.

* When I was growing up they used to say, "Robin, drugs can kill you." Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me, "Robin, you need drugs to live." I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer...

* These drugs have side effects that go on for fuckin' days, like tendency-to-grow-another-head, oh my God! When ''we'' were growing up we knew the side effects of the drugs we were taking. Cocaine, side effects were paranoia, ninjas-on-the-lawn; quaaludes, side effects were talking in tongues, English as a second language; marijuana, side effects were laughter, Frosted Flakes.

* You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

* We still have great comedy out there. There's always ramblin' [[Joe Biden]]. What the fuck? Joe says shit that even people with [[Wikipedia:Tourette syndrome|Tourette's]] go "no..."

* Cheney [[w:Dick Cheney hunting incident|shot a man in the face]] hunting quail. I don't know about East coast quail, but California quail are this fucking big. ''(indicates a position about a foot above the stage floor)''

* In the midst of all this, there was [[w:Bernard Madoff|Bernie Madoff]]. An embezzler named "made off." Hmm. Was the name not a clue? Did he have to be with the accounting firm of Dewey, Fuckyou, and Howe?

* Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude?

* I went to rehab [for alcoholism] in wine country, just to keep my options open.

* I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, "Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?" And I said, "Did you ever think you [[w:Holocaust|killed all the funny people]]?"

* They made porn movies, of my movies! ''[[Good Will Hunting|Good Will Humping]]''? It's okay... ''[[What Dreams May Come (film)|Wet Dreams May Cum]]''? All right... ''[[Patch Adams (film)|Snatch Adams]]''? That was '''scary'''. A clown with a strap-on. ''[[Popeye (film)|Popeye]]''... I would watch that. "Ag-gag-gag-ga, I creamed me spinach!"

* Twitter broke the other day, and a lot of people were going, "My Thumbs! My thumbs are moving for no reason! What's that?" "A book". <hissing noise> "Who are you?" "Dad. I miss you. Let's ''talk''."

* Okay, let's look at the weather map...(screen behind him shows a massive cyclone) ...FUCK! This is Hurricane Siobhan, this map represents the entire south, the [[w:Eye (cyclone)|asshole in the middle]] is Dallas...um, back to you, Ted, I think I just shit myself.

* There was one guy that had an amazing claim to fame, in terms of drugs and sports. And his name was [[Wikipedia:Dock Ellis|Dock Ellis]]. And Dock Ellis did an incredible thing. The one person who knows, thank you. Dock Ellis pitched a [[Wikipedia:No-hitter|no-hitter]] on LSD. Those of you who have taken LSD, tell the others how hard that might be. If I took LSD, I'd be talking to every blade of grass like <tiptoes across the stage> "Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!"

* ''[regarding Sarah Palin]'' "I know about Russia because I can see it from my front yard!" You have amazing eyesight, number one... Well, I can see San Quentin from my house, but that doesn't make me an expert on prison reform.

* [[Catherine the Great]], [[Golda Meir]], [[Indira Gandhi]]: These may not be women you'd want to fuck, but you definitely don't want to fuck ''with them''. And if you don't think [[Margaret Thatcher|a woman]] can handle a war, [[w:Falklands War|ask the Argentinians]].

* Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer: You can do it, just not as well as the others, really.

==Quotes about Williams==
[[File:Williams Tweeden.jpg|thumb| Playing one character at a time, for months on end, didn’t properly exploit Williams’ unique gift of being everyone at once. ~ [[w:Richard Corliss|Richard Corliss]] ]]
[[File:Empreintes Robbin Williams.jpg|thumb|What hurts most about the apparent [[suicide]] of Robin Williams is that as much as he achieved, he [[died]] in his own [[mind]] unfulfilled. ~ [[w:David Edelstein|David Edelstein]] ]]
[[File:Robin Williams in 2008.jpg|thumb|I don't think I've met anyone as exceptional as Robin was ... every [[moment]] ... could be explosive ''any'' which-way, you didn't know where it was going to go — you didn't know even where it came from — he seemed to be able to channel the [[Cosmos]], and at the same time he was always totally involved with the people around him, he really had a close touch with everybody he touched. ~ [[Terry Gilliam]] ]]
[[File:Robin Williams 2011 (2).jpg|thumb|When the gods ''gift you'' with the type of talent Robin had, there's a price to pay, there always is — it doesn’t come from [[nothing]], It comes from … probably deep problems inside, a concern, all sorts of [[fears]], and yet he could always channel those things and turn them into something gold… ~ [[Terry Gilliam]] ]]
[[File:Bill Maher in Fuck film.jpg|thumb|You could just tell there was a [[humanity]] in Robin Williams. … I didn’t know him well, but I always thought, there’s a very decent person there. ~ [[Bill Maher]] ]]
[[File:Watchmen Smiley.svg|thumb|[[w:Joel Silver|Joel Silver]] set his sights on developing … ''[[Watchmen]]'' into a feature film … Rumors swirled at the time … that … Robin Williams, fresh off his role as a delusional but sprightly vagabond in Gilliam’s ''[[The Fisher King]]'', could be tapped as Rorschach. ~ Kevin McFarland]]
[[File:Rorschach like Inkblot.svg|thumb|"Treatment is simple. The [[great]] [[clown]], [[w:Pagliacci|Pagliacci]], is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up". Man bursts into tears. "But doctor", he says, "I am Pagliacci." Good [[joke]]. Everybody [[laugh]] ~ [[Watchmen (film)|''Watchmen'']] based on the novel by [[Alan Moore]] ]]
[[File:Christopher Reeve MIT cropped.jpg|thumb| Robin is a person who gives to people 24 hours a day. The [[gift]] of [[joy]], the gift of [[laughter]]. Just to be in a room with Robin Williams is a privilege. He’s a gift to the [[world]]. ~ [[Christopher Reeve]] ]]
[[File:Olde Woolen Mill, North Berwick 2.jpg|thumb|He arrived in our [[lives]] as an alien – but he ended up touching every element of the [[human]] [[spirit]]. ~ [[Barack Obama]] ]]
[[File:Zelda Williams.jpg|thumb|Not just my [[world]], but the entire world is forever a little darker, less colorful and less full of [[laughter]] in his absence. We’ll just have to work twice as hard to fill it back up again. ~ [[w:Zelda Williams|Zelda Williams]] ]]

* '''Genie, you're free.'''
** [https://twitter.com/TheAcademy/status/498996314395246593 Tweet from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences (11 Aug 2014)], soon after news of William's death, accompanying an image of the Genie in the film [[Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'' (1992)]], which which was voiced by Williams.

* '''Robin Williams was a wonderful, kind and generous man.''' One important thing I remember about his personality is that he was unassuming — he never acted as if he was powerful or famous. Instead, he was always tender and welcoming, willing to help others with a smile or a joke. Robin was a brilliant comedian — there is no doubt. He was a compassionate, caring human being. While watching him work on the set of the film based on my life — ''[[Patch Adams (film)|Patch Adams]]'' — I saw that whenever there was a stressful moment, Robin would tap into his improvisation style to lighten the mood of cast and crew. … Contrary to how many people may view him, he actually seemed to me to be an introvert. When he invited me and my family into his home, he valued peace and quiet, a chance to breathe — a chance to get away from the fame that his talent has brought him. … I’m enormously grateful for his wonderful performance of my early life, which has allowed the Gesundheit Institute to continue and expand our work.
** [[Patch Adams]], in [http://time.com/3105119/robin-williams-dead-patch-adams-remembers/ "Patch Adams: ‘Thank You for All You’ve Given This World Robin, Thank You My Friend’" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* For years, we had watched with awe as a Niagara of wit poured from his unconscious. Where did that manic waterfall of funny have its source? … Unfortunately, sometimes the mind that runs so fast it can’t keep up with itself also has its downtime. '''I didn’t know he suffered from depression, although it doesn’t surprise me. But it makes me want to do something. I hope it makes us all want to do something.'''
** [[Alan Alda]], as quoted in "Remembering Robin Williams (1951–2014)" in ''TIME'' (13 August 2014)]

* '''There were jokes of his that made me laugh hard, but it was the going from one thing to another, making those connections.''' It’s like how you watch an improv group take suggestions. It was like Robin had the most brilliant audience inside his head throwing out suggestions, because he would put combinations together that were just crazy.''' And how he could work out of the [[moment]]. That working out of the moment is a gift, but he did it on another level.''' … He’s gonna be missed. There’s a hole, and it’s gonna take a long time to be filled.
** [[Lewis Black]], in [http://time.com/3104371/robin-williams-dead-lewis-black-remembrance/ in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* Poor Robin Williams, briefly enduring that lonely moment of morbid certainty where it didn’t matter how funny he was or who loved him or how many lachrymose obituaries would be written. '''I feel bad now that I was unduly and unbefittingly snooty about that handful of his films that were adjudged unsophisticated and sentimental. He obviously dealt with a pain that was impossible to render and ultimately insurmountable, the sentimentality perhaps an accompaniment to his childlike brilliance. We sort of accept that the price for that free-flowing, fast-paced, inexplicable comic genius is a counterweight of solitary misery. That there is an invisible inner economy that demands a high price for breathtaking talent.''' … Robin Williams could have tapped anyone in the western world on the shoulder and told them he felt down and they would have told him not to worry, that he was great, that they loved him. He must have known that. He must have known his wife and kids loved him, that his mates all thought he was great, that millions of strangers the world over held him in their hearts, a hilarious stranger that we could rely on to anarchically interrupt, the all-encompassing sadness of the world. '''Today Robin Williams is part of the sad narrative that we used to turn to him to disrupt.''' … we must reach inward and outward to the light that is inside all of us … Do you have time to tune in to Fox News, to cement your angry views to calcify the certain misery? What I might do is watch ''[[Mrs. Doubtfire]]''. Or ''[[Dead Poets Society]]'' or ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'' and I might be nice to people, mindful today how fragile we all are, how delicate we are, even when fizzing with divine madness that seems like it will never expire.
** [[Russell Brand]], in [http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/aug/12/russell-brand-robin-williams-divine-madness-broken-world "Russell Brand: Robin Williams’ divine madness will no longer disrupt the sadness of the world" in ''The Guardian'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''He was the patriarch of our little clan of comedians in San Francisco. All of us looked at him, in a way, as a father figure.''' … He was just very supportive. He was very shy, and possibly a little embarrassed by his fame. Inside, he really was a comic. Naturally, all comics just wanna hang around other comics, so he would come to these little clubs and open mics, and you’d get bumped, and he would go on and you’d have to follow him, which was always really terrifying because he’s so great, and people were so excited to just be in his presence. … I feel like he was a conduit — that everything he was feeding off of his brilliance was really something he was just channeling. But maybe what allowed him to be so humble and what endeared people to him was that humility, and that he would just turn on that brilliance for you. It was the ultimate form of being present, to channel it. I think that he was very spiritual in a lot of ways. I think it’s so unique you can’t emulate it. If you look at the way comedy is, and look at its history, you don’t find anybody like him at all, except for maybe [[w:Jonathan Winters|Jonathan Winters]] is the closest, and he also was a very dreamlike figure.
** [[Margaret Cho]] [http://time.com/3103608/robin-williams-dead-margaret-cho-remembrance/ "Margaret Cho Remembers Robin Williams: He Was a ‘Father Figure’" by Larry Getlen in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* I guarantee you that thousands, hearing of Robin’s death, asked how he could do it when he had everything: fame, wealth, adulation, family love. And another supposed insulator against the worst of the blues, plenty of work. No combination of those adds up to insurance. And the hectic, nerve-wracking ups and downs of fortune in show business are, of course, a major factor for emotional disequilibrium. … '''I know Robin knew this.''' His death recalled a moment with him years ago in a small club. '''He came off stage after bringing a cheering audience to its feet. “Isn’t it funny how I can bring great happiness to all these people,” he said. “But not to myself.” ''' The non-actor has a major advantage because it’s harder to hide the symptoms. The actor knows how to act.
** [[Dick Cavett]], in [http://time.com/3106170/robin-williams-dead-dick-cavett-suicide-depression/ "Dick Cavett: Robin Williams Won’t Be the Last Suicidal Star" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* Robin and I agreed once that it’s galling to hear — when you’re “in it” — the question: “What have you got to be depressed about?” The great British actor and comedian, [[Stephen Fry]], a fellow-sufferer, replies “And what have you got to have asthma about?” Robin, like his idol [[w:Jonathan Winters|Jonathan Winters]], must have had one of the world’s hardest talents with which to live and retain personal balance. Sitting next to him on my old PBS show was like sitting in the Macy’s barge next to the fireworks going off. He was at full, manic, comic frenzy for an hour without let-up. (We even improvised a short [[Shakespeare]] play together, with and without rhymed couplets.) '''I caught his manic energy. It was exhilarating. And exhausting.''' When it ended, I was wet and spent. It took him a while to come (partially) down, and I thought, “Can this be good for anyone? Can you be able to do all these rapid-fire personality changes and emerge knowing who you yourself are?… Some day, will some chemical link be found between great, great performing talent and susceptibility to that awful conqueror of the talented performer? Are the [[gods]] jealous? Do they cruelly envy the greatly gifted and, in the classic Greek manner, smite them low? The somewhat grim answer: '''We’d better enjoy them while we can.'''
** [[Dick Cavett]], in "Dick Cavett: Robin Williams Won’t Be the Last Suicidal Star" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''Playing one character at a time, for months on end, didn’t properly exploit Williams’ unique gift of being everyone at once.''' His true model and mentor was not an [[Laurence Olivier|Olivier]] or [[Marlon Brando|Brando]] but freeform comic [[w:Jonathan Winters|Jonathan Winters]], who also battled to call a truce with the manifold Genie geniuses in his head. … Why does a clown want to play [[Hamlet]]? Maybe because he thinks he is that melancholy soul whom others find amusingly odd. Williams dropped Mork’s na-nu na-nu and entered dramatic film with the lead in ''[[w:The World According to Garp|The World According to Garp]]''. … Williams infused weird wonder in voice roles for animated features — not only ''[[Aladdin (film)|Aladdin]]'' but ''[[Robots]]'' and ''[[Happy Feet]]''. He was a cartoon, with all the characters, in a man’s body. … '''He could play anyone, but not just one: not “just” Robin Williams. All those voices in the head of this comic Hamlet must have told him it was time to be quiet. The rest is silence.
** [[w:Richard Corliss|Richard Corliss]], in [http://time.com/3102058/robin-williams-dead-remembrance-richard-corliss/ "Robin Williams: The Comic Who Was Hamlet" in ''TIME'' obituary (11 August 2014)]

* On Monday night, as fans around the world began to grieve Robin Williams’s death, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences — best known, in many circles, as the people behind the Oscars — sent out what may be the iconic social media image of Williams’s death. …['''Genie, you're free.'''] … More than 270,000 people have shared the tweet, which means that, per the analytics site Topsy, as many as 69 million people have seen it. The problem? It violates well-established public health standards for how we talk about [[suicide]]. “If it doesn’t cross the line, it comes very, very close to it,” said Christine Moutier, chief medical officer at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. “Suicide should never be presented as an option. That’s a formula for potential contagion.”
** Caitlin Dewey, in [http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2014/08/12/suicide-contagion-and-social-media-the-dangers-of-sharing-genie-youre-free/ "Suicide contagion and social media: The dangers of sharing ‘Genie, you’re free’" in ''The Washington Post'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''What hurts most about the apparent [[suicide]] of Robin Williams is that as much as he achieved, he [[died]] in his own [[mind]] unfulfilled.''' And to an extent, he was unfulfilled — he never found a form that would capture the [[genius]] of his stand-up act or his early appearances on ''[[w:The Tonight Show|The Tonight Show]]'', when his mind worked faster than anyone alive and very possibly dead, when he seemed to be channeling a fleet of circling [[UFO]]s containing the galaxy’s best [[comedy]] [[writers]]. '''The man didn’t need to play a sitcom alien to seem as if he had his own extraterrestrial [[energy]] field.'''
**[[w:David Edelstein|David Edelstein]], in [http://www.vulture.com/2014/08/robin-williams-tribute-obituary.html "Robin Williams, 1951-2014: The Measure of the Man Was Vast" at ''Vulture'' (11 August 2014)]

* '''Williams gave tremendous performances in a handful of movies, but it was Williams bottled and, in most cases, domesticated.''' It didn’t have that free-form, unfettered genius. That said, his nattering sailor in Robert Altman’s messy ''[[Popeye]]'' was musically dazzling. Even more musical was his performance in [[w:Paul Mazursky|Paul Mazursky]]’s ''[[w:Moscow on the Hudson|Moscow on the Hudson]]'', in which the sadness of ''not'' being able to perform was right there in his eyes. … The combination of mania and melancholy tapped something beautiful in him. '''In ''[[The Fisher King]]'', Williams was also at the height of his powers. He knew how to play a man [[dangerously]] in touch with unseen [[forces]], a [[holy]] [[fool]]''', and for once he played opposite actors who were, each in their own way, [[worthy]] of him: [[w:Jeff Bridges|Jeff Bridges]], [[w:Mercedes Ruehl|Mercedes Ruehl]], and, most memorably, [[w:Amanda Plummer|Amanda Plummer]], who should have partnered with him again. We do need to talk about those “domesticated” parts, because they were the ones that won him a huge mainstream audience and, in the case of his avuncular, bearded psychiatrist in ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'', an Oscar. '''This was Williams the crinkle-eyed [[humanist]].''' … The saddest thing is that Williams never found a collaborator who could give him the combination of structure and freedom in which he could thrive … But you know what? You could put together a highlight reel of Williams’s work … and see that the measure of the man was vast. '''Even when his talent was cruelly constricted, his [[soul]] was limitless.'''
**[[w:David Edelstein|David Edelstein]], in "Robin Williams, 1951-2014: The Measure of the Man Was Vast" at ''Vulture'' (11 August 2014)

* '''To the generation of kids who grew up on his movies, Williams was a revelation, a teacher and a lifeline.''' It might seem ridiculous for a generation to claim a universally loved celebrity as their own, but if there was ever a Millennial hero, it was Robin Williams. '''The news that Williams had died, at the age of 63, hit the world like a shockwave yesterday.''' For many older Millennials, like me, who grew up in the ’80s and ’90s, the loss strikes as a particularly hard blow. … Williams’ Dr. Sean Maguire, a counselor who becomes a father-figure to the troubled title character in ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'', punctured even my teenage gloom. He wasn’t jokey, he wasn’t zany, he wasn’t any of the things I had come to associate with Robin Williams, but his warmth was wholly recognizable and I was in awe. And then there’s ''[[Dead Poets Society]]'', one of the ultimate teenage movies … The movie’s plot, which centers on a conservative boys school where a [[radical]] [[teacher]] [[works]] against the [[system]] to inspire his students, is hardly original and I knew that even back then. But the [[zeal]] and [[honesty]] that Williams’ poured into John Keating almost single-handedly elevated the movie from a cliché to an actual [[inspiration]]. Like any teenager, I was a bit disillusioned by school in general, but books and learning and truth were still things that could lure me and Williams’ Keating made a great case for them. To this day, I still can’t resist Williams’ line, “But [[poetry]], [[beauty]], [[romance]], [[love]], these are what we stay [[alive]] for.” '''Yet even with the years of cinematic evidence, I didn’t quite realize how much of an influence Williams had on my generation until today.''' … Everyone seemed to have their own personal memory about watching his films growing up. He was the teacher we always wanted, the baby-sitter we would have loved, the best friend who knew exactly how to make us laugh. It feels like I have always known that Robin Williams was an amazing actor, but I never understood just how amazing. Because looking back on it, I realize that '''his best roles didn’t define him — they helped define us.'''
** Megan Gibson, in [http://time.com/3103255/robin-williams-dead-millennial-hero/ "Why Robin Williams Was a Millennial Hero" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''I don't think I've met anyone as exceptional as Robin was … every moment … could be explosive ''any'' which-way, you didn’t know where it was going to go — you didn’t know even where it came from — he seemed to be able to channel the [[Cosmos]], and at the same time he was always totally involved with the people around him, he really had a close touch with everybody he touched.''' He was absolutely extraordinary. … He seemed to be able to be … a kind of receptor of all knowledge, whatever it was, whether it was in the news, something from an encyclopedia, or from a book, he seemed to ''know'' all of this stuff, and he could then reassemble it, in the most incredible combinations — which was always surprising, funny and … outrageous, really, and I don't know how he did it. … That was always the [[miracle]] of Robin, it was something I've never bean able to explain.
** [[Terry Gilliam]], in video interview, [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-28742837 "Terry Gilliam on the 'miracle of Robin Williams'" at ''BBC News'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''It's just this incredible talent was there that kept him really bright and bouncy… I'm sure on his own, and a lot of times on his own, that wasn't there.''' I think being around people … '''I don’t even think it was even performing at times … I think it was just some [[wondrous]] [[moment]], as this stuff poured out of him, he was exhilarated by it as much as we were, and I think that was so important to Robin.''' And at the same time, he was one of the sweetest people ever walking the planet. '''He really cared about people.''' That's what I found ''amazing'' to be able to see an incredibly huge and complex vision of the world, and yet always, all the individual around him, he was in touch with all the time.
** [[Terry Gilliam]], in "Terry Gilliam on the 'miracle of Robin Williams'" at ''BBC News'' (12 August 2014)

* '''When the gods ''gift you'' with the type of talent Robin had, there's a price to pay, there always is — it doesn’t come from [[nothing]], It comes from … probably deep problems inside, a concern, all sorts of fears, and yet he could always channel those things and turn them into something gold '''… I think that just comes with the territory, frankly.
** [[Terry Gilliam]], in "Terry Gilliam on the 'miracle of Robin Williams'" at ''BBC News'' (12 August 2014)

* '''Robin was a gifted actor and comedian, but he was also a true friend and supporter of our troops.''' From entertaining thousands of service men and women in war zones, to his philanthropy that helped veterans struggling with hidden wounds of war, he was a loyal and compassionate advocate for all who serve this nation in uniform. He will be dearly missed by the men and women of DoD - so many of whom were personally touched by his humor and generosity.
** [[Chuck Hagel]], in [http://www.defense.gov/releases/release.aspx?releaseid=16883 News Release No: NR-424-14 : Statement by Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel on the Passing of Robin Williams (11 August 2014)]

* So many times you meet people they don't impact you. You meet them and they're gracious and they're nice, and then '''there are sometimes when you meet somebody and they say one thing and for the rest of your life you carry that one thing and they don't even know that they impacted your life.''' So here's Robin Williams fully decked out in elephantiasis makeup, like he was the Elephant Man, and we were talking and I'm being super quiet, and he just kind of turns to me and he said, “What's your name?” And I said, “I'm Mila.” And he said, “Yeah? You're on ''[[That '70s Show|'70s]]''?” And then he said, “'''[[Remember]] this [[moment]]. Remember this because things like this don't happen very often. Remember this [[time]].”''' Having somebody of Robin Williams' stature tell me to just acknowledge something meant so much. He didn't ''mentor'' me. He just said, “'''Step back and appreciate this. You're having an amazing time.'''” I was so nervous. And he said, “'''Relax. And don't forget to enjoy yourself because things like this don't happen to everyone.'''” … All he did was say, "Enjoy yourself and don't forget this." Like: "'''Just take a breath and acknowledge that you have an amazing opportunity.'''” 
** [[w:Mila Kunis|Mila Kunis]], as quoted in [http://www.esquire.com/blogs/news/mila-kunis-robin-williams "Robin Williams' Advice to Mila Kunis: 'Remember This Moment'" in ''Esquire'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''Robin and I had a nice friendly relationship. I can’t claim I knew him well, but honestly, I don’t know how many people did.''' He seemed like the kind of guy who didn’t open up to a lot of people. … The thing about Robin that I loved the most — and again, with limited experience — is that when he did my show, he was so great at it, because he was able to achieve something that eludes a lot of comedians who have tried to do ''[[Real Time with Bill Maher|Real Time]]''. It’s not an easy show to do because you have to be very smart about politics. We don’t use a lot of show business people on the panel. I can name the show business people who can do it on a couple of hands — [[Ben Affleck]], [[George Clooney]], [[w:Alec Baldwin|Alec Baldwin]], [[Kerry Washington]] — people who are very politically aware and involved, and that is their passion.… But Robin did the panel, and he was able to both modulate his normal manic persona down to what was appropriate for the show he was doing, and also, completely still be Robin Williams. That is not an easy trajectory to find, and he did, and I always loved him for it. First of all, it means you’re humble — that you understand that you have to shape-shift a little to the show you’re doing. Some people don’t do that. Some people just refuse to do that. They wanna be exactly who they are, on whatever show they’re doing. I don’t agree with that. I think when you’re the guest, you have to bend a little. He did that. '''He was still Robin Williams, but he was exactly right for the show he was doing.'''
** [[Bill Maher]], in [http://time.com/3105100/robin-williams-dead-bill-maher/ "Bill Maher: ‘You Could Just Tell There Was a Humanity in Robin Williams’" by Larry Getlen, in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''His style, when it came on the scene, looked completely new to people, and in many ways it was. He was fast and furious, and I think there’s something else that’s behind there that you can’t really quantify or define, but you could just tell there was a [[humanity]] in Robin Williams.''' He seems like a genuinely nice guy, like a good person who cares and tries to give back to the community. Some people, you get the impression that they’re putting on an act all the time. I didn’t get that impression with Robin Williams. I didn’t know him well, but I always thought, there’s a very decent person there.
** [[Bill Maher]], in ‘You Could Just Tell There Was a Humanity in Robin Williams’" by Larry Getlen, in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)

* In the late 1980’s, film producer [[w:Joel Silver|Joel Silver]] set his sights on developing [[Alan Moore]] and [[w:Dave Gibbons|Dave Gibbons]]’ massively successful graphic novel ''[[Watchmen]]'' into a feature film with director [[Terry Gilliam]]. '''Rumors swirled at the time''', and the 2005 ''Entertainment Weekly'' oral history of the project confirmed that [[Arnold Schwarzenegger]] was in line for Dr. Manhattan, [[w:Richard Gere|Richard Gere]] showed interest, and '''Robin Williams, fresh off his role as a delusional but sprightly vagabond in Gilliam’s ''[[The Fisher King]]'', could be tapped as Rorschach.''' During the hellish development, which would bounce between studios and producers for decades until [[w:Zach Snyder|Zach Snyder]]’s film hit theaters five years ago, casting attention switched from Williams to [[w:Brad Dourif|Brad Dourif]], allegedly due to wariness over fan perception that Williams was unsuitable for the part. Going in a direction away from a captivating comedic performer with overtones of chained darkness looked foolish when [[w:Michael Keaton|Michael Keaton]] proved an excellent Batman as that comic franchise dominated the box office. And that criticism seems even more baseless decades later, after ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'', ''[[Insomnia (2002 film)|Insomnia]]'', ''[[One Hour Photo]]'', and many other films that proved Williams’ heft. '''Rorschach, a deeply haunted man with an ever-changing mask that doesn’t hide an unmistakable [[voice]], [[now]] seems like it would have been a [[perfect]] fit.''' There’s little point in rueing a missed opportunity from 25 years ago. But in the aftermath of Williams’ death at his Bay Area home yesterday, '''many people were quick to point to a moment in ''Watchmen'' when Rorschach sneeringly recites a grim joke about a depressed man who seeks help from a doctor, which now rings frighteningly true:'''
:: ''I heard a joke once. Man goes to doctor, says he's depressed. Life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. '''Doctor says "Treatment is simple. The [[great]] [[clown]], [[w:Pagliacci|Pagliacci]], is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up". Man bursts into tears. "But doctor", he says, "I am Pagliacci." '''Good [[joke]]. Everybody [[laugh]]. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.''
:* Kevin McFarland, in [http://boingboing.net/2014/08/12/remembering-robin-williams-ci.html "Remembering Robin Williams, cinema's Rorschach test" at ''BOING BOING'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''Though a terrifically engaging screen presence at his most gregarious and joke-focused, he had to chops to be just as mesmerizing when muted, which would only draw out tension for the moment when he could turn on the jets and shift to full bombast.''' I’m not sure I can think of another actor with Williams’ combined dominant traits: instantly recognizable for his warmth and energy, fiercely multitalented, flying between understated and exuberant emotional extremes in comedy and drama, and yet maligned whenever the unpredictable balance he struck in a given performance didn’t match the critical ideal. In that way his Academy Award for ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'' in 1997 is both the peak of his control and the most patronizing harness of his career. Here is your reward for taking the raging combustion, powerful as a radiant star, and tamping it down to understated levels while remaining perforated, so that emotional peaks still have a chance to flare out. It was an unhelpful and unjust expectation on an actor who did nothing but give of himself to his performance. …''' it’s too limiting right now to call Robin Williams simply a comedian, despite the tremendous outpouring from the comedy community that continues today. He was an actor, one of the most gifted and adventurous performers of his generation''', and it’s a [[shame]] that it took something like his tragic death to take stock of the possibility that the outsized expectations of an audience could have prevented more people from simply enjoying the effort Williams made in so many films, no matter the critical adjudication.
:* Kevin McFarland, in "Remembering Robin Williams, cinema's Rorschach test" at ''BOING BOING'' (12 August 2014)

* Robin Williams was an airman, a doctor, a genie, a nanny, a president, a professor, a bangarang [[Peter Pan]], and everything in between. But he was one of a kind. '''He arrived in our lives as an alien – but he ended up touching every element of the human spirit. He made us laugh. He made us cry. He gave his immeasurable talent freely and generously to those who needed it most''' – from our troops stationed abroad to the marginalized on our own streets. The Obama family offers our condolences to Robin’s family, his friends, and everyone who found their voice and their verse thanks to Robin Williams.
** [[Barack Obama]], in [http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2014/08/11/statement-president-passing-robin-williams "Statement by the President on the Passing of Robin Williams" (11 August 2014)]

* '''My friendship with Robin Williams is one of the real joys of my life''' … Robin is a person who gives to people 24 hours a day. The gift of joy, the gift of laughter. Just to be in a room with Robin Williams is a privilege. He’s a gift to the world.
** [[Christopher Reeve]], as quoted in [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/08/12/robin-williams-and-christopher-reeve-s-epic-friendship-and-the-greatest-williams-story-ever-told.html "Robin Williams and Christopher Reeve's Epic Friendship and the Greatest Williams Story Ever Told" in ''The Daily Beast'' (12 August 2014)]

* In the wake of Williams' death at his home here Monday, fans around the world have struggled to understand what could have led a man whose thousand-megawatt comic persona had brought so much joy to millions to such depths of despair. But '''Williams' closest friends and colleagues knew well that the beneath his manic, Technicolor exterior, the actor had battled depression for years.''' In recent months — as Williams wrestled with the cancellation of his CBS TV series ''[[The Crazy Ones]]'' and fought to maintain a sobriety that had at times proved fragile — those friends could see that he was losing that fight. …  In early July, Williams checked himself into the Hazelden addiction treatment center in Center City, Minn. He had not fallen off the wagon, his publicist said at the time, but was instead struggling to hold himself together as he crumbled under the weight of depression. 
** Josh Rottenberg, Amy Kaufman and Lee Romney, in [http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/movies/la-et-mn-robin-williams-last-days-20140813-story.html#page=1 "Robin Williams' friends saw signs he was succumbing to depression" in ''The Los Angeles Times'' (13 August 2014)]

* '''This morning, I lost my husband and my best [[friend]], while the world lost one of its most beloved artists and beautiful human beings.''' I am utterly heartbroken. On behalf of Robin's family, we are asking for privacy during our time of profound grief. As he is remembered, it is our hope the focus will not be on Robin's death, but on the countless moments of joy and laughter he gave to millions.
** Susan Schneider, his widow, as quoted in [http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/robin-williams-family-movingly-remembers-725138 Robin Williams' Family Movingly Remembers "A Gentle Soul" Who "Loved to Laugh"] by Gregg Kilday, in ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (12 August 2014)

* Robin Williams was beloved by the U.S. military, perhaps even more so than by the American public. '''He carried [[Bob Hope]]’s mantle as a funny man far from home, often in inhospitable places.''' Throughout his career, Williams made six [[w:USO|USO]] tours to [[Iraq]], [[Afghanistan]], and 11 other countries and performed for 90,000 troops by the time of his final tour in 2010.
** Mark Thompson, in [http://time.com/3103930/robin-williams-military-uso/ "The Military Absolutely Loved Robin Williams" in ''TIME'' (12 August 2014)]

* '''The death of Robin Williams this week was a shock, the kind of event that makes people stop, even in the crush of other terrible news from all corners of the globe, and feel a stinging sense of loss for someone they never met.''' That there was the ritual rush of response on Twitter, Facebook, and in online comments, was to be expected. Though Williams had had issues with substance abuse, and made trips to rehab, this wasn't someone who seemed in danger of going over the edge. The idea that a performer who was synonymous with rapid-fire wit and boundless energy would take his own life was at first hard to believe, and then deeply sad. But even as Williams is mourned, the scope of reactions illustrates how wide-ranging his appeal was. … '''this performer known for his anarchic merriment was sometimes at his best when he was most subtle. And Williams' best was something special, and rare, and worth remembering.'''
** Kristi Turnquist, in [http://www.oregonlive.com/movies/index.ssf/2014/08/robin_williams_the_timeless_ap.html "Robin Williams: The timeless appeal of his best movies -- and a memorable TV appearance on 'Louie'" in ''The Oregonian'' (13 August 2014)]

* '''Yesterday, I lost my father and a best friend and the world got a little grayer.''' I will carry his heart with me every day. I would ask those that loved him to remember him by being as gentle, kind, and generous as he would be. '''Seek to bring [[joy]] to the world as he sought.'''
** Zachary Williams, as quoted in [http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/robin-williams-family-movingly-remembers-725138 Robin Williams' Family Movingly Remembers "A Gentle Soul" Who "Loved to Laugh"] by Gregg Kilday, in ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (12 August 2014)

* '''He was always warm, even in his darkest moments.''' While I’ll never, ever understand how he could be loved so deeply and not find it in his heart to stay, there’s minor comfort in knowing our grief and loss, in some small way, is shared with millions. It doesn’t help the pain, but at least it’s a burden countless others now know we carry, and so many have offered to help lighten the load. Thank you for that. To those he touched who are sending kind words, know that one of his favorite things in the world was to make you all laugh. As for those who are sending negativity, know that some small, giggling part of him is sending a flock of pigeons to your house to poop on your car. Right after you’ve had it washed. After all, he loved to laugh too… '''Dad was, is and always will be one of the kindest, most generous, gentlest souls I’ve ever known, and while there are few things I know for certain right now, one of them is that not just my world, but the entire world is forever a little darker, less colorful and less full of laughter in his absence. We’ll just have to work twice as hard to fill it back up again.
** [[w:Zelda Williams|Zelda Williams]], as quoted in [http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/robin-williams-family-movingly-remembers-725138 Robin Williams' Family Movingly Remembers "A Gentle Soul" Who "Loved to Laugh"] by Gregg Kilday, in ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (12 August 2014)

* When he auditioned for the role of Mork from Ork on ''[[Happy Days]]'' (1974), producer [[w:Garry Marshall|Garry Marshall]] told him to sit down. '''Williams immediately sat on his head on the chair.''' Marshall hired him, saying that he was the only alien who auditioned. During the making of ''[[Mork & Mindy]]'' (1978), '''Williams departed from the scripts and ad libbed so many times and so well, that the producers stopped trying to make him stick to the script and deliberately left gaps in the later scripts leaving only, "Mork can go off here" in those places so Robin could improvise.''' … Asked by [[w:James Lipton|James Lipton]] about what he would like [[God]] to say when he arrives in [[heaven]], Williams answered that "There is a seat in the front" in the concert of [[Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart]] and [[Elvis Presley]].
** [http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/latest-news/odd-facts-about-robin-williams/story-fn3dxix6-1227021946139?nk=a7a4029d84365fedfec8d502e2787d1a "Odd facts about Robin Williams" in ''The Australian'' (12 August 2014)]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

* {{official website|http://www.robinwilliams.com}}
* {{IMDb name|245}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Williams, Robin}}
[[Category:2014 deaths]]
[[Category:Stand-up comedians]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:American stand-up comedians]]
[[Category:American actors]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:People from Illinois]]
[[Category:Anglicans]]

Katt Williams

2016-08-10T02:19:43Z

StjJackson:

'''[[w:Katt Williams|Micah Sierra "Katt" Williams]]''' (born [[September 2]], [[1971]]) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, rapper, singer and voice artist.

== Quotes ==
=== ''The Pimp Chronicles, Pt. 1'' (2006) ===
* We got our soldiers fighting gangsta niggas. Them terrorists is gangsta. How the fuck you gonna scare somebody that wanna die? Like: "I'll kill your mothafuckin ass." "Thank you very much." What the fuck? Ask any nigga who ever fought a crackhead. I don't give a fuck how good you think you can fight. You cannot beat a crackhead, nigga, you...''[hits self with microphone, imitating a crackhead falling, gets right back up immediately]'' Crackheads wobble, but they don't fall down. Them mothafuckas'll fight you all night for $11.

* Those mothafuckas is gangstas. They don't be bluffin' neither. We be thinkin' they bluffin', they won't be bluffin'. They'll be right there on National TV just...''[in a stereotypical Iraqi accent]'' "If you are not do, what we are for say to do, tomorrow at Twelve o'clock, we're going to cut off his head." We be at the house like, ''[takes puff of blunt]'' "That's some bullshit, ain't nobody gonna cut off a mothafuckin head on National TV." Very next day at 11:59 they just" ''[covers the lower half of his face with his jacket, looks at the watch and knocks the mic-stand over as if beheading someone]''. We be like "Shit! Play it again, play it again! SHIT!" Them mothafuckas, we can't be bullshiting with them. We gotta get our soldiers away from them mothafuckas.

* You don't believe our government gangsta? Tell me what the Iraqi uniform look like. ''[short pause]'' Don't worry, I'll wait. We ain't killin' they army nigga, we killin' them. We over there killin' niggas in tank tops, sweatpants, flip-flops and a cowboy hat. You shouldn't have been talkin' shit.

* Never in the history of niggadom...

* ''[marijuana dealers]'' Just soon they see you, just, "Nigga, nigga, nigga...nigga. You remember that shit I gave you last week, nigga? It's nothing, nigga. It's nothing. It's nothing, nigga. Nigga, it's nothing. This shit right here, nigga! This shit right here, nigga! Right here, this shit, nigga! This shit here, nigga!" Always has some fucked up name. "It's kryptachronicunnalite, nigga!" Always has some fucked up ass name. "Nigga, this shit here, nigga. This shit here, niggia. This shit's called Deaf, nigga." You be like, "Nigga, that don't even sound attractive. What the...You mean I'm gonna hit it and ''die'', nigga? Is that what..." "No nigga, not Death, nigga, ''Deaf''. You hit this shit twice, nigga, you can't hear ''shit''!"

* I'm used to smoking some weed and getting the munchies. This nigga sold me some shit, had me looking at the refrigerator for three hours. I'm just in the kitchen, sitting on the stove, just...''[sits on stool, blanking staring]''...I bet you there ain't shit in there, nigga. I bet you..."

* You done got with us niggas--now you talking about, "You fucked up my self-esteem." Bitch, it's called SELF esteem! It's esteem of your mother-fuckin' SELF, Bitch!

* Long as you been living, you ain't NEVER heard of a mother-fucker overdosin' on marijuana. You might-a thought that nigga was dead. He ain't dead. He gonna wake up in 30 minutes hungry enough to eat up everything in your house. That's the side effects: hungry, happy, sleepy." That's it.

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Williams, Katt}}
[[Category:American actors]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:Rappers]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:People from Ohio]]
[[Category:African Americans]]

Jerry Seinfeld

2016-08-10T02:19:32Z

StjJackson:

[[File:Jerry Seinfeld Shankbone 2010 NYC.jpg|thumb|The biggest [[laugh]] has to come at the [[end]].]]
'''[[w:Jerry Seinfeld|Jerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld]]''' (born [[29 April]] [[1954]]) is an American actor, writer and comedian.
:See also:
::'''''[[Seinfeld]]'''''

== Quotes ==
* '''[[Economy]] is [[essential]] to [[all]] [[good]] [[art]].'''
** As quoted in [http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=15771045 radio interview] with [[w:Dave Davies (reporter)|Dave Davies]], [[w:Fresh Air (NPR)|"Fresh Air"]], ''NPR'' (30 October 2007)

* '''The biggest [[laugh]] has to come at the [[end]].'''
** Quoted in a video interview for ''The New York Times Magazine'' YouTube channel (20 December 2012)

* '''The pitch for the show, the real pitch, when Larry and I went to NBC in 1988, was we want to show how a [[comedian]] gets his material. The show about [[nothing]] was just a joke in an episode many years later''', and Larry and I to this day are surprised that it caught on as a way that people describe the show, because to us it's the opposite of that.
** Statement about the show ''[[Seinfeld]]'', in [https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1ujvrg/jerry_seinfeld_here_i_will_give_you_an_answer/ceitvvp "Jerry Seinfeld here. I will give you an answer." at ''Reddit'' (6 January 2014)]

* The less you know about a field, the better your odds. Dumb boldness is the best way to approach a new challenge.
** [http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/31/arts/television/jerry-seinfeld-online-force.html "Jerry Seinfeld, Online Force", in ''The New York Times'' (27 May 2015)]

=== ''[[w: I'm Telling You for the Last Time|I'm Telling You for the Last Time]]'' (1998) ===
* '''Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.'''

* What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is there aren't many job interviews where there's a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it. "Well, Bill, the boss thinks you're the right man for the job; why don't you strip down and meet some of the people you'll be working with?"

* Women have two orgasms, the real ones and the ones they make up on their own. And I can give you the male point of view on this, which is: we're fine with it. You do whatever you have to do, and we'll do whatever we have to. ...To a man, sex is like a car accident anyway, and trying to determine a female orgasm is like asking, "What did you see after the car went out of control?" "Well, there were a lot of screeching noises, I was facing the wrong way at one point, and in the end, my body was thrown clear."

* Men and women will never understand each other; my advice is to just stop trying. Just forget it. I know I will never understand women. I will never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your ''upper thigh'', rip the hair out ''by the root''...and still be afraid of a spider.

* Why is McDonalds still counting? How insecure is this company? 40 million, 80 billion million jillion killion tillion...who cares? Is anyone really impressed by that any more? "Ooh, 89 billion sold? All right, I'll have one! I'm satisfied!" I'd like to tell the CEO of McDonalds, "Look. We all get it, okay? You've sold a lot of hamburgers. Whatever the number is, just put up a sign, 'McDonalds: We're Doing Very Well.' We are tired of hearing about every goddamn one of them."

* The luge is the only Olympic event where you could have people competing in it against their will, and it would look exactly the same. Take people off the street, "Hey, hey, hey, what is this?! I don't wanna be in the luge!" Once you put that helmet on them, "You're in the luge, buddy!" "aaaAAAaaaAAAaaaAAA...aaaAAAAA..." World record. Didn't even wanna do it. I'd like to see that next Olympics, the Involuntary Luge.

* I read that speaking in front of a crowd is the number-one fear in America. I found that amazing. Number two was death. Number two! That means that, if you're ever at a funeral, you'd rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.

* There is no more embarrassing thing in my life that the fact that I have actually uttered the phrase, "I would like to order the Ginsu Knife."

* I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.

* Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}
* [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000632/ Jerry Seinfeld] at the [[w:Internet Movie Database|Internet Movie Database]]
* ''[http://www.sonypictures.com/tv/shows/seinfeld/tvindex.html Seinfeld]'' at Sony Pictures

{{DEFAULTSORT:Seinfeld, Jerry}}
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:American actors]]
[[Category:Jews]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Former Scientologists]]

Sarah Silverman

2016-08-10T02:19:01Z

StjJackson:

[[File:Sarah Silverman.jpg|thumb|right|People are always introducing me as "Sarah Silverman, [[Jews|Jewish]] comedian." I ''hate'' that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm ''white''!]]
'''[[w:Sarah Silverman|Sarah Silverman]]''' (born [[2 December]] [[1970]]) is a Jewish-American actress, stand-up comedian, writer, singer and musician. Her satirical comedy addresses social taboos and controversial topics such as racism, sexism, and religion, often performing her act mocking bigotry and stereotypes of ethnic groups and religious denominations by having her comic character endorse them in an ironic fashion.

== Quotes ==
[[File:Sarah Silverman 2010.jpg|thumb|right| I wrote, "I love chinks." And who doesn't?]]
[[File:Sarah Silverman 3 BBF 2010 Shankbone.jpg|thumb|right|You look like my friend Debbie. That's really ''weird'' … do you get that a lot?]]
[[File:Sarah Silverman BBF 2010 Shankbone.jpg|thumb|right|[[Jesus]]' words have become so perverted over time — it's been like a [[w:Chinese whispers|game of telephone]].]]

* I got jury duty … and I didn't want to go, so my friend said, "You should write something really really [[Racism|racist]] on the form when you return it. Like, you should put 'I hate chinks'." And I said, "I'm not going to put that on there just to get out of jury duty. I don't want people to think that about me." So instead I wrote, "I love chinks." And who doesn't?
** ''The Conan O'Brien Show'' (11 July 2001) In the original joke, Silverman had said "niggers" instead of "chinks", the network asked her to change it from the first to the latter. The network and O'Brien then apologized for airing this statement, Silverman did not, stating that it was plainly satirizing the racist thought process.

* You look like my friend Debbie. That's really ''weird'' … do you get that a lot? — It's sad, though, 'cause you know, we're not really friends anymore. But, uh, it's not your fault. Seriously, it was 'cause she's, um … not "born again Christian" … oh! — "pathological liar."
** Comments to a member of the audience, in [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEb-sXmcMLE "Sarah Silverman-Early Standup (1992)]

* I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse.
** To [[w:Courtney Love|Courtney Love]] on her [[w:Comedy Central|Comedy Central]] Roast of Pamela Anderson (14 August 2005)

* I commend you on all you've done for [[w:People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals|PETA]], wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health.
** To [[w:Pamela Anderson|Pamela Anderson]] on the [[w:Comedy Central|Comedy Central]] Roast (14 August 2005)

* Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and then the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people that believe it was the blacks.
** ''The New Yorker'' (24 October 2005)

* I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls "the real way".
** ''Rolling Stone'' (3 November 2005)

* I always think I should get on it if I want to have kids. Because once you hit thirty it can be difficult to conceive — it can be dangerous. The best time to conceive is when you're a black teenager.
** ''Rolling Stone'' (3 November 2005)

* Wow! She is amazing. She is 25 years old and she's already accomplished everything she's going to accomplish in her life. It's mind blowing … have you seen [[Britney Spears|Britney]]'s kids? Oh my god, they are the most adorable mistakes you will ever see! They are as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of!
** [[w:MTV Video Music Awards|MTV Video Music Awards]] (9 September 2007)

* This song brings me back … I was brutally raped to this song.
** In response to the DJ playing [[w:Motley Crue|Motley Crue]]'s "Girls Girls Girls" as her intro. ''Holllywood Improv''

* I don't believe in [[Jesus]] or [[God]]. But I do believe that fundamentalists in religion or anything else are bad, and that they have more hate than love. Jesus' words have become so perverted over time — it's been like a [[w:Chinese whispers|game of telephone]]. If he existed, Jesus would fuckin' kill himself.
** Interview with boyfriend [[Jimmy Kimmel]] for ''Esquire'' magazine (January 2007)

*People who call themselves [[w:diva|divas]]...you are not a diva. I'm pretty sure you're a [[w:cunt|cunt]].
**''[[w:Real Time with Bill Maher|Real Time with Bill Maher]]'' episode 145, 13 March 2009

=== ''[[w:Sarah Silverman: Jesus Is Magic|Jesus Is Magic]]'' (2005) ===
[[File:Silverman, Sarah (WGAS).jpg|thumb|right|I love you more than bears love honey, I love you more than Jews love money]]
[[File:Sarah Silverman with the Jesus Dress Up magnet set.png|thumb|right|If my boyfriend and I ever have a kid, we'll just be honest with it. We'll say that mommy is one of God's chosen people, and daddy believes that [[Jesus]] is [[magic]]!]]

* ''I love you more than bears love honey, I love you more than Jews love money, I love you more than Asians are good at math. I love you even if it's not hip, I love you more than black guys don't tip, I love you like Puerto Ricans need baths.''
** Satirical song

* A couple nights ago, I was licking jelly off my boyfriend's penis. And I thought, "Oh my God — I'm turning into my mother!"

* I dated a guy who was half-black, but he dumped me because I'm such a loser. Wow, I shouldn't say things like that, I'm such a pessimist … he's actually half-white.

* I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.

* I saw my father's penis once. But it was okay, because I was soooo young … and sooo drunk.

* I want to get an abortion. But my boyfriend and I are having trouble conceiving.

* I've sued my manager for sexual harassment. And it's real hard, and a big strain on me. Because he hasn't done anything.

* I was raped by a doctor … which is so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.

* I wear this [[w:Saint Christopher|Saint Christopher]] medal sometimes because — I'm Jewish — but my boyfriend is Catholic. It was cute, the way he gave it to me. He said if it doesn't burn through my skin, it will protect me. Who cares? Different religions. The only time it's an issue, I suppose, would be like if you're having a baby and you've got to figure out how you want to raise it. Which still wouldn't be an issue for us, because we'd be … honest, and just say, you know, like, "Mommy is one of the chosen people … and daddy believes that [[Jesus]] is ''[[magic]]''!"

* The writers of "Sanford and Son" were so brave in bringing their program to television. I mean, working with all those black people!

* When God gives you AIDS — and God ''does'' give you AIDS — make lemon-AIDS!

* I buy water at the liquor store across the street from where I live. So I'm walking into the door, and standing, loitering, outside the door is a man. And I walk by him to go in, and he says, ''[in a gruff male voice]'' "I want pussy!" Now, I don't want to seem conceited or anything, but ''[flattered smile]'' he was talking about ''me''!

* People are always introducing me as "Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne." I ''hate'' that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm ''white''!

* On the law that requires women to wait twenty-four hours before they are permitted to have an abortion: I think it's a good law. The other day I wanted to go get an abortion. I really wanted an abortion, but then I thought about it and it turned out I was just thirsty.

* The Holocaust would never have happened if black people lived in Germany in the 1930s and 40s … well, it wouldn't have happened to Jews.

=== ''[[w:The Sarah Silverman Program|The Sarah Silverman Program]]'' ===
[[File:Sarahsilvermangfdl.PNG|thumb|right|I was driving and got tired and thought this would be a good place to stop.]]

* Also, I learned whether you are gay, bisexual, it doesn't matter, you know … because, at the end of the day, they're both gross. But mostly, I learned that elderly black women are wise beyond their years … but younger black women are prostitutes.

* I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?

* ''[holds up an egg]'' This is AIDS. AIDS is as real as an egg.

* If we can send a person to the moon, we can send someone with [[AIDS]] to the moon, and then someday we can send everybody with AIDS to the moon.

* I'll be back. I'll be black. I'll be white black.

<hr width="50%" />

: '''Sarah''': If you really are a ghost, why aren't you talking like ''thi-i-i-s-s''?
: '''Ghost''': That is a crude stereotype. Talking like that to a ghost is like saying the N-word to a black person.
: '''Sarah''': Well, interrupting a Jewish person while she's urinating is like saying the Holocaust never happened, so I guess we're ''e-e-e-v-e-e-n''.

<hr width="50%" />

: '''Sarah''': Oh! Tig! How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
: '''Tig''': … I don't know.
: '''Sarah''': Oh …
: ''[Tig leaves]''
: '''Steve''': She should know that.
: '''Laura''': I think it's three.

<hr width="50%" />

: ''[After Sarah crashes her car]''
: '''Officer Jay''': Do you know how many fingers I'm holding up?
: '''Sarah''': Uh, this many? ''[Sarah showing two middle fingers]''.

<hr width="50%" />

: '''Police''': Do you know why I'm standing here?
: '''Sarah''': You got all C's in high school?
: '''Police''': Ma'am, are you drunk?
: '''Sarah''': Oh no, I was driving and got tired and thought this would be a good place to stop.
: ''[She's in a playground during a kid's birthday party]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

* {{imdb name|id=0798971|name=Sarah Silverman}}
* [http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_sarah_silverman_program/index.jhtml ''The Sarah Silverman Program'' site on comedycentral.com]
* [http://www.sarahsilvermanonline.com/ Sarah Silverman Online]
* [http://www.esquire.com/features/what-ive-learned/ESQ0107silvermanandkimmel "What I've Learned"] interview with boyfriend [[w:Jimmy Kimmel|Jimmy Kimmel]] for ''[[w:Esquire (magazine)|Esquire]]'' magazine (January 2007).
* [http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/21/magazine/21WWLN_Q4.t.html "Questions for Sarah Silverman" in ''The New York Times Magazine'' (21 January 2007)]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Silverman, Sarah}}
[[Category:American actresses]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:Authors]]
[[Category:Singers]]
[[Category:Musicians]]
[[Category:Jews]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Vegetarians]]

Bob Saget

2016-08-10T02:18:36Z

StjJackson:

[[File:Bob Saget.jpg|thumb|Bob Saget]]

'''[[w:Bob Saget|Robert Lane "Bob" Saget]]''' (born [[May 17]], [[1956]]) is an American actor, stand-up comedian, and television host. Although he is best known for his past roles in family-oriented television shows, he is known outside of television for his starkly blue stand-up comedy.

== Sourced ==

===''Bob Saget: That Ain't Right'' (2007)===
* ''Full House'' gave me Tourette's. We would be on the set, and, action! "Okay, Michelle, you can't have a horse in the house--" and, cut! "Cock shit fuck!"

* People ask me what my favorite episode of ''[[Full House]]'' is; it was the last one!

* This woman woke up to see me and [[w:John Stamos|John Stamos]] banging on her windows. She must have thought she died and went to sitcom hell.

* If you laugh at that, you lower the bar, and I will limbo under it because I am a fucked-up guy!

* Kids, do not fuck that shit; you'll get an infection.

* That would be a good public service announcement for [[w:Nickelodeon (TV channel)|Nickelodeon]]: "Hi, this is Bob Saget. Don't fuck that shit. Stay in school. And read!"

* I don't call her my middle child, I call her my center child, Because the world revolves around her.

* I've banged half the girls in this room, and that is fuckin' not true. I haven't banged anyone here. I've put my pinky in your butts, couple of you.

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Saget, Bob}}
[[Category:Americans]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:Television personalities]]
[[Category:Living people]]

Andy Samberg

2016-08-10T02:18:25Z

StjJackson:

[[File:Andy-Samberg-David-Shankbone-2010-NYC-791x1024.jpg|thumb|Andy Samberg]]

'''[[w:Andy Samberg|Andrew David Samberg]]''' (born [[August 18]], [[1978]]) is an American comedian, actor, writer, and a member of the comedy troupe the Lonely Island. He is a repertory player on ''[[Saturday Night Live]]'' and has appeared on ''Premium Blend,'' ''[[Arrested Development]],'' ''Late Night with Conan O'Brien,'' ''The Daily Show With Jon Stewart,'' ''The Late Show with David Letterman'' and ''Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.'' Samberg played the lead role in the 2007 film [[Hot Rod]].

{{people-stub}}

== Quotes ==


* You have Mel Brooks and your Marx Brothers and your Larry David. So it's affected it enormously and really not at all. I don't think I've ever done anything comedically where the joke of it had to do with Judaism and Jewishness, but there's definitely a proud tradition of comedy in the Jews.
** Quoted in Monica Kim, [http://www.northbynorthwestern.com/2008/04/9035/andy-samberg-on-snl-his-hair-and-other-things-not-in-a-box/ "Andy Samberg on SNL, his hair and other things not in a box,"] ''NorthbyNorthwestern.com'' (April 16, 2008).

== External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Samberg, Andy}}
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:Americans]]
[[Category:Living people]]

Adam Sandler

2016-08-10T02:18:14Z

StjJackson:

[[File:AdamSandlerHWoFFeb11.jpg|thumb|right]]
'''[[w:Adam Sandler|Adam Richard Sandler]]''' (born [[September 9]], [[1966]]) is an American comedian, actor, musician, screenwriter, and film producer.

{{Actor-stub}}
==Quotes==

* Put on your [[w:Kippah|yarmulkah]] Here comes Hannukah So much funnukah To celebrate Hannukah
** [[w:The Chanukah Song|The Chanukah Song]].

* Paul Newman's half Jewish and Florence Henderson's half, too Put them together, What a fine looking Jew!
** The Chanukah Song.

* I'm coming out of da' BOOTH!!
** [[w:Toll Booth Willie|Toll Booth Willie]].

* Why, you fucking hard-on! I'll fucking [[Carlton Fisk]] your fucking head with a Louisville fucking slugger! What do you think of that, assfuck!?
** Toll Booth Willie.

* Fuck you, you fucking, uppity bitch! I'll fucking fuck you and all your lesbian fish-eating friends in front of your fucking mothers! You're going to die, bitch! I'm coming out of the booth!
** Toll Booth Willie

* You fucking pricks! I fucking hear every fucking word you're saying! When this fucking leg heals, I'm going to kick you guys' new fucking assholes!
** Toll Booth Willie.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Sandler, Adam}}
[[Category:American actors]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:Jews]]
[[Category:Musicians]]
[[Category:Screenwriters]]
[[Category:Film producers]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:People from New York]]

Jon Stewart

2016-08-10T02:18:01Z

StjJackson:

[[File:JonStewart.jpg|thumb|right|"My life [is] a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabbalah center brunches with the cast of ''Friends''. At least that's what my handlers tell me."]]
'''[[w:Jon Stewart|Jon Stewart]]''' (born '''Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz''', [[28 November]], [[1962]]) is an [[w:American|American]] [[w:actor|actor]] and [[w:comedian|comedian]]. He is also the host of the [[w:Emmy award|Emmy-award]] winning program, ''[[The Daily Show]]'', author of ''[[w:Naked Pictures of Famous People|Naked Pictures of Famous People]]'' and co-author of the ''New York Times'' bestseller ''[[w:America (The Book)|America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction]]''.

:'''''See also [[The Daily Show]]'''''

== Quotes ==
*''[mobster impression]'' Hey! Nice nominee you got there. ''[sniff, tightens tie]'' Be a shame if something happened to him, Mr. President. Know what I mean?
**[http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/vqslp2/doc-blockers/ ''The Daily Show'', February 21, 2013]

* '''Little and hairy.''' But if [The ''New York Post''] want to go with smart and stylish then hey, more power to them. Good luck.
**[http://jon.happyjoyfun.net/tran/1990/93_1223steppingout.html ''Steppin' Out'' interview], December 23, 1993, when asked how he would describe himself.

*I've always run by the hierarchy of "If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something."
**[http://jon.happyjoyfun.net/tran/1990/95_0126rolling.html ''Rolling Stone'' interview], January 26, 1995

*I signed up for what? '''I thought I was just ordering cable.'''
**''Chicago Tribune'', August 12, 1998; on signing on as host of ''The Daily Show''.

*The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
**''Charleston Gazette'' [http://jon.happyjoyfun.net/tran/1999/99_0109charl.html interview], January 9, 1999

*You wake up and you're still a little drunk and you can't believe that hot girl from last night actually has a beard and a penis.
**''[[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|Cosmopolitan]]'', January 1999, on embarrassing dates.

*'''You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work.''' I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.
**''Orange County Register'', July 9, 1999
[[File:Oiled_sea_otter.jpg|thumb|right|I've seen otters—they look better covered in oil.]]
*That whole thing has been overstated by environmentalists. First of all, what is it, rocks and snow? C'mon, what is that, you want that? Go to Canada my friend. Believe me, rocks and snow are overrated. '''I've seen otters—they look better covered in oil'''.
**''Nightline'', 2001. On governments plans to drill in Alaska.

* I don't know what all the controversy is about, quite frankly. I've met [[Eminem]], I met him backstage, and he's really gay.
** Grammy Awards, February 21, 2001

* If you look on their lawn, there are... it looks like a tent city of reporters. I don't know what insight they think they're going to glean from these people's grief, but if there's ever a situation where someone who's just lost their daughter has anything to say other than "this sucks," I'd be happy to see a news crew on their lawn, but until then, why are these people there?
** On exploitative media coverage of the [[w:Danielle Van Dam|Danielle Van Dam]] case, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OymCVXtl3-4&feature=channel_page Paley Center for Media interview], 2002

* '''This show ''is'' our own personal beliefs.'''
** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpSw0j8-4_o&feature=SeriesPlayList&p=C889CCEBD1303E1D Paley Center interview], in response to an audience question, "How do you keep your own personal beliefs from showing up in the show?"

* '''Howard Kurtz:''' CNN has is broadcasting your show internationally. '''Jon Stewart:''' I am not. '''Kurtz:''' Does that make you legitimate? '''Stewart:''' No, I am illegitimate. I am the bastard son of anything. We're not— we're fake.
* '''Kurtz:''' So you don't, you're not confusing yourself with a quote, "real journalist"? '''Stewart:''' No. ''You'' guys are— '''Kurtz:''' You're just making fun— '''Stewart:''' You guys are confusing yourselves with real journalists.
** {{citation
| date = 2002-11-02
| title = Reliable Sources
| publisher = CNN
| medium = Television
| url = http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0211/02/rs.00.html
}}

* If done for the right reasons, liberating a country from a despot, I don't see how that's immoral. Ah, done quickly, and then we all leave, yeah that's kind of... I mean, it's so much obviously more complicated than that. They're literally, if he doesn't allow inspections, we're bombing him — ''I'll allow inspections''. If he doesn't allow them... on Tuesday — ''I'll allow them on Tuesday''. If he doesn't serve fondue — ''alright, I'll serve fondue''. '''I mean, they're gonna do anything, it's clear they cast their die, I mean, as hard as it is for [[w: Dick Cheney|Dick Cheney]] to get an erection, he's not gonna let this opportunity go by.'''
** [http://www.iop.harvard.edu/events_forum_archive_2002.html Harvard University], December 13, 2002, in response to a question about the prospect of war in Iraq, should [[w:Saddam Hussein|Saddam Hussein]] continue to dodge weapons inspections.

[[File:Edward_r_murrow_challenge_of_ideas_screenshot_2.jpg|thumb|right|The pursuit of being a judge, an arbiter, and earning the trust of the audience over time as an oversight to the shenanigans of the political world.]]
*Here is what I believe is the paradigm that would be effective and what I would love to see, and you're going to laugh because Fox News is my model. What Fox has done is they've got a guy, [[w:Roger Ailes|Roger Ailes]], who's passionate and has created a model for a 24-hour news station that makes money based on a point of view... '''Using Fox's model, find someone with the passion and the ''huevos'' to just lay it on the line — not in a partisan way, not in the pursuit of political power and political gain, but in the pursuit of credibility.''' In the pursuit of being a judge, an arbiter, and earning the trust of the audience over time as an oversight to the shenanigans of the political world.
**''[[w:Charlie Rose (talk show)|Charlie Rose]]'' [http://www.charlierose.com/shows/2004/09/29/1/a-conversation-with-comedy-centrals-jon-stewart interview], September 29, 2004, describing his ideal news network.

*If I was to really get at the burr in my saddle, it's not politics — and this is, I think, probably a horrible analogy — but I look at politicians as, they are doing what inherently they need to do to retain power. Their job is to consolidate power. '''When you go to the zoo and you see a monkey throwing poop, you go, "that's what monkeys do, what are you gonna do?" But what I wish the media would do more frequently is say "bad monkey."'''
**''Charlie Rose'' interview, September 29, 2004

*It's a brilliant metaphor. '''What I meant to say was, when you see a monkey ''masturbating'' at the zoo...'''
**[[w:C-SPAN|C-SPAN]] interview, October 14, 2004, when asked about the above quote.

* [''[[w:Robert Novak|Robert Novak]]''] apparently, they say, broke his hip. I think it's not the case. '''I believe his hip tried to escape.'''
**C-SPAN interview, October 14, 2004

*How did [[w:Rathergate|Memogate]] get a "gate"? How did [[w:Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime show controversy|Nipplegate]] get a "gate"? '''We invaded a country with the wrong information, and Janet Jackson's ''tit'' got a "gate". Who gives out the "gates"?''' Is there a "Gate"-gate? Is there a, a... I mean, it's absolute... We're living in insanity!
**C-SPAN interview, October 14, 2004

*Everybody wrings their hands about Fox News. You know, "fair and balanced? Why, that's snide!" '''Yeah, okay, maybe they're not fair and balanced, but CNN used to have the slogan "You Can Depend on CNN". Guess what? I watch it, no you can't.''' So what's the difference?
**C-SPAN interview, October 14, 2004

* '''Jon Stewart:''' And I made a special effort to come on the show today, because I have privately, amongst my friends and also in occasional newspapers and television shows, mentioned this show as being bad. '''[[Paul Begala]]:''' We have noticed. '''Stewart:''' And I wanted to — I felt that that wasn't fair and I should come here and tell you that I don't — it's not so much that it's bad, as it's hurting America. '''[[Tucker Carlson]]:''' But in its defense — '''Stewart:''' But I wanted to come here today and say — Here's just what I wanted to tell you guys: '''Carlson:''' Yes. '''Stewart:''' Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop hurting America.
* '''Carlson:''' You had John Kerry on your show and you sniff his throne and you're accusing us of partisan hackery? '''Stewart:''' Absolutely. '''Carlson:''' You've got to be kidding me. He comes on and you— '''Stewart:''' You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?
** {{citation
| date = 2004-10-15
| title = Crossfire
| publisher = CNN
| medium = Television
| url = http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0410/15/cf.01.html
}}

* Do you guys ''have'' to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.
**[http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?docId=542410 Amazon.com interview], 2004

*'''The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.''' That's all it is. All those media companies say, "We're going to make a killing here." You won't because it's still only as good as the content.
**[http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/13.09/stewart.html?pg=2&topic=stewart&topic_set= ''Wired'' interview], September 13, 2005

* The American people. For their just ''utter'' patience.
**[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_qAgaGYh3w On ''Larry King Live''], in response to the question "Who in this administration fascinates you the most?" February 26, 2006

* Did you really just ask me if I ''want'' it to be bad? I have kids! What do you think? "Yeah, I don't want them to have any kind of a -- I want things to corrode to the point where we're all living in huts." [...] [I] "like things to go a little wrong" like [[w:Dick Cheney hunting incident|birdshot to the face of a guy that would survive]], not "like things to go wrong" till it's like ''[[w:Mad Max|Mad Max]]'', every-man-for-himself-let's-all-ride-around-and-machine-guns, which seems to be the way that it's [going].
** Responding to King's suggestion that as a political comedian Stewart would "want things to be bad" because that would provide him with the most fodder for jokes

*Are you insane?!
** Responding to King's example, "So, you wouldn't want [[w:Medicare|Medicare]] to fail?"

* Everybody thought [[Barack Obama]] was going to [inspire people] when he came to Washington, but, you know, the Senate seems like the place where smart people go to die.
** Originally spoken, reprinted in [http://davidsirota.com/index.php/mr-obama-goes-to-washington/ Mr. Obama Goes to Washington] By [[David Sirota]] in ''The Nation'', June 7, 2006.

[[File:USAF_F-15E_releases_GBU-28.jpg|thumb|right|President Bush has uranium-tipped bunker busters and I have puns. I think he'll be OK.]]
*Here's the way I look at it. '''President Bush has uranium-tipped bunker busters and I have puns. I think he'll be OK.'''
**[http://www.rollingstone.com/news/coverstory/jon_stewart_stephen_colbert_americas_anchors ''Rolling Stone'' interview], October 31, 2006

*'''We are not warriors in anyone's army.''' And that is not trying to be self-deprecating. I'm proud of what we do. I really like these two shows. I like making 'em. I like watching them. I'm really proud of them. But I understand their place. I don't view us as people who lead social movements.
**[http://www.rollingstone.com/news/coverstory/jon_stewart_stephen_colbert_americas_anchors ''Rolling Stone'' interview], October 31, 2006, on the role of ''The Daily Show'' and ''[[The Colbert Report]]''.

[[File:Briny_Beach.jpg|thumb|right|I have complete faith in the continued absurdity of whatever’s going on.]]
*'''I have complete faith in the continued absurdity of whatever’s going on.'''
**[http://www.nofactzone.net/?p=1384 ''Philadelphia Inquirer'' interview], April 22, 2007

*The best part is that I'm able to come in, and whenever I want, choose an intern... oh, wait — Is this being recorded? No, the coolest part is the ability to have a silly thought about whatever is going on in your world at 10 o'clock in the morning, and be able to see it go out on the airwaves at 11 o'clock that night. '''That's an amazing privilege.'''
**''Philadelphia Inquirer'' interview, April 22, 2007

*The reason I don't worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. ''Hundreds'' of people ran into those buildings to save them. I'll take those odds every fucking day.
**[http://www.rollingstone.com''Rolling Stone'' interview], November 2007

*Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.
**"Late Night with Conan O'Brien," January 29, 2009

===''[[w:Naked Pictures of Famous People|Naked Pictures of Famous People]]'' (1998)===
[[File:WWII_in_Europe_1939-1941-blank.svg|thumb|left|I always thought I could stop any time I wanted.]]
*Nazi Germany was so destructive to Judaism not only for the loss of life, but because many who survived began to see the practice of Judaism as somewhat of a health hazard.

*Orthodox Jews, or, as they are known in the Talmud, the Really Chosen Ones, are committed to the idea that the entire Torah was dictated by God verbatim to Moses at Mount Sinai... '''Other forms of Judaism dispute this claim, although it does explain certain passages in the first Torah, such as, "I'm sorry, am I boring you?" and "What do you like better, Moses, Lord Almighty or Big Hoohah?"'''

*Reform Jews are the children of Conservative Jews, or as they are sometimes known, Christians with curlier hair.

*'''Hitler:''' ''(biting into a bagel)'' First of all, Larry, I don't know what I was so afraid of. These are delicious!!!
**Adolf Hitler is interviewed by [[w:Larry King| Larry King]].

*'''Hitler:''' Look, I was a bad guy. No question. ''I'' hate that Hitler. The yelling, the finger-pointing, I don't know... I was a very angry guy. '''King:''' And this... new Hitler? '''Hitler:''' I get up at seven, have half a melon, do the Jumble in the morning paper and then let the day take me where it will. Some days I'll fish, maybe hit the mall for an Orange Julius. The other day I spent seven hours in the park watching ants cart off part of a sandwich. '''Me!! The inventor of the [[w:Blitzkrieg|Blitzkrieg]]'''... When you stop having to control everything, it's very freeing.

*'''Hitler:''' Denial is a powerful thing... I always thought I could stop any time I wanted. "If I could just get Czechoslovakia, that'll be the end of it. I'll be happy then." '''And then I'd get it and think, well geez, Poland's just up the road a piece and... you know the rest.'''

*'''Hitler:''' I'm not going to lie to you, it took a while. There were moments all along where I knew something was wrong. I remember one time... I think it was in Munich. We were having a rally. 100,000 people all chanting my name. The bonfires were going. The whole shebang. '''It should have been a crowning moment, but I clearly remember thinking, What am I doing here? I hate crowds.'''

=== College of William & Mary Commencement Address (2004) ===
:[http://web.wm.edu/news/archive/index.php?id=3650 College of William & Mary'' (May 20, 2004)]
[[File:Apollo17earth_white.jpg|thumb|right|Somewhere between the gold rush of easy internet profits and an arrogant sense of endless empire, '''we heard kind of a pinging noise, and uh, then the damn thing just died on us.''']]
[[File:Dolceacqua43_-_Artista_locale_mentre_dipinge_un_acquarello.jpg|thumb|left|'''Love what you do. Get good at it.''' Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.]]

* My life [is] a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabbalah center brunches with the cast of ''Friends''. At least that's what my handlers tell me. I’m actually too valuable to live my own life and spend most of my days in a vegetable crisper to remain fake news anchor fresh.

* We declared war on terror—it's not even a noun, so, good luck. '''After we defeat it, I'm sure we'll take on that bastard [[w:Ennui|ennui]].'''
*'''Love what you do. Get good at it.''' Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.

* Let's talk about the real world for a moment. We had been discussing it earlier, and I… I wanted to bring this up to you earlier about the real world, and this is I guess as good a time as any. '''I don’t really know to put this, so I’ll be blunt. We broke it.''' Please don’t be mad. I know we were supposed to bequeath to the next generation a world better than the one we were handed. So, sorry. I don’t know if you’ve been following the news lately, but it just kinda got away from us. '''Somewhere between the gold rush of easy internet profits and an arrogant sense of endless empire, we heard kind of a pinging noise, and uh, then the damn thing just died on us.''' So I apologize.

* I have not found this generation to be cynical or apathetic or selfish. They are as strong and as decent as any people that I have met. And I will say this, on my way down here I stopped at Bethesda Naval, and '''when you talk to the young kids that are there that have just been back from Iraq and Afghanistan, you don’t have the worry about the future that you hear from so many that are not a part of this generation but judging it from above.'''

* And the other thing… that I will say is, when I spoke earlier about the world being broke, I was somewhat being facetious, because '''every generation has their challenge. And things change rapidly, and life gets better in an instant.'''

===''[[w:America (The Book)|America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction]]'' (2004)===
(Co-written with [[w:Ben Karlin|Ben Karlin]], [[w:David Javerbaum|David Javerbaum]] and the writers of ''The Daily Show'')
[[File:Ellis_island_1902.jpg|thumb|To the huddled masses, keep yearnin'!]]
*''Dedication:'' To the huddled masses, keep yearnin'!
[[File:Henry_Wade_1963_press_conference_NYWTS.jpg|thumb|right|A free and independent press is essential to the health of a functioning democracy. It serves to inform the voting public on matters relevant to its well-being.]]
[[File:20061025_p102506pm-044-515h.jpg|thumb|right|Why they've stopped doing that is a mystery.]]
*''1300 BC:'' God gives Ten Commandments to Israelites, making them His Chosen People and granting them eternal protection under Divine Law. '''Nothing bad ever happens to Jews again.'''

*''May 3, 325:'' Rome built.

*''30 AD:'' Death penalty debate heats up after controversial execution of alleged "Son of God".

*Through most of colonial history, inhabitants of the 13 colonies were loyal subjects of the British crown — resourceful, dedicated and as the Third Duchess of Kent... was fond of saying, '''"Some tea-drinkin' motherfuckahs."''' In fact, whenever the subject of the New World was mentioned, the Duchess could always be counted on for a wistful head-shake and a hearty "Motherfuckahs love that motherfuckin' tea."

*But on what basis should the three branches of government be divided? It came down to two dueling ideas: Madison's proposal of an executive, judicial and legislative branch, and Georgia's Joseph Morton's proposal to dole out power according to, '''"The presence, forbearance, rectictude and largeosity of one's 'Plums and Carrot'."''' After much deliberation, it was decided Madison's proposal would be accepted, Morton only relenting after the Constitutional Convention agreed to proclaim him "impressive."

*By far the most revolutionary aspect of this new position [of the presidency] would be who could hold it. The short answer: just about anyone. By placing no explicit race, gender, or religious requirements on the presidency, the Founders opened the door to a true meritocracy. '''Why no women, blacks, or non-Christians have answered the founders' challenge is a mystery, though most indications point to some inherent genetic flaw.''' (William Howard Taft came closest, having what most observers agreed were boobs.)

*'''If the presidency is the head of the American body politic, Congress is its gastrointestinal tract.''' Its vast and convoluted inner workings may be mysterious and unpleasant, but in the end they excrete a great deal of material whose successful passage is crucial to our nation's survival.

* A free and independent press is essential to the health of a functioning democracy. It serves to inform the voting public on matters relevant to its well-being. Why they've stopped doing that is a mystery. I mean, 300 camera crews outside a courthouse to see what Kobe Bryant is wearing when the judge sets his hearing date, while false information used to send our country to war goes unchecked? '''What the fuck happened?'''

=== Crossfire Appearance (2004) ===
:Jon Stewart [[w:Crossfire_(TV_series)#Jon_Stewart.27s_appearance|appeared]] on [[w:Crossfire (TV series)|Crossfire]] on October 15, 2004 with hosts [[Paul Begala]] and [[Tucker Carlson]]. [http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0410/15/cf.01.html CNN's rush transcript] of Stewart's appearance from CNN's official website.
:[http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2652831 Video of Jon Stewart's appearance on Crossfire] provided by IFILM (requires [[w:Macromedia Flash|Macromedia Flash]]).
[[File:Burattini_ca_1770.jpg|thumb|right|The absurdity of the system provides us the most material. And that is best served by sort of the theater of it all—which, by the way, thank you both.]]
*'''Stewart:''' '''You have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably.''' '''Carlson:''' You need to get a job at a journalism school, I think. '''Stewart:''' You need to go to one. [...] '''Carlson:''' Wait. I thought you were going to be funny. Come on. Be funny. '''Stewart:''' No. No. '''I'm not going to be your monkey.'''

*'''Stewart:''' ''[To Tucker Carlson]'' How old are you? '''Carlson:''' Thirty-five. '''Stewart:''' '''And you wear a bow tie'''... So this is theater... Now, listen, I'm not suggesting that you're not a smart guy, because those are not easy to tie... But the thing is that this—you're doing theater, when you should be doing debate, which would be great... '''It's not honest. What you do is not honest. What you do is partisan hackery.'''

*You're on CNN. '''The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?'''
**After being accused by Carlson of not having asked [[John Kerry]] hard-hitting enough questions during an interview on ''The Daily Show''.

*We look at, '''the absurdity of the system provides us the most material. And that is best served by sort of the theater of it all''', you know, which, by the way, thank you both, because it's been helpful.
**In response to Paul Begala's question of which 2004 presidential candidate would provide the best comedic material if elected.

*You know what's interesting, though? '''You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.'''
**To Tucker Carlson after Carlson accused Stewart of not being as funny as he appeared on ''The Daily Show''.

*They said I wasn't being funny. And I said to them, '''"I know that, but tomorrow I will go back to being funny, and your show will still blow."'''
** [http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=120614&title=Your-Show-Blows/ Your Show Blows], October 18, 2004

=== Stand-up performance at [[w:Rochester Institute of Technology|RIT]] (2005) ===
[[File:Gay_Pheleps.JPG|thumb|right|You know, I'm straight, but you've made such a convincing argument...]]
*What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square... It's a lot quieter than the regular New Year. '''It's just a few Jews walking around going, "'sup?"'''

*It upset me that, five days after the hurricane hit down in New Orleans, the President's plan was for a day of prayer. I would have thought a truck of food. A day of prayer. Now, maybe I'm mistaken here and, again, I'm not a scientific expert, but isn't a hurricane officially an act of God? Isn't a day of prayer kind of redundant? '''Hasn't God already made up his mind on that sort of thing?''' So we do a day of prayer. The President has his stupid day of prayer. Three days later, Hurricane Rita hits. Somebody must have said something... something like, "is that all you got?"

*Here's how bizarre the war is that we're in in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we first went into Iraq, Germany didn't want to go. Germany. '''The Michael Jordan of war took a pass.'''

*You can always tell when Bush is in trouble. He always brings out 9/11. 9/11 is the cudgel that he waves. As far as he's concerned, it's "Open Sesame". 9/11 is his way of saying, "Okay, I'm fucking up now, but remember four years ago? That was cool." I think he thinks he can use it for anything. "9/11. '''On 9/11 we were attacked. And so, I should get to bang your wife.'''" What? "Now, there are some nay-sayers out there who think I shouldn't bang your wife, well, that's the cut-and-run crowd."

*What is the fear of the "gay agenda" that has so upset people? Do people think that if gay people are given a place at the table, they'll be so convincing we'll all end up blowing them? What is the issue? "You know, I'm straight, but you've made such a convincing argument..."

=== The 78th Academy Awards (2006) ===
Stewart hosted the [[w:78th Academy Awards|Academy Awards]] on March 5, 2006. [http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060306/ap_en_mo/oscars_quotes;_ylt=AsVI_0qcAkPIekvk5GiCTGWs0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTA3ODdxdHBhBHNlYwM5NjQ- "Overheard During the 78th Annual Oscars"], AP (via ''Yahoo! News''). Found to be inactive on 2009-04-06.
* I do have some sad news to report. [[Björk]] couldn't be here tonight. '''She was trying on her Oscar dress and [[Dick Cheney]] shot her.'''

* Good evening everybody, ladies, gentlemen... Felicity.

* I really thought that the make-up artist for Cinderella Man should have won. '''I mean, it's so hard to make Russell Crowe look like he got in a fight.'''

* If there's anyone out there involved in illegal movie piracy... don't do it. Take a good look at these people. These are the people you're stealing from. Look at them! Face what you've done! '''There are women here who can barely afford enough gown to cover their breasts.'''

* Tonight is the night we celebrate excellence in film, with me, the fourth male lead from ''[[w:Death to Smoochy|Death to Smoochy]]''. Rent it.

* For those of you who are keeping score at home, I just want to make something very clear: Martin Scorsese, zero Oscars. Three 6 Mafia, one.

=== [[w:59th Primetime Emmy Awards|The 59th Primetime Emmy Awards]] (2007) ===

* ''[with Stephen Colbert, after presenting the award for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series to Ricky Gervais and being informed that Gervais was not there]'' Ricky Gervais couldn't be here tonight, so instead we're going to give this to our friend Steve Carell.
** Carell, who was among the nominees who had just lost to Gervais, then ran onto the stage, where the three of them group-hugged and jumped around screaming.

=== Hartford Advocate Interview (2008) ===
{{cite web |author=Bulger, Adam |title=No News is Good News |date=2008-06-12 |work=The Hartford Advocate |url=http://www.hartfordadvocate.com/article.cfm?aid=8204 |accessdate=2009-04-12 }}
[[File:Libr0409.jpg|thumb|right|Watching those creatures writhe will always be interesting.]]
[[File:Jean_%2B_Brigitte_Soubeyran_Im_Zirkus.JPG|thumb|right|Theater doesn't make for authentic public discourse.]]
*'''As a comedian, as a person, as a citizen, as a mammal—in all of those areas, I am looking forward to the end of the Bush administration with every fiber of my being.'''
*'''I am sick of deconstructing their propaganda''', because it's pretty much the same as it's always been. It's just repeating something over and over again until we believe it and we hope that you believe it.

*If someone was to introduce hope and idealism into our political system, I think the tension that would create in other areas would certainly be ripe. '''You would think that if you bring oxygen to the organism, the organism lives. But there may be other organisms in there that thrive in darkness and in a more anaerobic environment. Watching those creatures writhe will always be interesting.'''
**On whether satire would be difficult under an [[Barack Obama|Obama]] administration

*I think the metric by which television is considered liberal is literally based on the metric of liberalism in each person's soul. '''Peoples' senses of humor tend to go about as far as their ideology.'''
**On whether ''The Daily Show'' is liberal.

*I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even going to be consistent with the same person. '''People can hold liberal and conservative dogma points at the same time. They're not living their lives via platforms. They're living their lives. The whole thing is an awfully tired construct.'''

*People would like to place a standard on our show that doesn't exist. We're not set up for reporting; we don't have an apparatus for that. We're discussing things that hopefully people might get something out of, but it's wildly inconsistent. '''Just because we hit on points that resonate, or people think are real complaints—that doesn't make us journalists.'''

*'''Stewart:''' The real issue is that TV news can either bring clarity or noise. And it tends to not seem to know the difference between them. … We do a show that doesn't try to bring noise. I think that we have a more consistent point of view than most news shows, I'll say that. '''Bulger:''' What's that point of view? '''Stewart:''' '''That theater doesn't make for authentic public discourse.'''

=== The Bill O'Reilly Factor Appearance (2010) ===
* "If [[Barack Obama|Obama]]'s a tyrant, he's a pretty tame tyrant. How many tyrants do you know that really suffer because they can't get [[w:cloture|cloture]]?"
* "[Fox News has] taken reasonable concerns about this president and this economy and turned it into a full-fledged panic about the next coming of [[Mao Zedong|Chairman Mao]]."
**Stewart on ''[[w:The O'Reilly Factor|The O'Reilly Factor]]'' ([http://crooksandliars.com/david-neiwert/what-bill-oreilly-edited-out-his-int Partial transcript])

=== [[w:Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear|Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear]] closing speech (2010) ===
:[http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/news/17389/228438 Closing speech of Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear] (30 October 2010) - [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JzGOiBXeD4 YouTube video]
* I can't control what people think this was. I can only tell you my intentions. This was not a rally to ridicule people of faith. Or people of activism or to look down our noses at the heartland or passionate argument or to suggest that times are not difficult and that we have nothing to fear. They are and we do. But '''we live now in hard times, not end times. And we can have animus and not be enemies.'''

* '''The country’s 24 hour political pundit perpetual panic conflictinator did not cause our problems but its existence makes solving them that much harder. ''' The press can hold its magnifying glass up to our problems bringing them into focus, illuminating issues heretofore unseen or they can use that magnifying glass to light ants on fire and then perhaps host a week of shows on the sudden, unexpected dangerous flaming ant epidemic. If we amplify everything we hear nothing.

* There are terrorists and racists and Stalinists and theocrats, but those are titles that must be earned. You must have the resume. Not being able to distinguish between real racists and tea partiers, or real bigots and [[w:Juan Williams|Juan Williams]] and [[w:Rick Sanchez|Rick Sanchez]] is an insult — not only to those people, but to the racists themselves, who have put forth the exhausting effort it takes to hate. Just as the inability to distinguish between terrorists and Muslims makes us less safe, not more.

* '''We hear every damn day about how fragile our country is — on the brink of catastrophe — torn by polarizing hate and how it’s a shame that we can’t work together to get things done, but the truth is we do. We work together to get things done every damn day! '''

* Most Americans don't live their lives solely as Democrats or Republicans or conservatives or liberals. Most Americans live their lives that are just a little bit late for something they have to do. Often it’s something they do not want to do, but they do it. Impossible things get done every day that are only made possible by the little, reasonable compromises.

* If you want to know why I’m here and what I want from you I can only assure you this: you have already given it to me. Your presence was what I wanted. Sanity will always be and has always been in the eye of the beholder. To see you here today and the kind of people that you are has restored mine. Thank you.

== Quotes about Stewart ==
[[File:Stewart_-_USO-Metro_Merit_Awards_3.jpg|thumb|right|Much of Stewart's humor seems to spring from an underlying terrain of world-weariness.]]
*The set is a news desk, and the nice-looking man behind it seems... um, troubled. About his life, perhaps? About the news? A touch of indigestion? It's hard to tell, but it becomes clear—and quickly—that he is funny. And smart. Jon Stewart presides over Comedy Central's The Daily Show, a blessed wedding of performer and format. Free of the burden of a full stand-up monologue, Stewart is able to put all his energy and wit into the news and guest spots. The word energy is almost too strong. '''Much of Stewart's humor seems to spring from an underlying terrain of world-weariness.''' [...] '''Repeat viewing of Stewart's shows reveals good things you missed the first time—smallish matters of voice shading, inflections and gestures begun but not completed.''' If you're a latecomer to his charms, you'll wish your alleged friends had demanded that you start watching a lot sooner. I'd like to see everything he has ever done.
**{{cite web |author=[[Dick Cavett]] |title=Jon Stewart |publisher=Time magazine official website|date=2001-07-09 |work=Time |url=http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1000286,00.html |accessdate=2009-04-04}}

<hr width="50%"/>
*Before Mr. Stewart, we didn’t expect much from nightly political humor. Late-night monologues were at best funny diversions, at worst toothless jabs pandering to the easiest stereotypes. ... The Daily Show didn’t just offer insightful, cutting analysis, clever parody and often hard-hitting interviews with major newsmakers. For an entire generation, it became the news, except this report could withstand the disruption of the Internet far better than the old media. If anything, the web only made The Daily Show, with its short segments, more essential. Every time a political scandal exploded or a candidate made headlines or a cable fight went viral, the first thought for many viewers was: '''I can’t wait to see what Jon Stewart will say about this'''.
** {{cite web |author=Jason Zinoman|title=A Late-Night Host Seamlessly Mixing Analysis, Politics and Humor|publisher=''NYT'' official website|date=2015-02-15|work=The New York Times |url=http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/11/arts/television/jon-stewart-seamlessly-mixing-analysis-politics-and-humor.html?|accessdate=2015-06-09}}

<hr width="50%"/>
*'''My boss is like, if you took Willy Wonka, and mixed him with Hitler.''' He's got like — he's crazy like Willie Wonka and he's psycho like Hitler. But he doesn't have a mustache.
** {{cite web |author=[[Ed Helms]] |title="American Resolutions: A Series of Human Interest Stories Used to Emotionally Manipulate You" |publisher=The Daily Show official website |date=2005-01-25 |work=The Daily Show |url=http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=114079&title=american-resolutions-job-hunting |accessdate=2009-03-29 }}

*Has your boss ever poured scalding hot Celestial Seasonings Lemon Zinger on to your arm? It doesn't just burn, OK? It's also citrus, and the citrus stings. And then he filled the pockets of my jacket with cockroaches. '''I work for a child.'''
** Ed Helms, ''The Daily Show'': "American Resolutions: A Series of Human Interest Stories Used to Emotionally Manipulate You"
<hr width="50%"/>
*In November, America elected a black man president after two disastrous terms of George W. Bush. Race was transcended. People were so angry that they tossed aside centuries-old prejudices. [...] Last night, America witnessed a non-comedian hosting the Oscars after two calamitous stints by you, '''Jon Stewart: The George W. Bush of Comedy.''' Jon, you angered the world ''so much'' they were willing to completely redefine their concept of what an Oscars host should be. And like a phoenix from the ashes of the two ''massive'' turds you laid on that stage, rose Hugh Jackman.
**{{cite web |author=John Oliver |title="81st Academy Awards" |publisher=The Daily Show official website |date=2009-02-23 |work=The Daily Show |url=http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=218390&title=81st-academy-awards |accessdate=2009-03-29 }}

*And that is your tragedy, Jon. ''[imitating Stewart and affecting falsetto]'' '''Look at me! I'm a sad clown!''' I hate you! I need you! I hate you! I need you! '''I don't want you, but I need constant attention and reinforcement from you laughter!'''
** John Oliver, ''The Daily Show'': "81st Academy Awards"
<hr width="50%"/>
*[[Stephen Colbert]] says that for all of Jon Stewart's acumen when it comes to politics and comedic timing, "The Daily Show" host and managing editor has no problem going lowbrow. '''"He knows when to break the glass, if necessary,"''' Colbert reasons.
**{{cite web |author=Levine, Stuart |title=Jon Stewart: 10 Years of The Daily Show |publisher=Variety |date=2009-01-20 |work=Variety magazine official website |url=http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117998821.html?categoryid=3523&cs=1 |accessdate=2009-04-04 }}

*"After coming back to the show, '''I was shocked at how much thought and distillation he personally puts into the script'''," ''[Stephen Colbert]'' says, "that care and unbelievable work ethic, and ability to consume information, digest and distill a story. '''He's telling us that this is the mechanics of the human interaction, and this is the actual message of the story.'''" '''Colbert says Stewart's intelligence (the host can read books and script pages at lightning speed) can't be overstated''', and that the show's mojo comes from stories Stewart brings to light that the traditional media fail to report. "He's naming what seems most ridiculous about the news, which is the personalities and the news itself," Colbert says. "It's only the overt game that's being reported."
**Stephen Colbert as quoted in {{cite web |title=Jon Stewart: 10 Years of The Daily Show |publisher=Variety |date=2009-01-20 |work=Variety magazine official website |url=http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117998821.html?categoryid=3523&cs=1 |accessdate=2009-04-04 }}

*A goal of Colbert while working as a correspondent on "The Daily Show" — one of his "greatest joys" — was whether he could make Stewart laugh in the middle of a segment. [...] "'''I knew the piece was good if he couldn't look at me when we were at the desk together'''," Colbert recalls. "We did much (fewer) green screen segments then. The highlight was when we were covering the Democratic convention in 2004, and I did a piece on Obama being the son of a goat farmer and I said I was the son of an Appalachian turd miner. Jon couldn't look at me for the entire thing."
**Stephen Colbert as quoted in {{cite web |title=Jon Stewart: 10 Years of The Daily Show |publisher=Variety |date=2009-01-20 |work=Variety magazine official website |url=http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117998821.html?categoryid=3523&cs=1 |accessdate=2009-04-04 }}

<hr width="50%"/>
*'''Now back to business as usual.'''
**Jim Cramer during the opening of the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtD9egNyxM8 first episode of ''Mad Money''] (2009-03-13) after his interview with Jon Stewart on ''The Daily Show.''

<hr width="50%"/>
*Stewart spent a couple of segments lecturing Paul Begala and me about how we were somehow “helping the politicians and the corporations,” a charge that baffled me then (I’ve never particularly liked either one), as it does now. '''Unlike most guests after an uncomfortable show, Stewart didn’t flee once it was over, but lingered backstage to press his point. With the cameras off, he dropped the sarcasm and the nastiness, but not the intensity.''' I can still picture him standing outside the makeup room, gesticulating as the rest of us tried to figure out what he was talking about. It was one of the weirdest things I have ever seen. Finally, I had to leave to make a dinner. Stewart shook my hand with what seemed like friendly sincerity and continued to lecture our staff. An hour later, one of my producers called me, sounding desperate. Stewart was still there, and still talking.
**{{cite web |author=[[Tucker Carlson]] |title=How Jon Stewart Went Bad |publisher=The Daily Beast |date=2009-03-18 |url=http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-03-18/how-jon-stewart-went-bad/full/ |accessdate=2009-04-04 }}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_daily_show/index.jhtml Comedy Central: The Daily Show]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Stewart, Jon}}
[[Category:People from New Jersey]]
[[Category:American actors]]
[[Category:Television personalities]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:Jews]]
[[Category:Film directors]]

Ben Stiller

2016-08-10T02:17:41Z

StjJackson:

[[File:Ben stiller2.jpg|thumb|As you get older, you realize you need balance. If it’s not fun, what’s the point?]]
'''[[w:Ben Stiller|Benjamin Edward "Ben" Stiller]]''' (born [[November 30]], [[1965]]) is an American comedian, actor, writer, film director, and producer.

== Quotes ==
[[File:WilsonAdamsStillerMay09.jpg|thumb|There's an old saying in Hollywood: It's not the length of your film, it's how you use it.]]


* All those rumors about her being underweight are trash. She's gorgeous.
** On [[w:Calista Flockhart|Calista Flockhart]]; reported at [http://www.salon.com/people/col/reit/2000/11/01/npwed Salon.com (1 November 2000)]

* '''There's an old saying in Hollywood: It's not the length of your film, it's how you use it.'''
** Reported in ''Inside Oscar 2'' (2002) by Damien Bona

* '''People like to define you through what they’ve seen you do''' … There are aspects of my personality, I guess, that come through on-screen, but '''I don’t sit around thinking, I’ve been a bumbling suitor all my life.'''
** As quoted in [http://www.rd.com/your-america-inspiring-people-and-stories/ben-stiller-born-funny/article44068.html "Born Funny" by Margot Dougherty ''Reader's Digest'' (September 2007)]

* '''When I didn’t have a family, I was much more of a workaholic''' … I still like to work, but I also want to be home with them. '''As you get older, you realize you need balance. If it’s not fun, what’s the point?'''
** As quoted in "Born Funny" by Margot Dougherty in ''Reader's Digest'' (September 2007)

* We covered "[[w:Hey, Jude|Hey Jude]]." My father panicked, misunderstanding the lyrics and thinking our lead singer was belting out "Hey, Jew" to a roomful of Holocaust survivors.
** As quoted in ''The Best Book of Useless Information Ever'' (2007) by Noel Botham, p. 19

*We go way back. We went to the same school, John Quincy Adams Elementary in Sacramento. I was in 4th grade, he was in 1st. I was the big, tall, beefy, muscular kid, he was the much smaller, shorter bully magnet. I got wedgies and ate turkey and cheese. He got swirlies and ate PB&J. We're the best of friends and we've done 11 movies together. So, yeah, me and Owen Wilson are tight as can be.
**Discussing his friendship with [[w:Owen Wilson|Owen Wilson]] in an interview with People Magazine (August 2013)
(Note: Stiller had forgotten the name of his elementary school at the time of the interview)

==See also==
* [[:Category:Ben Stiller films]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{imdb name|id=0001774|name=Ben Stiller}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Stiller, Ben}}
[[Category:American actors]]
[[Category:American authors]]
[[Category:Film directors]]
[[Category:Film producers]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:Living people]]

Fred Willard

2016-08-10T02:17:29Z

StjJackson:

[[File:FredWillardApr2011.jpg|thumb|Fred Willard, 2011]]
'''[[w:Fred Willard|Frederick Willard]]''' (born [[September 18]], [[1939]]) is an American actor, comedian, voice actor, and writer, best known for his improvisational comedy.

{{people-stub}}
==Quotes==
* A great [[film director|director]] is someone who makes you feel like you're moving forward.
** In: ''Fred Willard Quotes - Fred Willard on Comedy, Celebrity ...'' at esquire.com, Dec. 20, 2010.

* When you get to a certain age, it's kind of the same thing. There's no new school to go to, no new teachers. There's some comfort in that.
** In: ''Fred Willard Quotes - Fred Willard on Comedy, Celebrity ...'' at esquire.com, Dec. 20, 2010.

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{imdb name|id=929609|name=Fred Willard}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Willard, Fred}}
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:American actors]]
[[Category:Comedians]]
[[Category:People from Ohio]]

Richard Pryor

2016-08-10T02:16:50Z

StjJackson:

[[File:Richard Pryor (1986) (cropped).jpg|thumb|Richard Pryor]]

'''[[w:Richard Pryor|Richard Franklin Lennox Thomas Pryor]]''' ([[December 1]], [[1940]] – [[December 10]], [[2005]]) was an American comedian, actor, film director, [[w:social criticism|social critic]], satirist, writer, and [[w:Master of ceremonies|MC]].

== Quotes ==

* …I expected Dracula to come jumping out any second. If he did I'd have held up a cross, cause he's allergic to bullshit.
** At the end of track 9 "Religion" on his 1971 comedy album "Craps (After Hours)".

* Let me tell you what really happened... Every night before I go to bed, I have milk and cookies. One night I mixed some low-fat milk and some pasteurized, then I dipped my cookie in and the shit blew up.
** At the start of a routine about his freebasing accident. ''Live At The Sunset Strip'' (1982) [album and movie]

* Why me? Ten million motherfuckers freebasing, and ''I'm'' the one who blows up!
**''Live at the Sunset Strip'' (1982)

* I went through every phone book in Africa, and I didn't find one god damned Pryor!
** On trying to find his roots. ''Live At The Sunset Strip'' (1982)

* I went to penitentiary one time, not me personally, but me and Gene went there for a movie. "Arizona State Penitentiary" Population: 80 percent black people. But there are no black people in Arizona, they have to bus motherfuckers in!
**On prison. ''Live At the Sunset Strip'' (1982)

* When that fire hit your ass, it will sober your ass up ''quick!'' I saw something, I went, "Well, that's a pretty blue. You know what? That looks like... '''FIRE!''' Fire is inspirational. They should use it in the Olympics, because I ran the 100 in 4.3.
**On setting himself on fire. ''Live At the Sunset Strip'' (1982)

* When I was in Africa, this voice came to me and said, "Richard, what do you see?" I said, I see all types of people." The voice said, "But do you see any niggers?" I said, "No." It said, "Do you know why? 'Cause there aren't any."
**On race. ''Live at the Sunset Strip'' (1982)

*There are only two pieces of pussy you're gonna get in your entire life, that's your first and your last.
**On sex. ''Live at the Sunset Strip'' (1982)

* I don't want to go through life as a Wonder Wheel murderer!
** ''The Toy'' (1982)

* Have you ever noticed how quiet you get when you go in the woods? It's almost like you know that God's there.
** [http://www.guardian.co.uk/arts/columns/laughingmatters/story/0,12231,1229891,00.html "The time of his life" ~ ''The Guardian'' (7 June 2004)]

* I'd like to die like my father died... My father died fucking. My father was 57 when he died. The woman was 18. My father came and went at the same time.
** "The time of his life" ~ ''The Guardian'' (7 June 2004)

* You gotta be cool when you're macho man, cuz you can't be sensitive and care about someone having a good time in bed, cuz that's too scary... When you don't use sensitivity when you're having sex, or share some of your soul, nothing gonna happen, because men really get afraid. Men really get scared in bed.
** "The time of his life" ~ ''The Guardian'' (7 June 2004)

=== Web-posts ===
* Sick of hearing this shit about me not talking... not true... good days, bad days... but I still am a talkin motherfucker!
** [http://www.richardpryor.com/forums/msgs.cfm?msg=24261&forum=6 Post on his official website rebutting reports he had lost his voice.]

* [[Rosa Parks]] showed us all that one little person can make a whole bunch of noise without so much as a whisper. She showed the world that the color of your skin shouldn't determine what part of the bus you sit in... as you ride through life.
** [http://www.richardpryor.com/forums/msgs.cfm?msg=38560&forum=6 Post] on US civil rights activist [[w:Rosa Parks|Rosa Parks]].

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}
* [http://www.richardpryor.com Official website]
* [http://www.museum.tv/archives/etv/P/htmlP/pryorrichar/pryorrichar.htm Brief biography at TV]
* {{imdb name|id=0001640|name=Richard Pryor}}
* [http://www.guardian.co.uk/arts/columns/laughingmatters/story/0,12231,1229891,00.html 'The time of his life' in ''The Guardian'' (7 June 2004)]
* [http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2099-1628622_1,00.html Interview with Pryor's wife, Jennifer Lee Pryor in ''The Times'' (5 June 2005)]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Pryor, Richard}}
[[Category:American actors]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:2005 deaths]]
[[Category:People from Illinois]]
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Penn & Teller

2016-08-10T02:16:37Z

StjJackson:

[[File:Penn and Teller (1988).jpg|thumb|right|Teller and Penn at the 1988 Emmy Awards.]]
'''[[w:Penn & Teller|Penn & Teller]]''' are a two-man magic and comedy team, '''[[Penn Jillette|Penn Fraser Jillette]]''' (born [[5 March]] [[1955]]) and '''[[w:Teller (entertainer)|Teller]]''' (born '''Raymond Joseph Teller''', [[14 February]] [[1948]]). All the quotes from the duo come from Penn, except where noted, as Teller is famously silent.

== Sourced ==

* The idea of [[drugs|mind-altering substances]] gives me the willies. Fill your tank with nitro, the car goes fast, sure, but not far.
** Teller in [http://labiker.com/moss/ Pete Moss interview] (21 March 2001)

* This I believe: I believe there is no god.
** Penn Jillette in "This I Believe", ''Morning Edition.'' NPR. WVGR, Grand Rapids. 21 November 2005 ([http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5015557 NPR : There is no God])

* '''Teller''': Will you shut up! '''Homer Simpson''': Hey, I thought you didn't talk. '''Teller''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, I didn't mean to... it just slipped out. Oh god, now Penn's gonna beat me...I'm not the first Teller.
** ''[[The Simpsons]]'', "[[w:Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder|Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder]]"

== See also ==

* ''[[Penn & Teller: Bullshit!]]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.pennandteller.com/ Penn & Teller's official website]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Penn and Teller}}
[[Category:Americans]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:Magicians]]
[[Category:Skeptics]]

Patton Oswalt

2016-08-10T02:16:07Z

StjJackson:

[[File:Patton Oswalt by Gage Skidmore.jpg|thumb|Patton Oswalt]]

'''[[w:Patton Oswalt|Patton John Oswalt]]''' (born [[January 27]], [[1969]]) is an American stand-up comedian, writer and actor.

== Quotes ==

* In this age of cynicism, bipartisanship and personal cowardice, it’s refreshing to find a group of people willing to die for what they believe.
** [[Patton Oswalt]] [http://www.identitytheory.com/periodicals-of-yesteryear-the-last-issue-of-the-nose/]

=== ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_Reason_to_Complain No Reason To Complain]'' (2006) ===

=== ''[[w:Werewolves and Lollipops|Werewolves and Lollipops]]'' (2007) ===
* Every time I'm on a TV show, and I have a ''[sexually explicit]'' line, they never say, "Don't say that! At all!" Because I wouldn't; I know you're not supposed to say that. Instead they say: "Can you find a cute, G-rated way to say that?" Okay. Cleaned-up, G-rated filth is ''way'' creepier than straight-up filth. Which is creepier: "I wanna shove my hard cock in your wet pussy", or "I'm gonna fill your hoo-hah with goof juice!" That line right there is completely G-rated. You can say that on TV. And that's ''fucking horrifying''. ...Try saying that in bed, "I'm gonna fill your hoo-hah with goof juice," and prepare for the wintery freshness of Mace.
* If the standard for being impeached is 'getting a blowjob' or 'covering up a burglary', then shouldn't Bush have been executed by now?
* They had a class at my college called "Physics for Poets!" Hey there, theatre fags and English queers! Put on some pantaloons and a scarf and take a bracing shot of absinthe and skip on down through a field of gilly-flowers to the Physics department, where we'll teach you about the music of the spheres! Wihout using any ''scaaary numbers!'' And you can ask questions like, "Is the red planet Mercury like the crimson eye of Cerberus?" Whatever, D'Artagnan, sit the fuck down. Let's just get you through this.
* I was thinking the other day about a time machine...and the first thing I thought of doing if I actually had a time machine, is that I would go back in time to about 1993 or '94, and kill [[George Lucas]] with a shovel.
* I don't give a shit where the stuff I love comes from! I JUST LOVE THE STUFF I LOVE! Hey, do you like Angelina Jolie? Does she give you a big boner? Well, here's Jon Voight's ballsack!
* I love the fact that I grew up in [[w:Sterling, Virginia|Sterling]], I really do. Because when you're growing up in a nondescript, soulless, boring town, you've been given a present from God. And the present is: The Test of the Small Town. And you pass that test when you go, "I'm leaving before I kill everyone and then myself." That's when you pass. You have passed. You fail when you go, "I'll get a job at the Citgo and fill my truck up for free!" Ooops, you fucked up. And the person who administers your test, year after year, until you can't take it any more until you can't take it and you leave, is the movie critic on the local news. That's the guy whose job it is to keep everything [[relevant]] and cool and important away from you. You have to get off your ass and go find it on your own initiative.
* ''[on KFC's Famous Bowls]'' I just want kind of a light brown hillock of glop. If you could put my lunch in a blender, and liquefy it, and then put it into a caulking gun and inject it right into my femoral artery, even better! But until you invent a lunch gun, I would like a failure pile in a sadness bowl!
* Hey Patton, looks like Paris Hilton's writing a book. And I go, 'She's a cunt who should die of AIDS.' They go, (nervously) 'Ah ha ha, OK! Heey!! Alright.. Um, OK, follow-up question. She's also coming out with a line of handbags,' 'As long as she gets AIDS, that's fine with me, man. If she could get cancer of the AIDS of the leukemia of the eyes, that'd be awesome. If like, a biker could fuck that into her skull...'

=== ''[[w:My Weakness Is Strong|My Weakness Is Strong]]'' (2009) ===
* If another one of my Whole-Foods friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet.
* ''[on [[Barack Obama]]'s election]'' Do you realize for the next four years America is gonna be a cool eighties cop flick? "Barack, get your ass in my office now! Did you balance the budget again?!" "Yeah, it was just sitting there, chief..." "''You wrecked twenty cars''! Senate's gonna have my ass for this." "Eh, whatever, chief." And he rides away in a Camaro on two wheels.
*The night we elected Obama, CNN had holograms. They had fucking holograms. We have Star Wars technology now. What if that means Barack is gonna to be the miracle he seems to be? What if this really is the dawning of an amazing age? He gets in there, fixes the economy, gets us out of Iraq and Afghanistan. We've got Osama Bin Laden and George Bush in dunking booths filled with urine. You can just throw apples at em all day. And then what if he starts slinging amazing future technology on us. You know suddenly we get hover boots and teleportation pills and there's floating cars everywhere. At that point, would there be like two remaining holdout racists left? Like the last two guys down in Arkansas, in their hover boots? Just going, "Yeah, there's that nigger that gave us anti-gravity. I'm gonna be late to the cross burning. My free government blowjob robot broke. Fucking bullshit. This guy's the worst president ever. Just like a black guy to give you a blowjob robot for free and it breaks after 6 years. This sucks."
* I didn't realize how bad my outlook on life is until I went on a press tour for ''Ratatouille'' and had to talk to children's magazines and children's TV shows. And I wasn't interviewed by adults — I was interviewed by actual smiling children. And I didn't realize until that point how ''desperately'' I depend on negativity and cynicism just to communicate with the outside world. It's pathetic. The Oswalt family crest should just be a pair of eyes rolling off to the side, a bag of Cheetos, and then the word "fuck". That would be our shield that you'd see retreating from the great battles of history. "Fuck this — bows and arrows? Nobody told me anything about bows and arrows, goodbye."
*I’m an atheist and I love religion. And I don’t love religion in a snarky mean-spirited way; I unabashedly, sincerely love that we have religion because if we didn’t, we wouldn’t be here right now; being all postmodern and ironic. There'd be no civilization. If no one invented religion, we'd be fucked right now.Because at the dawn of man, civilization was the biggest and the strongest...and that’s as far as we're gonna go. It was whoever was the biggest fucked, killed, ate anything they wanted. That was it! Civilization was a huge psychopath with a club going ‘I’m gonna have rape for dinner.’ That was it! That’s as far as we were gonna go. And then one of my ancestors, some weakling, said ‘Look there’s no way I can beat that guy, but what if I trick him into thinking that if he doesn’t kill and rape people while he’s down here, when he dies there’s a magic city in the clouds and he can go up and have all the cake he wants?’ Now that’s not a very well formed plan but he went and told the big psycho. And the psycho heard that and said ‘Uhh, I like cake.’ “BOOM! There you go! That was the beginning of civilization. Now we can work on fire and writing and agriculture. That’s religion. It’s the ol’ sky cake dodge; it worked! And by the way, things were great for a while. But then, what was happening then was that shit was going on all over the planet. They would just use different deserts. They would tell them about sky cookies, or sky pie, or sky baklava. So as each of these civilizations grew, they built ships; they'd go visit each other, and the one guy would walk off the boat and go,'Hey, did you hear the good news about the sky baklava?' and the first guy went,'It's CAKE, motherfucker! You're dead!'...

=== ''[[w:Finest Hour (album)|Finest Hour]]'' (2011) ===

:''[On seeing ''Jerry Maguire'' with his brother, who hated it]''

* In the middle of Tom Cruise's speech, there's this sudden, dramatic pull-in to his face, and there's tears in his eyes, and he says, "we live in a cynical world," and that's when my brother went, "FUCK YOU!" at the top of his... oh, my God. That was...it was such a horrible, rude thing to yell, and I was laughing so hard. I could not get the air in to make the sound of laughter. People ask me, "what is your favorite comedy of all time?" ''Jerry Maguire'', when my brother yells, "fuck you!" at Tom Cruise. It is a 90-minute setup to one punchline. It's like not jerking off for ten years, and then painting the garage! Oh, my God, I'm seeing dead kings!

=== ''[[w:Patton Oswalt: Tragedy Plus Comedy Equals Time|Patton Oswalt: Tragedy Plus Comedy Equals Time]]'' (2014) ===

* When I was 25, all I did was just scream, "Sellout! Fucking sellouts. Corporate sellout. Industry bullshit. Meh-meh-meh." I look back on it and I realized, "oh, I was screaming 'sellout' because nobody wanted to buy what I was selling."

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Oswalt, Patton}}
[[Category:American actors]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:People from Virginia]]
[[Category:Stand-up comedians]]

Patrice O'Neal

2016-08-10T02:15:58Z

StjJackson:

'''[[w:Patrice O'Neal|Patrice Malcolm Oneal]]''' ([[December 7]], [[1969]] – [[November 29]], [[2011]]), usually credited as "Patrice O'Neal", was an American stand-up comedian, radio personality, and actor.

==The Opie and Anthony radio show==
*I said to my girl, "the reason you have a key (to my house) is to keep me from having other women in my house. I give you an open invitation." See, she wants me to go, "because I love you and I trust you, and I want you to trust me." It's because the fear of my girl walking in will keep me from having a young broad sitting on top of my counter. But she wants that to be because I love her so much, but it's just to protect me from my own manness. - September 24, 2008

*A beautiful 35-year old ain't as good-looking as an ugly 19-year old. - September 24, 2008

*(after host Anthony Cumia complained that a black, female bartender once refused to give him an extra drink, even after he had tipped her $20): Let me tell you, black people are very sensitive about context. (You meant), "sweetie, no disrespect, here's a twenty," but (she took it as), "here, fat nigga-leen, take this twenty and you will be giving me my beers, all day, at my request, you fat fuck." She smelled it on you, so she said, "take your twenty and shove it up your ass, cracker devil." - December 15, 2010

*(on the killing of Osama Bin Laden): I watched the Bin Laden thing, and you know, there's what's called the "conspiracy nuts" and whatever, and the thing that gets me is that when there is one little question, that makes you go, "what?" That we don't galvanize and say, "no, no, no, you're not allowed to say anything else until we cover this. Give me a straight answer, because flushing Bin Laden down the ocean, like he's cocaine, from The Goodfellas, it doesn't prove anything." You know, somebody like (Sean) Hannity would make me sound like a complete idiot if I went on his show and went, "he flushed him down the fucking ocean!" But, it's just, you go, "there's nothing that makes you go, what?"- May 10, 2011
*If you tell me 2 + 2 is 4, and I know it is, then you... shove marbles up your ass, I go "damn, Anthony shoves marbles in his ass?"
But [the fact that you shove marbles in your ass] doesn't invalidate 2 + 2 =4.
May 10, 2011
*People always say "don't you support the troops?"
But the troops are an entity that just follows orders.
It's not about individuals or people.
So when I say "I don't support the troops" I'm saying I don't support the bankers and politicians who are making them do what they do.

May 10, 2011

*(on the entertainment business): This business is the beast and it eats everybody and shits them out. But here's what's funny about the beast: it's a neverending line of people who want to get in the mouth and get chewed up and shit out. It's because, when you get in the belly, you get $2 million a week. And when you get shit out, you're a pile back there. And you have the option to wait to get back in line, and wait to go get back in the beast, and get eaten and shit out! And we line up! And I didn't even get to the beast yet. 20 years! See, when the beast pick you up, to put you in its' mouth, you shinin'. People see you. Sometimes, see what "15 minutes of fame" is, when the beast throws somebody down, they, that was reality (show) people. This one was an athlete that had one good year. And you throw him down. Now, you see, "ooh, that looks like a delicious young thing there." Eat, chew. That's why I love Charlie Sheen so much: he was in the belly. When you making $2 million a week doing anything, you're in the absolute belly, and for that fucker to betray his position in the business, to actually give the beast indigestion, was spectacular. He was a martyr. And Mel Gibson, too! He could have been the beast, he was so big. And they turned on him, you know what I'm saying? So, anybody that gets that deep and turns on the beast, man, you've got to root for him, no matter what, because they're martyrs, because no one's going to stand up for them. And then, Hollywood, they tell you who to hate. Like when they rose up against him, to not be on The Hangover 2. The movie was about trannies, people getting fucked in the ass, drugs, death, and Mike Tyson, who got a rape conviction. And you motherfuckers decide to gang up on Mel Gibson? He can't play a tattoo artist in The Hangover 2?! It's not hypocrisy, because that's a human thing. It's something else. - June 15, 2011

*This is my question, for life: have we retired the phrase, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me"? Is it legal for me to say, "I endorse hate speech, I don't give a fuck"? I want hate speech. Why can't I hate you...in speech? - June 15, 2011

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:O'Neal, Patrice}}
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:American actors]]
[[Category:Radio personalities]]
[[Category:2011 deaths]]
[[Category:People from New York]]
[[Category:African Americans]]

Conan O'Brien

2016-08-10T02:15:47Z

StjJackson:

[[File:O'Brien, Conan (crop).jpg|200px|thumb|right|"There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized." - Commencement Address at Dartmouth College, 2011]]
'''[[w:Conan O'Brien|Conan O'Brien]]''' is an Emmy Award-winning writer, television host, and comedian, primarily known as the host of ''[[w:Late Night with Conan O'Brien|Late Night with Conan O'Brien]]'' and also ''[[w:The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien|The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien]]''.

==Sourced==
===''The Tonight Show''===
[[File:Tilda_Swinton_crop.jpg|144px|thumb|right|I just have one last request: HBO, when you make the movie about this whole NBC late night fiasco, I’d like to be played by Academy-Award winning actress Tilda Swinton. - January 22, 2010 Monologue]]

* Now that this mess is almost behind me – I just have one last request: HBO, when you make the movie about this whole NBC late night fiasco, I’d like to be played by Academy-Award winning actress Tilda Swinton.
** January 22, 2010 Monologue [http://weblogs.variety.com/on_the_air/ ''Variety'', 23 Jan 2010]

* Before we end this rodeo, a few things need to be said. There has been a lot of speculation in the press about what I legally can and can't say about NBC. To set the record straight, tonight I am allowed to say anything I want. And what I want to say is this: between my time at ''Saturday Night Live'', the ''Late Night'' show, and my brief run here on ''The Tonight Show'', I have worked with NBC for over twenty years. Yes, we have our differences right now and yes, we're going to go our separate ways. But this company has been my home for most of my adult life. I am enormously proud of the work we have done together, and I want to thank NBC for making it all possible. Walking away from ''The Tonight Show'' is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Making this choice has been enormously difficult. This is the best job in the world, I absolutely love doing it, and I have the best staff and crew in the history of the medium. But despite this sense of loss, I really feel this should be a happy moment. Every comedian dreams of hosting ''The Tonight Show'' and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret a second. I've had more good fortune than anyone I know and if our next gig is doing a show in a 7-Eleven parking lot, we'll find a way to make it fun. And finally, I have to say something to our fans. The massive outpouring of support and passion from so many people has been overwhelming. The rallies, the signs, all the goofy, outrageous creativity on the Internet, and the fact that people have traveled long distances and camped out all night in the pouring rain to be in our audience, made a sad situation joyous and inspirational. To all the people watching, I can never thank you enough for your kindness to me and I'll think about it for the rest of my life. '''All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.''' As proof, let’s make an amazing thing happen right now. Here to close out our show, are a few good friends, led by Mr. [[Will Ferrell]]…
** Final words, January 22, 2010 [http://www.tvguide.com/News/Conans-Words-Tonight-1014105.aspx TV Guide news]
*Today I interviewed a squirrel in my backyard and then threw to commercial. Somebody help me.
**First Tweet on Twitter, February 24, 2010 [http://twitter.com/conanobrien Twitter]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:O'Brien, Conan}}
[[Category:Americans]]
[[Category:Authors]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:People from Massachusetts]]

Larry the Cable Guy

2016-08-10T02:14:40Z

StjJackson:

[[File:Larry the Cable Guy.jpg|thumb|Larry the Cable Guy]]

'''Daniel Lawrence Whitney''' (born [[February 17]], [[1963]]), better known by the stage name '''[[w:Larry the Cable Guy|Larry the Cable Guy]]''', is an American stand-up comedian and actor. He is one of the co-stars of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, a comedy troupe which also includes Bill Engvall, Jeff Foxworthy, and Ron White, with whom he has starred on Blue Collar TV.

Larry the Cable Guy has released five comedy albums, of which three have been certified gold by the RIAA for shipments of 500,000 copies. In addition, he has starred in three Blue Collar Comedy Tour-related movies, as well as in the films Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Delta Farce, and Witless Protection. He also performed the voice of Mater in the Disney/Pixar film Cars.

== Quotes ==
===''Git-R-Done'' (album)===
* ''[In reference to Playstation Football]'' Here's an idea! Why don't they make a button that says frickin' "pass"!
* Then there's a feller who got hit by a train! How the - how the heck do y'get hit by a train! I mean it's not like it'll jump up and attack ya at the last minute or nothin'! There's, like, a railroad there to give ya, y'know, a ''heads up sign''! I tell ya, if you ever gonna get hit by a train, do this: [steps to side] TA-DA! There ya go! Attaboy!
* This lady's suin' ''everybody'' in the whole friggin' county! She's like-- she's like, "My husband got his leg bit by a shark and no one jumped in and saved him!" No shit, lady! It's a friggin' shark! Get off your fat ass and save him! That's jus' like asking a retard to go out and beat up Jackie Chan! Well, the waterhead's gonna get his ass kicked! I tell ya, put that shark out in the parking lot of Walmart, I'll kick the shit outa him! I'll beat him silly ''all'' day long!
*Oh like you never did that before! Every man - ''every man'' has done this! Just tuck your weiner between your legs, run around your house, lookit at yourself in the mirror, and say, "Oh, hey there, I'm Roseanne!" You know, like on the Rosie O'Fatass show.
* That was scarier than Richard Simmons chasin' after you with a box of rubbers!
* Boy I tell you what, if I were a girl, I'd never shave! I'd look like I'm smuggling around Chewbacca in my underbritches!

===''Git-R-Done'' (book)===
*(intro) Well, here we go. This is the first book I've written since 1975, when I was in the 7th grade and wrote ''Boogers Are Good Eatin<nowiki>'</nowiki>''. (p. 1).

*I used to be a bitch. I met her at Hooters. She didn't have big boobs, but she could turn her head in a circle just like an owl. (p. 2).

*A great-great grandpa (there might be another great in there, I'm not sure) offered a gun and horse to anyone that would join the Confederacy in '64. Who cares if it was 1964. Give the guy a break. He had Alzheimer's and thought he was [[Jefferson Davis]]. (p. 5).

*Actually, you can make pretty good cash on stage without being a comedian or a stripper. My brother once won a talent contest by fartin' the song "Dixie" through an oil funnel. He not only took home 500 bucks, he got to meet Regis after the show. Who says dreams don't come true? (p. 11).

*I went to the Talladega 500 with a girl I had just met. She was very sweet with childlike qualities. No titties! (p. 113).

*I got so pissed I took a little poll to see if anyone was sick of gettin' taxed as much as I am. I called 100 people one night and here's the results: everyone I polled said, "You dumb ass, it's three o'clock in the morning!" (p. 131).

*Have you noticed lately how video games are getting way more sexually explicit and violent? I really gotta buy me one of them games! (p. 197).

*[M]y buddy [[Ron White|Ron (Tater Salad) White]] talks about drinking my dip cup accidentally to swallow some aspirin. I was there when it happened and laughed my ass off. Was he amused? Of course not, but since it wasn't me drinkin' week-old Skoal spit it was downright comical! (p. 230).

=== ''[[w:Morning Constitutions|Morning Constitutions]]'' (2007) ===
*I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, "Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!"

*My mom went to that same doctor and got a butt lift. It's a little too lifted, I think, alright. Now every time she farts only dogs can hear it.

*I was madder than a pervert with palsy trying to open up a condom wrapper, I'll tell you what.

*I was madder than a quadriplegic with a stag full of scratch off tickets, I'll tell you what.

*Them ''[gas]'' prices are higher than a bus load of Mexicans at the [[wikipedia:Los Lobos|Los Lobos]] concert.

*You can always tell when gas is expensive. You always see street gangs doing walk-bys.

*At first I didn't even realize she was pregnant. I kinda gotten used to her throwing up every time we had sex...

*She was worried about childbirth too cause she's little, you know. She's all scared. She's like, "When I have this kid, I want to be knocked out and unconscious." And I'm like "That's how ya were when you got pregnant!" That's full circle, right there! I did feel bad. That's tough. I'm tellin' ya. I felt horrible for her. Just pushing, and sweating, and screaming at the top of her lungs, and pushing and sweating, biting down on a stick...Ugh! Now she knows how I feel after a couple of Hot Pockets. You ever eat them Hot Pockets? Good Lord! I was backed up like a urinal on Saint Patrick's Day after eating them damn things. It was embarrassing. She's in the bed, giving b-''[Grunting]'' I'm on the toilet next to her, ''[grunting]'' You know? I'm like "I need another Epidural in here if you got one!"

*Did you know that when a baby poops its diaper, you're ''not'' supposed to hit him with a rolled up newspaper?

*Good Lord, I went in for a check up the other day and the doctor said "You need to lay off eggs." I go "Is my cholesterol bad?" He said "No, you're farts are killing everybody in this room."

*You ever go eat breakfast at Denny's, and then go to the toilet and sit in there so long you gotta order lunch from the stool? You ever do that? Now I know why they call it the Grand Slam?

*I was madder than a Keebler elf getting demoted to fudge-packer.

*You know, you can tell the difference between a terrorist and a toddler. On a terrorist, the diaper is gonna be on the head, all right? That's how you can tell the difference. ''[very loud applause]'' It's upsetting. Unbelievable. They got absolutely nothing in common except both diapers are full of crap.

*If you're in a [[wikipedia:Gay Mafia|Gay Mafia]] and you get whacked, is that good or bad? ''[gay voice]'' Say hello to my little friend.

*Had a buddy of mine caught a rainbow trout, and threw it back. He said he didn't want a gay fish.

*I like to hunt. We went to a nuclear power and hunted in the woods next to it. I got a 34-point rabbit in there. We always go at night. It's easier. All the critters glow in the dark out there.

*Chenney shots his buddy in the face. Clinton shot his [[wikipedia:Monica Lewinsky|intern]] in the face.

*''[about Fruit of the Loom]'' What does fruit got to do with underbritches? I guess it's to remind us when we take them down we go, "Oh, I should've eaten more fruit today. I guess."

*That show ''Biggest Loser'' is a dumb show. If I wanted to see fat people struggle with their weight, I'd go to my family reunion!

=== ''[[w:Tailgate Party (album)|Tailgate Party]]'' (2009) ===
*A buddy of mine was mad at his son the other day 'cause he got caught having sex with his teacher. I thought, "Hey, that's pretty cool!" Problem was, he was home-schooled.
* I'll tell ya the one thing you don't wanna buy at the dollar store - toilet paper. (laughs) I might as well have just used the dollar.
* Do you get so drunk you hump a cupholder?
* OJ isn't going to jail — he just changed his name to BJ.
* I was madder then a mosquito in a mannequin factory.
* Do deaf people have alarm clocks? I asked a deaf guy that one time, the sumbitch just stared at me.
* We always have a tradition at our family reunion, we always have the family tug-of-war, and this year it was my dad's side of the family against my sister-in-law. She wins every year! I swear, she runs on diesel. That's a fat bastard, right there! She went on a diet one time, Little Debbie laid off 500 employees. Last Halloween, she dressed in white, came as a blizzard.
* I like Halloween, you people like Halloween? ''[Audience cheers]'' I love it, too. My brother got in trouble last Halloween for toilet-papering people's houses. He said, "Dude, I didn't know that was illegal!" I said, "It ain't, but you are supposed to use fresh toilet paper. Pull your pants up and stop pooping in those pumpkins, too! For God's sake, you're the sheriff!"
* Did you hear about the high school football coach who got in trouble for letting his players have sex with his wife? How does that work? "Robinson! Get in there!"

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

[[Category:American actors]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Baptists]]

Eddie Murphy

2016-08-10T02:14:15Z

StjJackson:

[[File:Eddie Murphy 2010.jpg|thumb|Eddie Murphy]]

[[w:Eddie Murphy|'''Edward Regan Murphy''']] (born [[April 3]], [[1961]], in Brooklyn, New York) is a Golden Globe-winning actor (2007) and comedian, for performance at ''Beverly Hills Cop'', ''Trading Places'', ''The Nutty Professor'', and most recently ''[[Tower Heist]]''. He has also enjoyed a minor singing career.

== Sourced ==

=== ''[[w:Eddie Murphy Delirious|Eddie Murphy Delirious]]'' (1983) ===

* A bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?" And the rabbit says, "No." So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

* There's somethin' about singing, that is the business! You sing, women go crazy! 'Cause Mick Jagger is an ugly motherfucker...with big-ass lips! Mick Jagger's lips so big, black people be goin', 'He got some big-ass lips! These are big motherfuckin' lips!'

* Michael Jackson, who can sing, and is a good lookin' guy...but ain't the most masculine fellow in the world.

* You don't even have to be able to talk. Just sing and get famous. 'Cause James Brown's been singin' 30 years. I don't know what the fuck James is talkin' about!

* ''(About Stevie Wonder)'' I got mad, I was hanging out with Stevie two months ago. I said, 'Look, Steve, I get too much motherfuckin' flak over this impression. I don't like doin' it, I ain't doin' this shit no more.' Stevie said, 'Well, I feel that...' I said, 'Shut the fuck up, Steve.' 'Cause you've gotta cut Steve off, 'cause if he get a roll goin' he'll talk your ears off! You ever see Steve win a Grammy and go up and give one of them long ass acceptance speeches? They say, 'And the winner is Stevie Wonder!' Stevie be goin, 'I'd just like to say...all the people in the world today...God's children...' 'Look, just take the motherfuckin' award and get the fuck out!' 'Cause the credits be rollin' and Stevie be up there goin' 'And I'd like to thank...' I be in the car, I just said 'Shut the fuck up, Steve. I'm tellin' you, you a genius and all that shit, but you my boy, man, we hangin', man. It's nice and shit, but I don't appreciate all the flak. And personally, the piano and the singin' and all that, I told you how I feel about singin' man, I ain't impressed. You wanna impress me, take the wheel for a while, motherfucker!'

* ''(Impersonating an angry fan)'' 'I heard that shit, man! That shit wasn't funny! Then I suppose in your little sketch, Stevie crashed into a tree, right? Ha ha, very funny, motherfucker! Your mother got a wooden leg with a kick-stand, motherfucker! Your mother got a mouth in the back of her neck and the bitch chew like this!' ''(Nods his head up and down)''

* ''(Impersonating his father, drunk at the family cookout)'' Gus?! What the fuck is wrong with your wife?! Why can't she walk a flight of steps?! You come here every year, Gus, and you burn down my motherfuckin' backyard, and your wife rips down the steps! Why?! I work hard to get my place beautiful! And then the motherfucker come over and rip the steps down! Look at the motherfuckin' steps, they're fucked up, Gus! Why can't she walk the steps? You know why she can't walk the steps? 'Cause she's a fat, hairy bitch!!

* ''(Impersonating his father ranting drunkenly at the cookout)'' I'll tell you somethin', motherfucker! You can take your motherfuckin' hairy, fat-ass moustache bitch out the fuck!! You can go upstairs and get the motherfuckin' dog and scoop up the shit, and take Eddie and get these long, Angela Davis afro-wearin' motherfuckin' kids of yours and put them in the motherfuckin' ''guni-gugu''-mobile and get the fuck out!!

=== Interviews ===

* I have nothing against homosexuals. I think an orgasm is your thing, and you should fuck whoever the fuck you feel like fucking. Whoever makes you come the hardest. Anybody who says you shouldn't, politely tell them to mind their own business.
**[[w:Playboy|Playboy]] interview, February 1990.

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{commons}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Murphy, Eddie]}}
[[Category:American actors]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:Christians]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:People from New York]]

Megan Mullally

2016-08-10T02:14:03Z

StjJackson:

[[File:Megan Mullally by Gage Skidmore.jpg|thumb|Megan Mullally]]

'''[[w:Megan Mullally|Megan Mullally]]''' (born [[12 November]] [[1958]]) is an American actress, comedienne, singer and dancer.

== Sourced ==

* It doesn't matter who you love, it's that you love. Who cares if men marry men or women marry women? In San Francisco you don't care, and I applaud that. And I applaud [[Gavin Newsom|Mayor Newsom]] for being so brave.
** Upon receiving GLAAD's Golden Gate Award, which honors a member of the entertainment or media community for their outstanding contribution in combating homophobia

*See, I thought that [[Jay Leno|Jay]] has had too many high class, very hoity-toity guests on this week. And I wanted to bring everything down a notch or two.
** Appearing on "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno"

== Attributed ==

* "He's kicking such major ass that it's insane!"
** On [[Tony Bennett]]

* It is no big deal to me. I have always been attracted to women, and I went on dates with women if they asked me.... It did not seem that different to me. But then I met my [husband], and now he is the apple of my eye.

* I consider myself bisexual, and my philosophy is, everyone innately is, although I've never had a full-on relationship with a woman, just a couple of what I'd term half-assed dalliances. So I haven't explored it to the degree that I'd like to, but I'll tell you, I'm open to it. And I don't have any problem saying that.

*[Madonna] worked so hard that it was really very touching. She’s a perfectionist and there’s never been anyone on the show that wanted to rehearse more than Madonna did. She wanted to rehearse her scenes over and over again.

*Chicago is my favorite American city. … I like all the museums. I love the Art Institute. I love all the theatre and the blues clubs and bars, and the people are so great. I think Chicago is the perfect blend of a big city with a Midwestern finish on it. Everybody is really nice but it is a sophisticated city. I love the park. I love the zoo. I love the lake. The whole thing.

* I like to take chances, and that's the key to comedy -- dancing like an idiot but doing it with wild abandon.

* I said, `Now, wait a minute, so you're telling me you want this fish who lives in a fish tank in a dentist's office to be a fictitious character from an NBC sitcom?' I mean, it just doesn't make any sense to me. It's like, why would you want [[Mickey Mouse]] to be the lead in the `House of the Seven Gables' or something.''
** On being fired from "Finding Nemo" for refusing to do her Karen voice

* I couldn't pronounce my last name until I was, like, 11.

* Well, I was missing my earplugs. And the way that I found out why they're missing is because the little Elmo -- his five pounds -- came in to the bedroom and deposited something on -- he came in from outside, he put something on the rug and was going to eat it. And I walked over and it was an earplug that had already been in and back out -- and apparently so delicious … he wanted it again!
** On her new dog, Elmo.

* One day when I'm walking and I see -- at first I thought maybe he was resting -- but I saw a big dead seal on the beach, which was really sad. However, the thing that I thought was puzzling was there was a couple, a young guy and a girl on a beach towel not 15 feet from this big, dead mammal, and I look up and they're waving at me, like, 'Isn't it a pretty day?' And I'm like, 'There's a big dead seal right there.' They're putting on lotion. It was just bizarre. And, curtain. I just didn't want to be at the beach anymore.

* My off-white poodle. She doesn't consider herself to be gay, but I have my hunch.
** On the gayest thing in her home.

* So I light the fire with the lighter and then I'm like, 'Now, how am I going to light the candles?' And I'm racing through the house, tearing open drawers and throwing things out of closets, looking for matches … and I had just lit the fire with the thing!!! And then I was like, 'How did I light the fire?' So then l took the thing and lit the candles.

* I'm going to climb up this ladder, you understand, to this gate that's like this high and I'm going to pass two dogs and some bags and myself over the thing into a cab driver's arms. THAT's my plan!

*My best friend was at the grocery store standing behind these two guys in line, and one of the guys told the other that I was a man. He said, 'If you look closely, you can tell that she is,' and the other guy was like, 'Oh, my God! Now that you mention it, she is a man!'. So I'm denying that I'm a man.

*I should have my 'girl citizenship' revoked. I never get facials. I never get my nails done. I'm so busy.

*I like looser clothes, which always prompts my mom to say something classic like, 'You have such a darling figure - show it off more!'

*One tabloid had an article about how I was an irresistible sex- and man-magnet and how men flock to me. Of course, they were absolutely correct...

*I am terrified of mayonnaise. It was so bad when I was little that my friends would chase me around the house with a jar of mayonnaise and a knife.

*I've been going to the same grocery store for 13 years, and all of a sudden one day everybody was like, 'Oh, my God...'
** On sudden fame.

* You don't need someone else's approval to do what you want; just figure it out and do it, damn it!

*I'm really good at staying home all day in my pajamas because I had a [dad] who did that.

*Two days ago, I dreamt I married a 5-year-old boy. He treated me like a queen and was perfectly lovely. We took a driving trip for our honeymoon. Then it dawned on me: 'Oh my God! He doesn't have a driver's license! We could get arrested!'"

*If I weren't an actress playing a socialite, I'd have lavender hair, wear crappy vintage clothes and have tattoos. I'd be some kind of crazy lawless rebel - an alternative underground riot girl.

*People see you one way and think, 'That's not her real thing, she's just putting that on now.' But that is! That's where my creativity really resides. Where it all springs. My characters are really bizarre. They're kind of dark and not really considered great people. It all comes from the same dark place, it's just filtered through comedy.

* A lot of people come up to me and say, 'Oh God, I'm just like Karen, that's what they [tell me] at the office'. I'm like, 'You know what? The people in your office may not be giving you a compliment. You may be getting fired soon.'

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wikinews|Award show producers try Emmy Idol}}
*{{imdb name|id=0005259|name=Megan Mullally}}
*[http://www.meganmullally.net Official Website]
*[http://www.meganmullally.co.uk Megan Mullally] UK Fansite - Includes wallpapers, interviews and multimedia

{{DEFAULTSORT:Mullally, Megan}}
[[Category:American actresses]]
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:Singers]]
[[Category:Dancers]]
[[Category:Living people]]

Bill Engvall

2016-08-10T02:12:14Z

StjJackson: /* Here's Your Sign (1996) */

{{people-cleanup|2012-08-01}}

[[File:Bill Engvall 2010.jpg|thumb|Bill Engvall]]

'''[[w:Bill Engvall|William Ray "Bill" Engvall, Jr.]]''' (born July 27, 1957) is an American comedian, and a member of the '''[[w:Blue Collar Comedy Tour|Blue Collar Comedy Tour]]'''.

==Quotes==
===Here's Your Sign (1996)===
* ''[playing golf with his friends]''
: So finally, on about the 15th tee, I hit the drive of my life. And any of you people who play golf, you know the drive I'm talking about. The minute you hit it, you just drop your club. You hang on to the beer, let's don't get stupid. And I watch this ball just go and go and... kind of hit this guy in the head. And I felt bad, but he overreacted, I thought. I mean, it wasn't like a ''square'' hit; it just kind of ''glanced'' off his head. But he goes whippin' his car off the freeway, like "Oh, here we go!" Mr. Attitude! So now, he's barrelin' down the fairway, screaming at the top of his lungs, like "What are you, some kind of cruddy golfer?" I'm like, "Hey, I hit you, didn't I? You were traveling 65 miles an hour. That's a pretty good shot, in my book."

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* ''[about "TV golfers" who try to help other people out]''
: He knows all the golf lingo, you know? You hit your ball, he's like, "There's a golf shot. ''That's'' a golf shot." Well, of course it's a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. You don't see [[Wikipedia:Wayne Gretzky|Gretzky]] skating around going, "There's a hockey shot, ''that's'' a hockey shot."

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* Before I got married, I was on a date one night. This girl had a snake as a pet. A 12-foot boa constrictor; she named it Fluffy. Well, that's just sick in my book. But I didn't know about the snake, and it was our first date. We'd been out drinking. We drank way too much. We get back to her mobile home. Woo, wish I was making that part up. She shuts the door behind me and gives me one of these. ''[hisses, exhales]'' She wasn't real good at it, alright? "I'm gonna slip into something a little more comfortable... okay?" and I'm like, "Alright! I'll be waitin' right here! Well, maybe here. Hell, you'll see me." She comes out of the bedroom/kitchen... in a negligee and that snake wrapped around her neck. Boy, that'll sober you up! I'm backin' out the front door, going, "No, thanks, I can drive." She looks at me and she goes, "No, wait, Bill! Fluffy can wrap around us while we make love." I said, "No, he can't, 'cause I'll kill him... Okay?"

===''[[w:Dorkfish|Dorkfish]]'' (1998)===
* I might've tried bungee jumping, until I saw that video of that guy whose cord came untied. He didn't know it 'till he hit the ground. Oh, he flew off that tower, hollerin' at his buddies, "Whoo! Whoa, check me out, dudes! Whoo, that ground is coming up..."—BAM! And what do you say, if you're the operator of that ride, to the next guy in line? "All right, dude– you're up."

===''[[w:Now That's Awesome|Now That's Awesome]]'' (2000)===

* ''[about an incident in a coffee shop]''
: I said, "Ma'm, I just want a cup of black coffee." She goes, "You want to try a biscotti? They're from Italy, and they're considered a delicacy." You ever eaten one of these things? It tastes like a burnt cookie. Where I'm from, that's considered a mistake.

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* ''[during a bit about dogs]''
: That's why they're man's best friend, 'cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men.

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* ''[about how people in the 90's used "awesome" wrongly]''
: Webster's dictionary defines awesome as "anything that leaves you in awe and wonder." Like winning the lottery—twice. That's awesome. Getting a call from the IRS saying you've been audited and ''they'' owe ''you'' $50,000—''that'' would be awesome. Ladies, you wake up tomorrow morning and the newspaper reads, "Scientists have discovered a way for men to experience childbirth." ''That'' would be awesome. Getting invited to the Playboy Mansion—on trampoline night, '''that''' would be awesome. And I started thinking, ladies and gentlemen, what would be awesome for Bill Engvall? What would leave me in awe and wonder? And it would have to be, if I left this stage tonight and I went back to my hotel room, and Shania Twain met me at my door, wearing nothing but a fur coat, holding a note from my wife that said, "Have a good time!" THAT would be AWESOME! It ain't gonna ''happen''—but that would be awesome.

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* ''[watching a baseball game in Los Angeles]''
: This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he goes, "You like baseball?" I said, "Oh, man, I love baseball." He goes, "Did you know that, if [[w:Jesus Christ|Jesus]] had played ball, he'd have been the greatest ball player ever?" Like I'm gonna argue that point. So I sat there for a second, I turned to him, and I said, "Did you know that if [[w:Babe Ruth|Babe Ruth]] had been the Messiah, the Catholics would have beer and hot dogs at Communion?" He left.

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* There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing somebody for being on a hunger strike by sending them to bed with no supper.

===''[[w:Cheap Drunk: An Autobiography|Cheap Drunk: An Autobiography]] (2002)===
* My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties. Welcome to my world.

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* I've come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid's parent/teacher conference. Number one: "You're only responsible for the first $10,000 worth of damage." Number two: "We have medication for this." And number three: "It was more than an ounce and he was less than 100 yards from the school."

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* ''[while snow-skiing with his family]''
: I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.

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* ''[about his son Travis]''
: [He] can procrastinate more than any kid I've ever met in my life. When I tell my son to go take a shower, it can easily be 45 minutes before I hear the water start running. Do you got one like this? He gets up in his bathroom, 'cause he has go to the bathroom ''again''. And I don't even think he has to go; I think he just enjoys the comfort of that seat. It's like his La-Z-Boy rocker—he's got books in front of it, and LEGOs. One night, I told him to go take a shower, and I didn't hear the water run for about an hour, and I said, "That is ''it''!" And I went upstairs and I walked in his room, and I heard this "boom, boom, boom." And I looked around the corner of the bathroom, he is standing butt-naked in front of the mirror going, "Shake your boom boom, shake your boom boom." And I let it go for about 10 seconds, then went "SHAKE IT, BOY!" We don't nekkid dance anymore.

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* ''[about magazines school children sell, which his wife buys without even looking at what she's buying]''
: We get a magazine called ''Modern Ferret''. It's a magazine about that hairy rat, I swear to God! And if you ever see it, pick it up. On the inside cover, it's a woman and a man, who publish this magazine, and they wrote this inscription: "Someday, we hope to make money doing what we love, playing with our ferret." Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't [[Wikipedia:Pee-wee Herman#1991 arrest|Pee-Wee Herman]] ''lose'' a lot of money playing with his ferret?

===[[w:Here's Your Sign Reloaded|Here's Your Sign Reloaded]] (2003)===

*''[after drunkenly getting his ear pierced]''
: I said, "It wasn't my fault, it was [[Wikipedia:Captain Morgan|Captain Morgan]]!" And [my wife] goes, "Oh, kinda like Jose Cuervo made you ride the floor buffer?" and I said, "Exactly!"

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: ''[about how men are "basic", while women are detail-oriented]''
: I was at the gym working out with my buddy. My buddy Joey. And he goes, "Hey, man, I'm getting a divorce." I go, "Wow, that sucks. Can you spot me?" That was our ''whole'' conversation! So I go home, and I tell my wife, "Hey, Joey's getting a divorce." She goes, "Oh, my God! What happened?" [him] "I dunno." [her] "What do you mean, you don't know? Is she cheating on him, is he cheating on her?" [him] "Again– I'm not holding anything back here– I don't know!" She goes, "Bill, someone tells you they're getting a divorce and you don't ask any questions?" And I go, "It's because he didn't ask me a question! He didn't say, 'Hey, Bill, what do you ''think'' about me getting a divorce?', he said, 'I'm ''getting'' a divorce', which said to me, 'I require no further input on your part.'

===A Decade of Laughs (2004)===

===[[w:15° Off Cool|15° Off Cool]]'' (2007)===

* Welcome to my garage! This is where I go to get away from the honey-do list.

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* ''(Talking about what he wants at his funeral)''
: "And don't put a rose in my hand. Put a slim-jim. Send me to heaven with a slim-jim!"

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* ''(mimicking a big fish talking to a little fish)''
: "Hey - Perch..."
: ''(points at his eyes, then at the imaginary perch's)''
: "Look at me..."
: ''(thinks, concedes, then points at the sides of his head where a fish's eyes would be)''
: "Look at me... Both eyes..." - oh, I've thought it all through - "if you ever see a [[worm]]... in the shape of a J... swim away. That's how we lost your Uncle Pike."

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* Boobs are the center of power. Boobs can make a 6-month old baby and a 65 year old man both act the same way. And I'm a big fan. Oh, man, I love 'em! And I ain't picky neither. I hate when I hear guys go "I don't like little boobs." I don't care! Big boobs, little boobs, saggy boobs, perky boobs. You could have boobs that look like nanners, I don't give a damn! They're the perfect toy! You squish them, mush them, POOF! They come right back out! You can't even break 'em! Oh, they're amazing. Boobs can make a long trip seem short, make a bad day seem great. ''[Points to member of the audience]'' Bud, let's say you had a bad day at work. Boss been chewing you out all day long. Little girl sitting next to you shows you her boobs, you're like, "This day was GREAT!"

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* (mimicking a fish's gills wither side of his neck) "Hey..." (cracks) You paid to see it... "hey... Ever eaten a [[worm]]?" (2nd fish) "What? When did you ever eat a worm?" "Oh, one day, me and my buddy were laying on the bank... trying to catch our breath..." - thank you, for those of you who got that...

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*This year, ladies and gentlemen, I was cool for 2 seconds of my life. I got to fly with the Air Force Thunderbirds. (Audience hoots and hollers) You betcha! They called me up out of the blue, and they go, "Hey, we want you to fly with us." And I'm like, "You got the right number?" They said, "Yeah, Bill Engvall, comedian. You stand for what America stands for. Be an honor to have you fly with us." I'm like, (dork voice) "Be an honor to fly with 'ya." He goes, "Well, we gotta get you clearance from the Pentagon." I go, "Well, you're screwed."
** ''15 Degrees Off Cool'' (2007)

===Blue Collar Comedy Tour===
====[[w:Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie|Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie]]'' (2003)====

* She's online with her friends, and little boys are starting to call the house. Oh, my God, we had a kid call the house at '''''two''''' in the morning. Oh, I lost it. 'Cause first of all, I'm off in La-la land with [[w:Shania Twain|Shania Twain]] in the mountains somewhere. I hear a phone ring and I'm like "Who's got a phone in the mountains??" So when I realize it's my phone, I'm already a little miffed, so I go, "Hello!" And this little voice says "Uh . . . is Emily there?" And I go, "'''Dude''', if you have a brain in your skull, you will hang this phone up right now!" Click. Then my wife turns to me and goes, "Bill, you've got to be nice." And I go, "No, ma'am. "Nice" stops at midnight!"

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* ''[after watching the food teasing scene in "9 1/2 Weeks"]''
: I thought, "I'm gonna try that at my house!" Well apparently, bologna and string cheese is not a real big turn on to a blindfolded woman.

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* Who applies for that job? Who says "I want to work in lost luggage"? You don't have a good day. That's like having a job emptying port-a-potties. You're just going to catch crap all day long.

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* ''[his plan to prevent potential boyfriends from taking advantage of his daughter]''
: I'm going to pull him in tight next to me so only he and I can hear the conversation. And I'm gonna say to him, "Boy, look at me. You see that little girl right there? She's my only little girl, man. She's my life. So if you have any . . . thoughts . . . about huggin', or . . . kissin', you remember these words: 'I've got '''''no''''' problem going back to prison.'"

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* Because we've become so ecologically minded now, they have developed a product called "Rapidly Dissolving Toilet Paper." Just how "rapidly" are we talking? 'Cause I don't want to have to play "Beat the Clock" in the thicket.

====''[[w:Blue Collar Comedy Tour Rides Again|Blue Collar Comedy Tour Rides Again]]'' (2004)====
* Marital sex is kinda like ordering a Civil War chess set through the mail. You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don't know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.

====''[[w:Blue Collar Comedy Tour: One for the Road|Blue Collar Comedy Tour: One For the Road]]'' (2006)====

* ''[about trampolines]''
: I discovered two very important facts that day - Number one: The springs will pull the hair out of your legs, and Number two: the dog doesn't like to bounce.

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* [on being condescended to by a flight attendant] Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't wanna be a jackass...you just pushed my jackass button.

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* Watching NASCAR with my wife is like taking a test. Every single turn, she has a question. Now, here's the problem. Sometimes her questions actually make sense. I don't have an answer for them. So, I have to that guy thing and go ''Pfft!'' You ever hear your man do that, ladies? That means he doesn't know the answer, but he's thinking.

===''[[w:Here's Your Sign|Here's Your Sign Live!]]'' (2004)===

* Men have three basic needs: Eating, sleeping, sex. That's it.

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* ''[Talking about the difference between the first and twentieth year of marriage]'' Remember that first year of marriage, you used to argue just so you could make up and have sex? Twenty years later, you're arguing just so they'll sleep in the other room.
**Remember that first year of marriage, when you went to the bathroom? Oh, lock the bathroom door, turn on the shower, because God forbid they knew you were going poo. Twenty years later, that bathroom door is wide open...you're saying "Bring the camera!"
**Remember that first year of marriage, you'd come home and go "Ugh, what a bad day at work" and your wife would go, "Oh, they shouldn't be treating you so bad. Here, go sit down, I'll get you a beer, you can tell me all about it." Twenty years later, you come home, "Ugh, I had a bad day at work," she's going, "YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AT THIS HOUSE TODAY?! While you were at your 'job'?"

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* ''[about his daughter Emily, who scored 1390 on her SATs]''
: Now, I tell you that for two reasons. One, to brag. And two, to tell you she wants to '''''retake''''' the test. I go, "what are you, stupid?" I wish ''my'' SAT scores had four digits in it! That ''equal'' 13.

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* My son is 12 now, and is '''''really''''' getting into girls. A lot. But the thing about twelve year old boys is that they don't possess what I like to call that . . . discretionary gene yet. We were walking home from the ballfield the other day and there was a woman walking towards us who was . . . ''gifted''. I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, "Dude, shut up." She hadn't walked two feet behind us and he goes "God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?" And all I could say was "Yeah, I did!"

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* You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say "My Bad!".

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* A half a Vicodin and a Bahama Mama...makes for a bitchin' day!

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* ''[after watching a spitting cobra spit at [[Steve Irwin]]]''
: Y'all, I am ''screaming'' at my television set: THEY'RE SPITTING COBRAS, YOU MORON!! Didn't you hear the ''[Hocking sound]''

===''[[w:Aged and Confused |Aged and Confused]]'' (2009)===

* ''[about how he and his wife can't go out on a date, since they're married]''
: (A) I'm not going to get to pick the restaurant. Because I'm going to go "where do you want to eat?", and she's going to go "I don't care." So I'll say, "okay, how about Italian?" "Hmmmm...." I'm not going to get to pick the movie, and there's a ''real'' good chance I'm not going to get lucky! That's not a date!

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* ''[playing Pictionary with his wife and some friends]''
: [My wife] goes "that's not a bicycle, Rembrandt!" And I go "well, it ain't a monkey wearing glasses, Helen Keller!"

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* ''[taking a vacation with his family in Costa Rica]''
: I go "what is it?" And she goes "we're going on a shark feeding frenzy!" Okay, wait... we're in a boat looking down in the water? "No, that's the best part! We're ''in the water'' with the sharks!" And I go "have you lost your mind???"

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* We could walk into a Chinese restaurant right here in Chicago. And the waiter could have been born here, raised here, went to college here, he has never left the city limits. I'm the idiot that walks in that restaurant and goes ''[in exaggerated Chinese]'' "Uh, yes. I'll have fried rice. Egg roll..." And you can see him go "I am so going to spit in your food, I swear to God." And it drives my daughter crazy. 'Cause she goes "why do you do that? That is so insulting to them!"

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* ''[having been recognized by a woman in a diner]''
: She sits down across the table from me, and didn't say "Hi, hello, my name is...." She just said "this is what I'm going to tell my husband when he gets home from work today. I'm going to tell him that I had lunch with [[Jeff Foxworthy]]." ''[looks up]'' Really God? Really?

===Multiple===

* I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."
**''Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie'' (2003)
**''Now That's Awesome'' (2000)

===Here's Your Sign===

Engvall's trademark routine is "Here's Your Sign". He retells stories of people asking him stupid questions (that usually have a blatantly obvious answer), to which he gives a sarcastic response, similar to Mad Magazine's Snappy Comebacks, followed by "Here's your sign".

* ''His explanation for the "signs"''
: I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, and you wouldn't ask them for nothing.
:*''Here's Your Sign'' (1996)

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* Engvall is in the park flying a kite with his son.
:'''Passerby''': Y'all flyin' a kite?
:'''Engvall''': Nope, fishin' for birds! Here's your sign.
:*''Here's Your Sign Reloaded'' (2003)

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* On the phone with his wife when the plane he was on stopped after hitting a deer.
:'''Engvall''': When we landed on the runway, we hit a deer with our airplane. You can't make this up. And it killed the deer, it wrecked the engine. We had to evacuate the plane. But the plane was so small it didn't have slides. The flight attendant said "Just step out". So they put us in a van and they're busing us back to the terminal and I'm laughing at this point because this is the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life. And I got back to the terminal, I called my wife. I said "Baby, you're not gonna believe this. We just hit a deer with our airplane". There was a pause on the other end of the line, followed by...
:'''Gail''': Oh my God! Were you on the ground? 
:'''Engvall''': Nope, Santa was making one last run! Here's your sign.
:*''Here's Your Sign: Live!'' (2004)

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* Truck driver gets his truck stuck under an overpass, with Engvall watching.
:'''Cop''': You get your truck stuck?
:'''Engvall''': And God bless this trucker, without missing a beat, he goes: "Nope, I was deliverin' that overpass, I ran outta gas." Here's your sign.
:*''Now That's Awesome'' (2000)
:*''Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie'' (2003)

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* Engvall pulls his car into a gas station after his tire goes flat.
:'''Attendant''': Tire go flat?
:'''Engvall''': Nope, I was drivin' along and the other three just swelled right up!
:'''Attendant''': Well, the heat'll do that.
:'''Engvall''': Here's your sign.
:*''Here's Your Sign'' (1996)

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* Engvall and his wife are packing up their stuff to move, with a U-Haul sitting in their driveway.
:'''Friend''': Y'all movin?
:'''Engvall''': Nope, me and the wife just like to pack all our stuff up once or twice a week, see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign.
:*''A Decade of Laughs'' (2004)

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* Engvall and his buddy get off a boat with a big string of bass.
:'''On-looker''': You catch all them fish?
:'''Engvall''': Nope, talked 'em into givin' up. Here's your sign.
:*''Here's Your Sign Reloaded'' (2003)

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* Engvall has an elk hung on the wall.
:'''Neighbor''': Oh, man. I didn't see that. God dang, did you shoot that thing?
:'''Engvall''': Nope. He ran through the wall and got stuck. Here's your sign.
:*''Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie'' (2003)
:*''Here's Your Sign: Live!'' (2004)

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* Engvall is in an office elevator going up.
:'''friend''': Excuse me, are these the elevators that go up?
:'''Engvall''': No, these go side to side. The up ones are down the hall. (to audience) HE WALKED AWAY!
:*''Here's Your Sign: Live!'' (2004)

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* in the lost luggage office in Buffalo
:'''Lost luggage employee:''' Can I help you?
:'''Engvall:''' Yes, you lost my luggage.
:'''Employee:''' [looking directly at Bill] Has your plane landed yet?
:'''Engvall:''' No, princess. I'm having an out of body experience. I'm just checkin' on it.
:*''Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie'' (2003)

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* Engvall's car breaks down on a highway, there's smoke pouring out of the hood, and a motorist stops to help him.
:'''Motorist:''' Did your car break down?
:'''Engvall:''' Nope, my car wanted a cigarette, so I pulled over. Here's your sign.
:*''Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie'' (2003)

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* In the store, Bill is buying some pants.
:'''Clerk:''' You gonna buy these?
:'''Engvall:''' Nope, gonna steal 'em. Just wanted you to see them before I walked out of the store. Here's your sign.
:*''Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie'' (2003)

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* Engvall and his wife have, for three days, had a cement truck in their yard to re-do their porch.
:'''Neighbor''': You pouring concrete?
:'''Bill''': No, we're making big margaritas. Here's your sign.
:*''Now That's Awesome'' (2000)

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* A friend bought two cakes for his wife's birthday, with a "3" on one and an "8" on the other.
: '''Store clerk''': Oh, do you have twins?
: '''Bill's friend''': Yup, my wife was in labor for ''five years''.
:*''Here's Your Sign: Live!'' (2004)

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*After Bill is exhausted at a baseball fantasy camp, walking crooked.
:'''Woman''': Do your legs hurt?
:'''Bill''': Nope, just crapped my pants. Here's your sign.

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* Bill and Larry The Cable Guy walk by a stone that Bill's neighbor had had 1894, his address, carved into it.
:'''Larry''': Damn, that rock's old.
:'''Bill''': No, that's not its age, dumbass. That's how much it weighs. Here's your sign.
:*''15 Degrees Off Cool'' (2007)

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*Bill and his brother-in-law had shot a deer and drove it in to get processed. At a rest stop, a woman stops at the truck
:'''Woman''': Did y'all shoot this deer?!
:'''Bill's Brother-in-law''': No, ma'am, we did not shoot this deer. It was the saddest thing. We were just driving down the road, the deer got into the back of our truck at a stop sign, handed us a note and then shot himself! Here's your sign.
:*''15 Degrees Off Cool'' (2007)

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*Tow truck is pulling Bill's car out of his driveway
:'''Bill's neighbor''': Getting your car towed?
:'''Bill''': Nope, we're mating it, hoping to get a Mini Cooper.
:*''15 Degrees Off Cool'' (2007)

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*Jeff's, Larry's, and Ron's Heres Your Sign.
**''Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie'' (2003)

* Jeff Foxworthy is having his house repainted and he has a piano in the corner
:'''Painter:''' Is that y'all's piano?
:'''Jeff:''' No, that's our coffee table. It just has buck teeth. Here's your sign.

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* Ron White's son is going on a direct flight from Austin, Texas to Houston, Texas and is talking to the flight attendant.
:'''Flight attendant:''' Is there going to be someone to pick him up when he gets off the plane?
:'''Ron:''' No, I'm going to pin a $20 bill to his collar and wish him the best of luck. Here's your sign.
:*''Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie (2003)

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* Larry's grandmother has died at age 104
:'''Larry:''' My grandmother just passed away, 104.
:'''Flower store clerk:''' Ooh, 104? How'd she die?
:'''Larry:''' How'd she die? She's 104! She wrecked her Harley up here at Bike Week. Here's your sign.

===="Here's MY Sign..."====

* As told in the final section of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour Christmas CD:
:'''[[Jeff Foxworthy]]:''' Tell 'em the one you did.
:'''Engvall:''' Aw, why'd you have to bring that up?
:'''Foxworthy:''' Come on, share that one with the group.
:'''Engvall:''' Alright. Well, nobody's immune from this, not even me.
:'''Foxworthy:''' Not even Brainiac here.
:'''Engvall:''' I'm in the car park at the mall, and there's this guy with a coat hanger inside his window... and I '''''could'' not''' stop myself. I said, "You lock your keys in your car?"
:'''Driver:''' No, just washed it, gonna hang it up to dry (dumbass). Here's your sign.

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* at the Engvalls' home, Travis is about to play on the piano.
:'''Engvall's son, Travis:''' I'm going to play you a song from Harry Potter.
:'''Engvall:''' Oh, the movie?
:'''Travis:''' No, the book. Here's your sign.
::''When telling the joke on ''Here's Your Sign: Live!'' (2004), he stops his son before he says "sign".''

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* on holiday in Hawaii
:'''Engvall:''' Me and my wife were lying on the beach, and this girl walks by with a coconut bra on - literally, they just take a coconut, cut it in half, put strings on it and they wear it. Looks fine to me. But my wife made me laugh 'cause the girl walked right in front of us...
:'''Bill's wife:''' Oh My ''God''... d'you think those are ''real''?
:'''Engvall:''' Well, the way they're jiggling, probably...
:'''Bill's wife:''' The COCONUTS!!
:'''Engvall:''' Here's ''my'' Sign.
:*''Cheap Drunk: An Autobiography'' (2002)

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* at the beach
:'''Engvall:''' My son and his friends were surfing when one of them just wiped out, big time. I was laughing so hard, and he came out of the water, slapping the side of his head, and I could not stop myself. I said, "You get water in your ear?" 
:'''Travis' friend:''' Nope, my eyeball's stuck, trying to get it loose! Here's your- 
:'''Engvall:''' [Stopping him] Ah-ah-ah!

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*'''Engvall:''' Yesterday, my son was out in the yard playing with his friend, and he hit his friend. I walked up to him, and I said, "Hey..." (''pantomimes hitting his son'') "We don't hit". He looked at me like, "Here's your sign, Dad".
**''Cheap Drunk: An Autobiography'' (2002)

{{DEFAULTSORT:Engvall, Bill}}
[[Category:American comedians]]
[[Category:Living people]]